Habits and Hustle - Episode 390: Lee Trink: Are We Raising a Generation That Can’t Handle Real Life? Discover What’s Holding Them Back

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

Are today’s kids being set up for success, or are we making them too "soft" to handle real challenges? In a world full of participation trophies, helicopter parenting, and an overprotective culture,... the question arises: are we failing to prepare the next generation to face adversity? In this episode, I sit down with Lee Trink to discuss whether today’s parenting methods are doing more harm than good. We dive into why resilience is critical for success and how kids might be missing out on crucial life skills. Are we over-sheltering them, and what can we do to fix it? You won’t want to miss this eye-opening conversation. Lee Trink, former CEO of FaZe Clan, is a Gen Z expert and leader who has worked extensively with young talent, helping them succeed in high-pressure environments. With his experience, he brings valuable insights on how we can teach kids to be resilient in a world that's becoming increasingly soft. We Also Discuss: (00:01) - Generation Z Softness Concerns (04:08) - The Softening of Future Generations (13:46) - The Importance of Likability (24:35) - Qualities of Likability in Individuals (36:33) - The Power of Likability and Comedy (41:16) - Missed Opportunities in Podcasting Thank you to our sponsors:  Therasage: Head over to therasage.com and use code Be Bold for 15% off  TruNiagen: Head over to truniagen.com and use code HUSTLE20 to get $20 off any purchase over $100. Magic Mind: Head over to www.magicmind.com/jen and use code Jen at checkout. BiOptimizers: Want to try Magnesium Breakthrough? Go to https://bioptimizers.com/jennifercohenand use promo code JC10 at checkout to save 10% off your purchase. Timeline Nutrition: Get 10% off your first order at timeline.com/cohen Air Doctor: Go to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code HUSTLE for up to $300 off and a 3-year warranty on air purifiers.  Find more from Lee Trink: Website: fazeclan.com Instagram: @leetrink X: @leetrink Instagram: @fazeclan Find more from Jen: Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen Books: https://www.jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://www.jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagements Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it! Before we dive into today's episode, I first want to thank our sponsor, Therisage. Their Tri-Lite panel has become my favorite biohacking thing for healing my body. It's a portable red light panel that I simply cannot live without. I literally bring it with me everywhere I go. And I personally use their red light therapy to help reduce inflammations in places in my body where honestly I have pain. You can use it on a sore back, stomach cramps,
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Starting point is 00:01:37 Welcome to this solo duo episode that we're doing today with my friend, Lee Trink. Hi. Hello, Lee. How are you, Jen? Thanks for having me. You're welcome. Lee teases me. Thanks for inviting me to your solo. You're welcome. He keeps on teasing me because he said it's not a solo.
Starting point is 00:01:49 I'm sitting here. What do I know? I know. But like I said in an earlier episode that it's more to have someone to kind of debate with and go back and forth than we used to call them solo. So you're right. Just thank you for joining me on this shorter episode. My pleasure. Today's topic is gonna be on likability. And this is why. It's my belief that in order to achieve
Starting point is 00:02:16 your most ambitious goals, no matter what they are, before you have the grit, before you have the tenacity, before you have the grit, before you have the tenacity, before you have the boldness, the precursor to any of that is likeability. Because if you're not likable, you're unable to have the boldness, let's say, to get away with certain things or to ask for certain things because people will be less likely to help you if they're not likeable. So, my first question to you, that's my opinion. I think likeability is the precursor for everything. Would you tend to agree or disagree? So I agree, but I think likeability takes on many
Starting point is 00:02:59 forms. And also, if you're too likeable, then it actually doesn't work in your favor because people I think treat you like a doormat, right? Like I think defining what likability is is important. I think the other thing I would say about people is some people like assholes. You've done well. I mean, look, there are plenty of people that would call me an asshole. I'm sure. I was going to say, you know what, there's always an anomaly.
Starting point is 00:03:25 I mean, it's true. No, it's true. But I would also say that like- Do you think you're an asshole? No, I don't think I'm an asshole, but I bet there are people who think I'm an asshole. Why? Why do you think people think you're an asshole? I don't know, because I think that I'm confident and sometimes people will confuse confidence
Starting point is 00:03:42 for arrogance. And I don't think I'm arrogant, but I think that I'm confident and I think I own my own shit and believe me, I'm very far from perfect, but I own my own shit. And you know what it is about you? You're aloof. I am aloof. That's the word aloof. I think people mistake arrogance for aloofness.
