Habits and Hustle - Episode 30: Emily Morse – Sex With Emily, Sexpert, Myths Around Sex, & “Cheeseburger, Fries, & a Side of Orgasm”

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

This episode features Emily Morse, more commonly known as Sex With Emily. Emily is a sexpert and hosts the popular podcast “Sex With Emily”, which has been around for over a decade. She debunks many of the myths around sex, talks about the correlation between boredom and libido, and shares with us the most-asked sex questions. Emily also chats foreplay, masturbation, and confidence, as well as the health benefits of healthy sex. Youtube Link to This Episode http://sexwithemily.com/ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail] 📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So we made it here, Emily. Yes, we're here. Okay, I'm really... This is going to be a very fun episode because we have sex with Emily. Yes. Who, of course, is the host of the very, very successful podcast, Sex with Emily, as well as the XM series show. It's also called Sector Themele. It's all called Sector Themele across the board. I'm so grateful.

It's like everything is set in my website, my social media, my show. Everything is a set with Emily. Everything is a set with Emily. Everything is a set with Emily. Yes, Sector Themele. It's even my name now. It is exactly.

Like I was saying earlier before we just started taping that I feel like you're kind of like Madonna. You know, people know you just as that. Yeah, they do. People are like, oh, I'm going out my friend Emily. They're like, sex with Emily. Everyone's like, I'm just started taping that I feel like you're kind of like Madonna. You know, people know you just that. Yeah, they do. People like, oh, I'm going out my friend Emily. They're like sex with Emily. Everyone's like, I'm just gonna call you that. I'm like, okay. I get to get rid of you. It is true. I am sex with Emily. I've been doing it long enough that I'm okay being sex with Emily. And it'd be weird for me to say your last name with it. It's feels like it would feel just strange, because that's not how I feel I know you either. But so I have to just ask, like, forget, before we dig into all the sex talk,

which of course we're gonna do, you're like a nice, cute Jewish girl. Like how did you become like a sex expert? I mean, you know, actually it was from, it was from desire to like learn more about sex. I felt like as a nice Jewish girl, I was raised that, you know, I was raised with no information about sex, but I also didn't have the guilt and shame

that comes with a lot of other religions, at least I didn't. But then I was like, How's it possible? Did your mother, like, what did your mother think of this job? Oh my God, my mother is chill. My mom just was waiting for me to make a living. It took me a long time to figure out the business aspect of it.

So my mom was just kind of like, as long as you make a living, but my mom wasn't freaked out about it. She's just more like, although she did save her a long time, she talks about dating, not sex. My family's not the traditional Jewish family in that way.

She was just more like, just make a living, and I don't want to take care. Because it was hard doing what I'm doing. Well, absolutely. It's not like the trajectory. I mean, were you like just a, how did you become this? OK, so I had a lot of few different careers.

So I, and I always kind of did my own things. I grew up in Michigan, went to University of Michigan, and after college, I decided I wanted to work in politics, and I wanted to work for women, because there was only two women in the Senate. And I got my car, drove to San Francisco, and I lived there for a long time, and I worked in politics. That was my first career.

And then after that, I just, I had an idea. I made a film. I made a documentary film up politics. And after that, I was like, well, what's going to be my next subject? I realized I really loved interviewing people. And I thought I've always been fascinated by sex and relationships. Now first, the sex part comes in because I was like in my 30s and I was like, okay, sex. I mean, I was okay for backup.

I was a late bloomer. I didn't know anything about sex. Like not because I feel like a lot of parents are like, oh, well, if you have any questions, ask me. But I wasn't like my mom sat me down and talked about sex. So then I was having sex. I was like, oh, it's okay. Like, what's the big hype about it?

I never thought sex was that amazing. I never thought to masturbate, never occurred to me until I was having sex for a while. I was like in my 20s, my friends were like, what's the big hype about? I never thought sex was that amazing. I never thought to masturbate, never occurred to me until I was having sex for a while. I was like, in my 20s, my friends were like, well, don't you masturbate, you have me in orgasm. I'm like, what, I didn't even know what those things were. You just like make that flow off your tongue. Like you're talking about like having like a cheeseburger

of fries. You know what I mean? Like cheeseburger fries, like, yeah, right, side of orgasm. Yeah, exactly. Like I think, were you, but were you always just comfortable to talk like a cheeseburger? I was not. No, so this came later. So I just realized were you always just comfortable to talk? I wasn't. I was not. No, so this came later.

So I just realized I'm going to go on a mission to figure out what makes great sex. Because every time my friend's be like, oh, I had the most amazing sex last night. I always say to them, what do you mean? Back up, like, did you have 16 orgasms? Was penis double jointed? What does great sex mean?

Because I was certain I had never had it right so then it really I just had a podcast in my living room in 2005 not the expert just interviewing people friends Other experts who were written books are worked in the sex industry or therapists or anything I just said and I'm curious curiosity it was not the expert it was like oh my god My and I realized it right away first of all people were very open to talk about it because no one ever asked them that much about their careers or who they were, even friends who were like dating on mine or married, I'm like, what's the secret or what is great sex?

And that podcast became successful. I mean, there was like probably five podcasts at the time, but also a sex entitled. And then from there, this trajectory, just I was like, I loved it. After I did that first podcast, I invited like a bunch of people over, I did eight hours of podcasting the first day.

I interviewed all these people and I was like, oh my God, I love this. Just about the curiosity of what the big podcast made good sex based. Yeah, what makes good sex? I had a friend over who was dating. And yeah, it was kind of sex and dating. It was like, just wherever they were at,

what their views were on dating and sex. And I just posted them and I was like, I love this. And then I kept doing the podcast. And then in 2009, I went back to grad school and got my doctorate because I thought, here's the thing, I had done hundreds of podcasts because I've done, been doing them like every week. So I'm now three a week for 14 years.

I've got a lot of podcasts. And I realized at the time I had read every book about sex, but I felt like it would be great to get a degree, go to school, be legit, because people started to ask me for advice. And I still felt, okay, I've had a lot of therapy. I know a lot, but I want to get the degree. So then I went back to school,

and I've, yeah, been doing it for 14 years. And so that's how it all evolved. And then I became the expert. But I felt like also in my own life, I was learning the tools about sex that still today, no, we don't, even mind these, who is 19 years old, came out to intern for me from Michigan in the summer and she was where I was at 19.

Like, there's still sex education is still abysmal. We still think it's taboo, we still don't talk to them. We think it's getting better. And in a way it is, like we're here talking about it, but still a lot. Still a lot. But it's still like, oh, we're here again. She just don't work to him. We think it's getting better. And in a way, it is like we're here talking about it. But still a lack. But it's still like, oh, I'm worried for you. She just told me that was a choice. And that work, or the other word,

I was going to go like, oh my god. I'm just laughed and wasn't watching. I know, thank god. I know my mom's visiting from Canada. And I'm like, did you? I literally the first thing that I thought was, oh my god, is she how loud is she to say that word of masturbation? Because it's still like, and I feel like I consider myself

like an open person and kind of very not that inhibited. But still. Saying it, and I'm like, come in, like I forget, I say it to restaurants, people turn around. But I think, well, it's masturbation month. What am I supposed to, you know, this is great. And when also you took me, you gave me, you know, like the notes, kind of like the pre-show notes for this, like what you would like to talk about. And like, I see that work over an old masturbation.

