Habits and Hustle - Episode 538: High Performing Women and Why They Lose Attraction in Relationships When They Lead

Starting point is 00:00:01 Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it. I have to talk about something that I saw that I was so excited to bring up on this podcast. I saw this video where this woman was saying that women need men that are better than them, who are smarter than them, more successful than them, fitter than them, more inspiring than them, more of everything. And the reason is because that's what we would naturally be attracted to. I got to tell you something, I actually totally agree with her 100%. Like I believe like a guy has to be alpha, double alpha, or else I will eat him for breakfast. And that's just the way it's going to be.

Starting point is 00:00:47 And when I was watching this, I thought to myself, wow, this is probably one of the most controversial videos or it probably would be a really controversial video because of the time we're living in. Wait, really? I think so. Because it kind of feels like it's like how people thought 50 years ago or 100 years ago. Yeah. But I think that we're living in a time that we're unable to say what we at, like,

Starting point is 00:01:14 we say things that we don't actually really believe in our heads, or that's actually really human nature. But the truth of the matter is, it's 100% true. Like, I do want a guy who is better than me, who is smarter, fitter, faster, stronger, taller, more inspiring, more successful, richer. I mean, all the things, right? Like, I don't want to be the one that is superior because it's hard for me to like be attracted to someone who I feel I'm more dominating in some way to them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I totally get that. I mean, especially I think like the stronger, I could never imagine being with a guy

Starting point is 00:01:56 that's literally weaker than me. I can only bend press 75 pounds. Like, if you can't do that, that's just craziness. Okay, I think the exercising aside, I think it's overall. And I think that if people say otherwise, they're like, they're lying to themselves. It's bullshit. Like, what girl wants to be with a guy who is. Who's weaker?

Starting point is 00:02:15 Who's weaker, less successful, less inspiring, who is, like, all the things, you know, like, who is less fit? I mean, I don't know. I think we are as we're like we're animals and as animals we are animalistic and have needs and we are automatically drawn to like a stronger, like a woman is drawn to a stronger sex. It's just how it is. When I'm with a guy, or not now, I guess, but when I used to be, I guess. Back in your dating.

Starting point is 00:02:47 Back in my dating life. No, I remember like, even now, like what am I even talking about? Like in real life now even. I find like so many men aren't even men. It's like actually kind of like sad and pathetic. Like the pool of people that I see some of my friends having to deal with, I'm like, oh my God, that is so unattractive. Yeah, help us.

Starting point is 00:03:06 They're like weak. I mean, it's just like they're weak and they're just like not manly. They don't take any initiative. They don't take any control. Like I guess I am like more of an alpha girl, right? So especially if you're an alpha girl, you need a guy who's double alpha or at least alpha. And so that's just, and even if you're not an alpha girl, even girls who are beta or Kappa or whatever you want to call it. Delta gamma.

Starting point is 00:03:33 Delta gamma. Like, I don't know any girl. I don't know any girl, any woman, any female who is attracted to someone who they can walk all over and who is like, who has no spine and all that. Like they may decide and choose to be with them because it's easier. Right, right. And it's the path of least resistance. And they do it because they can. But don't lie to yourself or lie to me and say like you're hot for that person because

Starting point is 00:04:04 there's no freaking way you are. Period. That's my opinion. Now you can tell me yours. No, I mean, I think I agree for the most part. I obviously there's like nuance to every situation. But I just can never imagine. I think the only category in which.

Starting point is 00:04:19 which I could see myself giving a little leewayness would be in the sort of financial success category just because I want to be a billionaire. Now, I cannot only dream of dating, why? For example, so here, let me give me an example. You're focusing on like the outcome and not doing something that can make you that way by doing the work to get there. That's not all we're talking about. I'm talking to dating guys. No, you're saying, I want to be X. Right. So I'm saying, but also have realistic expectations. Okay, but hold on. Let me finish my sentence. You're not, that's absolutely not even the point of what I'm trying to say at all. Okay, okay, fine.

Starting point is 00:04:49 I'm saying I consider myself to someone who's aspiring for crazy aspirations when it comes to success financially and also in career, right? Now, if my guy that I'm dating doesn't want to be a billionaire, but they want to be a millionaire, for example, and they are moving towards that direction, they're motivated, they're inspired, they're constantly working, they're an entrepreneur, they have that grit to them where they're successful. And they don't make me feel like I'm the wealthier one in the relationship. They still pay for things. They still support me. They still make me feel like the woman. Then I'm okay with that. But I don't necessarily.

