Habits and Hustle - Episode 25: Raif Derrazi – HIV/AIDS Education, Bodybuilding, and Evolving Out of a Victim Mindset

Episode Date: August 20, 2019

Raif Derrazi is an HIV+ bodybuilder and an HIV/AIDS activist. In this episode, he shares the story of his diagnosis, his rock bottom, and his incredible journey of changing his life to one of gratitude and positivity. Raif is on a mission to educate us all on how far healthcare has come in managing HIV/AIDS and to undo the stigma our society has on the disease and the communities living with HIV/AIDS.  Youtube Link To This Episode Raif’s Twitter Raif’s Instagram ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We have such an important episode today. Our guest, Rafe Derazi, is an HIV positive bodybuilder and an HIV-Aid activist. You will be blown away by the story of his diagnosis, his rock bottom, and his incredible journey of changing his life to one of gratitude and positivity. Rafe is on a mission to educate us all and to undo the stigma our society has on this disease. Please stay tuned for this important inspiring and educational episode. Hi everybody, welcome to Habitson Hussle. I'm really actually quite excited about today's guest. It is Rafe Dorazi. We haven't had anyone like you on our show before. When I find so interesting and just fascinating about him is that he is an HIV advocate. And his whole platform is about gratitude, self-apparament, and basically turning a negative into a positive,

excuse the pun, of course. And he just has a really great message and an amazing story that I wanted to share. So thank you, Ray, for coming on. Thank you for having me. It's great to have you. I think what was so, not just, like I said, interesting is that I think there's so much information that people aren't aware of, at least being one of them, about someone who

lives with HIV and having not just a full life, but now you're completely undetectable. So, you have a better chance of living till 100 than I do. And a lot of other people. So I guess let's just start by telling everyone, what is the difference between HIV and AIDS? Is there HIV positive and AIDS? Yeah, so HIV is the virus itself. Okay. AIDS is a syndrome auto, auto immunodeficiency syndrome. And that's to get really technical, they measure your CD4 count or white blood cell count.

When it gets below 200, then it's considered AIDS. So it's just a marker of how well your immune system is doing. Oh, got it. OK. So when someone says they're HIV positive, right, the age is when you get, like you said, when you get really sick and when you're actually, like, your body is depleted completely, right? And if you have HIV, you can be anywhere on the spectrum. AIDS or not.

Wow. You just have the virus in your system. So let's just start because you're like a young guy. So like, Rafe is a competitive bodybuilder, um, super healthy, super fit looking. You would never guess in a million years by looking at you that you had HIV, you were HIV positive. and which is exactly. And I think we were saying off line is probably there's a lot more people who have HIV

than that people would ever even think. And say what you were saying to me before about those guys. Yeah, so I have random people call me up. I had a friend recently who is like conservative, straight guy from the Marines called me up and said, hey, like, I just found out I have HIV and so does my wife. And we don't know which of us, who had it and who gave it to who. So it's like it affects everyone.

Yeah, it's not just someone who is a gay person. No, it can be anybody. And I think like we're saying like, that's what's kind of, it is kind of scary in a sense that, like I think a lot of people do carry it. Way more than people would think, because they think it's only segmented to one part of the population. But we believe that because nobody's talking about it. No one talks about it.

It's a fraud. And it's still like, you know, it's still a scary topic. Like for whatever reason, like when I knew you were coming on, I got like a little bit nervous. Oh my god, you know, because you know, because you don't, like when I knew you were coming on, I got like a little bit nervous. Like, oh my god, you know, because, you know, because you don't, there's, there's so much stigma around it. And that's what I love about what you do is that you basically, when we're, we're going to talk about it in a minute, but you literally have turned like what you're diagnosed with like five, six, seven years ago, right? And it,? And as a death sentence, so to speak,

that most people would think, and you really turn it into a platform to like turning your life around and like living like your best life, you know, to quote Oprah. I literally thought I was gonna be dead in three years. I was like, okay. Is that the diagnosis they gave you? No, I just didn't know anything about it

when they told me. So tell us what happened. So you're, you're okay, go back to 2012, right? Okay. Yeah. So I was in a three and a half year monogamous committed relationship with another man. And I was just sick all the time.

And I got more and more symptoms. I had no idea why. I didn't have health insurance. I couldn't afford health insurance. Well, kind of sickness where you just gain like flu-like symptoms or like. So I would have like weird skin rashes. my lymph nodes were swollen, I was exhausted all the time, I was losing weight, I couldn't put on muscle if I tried.

Yeah, so... And then I had it... Then what really tipped me off was that I had a sore at the back of my throat. I thought I had strep, and it lasted for months, and I wouldn't heal, so I'm like, I got to go see a doctor. So I'm like, if I have to go to county and sit there for eight hours to see a doctor, I will. So that's what I did.

And I never, never suspected it would be an STD, STI. And so. Did anyone say to you, oh, I think it's, you probably have the flu, you probably have this, you probably have that. And like, you just thought it was whatever. And you're just kind of going about your daily business, right? I was trying to, yeah.

Yeah. But I was getting to the point where I couldn't really function very well and I didn't know why. And you were just kind of going about your daily business, right? Like, you know, I was trying to, yeah. Yeah. But I was getting to the point where I couldn't really function very well and I didn't know why and I was getting down on myself because I'm like, why can't I just operate like a normal human being? You find it healthy before this happened to you. I mean, moderately.

Okay. Like a normal person. Yeah. Okay, and then you were the doctor. So you were the doctor and waited eight hours and then she's like, let's just do all the tests just to make sure I came back a week later. Sat down in her office and we had a report at that time. We were kind of joking.

