Habits and Hustle - Episode 35: Gabrielle Reece – Volleyball Legend, Best-Selling Author, and Keynote Speaker

Episode Date: October 29, 2019

Gabrielle Reece, a world-renowned athlete, New York Times bestselling author, wife, and mother joins us on today’s episode. She is a champion on and off the court, and one that inspires many through her intense passion and dedication to health and fitness. Gabby is also Nike’s first female athlete to design a shoe, and Nike’s first-ever female cross-training spokesperson.  Gabby really delves into her pursuit of constant self-improvement. She discusses the importance of doubling down on who are you are versus trying to find another person’s mold, how she continues to work on habits that make her uncomfortable, and much more! Youtube Link to This Episode Gabrielle’s Instagram Gabby’s Website ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. Welcome to the Habits and Hustle Podcast. A podcast that uncovers the rituals, unspoken habits and mindsets of extraordinary people. A podcast powered by habit nest. Now here's your host, Jennifer Cohen. All right guys, welcome to Habits and Hustle. And today we have Gabrielle Reese,

otherwise known as Gabby Reese. He's here. I'm not jeezier. I'm really excited about this episode. I was saying before you got here, I didn't want to like say it and then re-say it because of so many things that you've stand for and who you are as a person,

but I'll ask you about. But for those of you who don't know, she's a champion volleyball player, a model, an entrepreneur, and I think just an overall just like badass woman. So I'm so excited to have you here. So thank you. I hope I can let off all of that.

I don't know, we're gonna find out now, won't we? What I was going to say, and I said, I stopped myself before we started, was I wrote the book Strong as a New Skinny. And you were always kind of one of those role models for me and for the book, because I think that you were one of the first women who was a very strong presence.

You were so tall, 6'3", and you were being praised for being muscular and super fit, but you weren't a waif, which was that huge trend, right? And you kind of made being strong, like super hot and super sexy. And like, I think that was like kind of the first of maybe how now it is that way. And I was always curious, like when you went, when you were, when that was you,

did you feel that way about yourself or how did you feel? Like, well, I think you have to realize, like from when I'm coming up, I'm coming up with a really different perspective. Right. Meaning, so there's a couple of events that go on, because really it's always the people before you that you never hear about are the ones.

And then my timing just was good. Right. If that makes sense, you know, like Cheryl Miller was just right before me. And if you want to go deep into the lineage, you have like babe Dietrichson DeHarius, who is incredibly muscular, but maybe not quite as feminine. So I think coming up, first of all, I was, you're kind of bumbling through. You're not like focused and being like, oh I know what I stand for. I was growing up. I was 17 when I went to college in 18 when I started

modeling. It's not like you have a complete sense of self and you know, like, oh this is going to translate like this, right? So you're sort of bumbling around. And and maybe because of my height and because I came from sports, which does really empower you in a different way, you know, and being around other really strong women, it's sort of the norm. Because there, there's a lot of bees in, you know, built like me, physiques in, in all of women's athletics. And so it was that part of it definitely shaped me sort of saying, yeah, this is really who I am. When you're six, three or not, you either are tortured

or you say, I'm not gonna be tortured and I'm just gonna go with it. Right. So I think what I did realize is once I then turned professional, and that was sort of that, I was straddling this line of like feminine and strength was sort of that there. I was straddling this line of like feminine and strength and all of these things. But again, just representing a group and a time.

But it was you that stood out, right? Like you said, there's a lot of people who may have had similarities to you. But there was reasons why it was became you the person, who became, you were on the cover of Elle, cover of all these magazines, and you playboy, didn't you, didn't you, didn't you even like, did I do playboy late? It was 30. Oh really? Okay. But still, like, you were still not the typical person that they would

stay, it was a sex symbol, but you became one. I mean, yeah, I don't know, like even playboy, I didn't think they'd publish the pictures because I had a guy friend of mine say, oh, I saw your playboy and he goes, you know, it just wasn't I go what pornographic enough and he's like, yeah. Like all the women that saw it really liked it because it was actually just the form. The guy who shot at Philip Dixon,

who I worked with since I was 18. And like the last time I shot with him, I think I was 47. Like I've worked a very long time with this person who I trust very much. He put you legs to like a mountain or a rock or jumping. So it was really the form. Yeah.

And then when I saw it and what we did is we shot the pictures. Um, he edited the layout and he gave it to them and he goes, this is how it has to be. And when I saw it, I go, they will never publish it. Really? No, because they weren't sexy. They were. And I think that's the thing. I don't know that I've ever been sexy.

I don't think it's that. I mean, I mean, that's the thing. I'd say it's funny for women. Yeah. It's almost like they're like, yeah. But I don't think for men as much of the notion of what we think is sexy or sexual. I get what you're saying. Although I do think it's evolved to now where that is much more sexy or sexual than it was back then, which is what kind of what I was

kind of getting to at that time. That was definitely not like sexy or sexual. It was more like being like size zero and little petite and like eating a little carrot Maybe once in a while and then you come you know on and they even like you said you were from that's kind of But you were surrounded by but for whatever reason to me anyway You stood out and I was like wow this is this is exactly you embodies Everything that I think is super hot and then obviously I wasn't the only one Because with your whole career But so when you were like 15 I think I I saw when you were like 6-3, 15.

How did you feel then being that? It was tough. Yeah. I think it's tough. And then that's right also when I transitioned from growing up in the Caribbean and moving to Florida. It was my junior year of high school. And what was very interesting for me is I actually always felt okay about it.

It just got tiring the response of people. Oh, you're so tall, you're tall. And when you're 15, you're already again, you're kind of muddled and threw. And you want to be a part of something and you want to fit in. And actually you really want to be like everyone else. The hairstyle, the clothing.

And it's a valuable lesson. I think it's true for any of us. Like if we have this thing that makes us different, it will be the thing. I mean, so you spend your whole adult life trying to be different. You know, so it's this small window from like 11 to is it 20? Is it 19 where you're like, oh, I've got to be like everybody. And then almost to be like, wait, how do I stand out? But anyway, I just think for me, I always felt okay. I always stood up straight. My mother's very, very tall.

She's about six, two and a half. It just got like the other people around me after a while. And then when I started playing sports, it sort of gave me a reason to be this tall. I could be like, oh, you play volleyball on basketball. That's why you're so tall. It's like, oh, yeah, that's why I'm so tall. Exactly, right? You know, we're so tall. It's like oh, yeah That's exactly right, you know

Yeah, and you've tried then I went to college and there's a lot of other girls, you know my height or taller Right a more muscular whatever right so your sense of self was like always in check basically is my point It was always yes, well we seem to have but I didn't want to stand out right I didn't want to not I wasn't trying to not but I didn't want to want to stand out. I didn't want to not, I wasn't trying to not, but I didn't want to disrupt or get in the way, or speak too loudly or draw attention to myself. I did have that component. I mean, just moving from the Caribbean to the US, that must have been a crazy transition when you're 15. It was important though. How did you grow up in the crib? What was it like, I guess, as the question,

when you were to grow up in the Caribbean versus the US, I guess? It was very wild. Yeah. A lot of the times we always say the parents that if they're not from there, why are they there? Right. Well, yeah. Because they're having a good time.

And there's music and alcohol and a lot of marijuana, like a lot of weed. And so there was a lot of independence, a lot of being outside, a lot of being in the ocean. But you never really thought past, for me personally, I never thought about anything past high school. I thought, OK, I'll just get a job. I never thought about going to university.. Like I would thought, okay, I'll just get a job. I never thought about going to university.

That wasn't, I wasn't groomed that that way. And it would have been very easy to have a child at 19 and just work in a gift shop. And not that, hey, that's not a good existence, but it would have been very easy for that to be my path. And so my mom, I think at that time was like, this isn't probably not gonna go as well as it could, so that's why she moved me in my junior year.