I'm like, oh my gosh, you kidding me. His masturbation, here's the thing. We don't give our kids any sex to Kate. We don't even talk about anatomy. We don't talk about pleasure, which is masturbation. We don't talk about getting to know yourself. The only education people get, at least in America, is fear-based.

It's, you're gonna get, don't get an STD and don't get pregnant. That's it. And to have sex, to have sex when you're in love and you want a baby. But there's nothing about, well, what happens if I start to feel these things in my body, you know, my teens and, and then if you're in certain places, it's like shame, like, don't ever touch yourself. But really, the secret to great sex, one of the keys is knowing your own body and what, especially for women, like, we just, I used to believe that it was a, I truly believe when I was, when I was like, start having sex since it didn't feel particularly great. And I didn't know what I wanted, that men were shipped off to some secret school where they learned all about my bodies and women

and what, because I was like, they know. I had this, because I knew I didn't know. And here we are having sex. You know, I had the, I don't know, does that, did you have that with men? Like, I just assumed they knew better than I did. Well, I just felt like, I think girls or women are just naturally in society just are supposed to feel less comfortable and less secure with it.

Right. It's just kind of like, that's kind of been like the pattern of this evolve. Right, that's the not, right? And like men have, all these like myths are like men have a higher libido, men should take control and know what they're doing. And I feel like because of that,

if you don't like take a stand as a woman, you kind of just like follow along with what the path should quote, speak. You know, that's why I find it interesting with you because like, Curie Warr, this like little cute girl, who's like the kind of become, like the new doctor Ruth, I mean, little cute girl who's like, the kind of become, like, the new doctor Ruth, I mean, maybe you're aging myself by saying no, but Dr. Ruth is like, you know, she's the only one people can really, right? She's just

pioneering. She's a pioneer. But okay, my, but let's go back a second. So, there's so much. Is that does that mean that? Okay, so you started this out of, you took something that you were curious with and kind of made it your business and made it a very successful business. However, like, what does that mean that you are always more less inhibited when you're having sex because you were curious where you always like open to everything? I wasn't as, oh, I thought I was open, but once I started studying like you could never go back. Yeah. Once I started learning like a Thai like nutrition, actually, like I can't, I can't not,

well, I did all the things, so we talked about myths. I did all the things and believed all the things that most people think, like I did it, what a guy would say to me, does this feel good? I'd be like, yeah, like whatever you're doing feels good, because I wouldn't have known how to correct him. I didn't know what I want. I faked orgasms, I would have sex just to get over with.

Not that I didn't enjoy it sometimes, but it seemed easier just to keep going, then to stop. So now it's like, I know what I want. I know it feels good. I know how to, that she comes first. Like my orgasm is important, but I'm also not sitting there with a bullhorn,

going like with a guy to the left. To the right right right. And I'm sure people will assume that because I'm not like either. I just know how to, yeah, I with a guy to the left. Right, right, right. And sure people will assume that, because I'm not like either. I just know how to, yeah, I just know how to move around. And also if someone's gonna get into my bedroom, like there's already been enough that I know that they could, I know what to look for.

I know. It's become because you have become an expert, just like with exercise, for example, you know, people would think that like I would know more about how to do a squat or a lunge or a push-up. Just have people be- I'm going to you for all my squats. Right, and for you, I would be like, if I was a guy, I'd be like, wow, that girl, that chick's gonna be great and bad because she must have all the tricks and tools and you must get out,

yes, out all the time. You sometimes go and phase this, I mean, I think you have to go out more to get asked out, but I, yeah, I got to, yeah, I get asked out. I think you don't want to fix me up, but yeah, because they're like sex with Emily. Exactly. Like it'd be kind of like a notch in their belt, kind of, you know? That's why also you got to be a little bit like, do they really want to be here? Is it a notch in their belt?

But I don't really, I feel like I have a pretty good touch of character. I'd be curious though myself, not, I mean, just today, like I make sure I'd like to be a fly in the of character. I'd be curious though myself, not I mean to say, I'd be curious, I'd like to be a fly in the wall. Who would I be having sex? Yeah, would you mind inviting me to sex? That would be a good reality show. Don't you think so? I think it'd be a great YouTube video, you know?

So can you tell me, and everybody I guess, what are the top five myths that people... Oh, that's such a good question. The first one is that men of Ayra Liberto is the women. It is not true. Like literally everything we've learned about sex is in true. Some women have higher libidos than women. It is not true. Like literally everything we've learned about sex is in true. Some women have higher libidos than men. And in fact, most of libido is in our mind.

So you don't have low libido, you have high boredom. And usually boredom is the antidote. We're so bored that we aren't mixing up our sex life. But that's the other part of that. Wait, that's interesting. Hold on a second. You're saying, so if someone has a higher libido, there's a correlation between that and them being bored.

Yeah. I think, well, that's interesting. I sort of tied together two things. And first, let me just say this, that this notion that women are frigid and don't want sex and men are always ready to go is not true. So that is the myth that is untrue. There are so many, and this is one of the first ones I was shocked when I started it that like I kept hearing from women.

They're like, I want more sex in my husband. I want more sex in my partner. I was like, but that's not true. So that one blew my, my blew the socket. I was like, oh, and then I came to see, we can like, circle back to the board of things because I think in life, typically where I hear from a lot of couples and long-term relationships, that sex isn't great anymore. I don't care if we have sex anymore, we've been together forever, sex is whatever, we're best friends. But typically, if you mix it up, you do one thing different. You start talking about it, or people have affairs, they're like, oh, look, there's my libido.

It's because it was something new and interesting, and novel and spontaneous, but sex with the same person as you got to make an effort. That makes sense to me. So you're saying, because after all, like anything in life, it becomes very routine, everything. And then you lose the interest. So when you're less bored, that's when I get the correlation. Yeah, it's kind of an exercise.

Absolutely when you become. Absolutely. Because you're just kind of doing the same thing over and over again. Yeah. It becomes mundane and boring. That will happen to sex like, and that is what happens to everyone's sex life.

Like just know it. That makes sense. So that's why the correlation between the men, the libido. Okay, what's another myth? Okay, another myth is that size matters. Right. For some people, it might matter, but truly, like most,

I feel like that matter more obsessed about their penises than women are. Right. If you know how to, you truly, like most, I feel like that manner more obsessed about their penises and women are. If you know how to, you know, and yes, there's size queens, just like there's men who only want to be with a woman who is large breasts, there's smaller breasts. Those people exist, but typically all the penis craziness is like, we're gonna be fine

when I had our sexual couples, like women are like, we don't even orgasm through penetration, only 20, that's going to the other myth, is that only women do not orgasm through penetrative sex. In fact, only some do, but 20% do. That's it. That's it. Wow.