But the second time I came in, she was completely somber, stared at our monitor and then I remember she just breathed, looked at me and said, you have HIV. And it was like the camera just like, and like my whole life just kind of like, oh my god, I'm gonna be dead in three years. This is it. Wow, okay, I can't even imagine.

So I just started bawling. She's like, I'm gonna give you 10 minutes, call somebody, I'm gonna leave the office, I'll come back, do your thing. Wow, and then like, then what happens, you know, you kind of like took your 10 minutes and then more. Yeah. And then, like, what happens, you know, so they like you kind of like took your 10 minutes and then more. Yeah. And then what happened? She said, okay, so next week I'm going to need you to come back.

You're going to go to the HIV clinic. The specialists are there. She's like, don't be alarmed, don't be worried because you're going to see a lot of really sick people and a lot of homeless people because a lot of homeless people get HIV as well. Why is that? Because of... Probably needle sharing and just unprotected sex and just the whole slew of being in that position.

Now besides having your boyfriend, were you also having a lot of unprotected sex or... Only with him at that time. At that time. Okay, and then so, okay, go on, sorry, I'll be having all this fun. Okay, and then... So ironically, my appointment to go to the clinic

was on my birthday. And so I went in, I was sitting in the waiting room by myself, and this nurse comes by, he's like six foot three, tats, piercings, big gruff guy, and he goes, hey, you know where you're here, right? And I go, yeah, because I have HIV, and he goes, you got way more than that kid. You, right? And I go, yeah, because I have HIV and he goes, pfft, you got way more than that kid. You got full blown AIDS.

And then just walked away. And I was like, are you serious? So you actually had AIDS, not even just, you had like, you were down to the depletion. Full blown AIDS, yeah. And then my doctor came in who came in to see me and was like, it's your birthday. Like, oh my God, how skinny were you?

Um, I mean I wasn't like gone, like you see in the movie. Yeah. I just was the skinniest I personally had ever been. In my arms, you could just see it. Okay, and you're still with the same guy though, right? You're still date, did you guys break up? I thought, oh yeah, we've broken up since. No, no, no, but at the time, yeah.

Oh yeah, we were together. When you found out he had no, but at the time. Oh yeah, we were together. When you found out who had AIDS. And I told him, yeah, okay. He got tested, found out he had AIDS as well. So both of you have AIDS now. Like he didn't look at, but he didn't, he didn't have, did he have the same symptoms as you when he, when you went to find like when you went to,

he did have some weird symptoms, but like for example, he had shingles randomly, he had a shingles break out and we're like that's weird, but whatever people get shingles when they're older maybe he got it young. Right. So, but he wasn't as like down as I was. Right. Energy wise. Wow. Okay, so is it possible that he could have bought it from you? It is possible. And it's also possible that I could have gotten it from him. There's no way we both he told me he tested negative when we got together I tested negative So there's no specific way it was probably in the window period for one of us that it's not detectable Wow, so you think it's up so do you think it could even mind to you that he was sure? Yeah, I mean after that I found out that he was cheating the whole time or just like I don't know

I just know that he was like all over the internet talking to guys and had someone at our apartment while I was away shooting a web series for a week and Oh, that's when I was like wow okay, then how did you take that and then turn it into something like like How did you take that fact that you now you funny of eight, you have eight. And then now, like, you know, cut to, you know, now, or even, well, very soon after, become like this, like, Mr. Positive Holly and with a platform and a competitive body builder and everything else, like, what, then what happened? So I definitely see the blessing

in every experience negative or otherwise. So what happened shortly after that was, I was on the medication. Well, how did you get to the medication? So they told me at before, there's a lot of options. Yeah. So, well, the doctor just prescribed something to me at that time, which is like, I'm gonna put you on this

and we'll see how it works. Was it supposed to suppress it? Or was it supposed to do it? It was supposed to completely suppress the virus so that they measure viral load, which is how much virus there is per drop of blood. And at that time, it was like 52,000 copies per drop of blood in my body. Which is a lot.

A lot. Okay. And then within like six to nine months, it got to the point where there was an undetectable amount, meaning that the tests can't detect the virus in my blood. Attention, progoshoppers. Did you know there's a world of innovative services and patient care right in store? It's where an award-winning pharmacy and nationally recognized care come together. Connect with one of our licensed pharmacists today at your local Croger and experience the care you and your family deserve.

Croger Health, a world of care is in store. Services and availability vary by location, age and other restrictions may apply. For coverage, consult your health insurance company, visit the pharmacy or our site for details. Does that normal? So if you take medication, for people who don't understand, it's like me, if you keep, is it, could you just, no matter how bad the, you know, if you have like full out, full blown aids like you did, if you take the

medication, start taking the medication, could it go, can it reverse itself? Absolutely, and it will for most of the population. Wow. You can go all the way back to undetectable. But there is a segment that doesn't work for, is that right? Because there are strains of HIV virus that have developed a resistance to medication. So those people can be more tricky and you might have to take a cocktail, like what's traditionally known, 12 pills, like three times a day or something like that. But yeah, for most

people it will take care of you. So when did you start feeling a little bit better, or can I get, like, when you start taking the meds? Basically, by the time in six to nine months when I was starting to feel undetectable is when I started to feel like myself again. And what I was gonna say is that I went to a trampoline park and within 10 minutes, I broke my ankle. And one of the side effects of the medication that I was taking was bone density loss,

which I didn't realize. So I think that contributed to my broken ankle. So I was, and I was like getting ready to break up with my boyfriend at the time, but at that point I was like, I'm screwed, like I'm completely dependent. And so I, he worked and I stayed at home and I was just in bed for five months. And it was during those five months that I noticed there was like, are you familiar with Hay House? It's like a publishing company.