Oh, okay, so your aunt and your uncle raised you for a few years, right? From two to seven. I lived in Long Island with that, and my mom was training dolphins, I know, tons, so they... She was training dolphins. Yeah, in a circus, and I got hooping cough, and so they took care of me,

and during that time, my father was getting his doctorate's degree. And then he ended up passing away when I was living there. And so then when my mom got remarried, and he was from Puerto Rico. And it's just kind of ironic because my biological father is from Trinidad. And so what was really a beautiful gift to me

that I didn't know at the time was I got to really understand a lot about my father's culture. At least living in the West Indies, yes, there's different nuance between St. Thomas and Trinidad, but there's a lot of similarities. And so it was really a real gift to me that I didn't know. So I obviously didn't want to move down there because I was feeling really secure and had a routine and a home and a family. And I did move down and it was really uncomfortable. And also, you know, it's like they always say, it's so cliche, but it's like,

it's the stuff that forms you. Right. Like were you not, were you not really an athlete back when you were living in the Caribbean or? I was very active. Yeah. And I did dabble in volleyball. Oh, you did. Like a little bit in sixth grade.

I believe even a little more in tenth grade, I had a gentleman named Kenny and he used to drive me to practice. Oh. He trained an older women's team and I certainly wasn't qualified to be there. But it was the one sport that I kind of messed around with, but not, you know, not crazy. And then when I moved to Florida, that's when I sort of, that's when it all got organized. So you just like naturally just super gifted at it. No, so you had to, I mean, out of mad, that's what I'm coachable. Right. I was going to say, so you obviously

had some like natural talent inside of you that you were able to be coach though or do you think it was just hard work discipline Like what was it what was I think you know the hard work came later Okay, as far as like when I went to college then I was like, oh, this is sort of my job now because I went on scholarship And then it was like that work ethic. I've always been like Weirdly self-disciplined like as a kid, I was very organized and like self-disciplined and on time and punctual and all these kind of weird things

that actually my youngest kid has the same traits and so annoying, but you guess it from someone I know? Yeah, she's out of control. And we're a few days apart in birthday. But I think for me, it was being able to translate information into motion. I for whatever reason had an okay knack, and I cared enough to do it. See, that's the thing, not like, oh, when it gets hard, you just go forget it. Right. There was something internally in me. It's not something like, oh, you're so great.

It was just something in my personality that it was like, okay, you're gonna coach me. I'm gonna trust you and I'm gonna try to translate information into movement and until I can get it better or get it right. There's never getting it right, but moving closer to right. Absolutely, that's interesting. So you feel like you keep on thinking you are coachable.

So you basically were disciplined enough to keep on trying. So it sounds like to me it's a really good work ethic. Very good. Very good. That's obviously followed. And a coach, I have a very clear, I can do a lot of things at one time, not multitasking. Not multitasking. No, because it doesn't exist actually, only 2.5%.

I agree. I can pick off what's most important when? Prioritize. Yeah, and it's automatic. If I start to get ramped up and anything, I go, okay, what needs to get done? Even if we were getting into a conversation, let's say, and we were trying to get to an end destination,

whether it's work or even personal. And we've had this sort of history that's botched and weird and we had miscommunication or weird, you know, emails or whatever. It's like, okay, now that we're here, find what's the solution. And so I think I've always tried to stay focused. Because I actually lived, my mother was somebody

who always rehashed everything over and over. And it's like, yeah, but that's done. Right, right, right. So I think I would sew the other way, like, obviously not Jewish, because my friends who we show about that, like, yeah, no, I know. Well, that's a DNA download, too, because now you get the training from your family, but it's in your DNA. Oh, 100% like us always use rehash.

Yeah, no, I don't rehash. I want to rip my hair out when I hear rehash. Oh, God. I do because I'm just out when I hear reaction. Oh god. I do. Because I'm just like, it's done. It's over. Okay, let's move on.

That's great. Let's move towards where we're trying to go. Oh, I know. And even though us, I'm not saying for every single person. Us people. But even though we know better sometimes, we just can't help ourselves. Like you said, it's part of our DNA. But also think about the location of the country and all of the people around it.

You probably had to stay very clear about everything that has happened and what's going to happen and what was happening. There was probably like a lot of analysis and like all of that. True, but I think yeah and by nature we're very neurotic and we over-analysis. By nature and I can say that because I am Jewish. Yeah, but it works. Also, think about all the great things that it creates. I 100% agree, but look, with anything, your best quality is also sometimes your worst quality.

Of course. That's with everything in life. So, well, that makes sense. So then basically, your work, because that's like, you became so good, obviously. I mean, you were not just a slouch playing. I mean, you were doing the top of the top. And you just kind of went from really not doing much

to doing an exorbitant amount. And you just basically had the discipline and the work ethic to get really good. Yeah, and also I had very pivotal people. So in high school, I had a basketball coach that really grounded me at a very important time. And um... What was his name? I saw... Dean Solz. Oh okay there's another guy who's talking about it I think I saw. Yeah there's been but there's so there's that's I think that's a

really important thing in life is like even for other people like you might be a neighbor to a kid who's parents are wonky or whatever it's like you don't know what you can offer somebody just by providing hey you come have a snack or you know give them a talking too like my coach used to say just work it out with your mother because you know I was ready to hit the roof you know and so he's like just work it out and then he'd take me like to eat barbecue after practice and be like daggommit gaviavvy, just make it work with your mother or whatever. And then I had a boyfriend actually.

And my last two years of high school, named Jeff Sandhoff, who came from a very good family. And when I say good, I mean good heart. Quality. Very quality. You know, very religious, completely different than the way I was raised. But I saw, I was like, oh, there's people out there that are trying to tell the truth,

that are trying to raise their kids, and they weren't, they didn't drink alcohol. Like, they had some standards of living that I thought that there seems, that seems to work. Some of these ideas seem to work. Me, if you're skirt is shorter or longer, and maybe if, you know, you're making good decisions and you have premarital sex, I don't have an issue with that. But you know, some of these fundamental things, I thought were so important. And so I had them impact my life. And then my college coach, Cecil Ranan, who taught me about personal accountability. And also, she would say things to me that I didn't

get to much later. Things like, do you, you know, should say like, okay, well, for example, I have to make a decision about the team. What's best for the team? Often on probably eight people play with rotation. So four out of the, you know, are unhappy because there's 12 and so some are in the back. And she goes, listen, I make choices. I make that I make the best decisions I can. And then I, she goes, I know at least one person's happy. And she's like me. And as a young woman, you're just trying to please everybody. And I really went through that because especially because I was getting attention, I was more to find to be talked about or treated in any way that I was special.

And on top of it, I was part of a team. That is a nightmare. How did that work? How was the dynamic working them with the rest of the teammates? When you were some goods, I'm not so good. That's that must be a difficult thing to deal with though. It was, but I always have said this about me in particular. My mechanism for survival is so powerful that even at the cost of that discomfort, I understood I was having in a moment and I had an opportunity and I wasn't not going to take the opportunity. And I wasn't not in certain ways

going to maximize the opportunity because I knew I had to take care of myself. So that would trumped all. Your resourceful. It would have to be. Oh, you're pissy and you're saying bitchy comments to me and it did make me feel bad. But I was very clear.

Like you have to take care of yourself. And it wasn't, meaning I had to step on people's head to do that. It just meant if I had to be in situations where people didn't understand or I was uncomfortable, that was okay. Right, also because I think a lot of times girls can be caddy and jealous, right?

Which is an awful trait, right? And when one person's getting all the attention, there's, that's like kind of human nature, that's kind of. Well, it's unfair, right? It was unfair. I was given an unfair amount of attention. But why do you think that is?

Why do you think that you were getting that difference of attention? I was just taking a different path. So here I was a regular college student, competing. I was getting better and better in volleyball. I had a very good career at Florida State. But then I was also like in the days that magazines mattered. I would be at school and there were chances

that you could go to the stand and I was probably in those magazines. And so I think people just go, that's a weird different path because they're supposedly opposing environments. And then also the fact that I was doing them at the same time or what was perceived as at the same time, I think it was just different.

