Habits and Hustle - Episode 246: Do Opposites Really Attract in Relationships?

Episode Date: June 2, 2023

Do you think opposites attract? In this solo episode of Habits and Hustle, we chat about whether or not opposites really do attract in relationships and whether it’s a good idea or not to be in a relationship with someone who is the total opposite of you. The reality is, similarities between personalities and values are key to a long-lasting relationship. What we discuss: 01:32: Do opposites attract? 02:26: Do personalities have to be opposites? 08:10: What does the research say on whether opposites attract or not? 14:11: Is it possible for love to slowly grow over time? Key Takeaways: While many people may be looking for opposites in potential partners to complement their personalities, it could be a better idea to look for similarities.  Your partner’s values must align with your own. This is not something you can compromise on nor would it be a good idea to look for someone with opposite values as yours. My links: Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When there's a penalty on the field, referees are there to sort it out. When there's an accident on the road... Sergeant Lindros, I'm glad you're okay. That's where USAA steps in. We help make the claims process easy, so drivers can get back on the road fast. Making the right calls. That's what we're made for. Membership eligibility and product restrictions apply in our subject to change. USAA means United Services Automobile Association and its affiliates. San Antonio, Texas.

Vitamin water zero sugar just dropped in all new taste. It was zero holding back on flavor. You can be your all feeling. I'll play and all self-care you. Grab the all new taste today. Vitamin water zero sugar. Nourishcare you. Grab the all new taste today. Vitamin water's zero sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. I guys is Tony Robbins.

You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crescent. Hello everybody. Welcome to Habits and Hustle and welcome to another edition of a solo episode with me and my lovely foil, Shawnee. Woohoo! I told you I love doing these solos now. I'm getting the groove.

I'm getting into a groove here because I think it's so interesting to pick a topic and just like Yammer on about it for, you know, 20 minutes. And I'd love to get feedback from you guys, what your thoughts are. So if we talk about something and you have a, I don't know, you have some type of commentary or opinion, let me know, leave it in the comments. Let us know, we love interactiveness here.

We love it to be a back and forth. So subscribe to the podcast. Also leave a review. It really helps the podcast. It helps with getting great guests and help growing the show. So with that being said, let's go into the next topic here. We're going to be talking about, well, I'm just going to go right into it. Yeah, just go right into it. Okay. Do you think opposites attract? I think they do. And I don't know if they sustain, but I think sometimes they do as well.

I think somethings have to be similar, like some legal core values cannot be so opposite, but I do think personality traits can be. So like, the real case, so we were talking about something on the last episode, which was being a good listener, right? The whole listening thing. And I think I was saying something to the point where,

you know, like when, you know, you're a big talker, it's good to be with a person that's a strong silent type, you know, because then like you're not fighting for air time and it's not like, you're not like this. And so in that way, I think it can be really beneficial and helpful. If one person is like, you know, a big personality, another one is much more the quieter person, you can bring out the more talkative big personality can help bring the quiet person out of their shell. And then, of course, the quiet person can help the other person like kind of like chill and be good

and like, you know, have that band to bet the back and forth. However, the question is, does it sustain itself? Like, do you think that over to I and I don't know what I believe? I've seen it, I've seen it work both ways. So what's more important to have the personality be different similar or having like traits that you both like to do that's different things? Like, isn't that more than just personality? Like if I like to exercise and you like to watch TV all day. No, that's never gonna work. That's never gonna work.

But that's an opposite. But that's a core value also, because one of your core values is health. Well, yeah, I'm not talking about just, yeah. So my thing is that I think core values do have to align. You can't be so far off with your actual values, but personality-wise, for example, if you were with someone who also believes in health,

but maybe is much more into running, right? And doesn't know that you're weightlifting. Well, no, what I was going to say is what if our outward persona personality wise is different, like I'm an outgoing, loud person, that other person, the quiet, soft spoken person, but yet we still are obsessed with like, you know, health and fitness, then it can work. Right. So, yeah. So it doesn't. So I guess you're basically saying that the personality isn't as important as, but the core, not just values.