Yeah, and sometimes it was the publishing company. Yeah, so they were doing this like two week intensive where it was just like speaker after speaker after speaker for like six hours a day, it was all free. So I just immersed myself in that, the secret Oprah and Deepak Chopra, their meditation series, just everything. Dream boards, vision boards,

goal setting, everything I just like went inside and just like revamped everything. And that's when I realized this pattern of my whole life was that, you know, as a kid, I was the victim to a lot of like really crappy situations. But then I think I learned to use victim mindset to kind of get my way and get what I wanted as I got older and that that was the thing that crippled me. And getting AIDS was like the like moment of manifesting true victimhood. And I was like, I got to change. Something has to change. And that's when I kind of made this switch. So right, you're saying earlier like that you were like, you were always the victim.

You had a really shitty child. What was your background? So I was born in Utrecht, Netherlands. Most of my family is still there. My biological father was very verbally and physically abusive to my mom to the point where she thought he would kill her at some point and kidnapped me and take me back to Morocco. So without telling her family anything where we were going or anything had no money she took me and we came to the US and then we just started she was like a live in Nanny in Orange County and I was living with her and I went by a completely different name I was going by the name Timmy Zimmer. Everybody that knows me in Orange County and I was living with her and I went by a completely different name. I was going by the name Timmy Zimmer.

Everybody that knows me in Orange County since I was a kid knows me as Timmy Zimmer. Timmy Zimmer. Yeah, seriously. Because Timmy was the most American name that she could think of and then Zimmer was the man she ended up marrying a year later, his last name. So I was never adopted but I just went by it. Right, she isn't marrying a man named Zimmer, so that was your stage name, so it's big. And then she was, yeah, he was an alcoholic

and depressed, very distant. And I was just kind of dealing with all the trauma. So I had a lot of issues in school and I was picked on a lot, made fun of. And for what? People called me gay, faggot. I was picked on a lot, made fun of. And for what? People called me gay, Faggot. I was weird. I didn't know American social norms.

I was the outcast. I was like, I think as part of my coping, I was extremely, extremely happy, optimistic kid. Like I saw everything as a Disney movie. And like I believed in just all trueistic things. And that kind of separated me from a lot of the other kids. That's interesting that you say that, because you had a victim mentality,

you said, but yet you had a very positive poly, it's like- But I was sick every month with the cold, and migraines, and other elements, and wasn't going to school a lot because of it, and it was like this weird duality of both things. Yeah. Interesting.

And then by the time I was in high school, that's when I really started to deal with everything that I had gone through and coming to terms with being gay. And it got to the point where I was doing drugs and alcohol and attempted suicide, I overdosed on like 30 pills, went to a mental hospital for a week. Really? Yeah, no laces, none of that. Really? Wow.

It was like girl interrupted. Yeah, it was going to say. So it's exactly like that. Wow. And then, so this was like the diagnosis of AIDS was like the icing on the cake so to speak in a way. After that I got into church Christianity. I was heavily involved. After the diagnosis. After the attempted suicide.

Oh after that. So I was trying to pull myself out. Okay, so before you even like found out about all that you were trying to transition your brain a little bit. It's like going from out of high school I was really into church. Okay. Wanted to go to a Christian university. I like, I'm going to turn my life around. Service to God. Super stoked about it. I was so involved in theater. And then all of a sudden it was like, okay, I got to deal with being gay.

And then I had my, the people that I looked up to in church were like, well, we love you. First of all, second of all, you weren't born this way, and you can change it. So we're gonna help you be straight. We're gonna do a weekly discipleship. You're gonna cut off your communication with your first love, and you're just gonna dedicate yourself to celibacy and to God. And I did that for like six months.

And then I was like, I'm starting to get depressed again. Like, oh, wow. So like, this isn't right. And it was my stepdad who's like, if you're not happy, like, why are you doing it? Right. And I was like, okay. So I told my church that. And I was like, I'm going to just be me. And they're like, okay, that's fine. But then you can't be part of church leadership roles. You can't do theater. And then my university're like, okay, that's fine, but then you can't be part of church leadership Rolls you can't do theater and then my university was like we can accept you because you're willfully living in sin So it was like boom ex-communicated. Oh my god. I just start over and like find my identity again, and it was just very very difficult and it was like I was a victim again

Wow, okay, and then so yeah, then so that was basically the story in your head. That's what you're saying. It was always like, you'd always go back to the victim victim. And then when you got this diagnosis and then you're in bed for months and months because you are just not feeling good. And were you depressed at that point? I would imagine. I don't remember being depressed. I was just like, this is an opportunity. Right away, you thought that? Like, you didn't take a moment to be like, oh shit, this is

like a death sentence. Oh, yeah, I'm the diagnosis. Yes. I thought you meant like when I broke my ankle. When I was diagnosed, I was like, yeah, like, I've reached my biggest fear in life. This is the lowest of the low. Wow. And then, okay, so then when you were in bed, then it was because you broke your ankle from the, from the, yeah, traveling, okay. And that's when you're like, I'm gonna change everything

around. Gotcha. Okay. And then, what did you do? And then from there, so it got to the point where I was healing, but I wasn't quite to the point where I was like I could walk around and like go back to serving waiting tables again, but I'm like at the same time like, okay, I'm making all these realizations and Here I am living with somebody who cheated on me and betrayed my trust and like why am I still like compromising myself to be with this person?