And also, listen, for whatever reason, there's a lot of things, a lot of talents I do not possess. One of them that I do possess is I have always had the ability to communicate. Right. And even at 18. It's an important one though. Yeah, and my, it's funny, my auntie, my dad, sister said to me, it always felt like it was still you. Right. And so I think even then at 18 and 19, I, I guess I didn't know better.

Right. Well, also, I mean, people were like, now what happens a lot of times, people get, well, maybe even then, did you have a PR team or at that point who was like pitching you? Because now that's what happens all the time. Like, it's a whole different world right and how it is now, we'll get to that later. But like, they obviously went for you, right?

And so you were kind of just like, happens to dance, like, it's just happening because you were the standout. Well, and also women's sports, right? Like if they were like, oh, let's say ESPN or something's like, well, we're kind of male heavy, which is how it is. What is there any need to have? Is there any story in women's sports? So quite frankly, you know, I was I was part of that cycle. And then, you know, as a professional, it's like, okay, I'm with Nike and there's all of that. And so it's just the perception. Right, we had your own shoe also.

Yeah. We were the first woman to have your own shoe. Timing. That's, again, but you keep on saying timing, but it's, it's, it's an opportunity. Yeah. And luck, you know, is it opportunity? It's an opportunity and luck, is that the saying?

And part-time. And it's hard work, yeah. I mean, it's the truth. It's not just timing. You had, it was a lot of different variables. It was, but it was also, I could have, if it was five years earlier, it would have been too early. It would have been done already, if it was in another three

years or two years. So, you know, we can never undervalue sort of good timing and good fortune because I think it's important to only focus on the things that you can be in control of. Right. You know, everything else is not in my control. So for me, I'd be like, well, it's like, well, that's silly. What I could control was I could choke on time, I could work hard, I could try to do better. And you can't really worry about the rest because you're just really not in charge of it.

So I always, and because I grew up on an island, I don't think I ever really lost my mind. Right. Could you also have, I think also gave you perspective probably. Yeah. I was just happy really to be doing okay. Right. Quite frankly, I was so grateful to be able to take care of myself and make my life reflect who I always felt I was inside. Because for so long, I was obliged to live other people's lives as a kid that I never felt

in harmony with. And so just the simple thing of like my inside life and my outside life are matching, that was pretty good for me. Vitamin water just dropped a new zero sugar flavor called with love. Get the taste of raspberry and dark chocolate for the all warm, all all fuzzy all self-care Zero self-doubt you

Grab a with love today vitamin water zero sugar nourish every you vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass. Oh Like what were the hat like what was the routine and rituals when you were a professional athlete? How are they different with you now? I just don't play between all of them as much. Well, yeah. Would you say? I just don't play between all of them. No, of course not. But you still have like, you have like, XBT training.

We'll talk about that. And you obviously like live a very healthy life. You're super active still. But back then, what was the routine? What was that to be at that level of an athlete? Was there such structure in what you ate and how you exercise and what you worked out with? Yeah, my training was very structured always. I had great trainers. T.R. Goodman was a gentleman at a goals. It was my first real trainer. Then I would have coaches and you know, you're set times in volleyball.

My food came later. My food probably got organized, really organized, later, like 27 or eight, like really understanding about how food impacts you on a cellular level, not calories and, you know, it was, I had a much more simplistic view of it. That's not me too right? I think so.

It was like it was the 90s and that was okay like when carbs were still okay and... Well back there was like snap well remember those like it was eating carbs and no protein or fat. Like I still ate bagels and like... Yeah you still do it? No not so much. I mean I won't shy away from it like if I went to New York and it was like, they had salted, sweet butter, whatever. Of course, I'm gonna have a big, I don't care.

But how do you eat now? Like what's your, what kind of, I mean plants and animals? Do you eat, okay, so you do any of the like, intermittent fasting? Yes, and I want, I have a friend, I want to punch in the face. Elijah, Alan Blitz. Ha, ha, ha.

He does, he goes into a topology. Oh my God. So he brought that to my house and layered. I'll have to do it. You're talking about what that is. Because I don't think most people know. His window eating is four hours. So he can have caffeine or stevia or water.

But it doesn't start the digestive process. But he does a heath between four and eight. And it's quite good. I mean, here's what I know. Here's what I know. Choloric restriction is excellent. Nobody disputes that. Fasting is better in that you donate your muscle tissue,

you don't slow down your metabolism. And so there's something to that, right? So like, for example, I had a coffee yesterday morning and then Laird and I didn't eat lunch or dinner. And I went to bed and I was like, I had a coffee yesterday morning and then Lered Knight didn't eat lunch or dinner. And I went to bed and I was like, I am so hungry. And my husband is free. And I was like, do you want to go and eat? Because we went to kids back to school night.

And I'm really wanting to eat. And he's like, why do you want to eat? And then I'm like, oh, I don't want to be a bad influence on him. But then I'm like, screw it. Yeah, I do want to eat. And so did you eat? No, I didn't.

So wait, so you had coffee and then that's it. Yeah, all day. Yeah, and I was not happy. Oh my God. It's not that I wasn't happy. It's fine. And you know what's funny is I actually feel better today. I was, I have a need starving.

I had a coffee this morning. And but I feel better today. Like you start to kick into getting more energy and it's also the psychology. Yeah, right? The habit and you know what? Laird talked to me about two. He's like think about how much energy and time goes into one of my Gini eat and thinking about it and go yeah and add who's cooking dinner right like what are we eating as a Family for dinner you cook yeah, so you're like the big the big cook in the family. Yeah, I'm the one good for you. Yeah, so very yes, okay'm the one. Good for you. Yeah.

Are you good at cooking? Are you good at cooking? Yes. Okay, we'll get to that. You have to be. I have a husband that, he's like a 10, 20,000 calories per meal. Oh, he's insane. And he's so simple in a beautiful way of like, you know, if you made me dinner and we

could sneak away on a regular basis and you treat me with respect and like let me do be who I am. Lards like the easiest husband in the world so like for him dinner is like a real it's a language. Yeah it is. So I'm happy to do it and I want to be creative at doing it and everything but then I realized your show got so much done because I wasn't thinking about food. Right you weren't thinking about for your work. You weren't cooking. I was an animal. I kind of imagine. You were happy. You were okay, your energy was fine. Yeah, but I was realizing how much of it was my trip,

my own emotional trip. But what if you put your food like what I do, is I put a lot of things on autopilot. I've had the same breakfast for like 20 years. That's a no-no. You know that diversity is big. I know. 200%.

Yeah, 100% it is. Diversity for sure. Yeah. But you like doing the same training for 20 years. 100%. But you know I'm a creature of habit. habit and also I don't want to think about it. I want to be able to eat something so I can like move on with my. No, and I get that fuel as food. However, if you're really what season is it?

I know. What color have I not eaten? This takes thought. I know, but it's like I'm at the place now in my physical practice. I mean, listen, I'm almost 50 years old in a couple months. It's like, if you look amazing though, I don't know, whatever you're doing, I think I want to do that too.

Thank you. So, okay, but like, oh, I'm okay. Well, I got a bad, I have never really drank in my adult life. That might, you know, like maybe it's a little glass of wine. I think it's how you process strut, whatever, genetics, it goes on and on. But my point is is that you start to, when you have this long of a,

of a physical practice, it better be about something. Ender for that. Because if it's about like, how do I look in my body fat, kill me? It's got to be about like, I'm doing this so I can know myself on a deeper level. I'm doing this so I can perform as a human deeper level. I'm doing this so I can perform as a human being hopefully better, whether it's in my relationships, how I talk to people, how I respond to my kids, even though that's the one I blow probably the most, how I am in a partnership, how I, you know, am at work, my sort of sense of the world. So my

physical practice has so little to do with the physical and the same with the food. It's like I joke that can I swear? Yeah, I want to do a t-shirt that says don't fuck with my mitochondria because it's like on some level I just need to understand because I always joke about like healthy food and healthy chips And then they put canola oil and I'm like oh you're fucking with my mitochondria like don't do that You know and I'm oversimplifying it, but even with food, it's like, there's food just to enjoy, right? Like you go with your friends. It's some great best, whatever.