I think what people actually like to do. That's, but that's how, no, I don't, I don't think so though. I think activity wise, I think it's actually better if you have a different activity preferences. Because if you did everything together, to me personally, I can't be with someone 24-7, no matter how much I like them. So I would actually enjoy it if they had their own hobbies also that they like to do on their own without me.

You know, and then we have- Hobbies is different. So now we're getting into a whole different topic, right? But activities, hobbies, whatever, things that you like to do. But I think core values are different than things that you do. Core values are like your belief system, like your actual, you know, what you cherish, which you hold dear to you.

And I think health and fitness, like your health, while that's your core value, something you like to do is working out. Somebody might hold health as a core value to them, but their main focus is maybe food, generally mean, or maybe what they consume. Okay, so there's a few different buckets here, right? You have personality opposite attracts,

you have things that like just in terms of like, right? You have personality opposite attracts, you have things that just in terms of ways you want to spend your time. Yeah. Right? I don't know if it's hobbies, it's just ways you want to live your life. But that is the function of hobbies. Yeah, but for example,

or routine. Routine, okay? And there's also core values. You can have the same core values of somebody, but yet hate to do the same stuff. If you hate to do the same, if you hate to do the stuff that your partner likes to do, it becomes a problem over time. Yeah, okay. Because you end up growing apart from it.

There should be some crossover, sure, but I think that it's okay if there's some differences in that area. I think that that's different than, for example, if I'm with a guy who's really into cars, there's no chance I'm going to have a car museum with him, but I'm happy that he has that. I would find that actually a very attractive quality. That means he can fix my car. Yeah, I think cars is very like... But that's... Yes, I know what you're saying.

You're saying it as a hobby because you're not into it, so to you, it's like a hobby activity. Whereas other people act as their whole lifestyle, you know, and then some people would view working out as a hobby. Whereas you view that as your whole life. Yes. Okay. So it's a different perspective. Okay, so let's go let's do it. Okay, so basically then let's go with personalities. Let's stay with personalities. Yeah, personalities. Okay, so if you're a big personality, do you think that you should be with someone who also has a big personality or is it better to be with your opposite? Yeah, that's a good question. I think if I wasn't single, I'd be able to answer this question more. I was gonna say maybe we should get another person on here.

No, this is what I think. I think that sometimes what seems to be attractive at the beginning can end up being a detriment later on, right? It could get annoying. Like, I go back, I waffle with this. I actually don't know. Like sometimes I think is it better to have, you know, like I said, the Yen to the Yang. It gets all but like, they always say opposites attract, like you're finding your Yen to your Yang.

Well, does that really work? I mean, I don't know. I'm up by the way, I'm not saying, I'm not like work? I mean, I don't know. I'm up by the way. I'm not saying, I'm not like the holier than now. I don't know. I'm just I'm posing a question. I'm not saying that to the answer. I'm just putting it out there. What do you think at home? Do you or in your car? Like, are you with somebody who's an opposite to who you are? Are you normally attracted to people who are opposite of you? Or do you normally date people? Or are you married to people who are opposite of you or do you normally date people or are you married to somebody who's very similar to you and if so is it working out or is it not working out because

you guys have too much in common. I'm just posing the questions. I think there was one thing that my aunt said it's actually funny because both my aunts are married to other opposite people like they're they're a lot more squawky and loud my aunts and then their husbands are a lot more like the silent types. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But one of my aunts gave me a really good piece of advice when she said,

it's not necessarily always about love, it's about like. You have to be with someone that you really like. Someone that's not going to annoy you on a day to day basis. You actually like their personality, you like the way that they are, you're proud of them as a person, you enjoy their company. Because love can fluctuate, right? It'll always either be there and sometimes it'll be an ingredient. But when you like someone, you actually enjoy them.