And I said to myself, okay, well, if you're going to be true to yourself, then you can't just stay in this situation. You have to face it. It doesn't matter if you still have a messed up leg and it doesn't matter if you don't have a plan after just do it. You got to do it's right. So I broke it off and I had nothing. My car had been repossessed. I didn't have a job. I didn't know what I was going to do where I was going to live. So it was like literally a minute by minute, figuring out what am I going to do now.

So I found this closet that I could live in for $400 a month in the valley through a friend that was living there. And I went to my old job and I literally sobbed and cried and begged for shifts back. They had a new manager who was like, I don't know you, like, why am I going to give you shifts? And I just sobbed pleading. He eventually gave me a couple and then more as time went on.

But I was taking the bus everywhere, you know, two hours from the valley to Santa Monica and back and forth. And then I'm like, I got to keep my health up. So taking the bus to Elly Fitness. And like, if I can't afford anything, I'm back and forth, and then I'm like, I gotta keep my health up, so taking the bus to Ellie Fitness, and like if I can't afford anything, I'm gonna afford a gym membership, at least. So will you not work, okay, so before this whole thing, will you work out person or no?

Did you work out? No, I had never benched, deadlifted, or squatted in my life, so I wouldn't say that I was like. So what made you decide to become a competitive bodybuilder? Like, I'm just trying to try to understand, so you get this diagnosis. Your life was kind of like in like, you know, taking a downward spiral.

You like get yourself back into a situation where you go, OK, I'm going to take ownership. What did you like, what happened then? Like, so you get. The gem became my therapy, my sanctuary, my arena. That's where I got all my crap out. It was my catharsis. It was like where I went to go prove myself.

I was like, I'm going to not only like build myself physically, but my mental strength. I need to build in the gym by pushing past my barriers. Absolutely. This is what I preach all day long. So you just, so basically like fitness kind of saved your life in a way. 100% And every way, physically, mentally, spiritually, everything. Because number one, it gave you structure

and it gave you something like confidence because you saw yourself getting stronger again. And so with our side effects, so you're saying that besides the bone density, is there any other side effects from having this medication? There were with one of the earlier drugs called atripla. I had, I would wake up in the middle of the night

and my whole body would be vibrating. I'd be hallucinating. I would get like hot cold flashes during the day. It felt like there was a cloud in my brain and I couldn't think clearly. Really? I'd get lightheaded dizzy. Yeah, it was, that was bad.

And then it got to the point where my doctor was like, okay, Rave, you need to stop drinking because your liver is like bad. Like an alcoholic. Oh, so you were still drinking. I wasn't. I was like, I'm like, Rachelle, I haven't been drinking at all.

And she's like, okay, well then it's the medication. So the medication can be really bad for your liver. Or it can be like, it can be, yeah. Wow. How many medications are there is there a lot? There's so many yeah, but this particular one was giving you really bad side effects And then so they put you in another medication. Yeah, and that was fine And then I was my everything went back to normal. Okay, and now I'm on medication. I have zero side effects Zero so okay

I heard that the medication is very expensive like thousands of dollars Yeah, if you were trying if you were gonna if you were just a lay person going on the market to try to buy HIV So, okay, I heard that the medication is very expensive, like thousands of dollars a month. Yeah, if you were just a layperson going on the market to try to buy HIV medication, it would be average $3,000 a month. So then, what do people do when there's no insurance? Like, when they have, like, in the US, the insurance is kind of a cluster right now. That's your fuck. Like, what do people do if they don't, like, how do you do it? There is a lot of government subsidized and organizations that help people to get on medication.

So that basically, if you're living in the US, there's no reason why you can't get medication. If you're under a certain cap, you can get it, you can get it for free, free healthcare coverage, premiums covered. There are so many options in the US for sure. So you can get like you can get the medication if you need it. Absolutely.

It's paid for. Yeah, it's in the government's interest to make sure that everyone has it of course. Absolutely. So now so you're able to what I'm so fascinated by is that if you could be that you could be that bad like where you actually now have full balloon aids, and then you can reverse it. I can, I'm like shocked to hear that. It's a miracle. Do people not know that?

No, so many people don't know that. I mean, when I was diagnosed with AIDS, my doctor literally said, go home, do not eat anything that's not fully cooked, including eggs, steak, whatever. She's like, do not get a cold. You could end up with pneumonia, end up in the hospital, and die. If you get a cold, could end up with pneumonia end up in the hospital and die if you get a cold I heard that you are a petri dish right now. You're completely exposed to everything Wow, yeah, but is that true? I mean if you were not on medication that would be the truth That would it absolutely I don't know if I would be living right now. I don't think I would be I would be dead

Do you think a lot of people are to have it and just don't know they have it? Absolutely and just a large proportion of people who have it and just don't know they have it? Absolutely. And then a large proportion of people who have it don't know that they have it. Because in the beginning there can be no symptoms. And then it just becomes like okay and then is there anything that's a precursor to it? That's what I'm always curious. Like another and then like a different STD that's a precursor for it. Like if you have like I don't know herpes or climidia or whatever it is I'm just making up a I believe certain things can make you more susceptible like I think I've heard syphilis perhaps

It makes you more susceptible Yeah, but just because you have one doesn't necessarily mean you have another that doesn't go like that No, and then like the fact that when you say you're undetectable like like does that literally mean like I was saying like if you and I had sex I know it would never happen For multiple reasons, but I mean but like you are beautiful. Oh, thank you. No, you are beautiful But that's a whole other story, but um then does that mean I would just without without with no protection I'd be fine. Yeah, yeah, Is that 100% sure? Are you sure? I mean, are you like a million percent?

