Habits and Hustle - Episode 97: Jay Shetty – Former Monk, Purpose Coach, NYT Bestselling Author

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

Jay Shetty is a Former Monk, Purpose Coach, and NYT Bestselling Author. After joining a Monastery at a young age, seeking wisdom and purpose Jay Shetty found meaning through bringing what he learned to those around him. The teaching of living to serve, no matter your successes, and helping people achieve a wealth of meaning and purpose themselves, Jay charismatically and thoughtfully shows what it means to “Think Like a Monk.” He discusses his time as a monk, his childhood and trouble with public speaking, his coaching, and even the way he turns work and distraction into a game. Tired of hearing people just telling you to meditate without following up with the How or the Why? Let this episode be your bridge to what is “Thinking Like a Monk.” Youtube Link to This Episode Jay’s Website Jay’s Instagram ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Vitamin Water Zero Sugar just dropped in all new taste. It was zero holding back on flavor. You can be your all-feeling. I'll play and all self-care you. Grab the all-new taste today. Vitamin Water Zero Sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin Water is a registered trademark of glass O. This summer, go to the movies.

Projected on the side of a mountain. Discover a new favorite restaurant, your campsite. Find yourself when you lose your signal. Discover a new playlist, Mother Nature. Make your summer special at the Kia Summer Sales event with a dependable Kia SUV or powerful sedan. Kia, movement that inspires. Call 800-333 for Kia for details, always drive safely, event N7523. Welcome to the Habits and Hustle Podcast.

A podcast that uncovers the rituals, unspoken habits and mindsets of extraordinary people. A podcast powered by Habit Nest. Now here's your host, Jennifer Cohen. Thank you very much for being on the podcast. I know you're really busy and you've been doing a ton of press and media and you obviously have your own stuff. So I'm really grateful. So thank you so much.

Of course, no, I'm grateful for helping share my work with your audience. So thank you for the opportunity. I'm really looking forward to this. You know, it's amazing to me. I mean, I can't, but you've only been doing this for what four years, like seriously, right? Like after you finished with your whole experience with being a monk and then going into the corporate world. But you've actually done what you're doing now with, I guess you're just, you're merging entertainment with wisdom in an exceptional way that's obviously resonating with everybody.

I mean, I mean, you're like a phenomenon at this point. No, it's true, it's amazing. I mean, did you ever, did you ever think when you started this process that this, did you know this was your dharma or your purpose at a younger, at a different time before? And I want to ask you, what really is it? Is it purpose and passion?

Is that really what it is? That's a great conversation, that's a great conversation started and a great question. And I want to start by sharing, yeah, I've been doing this online for the last four years. But I feel like I've been in this space of creating, sharing, synthesizing, studying, speaking for at least the last 15 years in my life. So before I ever took any of this online,

I was sharing it offline before there were any followers or any views or any money or podcasts or downloads. There was none of that. I literally was doing events in London when I started university and after I met the monk when I went back, I started a society called Think Out Loud. And I would speak every single week. I would take a movie from Hollywood. And I would analyze it from a psychological, spiritual, and scientific background.

And every week students would come and hear me speak. And in the beginning, we'd get like five or 10 students. And by the time I finished university, there were about 100 students coming every week. And even up until the point I started making online content, I used to do an event in London in the city. Well, like, five to 10 people would turn up every week and I would just speak and share these insights

because I really wanted to pass them along. And so what has happened online has completely blown my mind. It's been more than I could ever have imagined or dreamed of. I feel grateful, humbled and blessed every day. And it is exactly what you said. I feel like my passion is reading and studying wisdom and trying to find the best ways to extrapolate the essence and share them in a way that people will entertain, educated, engaged and then livened. That's my passion. And it becomes

a purpose because I'm trying to do it in a way that elevates people's lives and can help people and can move them to the place where they want to be internally. And so that's where it becomes my purpose. And hence my dharma, as you rightly pointed out. And that's exactly how it feels. It's amazing. I mean, I don't think there's anybody currently that has a voice as strong and as powerful or as positive as you. So, buddy, I've been doing this podcast

not that long a year and a half, right? And I've had some pretty amazing and very impressive guests. And I'll tell you something. When I was telling people, oh, yeah, I'm having, you you know you come on Jason my sister for example in Canada I'm Canadian She doesn't care about this one that one or the other one, but she was like oh my god I love him like everybody's like I because I think that it like you are have such a positive essence as well And what you put out there I think it really does like it really helps like. Like what you are, what your purpose is, I feel it is to kind of spread positivity.

And that is, I mean, and it really does resonate with people, a young old boy girl, it doesn't matter. And I think especially now when people are so much in a mired, in stress, and anxiety, and this pandemic and COVID, I mean, it's a really, I think that's probably why I think when people get your book Things like a monk which I loved I Think people will find it like it's it becomes like it's like a how-to manual and how to really Really kind of not just deal with you know 2020 but as but life as well I mean if you can go you can kind of like go through this book

and then like put it down and like kind of go back to it later on because it really does, that there's like, it's life lessons. Absolutely. What's your sister's name Jennifer? Maureen. Maureen. Yeah, hello.

Hello, good. I'm grateful for it. You're gonna love that. Yeah, thank you for all your excitement. But yeah, I describe the book as being, you know, being a monk for three years was like going to monk school. Yeah.

