Habits and Hustle - Episode 289: Ashley Stahl: How to Figure Out What You Really Want

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

In this episode of Habits and Hustle, I chat with Ashley Stahl, a counter-terrorism expert turned career guru, who shares her wisdom on tapping into your core skills and interests to design a fulfilling career. Ashley's professional trajectory is nothing short of impressive. Her story underpins the notion that careers are not linear and that it's okay to reimagine and pivot when necessary.  This episode is filled with insights into how using our core skills and values can help develop a fulfilling and meaningful career. We discuss the importance of understanding our core nature, the power of intuition in decision-making, and the concept of nonlinear careers. We also delved into the importance of creating a powerful personal brand, the role of storytelling in our career paths, and the concept of a money blueprint. Ashley Stahl is host of the YouTurnPodcast and bestselling author of “You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, And Design Your Dream Career”, Forbes blogger, and author on a mission to help job seekers step into a career that lights them up. As a creative writer, modern-day entrepreneur, and content creator, more than 516,000 job seekers have subscribed to Ashley's free trainings, while her online courses have helped thousands of job seekers in 31 countries with unlocking their best career fit, landing job offers, and upgrading their confidence.  What we discuss: 06:15 - The Importance of Knowing Your Core Values 11:18 - Exploring Core Values, Skill Set, and Energy Levels 18:03 - How to Make a U-Turn in Your Life 27:36 - Charisma, Influence, and How to Make Lasting Impressions 30:08 - The 4 Key Parts to an Elevator Pitch 34:00 - The Money Blueprint 37:05 - What’s it Mean to Be a Realist Thank you to our sponsors: Therasage: Head over to therasage.com and use code Be Bold for 15% off Pendulum: Head over to www.pendulum.com and use code JENCOHEN for 20% off. Greenfat: Head over to Greenfat.com and use code Hustle20 to save 20%! Head to go.mycopilot.com/HUSTLE to get a 14 day FREE trial with your own personal trainer. Find more from Jen:  Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen  Books: https://www.jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://www.jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagement Learn more from Ashley Stahl: Website: https://www.ashleystahl.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ashleystahl/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I got this Tony Robbins you're listening to Habits in Hustle, crush it. Today we have Ashley Stahl, she is a career expert, right? But you were a counter-terrorism expert in your previous life. Is that correct? Basically, the deal. And first of all, I guess my first obvious question is how did you ricochet from being in the counterterrorism world to then being a career person and a career expert? It's very, very different.

I know. I know. I feel like that's the truth of who we really are, though. I feel like who we are is such multi-faceted beings. And in the same way, a plant is like a growing organism. So are we with our skin cells, like shedding every seven years for a new body? So it's like you know, um, I started encounter terrorism because I remember in college going to the career services office and

trying to figure out with the with the lady there like, what do I want to do? Who do I want to be when I grow up? And I remember she gave me all those like three worded directives like do what you love and follow your bliss and you know, and I remember leaving like way more confused than I even began and just feeling so confused. And it wasn't until way later that I would realize there's a huge difference between being interested in something and being a happy consumer of something and being a successful producer of something. So, you know, I love consuming fashion politics.

That does not mean I'm meant to be a fashion designer or a politician. You know what I mean? So, at the time, I chose three majors because I just, not because I was an overachiever, but more because I didn't know what to commit to. Like, I was scattered. So, I picked French, history, and government. And it was during the time where we were looking for Osama bin Laden and I always had a protector in me. And it's so interesting

because in 2008 I was living in France and I'll never forget it. There was like this pouring rainy day. Nobody was out except for this one couple. They had an umbrella, they had a baby and the man, I think, goes to her husband, hit her across the face. Like, in broad daylight, like pretty aggressively, and she had this baby crying in one of those little things that the baby, like a kangaroo situation that the baby's in. And I wanted to savor, you know, I wanted to be helpful, but instead I made a career decision about her. And I think, in that moment, I felt like this mama bear in me wanted to protect her,

wanted to be a protector in general, and the highest level of being a protector I thought was working in national security. So I gave everything to my career. I learned languages, Dari, Arabic, bilingual and French. And when I finally got to the Pentagon, I realized, wow, I'm an amazing job hunter. Every single friend in the recession came to me when I got all these job offers, better students than I was, but I'm way too sensitive to be sitting here in the Pentagon. And it was the worst feeling ever after putting so many years of education into it. I know a lot of people feel that way, where it was like, what have I been up

to? Like, why am I here? I can't hold a gun, let alone. I wanted to be in the CIA. I thought I was going to save the world and be helpful at the highest level I knew how. And then I realized, like, my core values were in direct competition with who that role needed me to be. I was going to say something. I wanted to ask you about core values

versus core skill set, what you talk about in your book. But I wanted to first kind of like continue with what you said because I think when you first said was I think what a big trap is for people because a really big hashtag trending thing is follow your passion. And people like to me, it's like, what do you mean follow your, that's such an arbitrary thing. Like you're right. Like, follow your passion. You're right.