So last year, the CDC, as well as WHO World Health Organization, countless amounts of experts in the field, scientists around the world, everybody, there's a consensus now that there is zero risk of transmitting HIV. If you're undetectable, I believe for six months or longer. Wow. And how long have you been undetectable for years? Okay, so you got into 2012. You're how well were you in your 20s? I was 27. Okay, so then what so how long will you detect a how long will you take to become undetectable? About nine months.

And then you were undetectable. So you've been undetectable for the basically for six years. I had a blip. I think a year after that where it was slightly detectable and then it went back down. Why? What was the reason? It could have been the medication that I was on or something. I'm not sure. So are you able to like do you have a boyfriend now? I don't have a boyfriend. I am open to dating at the moment, but are. But are people scared to date you because of it? I mean, obviously you're open about it. You're on this freaking podcast, and I'm

sure you do a lot of other things. Yeah, I'm actually surprised by how many people are open to it, and that those that are hesitant after I'm able to talk to them about it and kind of educate them a little bit, then they were like open to it. The percentage of people that are just like, nope, sorry, can't do it, it's small.

But I think that's probably a product of living in West Hollywood and LA. And it's just, exactly. I mean, but like, and I think in the normal, I was just saying, that's not the right word, normal, but like outside of your, yeah. Outside of your pop, where you live, whatever. Like if you went out of town to like Minneapolis,

I think people would probably be more, probably a lot harder for a lot of people Yeah, so then would you so Would you be scared to like we have since then have you had a lot of boyfriend's that have not had any kind of who don't have HIV who are just Healthy I haven't had a lot of relationships a few small relationships and most of them were negative And they're not and they're so you when you have sex Are you like do you use protection and are no no? Yeah, I'm sure you're totally fine. Yeah, and they're not scared You know there is a little Redis sense in the beginning, but you know

That's something that we work through on an individual basis. Can it be like? Can it happen? I mean listen, I I've, and there's also prep. We haven't touched on that at all. Okay, tell me about the prep, okay. So prep is basically an HIV medication. It's truvada and it's something that you, if your negative can take as a precautionary measure, you take it once a day, just like someone who has HIV would take. And then if you were to have sex with someone who is HIV positive, that, that acts as a barrier,

I think it's like 96% effective. Really? So that's like a double whammy. Your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is this. Let's go, let's go! Show up on day one. Work out with us for 30 minutes. Feel good right away.

Yo! Repeat five days a week for three weeks. Three weeks? Five workouts a week. We're a body, and we call that a body block. You pick the block, and you're going to love the experience. On week four, this part is really important. Take the week off.

Seriously, we mean it. Rest, go on vacation, or try something new. Maybe some yoga. Notice you're not holding on to any tension here. Or a dance class. Get sexy, we're the daddy. You do you. And then start again.

Be committed to this process. Choose a new body block each month. Get a new challenge each month. Have fun every day. Avoid burnout. You're not going to quit on yourself today. This is how you reach your goals. You win?

There is nothing that we can't do if we work together. Sign up for your first body block today. Visit body.com for a free trial. That's B-O-D-I dot com. Are you ready to get started? So people who are in relationships with people who have, with the prep work, if the person was HIV positive and detectable though?

That's exactly what it's for. Just in case, okay. Okay, I thought it would be, okay, and obviously it's untouchable. I didn't have a lens even. But I would, I mean, okay. Yeah, okay. I thought like it would be okay, and obviously it's untouched. I mean I would be It's a good medication to have if you're in like you said Well, you said not just in your community it could be in every lot of straight people have it a lot of people that so how do people it's still predominantly though from unprotected sex though

For yeah for the most part and then needles of course. Yeah, So if you're not like a, how often is it though, in real life? If you don't, if you don't share needles, if you don't have unprotected sex, I mean, is it, what's the chance of getting? Yeah, the other route would be like blood transfusions, organ transfers, so it's not. It's not like that.

And then there's people who, children who get it through breastfeeding, mother has HIV. But you can get it through breastfeeding, yeah. Wow. So then like, what can you know? So basically, can you just do whatever anyone else at the end of the day? Completely, and that's. So you're totally normal, like I said earlier, the beginning, like, so it doesn't only

deter you from like living your life at all. Exactly, and that's the message that I'm trying to get out there. Right. Yeah. So what it is, yeah, so how do you spread that message, like that platform of, of like, what do you do? Like day to day, like, give me a little bit of like, what you're, feel like, what you do, like to kind of spread this positivity. So the number one thing that I realized when I was like going out into the interwebs and like what information is out there, I'm like there aren't really faces to this. There aren't people really talking about it openly and I'm like

this is such a shame because I'm learning all this amazing stuff about it and that I can live a normal life and I didn't know that and I and nobody's talking about it. So I was I kind of felt a moral imperative to start thinking about it and I can live a normal life and I didn't know that and nobody's talking about it. So I kind of felt a moral imperative to start talking about it, especially since I've become so comfortable with it. So now I've created a YouTube channel where I vlog and talk about living with HIV and everything related to it. Like what, give me an example. Like I just did a vlog that was entitled HIV as a joke and It was about the fact that we as a community in order to help reduce stigma need to realize that we're at a place now

Where the medication's so good and people can live so long it's so manageable that we can start to joke about it Like for example when people say oh just be positive. I'm like I'm always positive So like and that shock of those oh my god like you can't joke about that and I'm like yeah, you can Or I'm like blood I love it and then I'll do like some offensive jokes here and there too like I mean you mean offensive joke I'll be like oh like if you piss me off or something I'll be like well I spit in your drink and I just gave you eight so you have eights now Oh God Can you get it? Can you get it from? Oh God. Can you get it from a bit? No, you can't.