Last seven years since I left, had been like the exam. And so think like a monk's like the guidebook. It's like the exam of everything I learned as a monk in three years and have tried to apply in the last seven years, that's really what it is. It's like my notes of experimenting, trying, testing in the real world, in the world, me and you live in, in the world of having to find my passion, take care of my family, in the world of dealing with pressure and stress in the world of creating

something you care about in the world and how to actually do that in a way where you feel you feel comfortable navigating and making provisions. That's really what it was about. And the goals have always been to spread the wisdom out far and wide because I grew up as someone who was skeptical, who was not necessarily inclined to monk life or wisdom or meditation and wasn't really drawn to any of that. And I want to speak to that person. I want to connect with that person who's sitting there, who feels they have nothing to do with this. But actually, as a moment that realizes that this is the essence of everything I've been looking for that can help me reconnect with what's truly meaningful to me.

The what made you decide to even go to monk school? You were 19, 18, right? Yeah. And you're like, hey, you know what? I just want to go and be celibate and just live and be quiet in an ass room. Like that's not what a normal 18 year old kid thinks of, right? Yeah, so I didn't do it till 21, but I was at the monk when I was 18 for the time. Oh, I'm. And so when I met him, it was almost like meeting someone that you feel inspired by,

that becomes your new role model. And so, you know, the first time you met someone you were like, oh, you, you heard from someone and you were like, yeah, yeah, that's what I wanna be. And so for me, when I look at my time at 18, I'd met people who are rich, I'd met people who are famous, I'd met people who were, or I'd heard from people that were successful and beautiful and attractive,

but when I heard the monks speak about service and about using our gifts to help others and about mastering the mind and overcoming ego. Something in my heart just gravitated towards that and I was like, no, that's it. Like this guy knows what he's talking about. He's got it. He's got what everyone else isn't even referring to or mentioning.

And I almost got so drawn to him that I was like, that's what I want to dedicate my life to. So I spent my summer vacations and Christmas vacations having small stints in India. And then when I was 21, that's when I decided that I actually wanted to go off and be a monk. And that decision was actually very easy

because for all the years leading up to it, I had experimented with working in financial companies in London, wearing suits, going to work every day, trying to perform, making money, and then I'd experimented with visiting the Auschwem in India. And after three years of doing that, on small stints, it became really clear to me that the life I wanted was of self-mastery and service. And that's why it was so easy to make that decision. Wow, you know, I love that because you know, what I wanted to actually was going to begin with was with the identity piece, right?

Because I think people really get stuck with this, especially, you know, how I grew up, sounds like how you grew up to, I grew up Jewish, and you know, it's kind of part of our culture to go to school, get an education, be a doctor or a lawyer. And it's really, really easy to kind of fall prey to what society tells you, what to do. And you open up that chapter with an amazing quote, which I totally resonated with me, but you are who, I'm gonna screw it up, but something like, I am not what I think I am. up, but like something like, you know, like I am,

not what I think I am, you can do it, you tell us. And I want to talk about that about how do we not let ourselves pray victim or become victim to what society or other people perceive to be our path and really kind of find who we really are and live authentically really to who we are. Yeah, so a writer in the 1900s named Koolie, he shared a thought that has become the most central, my favorite thought in the world that really defines what it means to

think like a monk, to go beyond this mindset. So thinking like a monk means not doing this statement. And he said, today the challenge is, I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think I am. And I broke my mind every time I said no matter how many times I say it. And what he's saying for anyone who, you know, it's hard to capture straight away, what he's saying is that we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves. So if I think Jennifer thinks I'm smart, then I feel smart. But if I think Jennifer thinks that I'm weak, then I feel weak. And so we base how we feel about ourselves

on how we think others think about us with a really dangerous way to live. Because then you start pursuing things, because you think people will think that makes you successful. Or then you start wanting to get things in your life, because you think people will think that that will make you happy. And so we start living our life in what Kool-Ea calls the looking last self,

this phenomena. And breaking this is what it means to think like a monk. Thinking like a monk means stripping away all expectations, pushing aside all obligations, removing all judgment of all opinions, and living a life that's true as to yourself. And that's almost what we're all seeking for because so many of us get to 40 years old and we say to ourselves, well, I've been, I don't even know why I do this career. Like, I don't even know why I'm doing it. Or some of you may be 20 years old and saying, well, why am I studying this at college? I don't even know why I'm doing it. Or some of you may be 20 years old and saying, well, why am I studying this at college?

I don't even care about it. And some of you may have gone all the way and thought, you know, I never even wanted to have kids, or I never even wanted to start my own business, or I never even wanted to have this degree, or whatever it is. And you almost get to a point in life where you're like, why am I even doing what I'm doing?

And so if you've ever had that feeling before, that's what this quote is speaking about. And that develops because we take the expectations, obligations and opinions of the people around us so seriously, and they become our guiding light. But, Jennifer, before, sorry, before, I just wanted to extend that thought a little bit for you. Yeah. Listening. That there's two mistakes we make. One mistake is we listen to everyone. The other mistake is we listen to no one. Both of these can be unhealthy ways of living. So if you listen to anyone and everyone, that's unhealthy because, I mean, not everyone in anyone cares, not everyone in anyone knows, not everyone in anyone has competence on what you're trying to do.

But the idea that you don't have to listen to anyone, also doesn't make sense because that's dangerous because then that means you have no moral compass, you have no checking system, you have no way of knowing you have good values. And so what I've recommended to people and what I've done in my own life is I almost create a group, a council in different areas of my life where people with different expertise who do different things for me.

