Habits and Hustle - Episode 244: 3 Ways You Can Become A Better Listener

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

Are you a good listener - or are you a half-ass listener? In this solo episode of Habits and Hustle, I chat about why listening skills are one of the most underrated skills for building strong relationships, whether it be in business or your personal life. I give you three tips for becoming a better listener as well as explore the question of whether women are better listeners than men. What we discuss: 01:35: Are you half-ass listening? 02:41: Tip #1: Make eye contact 03:27: Tip #2: Ask questions 04:02: Tip #3: Don’t interrupt people 07:57: Are women better listeners than men? 10:34: Are breaks in conversations okay? Key Takeaways: Learning how to be a good listener is crucial for your success in both your personal and professional life. Listening to people when they talk is how you learn about opportunities, build relationships, and strengthen bonds. If you can’t do that, you’re missing out on a lot of benefits. Your body language is just as important as what you say when the person is done talking. Make sure to show the engagement on your part and interest in what they are saying as you listen to them talk. And when it is your turn to talk, make sure you’re answering in a way that shows you listened to them. My links: Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crescent. Hi everybody and welcome back to Habits and Hustle Solo Edition where we just talk about a topic for a very brief amount of time that we think is interesting that hopefully you do too. And we're gonna be exploring a really interesting one today which is listening, the art of listening actually, and why it's so important to become a good listener, the benefits, the advantages, and what happens when you are not a good listener. So I think this is actually a really great topic,

because it's important that when to build relationships, connections, opportunities, you have to learn this skill. And if you're not naturally somebody who's good at it, stick around, because we're going to talk all about it. And of course, guys, I know that I've been remiss sometimes to talk about this, but if you guys can please leave me a review, subscribe to the podcast, it would be so helpful, so don't forget to press subscribe or push the subscribe or whatever you do on whatever channel you're listening to this. So let's get into the topic. And of course, I'm with my foil, Shawnee. Hi, Shawnee.

Hello. What do you think of listening? Do you think you're a good listener? I think I'm a pretty good listener. You think so? Like, there are times when I'm multitasking and I know I'm not actively listening to someone, so I'll actually let them know.

Like, if I'm not focusing and I know someone's trying to tell me something important, I'll say I can't pay attention right now. So listen, you said something that I think is very, the important word is actively listening. Because I feel people could be half-assing listening and they're not really listening, which is actually worse than just being like,

listen, I can't listen right now, let's do that, I can't talk or listen right now, let's do this another time. Absolutely. Because I think that, I don't know about you, but I can guess when I'm talking to somebody and I can tell that they're not paying attention to what I'm saying, it is the most frustrating and annoying thing in the world. And it ruins the relationship, it ruins the connection, it ruins everything. And so I really wanted to do this episode because if

like I said, when I first started this, if you're somebody who needs to improve on your listening or you think that like your relationships are like weekend or your people are telling you that you're a bad listener, then listen up because it's so important. It's how you also learn about opportunities. It's like great for problem solving. It's great for just strengthening relationships that you have and building real bonds and connection. And there are some very easy ways that you can become a better listener. And I'm going to go through

them today with you guys. I know. So when you listen, number one, I think it's super important to make eye contact. If someone's not looking at you, they're not really, they cannot be really, even visually you feel that they're not listening, so like make eye contact. We're like, if someone's wearing sunglasses, you're trying to have a nice real conversation with someone with like super blacked out sunglasses. Yes. Kind of hard. It is hard to do that, but if they're, at least they're looking in your direction.

Number one, I should say, because some of the things are obvious like no goes which is like don't be on your phone when someone's trying to talk to you Or if you if you want to become a better listener or you try to improve on your listening like place your Devices away like don't have the devices don't have anything to distract you from from being a bad listener So put those devices away put your phones away make, make eye contact, very, very important. Another one is like ask questions, like be present, like pay attention to what the person's saying so that you can ask a question that's relevant to what they're saying.

