Habits and Hustle - Episode 534: The Real Reason Why Most People Don’t Change

Episode Date: March 6, 2026

Most people say they want change, but their behavior tells a different story. Over time, repetition hardens into identity, and once something feels like who you are, the brain works to preserve it. We dive deeper into this in the latest Habits & Hustle episode.  We also chat about why comfort is more addictive than failure, how social circles punish growth, and why waiting to feel ready keeps you stuck in the same loop. If you’re serious about high performance and behavioral change, this episode forces you to look at the patterns you keep protecting. What’s Discussed: (06:19) Why change threatens identity more than failure (08:58) Comfort is more addictive than failure (09:12) How social circles quietly punish growth (11:27) Positive peer pressure and surrounding yourself with doers (18:51) How complacency turns into resentment (22:04) When comfort kills resourcefulness and ambition (23:03) Why the story in your head feels worse than reality Thank you to our sponsors: Rho Nutrition: Try Rho Nutrition today and experience the difference of Liposomal Technology. Use code JEN20 for 20% OFF everything at https://rhonutrition.com/discount/jen20. Prolon: Get 30% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit https://prolonlife.com/JENNIFERCOHEN and use code JENNIFERCOHEN to claim your discount and your bonus gift. Therasage: Head over to therasage.com and use code Be Bold for 15% off  Air Doctor: Go to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code HUSTLE40 for up to $300 off and a 3-year warranty on air purifiers. Magic Mind: Head over to www.magicmind.com/jen and use code Jen at checkout. Momentous: Shop this link and use code Jen for 20% off  Manna Vitality: Visit mannavitality.com and use code JENNIFER20 for 20% off your order  Amp fit is the perfect balance of tech and training, designed for people who do it all and still want to feel strong doing it. Check it out at joinamp.com/jen  Find more from Jen:  Website: https://jennifercohen.com Instagram: @therealjencohen Books: https://jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagement

Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it. Welcome to another solo episode of Habits and Hustle. And I am joined by the one and only Shawnee, Suisa, who is like a sister to me. And for those of you who don't remember or weren't listening to me at the time, Shawnee used to do a lot of solos with me until she got to be really famous and successful. And she would be the best foil. She would sit there and like gab with me. And it was so fun. And like I said, now she's too cool for school. But I was able to snag her a few more times.

So I appreciate you being here. Thank you, Shawnee. Thank you. Too cool for school is true. Famous. That's not getting carried away. She has a sparkling personality and very funny. Okay, so today's topic is the real reason why most people don't change.

That's the topic we're talking about today. And guess what? It's not laziness. What is the real reason? Well, I want you to tell me what you think the reason is. But I do think people change. Okay, well, then this is why you're my foil. Okay, so the first reason why people don't change is that change threatens your identity. That's what I believe to be the case. And I shouldn't just say, it's what my belief is, it's what a lot of the research has shown. That makes a lot of sense. I think people get, I think that's why people also move or they feel a sense of freedom

when they do move to a new city because they aren't linked to necessarily the same identity that they were so tied to. I think that staying stuck feels safer than changing because that's unfamiliar. And I think unfamiliarity is really scary for people. So they rather just stay where they are out of the, because that feels safer. So it's kind of like the devil you know versus the devil you don't know.

I don't even think that people are so much afraid of failure is that they're just afraid of outgrowing their old self sometimes because of what that represents. I guess. I feel like people change a lot, though. Think about some of your oldest friends. Are they still the same? A lot of people are the same, actually.

Really? Yes. I think that a lot of people that I've met, And I think you're, I think that what happens is people stay in comfortable situations because it's comfortable, not because they're happy. People, I don't, how many people do you know, truthfully, who are happy versus being baseline content, like, not even content being okay? I think I know a lot of happy people, whether they're happy more than they're sad is a different story. but I have a question for you. So are you saying people don't change in the sense

that their personalities and who they are doesn't change or that they don't change their circumstances? I think circumstances. I actually agree with that more. I feel what I was saying is that I think just people, they change personalities a lot. Like I think people really become, I don't know, it just depends who you're hanging out with at that time.