Like, you can like, I can like a lot of things. I like to watch trashy TV. Doesn't mean I want to be a real housewife. So, you know, I think that what happens is we're given these platitudes and then we blindly follow versus understanding and knowing what our true core skill set is and really making you know our career what we're good at and then whatever we like keep them as hobbies but that was what I was gonna say. Yeah I love that I feel like core okay so every chapter of my book and the message of the book is don't do what you

love like don't follow your passion do what you are and so all 12 chapters of the book are geared towards helping you figure out who is that and how do I bring that into my career and two core facets of that, our core values and your core skillset. So there's kind of two, maybe I want to say three big dynamics in your career. The first one is the how and the second one is the what and the third one is your energy levels. So here's what I mean. The what is the what and the third one is your energy levels. So here's what I mean. The what is about what are you doing? What is your skill set? According to research,

we are good at what we're good at, right? Like we move quickly in careers where we're aligned with our skill set and it feels good to do good. It feels good to be good. And I think that we notice when somebody's really working in their zone of genius, because those sorts of workers are noticeable, like you're like, oh, wow, you're really clicked into a skill set you've got. Those people get so many opportunities in their career. And opportunities can kind of be a form of distraction.

So once you figure it out what you're good at, it's really about the tasks that you carry out best, how you're using your body, mind, heart, your energy. And that's why I think your interest is really interesting, like let's say you're into fashion, but that to me is the backdrop, not the foreground. The foreground of your career is how are you using your skills? So that's the what, what are you doing? The second piece is the how.

That goes to how do you work best? Given that 50% of people leave their job because they don't like their boss, or if you're an entrepreneur, it's pretty shocking statistic. A lot of people, if they leave you, maybe it's because they don't like you. It's very powerful to take that leadership

and really self-reflect on how you show up with your people. And so given that that's true, we can assume that how your situation looks is mattering just as much as what your situation is. So you know, whatever your skill set is, whatever your job is, you're carrying out, whatever your business is, how it looks matters. So the question is, what are your core values? And I think a lot of people struggle with us because they're too aspirational in the

values they picked. It's interesting. And one of the chapters in my book, I have a whole core values list. And when readers come to me, I found that we're not very good at determining our own core values. I think that we get too focused on what we want to be and not who we are. So to me, your core values are the non-negotiable ingredients

by which you live your life, and they make you you. So for example, my core values are fun, like take fun away, and I'm not here. Connection, like I can't, like I die a little bit when I can't really connect with people, you'll see me get quiet. It's like the weirdest thing. People who know me are like, what's going on?

It's because a core value went out the door, you know? Yeah, I'm with you on that one for sure. Connection. Yeah, connection. I actually even did your quiz on your website. You take the quiz and said to help you kind of figure out where you should be career wise. Obviously, I knew you were coming on my podcast.

And that was a question I saw a lot about the connection piece. That was a big through line because it's true. I think that that's a core value of somebody and you're not getting that, that's also with life, that not just with your career, it's a big one. Right. Well, that's a really cool thing to look at is,

can you bring some of this core value into your life? Do you need it in your career? I think the problem with people's career is when it violates their core values. So let's say you know your top five core values and I think having conversations with people that love you and know you are Helpful for that like hey, do you think what do you think my core principles? You know and values are they family authenticity?

Balance whatever right and by the way to find them because you know I have client my private practice He told me adventure was a core value and for him that meant skydiving and then this other girl said adventure and for her it meant trying new Restaurants in Miami, so So like define the values my friends. But hilarious. Yeah, it's all relative I guess to who you're watching to, right? It is. And it's interesting because I think that if your job has four or three of your core values, that's one thing. It's not a bad thing. It's not about you having all your values in your job. But I think when your job violates a core value,

that's when you're bound to be in a lot of pain. So for example, connections of core value, and I'm sitting in the Pentagon where I need to lie about who I am if I wanna advance in my career because I was on the path to being in the Central Intelligence Agency. You can't tell people what you're up to. How can I be in connection when somebody asked me how my day was and I can't tell them

anything about my day or how I'm feeling or why I'm feeling that way. So that was just one of the bajillion thoughts that I had when I was in national security. But how old were you? Because you don't seem like very old. So I mean, when when were you doing this? I'm 36 now. I was 23 then. Okay. So you were really young. Was it like your first? Like, so you were kind of, was that a job that you got

right out of school and you were kind of just flirting your way back then? And you made that pivot pretty, pretty early on, maybe then. I was kind of ushered into a leadership role. So basically what happened, if you work in the government, it's kind of like a chicken or egg situation with a security clearance. Like you can't get a security national security job unless you have a security clearance, but you can't get a security clearance unless you have a government job. Like they're not just going to give that to you. So it's a real chicken or the egg. That's why you see a lot of military people who go into the government because they already have that clearance.