So I have my monk mentors who keep me aligned, keep me accountable, make me aware of my mistakes and potential pitfalls. They're very honest with me and they can tell me them going a bit too far. Then I have my business mentors and entrepreneurs, people who guide me from a perspective of my work that I'm doing on a daily basis. And then I'll have other people for my health. And so in our lives, we can build up these group of experts that can help us with the right insight for different

areas of lives. I like that. So how do we get the strength, though, to kind of follow that path when we kind of know that it's not the right one? Because I feel like sometimes information is, you can become stunted, right? Because it doesn't mean that you're going to do anything with it. Information is always as good as it is,

unless you execute on it, right? Yeah. So how do you do that? That's really, I think where people get really stuck. Well, I think the first thing is that you don't need to do anything drastic, like quit your job, or break up with someone straight away. You know, it's not like you have to do something drastic.

You can actually stay in the position you're in right now, but start to experiment and explore new ideas and your curiosities. And I think as kids, we did that, but we forget that as adults, we can still do that. We feel like with every year that we've almost lost some freedom or lost an opportunity, but that's all in our head, right? You haven't lost it. You still have the opportunity to explore experience, experiment. And those are the three E's that I recommend to

everyone is stay where you are. Don't drastically change anything, don't break anything, don't move anything, don't ruin anything, just allow yourself to experiment, explore and experience new things, which may awaken you to something you're curious about, something you're interested in. It may come from a book you read, it may come from a course you do online, it may come from a weekend away you went on with some friends, but it's going to come from somewhere unexpected. And often ask people, who's the monk in your life? And what I mean by that, you're not going to meet a monk, you may meet someone else, but

what a monk represents for me is meeting someone unexpected. And my question to everyone listening and watching now or listening now is, who have you not met yet that is going to change your life? And that could be a book, it could be a podcast like this, where Jennifer's interviewing someone and that person resonates with you, it could be a podcast like this, where Jennifer's interviewing someone, and that person resonates with you, it could be an interview with someone that you inspired by, it could be an autobiography, it could be a course, whatever it is,

the point is, who is it that you have not met yet? That helps you truly understand yourself. Because, no, I like that, and I love the idea of having a mentor or a guide for different areas of your life, because I think people don't ever I like that. And I love the idea of having a mentor or a guide for different areas of your life. Because I think people don't ever think like that. Especially, you get very one-dimensional and very myopic.

You're like, I need a business mentor. That's what I need. I need to have someone who's really successful. And then I can learn from them. But I think to have a real holistic or full picture of a life, you need to seek of seek out people in lots of different areas to kind of, you know, guide you a lot of times, right? Yes, who guides you? Like, who do you kind of go to? Like, who are some of your mentors?

Yes, spiritually my mentors have always been teaching them, I was 18 and so every year, mentors have always been teaching them every now's 18 and so every year my wife and I go back to India for about sometimes two weeks to a month and we've lived with the monks again and my wife come with me and we'll go and meditate in the atrium again and wake up really early again and we'll go and practice the same things I practice living as a monk and I do that every day. And she can go with you your wife's allowed to go? Yeah my wife's allowed to go with me. And we both just call, we disconnect, put our phones away and just allow ourselves to re-immersk into that experience. I hope we get to go next year. We went this year in January and it's been part of our, you know, yearly routines that we got married four years ago and it's been really powerful. So that's where I,

I go back to living with the monks to re-ground myself, to re-root myself, to get re-aligned with what I'm really trying to do at the core and I feel really nourished when I come out of that. And so that's really what I do from that perspective, from an internal mental spiritual perspectives. And then when it comes to life and work, I've really been fortunate and I do recommend this to everyone. I truly believe you can be mentored by people you've never met. And this is something that we often know, realize, like you are saying, everyone wants to have Elon Musk be their mentor.

Everyone wants to have like, you want like Oprah to be this. And you know, it's like you're looking at that. But actually, and I can honestly vouch for this this especially in my journey up until this point. I was mostly mentored by Steve Jobs' biography, the books of Martin Luther King, the biography of Einstein, like I personally have been mentored by people, I've never met Steve Jobs, I never met Martin Luther King or Einstein obviously. And for me, reading about them, reading about how they made decisions, reading about how they made choices, reading about how they thought about why he thought about creating iTunes or the iPhone or why they experimented. Like to me, that's where I get so much understanding is not how did someone become successful. How did that person make

decisions and choices? And why did someone do what they did? And so for me, I find books being a phenomenal resource to be mentored. And I hope that helps everyone listening today, because I don't want to sit here and point out someone that I go to for advice now, because now I may be able to have access. I'm doing what I did when when I had zero access or zero connection with people and that's that's what I use I also find the same with people I've never interviewed so with my podcast on purpose I've sat down with some incredible minds that I love to tap into but there are people on my podcast There are people who've never been on my podcast But I've been mentored by them because I've watched

Including you they've ever done and I've analyzed it time and time again, and I'm just mag, you know, I'm just You know find their minds. It's so magnificent like I'm magnetically attracted to their mindset So that's what I do from a life business perspective mostly is seek it out. I also had a mentor when I joined the corporate world, Accenture, the company that worked for which was a great experience for me. They were really building their digital and social media part of their company when I was there in 2013. And they had hired a gentleman named Thomas Power who I'd got introduced to and he became a mentor and even though he was training me about digital and social media, I always

think that he trained me far more about mindset. He would always say things to me like, you know, you're this or you're that, you know, you could do this or you could do that and I'd always be like, no, no, no, I'm none of those things, I'm none of those things. And he'd always repeat the words of Napoleon Hill in, you know, you become what you think about. And he'd always say that to me, and he'd keep saying that to me,

you become what you think about. He'd say to me every time I met him, and he'd say, you know, Napoleon Hill, you become what you think about. And that genuinely, it sounds really basic, but every time I heard it from him, it transformed my life. And so I credit him for a lot of the fearless decisions I made as well.