Like people really morph and I've seen it so many times. This is what I believe. Let me just finish the whole thought and then we can talk about. How about that? Okay. Okay. I think the reason why people, most people don't change, there's really four, maybe five reasons. The first is I think that change does threaten your identity. I think comfort is actually more addictive than failure. I think people wait for certainty that never comes. I think that's a big one. I think social circles punish your growth. So depending on who you socialize with, that will, that will determine a big. piece if you're growing or not. And people confuse motivation for readiness. I think people are always waiting for motivation, which never comes. And they think that they're not ready because they're not motivated. So I think that those are the main reasons why people don't change. And then there's a lot of like sub points underneath that. But that to me would be what I believe is. And I think the one, the big one that we

talk about and we hear a lot in the ether is about motivation, right? Because I don't know anybody who's ever done anything that was, you know, ready to go. Usually there's a lot of like ambivalence and apprehension all the time. But it's the people who don't rely on feeling ready that actually change things and do things. So that's my, those are mine. I mean, I think I could be maybe leaving some out, but I think that overall, that's what I. I believe. What do you think? I hear that. I think I just come from a very travelery world. So I see people making big shifts a lot. But I also see people who stay very comfortable in really horrible situations a lot. And I don't know. I think also, I think that a lot of times, well,

besides what I just said, I think really surrounding yourself with doers is really important. Surrounding yourself with doers, I think, can mitigate a lot of your issues when it comes to change and comfort and being, you know, being stuck. And not yes people. Like, you don't want yes friends who are just going to tell you that everything is fine. Actually, what I was going to say is that that's a different point. I think when you're around doers, it actually, it gives you the confidence and the, like, the motivation, if you want to call it or whatever that word is, to do something to. because if someone else is doing it in your social circle, then you feel like you should too. It's like positive peer pressure.

Yes. Right? It's positive peer pressure. So if you're around the right social group, you can get a lot of positive peer pressure because their positive actions or just activity will inspire you to make the same kind of strides. Just like people who are in the wrong social groups can give you the negative peer pressure. 100%. I think I've surrounded myself with really tremendous people. So I'm seeing a lot of people who make some really great moves. So that's why, so that's interesting. So like because your perspective,

well, you're also very positive, Polly, you know, like, which is always interesting when I have you on here. Because, I mean, what I always remember with you, we always had this like very like, this banter that was kind of like combative. Because if I say black, you'll say white. If I say go, you'll say. stop. No, you just have a much more like... I have a much more black and white way of looking at things, but you are just very positive, Pauli. Like, you'll always see, like, you'll, like, always see the brightness or the, not the positive. It's, like, kind of like this naivete. You have, like, a naive way of, like, it's intentional. Seeing the world. It is intentional. So I don't know, is it this,

is it really how you think or you're, or is it like how you've kind of, you're, if you say it's intentional is because you've trained yourself to be naive or want to be naive or be ignorant. It's not naive at all. I just think in this world, your reality is your perception. Of course. It's the only thing that matters. Nothing else actually exists apart from your own perception. But you just said it, not me. You said that your naivity is intentional. I didn't say it. No, but you said naivity. I said, it's intentional. I didn't say my naivity is intentional. Just my perspective, the way that I am, the way that I think. It's intentional because it makes the world

Oh, I see. Okay. Okay. All that matters is your reality. Like, nothing else actually exists, literally. So if you're having, let's say, a fight with somebody or you're in a situation where your family's going crazy and you're sat there, like nothing. They could be going crazy. How you're feeling and what you're doing and what's happening, it's completely up to you. And literally, nothing could be real or fake depending on how you see it. Like, you just make your world. That's a great. I love that about you actually. Like I tease you about you being positive, Pauley. but honestly, I love that about you because you're right. Like we have the ability and the capability to choose whatever our reality is and how we think.