Starting point is 00:03:59 Like you could be aloof and people think you're arrogant. Yeah, it depends on the context too, right? Okay. But do you think your aloofness or quote unquote arrogance, let's just say, has worked to your advantage? I think it's probably a mixed bag. I don't think I've ever suffered from a likeability problem, right? I think that whatever it is, the full composite is interesting enough. Like I think sometimes being interesting and maybe magnetism is another quality. Maybe it's a component of likeability or maybe it's a counterbalance, right? Because I think if there are people, and forget about me, I don't want to sit here and talk about me, but just thinking about people that other people
Starting point is 00:04:41 gravitate towards, right? I think that there's sometimes magnetism in those people that comes with some other stuff that maybe if you talk about those traits are not that likable. Like maybe part of the reason I say that is where my background working with a lot of musicians and rock stars, like that is magnetism. Likability is kind of not, their rules of likability are not the same for regular
Starting point is 00:05:06 people. And I think that that also is the same for people in general. Like likabilities can take on different forms. Okay, I'll tell you something that's interesting. So I listened to Jared Leto on Leto, sorry, on Smart List the other day. I think I told you. So just quickly, Lee used to manage like still. I helped break 30 seconds to Mars as an artist. Right. And Kid Rock and a bunch of these people, Katy Perry, a bunch. But I was going to say, I listened to Jared and he was very likeable on the Smartless podcast. Why? And this is where I'm going to get into it. I found him to have a lot of humility. He had a sweet, he sounded to have like a softness and a sweetness about him. And he had this like aw shucks type of thing.
Starting point is 00:05:50 And he also portrayed a good work ethic. So if that, to me, that's what made him feel likable. Now I know just as well as you do that perception is not always reality and optics are optics. But if he's going for being likable, I think those are really key touch points to have. And so at least he knows, he has a wherewithal to know that to be likable, he has to have these certain things.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Now, I guess my first question is, is he really those things? Oh, I think so. Look, he's, I would also say he's one of the toughest guys I've ever worked with, right. But he's also one of the most hardworking. So, you know, there are things that balance each other out, right? Like, again, really difficult, but has a point of view, and is able to deliver and does the work himself. So like, you know, I say, Okay, I'll take, I'll take the sum of those parts. Okay. So that's interesting, right? So then let's break it down. Like what, in your opinion,
Starting point is 00:06:50 do you think makes somebody likable? I think different. I think that there's not a one size fits all in likability. I think some people make that all shock. I don't think he's an all shocks likable, likable guy. He was on that podcast. I will tell you, I should, I should listen to it. I told you, listen to it. Because he came across, I mean, he's like a mega,. I mean look. He was on that podcast. I will tell you. I mean it's interesting. I should listen to it. I told you to listen to it. Yeah, I know, I know. Because he came across. But I mean, he's like a mega,
Starting point is 00:07:08 like the guy is like an Oscar winning, you know, actor and rock star, like, you know. And the most beautiful human being on the planet. The guy's 52 years old. You can't get further away from aw shucks than. No, no, no. But look, he's not, and I also think in a way he's gotten nicer in some ways
Starting point is 00:07:29 because he's accomplished so much and I think that also helps, right? Like if you're talking about the ultra successful. He came a long way from my so-called life, number one. Okay, like that was definitely not like he, like we all probably, like me as a girl, like we all have the biggest crush on him we thought would never see him again. Like he looked like he all probably, like me as a girl, like we all have the biggest crush on him. We thought we'd never see him again.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Like he looked like he was a one hit thing that just with a pretty face. Next thing, who knew he was like this amazing actor, this amazing musician. And by the way, on that podcast, he was talking about how he climbed the Empire State Building. Like, I mean, like it's like, but legit, like climbed it. But the reason why I'm saying that is,
Starting point is 00:08:06 let's just take it back a second, because I think that you think, you think, I should say, you think that there's a whole different, like, soup of, a variety of different qualities that makes somebody likable, depending on the situation. I still believe, you're right. I believe- Yeah, I think whatever the 100% of likability is,
Starting point is 00:08:23 there's a dozen different traits. You can have one of them, three of them, six of them, in whatever combination, and you make it work as a package. Okay, so let's just say there's a menu, right? I still think there's foundationally things that make people likable. And the reason why I'm bringing this up is because I think that if someone is not that likable,
Starting point is 00:08:44 they can improve their likability The reason why I'm bringing this up is because I think that if someone is not that likable, they can improve their likability by working on some core elements. I agree with that. Okay? So one of the elements that I think that makes somebody exceptionally likable is enthusiasm. If someone brings enthusiasm to a situation or positivity, automatically they're going to be more likable than someone who's a negative Nellie. That's the first thing.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Okay. I think the second thing is humility. That's why when Jared Leto showed humility to me, I found it to be something that I like took note of. I think, you know, the idea that you're not braggadocious, that you have a humbleness about you, I think it's very, very attractive. And it doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl.