So there are a few examples of both people. And this is actually a concept from my monk training where there are two types of mentorship. They're known as Vani and Vapu. So V-A-N-I and V-A-P-U. Vani is mentorship, which is advice-based and hearing and learning, but not with physical presence. And Vapu is mentorship of physical presence. And the same teaching exists in the monk text that we can be mentored by the sages and saints that we've never met

because their Vani, their instruction, is as powerful as being in their presence. And so I feel that way. At one point in my life, I listen to Steve Jobs' commencement speech at Stanfield, really Dave for 90 days. Like literally I knew the whole speech off my heart,

but more importantly in that, I felt the speech in my heart. And I can honestly, that speech has moved me in really tough times. Vitamin water just dropped a new zero sugar flavor called with love. Get the taste of raspberry and dark chocolate for the all warm. All fuzzy, all self-care, zero self-doubt you. Grab a With Love today. Vitamin Water Zero Sugar. Nourish Every You.

Vitamin Water is a registered trademark of Glasso. Think or Swim by TD Ameritrade isn't just a trading platform. It's an entire trading experience. With innovative tools and services at your fingertips, it just might change how you trade, forever. Experience the next evolution of you as a trader at thinkerswim.com. No, I love that you say that because I think that's so true. Sometimes you gleam the greatest

advice from people that aren't necessarily the most famous or even, and I'm not talking about the Steve Jobs commencement speech, obviously, but overall what you were saying by the guy that was working with you at Accenture because I think you can, if people are open and are, their hearts are open, their brains are open, receiving information, you can get a lot of great and valuable information from anybody, really, and life lessons from anybody. Yeah. More often than not, you really want to be finding someone who's just a couple of steps ahead rather than trying to get life or business or any advice from someone who's like

50 years ahead because that person's in a different mind space and So sometimes having someone you can have someone that inspires you and makes it an aspirational direction. But sometimes the people around you, who are just a couple of steps ahead, they can be sometimes the most powerful guides in our lives. No, absolutely. I totally agree with you.

And I think that's so true. I mean, the people that are so much more ahead, there's too much space between you and someone like an Elon, not you, but you know, they're striving for Elon, but really, you know, Joe Smith, who is right there with you, who's kind of, you know, it could be your best, your best mentor advocate that you can have, right? Absolutely. I'm sure you get like, I'm sure you can, you get hit up all the time now probably to

be, people want you to mentor them and it's like a whole thing, but you have a program, don't you? The genius program or the coaching program? Yeah, yeah, we've really reflected on, and this was very early on, I was really reflecting on like, how do I extend myself to more people, but also not make it just about the value that I can offer as an individual. And so I looked at transformation for many years from the monk life to the corporate world and through to now, and when I was working with coaching clients or privately with people which I did very often, more so before.

And I was realizing that everyone needs three things to transform. And I call it the three Cs. And it's coaching, consistency, and community. And we need to create a culture in the world of coaching, consistency, and community to help people transform. So in 2018 of January, we launched my genius community, which is my genius coaching community program,

where we have thousands of people all across the world. They're not only come every single week for meditations, for amazing content, for workshops and lessons, but what we've created is a space where people are helping each other. So someone can come inside our community and say, hey, I'm struggling with this today, and they'll have 10 or 12 people,

maybe more respond to them and guide them in the right direction. And that's almost what we're looking for is a family beyond our biological family. That is part of our growth family and part of our growth journey. And so for me we did that. We also created this year we launched my certification school. So we were fully credited certified life coaching school where people can become life coaches through our 120-hour program. And we found that again giving people the tools to not only become coaches as a career, but to actually go deeper into their self awareness, become better listeners of people around them was actually the skill that people were gaining. So yeah, it led to me realizing that I couldn't multiply myself, to me realizing that I couldn't multiply myself

and not only that I couldn't multiply myself, also realizing that I wasn't the only person that people needed to do. People needed to connect to each other and there were plenty more leaders in the world that could offer what I don't offer and can speak to people that I don't connect with. And I think that's something I'm very cognizant of is that we need more conscious leaders in the world,

doing amazing work, in their voice, in their tone, in their culture, because not everyone's gonna connect with one person, whoever that one person may be. Right, you just said something that I just, I'm just caught to, is that the self-awareness piece, you said to be self-awareness. You talk about self-awareness a lot in the book and, you know, in life. It's like, I feel like, and you obviously are an agreement that, that's an integral piece

of really, of everything, right? Knowing who you are, for your identity, and kind of figuring out your strengths, right? How do you feel, how do people become more self-aware when they're not naturally inclined to be able to see that or do that? Yeah, there's a beautiful verse in the Bhagavad Gita that I share in the book that says, it's better to live your own life imperfectly than to try to follow someone else's path perfectly. And I think a lot of us sometimes get lost in that second part of we try again to imitate or create what we see someone

else doing rather than realizing our own strengths. And the best thought to summit up comes from Einstein of everyone's a genius, why we call genius community. Everyone's a genius. Everyone's a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it's stupid. And when Einstein said that,

I think of that, though, and I think, yeah, we're like birds trying to be lions, we're lions trying to be giraffes, we're giraffes trying to be zebras, we're zebras, sorry everyone in England, zebras. I've been learning to like that. We're zebras trying to be fish, we're fish trying to be deer. Like imagine a lion wanted to be a bird.

The bird would be like, and the bird wants to be a lion. It makes no sense. Like birds can fly, lions can't. Lions can't. Or, and create a king of the jungle, I guess. Birds are not. But they both have the length of the plants. They both have their own strengths and superpowers.