So they can feel heard and feel that you're actually listening. It is so annoying when you're talking to somebody and they're on their phones or when like you can feel that they're waiting for you to be quiet even so they can jump in. So like another point is stone interrupt people, let them finish their train of thought, let them finish what they're saying. By the way, are you listening to me right now? I am also recording this episode. I'm just joking by the way. That was a joke. It's funny to say that though, because as you were talking, I was like, I'm literally on four devices. I'm not really talking to you right now.

I'm really talking to whoever actually is listening. But I mean, avoiding the interrupting is, that was actually kind of funny. Super important. You know, wait for the person who's speaking to finish what they're saying. That one is huge.

Thank you. Thank you for interjecting with that because you weren't listening. What do you think of like nonverbal cues? I think nonverbal cues like nodding your head, super important, looking that you're engaged, another one that looks important Like that's important like I do a podcast so like for me I pride myself

I think on being somewhat of a good listener Naturally a little bit because I'm naturally curious. Mm-hmm. This is for people who are Maybe not as naturally interested in listening, but it's actually derailing them from building really strong bonds relationships and everything they do right because I think but it's actually derailing them from building really strong bonds, relationships, and everything they do, right? Because I think that it's such a fundamental skill. I know I talk about being bold at a very fundamental skill. I think that in order to be like a human that does well in the world, you have to know how to interact with other people, does well in the world, you'd have to know how to interact with other people and everybody wants to feel heard and listen to. So that is why I think that another huge skill, a foundational,

fundamental skill to learn, is to be a good listener. It's fundamental to someone's personal growth, relationship growth, business growth, it's just important. And you have to be able to learn these little things that anyone can really learn. Like I said to you, just letting the person speak and not interrupting, putting your device away, these are easy things that people can do to get better. And yeah, just being present, it can really improve

tenfold by just doing these little, little things. I think it's also important to establish what sort of situation you're in. For example, like if I need someone to listen to me, I will advocate for that. If I'm actually saying something that's important and I need advice from a friend, I need them to actually hear the full story. It's a very different dynamic than if I'm just sitting and like we're chit-chatting and whatever. If I really need their focus, I will let them know. I really need your focus right now. Because you can't just expect everybody who has a million things going on in their own lives

to be able to just drop everything and focus 100%. So it's like you have to establish that listening dynamic and then really practice sitting there. And if a friend asks you, like, or your girlfriend or whatever, ask you, hey, I really need you to listen to me right now, then you really need to freaking listen. You just see.

This is what I said from the get go. I'm like, if someone doesn't have the time or the patient or whatever, they're going through whatever they're going through in your life, just like, be honest and say, listen, I can't dedicate time to listen to you right now. I think that goes way further and it goes, I appreciate that way more than me just

droning on and on about something. Well, the person just not paying attention. But as in it goes both ways, like you can let them know if you don't have the capacity to listen, but also if you need someone to listen to you, you can also advocate and ask for that. Should I do what I mean? So it's like, oh, you're saying, yeah.

I'm saying the other way around. But what I'm saying, I get what you're saying. But what I'm saying is there are people who are just naturally just not great listening. They get distracted easily. They're just quite frankly, they're just not interested in being a good listener. By the way, I don't want to paint everybody with the same brush here, but usually, like women, girls, are better're a better listener than guys. Like most guys will be like,

and people like it's a throw away, right? Like they're like, well, he's a guy, of course he's a bad listener. But like a guy becomes so much more attractive if they're good listeners. Like the second that I'm noticing that a guy is just like not a good listener or they're not paying attention, they're're distracted it is the biggest turn off. Like if I liked you even a little bit I'm so

not interested in you anymore. I want to remember that person I went to sushi foomey with. Of course. We ended up splitting the bill so I was like this is definitely not a date. Is that the time you saw Justin Bieber? Yeah it is. It is. So anyways, it was just such a, I've never had interaction so blatantly, like wow, this guy is such a guy, like he's such a non-listening idiot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was so annoying,

like I was asking questions, and then there'd be quiet points, and I'm like, now this is where you ask me questions. And he just put in saying anything, and I'm like, this is so freaking strange. And I would say something, and he would just completely ignore. It was just the weirdest. I was like, dude, you need classes. See, to me, I think it'm like, this is so freaking strange. And I would say something and he would just completely, it was just the weirdest. I was like, dude, you need classes.

