Habits and Hustle - Episode 242: How to React When A Mean Person Offends You

Episode Date: May 19, 2023

In this solo episode of Habits and Hustle, we chat about the difference between being mean and stupid. Oftentimes, people don’t realize that they are doing something mean to you or are acting in a mean manner. In this case, they’re being stupid as they’re ignorant of anything and anyone else beyond themselves.  We also give a few actionable tips on how you can respond to someone who is being mean to you and offended you. What we discuss: 02:31: What’s the difference between being mean and stupid? 03:00: What’s the difference between being dumb and stupid? 06:27: Is common sense not that common? 09:57: Are people purposeful mean? 11:54: What should you do when someone is mean to you? 14:07: What is the definition of mean? 16:07: What is the difference between being mean and doing something mean?  Key takeaways: Most people don’t realize that they are doing something mean to you or are acting in a mean manner. In this case, they’re being stupid as they’re ignorant of anything and anyone else beyond themselves.  Common sense may not feel like it is common, but it’s actually because not everyone has the same thinking behind what they think is common.  Someone who is mean and someone doing something mean is two different things. In one case, that’s who this person is at the core. In the latter, this doesn’t mean they are a mean person.  My links: Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Vitamin Water Zero Sugar just dropped in all new taste with zero holding back on flavor. You can be your all feeling. I'll play and all self-care you. Grab the all new taste today. Vitamin Water Zero Sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin Water is a registered trademark of glass O. I got this Tony Robbins you're listening to Habits and Hustle, Crush It! Hello and welcome back to Habits and Hustle where we are doing solo episode yet again, which by the way I'm very much enjoying these solos.

Oh yeah, is it because you have such a good foil? It's because I have, a big part of it is because I have a great foil, yes. And I love to dissect and go through topics that are usually overlooked or misunderstood and just explore what that means and kind of just put it out there in the ether. Oh, before I even go into today's topic is,

I want people to, if you haven't yet subscribed Please subscribe also if you leave me a review it makes such a difference So please guys if you like what you hear or see or what both please leave a review comment because it really does Help with the algorithm and getting these good like the more we have help with the algorithm and getting these good, like the more we have traction, the better the guests get, the better the topics get, the better the everything gets. So I know I've been really remiss in talking about that, but I'm trying to be better. So please guys, if you can, please leave me a review and subscribe. Now, back to the solo that we are going to be exploring today. So today's topic is actually very funny and I think it's very interesting.

It's going to be, it's the difference between mean versus stupid. And the reason why I wanted to talk about this topic is because I think a lot of times people who are stupid are misunderstood, right, to being just mean. And a lot of times people aren't right, to being just mean. And a lot of times people aren't evil, they're just stupid. And so, you know, you make it your feelings hurt, but a lot of times it's an unintentional thing that's happening. So, I wanted to talk about the differences really between being stupid

and just being mean. There is a major difference. But while I was actually researching this to talk about it, I didn't even know that there is even a definition for there's a difference between being dumb and stupid. Did you know that? What is, to me being dumb is like very air-head-y and being stupid a little bit more. Well, the difference is, okay, it says here.

It says, what causes of stupidity? It's basically, we'll discuss, it's cognitive limitations, lack of education, and a lack of exposure that can contribute to someone's limited capacity to understand certain things. Interesting. So that's really what it is. And a lot of times there can be other reasons for that.

Now, that, by the way, I shouldn't say, I should say that when we talk about limited capacity because it's not academic it's just I think just having the capacity to understand whatever it is right so it's not we're not talking about this is not an episode about street smart versus you know academics it's just about the idea that some people are just dumb or stupid not mean in fact most people are not mean most people just don't have the wherewithal, I feel, or to sometimes do the right thing. So what is the definition of dumb?

So the definition of dumb here, actually the words dumb and stupid have changed over time. In colloquial use, there does not seem to be much of a difference it says between dumb and stupid, but dumb is used in a more informal setting. So if your friend did something really foolish and without thinking, you would more likely call them dumb,

rather than stupid. Like you did a dumb thing. Right, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's what I see. It's like kind of like an adjective, but not really much about it. I think it's less offensive. I think stupid is much more offensive and extreme.

I think dumb is like kind of like a couple of tears below. To me, dumb is like something like a golden retriever would do. You know what I mean? Like flop on the back of their head or like spill something. But without any sort of real. Yeah, it says, yeah, stupid person is one who knows better

but goes right ahead and does or repeats a thing anyway. Yeah, it says, yeah, stupid person. There's one who knows better, but goes right ahead and does or repeats a day anyway. Yes, exactly knows better. Yeah, so they know they know better, but they do it anyway. He should have known better, but he doesn't learn from his first experience. The first mistake could have been a dumb one. So usually if you do it once, I think you did a dumb thing.

Got it. And then if you keep on doing it, then you're just plain old stupid. Right. You know what I mean? Like keep on doing it, then you're just plain old stupid. Right. You know what I mean? Like you said, it learned from like that mistake. But mean has malice behind it. Like I think that with mean, it's like your intention is coming from a bad place.