And so not recognizing your own strengths and superpowers is the biggest mistake you can make. If you look at superheroes in Marvel movies, they all have their unique origin story and their unique strength and their unique superpower. And that's what makes them an amazing team, not that they can all do the same thing. Like imagine if every character had the blade over it,

had how interesting would that movie be? Right? It would be the most boring thing of all time. Or, you know, if every character could like laser from their eyes, you'd be like, oh, how boring is this. And that's the amazing thing that each and every one of us have a superpower, and the way we discover it, first starts with really basic questions. When you do an activity, ask yourself, did I like that? Yes or no? After that, ask, what did I like about it? And third question is, why did I like it or not like it? If you start doing that, after every small activity, you will learn so much more about yourself because how do you get self awareness by knowing yourself? How do you get to know yourself?

By spending time with yourself. What's the best way of spending time with yourself? Asking yourself questions. You only learn about someone you asked them, you're asking me questions today, Jennifer, that's why you're learning about me. If I don't ask you questions back, I don't learn about you. Asking questions to yourself, and so when you watch a movie ask yourself did I like it or not? Yes or no? What did I like about it? Break down the plot,

the structure, the character, the acting, what did you like about it? Third question. Why did you like it? Why did you like it? And when you do that with every activity just take that three second, three question check, you'll find that your self awareness goes through the roof. Now at a deeper level, self awareness is only growing when you're exposing yourself to more ideas. So you may say to yourself, oh, I'm not a good writer, but you've never tried to write.

You've never been on a writing course, you've never been exposed to. You may say, I'm not a good director, but you've never tried to direct. So if you've never tried, if you've never been educated, and that's the key question, it's not just have you tried, it's have you been coached, have you been guided. And you know, people, I was, I was, I was, I was just to give a personal example. I was so shy growing up. And my parents forced me to go to an extra curriculum activity at school, which happened to be public speaking. And I was forced at the age of 11 until the age of 18

to go to public speaking school as an extracurricular. And we practiced it for three hours a day, three days a week was the class. It's a nine hours a day, from nine hours a week, sorry, from 11 to 18. I was practicing public speaking. And so today I don't feel I'm confident to walk on stage and give speeches, et cetera, but it's like it took like seven years of full-time training. And I think we missed that.

That it's not just how you tried. It's how you can coach and guide it and educate it. Right. Because I think anything in life, you can get, it's all about practice and consistency, right? So if anything that people think that things just naturally come to, it's not, it's not talent is what my, it's a lot of its work ethic and people don't like to see what goes be up, you know, when someone is out there doing exceptionally or someone's super successful and they have like a lot of money and their companies are getting sold.

They don't see what goes on behind the hood. Have me, the resilience that it sometimes it takes, the trials, the consistency, the practice. Like Michael Jordan, he would practice in what, five hours, eight hours every single day, even when he was amazing at it. And so I think that if people just put people actually are more self-aware

and realistic, what it takes to become good at something and put that effort in, it would be, you know, it would make a big difference, basically. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. More from our guest, but first a few words from our sponsor. Get ready to exceed your 2021 sales goals with the help of LinkedIn Sales Navigator. LinkedIn Sales Navigator is the best version of LinkedIn for sales. You get to tap into the power of LinkedIn's 700 million plus member network. Plus, you get 20 monthly in-mail messages, lead recommendations, unlimited searches, and actionable insights. You target the right prospects and decision makers. And guys, as the world adapts to these new working habits,

sellers must also shift tactics to stay ahead. And LinkedIn Sales Navigator is here to really up your game. Start your 60-day free trial of LinkedIn Sales Navigator today by going to LinkedIn.com slash Habits. That's LinkedIn.com slash Habits to start your 60 day free trial of LinkedIn Sales Navigator. LinkedIn.com slash Habits. Let's talk about how your experience at the, as a monk and your practices, how people can really try training their mind because your mind can be your best asset or your worst

asset depending on how it is. You talk a lot about detachment from your mind, how your thoughts are not you, your mind is not you. We talk a little bit about that and what your learnings from being a monk were and what people can kind of practical ways people can start training their minds, their brains. Yeah, for sure.

And I love, you know, the name of your podcast being habits and hustle, like I think, you know, those are two such important things that work together. And just to go back to what you were saying as we go into talk about the habits, it's always both. It's always both. Like you can't just have deep habits and practices and not hustle. And you can't just have hustle and not deep practices. And it is both. And I love that even more so because I talk a lot about how we have to embrace polarities.

So people always ask you, like, what's the one thing? Like, you know, what's the one quality I need? And it's actually usually two. Like it's, I believe in strategy and spirituality. I believe in affection and being assertive. I believe in being compassionate and passionate. It's never one or the other. It's like you need both.

If you want to be happy and successful, you need both. Because one gets you success and one gets you happiness. And both those things often get confused. So I look at when I look at habits and us, I'm like habits will make you happy. And of course, course will bring success But hustle is more likely to bring you success And so if you want both if you're looking for a happy life and a successful life you need both But some of the mindset things that you are referring to then