So if you do, that's amazing. And it's typically because of your anatomy. If you're, if you're the closer that your clitoris is to your vaginal opening, opening, you'd be more likely to orgasm during intercourse. Other ways you will not. And so figure out other ways to stimulate yourself. It is all magic of the clitoris but you like foreplay and all these other things are super important for women to have pleasure. So what we see and why it's a myth is because all the movies and TV are like couple falls into bed and there's no foreplay. And oh my god, it's the most orgasm in the same time. It's so popper stuff like I'm going to rest this when you're

exactly. That doesn't happen. So give me a give me a three more that are that are not so obvious. Okay, some other obvious. Let's see. No, not obvious. Let's see. My stumping you. No, no, no, just give me a second, because there's so there's so many that Oh, this is why I just answer for cosmology, but like that you can't tell anything the size and the Hands or feet are not an indicator of penis size. Oh, okay. Yeah, that wasn't true Well, I think that was always like I like a joky thing. Okay, but I kind of figured that would that one just came in Let's see him that was a thing today. Oh my god. They're so I'm gonna give you one. Yeah, fair amounts

What is the is it is there something to be said for just like there are people's fair amounts that actually Just don't connect or match or and I think that sent plays a huge role in like this elusive chemistry thing Like why are we attracted to certain people and like completely not attracted to other people exactly And I do think that sent is a huge factor like there's all those those studies of like women sleeping with them with their partner's t-shirt. Like overnight that he's like slept in and sweating and then they sleep with it. And then they see like that there's who they would likely be more attracted to. So there is a certain. Well, I would think also more because sometimes like you have people have these like stupid checklists of like what they're looking for in a partner.

Right, right away. And you're exactly, because the reality is, many times, you have this, this, this, and then whatever reason. You're just, there's no chemistry. And that's because I would think, I mean, you're the expert about me, is at the end of the day, it all comes down to a nuanced and fair amount. Yeah, fair amount, I think a little bit of this fair amount, which is like scent.

So I feel like all of our senses is like have to be engaged. You're gonna wanna like where they look, they smell, like even like the way they taste. Like it is true that that can totally attract us or detract. That's why you wanna meet people in person. Like this whole like word is met online.

And then we meet up on like, I have at least about FaceTime call with someone before you go out on a date because then you at least can see them, you can't smile on me at, but yeah, I think that there's a lot that goes into chemistry that's sort of a little bit absolutely, like if you don't like the way someone's sent

that won't go any further. But that's not the only thing you could also be super-tracked if someone had the best extra life with someone who is terrible for you. But that's my point. I'm saying like what, that's my whole thing. It's like you could have every check in the on like all the boxes checked and yet like in person in real life, you know, there you

guys have no real chemistry or there's zero there, but you can have it with someone who's completely the worst person for you in a relationship. You have nothing in common, but there's like a fair monoracumstry that's kind of can actually do that's of connects you to. That's my point. That's true, yeah. I think that happens probably a lot. Yeah, that does happen a lot.

And that's when you have to let your mind pull back from, especially if you find patterns, because sometimes people are also really familiar to us because there's a pattern that has been set in our childhood. A lot of times we mimic when they say, oh, is she married her father? Is she married her mother? That typically means that there's a pattern. Like the neuroplasticity of our brain is so strong, but we can actually rewire it. But typically what we

are attracted to can sometimes not be that healthy. When am I dating abusive men? Why am I dating men who won't commit? Why am I dating women who aren't available or, you know, and it's because it's familiar, but it can be familiar to like a toxic pattern that no longer serves us. So there's something to that, there's all these factors, it could be fair amounts, but it'd be like, oh, this person didn't treat me well, but that's really familiar because my father didn't treat me well either.

Can you break him? So are there... Your pickers broken, right? Yeah, exactly. I've heard that a lot. Like Dirk has talked about that a lot. So are there strategies or tips to kind of get away from that pattern?

Yeah, I mean, I think first is to stop dating. Like if you are going through a break up or you're going through a period, I think it's so important to take time in between partners. Will you really truly do the work on yourself and you look at your past relationships, like what worked for you, what didn't,

what, and take your part in it. I think oftentimes when relationships end, we're like so angry, like we can blame our partner or we don't think that we had any partner. Like I don't know why I keep finding all these people, but it's like there's two of you in, and there's 50, 50. So once you can kind of look at it,

know your role, know your part of it, and then really do that deep work of like, what do I want? And not just that 60 point list, but like, what are the values? What are my non-negotiables? And what worked and what didn't? And who am I now at this point in my life? And I think that can only be done by not dating, taking it off the table, and taking time to like build a really full life. Because when we're not in a good place, people often say like, I want to find my better half and I don't believe that. Like I believe that when you are more whole,

you're going to track someone who's whole. Like you don't want to be half the person looking for someone to fill you. Because I don't believe in that. Complete me. It's like be complete, human when you're out there. And I think that's a journey, you know, that is a life journey getting there. So I think that's some of the things and look at your patterns.

I have therapy, I believe, everybody needs therapy. I go in and out of it in my lifetime, but I've done so many different kinds of it. And I just, I don't know, I think you're never done on this. Or whatever therapy means to you, it could be your yoga for a while. It could be meditation, but I actually do believe deep therapy work is good.

Also, is there, like, just because, I mean, because you're a single girl, you're a sex expert. You're not, it's not, do people say, well, why are you single? All the time, right? But is there a correlation? I mean, you're talking more,

you're your strike zone, so to speak, is talking about sex and the, the communication and communication of that. Oh yeah, but why then do you think you're single? I would say that I'm single by choice right now. I think that I was honestly I was never married. Yeah, and I've been in so many relationships. I was never it was never on my bucket list to get married or of children.

Now that goes back to a million things, which childhood, I've always been very driven, I've always wanted to support myself, I've always had plenty of partners and opportunities and I really like being on my own. I do, I like being in relationships, but I've also in this path I've been on building a company and building a business that was like,

I, being in a relationship, I've had a lot of a few year relationships here and there, but it was never about that for me. But now I'm at a different point in my life where I'm like things are more subtle. I know myself better. I would be open to you know more of a long-term relationship. But I really wasn't. And I just think honestly like I don't think I could be where I'm at if I was married and had kids. At least who I am, it would not have, it wouldn't have worked. And I know knew that about myself. I just knew that.

So why am I so... Why am I so... Why am I so... Why am I so... Why am I so... Why am I so... I'm in the best place ever to date me. Even five, six years ago, I was still like,

I was all about my bit. I don't know how you're like being a mom and having a career. Like my hat goes off to every woman that's trying to, like my plants are dying. Like you know? Absolutely. I'm glad that you said that. And I say it all the time.

I mean, we say this off of this mic stuff, that it's very, very hard. If you're building a business and you're trying to be very entrepreneurial and you are entrepreneurial and then you have a kid and get married, there is, it does take you off path. And I'm the first to say it, like, you know, your microirc was on a very different trajectory for a while and then it plateaus and you have to kind of like take it up again. I mean, that's just what it is. People don't want to be honest and they're like leaning to this and leaning into that. Like, it's like such a, like, it's just like a platter

to the way. It really is. And for me, I knew myself. So yeah, but why am I saying, I mean, I'm always dating and saying, so it's a fun question. It's interesting, people often think God aren't like,

people call up every day on the show, they're taking advice me, I've answered, you know, I've helped a little bit in millions of listeners and people. Oh, millions, I mean, that's what's a thing. So it's like, but funny, but oftentimes, people aren't like, well, what would you know?