Oh, right. Okay. So I went in the back door and I got in through defense contracting because private companies that have these big government contracts, the only difference between me at the Pentagon and someone that got hired directly through the government was I had a pink badge and they had a white badge to get into the building. And my job was going to expire in five years and there's just keeps on going because they're on government payroll. What I loved, what it was like, it was the private sector, but it was still the public

sector. So I kind of got the perks of both. I got a higher paycheck, but it was more risky because I was a shorter term higher for five years. All of it said, going in to defense, they had had a lot of kernels in my role, like out of the military, but the problem was that they were top to delegate and they did that really well. But they needed somebody in my shoes,

in that position that wanted to do the work themselves, like wanted to get their hands dirty. So I ended up getting this huge opportunity in a leadership position at 23. And before that, I was an admin assistant answering phones and Los Angeles after I finished my graduate degree, just kind of like waiting for my big moment. But yeah, it's interesting because,

you know, I was talking about your core skillset, which we've talked about, and then your core values being violated, and then there's your energy levels. So to finalize the core values being violated, you know, let's say your core skillset is words, which is definitely mine, you know, like I actually in the past year, speaking of pivots,

because my TED talk changed my career so much, like it went so viral, I started getting booked on speaking tours, I started helping people write speeches, I actually wrote 40 TED Talks last year and booked 39 on stage. So it's been really interesting because I'm coming back to words,

which brings me to my next piece is like, let's say you have a words person who's an extrovert, because that's another thing, is are you introverted or extroverted? That goes back to my third piece around energy levels. So I'm an introverted words person. That means that you're probably not going to see me as energized by being on stage as I am being behind my laptop and typing. Like truly, I loved writing my book. I love podcasting. It's like so much more like one-on-one more of my terms versus like being at a Conference which kind of kills me a little bit

Mm-hmm. So you know now instead of being the person on on stage like I used to be I'm behind all the people on stage and it's so much more fun for me But let's say you're an extrovert and you're a words person and you're doing a sales job and you're totally into cars And it's like in the automotive space But let's say that you feel like your company has no integrity and integrity is a core value for you. And you feel like you're selling your soul a little bit to go with, so your skills are right, the job is right, they're using you right, but your values are being violated. So I think that's something for people to really take a look at.

And then when it comes to energy levels, there's a couple things. A, what I said, introvert orrovert, because that shares with you how your core skill set is going to be harnessed in the world. And a lot of people, whether they're business owners or corporates, they'll be like, what title do I want to be here? What service do I want to offer? And I'm like, your core skill set is your umbrella that you're going to operate under in your whole career. So you don't need to know what the title is of what you're doing as much as how you're using your skills. So energy levels, introvert, extrovert, also just your physicality.

Like, I got bit by two line ticks, like not one but two in my life. And I don't have that many symptoms from the, I know. It's like, was I meant to have a line disease? I don't have a line disease. Yeah, I mean, once you get bit, you have it for life. It's just a matter I meant to have Lyme disease? I don't have Lyme disease. Yeah, I mean, once you get bit, you have it for life. It's just a matter of if it's awake or asleep. It's like, that's why people who have car accidents, it shakes things up in their body and the dormant Lyme cells come out to play.

So I just have to be taking care of myself, eating an anti-inflammatory diet. All of this plays into my energy. And I remember in middle school after my first tick bite, I got sick easily because I didn't realize that the time I was immunocompromised. So I remember in my head thinking like, how am I ever going to be in the workforce? Because sometimes I would get a cold that would last for like six or seven weeks, I'd lose my voice entirely. And that really fueled me into entrepreneurship. So I think for anyone listening, it's like these three spokes are like, I feel like 85% of the game.

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Well, how about this though? Because you said core values, you talked about core skill set, you talked about energy levels, what about core nature? I know you talk about core nature in your book too. What is that? Yeah, I believe that your core nature, it's kind of like a layer cake and this is almost like the base layer. It's the energy you bring to the room when you walk in.