Starting point is 00:05:19 Yeah, I agree with that. 100%. I agree that. I think that's the only area where there's... I just said that there's nuance. I'm not disagree with you. I said I agree with everything you said. I just said that there's nuance and I'm just adding to the layer.

Starting point is 00:05:28 I actually agree with that. I think I'm riffing here. I think that it's not about the money. It's more about like the errs, like smart or fit or, you know, stronger, you know, whatever it is. I just think that a lot of times and you are a successful woman and have a lot of times, of those things going for you because you are fit and you are smart and you are successful. You know, the pools of men get smaller and smaller to pick from because there's a piece of it that's like a lot of guys are intimidated by that or the woman gives off too much alpha male energy

Starting point is 00:06:10 where it's not even a turn on for the guy. So there's, okay, that component becomes very difficult. So what I really feel is that when a guy is all those things more than the girl, it quiets down that girl's alpha energy. 100%. That's what happens. The girl's alpha energy comes out more when she's around a guy that doesn't have it and can't bring it. 100%.

Starting point is 00:06:42 Right. So like... It brings out their mask on. Right. So when I have a guy around me who is like way more. masculine and super like super alpha i automatically just but not on purpose subconsciously i end up not cowering like like like like like a weak bird you know you do just but i feel more feminine i feel more of a girl i feel much more like a little girl yeah and every girl wants to feel like a little girl

Starting point is 00:07:10 they don't want to feel like they're like taking over yeah and though i guess the girls who do feel that way well then all the power to you, you know, God bless you. But the majority of us, the majority of women who are just like doing well and strong and smart and fit and blah, blah, blah, we want the guy to be way better or we will eat you for breakfast and snack. So that's just how it works. But I really wish that guys understood that concept. Like, because I feel like if they did, they would understand that when they're presented

Starting point is 00:07:40 with a woman who's maybe a little bit more masculine, if that guy were to just assert themselves more. That would allow the woman to be able to enter her femininity more. And I think guys don't understand that dynamic as much. And so they immediately think, oh, well, she's just a masculine, more intense female. And then they think to themselves, oh, well, she's got this. I guess I don't have to be, like, I can just be a bit more beta. But I think if they understood that a lot of those really intense women who are power, you know, just powerhouses, who are working, who are crushing it, they actually can be really feminine females within their relationship dynamics. They just need to be given that shot. And they need to be with the-

Starting point is 00:08:14 someone who can present that more masculine kind of vibe. Right, but the guy has to have enough real inner confidence to even... Like do that. To actually show that and be that as opposed to going the opposite. Like, listen, I'm not going to lie to you, there's a lot of women I meet who are like super, like, who are successful, who have like a really, a really strong male energy and it is a turnoff, right? But I'm saying for the majority, for the most of us, like people who are not. like in the 0.1 percentile of like super super successful crazy powerhouses. I'm saying I'm saying

Starting point is 00:08:53 the majority of people, majority of women who are whoever and on the scale of whatever that what they are what we need we are looking for someone who who is better than us. We need men who are better than us like I said smarter than us fitter than us all of the urs of us you know and it's just what we naturally will gravitate to. And like, again, you can't fake that stuff. Either you have it or you don't, right? So this is not about like people like being, you know, kind of like pounding their chest and pretending. It's the ones who actually are those things. Yeah. So, you know, that's really how I feel. It's interesting. You know the joke about how women can never decide where they want to eat? Yeah, that's me. Yeah. So what's so funny about that scenario is that I just think the joke,

Starting point is 00:09:44 could be non-existent if guys understood that sometimes we just don't want to have to decide things. We're constantly faced with a ton of decisions. And in some scenarios, I think, like, just handle it. Just handle it. Like, you know what I like. We've been out to eat many times before. You know what my vibe is. Just fucking pick something and let's go. So that's a great point. And that's what I guess that's really at the end of the day what I was even getting to because I just want someone to like handle shit. If I'm handling all this shit all the time, I want someone else to be like, you know, I got this. I don't have to handle stuff. And trust me, that like changes the entire dynamic of the relationship. If I don't have to like take control,

Starting point is 00:10:21 trust me, I don't want to take control. Like I'm taking control in enough areas of my life. I don't want to be taking control in every single area. And if someone can like alleviate some of that for me, oh my God. It is the biggest turn on in my like for me. I love that shit. Yeah, me too. So that's all. Let me know what you think. Leave me a comment. And for someone who thinks that I'm out of my mind, or whatever, let me know that too because I like to hear from you and what you think.

Habits and Hustle - Episode 538: High Performing Women and Why They Lose Attraction in Relationships When They Lead

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