You've never been married. Like luckily, it doesn't come up that much. You don't. You don't. I definitely had sex, but I have great communication skills. I was just saying, you probably have more experience because you've had so many more partners and more experienced, not to like say that. Right. It's OK. I've had so many more partners and more experience. Yeah. Not to like say that.

Right. It's okay. I have a lot of partners. They're kind of slut, but I mean, I've had tons of partners. But I'm saying you may have more experience, gave you, but a more array of relationships that kind of pull information from. Yeah. That's how I would spend in the world. Yeah, exactly. So we're the top, we're the, we're the most asked questions, especially now with your serious show. Okay. And I want to know the top questions from men and the top questions from women.

All right. The top questions from men are, it depends the age groups. I would say for many men, it's why can't my partner have an orgasm with my penis? Okay. What's wrong with my penis? Either it comes too quickly or it doesn't, or delayed a calculation. It won't come, like there's like men go through different stages with their penis. What's delayed?

So delayed ejaculation is a very common thing for men, but it's not as a diagnosis premature when it's typically you come in a minute or less and you can't control it. Delayed ejaculation is when a guy, it takes them three minutes or longer to orgasm during intercourse. And, and, and even then like, and so their female partners like what's wrong with me? Am I not turning them on? And a lot of times, most of the things I'm talking about are psychological. Like, it's patterns that happen, like maybe someone walked in and you masturbating and you thought

you'd get over with quickly. So when it was about penis, different penis functioning, like, and then when you get older, why is my penis not getting as hard? Because men's testosterone drop after the age of 40. So I always say there's a penis umbrella questions. And then for men too, it's, how do I get my part or two blank? Have a threesome. For Phil, this fantasy have more sex with me. Those are the questions, I guess.

And also, how do I get more confidence in dating? Because it's not just sex. My show is a lot of like dating and apps and all that stuff. How do I have confidence to go out there and date again or to date for the first time? Because my listeners are like 18 to 83. No, that's why you have a huge demo. Yeah, because it's little,

and it's 50% men and 50% women. Which, it's funny because when I, I know when I first started my show, people were like, well, what's your audience? Marketing, branding. I'm like, it's everybody. They're like, it can't be everybody. I'm like, it literally is because everybody has sex

and nobody knows this. And it turns out it's everybody. They're like, it can't be everybody. I'm like, it literally is because everybody has sex and nobody knows this. And it turns out it truly is. It's like 50, 50, because there's not a lot of places where we will go for this kind of information, which is why I love what I do. So, so let's see for men. I think those are, what else do I got? How do I get a part and do something?

Like, what's the biggest one to do the three sums? And the how do, yeah, that's like a big fantasy. How do I get my partner to do blank? I always fill in like, have a three sum, watch porn, or get me to allow me to watch porn. I think those are the top men questions. Why won't my partner blank, or how do I get him to do this,

and something's wrong with my penis? And then for women, it's like, why can't I orgasm? I have a low libido, I'm not turned on, or mismatched libido is a very common thing for men and for women. Like you're in a long-term relationship and I want sex more than a partner.

And I hear this again, 54% for men and for women. Like we never have sex anymore. How do we, my partner wants it and I don't. So that's like a kind of umbrella for men and for women. We do have to respond with. Oh, that's a whole like, typically it's mostly what I respond with, with no matter what the question is, if it has to do with a partner,

I say, have you talked to them about it? Oh, yeah, let them know that I want more sex, and I say, we never have sex, but nothing happened. This is how the conversation goes. I'm like, okay, well, and then I really teach people a lot of what I do is hit you a lot of communicate with themselves and with others. So it's like, okay, well, the best place to have this conversation about sex is outside the bedroom.

And it's not when you just got rejected it again from your partner who didn't want to sex. It's outside the bedroom and it's like a very like, hey, so it's in a, when you're not, I would say it's not when you're like, uh, halt, hungry, angry, little, tired. You want to do it when you're like chilling. Maybe you're on a Sunday drive or you're hiking or you're breakfast and you're like, you know, I really, let's talk about our sex life.

I really, we've been together. We never really talk about it, except for when, why do you call that halt? Halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Like if you're hungry, angry, lonely, tired, don't make rash decisions, don't send that email, don't get in a fight, don't, that's a great one.

I'm going to write that down. That's a great one. Because that's often times when we react in ways that we regret. Right. And that we aren't really in a centered place. We want to make sure that we are just in a good place. And then, and typically conversation is I like to talk about the compliment sandwich. So if you have enough feedback to your partner, you're like, wow, I keep thinking about

the sex we have last night. Like let's say I want my a part of the Kiss More. I loved how we were like making out. It felt so good. And then, you know, I realized that when we make out more, it makes me get more in the mood and want to have more sex. And then like the comp, that's like when you say something you like and then you give feedback and then you close it with like some,

I really think that if we start to have more of these times, we're going to have explosive sacks off the charts. That's great. The compliments sound like I'm a big fan of that compliment. With anything in life by the way. Anything. No one wants to hear you. If you were your partner, because we usually

people say we've never have sacks. It's like, it's typically it's been said, you never initiate. We never have sacks. How come you're this? How come you're that blaming? That's a blaming and shaming. And no one's going to make any change when you blame or shame. How come you're this? How come you're that? Blaming, right? Yeah, blaming and shaming. And no one's going to make any change when you blame or shame.

Absolutely. That's a great point. I like that. That's a good one. More from our guest, but first a quick word from our sponsor. There's a lot of confusion around CBD nowadays, but not all CBD is created equally. Adding hemp fusion CBD to your daily routine adds up to a lot of benefits.

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promo code habits. Get hemp fusion and they ship anywhere in the US for free when you use that 20% code habits and then okay so we did you okay so now we did the men and we did we did we touched on the women women its orgasms is body image how do i get comfortable during sex what about my how do i please them how How do I get bloated? I mean, there's so many women who are so oriented towards pleasing their partners. And if I can change anything, it's getting women to understand.

And that's why I tell you what masturbation is. It's so important to like part of self-love is loving yourself, loving your body and realizing that you have all the secrets. You can figure out what makes it yourself feel good. And once you do and you become fully like, and this is a lifetime journey, but empowered and know that what your body can do, it'll be a lot easier to be with a partner and ask what you want and show them what feels good on you. Because otherwise women, because of our upbringing and what

we see in movies and TV and family is that it's we are pleasers inherently. And so we're like, well, how do I give a be a better partner? How do I make him like me more? How do I, and it's like, well, it's about you. I'm always like, go back to you, go back to what you want. And there was one of the best textbooks that I think has been written in. It's required reading for every man

is called She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner. I think it just had like 20-year anniversary because it really explains this whole notion of like, pretty much men are going to orgasm. Like, it's going to but it's women there's an orgasm gap it takes women between 24 40 minutes to have an orgasm and men it's like eight and so for women we're just like get it everywhere is it whatever like we do we skip right through four play I would say four plays not just like suggestion it's actually requirement we don't just like talk about it, like we need it. So.