And so if you're starting to think badly or be more pessimistic, like unfortunately how I am, then you basically are able to shift quickly into a more positive mindset, which is really great to do, by the way. And you do surround yourself with really great people. So that does, again, also, like shift how your perspective is. So that's not, by the way, and that's intentional. Yeah, but I'm not always, I've gotten better with that over the years. I mean, you know, because of my little positive polyness. Yes.

I also sometimes have blinders on with certain people. Right. You do trust people that are sometimes not trustworthy. Right. And I've gotten a lot better over the years. Yes. And you want to see the best in people. Yes.

Or you let people take advantage of you because you want to believe that they're good. Less so now, I think when I was younger, more so. But I just would rather see the best in people. I'd rather myself get screwed over one in every 10 times and have like nine incredible interactions than be, you know, jaded the entire time and have all these crappy interactions. No, so I agree with that. In fact, actually, I think I've just had in this conversation the other time. day because I've been screwed over so many times in my life. It's like beyond, okay? You know what I know it. And people are always like, oh, but you're so tough and you're so strong. How can that happen?

It's because, you know, as pessimistic as I can be, I do want to believe the best in people. And I lead with how I can help someone all the time, even when it's not reciprocated. So, and so then I get burned because their intentions were bad. But then I always say what you say, which is I rather have not changed myself and just been authentic to who I am and been burned because I feel like also in the accumulative space of all this stuff, it will all work out to be beneficial in the long run. Yeah. And I think also as you have more of those experiences, you get better at knowing who's someone who's more trustworthy versus who's someone who's going to burn you. And obviously, we all make mistakes. But you just get better. You get better at picking

people as you get older. As long as you're intentional about it. Like I'm so intentional about who I have around me. I'm so intentional about how I spend my time, about what I think about, but what I keep in my mental space. Okay. So let's just stay on this topic of change, right? So of the five things that we talked about or what I mentioned, what I believe are the reasons why people stay stuck or don't change. Would you say, you nodded your head, yes, yes. The social group is super important, comfort and all the other things. Is there anything else that Is there ever been something that you wanted to change that you didn't because it was more, it was easier to stay where you were because of comfort?

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I lived in my dad's house for seven years after college. That was like a horrible situation. I mean, it's not a horrible. That's a bad example. Why? It's a really good example.

I stayed there because it was super easy, super convenient, and I had to pay no rent. That's a perfect example. That's a perfect example. I know. That was such a thing that I wanted to change for. literally every day that I was there, but I chose not to. Were you also saving money? Sure.

Okay. But that's, but that's, okay, but easier and cheaper are not always necessarily the best things for you. Like to invest a couple thousand dollars into rent, to have a better mental scape and to be able to have your space and to be able to control your environment more. Like that's actually really valuable. That's a super valuable thing to do. But I didn't want to invest it because, yeah, it is cheaper.

But also, like, it's just easy. It was just easier. I didn't have to find a lease. I didn't have to deal with another landlord. What if I wanted to travel? I don't feel guilty that I'm gone for a couple months, you know? So I would say that's a perfect example. Anybody who moved back in with their parents can definitely relate with that.

A lot of people did. That's 100% true. A lot of people did. I think that if you are somebody who is not, who is complacent and not changing because of anything, because you are more comfortable with comfort, I would maybe make an attempt to make some small moves to move forward. Because I think that sometimes we can't see the forest in front of our, you know, whatever, we can't see the forest with the trees.

No. And I think a lot of times, like, that complacency ends up being resentment. And also, like, a lot of times resentment and self, like, deprecation and unhappiness in a real way. So if you can make a change, and if anything, what we said has, what I said has actually, like, hit a nerve, maybe it's time to maybe think about changing, changing your social group, changing your circumstance, changing your relationship, because we want to keep on evolving and growing and moving forward. We don't want to stay stuck. Being stuck is not the answer to happiness overall.