What's your favorite food? Like, what do you, like, what's your favorite? Like a cheating food? Yeah. I mean, listen, for me, like, who doesn't love like a real handmade pizza or, you know, with like, if you give me like risotto with truffles on it I'm good. Yeah, like what else is there you know like but I'm not I don't need it all it's not my I don't need it and so I guess I want to connect with

things like well is this going to help me overall? Right. Just be. And I don't mean fit into my jeans. That's gonna take care of itself. I know that. That's the after effect. I know that so clearly that I don't have to worry about anymore. I'm sure. So the fasting also, to be honest,

like just when it gets like really bad, and you're like, yeah, I know, I've got some peanut butter or something down in that cabinet that would take care of this lickety split. Right, right, right. Then I have to sometimes go to my lower self and be like, less inflammation, you'll look better, you'll be more slender, your joints won't hurt.

Even if I have to start using all that bullshit to get it done, then I will. Yeah, whatever it takes. Oh yeah. But I have, I. Whatever it takes. Oh, yeah. But I have, I'm, you know, I've been doing this a while. So how, okay, so you do intermittent fasting every single day? No. No, because I'm going to kill Elijah Allen Blitz.

Yeah, that's, but that's great. That's that is like crazy. He says the four. And he's transformed, by the way, his, probably his composition is totally he transformed. Yeah. And you know, whatever. So I just believe in experimenting too, because you've got to know things for yourself. Absolutely. You can't just like, I read it in Patreon form. Yeah. Whatever. So I just believe in experimenting too,

because you've got to know things for yourself. Absolutely. You can't just like, I read it in a book. Right. It's like, well, how does that work? How do I feel? Did I wake up better? Clear?

I did. Is it my joints? Are my joints feeling a little better? They are. Right. You know, it's even things like just the notion of inflammation. How do I manage that? Because stress alone will hammer you with inflammation. Right. And then add food and then okay, bad night sleep. So it's like all

these things just to support and keep it simple, right? Like, why am I doing this? If I could just come up with that answer, good enough. But you feel it's hard also because like I feel for myself, I try to do all these like the intermittent for example, but then I have kids, right? Yeah, like four year old and a six year old and I have to feed them, and they're screwed around. Oh, yeah. That's a whole other layer that I've seen. But maybe it's not the time in your life to do that.

I was not doing this when my kids were six or four. I was gonna say, how old are your kids now? My youngest is 11, then my middle's 15, and almost 16, and then I have a grown daughter is 24. Right, who's an older guy? Yeah, she's out of the house. So for me, listen, they're big enough, I can make them food on the days it's really bad or get them food and just put it there. her own daughter is 24. Right. Who's an older guy? Yeah, she's out of the house. Right.

So for me, listen, they're big enough I can make them food on the days it's really bad or get them food and just put it there. I don't have to sit there and feed them or be, you know, like I hang around them, but I can distance myself. Right. I mean, the other day I made toast. I'm also on the stab somebody. Oh, I love toast.

I know. I think so. There's nothing that tastes better. My one kid was like, can I have sourdough toast? And I was like, are you serious right now? Yeah. I know. I's nothing that tastes better. My one kid was like, can I have sourdough toast? And I was like, are you serious right now? Yeah, I know, it's so true. I couldn't have whipped up anything and you toast. The smell of toast.

And then I put butter on it. I was like, I'm gonna, yeah. It's 100% totally. You know, it's just like, it's just right there. Put it down like, Are you doing it? No. I try not to toast in mine every day.

I know, but that's what I'm saying. I guess. But you should eat a little gluten now and again. But you think it? No. I try not to toast in mind every day. I know, but that's what I'm saying. I guess. But you should eat a little gluten now and again. But you think so? Absolutely. But this is what I was going to say, but your constitution, your constitution is obviously your discipline. Don't be precious.

No. No. I'm not precious about food. You've got to eat stuff. So if you have to eat other stuff, you can survive it. More from our guest, but first a few words from our sponsor. So if you're like me and suffer from really bad allergies, do I have the solution for you? The molecule air purification system is a definite must. They are personally effective and verified by science, but most importantly, it's been tested by real people. It has given allergy and asthma sufferers around the country a whole new experience.

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for a couple. Let me just tell you. Yeah. No, it's not. No, it's a Laird doing this thing with your like your friend, the four hour one. No, Laird is just like, don't eat. He's like, I think we'll go two days and I'm like, oh my goodness. Oh, so he's gonna, he's gonna clear this hard core. And nothing else. Yeah, and then today he does training that he paddled with a cord around his waist in my pool on a surfboard for 30 minutes. I don't know if you realize how hard that is. And I heard him say, I might be ready to eat. I was like, yeah.

Are you kidding me? He's like a beast, he is. Well, his mind is very strong. People connect so much to people's physicality. It's not the mental world. And they manifest. Everything is manifested through his mind. And I think it's really important for people

to realize that that we all have choices. And even if we've done a lifetime, like we weren't taught and no one showed us, and let's say you're my age, we still have an opportunity to change our mind, to expand our mind, to develop new habits. And no, it's not easy. And by the way, it's not easy for me. Right, so that's the, and glad that you said that

because the truth of the matter is, it's not easy period. You have to train your brain sometimes to like get to that place. Yes, and you also have to decide why. Yeah. And keep your why really clear. And, and you know, for me, this is what I've said a lot. And I had an interesting conversation with somebody, a younger woman who's very,

very smart. And she said she was raised, she's about 30 to think that taking care of your body in that way was vain and uncool. And I got totally get that. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I'm going to jump. Absolutely. Versus just take care of the gift of health. And if you ask me, what am I doing? Really? The core of it? Yes, I want to be able to do stuff is I'm very clear that my health is a gift. Right. And you're reframing it in your head. It's always been that because also as an athlete, right, you've been hurt.

I've been hurt many times. I've not been able to like barely sit down on the toilet by myself because many was so screwed up. It's like you start going like, yo, this like your health is a pretty big deal. And when you get hurt enough, you, you, you recognize how much we take all these little things for granted. It doesn't mean you walk around going like, I picked up the glass on my own. I get we can't live like that.

But if it can be sort of in your value system, driving you, that hey, this is a real gift to us. Let's take care of it. Well, also though, I think you keep, you know, with layered being your husband who has, right, who has such a strong mindset. It helps, right? It's a built-in mechanism in my house. being your husband who has. Teasier. Right. Who has such a strong mindset. Teasier. It helps, right?

Like, it's a built-in mechanism in my house. And also, I draft off layered. Like, cow, give me an example. Oh, man, when he's going, I'm just like, I don't want to do that. I just pull in right behind him and I go, fine, let's do it. And he, a lot of times, is the motor that pushes. And I do other things that support us, but for sure he's the one. Right. I mean, that's a major thing, right?

Because the people you surround yourself is who you become, right? It's everything. So it is everything, I think, too. So that's why he's so strong in that way. Yes. It's impossible for you not to kind of become that as well. And you're good and sure. Like how are your kids? But I was also that way before I met Lauren. I know, that's what that's the thing.

And so I think it's like, you have to bring it to, but he's just helped me continue to bring it because I'd be tired by now. Well, it's like back and forth. It's like ping pong, right? Yeah. And you both together. Yeah, I think he's pings it more than I pong.

Pong it. He's like, here you go. You ready Gabby? I'm like, oh, thank you. Yes. Are we ready Gabby? Yeah, I'm ready's pings it more than I poked him. He's like, here you go, you ready, Gabby? I'm like, oh, thank you. Yes. Are we ready, Gabby? Yeah, I'm ready. Okay. Because I'm female.