No, I think that's a, those are all really good points and things that like you hear all the time. Like it's kind of like noise in the back room. It is, but it's true. And it's, and the truth is it is true, you know? So I think like you kind of, you kind of like, sometimes a common sense isn't so common, right? Like you're trying to like reinforce these things to be like not,

like the truths and not the myths, right? The myths are that four plays are something, no, we don't need four play because it's all, oh, I'll give it to her just to get to my needs map. But there's like a whole shift that has to change with relationships and men and women. And I think that women thing is like a really important point, right? Because I think so much of it is based on someone's confidence, right?

Like what they're, and shame, or like uncomfortable to ask for what they want. And like, again, I always say the same thing. Like how you do one thing in life is probably how you do everything in life, right? So if you're kind of like someone who's uncomfortable to ask for what you want in one area, you're probably going to be that way in the other. Exactly. And so when these people are coming to you in this, like, what are some, like, tactical things you tell them to do to kind of build their confidence in self-esteem to go after

what they want? Oh, that's a good question. I mean, I feel like it's, um, confidence is definitely an inside job. I think it's being consistent with whatever you're trying to do. You mean for sexually, how do they become high-guessing? I guess so, yeah. Because that's what you're special to you. Yeah.

I would say because by, if I was calling into your show and I would say, you know, you would tell me this advice, like, oh, well, then just do this and this, that doesn't necessarily transfer to me, like then having like this grand, you know, this confidence and self-worth and walking in the world differently. Like, is there actual tactical, practical steps that someone can take?

Yeah, I mean, I think that if you want to become sexually confident and sexually empowered, I think the first step is understanding that we are responsible for our own pleasure. And I don't keep talking about orgasm, but honestly, I don't want to be like, so orgasm-centric because some people, but most people can have that, okay? They're responsible. Is it true though that some people cannot? It's some very few kids.

Very few, okay. And I think that people think they're like broken. People call me and I'm like, no, you just have to breathe and try. Women are all uncomfortable with themselves. And yeah, that's what it is. So I think the more we learn this self-love and realize that our bodies can do all these amazing things, and actually do masturbate and we start to ask our partners and show them

what feels good. I think that men, and I know I'm talking very heteronormative here, but there's actually a masculine energy and a feminine energy in every relationship. So even if it's same sex, there's still someone in the bedroom who took a power thing, right? Like you have to have a masculine energy and a feminine energy. So even for that, whoever it is leading, that's more about the chemistry that's happening

in the moment, like you have to learn how to play with the polarities of them, and that's a whole other conversation of the masculine, I just want people to feel like it's just, because it is pretty. No, it's much upon that. I think that's super important. Yeah, it's like attraction.

So you're saying, that's a good point too, that there has to be a mat a more masculine energy and at least actually in the badger. It's actually for the polarity. If you're both lying there waiting for someone to make the move nuts and it's going to happen. And if you're both on the masculine state leading, there's also nothing that's going to happen. But is that why some people are I guess are more drawn gravitate to different people because of the media. Absolutely. And then for women, though, what's another, okay, so do have another thing, is where a lot

of women are challenged, like, for example, me, being a strong, independent, very like, masculine woman in my day-to-day life, I run a business, I'm in charge, I'm a pretty show at all these things. How do I turn that off and then get into my body, my feminine when I'm with a man, or if I'm on a date or not open the door, not pay for the check, in a way that a lot of men want to leave.

They want to be, but they don't know how because then it's confusing messages and then with me too. It's like all crazy right now, but if you talk about polarity and that is what the attraction is between men and women, women, women, is it somebody is leading, somebody is following and the masculine is more of the container for the energy

that the feminine brings. And the feminine is all about bringing your energy and awakening your whole body, your pelvic floor, breathing into it and realizing it like, like how do you, I mean, it's like, I have to remember this when I go on dates, like I try to do like my breath, when I meditate, I breathe in, I like, like, how do you, I mean, it's like, I have to remember this when I go on dates. Like, I try to do like my breath. When I meditate, I breathe in, I like pelvic floor.

You do these like, you can like, clench your peck, your keg, your PC muscles, keg, keg, keg, keg, keg, keg, keg, you do them and you're like, waking it. Because so many women, the reason why we're not having pleasure and we're not having orgasms. And we don't know what we want is because we are just disconnected because we've been in like fight or flight

And we have shame and we've had trauma and we are disconnected from our what's going on down below So it's so important to like reconnect to that energy and you can actually it's real energy So you start to bring that energy up and you allow yourself to kind of Feel it and surrender into it and a lot of that is like letting our bodies Knowing how to please ourselves letting our bodies go. So if we're out in date like allowing them to lead and allowing them, but not in like a passive way, and then we're in our, it's a whole other, it's a lot of podcast stuff. That's gonna say there's so much here. It's a terric sort of more, but it all makes so much sense to me. And there's like so many ways I

can kind of like now go with this conversation and I it could be a nine hour podcast but literally I will come back you have to because okay so let's just go with the first thing so you're saying building I was asking about how do people build but ways and then you said how do build I asked you about the building confidence and all that but then you start you said something about about how we're disconnected to our bodies and like that's huge and if that's the case so maybe I misunderstood but did you say if we did kegels more bodies. Yeah, that's huge. And if that's the case, so maybe I misunderstood, but did you say if we did kegels more? Oh, yeah.

I mean, that's just, we think our like, yeah, it awakens it. Yeah. We would be more confident because we feel our physicality. It would be, I don't know that we'd be more calm. It's a great, it's a great gateway. Begin it.

Yeah, gateway. What I tell women is like, is they never look in the mirror. They don't look at it. They have shame. They have shamed. Now it's porn. I hear from all these young women, they're like, what's wrong with me?

My labia? I'm like, oh my god, they are learning from porn. And you've, it's like, oh, so now there's all this body shamed. So they're like, I don't even want to know. And I'm like, okay. People are looking at that as the baseline, right? But if you don't look like that male or female. I know, I'm shameful sure you feel less than that.

It's really bad. It's like holding a mirror up to them. They're like, oh, god, this is I'm really wrong. But what I say is hold a mirror up to yourself. Women need to become the experts and men of their own body. So I'm like, when you're like, take a look, see what happens. See how magical your body is that like when you get a row, it's like your clitoris swells. All these things change in your body. Women should know this. We should understand our menstrual cycles. We should understand how we get a rouse, your clitoris swells, all these things change in your body. Women should know this.

We should understand our mental cycles. We should understand how we get a rouse and how we get turned on, but that is empowering. That's like, I'm telling you, I've seen this with my niece. She might tell me, but she was just gonna leave for a month. She won't tell me. She's not writing about it and talking about it,

but she came in like, I don't know any of this. And now she's back up at school and she's just empowered empowered, like with men telling what she wants. This is my clitoris. This is what she's looking in the mirror. She's doing all the things and I wasn't like sitting. I'm sure her mother's thrilled that you to that there.

But top that thing. She's learning because people, parents don't know that. Absolutely. I'm teaching things to people that nobody knows. I didn't know and it's still kind of, if you go into this work, you would know it, but women are mostly like, it's funny. I wanted this one's podcast a few weeks ago, and she's got a very successful show

and she's all about women. Her name is Daddy Issues. She's got the two, she came in and she's 30 and she was like, Emily, and her, she said, I've got a list of questions. I'm like, okay, shoot, she's like, how do I not make that weird orgasm face? How do I give a blowjob? And I was like, okay, but what about your pleasure? It was like

this, I was there for an hour and a half because it was like her sex lesson and she was like, because it's called daddy issues because, to give it what that means, right? She was all about pleasing men and getting their attention. I'm like, but who cares if you give a blow, if you, what about your pleasure? Oh, I don't want a guy to go down to me. This is the only issue. I don't want any that. I don't want that. I'm like, well, and it's kind of like rewiring our brains. We're ready to give. Who cares how you fucking look when you do all these things?