The buggergator said this 5,000 years ago the mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy Meaning that you are either directing, guiding and training your mind or the mind is guiding and training you. Right? Some of us, we're just following what the mind is telling us to do and some of us realize that we're the one who are guiding the mind. And the way that works is that in the beginning, if you think about a thought and the way it's made, the first time you have a thought, it's like a bridge or a pathway made of sticks. The second time you have that same thought, that pathway gets made of stone. The third time you have that pathway, you're now adding metal, iron. Notice how that

door is getting stronger and stronger and stronger. The fourth time, it's a full scale bridge, right? It's like the full thing. So basically, every time you have a thought, every time you walk over a thought, you are strengthening that thought. That thought is not real or fake or anything else, it is just an idea, but every time you have that idea and you reaffirm that idea, it gets stronger and stronger and stronger. So for example, if every time you spend money on something and it works for your business, you do it again and you do it again and you do it again and you create a thought. That means this works for your business. You do it again and you do it again and you do it again and you create a thought that means this works for my business. Now the economy changes, things collapse, everything changes but that habit has remained as like, oh no,

but this is meant to work. And that's where we get stuck because we're still trying to cross that bridge but there's a block sign on the other side where it's like no, things have changed now. And that's what it means to not be attached to our thoughts or not believe that our thoughts are always right. And so you have to adapt your thought and build a new path and build a new bridge. And so the way you do that is first of all by allowing yourself to realize, what am I doing every day to bring the mind into being trained? And as monks, the mind is compared to a monkey, a monkey mind.

And so if you think about monkeys, and if you've never seen a monkey, when you see the monkeys in India, like when we lived as monks, we saw a lot of monkeys. And so you could observe this analogy really well. Monkeys are jumping from brides to brides. They're not focusing on the root of the issue. monks, we saw a lot of monkeys and so you could observe this analogy really well. Monkeys are jumping from branch to branch. They're not focusing on the root of the issue, the monk mind focusing on the root. So the first way of grounding the mind is saying, am I currently focusing on the superficial issues and the branches? Or am I focused on

the root? Ask yourself that question. So a business issue comes up as you say entrepreneurs. There's someone on the team that I feel is causing issues. Is that really the issue? What's the root of that issue? Right? Or someone's not performing well. Is it because, what is it? Am I just upset that they're not supporting the team

while or whatever? Or what's the root of the issue? The root of the issue is something else and so we waste so much time as entrepreneurs on the branches like monkeys do Whereas the root of the issues what the monk mind us. So that's the first thing The second thing that monkeys do is they go for the quick win if you ever see a monkey and I've literally seen monkeys do this in India If you ever see a monkey and I've literally seen monkeys do this in India where we'll go to a banana Then they'll see someone holding an apple. They'll drop the banana run for the apple and they'll see someone holding a Product card. They'll drop the apple and run for the credit card The funny thing is a monkey can do nothing with a credit card You know a banana is meant to be the monkey's bad friend and so our Mind can sometimes just keep going for that instant gratification,

that quick win, that, you know, what's going to be that next thing? Absolutely. And what are, you know, amongst minds are focused on what is my strategy? What is the value I'm offering? What am I really giving? So those are some quick ways of understanding how we can train the mind to be more focused on what we wanted to be. Yeah. No, I was going to gonna say, first of all, that I love, you say the monkey, my, I laugh because I think it's so true. And I feel like it's like people are always not everybody,

but people follow the white, the shiny ball, right? And you end up like getting nothing, you never become really good at anything because you're just like drop it, you're like a monkey, you drop the banana, you go for the apple, then you go for the credit card. It's so hard to like focus. So I guess really when I was talking to you about like how do you train your mind, I guess my bigger, the bigger root question is how do we really, how do we really train ourselves to focus?

What are some of the things like besides going to the ashram, which I believe after reading your book, I swear that everybody should spend at least six months there. I really do. It's great training for everything. But besides going there, what, how, give us some tactical, practical things that we can take, we can incorporate to really, you know, practical things that we can incorporate to really start that path of focus. Yeah, absolutely. I love that. So one of the main things, and I really mean this, and this is getting very practical and tactical,

and I'm showing you something that's on bringing it up here, this is what my schedule looks like, right? So this is my diary. Where am I on there? Every season. You are on the 12. You will be the last thing on the 12 before the last thing. Okay. I'll bring it up here. Here we go. Habits and hustle podcast. You're like the thing I have to do because I made the commitment. No, I'm just talking. And so the reason why I showed you that, and as you can see, it's very organizing color

coordinated on the rest of it. Amazing. If something is not in your diary or in your planner and your schedule, it's never going to happen. And that includes lunch, it includes breakfast, it includes dinner, it includes rest, it includes golf, it includes tennis, it includes family time, whatever it is. If you don't keep a calendar and your calendar doesn't have everything on it, and your schedule doesn't have everything on it, it is not ever going to happen. And I live by my calendar where my life becomes simple because all I have to do is look at what is next on my calendar.

And of course, my calendar's been evolving and refined as I've got to know myself better and knowing what I need. So one of my things I don't negotiate with every day is that I eat breakfast lunch and dinner on time. I do not negotiate with it because I've spent too many weeks and years in my life missing meals and eating trash and not taking care of my health. I just had to write that off and say, that doesn't happen anymore. So focus is created when you actually have a plan. The plan you stick to and the plan has every part of what you need in your life on that plan.

And that is a really tactical and practical thing because too many people are trying to figure out what they're going to do on their day or they're still using an old school to do list. And the problem with an old school to do list is that it's not prioritized, it's not maximized for maximum effect. And ultimately it's just a list of things you're trying to check off without any direction. Whereas when you sit down a week in advance, or so this is what I do, I sit down a week in advance and plan out my whole week. And then you sit down a week in advance or So this is what I do. I sit down a weekend advance and plan out my whole week And then I sit down the night before and I look at the plan again and I ask myself Am I hitting the priority?