So I'm more emotional and like, yeah, okay, give me some chocolate, whatever. It's just different. He's like, what do you need that? It's like, does he ever like have a, he does? Barely, but yes. Because he is so strong. So what would be, I'm I'm curious like so in the morning Just he nodded out until like what is his whole thing coffee with his you know, he has a whole

Yeah around his real genuine It's his coffee habit was first not the business the business is a born out of layered 25-year relationship with coffee And then 16 years ago Paul check gave Ghee in his coffee because so Larry was like interested in caffeine for energy but then it was like oh fat for persistent performance. And then a friend of ours watch Larry make these creations for like three years and he said would you mind if I try to make this in a powder because he do it for all his friends and they're like well how much of this did you put it how much of that so he does that till one o'clock. Until one o'clock. Correct. So is his day super like scheduled? No, no, because it's

a it's a surfer. He's a surfer. And what that means is he was raised with the idea when I wake up and this is before the internet, right? I will let Mother Nature dictate to me what I'm allowed to do today. So you actually have this person who is very disciplined and structured but wants to feel that he has the freedom to do whatever at any moment. And so it's an interesting mix of somebody who wants to be changing it up all the time and doing different things and going on adventures and isn't always able to. So he grinds it out also for the longevity of his performance. The reason he performs at such a high level still as an athlete is because of the radical

output in his training. I mean, I saw a documentary with him where he's like basically like lifting like crazy weights like under the water. He's like squat jumps with like we all should be doing that though. I know because it's kind on your joints. Okay. Well, that's true because of the water, so you're like squat jumps with like we all should be doing that though. I know. Cause it's kind on your joints. Okay, well that's true because the water. It is.

So then while that was a good time to talk about this whole XBT training and what are your house, I think in two weeks to try and- Okay, it'll be fun. Did you even know that I was in like, I did hear that. Okay, well I'm-

They don't keep me in the dark of things. Okay, well good. I'm excited because first of all, the whole thing, like the sauna, the breathing, I mean, so did you guys create this together? This program? Yeah, I, again, I would say there's the more artistic of us. And so what it is, is this is just born out of our lifestyle and we did it for probably

10 years. And then we have a, I have a very dear friend who is basically like my family that I used to play volleyball with. And then she was working with us on our business, Jennifer and... I like that name. Jennifer? Yeah, it's a good name. I'm lucky to have Jennifer.

And she's like, you guys have to share this with other people. I'm like, I don't want to share this with other people. I don't want people to pay money and come see us. And then like, you feel like, can I give you value? Right. You never feel like you're going to give people value. Where if you just give it to them, it's like, okay. Similar.

I think then automatically people feel it's valuable, right? Yeah. And so they, we did. And the pull training started out of layered wanting to be better in surfing and better in the water, but not wanting to swim, not liking doing laps. And also we're aging athletes. So how do we continue training at a very high level, ballistic motions, all these things without pounding your body.

I already have a fake knee, he has a fake hip. It's like, how do you do this? So it became a lab and there was like eight of us and there's like, let's try this. And then like my one daughter who's now 15 when she was five or six, she's like swimming from the bottom with a dumbbell, like a small dumbbell because we were doing stuff. And then she grabs and learns like, oh, so you mean if we took breaths in between,

we could prolong, sustain the set. And so it was like a real, it was really him, but we had all these friends, a lot of them still come and train at the house that we just tried stuff. That sounds so good. So basically you're doing weights in the, basically training like him,

you're doing weights in the water. Yes him. You're doing weights in the water. Yes, and it's a combination. So for example, we'll have things that are ballistic like okay multiple jumps But then it's like okay after the jumps you're gonna take the dumbbell and swim there and back under the water Now the only way to do it and not need a breath is To become Because if you're stressed out or like I need air and I'm freaking out, you burn more air. So it's task completion.

So there is a different element. So when we're talking about using training for some levels of even attempting to look at self mastery, even though none of us do it, especially if you live in the real world, it's like, oh, so here I have to be aggressive and ballistic and just like that. I've got to switch. Even your eye, like I'll give you the whole speech when we're together in two weeks, even your eyes get super narrow.

Because to look around and process information or to do this burns oxygen. You can't afford it. So you get super efficient and you go, I notice I'm uncomfortable. I notice I feel out of air, but I'm okay. And so when you get into these places, they teach you how, then you can bring that onto land. That's amazing. And then, but isn't there like a big piece

before the breath work, or that's kind of hard? Well, breath, depending. Like if we do the experiences, 100% breathing. So the, the, it's breathe, move, and recover. Breathing is the essence of life. Right. Period. None of us are doing it right, including me. And so it's like, oh, let's look at it. Wim Hof was a great catalyst. I love him.

Yes, he was an he was an incredible catalyst. And then Laird was being layered was like, cool, what's the science? Right. So then he hooked up with a gentleman named Patrick McEun, who wrote a book called The Oxygen Advantage, that really drills down on what happens. So it's very simple for people at home. For whatever reason, and about the last 200 years, we started mouth breathing. Now, sort of like doing sprints at a track

or some very quick, short burst, we should be nose breathing period. What happens when we nose breathe even though the entryway is about a third less air than our mouth, our CO2 rises in our system. That's when you're underwater swimming or you're holding your breath, what you meet first is your intolerance to CO2, not a lack of oxygen, like you think I'm out of air, you're not, you're intolerant to CO2. So the interesting thing is, so for breathing, and our CO2 is rising, the only way for the oxygen to go from your bloodstream into your cells and tissue is with the presence of CO2. So if you're

mouth breathing and scrubbing, you're actually over breathing under oxygenated. You'll find that when people nose breathe, their count maybe goes to half. Maybe six breaths a minute. And you teach this in next beat. Absolutely, you teach people how to up-regulate, go into your sympathetic, let's go get them wrong. I got a meeting, I got a game down-regulate. I want to go to bed, I'm stressed out,

and I realize I've probably game, down regulate. I want to go to bed, I'm stressed out, and I realize I've probably been holding my breath. Because most of us breathe into here, versus breathe into here. Women type A, people, super fit people. They don't even know how to push a lower stomach out. They're just holding. So it's even teaching them how to get the diaphragm

really engaged and pull that breath way down deep. So it becomes a three parts breath, sort of stomach ribs opening and expanding, making room for the lungs, and then opening here. And for cyclists for people who do a lot of bike writing or spinning, I would encourage them even more because that hunched over position compresses the ribs and you don't make room for the lungs. So what you do is instead of circular breathing, open, you end up doing vertical breathing. You lift to try to make room, because you're tight.

And what happens then is then the diaphragm and everything doesn't get to work correctly. That has to do with your digestion. That has to do with fight or flight. There's all kinds of things involved in this. So, hence, breathe, pretty important, move, we're built to move, doesn't mean kill yourself, just means move, have a moving practice, and then recover. And what that means is just not, oh, it took a day off, participate in your recovery.

So do breathing, do stretching, if you can get in a cold plunge or get into heat, so that you participate in boosting your recovery. Not just recovery? Correct. Well, one that you sort of go, I'm going to contribute. I'm going to put it on boost, if you will. Not just like, yeah, I took the day off. Right, right, right. And sometimes that's great too. So that's how you train to, in normal life, everyday life, and like today today for example, did you do anything today? Yeah. I did about a 48 minute sort of pretty rigorous land hit, hit training. Yeah. So is that so how do you train? I do that three days a week on land. You do hit training. So I need to wear your house or do I do it at my friend's house and when I was on Kauai, I used to actually teach a class for 80 to 100 people,

for like a dollar, and they were all on teams of six, and we're rolling. Do you wanna hear something really like a little fun fact? Yeah. Years ago, I think you did a program with 24 hours. 24 hours for it, yeah. Training, so I was gonna do a program that was, I do have one that's very similar.

Yeah. And they got yours instead of mine. Really? Yeah, it's okay. I could do it. I'd was I do have one that's very similar. Yeah, and they got yours instead of mine Really? I'm sorry. It's okay. I taught my 1200 times. That's why no, I think so I listen I was I was not offended. I actually kind of understood it was yeah They're like oh, sorry. We're gonna go with Gabby's program. It's okay. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm sorry. It's okay I forgive you okay At least I lost out to someone really good like you Thank you, and I and I was doing it only a community service. I want you to know that.

I was not making money. OK, no, no. I think it's, I use it as a classroom. But the program is really good. I love, I'm a hit person. Yeah. And so I love the program. But I remember that, like, from, was like five, four years ago.