Like, what about you? So my big message is that I just want women to know that you are sexy or you're more confident, you're more desirable when you lead with your sexual energy and for a partner. If there is someone who can't handle that and you're too big for them, they're not in right. Right. So does that mean that women will naturally gravitate then to guys who are more powerful than them in what or more confident, like that's why women who are strong, who are successful,

I would imagine tend to like guys, right, who are sometimes, sometimes, but if they're more in their, if they're more in their alpha, they might be attracted to men who are believing they're feminine because they need that you get balanced attracted to men who are and believe in their feminine, because they need that union balance. That's gonna say. So I might need, like in my palette, and I'm much more nurturing now than I used to be, but my instance I've dated for so many years,

it's like I've gone into trajectories, where like I did so many men who were like, they cooked for me, they were like much more nurturing and they were romantic and I was like, not. I mean, I'm feminine. It did work, because it worked. I was like,. I mean, I'm feminine. It did work. It did work. I was like, thank God, someone's thinking of my needs.

And I had to learn that I had to learn to repair it myself because I was imparant and I raised myself in many ways. And so now I'm much more like I am bearing not just a fucking whole other podcast. Yeah, that's gonna say. So I think that if you really take a look at yourself, you can kind of realize what your needs, and now what I needed then was it might be what I need now, but yeah, typically a really strong

woman is going to want someone typically icy a little more in the feminine. Yeah, but we can have it all. You can learn to have it all if you so desire. Well, no, I think that's a super very strong point because I think that when you have a super strong personality, two strong kind of end up too positive, you know what I mean? They make a negative or... That's not the right polarity.

They're not the right polarity. No, there's no. So I never, I'm in a like, I want someone who's super successful and I have dated those guys who are super powerful or CEOs or politicians, but I wasn't getting, like I like to be, I want my needs, I want to be nurtured and told that I have someone who have time for me and ground me. So to me, that's not, if

they're not available on that interest rate, because I'm typically not available. You know what I mean? Absolutely. So I want someone who is a little bit more. I think that's a great, I think that's something that we should all listen to. And I agree with that a lot. You can't have, I think I, too, super, tough, strong, don't bounce each other. It won't. So just because like, people, I think people make tough strong don't battle with each other. So just because like people, I think people make a lot of assumptions, right? Cause like here you are,

is like this really strong, powerful entrepreneur who's successful and pretty and did it, did it. They think that you're gonna have to, like they're gonna have to like match you with someone who's even above and beyond that professionally. But what really makes someone, you know, that doesn't necessarily mean that's a good partner, physically, sexually, emotionally,

spiritually. Yeah. If I would say what I'm looking for, I mean, yeah, and they could be as long as they've done, if only if they've already been for me, like, have you done your work? Are you passionate about something? Do you know who you are?

Absolutely. I'm only using you by the way, is it the exact same? Yeah, I know it makes sense. I think it's for all us strong, entrepreneurial women out there. And like, there's a big thing to be said for having that balance that you're doing. But I do find, okay, I was going to say to you something totally, although we can only talk about the, well, we kind of touched upon the confidence. Yeah, I think you could have explained it really well.

I think I did it confidence is a lifelong journey. It's a lifelong journey. And I think that that was a great way to kind of learn. And learning to stop your negative self-talk is huge. Like learning to whatever is defeating you. And I also think success helps conference with becoming an expert, like definitely putting in the hours and the time to learn with your work with any vocation

or if it's like you're already passionate. That's a great time to exercise. I was going to ask you about that. So before you came on, I did a little bit of googling and I wanted to figure out the correlation between sex, success, entrepreneurs. Number one, I found a couple different things. I found that,

number one, I said that entrepreneurs have a higher sex drive than maybe. Could you know what was taking more spontaneous? Well, I'm not sure if that's a myth or if that's true That entrepreneurs have more. Yeah, I believe that that's probably true I would believe that the personality type of an entrepreneur is a kin to someone who's constantly seeking thrill seeking Commitment averse maybe more like spontaneous and wants to it has a adrenaline more like the dopamine junkie adrenaline yeah the dopamine adrenaline so I would think that they would be more attracted to you know sexual to sex to gambling to to to compulsive behaviors so maybe

we'd be a little bit more sexual and into things that would make sense. Well, I'll tell you this. So I found also three reasons why sex will bring more success to your life. I love it. So this said that number one, sexual energy can be transmutable, which means sexual energy can be transferred to other pursuits. What do you think about that, right? Absolutely, that's the other thing. Like why, why, I keep talking about masturbation, why the health benefits of sex, connection, the oxytocin you get from being with someone which is all these love hormones, and like that will absolutely transfer. If you have sex, let's say the night before,

and you go into work and you're in that morning and you're feeling more, it does it. Elevates your serotonin, you are going to feel empowered to go in and kick ass because you've had this great sexual, it's like exercise. It's the same thing. In case that's the case, okay, then why do they say like people who are like professional athletes, a boxer who's going to be there, they have to, they have to like abstain. It's that.

But yeah, abstain from sex. That's actually not true. That is true. That's another myth that you shouldn't have sex before the night before the Zeretunnel. Yeah, or like, you know, they don't want to have any women. Maybe no ejaculation. Right. Because they have to, yes, isn't there? How is that the same? Okay. I believe that it's more like a myth. Well, if someone's causing you drama, and you have a huge match the next day, like don't go out with your drama acts or anything,

but I think that's exactly. I thought they said. And this could be like, yeah, note that like if people have a big game, not just boxers, whatever, they have to come. Whatever. I've heard that, yeah, maybe this is a myth. I'm asking you if it's a myth. They have to have saved from sex for 94. I mean, I've heard this actually got asked this on a press request once for like Cosmo magazine.

I remember doing a deep dive into it. It's like, there's been said, like, maybe it was about female runners, something in male and like, runners as well. And like, maybe there was like no conclusive evidence that was actually true. And it was more like a case by case basis. I haven't been to with what you ate, your how trained you were. But like sex, 99% of sex is going to be very beneficial to you. Like, if you're with a partner that you trust or that's loving and you had sex, it's

pretty much going to enhance, said you both have pleasure and you're in a healthy place, it's going to help you not hurt you. Especially masturbation, if you're single too. That is why I harp on it. It helps you figure out your body and it gives you, you get flushed with these hormones that help with migraine headaches, PMS. It helps you with sex does. Sex does.

Just sex, just orgasms. If you tell me the benefit, give me the health benefits of orgasm. Health benefits of orgasm. Okay, back to the orgasm. Well, because I do, or I'm sorry, I need to believe it, is this like, I'm, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Health benefits of sex is all the same. It's those chemicals, those rush of those feel good hormones. Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, like that's all really good for us to get flush. It's like exercise. It's the same thing. It's a form of exercise. Yeah. And connection, we need that with our partners.