And so I think that if your personalities are opposite, that can definitely work as long as you actually like that person. But I always see this to me. It's like there's so many people in L.A. who are aspiring actors or comics or whatever. And if I'm dating like a comic, for example, if I don't think that their material is good, if I don't think that they're actually a good comic, I would find it very hard to be with them because I would like I wouldn't be I just wouldn't be able to I have to be proud of them. I have to be proud of their stuff. I'd have to vibe with their humor. I have to actually like them as a person. And if their stand-up isn't good and their humor isn't good,

chances of me liking them are kind of low because that's a pretty like integral part of my existence. You know what I mean? Well, I'm gonna tell you something. I understand what you're saying. So with all the research, you know what they say? What? They say that in the end,

people's attraction to differences is vastly outweighed by our attraction to similarities. And listen, people persist in thinking that opposites attract, right? But in reality, in reality, similar partners become much more complimentary over time. So that's what I find very interesting. So like, when I was saying earlier,

is that I think it's like part of like the ETHERN Society like opposites attract, like it's like a very, it's like a platitude that people talk about. But in reality, if you actually go through it, like, yeah, I know people who it works on both ends, but all the research points to that, it's usually at the end of the day, you'd rather be with somebody who you're most similar to or more similar to than someone you're more opposite to. And that's with everything. That's across the board.

Because certain things that you're like kind of like not sure about end up being way bigger red flags. So it says here. Yeah. So it says we should chat GPT this. I love this chat GPT. Yeah, what are we asking? Yeah, ask do opposites attract?

Where's a research say on opposites attract? Let's just ask the question. Say, let's see what it has to say. The research on whether opposites attract, whether opposites attract is mixed. And there is no clear consensus on the topic. On one hand, some studies suggest that people are often attracted to those who are similar

to themselves in terms of personality traits, values, interests, and backgrounds. This phenomenon is known as homophily, or similarity attraction. According to this view, people seek out partners who share their attitudes, beliefs, and lifestyles because it provides a sense of familiarity and validation. On the other hand, some study suggests that people who are also attracted to those who are different from themselves. The phenomenon is known as complementarity, complementarity, or opposites attract. According to this view, people seek out partners who possess qualities that they lack, or who can offer different perspectives and experiences. One factor that may influence whether opposites attract is the level of involvement or commitment in the relationship.

Studies have found that similarity is more important in the early stages of relationship when people are forming initial impressions in building rapport. However, as a relationship progresses and becomes more serious, complimentary traits and differences become more important in maintaining a long-term partnership.

Interesting. That's very interesting. Kind of makes sense though, like if you think about in the long term, but I always think that I want someone who really has the skills that I don't have. Like I would love someone, you know that guy? Yeah, totally, but that's different again. This is where it becomes so nuanced, right?

Yeah, because I think core values are really the most important of the past. I think you're right. I think the core values are, but what you're saying, yeah, I'm shitty in technology, so yeah, I'd love to have someone who's really good in technology, because it helps my life. Like things like that are, is that considered opposite though? But it is interest and it is there. Yeah, there are like certain, I'm talking more personality, I think, honestly.

Yeah. But again, I feel like there's the difference between like interest and personality and like your, just how you go about life versus your actual core values. Like I think that as long as core values to me match up, that's something that I can't really, I can't back down on. Like you have to take, you have to, you know, have serious priority with your health and fitness.

You have to really care about family. Like if I'm with someone and they're badmouthing, they're parents to me or like they're grandparents, they're like begrudging to go visit them to me, I find that a really bad sign. Yeah, that's a huge turn off. Huge red flags. But this is what I'm saying.

I think at the end of the day, I think that the thing that I've uncovered from doing that's podcast is that it's not about those. I think it's about value, system, and personality. Like, are you gonna be annoyed with the person because they're so different than you? You know, that's the end of the day. Like, of course, I think it's obvious we want to have a person

in our life that has a very similar value system as us. But that doesn't necessarily, that can come in any package. It can come in a loud mouth, it can come in a quiet mouth. To me, it doesn't really matter. But I think I'm talking more about that's a good Given like okay. Yeah, we all want to have people that we have the same values as I'm talking more about overall like Personality like it's a getter. It's a given to you But how many people end up in relationships where their values are completely different and then it's not a great relationship?

No, I know what I'm saying on the basis of what we're talking about is opposites of travel. Oh, yeah I'm not talking about everything else. I'm not relationship expert, by the way. I'm just saying on this one little on this thing of opposites attract. The annoy you part is really big. I can't be with someone who's going to, who I'm going to get annoyed with.