Can you get it from sweat, though? Because that's a body, body fluid. So if you're sweating on like a machine, and I sit on it, no? No, and that's the fear, though. That's what people are scared of. Yeah. How about from like bathrooms?

No, doesn't really survive outside of the body for very long at all. Okay, so you have this blog called HIV. Give me another one that you kind of do. I've done one on HIV and dating and like when's the right time to tell? How do you do it? What do you say? What do you say? For me, I'm like, I don't put it on the apps.

I don't put it on there because when you're trying to like sell yourself as a human being, you want to put your best foot forward, obviously. It's not that you're hiding something. You don't say, oh, and I have depression and I have diabetes, all this stuff. You're like a sales rep. Everybody, you're not any different than any other person.

No one else says, I'm bipolar, I'm only an enemy. They're not, yeah, exactly. So I give the person the opportunity to meet me in the flesh first. Get a vibe on my energy who I am and talk a little bit. And then once we get a little bit comfortable, I'll be like, hey, just so you know, like, I'm HIV positive, I'm undetectable. Do you know anything about it?

Let me tell you about it, and how do you feel, and I'm gonna take it from there. You're scared when you say that first, the first time. I get a twinge of nerves, especially if I feel like I'm invested. And this person's really amazing. They might reject me, but it's just more important to me to be transparent and open than it is for someone to like me. Do your bosses at where you work? Do they know, obviously they know, or not judgey on it, obviously? One of the only encounters that I've had was with the barber ironically.

A barber. Yeah. He was super cool and we talked for a while and I went multiple times and then one day I got comfortable enough and I was like, oh yeah, I do vlogs and HIV, I was diagnosed and he's like, wow, that's so amazing, you're so strong, I'd never be able to do that or handle that and then Radio silence he wouldn't respond to my texts my calls and nothing would not see me after that Wow, that's amazing. I guess I can happen though, right? Because people who don't have the right information They're scared totally right and and people go When I talk about role models people are are like, yeah, there's magic. And I go, that was three decades ago.

Like, what happened to everybody in between? Where is everyone? Where are people in my age? Do you notice really funny? That's the first thing I said to you when you walked in, right? I'm like, magic Johnson has it. And he's a beast. And he's like, he's such a great inspiration for anybody, not just people with HIV, but in general,

because of how much she's done in the accomplished. But you're right, I don't think there's, oh, and then you have Charlie Jean. Besides those two, there's no real, there's not anybody who has a platform or a positive where they're talking about it regularly and making people feel comfortable. Yeah, relatable. Relatable. Or age. Yeah, that's so true. So I'm like, I will be that.

I will fill that void. Right. So what does that mean? When you say you will fill that void, like besides, you know, learning to use gratitude for self empowerment, you know, changing from a victim to a leader mindset. Like you basically are basically using your YouTube, your social media, to be promoting that type of mindset. And I use my life story as an example. So I'm extremely open about my sex life, about what I've been through, the things I overcome, and when I fail and so people can see that and relate and see I'm just another human being like you but I'm like not letting HIV define me or constrict me. Right.

And I'm grateful in spite of all these seemingly horrible situations. That's what I was going to talk about. Like you're grateful in spite of right. Because when I was diagnosed there was a point where I was like thank you God for giving me this, this is a blessing in a way because it opened my eyes to, just realizing that I was living like under autopilot, under something else is control. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to like take my life back.

Well, so I feel that every day. Amazing. You know what's amazing is like it doesn't in a way feel like it was kind of the the light bulb that had to kind of go off because your life became exponentially better in a way afterwards, right? Like of all the things that you do. I've never been healthier, I've never been happier in my life. Isn't that crazy how that happens? Like, from something, this is like an amazing example of from something really negative,

really shifting it to something extremely positive. And I want to like share that with people and be like, nothing has to hold you back from being happy and living a fulfilling life. Nothing. It's really is about mindset and which is what this hope and this is why like you know it's a great way to kind of like segue back into this because this is what this podcast and

what I my message and what I try to tell people or talk about all the time it really all starts and ends in your head. You know it's all about your mindset and why fitness for you and for me in different ways, it was like the vehicle to kind of like really, really kind of mold your mentality to be strong and goal oriented and push you past what lots of you know your barrier obviously is HIV, mines another one and someone else is another one. But it's about your mindset and this is what you needed to do to kind of this is what you needed to kind of like kind of shake you into like a like I guess like a

better shift you into like a better life really. So I don't even see it as a barrier anymore. I almost see it as like a little friendly reminder inside me saying, hey, don't forget, like tap into yourself and like be true and like live your best life because I'm here and I'm here to remind you of that every day. I take it at one pill and I'm like, this is okay, reminder. So yeah, I think that's what I also think is amazing.

What I love about that is that like, that's authentic and real because you really do have something inside of you that like that, you know, you really have something that you that could have gone the other direction, you know, and it does for a lot of people. And it does for a lot of people, unless you really take hold of it and like really shift it and make and like do do the positive the steps to like Live differently. What do you do like what are your you know habits and how so what what are your habits? Like what do you do day to day like give me a day in the life of what you do? Which is structure so?