So, you know, if you ask people who get a good sense of you, whether it's friends, family, your parents, people that you feel like really have a good pulse on your vibe, hey, how would you describe how the room changes when I walked in? What is the energy I'm bringing? I remember when I was at the pack-on, this woman, she was such a gem, Jeanette, I talk about her in my book, and along my book is Stories, but with the goal of making these points, core values, core skills.

It's really demonstrating them for people to self-apply. But I remember Jeanette, she said to me, actually, when you walk into the room, like, you're so bold, you're so communicative, you're so wise, like, people light up when you come in here. And, you know, there's not a lot of windows in the Pentagon, unless you're like really important military person. And so, you know, it really meant a lot to hear that. Like, you bring sunshine,

she was saying, and it hit different because there is no sunshine. Like, there's no windows. So I just remember feeling like, ah, thanks for saying that about me. And when I started asking other people, like, how is the room different when I come in? They're like, you're really warm. You're pretty bold. Like, you're, you're fiery. You're very wise. You're very deep and I feel like people can feel that pretty quick And I think that that core nature lends itself to different paths so my wisdom My communication skills like I have you turn podcast. I have the you turn book like there's so many thing now I'm writing people's TED Talks how many you know taking somebody's entire life's work and distilling it into 12 minutes and then booking them on stage or 19 minutes.

It's like, I'm using my core nature and my work and my core skill set, and I think that's the key to so much fulfillment. Well, yes, I get that. So basically, the core nature piece of it is really about how other people perceive your energy. And so you utilize that in what you choose to do. Right? So if you're like, if you're calling yourself someone who's warm and happy and sunny, it's going to be a different career path than someone who's more morbid or more serious, more conservative, more, okay, I get that. So, could you talk, okay, your book, of course,

the U-turn is 12 steps, but when you did your talk, your Ted talk, it was three key steps to doing a U-turn on our lives. Where are the three key steps to doing a U-turn for someone who wants to pivot, who doesn't know how, who has mis-stepped, and they wanna try again. Yeah, I love this question because I feel like

there's so many ways to make a U-turn. And I absolutely love Ted because it's just bringing me so many magical people to see this work every single day. And I feel like I finally got into a point where I care more about impact than anything else. So one of the first things is really doing a self audit, asking yourself, and I love this question and it wasn't, it's funny because I thought of this question and then I read women who run with wolves and Clarissa Estet, she mentioned something along these lines as well, is what do

you know that you wish you didn't know? And I think if all of us sit with that for a moment, we're all holding something inside of us that we know, that maybe we spend a lot of the day trying not to know, because it's really inconvenient. Being happy is such a commitment. Like it's not for the faint of heart, being fulfilled. Like you know, you asked me right when we got on the show, you were like, hey, how did you

go from counterterrorism to career coach well? I was sitting in the Pentagon and offering all my friends career help on the weekends because they were in the recession, better students in grad school than I was, and I just knew how to do a resume and have a networking call. So that was what I taught, and eventually that lent itself to online courses, my book deal and my podcast and you know my platforms. And even now it's so interesting my I went on a hundred podcasts to launch my book a few years ago and I worked hard to like share the wet message about it and then it just dropped in Taiwan and became like an international icon in Taiwan. And so random that.

So random. Well, I think that's a thing is like we can work really hard in our career and we should, but sometimes we just have karma somewhere else, right? Like we're being pulled places and I feel like for me, I was being pulled towards career coaching. Like people, and people would say you should be a career coach and I remember being like what does that even mean? Like you know a coach on the side like do they stay outside of your office and like cheer like you're talking about. And eventually I got the courage to start my private practice and you know

I've coached hundreds of people one-on-one and thousands in my programs but I feel like now at this stage of my life, there's so much fulfillment in who I am, what I do. And I think a lot of it comes down to knowing like your purpose moves, and are you willing to give yourself permission to be experimental in your career? Do you have a take on this?

Like how do you deal with all of your multifaceted ways of being Jen? Well, first of all, it's different. It's different and similar. I like what you call a self audit. I call itself, I think it's one thing, I kind of call itself awareness. You're going to have like a come to Jesus moment

with yourself, it's what I talk about, and really have the ability to be self aware and like, no, you know, what, hey, what you're good at, what you're not good at, what you like, what you don't like, and like, be realistic and honest with yourself. I think that's the first step for me anyway, on making any pivot or any change in your life. But what you're talking about is different, in the sense that you're saying there's three steps just in order to even make a U-turn. Yeah.

And you're basically calling it a self-audit with the two other steps that you would say. We would be the two other key components if someone wants to make a U-turn. And I would say, I had no idea your book was out for many years already. How many years has it been? It came out in early 2021, like January 2021.