Am I doing what I really care about and this is the number one question that helps me focus in life What can I do today That will make me feel like today has been a success because sometimes you can check off everything on your to-do list and still feel completely empty and unaccomplished. And that's why focus is created by asking yourself what is the one thing I can do today and if I do that one thing and by the way that one thing could be everything I do I I'm going to do it with love and passion. That could be a one thing. And so right now I'm giving you my love and passion,

and I'm here and I'm present. That could be a one thing, or your one thing could be, I'm going to read my children a bedtime story. Or your one thing could be, I'm going to thank one person today, or I'm going to reach out to one new potential client today. And that's the one thing that's going to make you feel happy and successful. So that creates focus. And ultimately, focus is created by care. If you care about something, you will focus. If you don't care about something deeply, you can't focus.

And so focus is a great way of noticing whether you care about it. If you're watching a great TV show, a great movie, are you focused or not? You're focused because you're glued whether you care about it. If you're watching a great TV show, a great movie, are you focused or not? You're focused because you're glued, you care. And if you're going, Jay, I do care about stuff, but I still can't focus on it.

Then the question is, you haven't allowed yourself to truly embody care and compassion for what you're working on. Because when you do, you'll see how you change. And so for me, the calendar is one the second is you know what makes you feel successful in that day the third is this understanding of care and a fourth really tactical one which I want to see it like and show you let me just go grab it give me one sec yeah go go I'm gonna show it to you I'll give you that

this is oh wait let me go back before I get excited and start talking. This is until, this is when all else fails and I'm not joking, I really use this. When I get distracted at my desk, I keep this and it makes it fun because I like gamifying stuff. So when I get distracted, I do this and I allow myself to be distracted and throw this ones out. And then I get back to doing whatever I'm doing. So this is like my most daily use of tact cause it is going to my desk. And this is what I do.

That's a great idea. And what it does, it allows me to have a distraction and a break, but not to the point where I'm wasting so much time. And by the way, if I get back to work quickly or I get bored, I'll just turn it back over again. And so I find this to be a really fun tool to use, to just help me manage my time on a daily basis with distraction. And if you don't have time, you can have a timer, which allows you three minutes to feel distracted. And I actually started building in distraction time. So every hour, I scheduled in five minutes where I just have space to go on my phone,

to do whatever, so that when I'm with you, I'm present. Because if I go from you to another meeting and another meeting before, then I might be wondering, what's on my phone, what's the email situation. Whereas if I have five minutes between meetings, I'm planning in my distraction. That's a great idea to have a timer or something.

What does that thing call, by the way, not a timer, but it's called our glass. That's a great idea. That's a great idea. Yeah, it's fun. I like game-of-fying stuff because, I like game-of-fying. The other way I game-of-fying focus is,

at one point, I used to have a, almost, what's it called? It's called like a table where it'd be like me versus my mind. And so every time I got distracted and followed my mind, I'd give my mind a score of one. And every time I focused on me and focused on what I wanted, I gave myself a score of one. And I found that a fun way of gamifying myself versus my mind

in that I would be like, okay, well, I really, really wanted to watch that show, but I chose to finish off that presentation. I got one, so I gave myself a score. And if you like gamification, then it works. If you don't, it doesn't, but I quite enjoy that using competitiveness with myself. Jay, these are like amazing. These are great ways for people to kind of like, not like, they're like tips and tricks of how to kind of focus yourself that people have never, usually people come on here and say a lot of things that I thought that you were gonna say

like meditation, because you talk about meditation a lot. Never did I think you're gonna go grab one of those hour glasses or talk about the game of flying of competing against yourself. But by the way, I think that those are like brilliant and easy to do. So thank you. I think I'm gonna start doing that. Yeah, by the way, I think that those are like brilliant and easy to do. So thank you. I think I'm going to start doing that.

Yeah, by the way, I love meditation. The reason I don't bring it up is because I could have said it, and it is in the book, and I do love talking about meditation. I value it deeply. And if I wanted to share one meditation practice that I was training as a monk, but today psychologists and therapists use it to ground people and anxiety, but we learned about it.

As monks, we learned about it to create presence. So we would slightly differently. But what it was was, if you feel distracted right now, or you feel stuck in your head, or you know, you just feel lost and confused and overwhelmed, what you have to do, it's called the 5, 4, 3, 3 2 1 method. So you ask yourself what are the five things I can see right now.

I can see the sky, I can see the trees, I can see the ceiling, I can see the floor and I can see the wall. And I'm like what are the four things I can touch. So I touch, I'm touching the chair which is kind of like velvety this chair I can touch? So I touch, I'm touching the chair, which is kind of like velvety, this chair I'm sitting on. I touch my jumper and I can feel the textures different. I can touch this table in front of me, which is a marble table, it's very cool. And I can touch the joggers that I'm wearing

and there are different material. So the four things I can touch, three things that I can hear. So silence for a second. I can hear some white noise. I can hear the things that I can hear. So silence for a second. I can hear some white noise. I can hear the light that I have here to help you with the lighting. I didn't want you to have a dark recording of me.

I can hear you laugh. I can hear a little squeak in my chair every time I move. And so there's the three things I can hear. One of the two things I can smell, so breathe in. I can pretty much smell the scent of this room and nothing else. And then what's the one thing I can taste? I can taste them slightly dehydrated and probably need to. And so that 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method, the great way of just being grounded back into the present moment. It's not complicated. It's really easy. You can do it multiple times per day And it just brings you back into the present and distraction is usually up here and not being in the present

Absolutely again, that's a great piece of advice because like people always say meditation and we talk I mean I feel like meditation is becoming a very It's an overused way people are using it like they're using it it in terms of like when people ask them that question or when I ask them, people just go to like, oh, I meditation. But that number 54321, yet again, is a good tactical thing that someone can use without doing the traditional kind of meditation that people are always talking about. And I know there's a lot of value to the meditation. I didn't mean it like that.