Yeah. Exactly. Four years ago. Yeah. I remember that. So then you still do that. You still do live hits. I do that.

Yeah. And then I do the pool three days a week as well. And then I do the pull through three days a week as well. And then I'll throw in like, okay, an extra cardio. We do a lot of stand-up biking or lip-to-going because we have a hill. We need to eat. Oh, a lip-to-go. I love those things. But they also make a stand-up bike.

They do? Yeah. It's pretty bad ass and new. Wow, wait. And it's more, I'm gonna say it and people can tell whatever they want. It's more masculine. So for guys that don't want to be like going like this out there, they're like, I'm on my bike. I'm just standing up.

So how is it, where does it look like as a step? It's cool. It's super cool. It's just they put the positioning just enough so that it makes sense. It does it look so like silly stuff. Well, the other one's sliding, right? This is literally a standard bike.

I have one too. I lend it to my friend. But you have to go on a hill. If you ask me. The resistance for sure. Well, it's just the best way. Then you train and that posture's great in the glutes fire. So when you step off, you don't feel all cramped up

and jammed up and your hip flexors aren't tight. No, absolutely. So you do that how often? You know, like if I can get it in once or twice a week, if I can, sometimes it's like once every two weeks. Are you to do, are you, do you say you're a yoga person or not? I'm not a yoga person.

No, neither am I. I try every, I try. Shavasana kicks my ass. I'm like, oh my goodness. I'll talk like the breathing, because it's sort of like dynamic meditation. Do you run? No running.

People should not run unless they're barefoot, 80 pounds, or barefoot, and on the sand the sand soft surface people that are pound themselves around the city And I understand they don't have something else to do right especially if you live in a place like California where a lot of people live near something natural like a beach You won't be a superhero so you won't go as far and as fast But you will be kind to your body. Yeah. Running after the age of, I don't know, 33, unless you are built to run, there are people you see them and you go, you know what? There's one, there's one. There is body types. You see them. And they do it. Their bones are light. That's the

thing. It's their bones are light. Their mechanics are correct. And they're not pounding their joints. And there's very few people like that. Very few people. And when you see one, you're like, there goes one. Yeah, there's that one person. Yeah, it's true. I am a big runner. I only run on a wood way because it mimics.

Yep, it mimics. Even that's good because your foot releases behind you. Absolutely. Because most people are not releasing the foot and firing the glute. They're simply shuffling. That's exactly what it's like. And they're shortening.

There's a way, there's actually a way and a strategic way to properly run. Like you were saying. Those things are hard, by the way. They're amazing. They're amazing in the world. Yeah, I have one at my house. You do too.

I just look at it. It's cute to my gym. Well, you know, it's really... There's people who use it, it's just not me. Well, listen, it's funny, because today we're gonna Do our interview on to what we're gonna like run or anything. God knows it's so hot in here But like I thought since this all I'm at the all about activity and fitness obviously, right?

And health and activity. I thought it'd be cool if we were to like walk into like at one mile an hour Just kind of like not always be so sedentary Yeah, because I'm doing an hour, just to kind of like not always be so sedentary. Like, is that doing an hour just sitting here staring at each other? Mine as well like move, move, you know what I mean? Like kill two birds with one stone, but I didn't get them on time. So, you know, unfortunately, we're doing it like this.

We're really bad. Oh, I told you, aren't you dying? It's that so hot in here. It's not too bad. It's just, it is. It's a little. It's a little, it's good. It's a little warm. It's okay. A smidgen warm. Okay, so we have got a couple other things I wanted to ask you about. Well, actually, you kind of like covered a lot of the stuff. Like for you, for your audience, what is

important? I think happens in like basically like what you do, what you have done, what you still do to basically up your game or to be successful and to be who you are. I mean, you and Larry together. Well, keep to have Larry on as well because like you said he's a total beast. That's like a that's a whole other specimen. I mean, that's a whole but he's like, he's like, it's a very real thing. That's like to me and he's so but he's so authentic. Oh, it's so. That's it. But that's to me like

most people aren't built like that. Now this this is a this is a interesting combination. I mean I mean I met there when I was 25. I think that's why I was like I think I'm gonna marry I have to marry that guy. I think there's a I I don't know if I'm gonna meet another one like that but he's also he isn't he's also very very like it's this this great mix of hypermasculinity, and then which enables him then to be more loving, more sensitive. He's because he spends time in mother nature. He has a clarity. He's so clear. It's so clear to him. And I'm like, oh, lucky you, because he's connected to Mother Nature. So I use him a lot as a North Star, but what I would say to people is this. And it's not a new formula.

It's sometimes we have to back away. And I always say like, it's, I try once a day. Sometimes I blow it and I don't. It's just to back up and sort of survey my life and how I'm participating in my life and how the dynamics are with my relationships and my work life with myself and sort of go, okay, do I need to tweak anything? Should I ask you about that actually? Your relationship more? Oh, okay, yeah, and so and and just to kind of I guess what it is is how do we stay honest and clear

with ourselves on a daily, as a practice? It doesn't have to be a big thing, like I'm meditating on it for 18 minutes. No, I just take a look and go, how's it going? You're not spending enough time with your youngest daughter and like, or you've been snappy with her and this one over here, you know, whatever.

It's just kind of staying really clear. And then I think for me, if you don't talk about habits, is being willing to keep doing things, and I'm worse at this than learned, that I'm not comfortable with, that I'm not good at, and to keep learning and growing. Because I think, for me, if you say, hey, how can you keep doing this or whatever, it's because it has to reflect who you are and who you're becoming and who you hope to be, not who you were. And I think that that has been the most liberating thing for me because I've had pretty strong identities in my past and it would be very easy to feel like I want to keep doing it.

But it's impossible. And so why not keep sort of saying, well, who am I today? And who do I hope to grow into and and keep that going? Because then people will say things like, I mean, you've really reinvented yourself. I haven't really reinvented myself. I've just been living. Yeah, evolving as you live. That's it. But like how how is that like there's again like you have like some kind of like constitution that you seem very clear and very like real and focused and I guess for other people who don't have that ability. Yeah. How do they get to that place? Like what would we look at some some suggestions? I think you know listen I always say I try to share

stories I try not to give too much advice but what what I know to be true is life is very simple. And we've made it very complicated. And being from an island and married to somebody who's from an island that gets reinforced in my daily life. It's like connection, food, health. You've got to participate. You know, you have to contribute. What's your kids also? They see this as role models, right? Yeah, but our kids think we're knuckleheads and we don't know what we're talking about and we're uncool just like everyone else.

Our 24-year-old is just kind of saying some really weird nice stuff to us now, right now that trips me out. But are you kidding? No, I know, I'm kidding. No one gets worse when they're teenagers. It's like, that's why. And that actually, by the way, is for myself and for

layered. That is for us to grow from. Because also, your children, and we can be, I'm like, I am 30 something years older than all of them. What do they know more than I know? They're also there to provide me with a different point of you. Because my brain's hardwired a certain way.

I grew up in a certain generation. And so they're there actually if I'm willing and it's uncomfortable to look at the world also through their eyes to keep me connected to the way that the world is. Now versus the way the world has been for me. Well, now it's all about social media. Yeah, well, that's not, but that's a, that is a distraction. It's, so that's all about social media. Yeah, well, that's not, but that is a distraction. It's, so that's a distraction.

We're gonna distract. So for people who don't have it easily, I would say, can you keep it simple? For the other part of that is also clear communication with everyone. So even if it's a conflict, does it have to get to a certain point and I find us females have this harder,

like we have to finally get mad to go, I'm going to tell you how I feel. What you learn and certainly older is easier, 30, you start going, I'm going to drop off some information because I can see, sorry, to get upset. And just to like give yourself that right, but if you can do it in a loving way, I learned this a lot from Laird of like, this is how I'm feeling. I think you can avoid a lot of hassle in your life where you have these relationships where it's like, you know, you have all this like, I don't want to say stuff under the rugs, but it's like in all the relationships, can you keep everything clear? Because those take a lot of energy.