I try my best every day to wake up and What time do you wake up every day? Do you have a very it's all over the place because with bartending my hours are but I do my best to kind of like keep things as tight as I can but I try to wake up at like 7 a.m. do you have a do you have a morning routine or typically yeah typically okay so wake up at 7 a.m. and then freshen up and then I'll sit down and And for a while I had to grab a two journal. I'd write down 10 unique things that I'm grateful for every day. Now I have a passion planner.

So I do that inside that and go over, okay, what do I need to get done for the day? What are the goals? What are the goals for the week? Just kind of get my mindset going. You do that daily? Yeah. So you don't, so you do,

you used to do 10 things you're grateful for every day, that's a lot of things. It is. But for someone who is not used to thinking that way, it's crucial. Right. 10's a lot though, you start with three, you can start with like two maybe. You could, but you need to challenge yourself. Can they like kind of like move, move, you know, progress into 10 maybe?

The thing is, I think at the beginning, people like judge themselves and criticize themselves and like, this is not a good thing to be grateful for. Or this is just too generic, or this is the wrong thing. It's like you just gotta let it flow and just like, I'm grateful for the fact that I just breathed right now. Right. Amazing. So I take away the judgment of it and just start writing and it could be small little things you're grateful for it doesn't have to be these

like grandiose big things and it just gets your heart open and your mind flowing fully I like that okay what else then take my dog out let me do his business and then usually I'm just like excited to get to the gym okay do that go to the gym so do you work out every day five six days a week and if you're competitive bodybuilder are you have you every, have you, what have you done so far in that space? Have you want any like pro, or you like? Yeah, I just got my pro qualification last year in a natural federation. Okay. So it's tested, water tested. So lifetime natural and most steroids are any of that, which I just

felt like was kind of important considering. Yes, considering everything, yeah. So, yeah. Are you competing right now? I'm getting ready for a competition August 24th. Okay, now. So, there you go. Okay.

But you have to have you been in a competition. Yeah, I've done, I think like four. I won first and the last one which gave me the qualification. Right. So as soon as I start to put on stage, I should be, I mean, I will be a pro when I someone put on stage. That's amazing. So you're right now doing that right now.

You're training again. Yeah, and dieting. Okay. Very hard. Well, kind of diet, are you doing? It's like, my coach will formulate it for every week, but it's like, I have four eggs for breakfast and a greens powder, protein, post workout, banana, and a shake, and then I'll do for lunch 12 ounces

of potato. Like the sweet potato? A regular potato. A regular potato. The sweet gives me an irritation back in my throat. Interesting. Then I'll do like grass fed or organic beef, 90, 10, 7 ounces of that and then broccoli and same thing for dinner and then there's supplements throughout the day.

It's just the same every day. It sounds like, honestly, it sounds like torture. I mean, it isn't always. It doesn't always. I want to make sure, as you know, I'm in the health and fitness world, that kind of structure, that's like not sustainable. This is when you're training for a very specific thing. You don't do that. You don't do that. Yeah, after 12 weeks,, that's like not sustainable. This is when you're training for a very specific thing, but you don't do that. Yeah, after 12 weeks, would you go,

like that? I binge eat McDonald's in and out. You do? So you're basically like, so, but that's a problem a lot of times because people are so like structured and they're like, I'll have six ounces of a chicken brass in it, and then, the second they like, you know, they'll revert the other way and not just like in and out and then have broccoli. The second they like, you know, go, they'll revert the other way and not just like, in and out and then like they'll just balloon. I'll do it for like a week or so and then I'll kind of like taper back.

I know a lot of people who are like competitive, you know, bikini models, competitive like fitness people. That's obviously not my area of expertise, but I find that like a lot of these girls that I know, they lean out so much and then they balloon up because of the The difference between going back and forth like that's what it's a it's a It's like people who go on weight loss programs absolutely, but I feel like that's like a way a lot of it

It's like a mind fuck over there too, right? Because you discipline your social you're deprived you derive and then you like go not I need to reward myself Yeah, exactly. There's always There's always a whole thing right now that people don't like these 30-day challenges because they feel like, again, it's a little deprivation. And anyway, I'm taking another tangent here. So get your fingers rolled. OK, so anyway, so then let's go back.

So then you have a there, you go to the gym, and then do you do body? How do you work out? Yeah, it's mostly strength hypertrophy. Yeah, no cardio. Yeah, a little bit. A little bit of cardio. OK.

But I'm on my feet when I bartend, 7, 8, 9 hours straight, no break. So I didn't say that though. So that's my cardio, usually. Yeah. Funny. You got a lot of cardio, right? And then, it's kind of meal prepping and organizing

and just normal day-to-day stuff in between then, okay. So, male prepping and like organizing and just normal day to day stuff in between. So, you do all your meal prepping, like, yes, but that's because of what you're doing now with that. I try to handle social media, like, I'll spend a certain amount of time just replying to comments and DMs and stuff. So, a lot of people reach out, like, reach out to you. So, many. I have a thing we're on Instagram, I post now. Every single day, it's called my daily motivation, hashtag my daily motivation, hashtag HIV and I'll just put

one message that someone sent me anonymously and I'll just put that up there. Really? And it just in that motivates other people to see that too. I'm from Morocco too and I'm in the same situation and yeah. So I mean like you're saying because there's not very many people who are on like use themselves as a platform to be that person in your spit in that space right like you said like I'm shocked there's only magic Johnson 30 years ago or like Charlie's crazy it's amazing and I feel like I'm well equipped enough to handle also the haters is there a lot of haters though I wouldn't say there's a lot, but there's certainly people out there who are just so anti-hit.