See, to me, I think it's like such an easy, just excuse, like, oh, he's a guy. He's naturally gonna be a bad listener. That's in me, it's like the worst excuse ever. Because like, if you are, again, if you're somebody who is interested in like learning about somebody, I don't care if you're a who is interested in learning about somebody, I don't care if you're a guy, a girl, an alien from Mars,

how do you learn and get to know something or a person or a thing if you don't listen and pay attention? Like, I get myself so worked up about this whole topic of paying attention and listening, because to me, it's such a core value of how I wanna live my life or how I want people in my life to live their life with me that if they're shitty at it, get fucking better. If you can't get better, it's not gonna happen.

And then if you also tell the person over and over again, you're a shitty listener and they still don't get better? Yeah, that's so annoying. Beyond. It's also, there is, it's so funny because I had this conversation, well, it's not funny, but I had this conversation with someone recently about how people are uncomfortable with awkward silences.

So instead of listening, they're thinking about what they want to say. That's right. I was gonna say that. And their response and their reaction. And so then you're just sat there thinking about what you're gonna say as opposed to everything they're actually gonna say. And I always think it's better to have like a little bit

of airtime, you know, a little bit of dead air in a conversation and you're actually absorbing with the other person is saying first, then responding. So right. So another tip or another another thing to mention is that silence is okay when you're talking to somebody. Like it's okay to have a couple of seconds or a few breaths of not like, okay, because that is 100% true. I think there are people who have getting ziety with conversations.

And so while your talk, when the speaker is talking, they're thinking, okay, what am I gonna say next? How am I gonna say something? And like that makes you a bad listener. I'm more okay with that, because I think there's like a none, like that's like an underlying reason why they're being a bad listener. I'm more okay with that, because I think there's like, that's like an underlying reason while they're being a bad listener.

And it's an anxiety thing that they have to overcome. But if you know that it's okay to have silence, this happens a lot when I'm doing my podcast with major guests, right? I've noticed that if I have every question written down, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and I'm so prepared, then the conversation doesn't, it's not organic and it doesn't flow. It doesn't become a conversation. It's just like me waiting for them to

finish talking and then me asking a question. So that doesn't work for me. Like I like to have an outline when I speak with somebody like that and then be able to like see what that person said, listen to what they're saying, and then based on what their information is that the speaker said, then ask a question. Because then the person feels heard and listened to versus they're talking about like pizza. And I'm like, anyway, let's, you know, and I'm asking them about like their marriage. I mean, like because it's's on my sheet of questions.

Do you know what I mean? Absolutely. So I think that a lot of times, a lot of it is about an interaction that you are, that's what I'm saying, like being present and listening to what the person's saying, not worrying about what your next moment of what you're gonna say because then you're so caught up

that you're not even having a good dynamic back and forth that's natural and organic. J.A.C. J.A.C. J.A.C. ABC Tonight's This Batch the Rat came for the fairy tale. This is what I've been waiting for my whole life.

But things get real. I have such a great group of guys. I see myself with each of them. Real fast. The beat I've just exploded. You did me dirty. Are you kidding? It was on the chest, but who's to say I can't clip that off?

Oh! The Batch Direct premieres tonight, 9-8 Central YBC, and Streamon Hulu. When you download the Kroger app, you have easy access to savings every day. Get the most out of weekly sales and receive personalized coupons toward your favorite items, all while earning one fuel point for every dollar spent. Because shopping at Croger, whether in-store or online, is easy, and saving money is even easier with the Croger app.

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for the all warm. All fuzzy, all self-care, zero self-doubt you. Grab a with love today. Vitamin water's zero sugar. Nourish every today. Vitamin water zero sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. Yeah, I think some people also don't have anxiety. They just really like hearing themselves talk. But that's what I say to you. That's why I say don't interrupt because a lot

of times, like a lot of people exactly, it's just it's like they don't they're not, but that's what that's the thing I'm talking about. It's like when the person's not interested and they're just are waiting for you sometimes to shut up so then they can blab about whatever they're talking about. Like for some, it's that to me is like, stop doing that people.