Wouldn't you agree? Yeah. I also think on another note of the social circle, like you want to be with people who allow you the space to grow and to become a better version of yourself. You don't want people who are going to keep you, even if they're good friends, even if you feel like they're this, that or the other, like if you feel like they're not helping to what you're trying to get to. Yeah, even really, absolutely relationships. A lot of times people stay in these relationships because they think what that end up making the other person feel like they're, that shrink the other person. Yes, that is the worst sensation. And you believe, you believe that you believe that you believe that you believe that.

the bad hype, so to speak, right? You think in order to make the other person happy, you've got to shrink yourself, you've got to be less than yourself, and you stay where you are. And so, and you convince yourself a lot of times that that's actually okay. It's not okay. I think objectively this generation of women is doing that a lot less, which is also why we're seeing, you know, the single number is where they are. I know, which is a whole other podcast. I think we should talk about, that next. Also, I will just put a disclaimer. I am so appreciative that I had my dad's house that I could live at for seven years. I was going to say, what do you say? Let's not be dramatic. Like,

you know, I also don't want to like, you know, but I would have been much happier. You know what it is, what is the thing? You know, don't kick a, you know, in the mouth, a dead horse in the mouth. What's that saying? That is not, okay. How are you going to use it? How are you going to use it? I will. Tell me what the saying is. I don't know. Don't kick a horse. What's that saying? Please don't kick a horse in the mouth. Don't kick a gift horse in the mouth. because a lot of times just because you're in a comfortable situation doesn't make it bad. I think that there's like a... Yeah, that's not the parts that made it bad.

I know. The only thing that makes it bad, but also if you're like a young person who's saving money and you have a better circumstance, God bless you, you should definitely take advantage of all the good possibilities and opportunities in your life. And so when you're talking about you living in your father's home, there's a lot of good things that came from that as well. But I think I could have been like 10x more successful, how to know. not live there. I'm not even kidding. Why do you say that? Because I would have had the mental space to be

able to do that. Or I think if anything, the only thing it would have done is give you a swift kick in the ass because then you didn't have these things. Sometimes when you're too comfortable, it stops you from having the resourcefulness and like ambition and drive to do something. Yes. You definitely don't have the ambition and drive. But I also think like people need their own spaces to be able to create and do wonderful things. And I think that's really important. A lot of people would, like, it's just easy. It's just some things that are just easier. The headache that you think in your mind is, it's going to take is so large that you're just like, I forget about it. But then actually, when you follow through on that thing and you do whatever it is, you need to do to change that

situation, you just think, like, why didn't I do this before? Like, when I finally got my own car after the labor of like just thinking in my mind that it was going to be this whole heavy, lift and nutrients and da-da-da and like how was I even going to like handle that and then I got it and I was like wait what like this took two days by the but that happens all the time because I what what we are so afraid of in our head is never as bad in real life that's a really good I'm going to add that as point number six to my list of why we stay stuck and why we don't change I think because sometimes we create a story around something being so hard and horrible and daunting in our brain, that that is what's scary.

But the reality is never as bad as we think. Like, whatever you think, whatever we make up in our brain is never as bad as when the reality is most of the time. And I think that most of the time. I'm not talking about a health scare God for a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, not all of the time. But what I'm saying is, some of the simpler things that we think are so, yeah. We really do.

Like our brains can be our worst enemy. That's what I wanted to end. on. So don't let your brain be your worst enemy. And don't let, don't let, don't let your brain create a story to yourself that keeps you stuck and complacent. Remember, things are never as hard or as difficult or it's challenging and daunting as it actually is in reality. And when you prove to yourself or show yourself that when you go through it, that you can actually do it and go through it, that in itself builds so much self-worth and self-confidence that it's worth every second of of it. So with that being said, see you soon. See you next time. And join her book club.

And join my book club. Exactly. If you haven't joined the book club, sign up. It's totally free. It's all self-improvement books that will help you become better and grow in all the ways. See you then. Go to Jennifer Cohen.com and goodbye.