So I guess, is it important to have a very structured daily routine when you have HIV or not for taking a medication? I guess it's where my confusion is, right? Can you just go like, I'll, you know, bolst the wall, do whatever you want, if you're taking them as long as you're on the medication? Or do you have to still, like, is it the combination of the medication, the healthy lifestyle?

Like, what's the balance? I would say, of course, my bias is, yeah, routine. Yeah. But I would say when you're not undetectable, that is the crucial time where, yes, everything you do matters and helps. Taking the medication at the same time of day every day, being healthy, exercising, all of that to help support your immune system to recover. Can you actually, you know what I was curious?

Can you exercise too much? Because if you, because because that's also like a havoc on your immune system. Absolutely, and sometimes in CD4 that measure of your white blood cell count, that'll fluctuate naturally, depending on your immune system. And if I'm going ham and the jam and my adrenal glands are depleted and my central nervous system is depleted, that'll affect my immune system and it'll go down. I just don't freak myself out about I go I go, that's just something that happens when you were in touch. Right. So you have to monitor that.

Any pro athletes, yeah. Right. And so like, it's cardio considered good or bad. It's good for your heart, but it comes because weights are that harder on your immune system or is cardio or doesn't matter just in terms of like the amount, the intensity. Yeah, the intensity. The intensity. Exactly. So are you able to do like hit training often? Yeah.

Just not me. I just kind of listen to my own body, and I'm like, if I feel like my brain's fried, and I feel like a live wire, then I go, OK, I need to like chill out a little bit in the past. But like you're saying drinking drugs, stuff like that, you don't, I guess because you're going to be careful with that.

No, bartender. Do you drink a lot? I drink so, You don't, I guess because you, you gonna be careful with that. bartender. Do you drink, do you drink a lot? I drink so I don't drink a lot. I don't like to drink a lot. Okay, but I do drink socially. But if medications can be difficult on the liver, is that something that, um, it like you don't live like so freaking clean like like a, like a priest? No. But it's not necessary. I need a shot of vodka to get through an eight hour shift.

And you're OK with that. And I'm OK with that. It didn't change. But I'm saying, if someone was taking the medication, and they were like, not really exercising much and eating really shitty, does it affect the efficacy of what happens? I think it could.

For example, if someone was on a tripla, that one that really messed me up, if they're drinking alcohol, then they're screwing up their system for sure. But a lot of the newer medications now are so easy on the body and very non-toxic. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

So is there any kind of like unique rituals that you do? Be said, we all know. And the major one is like, I'll do like, I'll create affirmations for myself whenever I need it. Okay. Because I so much of what's difficult for people is their self-talk.

And then we like, in your head, you just don't even realize you're on autopilot going, God, I'm so tired. I'm so over this. I wanna do this. I wanna do this. You don't even realize you're saying that to yourself. So if I realize, I'll just go,

no, no, no, like, okay, what's the affirmation? Okay, just, it's the next about the next moment. The next step, just get through this. Be in the moment. This is good for you. It's teaching you discipline, teaching you hard work. It doesn't matter what other people are doing or aren't doing if they're not working as hard as you. This is good for you. It's teaching you discipline, teaching you hard work. It doesn't matter what other people are doing or are doing if they're not working as hard as you. This is for you. This will pay off in the long run and

it just kind of changing that mental tape. All right. So so far I got you, you got you to gratitude, you do the passion journal. What's the different thing in passion journal and the gratitude? That one's just the name of the planner. Oh yeah. You, yeah. You should use the morning joke. Yeah, maybe I will. You should, I'll give it to you. I think so I want to have. I'll send you.

I'll give it to you. And, okay, so what would you say you think your biggest accomplishment then is? I would say it's just changing the mindset from what I would say is someone who is a victim to someone who is a leader. I feel like I'm a leader now, not just in my own life, but to the world. I'm trying to be and trying to be an example. That's what I'm so proud of. And it's working. Yeah. So how often are you vlogging? Weekly now. I'm

trying to do more. I'm also working with AIDS Healthcare Foundation. They're like the world's biggest nonprofit for HIV services. They brought me on recently. That's why I can work half-time at the bar because now they're I'm getting paid. So, I'm also creating more content with them, scripted content for them. I'll be in the parade with AHF on Sunday. So I'm planning on taking my shirt off, of course. And I'm going to write, I'm going to write like living with HIV, because how many people do you see and like that you know, because HIV is hidden. So how do you know? So I think the visibility of seeing someone like in really great shape, living with HIV, maybe on the back, like positive and thriving or healthy or something

like that. That's great. Positive and thriving. That's so great. Yeah. You know, it's amazing. Well, I mean, it's a best of luck to you because we really are. It's an inspiration. Where do people find you? I know that you're on YouTube, but what's your handle on social media?

It's my first and last name, Rafe Derazi. You always spell that. R-A-I-F-D-E-R-R-A-Z-I. Same thing on Instagram. I'm really active on Instagram stories with the motivations and spell that. R-A-I-F-D-E-R-R-A-Z-I. Same thing on Instagram. I'm really active on Instagram stories with the motivations and all that. Good. I like that. I don't want to follow.

I think I do follow you. I'll definitely be following you. We'll be following each other. Is there anything else you want to add? I'm just looking over like your stuff. I mean, I... We covered a lot. I think we covered a lot.

It's really good. Yeah. Okay's really good. Yeah. Okay, well listen. Now you guys know how to find Rape. He is definitely an inspiration and he is a prime example of like churning a negative into a positive. But a bum.

And you guys should follow him because of his motivation and just because his all around good goodness of a guy. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much. Thank you. Bye-bye everybody. you