Like it's so annoying, nobody wants like to be in a dynamic or relationship with you. Like learn to kind of like take, you know, take a breath and take a backseat and let the other person talk. I had to actually practice that growing up because I love talking, obviously I could talk for all of time, really.

You can really can. I definitely can, but you have to, I remember vividly the emotions that I would have in conversations where somebody was so overpowering, this often actually happens with my dad where I'm like, just shut up because we both love to talk so much. I need to get a word and I draw, is you know what I mean? And so I would always be very conscious of that, whereas even if I have a ton to say, sometimes it's better to just allow space for everybody else to dive in.

Well, this is a whole other topic and we should do a solo on this. We are, let's like not even, we're gonna, let's do a solo on, do opposites attract. Oh, that's hilarious. You know, because the truth is. I wasn't sure where you were going with that. We'll go on and tell you why, because the truth the matter is, that's why they say someone who's a big loudmouth talker

should be with someone who's a little bit more of a quiet silent type because it balances out. If you have two big yappers, they both want to hear themselves talk, you're in big trouble. Yes, yes. But yes and no. Well, yes and no. Like, there are some big talkers that I really get along with. I mean, you're one of them. Because, you know, we have a respect dynamic going on where it's, yeah. Yeah. You know, you know, I mean, But I do think that there is something to be said for wanting your match and not necessarily your equal.

Well, the funny thing is that this goes down a whole other rabbit hole, which is about relationships versus friendships. You can have two friends or like that. But in a relationship, maybe it's not as, let's do a top-of-case. We are going to like wrap up this listening one and then we're gonna go do one on opposite's attract.

Go practice opposite's attract. Or does that do opposites only attract like initially and then and then it fades. Oh, I have opinions on this. Yeah, okay, let's wrap. Okay, we're wrapping and join the Facebook group, I know. And guys, I am going to be doing at the end of June a retreat in Miami If you are interested in knowing more about what I am planning on doing, please go to Jennifer Cohen.com Sign up for the newsletter or just ask questions and we'll get someone will get to you me most likely and Subscribe leave a review and that's it. Well, that retreat, it's almost like the perfect place

to practice your listening skills. Maybe. Maybe it is. Maybe you're going to learn lots about being bold, about how to be bold, how to be a good listener, how do you take your life to the next level, how do you optimize your health, all of it. So, hope to see you soon. Thank you so much for listening to this week's solo episode. And if you like

this, I know you will like, hopefully, love my book, Bigger, Better, Boulder. And why? It's because it's time for you to start living the life you want and not just the life you get. I not only help you answer the questions like, what do you want most in life and why don't you have it, but I also help you make it a reality. The link is in the show notes for you to easily check it out now.

And thank you again for being here and spending time with me. Now, go show up to your life and live a bit bolder today. [♪ Music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, host of Creating Confidence, a part of the YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. Okay, so I wanna tell you a little bit about my show. We are all about elevating your confidence to its highest level ever and taking your business right there with you.

Don't believe me, I'm gonna go ahead and share some of the reviews of the show so you can believe my listeners. I have been a long time fan of Heather's, no matter what phase of life I find myself in, Heather seems to always have the perfect gems of wisdom that not only inspire, but motivate me into action. Her experience and personality are unmatched and I love her go getter attitude. This show has become a staple in my life. I recommend it to anyone looking to elevate their confidence and reach that next level. Thank you!

I recently got to hear Heather at a live podcast taping with her and Tracy Hayes, and I immediately subscribe to this podcast. It has not disappointed, and I cannot wait to listen to as many as I can, as quick as I can. Thank you, Heather, for helping us build confidence and bring so much value to the space. If you are looking to up your confidence level, click creating confidence now. Thank you Heather for helping us build confidence and bring so much value to the space. If you are looking to up your confidence level, click creating confidence now.