100%. Right. So clear the decks in your marriage or if you're in a romantic relationship of any kind like all the time take inventory. Yeah take inventory and and also go you know what like my partner has been busy and I see how hard they've been working and so I'm going to understand why they maybe are short with me. Like a passion. Yeah because if you can trace it, look at the action and go, I'm going to trace that action back to like, wow, man, they're dealing with a lot.

And they're also doing that for themselves, for their family, for me. I'm going to love and support them versus come at them and try to share with them and say also like, hey, is not only is there way to support you, I want you to know how much I appreciate how much you deal with,

but could we look at how it's coming out? Right, exactly. So I think for people who don't have it naturally, it's simplifying your life, writing down your values. Like what's important to you? What do you want? And then also you've got to put together a plan. I can do it now easily because I've done it so long,

but in the beginning write it down. How are you gonna get that done? And by the way, you cannot do it alone. So that means you have to build a system. It means you got to show up. Is it a trainer, is it a friend? Is it an appointment? Eight o'clock.

And that gets broken for nothing unless someone is going to the hospital. And it's like really sticking to it. And once they do 60 times or 60 days or whatever it's an even to form a new habit. Yeah, but by the way, for them to know that there's going to be parts of that that are never easy. There are things for me to this day and age, I'm not like, oh, this is so easy. No, it's a practice. And you understand the value of the practice so you commit to the practice. It's like being honest. Honest is not easier, but there's no.

It's absolutely true. There's no alternative. So I think, and it's also viewing yourself as somebody who can do that. I think they'll say, well, I'm not like that. Well, we're all not like anyway. We all just have to, we are sort of what we practice to be. At Croger, you can find the highest quality products

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you helps as well, right? Well, and be that. Because that, exactly. People learn a lot, like you were saying with your kids, what you do, people learn a lot from what they see, not from always what they hear all the time, right? So you see a good role model, you take that information in much more, I think you just kind of,

it goes into your DNA more than just like hearing someone talk. Oh, no, no. It's like my kids are not listening to me. They're only watching. And it's the same with layered, layered is all about action. And for him, it's like, I don't want to just show me. It doesn't mean that communication doesn't, it's not essential. It's essential.

But it's not about, well, I'm going to do this and that. No, do that. And then it's not about, well, I'm going to do this in that. No, do that. And then communication becomes something else, right? And I think it's also important, like, I have a lot of single male friends and they'll be like, oh, I don't meet girls in this. And then I'm like, yeah, but when you are the thing that you're looking for, they'll hear the signal.

And so I think it's important for people to be like, I really, I want to meet somebody or I want to have friends a certain way. Well, if you are these things, it will arrive. They will arrive. All of it will arrive. Right, I always say that, you know, water always finds its level. Like you always end up gravitating to who you are.

Right, so if you're not that person, then you're not gonna end up with that person. Never see that person. Yeah, right. That's why I probably you and Laird, even you guys met, got had this like you know love because there's some you guys have such similarities in your core it feels. Well I always joke that people think that we're tall and blonde and athletic and that's what we

have in common. No I don't think that. And it's really the way we grew up and the I think what we think is important and it's it's such so few things. It's this it's a simple things in life really. It's so few things you know and and I don't know I think sometimes that's not a sexy and it can even be boring but I think in the in the depths of your spirit it sort of makes you feel really good. And that doesn't mean by the way, we haven't gone through craziness in our family and with our kids and gone through heavy shit with our kids. Like believe me, it's not like we're living on the mountain and the sun is shining. And I never want to paint that picture, but it's just kind of like paying attention and

working at it. And I'll sort of, I've said this a lot. paint that picture, but it's just kind of like paying attention and working at it and I'll sort of, I've said this a lot, I wake up each day and I say, okay, I'm going to try my best and I'll try to earn it today. And I never assume like Laird Nile be married in a year. Really? No, because then it's like, oh, I got that. You never have any of it.

I don't have my health. I don't have my friendships. I don't have my marriage. You're going to work on everything. I'm not, I was a good parent while you were a baby, so I'm good. It's like, no, it's like I'm gonna work, and you know, some days I do it better than others. Believe me.

And especially as a parent, I think that I've really, that's been the, that's been the hardest one and the one that I'm always the most concerned about. Really? Yeah, because it's so important. It's the most important one.

It's the most important. And it's hard, especially when you're like a career person and you're ambitious and you're driven and you're kind of career, you're basically traveling, I would imagine all the time. Did you take them when they were little all the time? I never left my kids until they were three years old because they're like their babies. So they got to be with their mom. Yeah, and that's not easier, but also let me be clear. Let me be super clear about that.

I am very aware of what a luxury that was because there are most people that have to go to work and don't have that opportunity. So this is what I know. If people have to work hard and they're doing the best they can and they love their kids, and if they really screw up and they learn how to say sorry, even if the kids three years old, that's a really good start. You know, like Lerda said to me, like, you're here and you love them.

And I think sometimes on the days that we feel like, man, I maybe, because the best is like your kid turns 14, you're like, oh, I think I was screwed this up the whole 14 years, right? Like you do that. I think it's the really important reminder to go, okay, am I, am I going to be here? Am I willing to say when I blew it and am I willing to try more and to try better? And then just keep going because it will, it will's all gonna find its way right you know that's true I like that but it is isn't asking her for sure about 100% and then like you're in Hawaii you said six months of the year as a family right you we do but right now we're pivoting because my youngest daughter She needs a different environment and so we put her we just put her into regular school because at pretty hard school, she's a pretty bright kid and she needs stimulation. And my

middle daughter is dedicating all kinds of time to tennis now. So she needs to be here because Kauai is very rainy, not good for tennis. So we're pivoting because that's the other thing in life. Well, we do, this is what we do. Okay, cool. Now we're gonna do something different. Right. Could you have to, you got to pivot with time? You got to pivot. Yeah. You got to always pivot with what's happening in the moment. You got to. And just trust that, like, it's uncomfortable. And like, well, we'll usually, it's like, yep.

And it's gonna work out. You stay here with the kids. And then we'll go, like, the girls and I'll go, like, during the holidays and then layered if the big swell's coming, he'll fly over there. And it's just for, you know, if it's a couple of years, I don't know. we'll just see. Right, so then he's got to be by himself

for like a month or never that long. He won't stay away from his family that long. So what's the longest, most the longs you guys have been apart? Not very long. I mean, I think on in 20, almost 24 years, I can count like three times, two weeks. And then I think a week is max. Wow, that's amazing.

Cause Laird is very dedicated to his family. Yeah, sounds like it. Yes. He's like, I wish I could just like have dinner and have be sleep with you guys at night, like if he has to fly somewhere for a swell. But that's just the nature of. Well, he drove here, he's leading in the car for you.

I know, he's like, do you want to show for today? I was like, that's weird. Okay. No, because I try to listen. I let layered off the hook on everything Because I I want him to be his spirit to be free. I don't want him to be contained Because that's not who I married and that's not who I'm attracted to I'm attracted to the guy and so what happens is is then of course attracted to the guy. And so what happens is then, of course, he will give more. But I'm not here to bog him down with like domestic minutia. That is not good for a lot of men. Absolutely. And people can go, and that's not fair. And why do women, and it's like, okay, do we need to get into the biological conversation? I don't know.

You know what? So shouldn't you say, I agree with you. I think a lot of this is a lot of like, between the me two movement, I should even talk about this and like the, and like social media, and with that nested, is about women. I mean, there's so many like, well, women have objectified themselves more in this moment than they ever have. Take me seriously. Absolutely. Yes. So I think what it is is appreciating what's different, recognizing good behavior and bad behavior, whatever gender you are. Because the problem is I know too many very decent men as equally as women.