So it's been just like a couple of years. Yeah. Oh, and that's when it became, so when did it become a huge sensation in Taiwan? Actually, just like maybe six months ago, I got an international deal there. And now all my courses are being licensed in Mandarin to get the platforms out there.

Like, it's just been such a, it's also been really refreshing as a business woman. Not that I'm really a business woman. I feel like I'm more of a show Silver stain than like a Cheryl Sandberg, you know? But it's been interesting because I'm realizing like when we work as entrepreneurs in the US, we're really thinking a lot about the US market, like who's our ideal people? Where are they hanging out here? But it's been so fun for me to realize, like there are other markets that are so wanting your message, your work, and

it's going to take off like wildfire in those markets when you hit it right. And it's been so inspiring for me to want to help people, and not to be as identified with where I'm from, but more identified with what I have to say and who I want to help. And so we're working now on deals in Korea and different other markets, which is a whole thing to tap into that. But the second step you'd asked about is to follow what feels good. And this sounds pretty counterintuitive because I say, don't follow your passion. Don't do what you love.

And some people are going to say, well, what feels good is being an artist. Or I like to keep you. Hold on, just one second. Because I want to make sure people are getting the whole thing. So I asked you the three key steps to making a U-turn in your life You said the first one is take a self audit of your life, right? The second one you says follow what feels good Mm-hmm, okay, and yeah, yeah, that does sound counterintuitive to the whole idea of

Follow your passion. It sounds like that's exactly what it is. It's not. Right. And I think that's where people misunderstand. So what I mean by that is we have 200 million neurons or so in our gut, right? Like that's why people are calling it our second brain. It's a size of a catardogs brain. So what we can imagine with that being the case is that when our stomach sinks, when we get butterflies, like when we feel pulled towards something there's wisdom to it and

so when I say follow what feels good I'm talking about intuition and for me the definition of intuition is knowing what you know without knowing why you know it so many of us have intuitive polls from the universe towards different things like real real talk I'm actually flying to Colorado this weekend to get my Degree or my certificate in clinical herbalism because I just feel a breadcrumb about it I'm like I just want to know how to make teas that help me when I have a cough or I want to make herbs for my friends like I'm just curious. That's it. And there's some part of me that is pulled towards it.

And that's enough for me to live my life intuitively. And to choose to live intuitively, it's kind of like choosing to live vulnerably. It's a daily choice. It's not like, you know, I'm going to prioritize my intuition. It's like, well, that's a whole way of life. Right. Choosing what your body is that's a whole way of life. Right. Right. Choosing what your body is telling you versus what your head is.

And obviously, there's a middle ground. So, I think when people are feeling cut off in what they do, or they're feeling stuck, I think the first order of business is, how do you get back in your body? How do you get back to you? And I think that comes down to following what feels good. And that doesn't just mean your passion. To me, that means just getting back to you. So when I'm off in my career, I'm not grabbing like an octopus tentacles,

like onto something new. That's not effective. That's like a snow globe with flurries everywhere. It's like wait for the snow to settle. And go do things that make you feel like you. Who are the people, the places, the things that make you feel like you. Who are the people, the places, the things that make you feel like you, go do those? What are the nudges that you're getting?

Follow the breadcrumbs. Do you have a conversation with people? Conversations are one of the most powerful things you can do when you hit a plateau. Like, you don't need to have it with experts either. Like, I always tell myself when I feel stuck in my life, I need to have more conversations. Because conversations give you new thoughts

and new thoughts give you clarity. And so for me, it's not like I'm on all the time when I'm in this mode, I'm just available. Like I don't have my phone in my hand when I'm in line at the grocery store. I'm just available to connect. And when I turn on that mode, it's like so many little breadcrumbs come my way

and it's not about being scattered, but it's about really tuning into like, how do I start to feel good again? How do I start to feel like me again? So that's what I mean by this. I've been stuck. And what's the third step? The third and final step, which I mean, I could talk about U-turns forever, but is engagement like, you know, I feel like there's something really toxic

in the self-development world about, we have so much awareness, right? Like, I was just interviewing Catherine Woodward-Thomas from the conscious uncoopling book yesterday for my podcast, she was saying, she's like, so many people are like, well, I'm this way because my dad did this when I was a kid and did that.

She's like, that's all very valid, but what I'm looking at is 30 minutes ago. Why did you do that? And yes, all that stuff has something to do with it, but you're still doing it 30 minutes ago and it cures now. So it's like really taking a look at these present things and not having this toxic level of awareness where it's like, well, this is why all this is happening. Well, cute, but like the growth is where the rubber hits the road where you actually

just choose differently. Even when your body feels really bad and you're doing it, that's the growth. So, you know, doubt doesn't mean don't. And stepping back does not mean stepping down. You know, sometimes we need to back up. And people sometimes feel like, oh, I'm backing down on my curtain.