You know what? Is a huge factor? Like taste and music to me. If somebody has really bad taste in music, for example, that's something you guys do together a lot, right? Like you're listening to music in your house, you're that's something you guys do together a lot, right? Like you're listening to music in your house, you're playing it while you're cooking, you're doing whatever.

So if you have really different taste in music to someone and not only do you have different taste in music but you actually don't enjoy their music, like it annoys you, that to me, that would be an issue. I'm thinking about that right now. Yeah. Again, this is on a relationship episode, it's more, but I guess it could be though, right? It's more of a brain storm. It's more of a brain storm. It's more of a brain storm.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my god, that's so funny. It's true. It's true. Cherry, cherry, cherry, cherry. ABC tonight. This batch of the rat came for the fairy tale. This is what I've been waiting for my whole life.

But things get real. I have such a great group of guys. I've seen myself for my whole life. But things get real. I have such a great group of guys. I see myself with each of them. Real fast. The beat I've just exploded. You did me dirty. Are you kidding? Your pose is on the chest, but who's to say I can't clip that off?

The Backslurac premieres tonight, 9-8 Central Y ABC and Streamon Hulu. When you download the Kroger app, you have easy access to savings every day. Get the most out of weekly sales and receive personalized coupons toward your favorite items, all while earning one fuel point for every dollar spent. Because shopping at Croger, whether in-store or online, is easy. And saving money is even easier with the Croger app.

So get the most value out of every trip every time. Download the Croger app now to save big. Kruger, fresh for everyone, must have a digital account to redeem offers. Restrictions may apply, see site for details. and dark chocolate for the all warm, all fuzzy, all self-care, zero self-doubt you. Grab a with love today. Vitamin water, zero sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. Well, like, I feel like initially I'm always attracted to people who are like these big personalities because it's like energy and exciting and all these other things. But like after a while I'm like you're so fucking annoying. Like leave me alone. You know what I mean? Like take

it down a notch. You know what I mean? Or can't you just chill? And I feel like you know that's why I feel like and but there are some people but it's also because I'm a big personality. I mean, not massive, but more on the louder side than the quiet side. But like, at the same time, I mean, I think that I think what initially attracts you to somebody doesn't necessarily have like longevity.

I guess that's my point. Yeah, that's true. Wait, I have a question for you because this is something that I feel like a lot of people always discuss. What about slowly falling more in love with someone? This idea of over time it builds. Like slow burn.

Yeah, because I have a lot of girlfriends who they will start dating someone who they don't really like at first and then five years later they're married with two kids. So you know what badly in love? Well, I find very interesting. I find it to be those are the best types of, like from everything I've seen,

those are the best relationships, really? Because like the ones that are like super hot and heavy right away, they fade and they, and they fade really quickly and it's the very long, they're not long lived, they're super short lived. But the ones that actually are slow to burn are the ones that have like the They they stand the test of time. They have the longevity and it like actually is more meaningful and true

Because I think at the beginning the ones that are like like fun. They're that's more lust and then it burns out Yeah, because like you're attracted to like an energy or a charisma But all those things like energy and charisma, all that, like that's more lustful and that doesn't have real bones. Like you know what I mean? It's more like frivolous. Absolutely. You know? And to like distinguish the difference between love and lust is really hard. Even if you know theoretically, I feel like, or even intellectually, I should say, that you're feeling lust not love. It's really hard not to act on it. And so then people convince themselves that the lust that they feel is actually love. And then they move forward in these relationships. And then they actually end up realizing it when it's a little too late,

when they're like years into it or married with kids. So, it's really hard to sometimes not act on lust, even though you know it's not love. Does that make sense? Yeah, you got caught up. Very easy to get caught up. Because everyone loves it later. It's a chemical thing, right?

Yeah. And so, that's why you tend to make excuses for... Yeah. And reasons like, oh, you know, like, for people's bad behavior when you're like, lusting for them, right? The red flags are all green all the time. Yeah, they're green or like, it's like, well, no, it's because,

like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, like, he didn't call me or he didn't do this because yeah, like, he's really busy or is doggy at his homework or like, he had to like, leave town for two weeks. So like, you had to do that. I'm just making up shit, but like but I think the whole distinction between love and lust is very, even though there's a big difference to recognize the difference

and then act accordingly, it would be so helpful for people. It's so interesting. I always wonder who I'm gonna end up with. Like, is it gonna be someone who, I don't think I can end up with someone who's a crazy loud, because while I am a big personality, I got annoyed with that too much. Like, I need someone who can...