And so I'm not willing to take a whole group and say, that's bad. And also masculinity, whether it's expressed by men or women for that matter, I think it's so important for the world. Think about it. Like, it's expressed by men or women for that matter, I think is so important for the world. Think about it, like, it's human nature, healthfulness, protectiveness. You know, it goes on and on about the traits that are important, and me as a pretty strong woman, I have experienced what it's like to have somebody who,

it goes out of my realm of being able to handle it, and layered right there. Like, oh, the house is gonna burn down, layered fights the fire. It goes out of my realm of being able to handle it and layered right there. Like, oh, the house is going to burn down. Lared fights the fire. Oh, it's flooding in Kauai and layered like four in the morning leaving, going on a boat to go go pull people off a roof. I don't have that capability.

It doesn't mean there aren't women who don't. I'm not suggesting that. All I'm saying is it's about recognizing when you see a trait in its realness, it's important to covet and to encourage because it's a beautiful thing as is femininity. So for me, I don't get caught up in any of that. It's just good behavior, bad behavior. If people are doing the same job, they should get paid the same, whatever that is. Everything else, there's so much nuance and biological stuff that I think it's important to understand some of it so that we, I just think we're still kind of animals. Yeah. And not to move away from it and not to say, hey, I have three daughters. You don't think

I want them to go and kick some serious ass in the world. Of course they do. They're animals. I love it, but They know how to be their nurture and that's their choice if they say hey, I don't want to have a family I'm gonna become a federal judge and that's gonna be my life. I'll be like great first figure out how to make yourself happy But it's not about blaming a group fully Because the people who are here right now they're not the ones who set that up. I, I, 100% you know, so I think it's all that, but, but that's also a very nuanced conversation,

which is probably pretty hard to have right now. It's, it's a really, yeah, it's a very nuanced conversation, but people aren't into nuance right now. They don't like nuance, they like very much black and white and this is this and this is that, but I also, I'm a big believer in human nature. I think people are, there's a lot of, like you're saying, your husband, he's, in my opinion, he's very masculine. Yeah.

So why try to domesticate, like it would, exactly. It's not natural. Because he's the guy that before I even hang up the phone, I have a friend called saying like, I'm in an accident. I even hung up the phone and Lerid is gone. Yeah. Going to help. And so for me, and it's not about men having to be that way, it's just about if you are

that way. Yeah. And, and also as women, be strong, but for me personally, once I get into my personal dynamic, I wanted to express myself a little differently. Yeah. And that's not to say it couldn't be flipped. Right. differently. Yeah. And that's not to say it couldn't be flipped. Right? Also, I think when you have such a masculine energy like him, automatically, you'll go into a more

feminine role, right? Because not, I'm just saying, you'll be fighting or you'll be combating. That's what I'm saying. There has to be a gain to a gain. Yeah. But he has also like, I do my part. And he does his part. Right. But he's responsible for that. I'm not here to tell him how to be. And that's the key too. Like I'm not here to tell Laird how to be. Laird, I'm gonna be my best self and hopefully that inspires and motivates him. And I see him on his side,

like bringing his very best and that's how it works. And I think the mistake is when we try to go like, well, if you do this, then I'll do that. It's like, well, no, I'm gonna do this. And if you choose not to go up and do it, then guess what? I'm probably gonna split. Right, exactly. It's the way it is.

And also, the people that have a lot of time what they'll do is they'll try to tweak and change that person to meet what they need when that's not really like, it's an uncomfortable place for the other person. Well, there's resentment. And then also usually like, if I changed it all the ways you thought I wanted to change

you wouldn't want to be with me anyway. Exactly. You wouldn't be attracted to him anymore. Yeah. Because like you said, what you were attracted to was a certain kind of person. Totally. And you want him to stay in that person. Yeah.

So I think the habit is to realize, focus on the things you can control. I love that you keep on like, you're like going right back to the message point. What's your show? I'm just going to be a benefit to you, but I'm just saying, I think for me, like if I haven't learned anything in this world, and even when it comes to my children, I will say, focus doesn't mean I don't mess around and worry about all this other crap that I'm actually not in control of. I admit that freely I lose sleep over it. However, ultimately it still comes back to, okay, what am I really in charge of? And what can I participate in and how can I make this better and what's my responsibility in this and

and just you know go from there. Yeah, Well, I think you've been a great guest. Oh, well, thanks. You're so sweet. No, that's the truth. I mean, you're very open, you're honest. You gave a lot of great tips and tricks and told us a lot about your relationship dynamic, which I think is super, like I might be, very,

I'm super interested because both of you are in my social similar and it's interesting to hear the dynamic of the world. I'm very different. both of you are in my social similar and it's interesting to hear the dynamic I'm very different and yet very different like lard is much more sensitive and kind in loving than I am Wow, I am much more linear and you seem pretty nice and kind to me I am but like when it's like 12 and my 11 year old's like will you come down on the lower bed and lay with me? I'm like no lard goes every single time. Wow. So when it comes down to it, you know,

that makes me come down to like, he's the mushy, sweet, kind, loving. Well, God bless him. He's been sitting in the car for like an hour and a half. We need for you. I better go. So I'm not. And I will say one last thing for people,

the most important thing, really, is one thing for whatever reason, maybe because I wasn't taught differently. Ultimately, if I've had any sort of success or stuff in the world, it's really because I did it as who I am. And so I think what's really important for people, especially if they're going to try to physical practice, fitness, they start looking at pictures and bodies and all this stuff, make sure you're lined up with who you are.

Because if I was training and looking at a girl who was 110 pounds and a size two or whatever, I'd be perpetually frustrated, right? So it's also about like really drilling down on who am I? What do I think I do well? What are the things I'm going to be working on? And go from there because when we're just trying to fit into something we see, I think that is a really, that's a tough thing and an end to thing.

I don't think ends great. I love that you said that at the end because that's my whole entire philosophy with life. Like stop trying to fit into something like a circle into a square, right? You're the best version of yourself and have realistic goals with who you are and what you're about. That's right. Right? And don't try to be like my first book, second book, third book, all about the fact that

all these people are trying to be, if you're a size four, you want to be a size two. If you're a size two, you want to be a size zero. Why don't you have a goal? Like, I want to be strong. And then you achieve that. Yeah. Well, that gives you the confidence and the mental the mental like the mental sexiness that will then become physically. It'll manifest itself. That's right. And I think that that's an energy that people will undervalue. Wow, they look like they feel pretty good and like you know they feel good about themselves or like

self-confidence. They've got something going and they're pretty up like most times they see them they're pretty positive like that's attractive. And most it something going and they're pretty up. Like most times they see them, they're pretty positive. Like, that's attractive. And most, it's the most attractive quality. It is. It's times of research basing on that. Like, it doesn't matter if you're beautiful or average or fat or skinny.

Everything you look at, what super-seems everything is confidence. That's right, every single time. Yeah, because that's the most beautiful. That's what people gravitate to. And you can look at your fine lines. I do that too. But you know, don't make that your thing. Or you can be like, you can be accepting of your thing, but also be like, okay, I'm like five six and I look like this. I'm going to make it the best five six body. You know what I mean? Yeah. On a six three, whatever. I could take you to the moment right

down the block from your house. And you could shop with me and be like, oh my God, I can't believe one thing in the store doesn't fit you. Yep. Well, I mean, like, yeah. No, I'm just saying. I can imagine. Yes.

So, you know, it's like, you would just roll with it. You're like, all right, size 12 foot. Okay, Google that. That's right. That's 100%. So I love it. You said that. Thank you so much.

Really, like I said, you're like an amazing guest. Would you come back sometime? Yeah, as long as you don't make me go on a treadmill after I've trained. Okay, I will. And also, like I promise to invite you back. That's like some air conditioning. I know. You're just messing with me. Like, yeah. How you handling that? Is it your infrared sauna? Are you really from the Caribbean? Yeah. A lot of heat nights, huh? Exactly. Thank you so much. Gabby had to find you. Oh, don't worry. They can find me Gabby Reese with a CRECE I'm not you're not really promoting anything anyway. I'm not really big self-promoter It's probably the down one of my major down well

I think you've done pretty well with yourself without that self-promotion. Thank you. I don't know I don't like to have your career. It's working out. Yeah, working up just fine. Thank you, everyone YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week, we dive into a new topic like the Art of Side Hustles, how to level up your

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