Habits and Hustle - Episode 272: Why You Need to Stop Focusing on The Now

Episode Date: September 1, 2023

Do you let the feeling of “not feeling like it” get in the way of your goals?    In this solo episode of the Habits and Hustle podcast, I chat about the importance of focusing on how you will feel in the future, after you do something that you know you should do, instead of focusing on how you feel in the moment. Whether it be working out or drinking, it’s important to think of how you feel now and how it may make you feel after you do the “thing”. What I discuss: 00:43: Where should you put your focus? 05:16: Why do people enjoy alcohol? 08:01: How should you think of what to focus on? Thank you to our sponsor: KETONE IQ: Go to hvmn.com/jen and get 30% off your first subscription  Find more from Jen: Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen Books: https://www.jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://www.jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagements Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I got this Tony Robbins you're listening to Habits in Hustle, crush it! And here we are! So the episode, we were just shooting this shit over here with Moshani and I'll on like literally the most mundane, like, unimportant shit in my hair and if it's darker or lighter than it used to be. What do you guys think? Yeah, so what do you think? I got a little bit of a trim.

That's basically the big conversation topic. Are you gonna tune out and just move on to the next thing? No, I'm joking. Okay, let's move on. Let's talk about something that I was thinking about last night, which is this idea of what you focus on. I think this is actually really interesting

because I like to focus on things that I think about not how I feel before I of times, the things that you feel bad about later are the things that you feel good about before. And the things that you kind of feel like you don't wanna do actually make you feel better after. So focus on how you feel after something, not how you feel before something, like exercise, right? No one would ever say they felt worse after working out, but they would say they felt worse

after drinking, you know, a liter of tequila, but at the time they decided to do it, they were super psyched and excited and happy, and they felt really good about it, and it was gonna be a good time, and then they do it, and they felt really good about it and it was gonna be a good time and then they do it and they felt like shit after. So think about those things because if you focus on health versus happiness, you know, health leads you to happiness. It's supposed to like focusing on being happy, being happy, but not doing any of the right steps and making the right choices and doing the right decisions to get you to that place.

Mmm. I love that. Wait, that's so great. This idea of, I think so many people are waiting to feel good before they pursue a lot of these things. Yeah, they're waiting to. Not thinking that pursuing these things will lead you to feeling good. Right.

That's the whole thing. Like you switch it on its head, right? We're all waiting for this moment when we feel happy and feel a certain way to then go after something or do something versus what I just said, which is this idea that you focus on being mentally healthy, physically healthy, in relationships that are healthy, and all of those things will end up morphing into happiness by doing the things that make you happy and all of those things will end up morphing into happiness by doing the things that make you happy in all of those pursuits. So don't focus on how you feel at that moment.

Think about how you feel after that thing. Hmm. That's such good motivation. Well, it's actually a really good practice for motivation with the gym. Like sitting there thinking to yourself, okay, I obviously don't wanna go. I don't wanna go. But how am I gonna feel? And like self talk your way through

going to the actual gym. And the gym is like one exam. It's just one year or so. But I think the gym is a good example because I mean, at this point, like a lot of times I don't wanna go to the gym. Like there's a million things I'd rather do than work out, right, because you know, I'm tired.

I have no energy. I have a laundry list of things to do laundry being maybe one of them, you know? And if I focus on all of those things, then it doesn't behoove me versus if I focus on how I feel after the fact, like I feel great after I work out that I'm going to have the energy to actually do all those other things and pursue all those other things. But it's also like I said,

it's about like pursuing anything. The focus is always on the before and never on the after, right? Like I said, the one-eight stand or drinking a leader of tequila, all these things that will make you feel like shit after. I would die with a leader of tequila. I'm just making that up. For the good guy.

It's, well, yeah, well, I don't drink that much. For, like, the drinking to me is so gross. Like, I don't understand how it's such a popular pastime because in the moment, it's like that only thing that's good about it in the moment, but really soon thereafter, it's gross. You can't sleep well, it's bloating, you feel gross, like you get a headache, you get like, I mean, what is the attraction so much? I love the feeling of being drunk,

but I literally hate the taste of alcohol so much more than I love the feeling of being drunk that I refuse to drink it, because it's so gross. See, because I guess, okay, I just answered my own question. I literally hate the taste of alcohol so much that I have to basically, it's like, it's so hard to even to drink ad drink for me because the taste is so gross.