Starting point is 00:09:25 The other thing I think is super likable is someone who's very generous, generous with your time, generous with not just, not money, but just like generous in like your thoughts and your time and always available to be generous to help somebody. Those are some of them. I mean, there's other ones as well. So I want to, I want to push back on some of those, on the requirement of, if you're saying those are like requirements for like ability answers.
Starting point is 00:09:49 No, not requirements. Those are, they're key. The kind of foundational core, yeah. And there's other ones too. I think there are other ones too. Like let me give you an example of one trait that can make up for deficiency and even like the wrong direction of some of those traits.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Sense of humor. I think if you have a sense of humor, you can, that makes up for a lot of things. First of all, people, they can't help themselves. If you can make somebody laugh, you disarm them from a lot of things. And so if you are somebody with no humility, but you have a good sense of humor,
Starting point is 00:10:25 it's just disarming enough and people will like you despite the fact that there are traits that they dislike about you. Totally true. Name somebody that you think of. Like think of somebody that you know who has a really good sense of humor, but like is kind of like an asshole.
Starting point is 00:10:40 Look, I'm gonna go back to just well-known. You? No, I mean, I think I use humor sometimes to do that. I'm not as funny as I used to be. That's a whole other podcast. But I'm going to pick, you know, instead of picking a, you know, Joe Schmo that nobody knows, I'll pick somebody that people know, like Kid Rock. Kid Rock is funny. Kid Rock can also be a huge asshole. And now, look, if putting aside the rockstar factor
Starting point is 00:11:10 that nobody can just add on to themselves, right? Which also kind of masks, people tolerate a lot of stuff, but even forget about that. Let's talk about like our friends who that rockstar part doesn't really matter much to them. But he can be an asshole, but his antidote to that is he is funny. He's really funny. And that is a counterbalance. And he's not always an asshole. And he happens to have some of those other traits that you talk about.
Starting point is 00:11:36 He is generous. He's generous with his friends. He's generous with his time. He's generous with his money in being a philanthropist, although he doesn't talk, but I think if we're talking about humor, he uses humor really well. Frankly, even Jared, Jared is funnier than most people would think he is, because that's not what he portrays his life. What he leads with is not humor. Sometimes, and I would even say that about me,
Starting point is 00:12:02 like I don't necessarily lead all the time with humor. Some people might find it surprising that I'm funny or that I think I'm funny. Yeah, I would never describe you as funny, but you're humorous. Like you could be, like very, I know when you're in a good mood because you're more levity to you,
Starting point is 00:12:21 but that's another one, levity. I think when people have levity, but I think the people have levity, but I think the sense of humor to me is such a good one. Yeah, you don't need it to be likable, but boy is it great in your bag of drugs. That's a really true, okay, name another one. Another trait?
Starting point is 00:12:36 Yeah. Maybe this is related to funny, but it's not. If you're like, I have, there's a friend of mine now that he's just fun. He's a guy- Do I know him? When you're sitting, my buddy Joe. I a friend of mine now that is just fun. He's a guy. And you're sitting. Do I know him? My buddy Joe.