No, you're not, you're of course, correct it. And, you know, there's this whole thing around nonlinear careers. And I think there's this whole thing around non-linear careers, and I think there's so much wisdom to that. Like, we are not linear beings. Our interests move over time, and even when we look at the college system, kids are coming in at 18s, you're as old.

It's like, how are they supposed to know what they're interested in or what their skills are? Like, they've never done anything in the workforce. And they feel all this pressure to somehow know. It's like telling your kid to marry their first crush in preschool. It just doesn't make sense. Yeah, I agree with you.

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I think there's a lot of pressure. I mean, I agree with lots of different things that you're talking about. And I talk about it a lot in my podcast or in my conversations with friends or whoever is. I also think there's a lot of noise. And what's happening a lot with social media is I think there is a lot of this personal development is finding the reasons why you're doing what you're doing and like staying there. Like it's stuck. You're getting stuck in that moment.

You know, versus, you know, not using that as a crutch to why you behave a certain way now today in this moment. I talk about this a lot, so I agree. So let me ask you something else. Okay, so in your book, we're going back to your book again. I want to talk about charisma and influence, because you talk about that and how do you talk about how we make it a lasting impression? How do you own the room? Can you give my audience simple actionable ways that they can own a room, how they can make a lasting impression, especially as a career

coach. Like, what would you tell somebody in a very simplified way, you know, how to do this, if you can? Yeah. Okay. So one of the most simple, minimal things you could do if you just forget everything we talked about. And you remember this is I look at everyone in the world like they're my uncle's friend. It's like we somehow are connected through some important people and I owe you basic courtesy, but I don't know you well enough to like be weird. You know. So and with that mindset comes this warmth of like, oh, you're my uncle's friend And that's how I look at everyone in the world am I your uncle's friend? I mean you're a little more because we have the same network and we both know Hala

We have all these mutual friends. So like you're like a mutual friend. Okay. A bunch of friends So like that feels even more easy for me. I'm like your mom's friend or like your sister's friend or like your sister's friend like as a closer person than an uncle. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, okay, I got it. I got it. From a tactical perspective, I would say care about your elevator pitch. Like people feel like sometimes being premeditated about what you're going to say would be in

authentic, but the root off, you know, of authentic off author, the Latin root goes back to the idea of to create. And I think being intentional about what you create is one of the most authentic things you can do. So, you know, one of the most botched networking opportunities, interview opportunities, whether you're an entrepreneur, whatever have you, is your elevator pitch, because everybody's going to ask you to tell them about yourself. And it might not sound as cut and dry, right? Like, not everybody's going to say, tell me about you, but sometimes they will. You need to train your ear to hear the invitation for it.

The invitation could sound like, what are you here? Why are you interested in this conference? Like, whatever. It's all an invite into an elevator pitch. So number one, after you realize everybody's your uncle's friend, start to think about your elevator pitch and write it down before you go places and really sit with it. And short and sweet, you know, you don't need to be lengthy,

kind of like lean in like my grandpa when he's about to tell way too long of a story. But I would say the first piece is your story. And there's four parts to an elevator pitch. And I really flush these out in the book, but I feel like just giving everybody a little takeaway here. Your story is what lines you up to your career. And it could be from one of two things. It can be from your upbringing, like, who have you been your whole life that ties to your career? Or it could be a defining moment. So what is the

three line of your career? Like let's say you're working in PR, but you want to do business development at a tech company. It's a little bit different. What's the through line? It's people. It's like PR is all about relationships.

Business development is all about relationships. So how can you talk about how you've been all about people since you were a little kid? Or how can you talk about a defining moment where you realize people are all that matter? And that's who you want to be navigating all day long. So, for me at the Pentagon, people were like, tell me about you. It was like pretty cut and dry.

