Habits and Hustle - Episode 268: Develop THESE Traits To Be Perceived As More Charismatic

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

What makes someone charismatic? In this solo episode of Habits and Hustle podcast, we chat about the different characteristic traits that one must have to be perceived as charismatic. We also discuss how important it is to have charisma in order to experience any sort of success in life. What I discuss: 00:12: What makes someone charismatic?  04:18: Is charisma necessary for success? Find more from Jen:  Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen  Books: https://www.jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://www.jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagements Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I got this Tony Robbins you're listening to Habits in Hustle, crush it. Let's talk about charisma. Let's do it. Okay. What do you think of somebody who has charisma? What do you envision? Like, what makes someone charismatic in your opinion? Someone who makes me want to continue listening to them and continue being around them.

Because of the mannerisms in which they're speaking. Hmm. Yeah. Like, if I am drawn to that person because of the way in which they present themselves, like how they're talking, how they use their hands, what their facial expressions are like, what their body language is like, to me, that is someone that exudes charisma. That is someone I want to pay attention to for longer. Don't, okay. I mean, there's like a test you can take on...

Oh! Did it take 12 traits that you can master to have to be charismatic? Oh, what, wait, what? Yeah, and it's a combination of things like self-awareness, warmth, competence, playfulness, you could also be someone who is humble. Like I think that's like,

and you can see like where you are on that list. When I think of someone who's charismatic, I think of somebody who is very confident, but at the same time self-deprecating, humble, really good with emotional EQ, able to read a room, make eye contact, a sense of humor. I think it really is a balance between a lot of very positive character traits. And it's like you can't have too much of one. And you can't have too little either.

It's like somebody who knows they have like a very good balance of all of it together. Well, I like that. That's a good definition. I feel like that covers, because if you're just really funny, you're just a comedian, right? You might not necessarily be charismatic.

You might be kind of an ass. You might be, I have those kids around, but you might be, you know, someone who's not nice, right? And that makes you, therefore, not charismatic, but you can be really funny. You're just comedian. But you can take your comedic ability and then become charismatic.

How you deal with people, engage with people, interact with people. Like a lot of it, I feel as I think if you have a really high EQ and understand like human dynamics and reading the, not just the room, but the other person around you and then making them feel comfortable, that really makes you more charismatic.

Yes, oh my God, making someone feel comfortable, that's actually a really good point. Making someone feel at ease and I think playful ties into that. Something that I've always really figured out. Hell true is like having a really serious conversation with someone who can't exit the seriousness, it's really daunting for me

because then I feel like I'm stuck in that serious mode the entire time and there's no reprieve, there's no lightness, you know? So I love that they added playful and I think playful also encourages welcoming. But it's interesting that you said you have to have like a bit of all of that and you have to be balanced.

Yeah, because at some point, you have to, I think people who are very cares-mad at it also have, I say playfulness, but I also say there could be a little bit of flirtatiousness. You're not, but not in a, you don't have to be in a creepy way. Right. But I mean someone who is playfully flirty, both guy, it could be for a guy and a girl,

like, you know, smiling a lot. But again, you can't be having this like, stupid grit, you can't have a stupid grit on your face the whole time, or else you look at a cook, right? It's like making a cake, making some kind of like, being a chef, right? Like, you put too much salt in something,

it ruins the entire dish, right? But like, every dish, every cake needs flour, eggs, butter, but if you put too much eggs or too much butter or too much flour, then it's just a delicious cake. That's okay. Then the, when the balance is off, it ruins the entire, the entire cake. Absolutely. So it's a real balance between a lot of different qualities. That's what I think. I like it. It's a much deeper That's what I think. I like it. It's a much deeper definition than what I gave.

I think it ties it in. It's like who the person is is. I mean, I agree. I just think it's, I think charisma is so important too, especially depending on the field that you're in. I think charisma, I believe, that charisma is essential for success. I think in every kind of success, right?

That's how you draw people in. If you're not a charismatic person, it's hard to draw people in. If you're not a charismatic person, it's hard to draw people in. So there's so many, that's why I take a charismatic, taking a test on it. There's like, again, there's all these brothers and sisters, right? You can't just be charismatic

and have nothing to fall back on. So I believe there is a big piece of competence that has to go with charismatic, to be charismatic, or you just become, it like loses its like thing after a while, right? Like to have like sustainable charisma, you have to be competent, you have to be warm, you have to be playful, slightly flirtatious,

but in a playful, platonic way. Right. And... And competent. And back it up. Yeah, but like humble confidence. Right. But then like...

No sorry, competent, competent. Yeah, yeah. But what I was gonna say is there's a lot of like brothers and sisters like I think being likeable is a sister to being charismatic. You can also have, you gotta be bold, right? In order to... But even when you're bold, like people always ask me. I miss that word, you know.