You are, you have malice and you, it's purposeful. So I think stupid, I think if I were to say I would say that stupid people are just, there's no malice behind it or the intention isn't necessarily to be hurtful, it's just that they just have limited cognitive ability. While mean is much more malice and intentional. You know, I would always say like my mom I think would say this to me that common sense isn't so common. Yeah, you know, it's very true and it's true and it is true like some

things that seem so obvious to some people are just like not obvious to other people. But it's also really relational like it's your own personal perspective. So what common sense is to one person is so not to somebody else. Like I'll give you a really small example and I asked funny because I was thinking about this the other day, we were shooting that commercial and we'd ordered pizzas for everyone. Now when I get a pizza box delivered, I like to immediately

close the pizza box to make sure that it stays warm. So the rest of the pizzas don't get cold. Yes. Because when you open a pizza box, everything gets really cold. And when you keep it open, it gets really cold. So I can't stand when I go to these parties when they have the pizza just all open. It drives me crazy. So I closed the pizza box. One of the guys we were working with, he had opened the pizza box and he left it open. And in his mind, he's probably thinking,

was it will? No, it wasn't. In his mind, he's probably thinking, you know, this is so much better now. Everyone can grab a piece easier, they don't have to all open it. But in my mind, I'm thinking, why are you making the pizza cold? So common sense for him is easier access. Everyone will be able to eat it. It just makes more sense. Common sense for me is let's keep this pizza warm. So I think oftentimes when we're so in our own brains, thinking like this is our common sense,

is our reality, it's actually not the same for someone else. That is an excellent point. I think that is an excellent point because even though common sense isn't so common, what may seem common sensical to me could be very different than what's common sense to you. And I guess it's all relative to A, how your brain like thinks about certain things and your perception to reality because you know to your point, I feel like if I was opening a pizza box, right, I would automatically close it so it would stay warm as opposed to like letting all the air breeze

and all the other things like fly in there and like, you know, whatever. Keep it, it's also like hygienic, right, versus people who keep it open. And then just like, everything is very loosey-goosey. Like, people can be like throwing maybe like some dips in there by accident, it gets cold faster. Yeah. But depending on who you are, maybe you write. Like if someone would be like, oh it's easier people can see it. Because a lot of times visually people wouldn't eat it if they don't see it. Right. So it does depend on your perception. But I'm talking more generally, right? Like, you know, I just think there's like a lost art, so to speak, in

just use like using any form of common sense and thinking just like a couple steps ahead, you know, I think there are people who are naturally better at it than others. But I guess the reason why we were bringing this up is that sometimes if your feelings get hurt because of someone's how someone's treating you or a reaction of some type, sometimes you have to take a step back and think, hmm, is this person intentionally trying to hurt my feelings? Or are they just stupid and don't even see what they're doing? And I bet you more times than not, it's unintentional, just completely like not even on their radar because I just, you know,

don't even have that cognitive sense. Completely. There's also a question for you though, in terms of like stupidity versus selfishness, right? Because I think sometimes people can come off as mean, but they're actually just thinking about themselves, and you're so not even in their purview. So, that's very true too. So, like, I guess in this episode, we can say a lot of these things, right? Like, it could be like mean versus stupid right? Selfishness versus me stupid or

more versus being mean. But at the end of the day, I think that I think the general consensus is I think more often than not, people are very myopic and think of how things affect them only, you know, and that's what we even talk about all the time. Like when you go to a gym, for example, people, like you're so nervous and intimidated how you look, but no one's even paying attention to you, right? Like people are so into their own what they look like, how they are being perceived.

It's not even like even in their scope of thought. And I think that is, that analogy goes with anything in life. I think a lot of times we are so mired and our own stuff that we're not taking a moment to think of how that affects someone else. And that could be, yeah, it could be selfish. It could be stupidity. But I don't think, I guess the overall point is,

I don't think it necessarily is being mean. I think most people, 99% of people aren't mean. They may be stupid, they may be selfish, they could be dumb and have zero common sense, but it's not being mean. Yeah, I agree with that. And it's also important to be able to evaluate that before you react, right?

Like to say to yourself, well, maybe they're not actually intentionally trying to hurt me right now. Maybe it's one of these other four or five different things that we've just discussed instead of them actually trying to be mean. So instead of reacting on that initial instinct of, oh, they hurt me, they were being mean, think, well, what other reason could they have to do that? Or just ask them. Yeah, so I guess like we love to give people actionable things to do on this podcast, right? That's practical and actionable.

And also maybe make you think of maybe an alternative reason for something. So before you go and write some on off or get your feelings really hurt and then have a really bad downward spiral, maybe think about these things. And also, like you said, maybe kind of bring it to the forefront and talk about it to the person. The chances are, they're just stupid. OK, that was a really funny meme, and this is totally not. Like, you should still take this advice,

but there was a really funny meme about how someone was like, you know, in kindergarten, they always tell you to express when people heard your feelings. So I did, and then they beat me up. So I never did that again. Well, maybe that person was just me. Yeah. Right.