And I was like, well, I grew up in a house where the news was always on. And from a really young age, I knew what was going on in the world. Like, it just felt like my whole life brought me to be sitting in that interview chair. If I'm in media interviews, I'm spokesperson for SOFI for the past four years. They send me on a lot of TV interviews. You would, I'm surprised by how many journalists will say, like, just tell me about you and I'm like sitting on a four minute TV segment, like, well, I better be succinct and like get something out of this and add value out of this. So first your story, maybe one line, not long, maybe

about how you grew up, your defining moment, and then I would say your cuff. Your cuff is the thing. This is more for job interviews, the cuff. So those of you who are entrepreneurs, you can think about this one. It bolsters you as a candidate or it explains a weakness. So you can say like, I grew up in a house with a newsroom, it was always on from a young age. I've been so captivated by what's going on in the world. Then your cuff. My cuff was, you want to look at one of two things. Number one, is there a shortcoming in who you are for the person? So let's say you want a business opportunity and you're an entrepreneur and you know that there's a ton of other

More qualified people for that company to do business with but you want your company be the one they pick You need to have a cuff that either strengthens you so like for me at the Pentagon my cuff was like You know, I've spent the past three years learning Darry, Arabic, and French. Like they want to know that I'm fluent in all languages. Like what's my strength in our? If I didn't speak any languages, I would need to think, well, what can I say to address this weakness? Something like, you know, I've always been really quick

to learn languages and I've been doing something for that right now. Like how can I address this concern? So you have to decide, are you bolstering or are you dressing your concern? And then I think the third thing is the skill. So like if everything you knew was a bullet cherries, what's the one that the person talking to wants to eat? So like when I was interviewing for my spokesperson role with SoFi, like what's the thing they want to hear? Well they probably want to hear that I could talk in sound bites and I can think of my feet because they're

putting me on media tours, right? So it's like, I looked at my bowl of cherries like, okay, I'm really going to write in blog posts, I'm really going to write in TED talks, I'm really going to give them TED, okay, what do they need from me? Okay, they need sound bites. Like, they're putting me on three minute TV things. So that was the cherry I handed over, you know, after my cough. So, you know, one thing I'm really excited about is like speaking in sound bites, like really

getting your message out quickly to the masses. That's what they want to hear. Right. But why so-fi? I'm confused by that one, to be honest. If you're a career person, a career expert, why would so-fi hire you as a spokesperson? Not to be, I'm just curious. I don't get to the connection.

No, no, I love the question. Yeah, for sure. Cause so-fies for those of you who don't know sof either a financial lending platform, the reason that they hired me as their spokesperson was because. Okay, tell me. Okay, sorry, sorry. Yeah. They have like so many money experts in house. So it's really easy for them to pitch to the media like come talk to our chief financial officer and like that person's gonna have financial advice. But they needed someone who could give fulfillment and career advice so that they could get more members.

And so they would put me on the news as suffice resident career expert and spokesperson as a way to have new content getting out there that attracts new members for their service. Selling a little or a lot. Shoppify helps you do your thing however you touching. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. From the Launcher Own Online Shop Stage to the first

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That's all lowercase. So go to shopify.com slash hustle. Now, to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in, that shopify.com slash hustle. So what is the money blueprint? Because you do talk about, it's a great segue into the money blueprint that you talk about in your book. Right? So I get the connection. So what is it? What is the money blueprint? Cause you do talk, it's a great segue into the money blueprint that you talk about in your book. Right? So I get the connection.

So what is it? What is the money blueprint? Yeah, I feel like we all grew up with a thermostat that's set by our parents. Like our parents are out with money. There yeah, like, you know, it's interesting. I have this moment the other day. I drove past this house in Malibu and I remember my dad, he lost all of his money when I was a kid

Like he had a huge financial firm Smith Barney tried to buy him out. He said no and then they just slowly bought his talent to cross the street And he just like slowly died as a business owner so he lost almost everything and In that time I remember financial things felt bigger to him than they even were. So he would go buy houses and be like, Oh, that house is like $10 million. Like, that's just like, but then I had this moment recently as an adult where I drove past one of those houses and there was a sales sign. And I saw that it was 2.7. And I was like, Okay, it's not to say 2.7 million dollars is nothing, but that's a pretty big price

difference. And so I think that came down to his thermostat. It was like everything that was like a financial expense that he wanted felt so big to him when he lost all of his money, that he made the things he couldn't have seem even more far away. And that influenced my thermostat, right? As a kid, I would just automatically look at things and be like, whoa, that's like really hard to get. And so as an adult, it's been such a rewiring for me.

So when it comes to your money blueprint, I think everyone has one. A lot of publishers wanted me to write about this originally, but I just was so much more called to fulfillment and career clarity. But, you know, I think the first question, and I think a lot of professionals might come on here and say like, what was the conversation like in your life,

in your house, about success, about money. I have this business coach once, and her little kid interrupted our session, and he was so cute, and she was like, hey, honey, we're working. We're not gonna be done for two more hours. Go see your dad. And he was like, one day, I'm gonna have so many clients.