Yeah, you're annoying. You can, yes, what's gonna match my level? Like, you can be my level of annoying, but no more. Like, you can't go more. Well, I mean, look at Noah, right? That's my husband. I mean, this guy has more energy than anybody have ever met in my...

And he's not quiet at all. Quiet. Just like, quiet. Anyone who knows Noah listening to this episode, like, please, quiet. This guy is like, the guy has no off switch. I mean, the guy can go for all night, all day, not like totally sober, has so much energy, the happiest human alive. And there's a lot of good about that too, you know? Does it get annoying? Sometimes.

But honestly, I think I would prefer that personality to someone who has no, like, again, who has no energy, who's lethargic, who doesn't wanna do anything. That's even worse. Yeah, no. When it comes to doing things, I definitely need someone who's active, like who wants to do anything. That's even worse. Yeah, no. When it comes to doing things, I definitely need someone who's active, like

who wants to do things, because I, you know, too lazy people like on a Sunday. That's it. You and your lazy Sundays. I know. It's funny because I work on Sunday, so it's not even like I have, but usually my Saturdays are more lazy. That's my more like my rest day. Oh, okay. That's funny. I just want to watch fights and do nothing, but that's a good day. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I keep on talking about your lazy Sundays. It's hilarious.

But that's basically, that's all really distinguished between love and lust. No, really, really, what do you think? Do you think, at home, do you think, again, do opposites attract? Yeah, I'm actually dying to know what everyone thinks about this. Can you post, like when we post this episode in, I don't know, June or March or May? Will you just put up a poll on your Instagram story? Yes, of course I would. And ask.

Oh my god, I asked so curious what everyone has to think about this because it's a really big, and then also put up one of those like question things where people can write answers. And I'm curious like what their thoughts are about this. I'll do it. Yeah, okay, great. Join the Facebook group. Okay, guys, have a great day, night, whatever you're listening to this. Thanks for tuning in and hopefully we'll see you again soon. Bye.

Thank you so much for listening to this week's solo episode. And if you like this, I know you will like, hopefully, love my book, Bigger, Better, Boulder. And why? It's because it's time for you to start living the life you want and not just the life you get. I not only help you answer the questions like, what do you want? Most in life and why don't you have it. But I also help you make it a reality.

The link is in the show notes for you to easily check it out now. And thank you again for being here and spending time with me. Now, go show up to your life and live a bit bolder today. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Halataha, CEO of the award-winning Digital Media Empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young and Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit.

On Young and Profiting podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week, we dive into a new topic like the art of side hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting. I interview A-list guests on Young and Profiting. I've got the best guest. Like the world's number one negotiation expert, Chris Voss, Shark, Damon John, serial entrepreneur Alex and Leila Hermosi, and even movie stars like Matthew McConaughey. There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast, and that's on purpose. Every

episode is jam packed with advice that's gonna push your life forward. I do my research, I get straight to the point, and I take things really seriously. Which is why I'm known as the podcast princess, and how I became one of the top podcasters in the world in less than five years. Young and profiting podcast is for all ages. Don't let the name fool you. It's an advanced show. As long as you want to learn and level up, you will be forever young.

So join podcast royalty and subscribe to Young and Profiting Podcast. Or yeah, like it's often called by my app fam. On Apple Spotify, Castbox, or wherever you listen to your podcast. Office Depot Office Max has great deals on everything you need to succeed, like stylish furniture and chairs to keep you working comfortably, the latest tech to keep you organized and productive, calendars and planners to keep you on schedule, and cleaning supplies to keep your space spotless. It's the perfect time to stock up on the supplies you need to succeed from the office to your home and everywhere in between. Need it fast? No problem. Place

your order at office-tipo.com and pick it up in just 20 minutes at your nearest office-tipo or office-max store. more.