We need to get, I think connection also. It's all about connection. We want to be able to touch. I think that's really healthy to be able to like cuddle. Like intimacy isn't just about sex. It is about handholding and cuddling and touching and being close to your partner. So all of that is absolutely beneficial because it calms our nervous system. You know, stress is the biggest killer of our sex drive. Stress is an anxiety and we're all freaking stressed out. So if you can find ways to calm yourself, relax yourself for many people, it can be through

sex and touch. So the health benefits, like you said, you're releasing them. Oh my god, you're releasing them. You'll feel good, hormone do headaches. It helps clear your skin. It helps you heal. It helps you heal better. Yeah. It can help with clearing your skin. Absolutely. No, you're in germany. Because I know, I know, because they say that like your blood circulation through your body is going to help you, you're flushing it with like better with the blood circulation is typically what it is. Um, happy with cramps. Have orgasm because you're tensing those pelvic floor muscles. And so that's okay. And so, okay.

And the other one is, hold on, I'm going back to here. The sex, the correlation between sex and success. Dan, it says, it also obviously puts you in a state, sorry, sex puts you in a peak state of creativity. Yeah, it can. Absolutely. Yes, because your brain, you've had that release, and then you're like clear mind right after orgasm

could absolutely propel you into, or like go right, down, and write something after an orgasm. It's such a release. Right, so then there are, so there's creativity, clarity, confidence. So I guess the thing is the act of sex can be very beneficial for people who are entrepreneurs or for success because of all the stuff we just

talked about. The releases of all those great those feel good hormones, the ability to be more creative. However, I guess what the people sometimes talk about the other stuff, bad with the toxic relationship. Well, there's always a dark side, right? That's the light side. That's the light side. Benefits and happiness, but you can also be in a relationship that's like super shitty. Yeah. But have great sex. But that's so you can have the benefits, the benefits of the great sex, I guess, but then the other issue would be like the yeah, then it's more short lived if it's with someone toxic who makes you feel worse after. And trauma.

Trauma is such a time-soc. If you are in a toxic spiral right now in your interrelationship that won't end, or that you keep getting into it, this is when I say, just stop what you're doing, pull out of the relationship if you can or just like get some help, get a therapist, because therapy, if you guys are still in couples,

when it gets a toxic cycle, you're never, just know this right now. You're never gonna get out of it on your own. Because it's how you got there. With this person, you're not gonna have a fight that's gonna solve it all. You guys don't have the tools clearly. So get into therapy together or on your own

and start to figure out what the hell is this pattern from. It's typically from childhood. We are here to figure out whatever happened to us in childhood. You could have had the most perfect parents in the world, but to be honest, started burst your bubble, nobody does. If you just look at this way, we are here to learn lessons. And those lessons are starting from our caretakers. Right.

Even if they were there in perfect and supportive and all these things, there are still things to learn and to unlearn. Mostly it's learning what it was and then what is serving you, what didn't serve you, and then break you free and creating your own patterns that do serve you. That sounds good. Okay, I have a couple other things for you and then you'll be free to get out of here. Number one, because this is a show all about habits and hustle, what do you do every day? What is your routine? What is your habits that you do at least two out of three. It, like the first thing when I wake up in the morning

because that always sets me up for success because I never regret, just like the gym, I never regret having an orgasm and I never regret working out. I always feel better after and then my mind is clear and then I like to just think about my day. What I want to happen, what, like, because I am, I am, I mean, I've been an anxious person,

typically. So if I can kind of think about even what's happening in my day and how I want it to go and I can take a moment to manifest it, feel it in my body, what's it going to be like, then that just sets me up. Because then I'm like, oh, you already know how this meeting is going to be, that this interview is going to go, wow, that the show tonight, you'll be fine. And so the first thing you do when you wake up is, as I meditate, I do. I just put go, wow, let the show tonight, you'll be fine. And it's all welcome. So the first thing you do when you wake up is- That's not a bad idea. I just put on my headphones and I sit up in bed. And then you, what, take them off and then you mask off.

And then I've got my toys. Yeah. You didn't bring them. I thought you said you were gonna bring them. Oh, I'm seeing. I'm gonna bring them tonight. Oh, okay. Oh, I am.

Okay, good. You could. Today we're having dinner offline here. We had Dory just there. She was just on my podcast. I just would, yeah, because I was- Did you release it? No. No, what did you tell me when it's good? just on my podcast. I just would, yeah, because I was like, did you release it? No.

No, you tell me when it's going. I can't remember. I'll look. Yeah. But check it out. It was really good. And then I'm going to bring you toys. Oh, because I wanted to see you and ask you, I have a sex toy closet in my office that is

massive. And so I need to ask you what, I'm going to bring you a bunch and then you're going to pick. Okay, we do want to ask me though. What toys do you want? Oh, I'm going to see. Do you want to give me like a array of toys? Well, I'm going to see.

Do you want a literal vibrator? Do you want a G spot? I'm definitely going to bring you loop. If I could leave it, I think loop is like a variety of toys? Well, I'm gonna see. Do you want a literal vibrator? Do you want a G-spot? I'm definitely gonna bring you Lube. If I could leave it anything, Lube is like a secret weapon in the bedroom. Lube is the most important thing. Like, no matter what age you are,

Indiana University, Kinsey Institute, Ditta Study, and when you adjust a few drops of Lube to every sexual activity, women are 80% more likely to orgasm. Because our clitors isn't gonna lubricate itself. We need to add a few drops and it helps warm things up, but mimic even if you're already wet, I know it's like, oh, I don't need that.

There's like a stigma. Go, I'm something's wrong. And then men are like, no, Lou, that means I didn't turn you on and it's all bullshit, that's the myth. The myth is that our wetness level is an indicator of arousal and it is not true. All right, could you actually own another myth? We, yeah, you need to find it. You are not, women can be wet and not turned on. You can be turned on and not true. Oh right, could you actually own another, yeah. You need to find the new one.

You are not, women can be wet and not turned on. You can be turned on and not wet. You wet, you wet, and then you dry up because you're having sex, just add blue. I'm gonna bring a new loob and then a few toys to choose from. Wow, oh my God, this is gonna be a great dinner. It is gonna be a great dinner. We're gonna embarrass people inside us though.

I love it, I love it. Make them love, make them ask about it. No one's ever said like, why'd you tell me to get that toy or use loob? Literally I get, because my dream, one of them, is a loop on every nightstand. Like, some jobs with the kids. Yes, because we are so shameful of it and I'm telling you, I love Uberlube, I love Pure. There's all these great brands. You can go to my website, Sex or Family, we have all of them on there.

But like, don't buy the drugstore like kind, but you invest in it and a few drops. It changes everything. Do you know what I heard? And not because I use it because I actually don't, but I heard this from a few, a few girls. They use coconut oil. Is that true? I have a great brand of coconut oil called Wumor Play that's actually a lube coconut oil that's created into a lube. Yes, you can use coconut oil and most of you will be fine. My only challenge is that like, it's not, we have to be so careful because there are bacteria is, could be so sensitive. Yeah. So let's see, it was in the cupboard that it was in the fridge and it's

changing textures. I'm just worried about using it. Like, you're going to use it for your stir fry and then you're going to bring it to the bedroom. Like, I don't know. I don't, I don't, like, look, there's a pubic hair in our... Yeah, I agree, I've got much to be very on myself, but you know, what am I gonna say? I was like, oh yeah, that sounds like an interesting one. Yeah, I'm gonna bring you that. Okay, I'm gonna bring you, you're gonna love it. That's great, okay, so we've got a side track, okay.