Starting point is 00:12:48 I don't know if you've ever met him. I know you talk about him all the time. I don't know him. So, like, he's a guy that you could sit at, you know, sit at a table and he'll turn whatever these objects into a game, right? He does things like that all the time. And it's silly and it's goofy.
Starting point is 00:13:01 And it's not like, he's just fun. He's always looking for fun. And he's somebody people gravitate to. He's by the way, he's a huge pain in the ass, huge. He's one of the biggest pains in the asses that I know. And people tolerate it from, they tolerate things from him that they don't tolerate from anybody. I'm talking about, I'm really doxing, you know,
Starting point is 00:13:19 I'm doxing my friend, but all my friends would agree. We tolerate things from Joe because he's fun to be around. Even if he makes it excruciatingly difficult. Even to coordinate time with. Okay, I thought, you know what? I didn't say one that I think is really important is authenticity. I think if someone has authenticity, they're a real person
Starting point is 00:13:41 that is automatically likable in a real way. Cause like what I was gonna say earlier was that if you're funny and have a great sense of humor, yeah, like you're super likeable to someone maybe on the surface, like, oh my god, I love them, they're so funny. And so like, I would like to hang out with them or like they I get a kick out of them. But like, would I take it a step further and actually want to be really close friends with them? That's like a different level of likeability. So I think when someone is actually authentic and real, that like makes somebody not just likable, but someone that you really, really wanna invest time in
Starting point is 00:14:13 and build a friendship and relationship with. I think part of it is consistency, right? Like authenticity is kind of akin to consistency. It means that like who they purport to be is who they really are. So you're not gonna get some random, you're not gonna get some volatile personality or some differing personality.
Starting point is 00:14:32 So you feel more confident investing time in them because you're like, this is the genuine article. This is this person. And also it makes you, I think it's part of magnetism, right? People gravitate to authenticity and people reward it, right? People reward authenticity in a world that's kind of increasingly, you know,
Starting point is 00:14:53 Instagram versus reality. Phony, exactly. Okay, so what qualities would you say make someone really unlikable, besides phoniness? Yeah, I think phoniness is one of the worst, right? Like if people think you're phony, most people are just out. Unless they need you, unless they need you, most people are out.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Do you know what I think is really a dislikable quality? I think pretentiousness. I think it's such an ugly quality. And why there's such a disconnect for me is that like so much of Instagram and social media is based around this like pretense that you have a lot of money that you have a plane that you have like this nice house, when all of these things could be rented by the hour, and most
Starting point is 00:15:33 people know it. And yet they're being applauded for these things. Like, I guess the disconnect for me is like, the pre even though pretentious pretentious people are such an unlikable trait, it's been like glamorized with social media. I don't get it. So I'm gonna play a little devil's advocate because there's not a one size fits all.
Starting point is 00:15:55 There are plenty of pretentious people who hang out amongst themselves. That that's the language they use. It's like they're peacocking for each other, right? And they're, you know, I would say there's probably country clubs that are like filled with pretentious people and not to paint with a broad brush. That's so true though, you're right.
Starting point is 00:16:16 And they kind of like birds of a feather flock together. Yeah, they flock together, right? So like then it becomes like, you know. Are you pretentious? I don't think so. I think I'm not, I think I'm earnest. But I-
Starting point is 00:16:28 Poor Lee, he's in a hot seat. No, but look, I think that, I think I'm misunderstood by a lot of people, but it doesn't, it also, I'm not really, it doesn't concern me because it's never slowed. I think whatever the composite of what I am is interesting enough for people. I have no shortage of friends, no shortage of opportunities. And so if any of those things are a
Starting point is 00:16:50 problem, they're a problem for me and things in my own head, rather than an obstacle to anything. But I don't think I'm pretentious. I think that I think that I'm actually quite earnest and and, you know, I think almost the what is a sign of being not pretentious, which I think is something that I do constantly is I'm self-deprecating. Back to Jared Leto, he's extremely self-deprecating and that's disarming for people. Yes. So that's, okay, so let's say that, let's like leave it with that.