I thought that's in a while. I miss it in a while. thought that's in a while. I haven't seen it in a while. But I always come back because I really believe you have to be bold to be successful. However, people always ask me about it. And I always say, you can't just be a bull in a China shop. If you're just bold, but don't build any other character

traits or qualities that enhance everything together, you're just a bulldoin and a china shop and you're really not, you're going to turn off a lot of people and it's not going to go to your advantage. But you have to be bold, but you also have to learn how to be likable, how to have charisma, how to read a room, reading a room in EQ, like having a high EQ, emotional intelligence, to me, is the most important quality of all. It's like trumps everything because without having a high EQ or a good EQ, it doesn't matter if you're charismatic, bold, you're not any of them.

You're not charismatic if you don't have a high EQ. You're not likable because you don't know how to interact and put yourself in situations with people, social situations, and you end up more likely than not, actually being a huge turn off. So learning like emotional intelligence or ways to be more emotionally intelligent, I think is key. And when you do that, you become much more charismatic.

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How can you take this test? How do people take this quiz? They can just Google it. I don't think it's like, I mean, at this point, you can Google anything. Google. But is there one company that you like or it's just like any... I just Google something here. I just Google.

Because that's super cool. I mean, self-awareness is where it all starts, right? So, but in order to be self-aware, you need to have, you, that's a start with being self-aware to know what you know what you don't know and know what you're good at, know what you don't where you're not good at and, and have the interest and desire to better your emotional intelligence. Because self-awareness plus a higher EQ equals all the other character traits that you need

in order to be successful. Again, I can't even stress this enough. It's not just, again, I don't want this always come out to hate using that word. I feel like it's an overused word, success, success, success. But the truth is, I talk about success in lots of different governments of life. It's not just being financially successful,

professionally successful. I'm talking about being personally successful, having good relationships, friendships, having a life that you feel success in. You know, it's not like one dimensional, one thing. If you only have success in one area, you're actually not successful. You're actually you should reevaluate your life

because if you're so dominant in one side, likely is that you're really missing out or you're flailing in other areas. And so maybe to balance that out, you have to work on those other areas for like a real holistic success, I guess you would call it, right? It's interesting.

The theme of this podcast accidentally became balance, right? Like balance between all the different features you need to be charismatic, balancing all the different areas of success in life. Like, I think that it's, yeah, it's fascinating. But in order to get that self-awareness as to whether or not you are charismatic, you should go take that test. I'm so curious. Drop your results in any comment section for this podcast.

I will say though, I don't believe in balance in real life though, I think balance is something that does not exist, but I think in order to have something fundamentally like a trait, like charismatic or whatever, like that one, you need to be able to balance a lot of qualities that doesn't make you off-putting to somebody else. Because at the end of the day, we're all beings that have to relate with other people for our success,

in personal, in professional, and so to know how to like, to ride the wave of like human dynamics and interaction, so important. Okay, so I have a question for you as a parent. How much do you feel like the parental role plays in how likable a child is? I'm always so curious about that. Like, is there a big factor there? I think so. Well, I think that, like, I do believe that it all started the home first, and I think teaching your children what is appropriate behavior, inappropriate behavior, what is likable qualities that people like wanna be around versus not,

like it's about teaching. And parenting is not just talking, it's about showing and acting. To me, like kids are way more, they learn more by your actions than what you say anyway. So if they see you being kind, likable to others, having a lot of friends, being social, working hard, being productive, they pick up on those things in an indirect way that then will affect them.

That's what I think. Yeah, so interesting. Jordan Peterson, I went to like a talk of his ones years ago and he said, um, stop raising unlikable kids. Like if you don't want to hang out with your kids, that's a problem. That's a problem. That's a problem. Oh, I think I actually heard it was fun, but that's great.

Yeah, I heard that before. So, yeah, so, but I am a big believer that, you know, you are what you do, not what you say you do, or what you want to do. It's about what you actually do. And other people around you, especially kids around you, that's how they become who they are.

So be careful. Yes. That's what I say. And if you want to learn how to be more charismatic, Google it and take a test. And also just remember, everything it's about balancing, not being too overwhelming, it's like salt or sugar or flour in a cake.

If you just a little bit too much, one way or the other can ruin it. So you got to be very careful. Please leave a comment and, if you just a little bit too much one way or the other, can ruin it. So you gotta be very careful. Please leave a comment and subscribe if you haven't. See you soon. So I'm here to tell you about a show I recently listened to and loved. It's called The U-Turn Podcast, and it's hosted by Ashley Stahl, who is of all things a counterterrorism professional turned career expert.

She's also a best-selling author and a highly thought-after Ted X Beachwriter. U-Turn is part of the YAP Media Network, and the show is a top-ranking leisure and careers podcast. Her goal with each episode is to bring on psychology experts with fresh content to help you elevate your confidence in work, love, and just life in general. She's really here to help you reconnect to who you truly are and what you truly want and to make what she likes to call a you, you turn. She has great conversations, and each conversation's kind of like a mini masterclass packed with actionable advice and items just for you.

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