We've finished with your routine. So you've managed to do that, I got your size. First, then, then, then, you're in bad mood. Sometimes I do, but it's almost like my, my, my, my gift. It's almost like my reward. Like your reward, okay, okay. But it depends on the mood. If I wake up feeling like, times I do, but it's almost like my, my like gift. It's almost like my reward. Like your reward, okay. But it depends on the mood. If I wake up feeling like,

and I'm telling you, I don't always want to do any of those things. Was it a third thing you said? Manifest. It could be writing, it could be, then I got in the shower, I'm like, how is my day gonna go? It calms me, or like, what do I want?

Like I think that we so, it's really been a good practice for me to actually think about what I want to happen, how I want it to go down, because typically, we'll catastrophize, we'll worry. We'll, you know, I think I've done that. I'm like, I just get caught up in like an anxious leap about the day or what I need to do,

but when I actually am thinking through what I want, either in my that day or in my life, it just helps me with a lot of clarity, I think that you're not going around circles all day. So those things help me, I work out, I try to work out most days. Most days. You know, having in a week, clarity, I think, that you're not going around in circles all day. So those things help me. I work out. I try to work out most days. Most days.

You know, having in a week, but that's life. I realize you've opened down. Right, and slow, and slow. It's a flow. When all of my other habits for success, I try, I really, I really, I really have a great environment. Yeah, I get my meals delivered because I usually get

really hungry and I just make sure that I have, like, breakfast and lunch delivered. So I don't have to work. I try to take care of as many things as I can. So I don't have to worry. I tried to take care of as many things as I can. So I don't have to worry about them. Absolutely. And I don't cook though. And I really tried to have great communication at my, you know, in my office, my staff.

I want to work around really good people. That's something else I've had to learn for success. Like treating your implant, this kind of a, I don't know if that's, I guess that's not a personal routine, but I try to be good, I have a good boss, good leader, treating people with, making, giving them what they're worth, treating people well, but like, I think my main thing is actually,

if I exercise and meditate every day, I'm good. A closure brain. Absolutely. And you could also, yeah, as I said, you masturbate in the shower, but I didn't want to bring it up again, because I said it sometimes. So if you're math, does that mean, said, you master it in the shower, but I didn't want to bring it up again because I said it sometimes. So if you master it, does that mean? So is there less?

What's the difference between mastery and having sex with someone else? Is there's one that's supposed to be more beneficial than others? They're all the same. I mean, honestly, like the reason why I like masterations because it's constantly recit self-love, it truly is. Yeah. It's like, would you like, I understand sex? Yeah. So when you love and you are connected, like I'm saying, if I, if it's just doing a keggele one today or you're touching your, you are connecting, it's helping to break that blockage of energy. So I think it's important to, yeah, but also being with your partner

and having sex and it doesn't have to be about every day and people always want to know what's the right number. I mean, I think that that's why I didn't ask that question. Get to decide. You couples get to decide, but if what's the right number. I mean, I think that that's why I didn't ask that question. Get to decide. You couples get to decide, but if it's not right for you guys and figure out what is, there's compromise. If there's no time set the alarm earlier in the morning, have weekend sex. Like just fit it in and I think scheduling sex is really important for many, many couples are just too busy.

If you wait for it to happen, it won't happen. Right. But then just in a take to like kind of the, no, so that's what I used to think. But if you actually schedule it, here's why it's so much better. Because then you're like, oh, Saturday night is the night. And then when I'm by our talk about,

I said also my other play quote is four play starts after the last orgasm. That means that now you're looking forward to it and you guys can send each other something to us. You didn't say that, but I liked that. I think, yeah. Say it again for everybody. Four play starts after the last orgasm.

Because our brain is the largest sex organ. So for many women who think they have low libido and they don't want to sex, it's because we are not thinking about it. It's not top of mind. Keep your pilot like lit. Talk to your partner about what's going to happen Saturday night. You wear your favorite sexy things that make you feel good. You're perfume the lotion, the toys, and you guys can even plan like Saturday night.

I can't wait to do this thing. And then you're building towards it rather than one of you wants it Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, you're rejected and then like, I gotta get it to duty sex. Then you just know, Saturday's our night. Done, it takes so much worry and then you can just suppress her off.

Could you know that one you have that one, yeah? That's a great, this is great information. I have to say, I'm seriously, I think genuinely, like you gave us a lot. You packed a lot of things going here. Yeah. Where I could have gone on so many different tangents, you seriously have to come back.

I will. Like I say that sometimes people are like, no, but I mean it. And I met you too though. And I met you. And I met you. Dude, I mean the same thing. I'm a great point.

I mean, anything else in life to be successful, you need to have to schedule everything. Definitely. And have a structure. It's not because you're being regimented, because you're trying to be successful. You have to schedule everything and have a structure. It's not because you're being regimented, because you're trying to be successful at everything that you do. Right? So why eliminate the confusion and the back and forth, have it there. Right. And everything else in life that we are, just like you're saying, that we achieve that, like have it there. Right, and everything else in life that we were,

just like you're like, that we achieve at, exercise, health, religion, being a good parent, because you make a plan. What was sex? We're like, oh, it should always be amazing without talking about it, magical. No, that's bullshit. That's not how sex goes down.

Absolutely, to have structure around it. Have structure on anything. Have goals? That's a good point. I love this. It's a sky to sex with Emily. I love you. I adore you. I love you too. Thanks for having me. I think you were just great. Thank you so much for coming on. So tell people how they can find you. If they're living under a rock.

If you're living under rock now, you can find me. Everything is sex with Emily.com. I released three podcasts a week. Wherever you listen to podcasts, if you have serious sex and radio, I'm on five minutes a week Monday through Friday, 5 to 7 pm Pacific. I have a store in my site, tons of recommendations for all the great products. I love you can send your questions to feedback at sexwithanly.com. Wow, thank you so much. And you're the best. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Heather Monahan, host of Creating Confidence, a part

of the YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. Okay, so I wanna tell you a little bit about my show. We are all about elevating your confidence to its highest level ever and taking your business right there with you. Don't believe me, I'm gonna go ahead and share some of the reviews of the show so you can believe my listeners.

I have been a long time fan of Heather's, no matter what phase of life I find myself in, Heather seems to always have the perfect gems of wisdom that not only inspire, but motivate me into action. Her experience and personality are unmatched, and I love her go-getter attitude. This show has become a staple in my life. I recommend it to anyone looking to elevate their confidence and reach that next level. Thank you! I recently got to hear Heather at a live podcast taping with her and Tracy Hayes,

and I immediately subscribe to this podcast. It has not disappointed, and I cannot wait to listen to as many as I can, as quick as I can. Thank you, Heather, for helping us build confidence and bring so much value to the space. If you are looking to up your confidence level, click creating confidence now.

confidence and bring so much value to the space. If you are looking to up your confidence level, click creating confidence now.