Or just a kid. I guess, by the way, being just a kid, I think, is definitely one. Oh, you know what? Also, I just thought our mean. Kids can be, I think that's true. But they don't know, they don't have the, they don't have the, they just don't have the, they're not having the cognitive ability and the wherewithal.

The other thing is, I was going to say, besides that, is insecurity. A lot of times people are acting out of insecurity and a low self-esteem. It's not about them being necessarily mean, but that's a defense mechanism. In my opinion, a lot of times we react and act based out of a defense mechanism that we're not even cognizant that we're doing. And I think that happens more often than not. So I'm still really talking about the fact that I don't believe that meanness is the crux

of why people are acting and doing. I do believe there's so many other ancillary things that are going on under the surface, one being stupidity, probably another one being insecurity. And so, baby, just check yourself before you feel offended. Keep coming back! You got plenty of space! Oof, not how you would have done that. You like working with people you can rely on. Like USAA, who has helped guide the military community for the past 100 years. USAAA, get a quote today. You know that fresh produce is the best produce. That's why at Crogr, we invest in local farmers

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and dark chocolate for the all warm, all fuzzy, all self-care, zero self doubt you. Grab a with love today. Vitamin water, zero sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. Yeah, that's such a good one and security is so big. Or like just having a really hard day. Like if someone, you know, someone just had a good one and security is so big. Or like just having a really hard day. Like if someone, you know, someone just had a huge fight with their family and then now they're out in public and they just, you know, someone bumped into them

at the grocery store and they're like, oh, asshole or something. Like that's a lot of that stems from just the stuff that's going on in your life. Totally true. I didn't read yet and maybe I should. What's the definition of mean? Did I even tell you what it's like? No, but that's good. I mean, I say what I's the definition of mean? Did I even tell you what it is?

Oh, no, but that that should mean. I mean, I say what I believe the definition of mean is, but in if I were to tell you, what does Google have to say? I'm actually so curious, like how do they define mean? I should do a chat GPT on it. You're gonna do a chat GPT over there? Yeah, I do define mean.

Yeah, define what mean really means. The word mean can have different meanings, depending what mean really means. The word mean can have different meanings depending on the context. As an adjective, mean can refer to something or someone that is unkind, cruel, or malicious towards others, it can also refer to something that is average or below average and oh, God, it mean. As a verb, mean can mean to intend or plan to do something or to express or convey a particular mean or message. So I guess at the end of the day, exactly what I said is it's about intention. So at the end of the day, it's like someone who's intending to be unkind, to be mean.

It's all about at the end of the day what your intention is. No, it doesn't. It's someone that is unkind, cruel, and malicious towards other. So like, while someone can be mean to them, and malicious for sure. Right. So while someone can be mean, they might not mean to be mean. But they could still be mean, even though they, like, you might not mean to be rude, Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But they could still be mean, even though they, like you might not mean to be rude,

but you might still have been rude. You know what I mean? Right. Same thing with being mean. You might not mean to be mean. So I think the difference is that, wow. But if they didn't mean to be mean,

then it's not intentional. But it's still mean. And therefore, it could just be unkind. But that's what mean is. But if you, okay, but if you said to the person, hey, that was really mean. And they changed their behavior. But if you, okay, but if you said to the person, hey, that was really mean, and they changed their behavior. But the behavior, the action that they did was still mean,

it just might not have been with malicious intent. Okay, I have a better part. Do you know what I mean? But if the person lacks empathy and compassion once they do something that's mean, that's when you are evil or have mean intent. Yeah, so that's when you're a sociopath. That's when you're a sociopath. That's when you're a sociopath.

So you can do mean things. There's a difference. That's how I talk to my kids. You can do a mean thing, but that doesn't make you mean. Yes. There's a big difference between being mean in your heart and in your soul versus doing something that is a one-off, that's mean.

Absolutely. Yeah, it's like you can have lazy, you can have a lazy Sunday to make you a lazy person. Do you know what I mean? Yes it does. No joking. Just need to have a good Sunday. Yeah. Exactly. So yeah, that's basically it. This is like, that's how we want to kind of cover. Mean versus everything else. I like that. That was great. And go to my Facebook group. Yeah. I joined the Facebook group. Thank you. Yeah.

I'm going to be doing a retreat at the end of June as well. Yes, in Miami, at the Found and Blue. So for more information, please go to my website and check it out. I'd love to see you. I'd love to have you. And don't forget to leave a review or subscribe because it helps so much with growing the podcast, getting those guests I was telling you about. And again, I just appreciate all you guys listening and watching, and feedback is king. So if you have any topics, people, whatever you want to want me to cover

on this podcast, do let me know. And I'll try my best to accommodate. And until next time, thanks for listening. Thank you so much for listening to this week's solo episode. And if you like this, I know you will like, hopefully, love my book, Bigger, Better, Boulder. And why? It's because it's time for you to start living the life you want and not just the life you get. I not only help you answer the questions like,

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