But I guess there are people actually like the taste. So there are, it's so weird. I mean, if you like the taste, it makes more sense to me, or it's like a social lubricant, right? People rely on alcohol as like a social lubricant, right? Because it makes everything much easier, and you lose your inhibitions. You can talk to the people that you otherwise would feel uncomfortable to talk to. It will make you feel more comfortable in your skin. But really, Stu, that fine line turns really quickly where you become sloppy and you know,

you're drooling and your mouth is dry. And it's, there's like, it doesn't last that long. Like the good effect, the happiness part doesn't last that long. Three precautions are so much worse. I feel like inhibitions are good, at least for me. Like, I need some, like, I need something to shut me up just a little bit. We need some downshree. Yeah. So I've been sleeping on these blissey pillowcases lately and let me just tell you I had no idea a pillowcase could actually get me a better night's sleep.

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Woohoo! So, Shawnee has no filter and there is a little boundary. I have a lot of filter. I don't say a lot that comes out of my mind. I just have so much to say. I honestly probably spew like 2% of what I'm saying. Really? Yeah, yeah. It's not shocking considering how much I spew that it's a

two percent. Oh, I know I give myself a headache just with my own self-touch. Oh my gosh That is where to sew. Yeah, so anyway, those are my two cents on what you should be focusing on or like how you should think of What you should focus on I like it. Do you want to add anything? Well, I had a question for you. What are some other examples of them than working out? I was trying to think in my head. I think like having hard conversations is one of them. No, I think that, no, a couple other things.

Right. I said like alcohol and drinking. Right, right. You make poor decisions when you're out. Also, I should forgot about that, but you make poor decisions when you usually have to drink. Oh yeah, how do we not mention that? I was like the worst part of it.

And like how you feel afterwards, like I said, the one night stand was just one brand, or sleep, whatever, like hooking up with some whatever it is, I don't know what it is, but it's just one way that can kind of... So what are things that make you feel good after? Those are things that make you feel bad.

Like what's something that's really hard before, but that makes you feel good kind of like exercise, but you know what I mean? I think having difficult conversations with people and procrastinating and putting them off, and then when you actually do it, you feel really relieved after. Usually, things are never as bad as you think it will be. A lot of times, we tend to overthink something, like we tend to like overthink something, something to be so horrible and like in our heads, everything seems much more awful, worse, daunting, and then when it actually happens,

it's never as bad as what you thought it was gonna be. That's so true. Like it's never as bad, but we tend to like, we ruminate. Rumination is awful. It's the worst, because then you actually suffer twice. You suffer while you're ruminating the entire time leading up to it

and then you have to have the conversation, which is also a bit of suffering. And it just, but it also like just, it sets you up for more of rumination, right? Because rumination equals more rumination because then you procrastinate and the fear of doing something just makes you ruminate it but it more.

Versus if you just like do it and get it done, and then realize that it wasn't as bad as you actually thought it would be. So that would be one, having difficult conversations. Procrastin is a good one, because you know it's schoolwork. I always had this, especially with like essays and stuff. I put it off for so long because it felt good not to do it right now. Or anything hard. But it's just gonna win.

I just think the point that I'm trying to make is doing anything that's difficult will weigh you down at the beginning beforehand and you'll think of all the reasons why not to do something because it's difficult. It's not easy, it's hard, all the other euphemisms, but once you actually do it, the feeling of accomplishment after is so much better than the feeling of

that uncomfortable feeling before. So if you can just focus on that feeling afterwards, that's how you should make your decision, not around the not wanting or uncomfortable or how you feel prior. Let's just leave it at that because we're just talking about the same thing over and over again. I like it. I think this is actually really important. Yeah. I did it. Well, should we say goodbye? Yeah, subscribe, like, follow, subscribe to the podcast, like and follow. That's it. Thank you. Bye.

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