And I just remember being like, what a great thermostat, you know, and it makes sense that he thought that he's watching his mom make money all day long. She was a really competent woman. So I think that these and she's very confident with money. And so, you know, I'm 36 years old. I was living in my parents domain until I was like totally down with college at like 21-22, right? domain until I was like totally done with college at like 21-22, right? So, I've still spent more years in my parents thinking than my own. That's a great point. Yeah. Yeah. I and I agree.

That's a great point. So true. And we get that, that rubs off on us in a very true way as we, like, as adults, right? So. Yeah. And the other thing I wanted to ask you is, because I like this part, is let's talk in a very true way as we, like, as adults, right? So, yeah. And the other thing I wanted to ask you is, because I like this part, is let's talk about, I want to talk about the word realist.

You know, people who are practical, what's your take on that? I love this part. I love this. Yeah, I feel like, I said in my TED Talk, people who call themselves realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken somewhere along the way.

And I truly feel that. I feel like we use this idea of being realistic as a mask to manage our expectations, to keep us from being vulnerable and put ourselves out there. Am I able to be a lawyer next week? No, like that is not realistic. I need to get a degree. There's legitimate things that society will not let me do it. It's illegal, right?

So there are things that are not realistic, but I think we are way to loose with ourselves and what we tell ourselves is not realistic. So I've been on a mission with myself to really question my thoughts. And even some of that comes with the money mindset stuff, like launching new offers, one of the things I've learned as a business owner is it's realistic for us to create A-plus things, but we operate in seasons as humans.

So I've probably created a few things and I grew up in this frickin A plus. I can create a 93% and 94% a lot of my stuff, which for someone who's not an expert in my stuff, it's like 120%, right? But to hold myself accountable to an A plus plus, like to really bleed for something. Like I blood for my book, right? It's like we only can create so much art. And so I do believe that we are only so capable all the time. Like we do operate in seasons, but I think we really sell ourselves short by being like, that's not realistic. I'm not going to go do that. And it's like, well, ask the 10 other people with the same qualifications as you that went and did it anyway. Right. So you think of it as like a defense mechanism that we use because, yeah, I like the, I just like the way you worded it.

So I wanted you to talk about that and say that on this podcast, no, you're welcome. Where is the book? I had it here. And now it's not, but the book, do you have it there? Can you show people that you turn, my little, I don't, I don't, I don't miss wonder if I don't even have it. It's a bright, it's a bright yellow look. It's a bright yellow look.

Sunbeam, you cannot miss it. Why are you turned? Yes, and it's caught well, exactly. It's a great book. You also have a podcast called The You Turn Podcast. Correct. And again, we have very similar outlooks, and it's about the reframe in how you package it and the way you word it

And I think you have some really great Nuggets in that book. I really enjoyed reading it and I really appreciate you coming on this podcast and sharing some of your ideas and thoughts with us That means so much. Thank you for having me I feel like you're doing such cool work I'm really excited to have you on my show and just just to like, I don't know, hear your perspective on these things. Because even though we're similar, these nuances, I think, are so important for people listening. And yeah, thank you again. Absolutely. I mean, you're right. All about the nuance, right? Like how, you know, you can be saying some, we can be saying the same thing, but how it lands on somebody the way I say it, you say it,

this person saying it, you know, just a little tweak and it makes a difference in a way. But we are so aligned in how we perceive the world. How do people find you your book, you everything? Yeah. Okay. So everything's at my website, Ashleystall.com. Take the quiz. Find. Yeah.

I've got my quiz there for your career path, everything about my one-on-one coaching, my courses, writing TED Talks and booking people. And there's just a lot of free resources on there, which is what it's all about. So I'm excited for everyone to head on over there and message me on Instagram. Let me know what you think. You know it's really funny, and we can talk with the gummys. My TED Talk did very well as well. Not one person never asked me to write a tattoo for them. I don't know where you're getting all

this business with people asking you to write. And we could do and I had a very similar thing. We both did Forbes and this. I haven't gotten one request. Interesting. Yeah, I it started with my business coaching clients. A lot of them were like, I really want to pursue this. Yeah, that makes sense. And so I help them brainstorm. And it's also good for your personal brand. What is your message? If you only have 12 minutes, what do you care to say?

16, 16 minutes. Well, you could do 12, 16, 19. My strategy as a TEDx speech writer is to write a shorter talk because who wants to have to memorize more than they have to memorize when they're a busy business person. God bless you. I know. I had notes all up and down my arms like a crazy person. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It was 51% best thing I've ever done, 49% most terrifying worst thing ever. God, go on. I totally agree. Thank you so much, Ashley. It was a pleasure meeting you.

Thank you again, you too, and I'm excited to have you on my show. Yes, right now. Yes. Bye. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Halataha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week, we dive into a new topic like the art of side hustles, how to level up your

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