Starting point is 00:17:18 So is Kid Rock to some extent self-deprecating. So I think that, I think that's a really, that's a really great one too. Being self-deprecating. So I think that's a really great one too. Being self-deprecating disarms people. So I guess at the end of the day, what makes somebody likable is their ability to be self-deprecating enough to disarm, or not self-deprecating, sorry, is their ability to be disarming enough. Like you could have, basically you could have any negative quality, but if you are disarming enough, then you can get away with it. I go back to what I said before. There are a dozen, maybe there's 20 traits. And as long as your cocktail tastes good at the end, whatever ingredients you pull in and counterbalance your
Starting point is 00:18:00 flaw, look, we all have flaws. We all have things that we don't like about ourselves, maybe other people don't like about us, but if you can kind of mix that cocktail in a way that tastes good for people, that's it. And it means that you don't, you know, you can have a glaring hole in that list, even in some of the foundational ones, if you've got this other trick up your sleeve
Starting point is 00:18:23 that you're great at, like again, the humor. Humor like almost will cover, like, if you're like almost other trick up your sleeve that you're great at, like again, the humor. Humor like almost will cover it. Like almost the funnier you are, and I'm not talking about slapstick or like slip on a banana peel funny, like that's not what people value, but if you're funny enough, that genuinely can make up for so many shortcomings.
Starting point is 00:18:41 And look, frankly, if you think about comedians, comedians tend to be, put me again, painting with a broad brushstroke, fairly damaged people. Oh, totally, I agree. Like if you talk to people that have personal relationships with or romantic relationships with comedians, they'll give you chapter and verse
Starting point is 00:19:00 about what a nightmare somebody is. But being funny as hell covers up for a lot of it. 1000%. By the way, did you, I think, I don't know if you knew this or not, but I moved to LA because I got a job to work with a comedy manager because my biggest obsession is like standup comedy. I love comedy more than anything. I love to laugh. I love standup. And I moved to LA. I was working with a really big agency, a very well-known one and a big comedy manager. I literally lasted seven days and that was even too long because the actual business of it and what you really, when you peel back the curtain or you peel back the whatever that is,
Starting point is 00:19:41 the onion, whatever, and you see what actually happens in these people's real lives. It's so different than what you think. You think because they're hilarious on stage, they're gonna be hilarious. Oh my God. And sometimes they are and sometimes they're not. Mostly they're depressed and difficult and super neurotic that I literally was like,
Starting point is 00:20:00 okay, I'm out. I wanna do this as a hobby, as a pastime, but not as a job because of that. It's funny, if I think back of like one of the things I've missed in my career is that I would have loved to participate in, and it's never too late, but it's comedy. Like I'm a student of comedy.
Starting point is 00:20:15 I like the math of comedy. I think comedy is math to some extent. I like the, I never thought of myself as a standup comedian. Like that's not the direction I don't think that, but the business of comedy and comedy, I'm infatuated with comedy and I've always thought back and said, man.
Starting point is 00:20:34 You can still do it. Of course, yeah. Yeah, I almost joined Groundlings late in like a decade, like less, maybe less than 10 years ago. Why didn't you ever do it then? I was busy, I was busy, but yeah. You could do it now. I suppose I'm busy now too.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Well, you'll always be busy. I mean, this is a whole, we're gonna do a whole, but you know what, our next podcast is gonna be about that. About comedy? Yeah, or about like- Or about missed opportunities. Missed opportunities. Yeah, I don't even know if it's,
Starting point is 00:20:57 I don't wanna call it a missed opportunity. I would just say a road not traveled, right? Like, you know, I have another, a good idea for a podcast for us, although I actually started thinking about writing a book about traveled, right? Like, you know, I have another, a good idea for a podcast for us, although I actually started thinking about writing a book about it, but. Really? Okay, well we should do it then.
Starting point is 00:21:11 Okay, well Lee, we gotta wrap this cause they're supposed to be short solos slash duos. So guys, if you are listening to this podcast, by the way, if you've not subscribed yet to the podcast, please do so, leave a review. That always helps us with rankings. So I would really appreciate if you can do that. And always leave a feedback comment, whatever, because I'm always very curious to hear what you have to say. And thank you. And if you have any suggestions,
Starting point is 00:21:37 always give me a suggestion. Thank you for being on the podcast. Absolutely. Thanks for having me. And bye.

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