I just mean it that way. I know you. You know, people are just like, oh yeah, because it's like a throw, it's like a throw-to, right? There's not really much other. And if you ask them a little bit, if you delve deeper, they're like, I don't know, you know. So, you know. Totally get you. I totally get you. And I wanted to share with you more, you know,

more unique or fresh ideas that I've worked with in my life to help me focus because I think all of these things help. And I love having visual triggers that help me focus. So, yeah, even the frames in the background, like they're not just there because they look cool, they're there because when I walk into the room, I want to be surrounded by people that inspire me, an energy that inspires

me. And so when I see Freddie Mercury or when I see Robin Williams or when I see Kobe, you know, Audrey Hepburn or, you know, whatever it is who else is a mystic Oakland and, you know, Rosa Parks and such like when I see this, is this Muhammad Ali? Well, you don't know what I'm looking at, but is that Muhammad Ali? Prince Muhammad Ali? Well, you don't know what I'm looking at, but is that Muhammad Ali? Prince Muhammad Ali. Yeah. That's Oprah's jacket sneaking in.

So when I look at some of these people, and I've got lots of other people, to me it's like energy. It's like visual triggers have energy, and they help me focus. If I walked into a room with a blank wall, I guarantee you I'd be distracted, but I look right, and I see a picture of Michael Jordan.

I'm like, Michael Jordan was not distracted. Let's get back to work, right? Exactly and you may have different visual triggers in your bedroom that Calm you down that don't make you activated you may have different visual triggers in your living room pictures of your family Like that's the point of visuals. They make you feel something No, I agree and I mean, I trying, I didn't want to seem rude because I was looking before, I was like, trying to figure out who was on the wall behind you. And I didn't want to seem like I wasn't paying attention.

So I was trying very hard to focus on just your face. So I'm glad that you gave me those names behind you because otherwise I would be like, curious. But so thank you. It, because in your book, you, I mean, you talk a lot about, not a lot, but the chapter about routine, which, you know, I found interesting, you talk a lot about not a lot, but the chapter about routine, which I found interesting, because a lot of the things that you say are things

that I yap about a lot, which is not to go on, to kind of put some things on autopilot so it gives your brain the ability and energy to focus on other things that are more important, like waking up early and wearing the same thing like Steve Jobs did and stuff like that. What is your routine like now? You don't wake up before I am, like you did. No, I'm not working with it.

No, I'm working with 6 a.m. That's a time that works for me. I really value sleep. I sleep for about 8, 8 and a half hours a day sometimes. I I try and sleep between nine and 10, and I'm up between five and six, depending on my sleep. I really think eight hours of sleep is like my sweet spot, and I feel energized, mentally nourished and rested, and that's something I try not to negotiate with either. So no, wake up at six AM now, that's my usual time. Okay, so tell us more about what you're actual.

Give me a day in the life of you. What do you eat? What do you meditate? We know that. What type of other exercise you do? Like Give me a day in the life of you. What do you eat? What do you meditate? We know that. What type of other exercise you do? Give us a rundown. Day in a life. Yeah, absolutely. So I wake up at 6 a.m. every morning and meditate from about 6.15 till about 8 a.m. every day. So it's about 1.5 hours to 2 hours, everything on one. I've been doing that for 15 years now. So it's a daily practice that I've had for a long, long time. And then straight after that, I usually exercise.

So from about 8, 8, 8, 15 to about 9am is when I exercise. And then at 9am, I'll have to. What do you do? What kind of exercise do you do? Yeah, I do. So at the moment, if I'm completely honest, I change my workout and I've just been going on hikes every day. I want to be outdoors and spending so much time indoors.

I'm not. You know, before I'd be driving to a meeting, walking to an office, that's gone now. So I just want to have fresh air and look at nature all day. So I go out for like literally an hour hike every morning, and it's just been absolutely beautiful to do that. But in the past, I've done everything from strength training, just just basic weights and stretches and workouts. Nothing to, I've never been too intense about building

my physicality for a certain aesthetic. My goal has always been health, well, a bit of strength. And so I'm generally a low intensity person. I don't enjoy high intensity workouts unless they're sport. And so at one point I was playing tennis three times a week because I love moving to playing're sport. And so at one point I was playing tennis three times a week because I love moving to playing a sport. My general daily workout is is usually a hike or it's some basic weights, basic stretches, you know, some mobility workouts. Just keep me, give me moving and keep my heart pumping. The meditation includes

breath work, visualization and mantra. So three types of meditation that I practiced that are all in the book and I visualization, and mantra. So three types of meditation that I practice, that are all in the book, and I share exercises and activities. And then straight after that, I have breakfast and every single day I oatmeal for breakfast. So that's my breakfast every single day. oatmeal with some berries.

That's literally what I crave, even when I'm traveling and I'm in a hotel, oatmeal and berries every single morning. And then of course my day changes. It's meetings, it's interviews, it's my podcast, it's writing scripts for my content, it's writing the book, there's so many other things going on. So that's that changes. Lunch every day is usually something I'm plant-based. to me, my wife, I vote plant based. So my lunch is usually full of vegetables, maybe a bit of rice or quinoa to get a bit of energy in there, but it's a lot of vegetables, vegetable curries, obviously I'm Indian, so I love a good Indian vegetable curry, and that really helps.

My wife say, I have a dietitian and a dietitian and nutritionist. So she's my diet plan. My wife takes care of what food goes into my body and makes sure that it's right for me. So she's the expert in that. And then usually I left dinner at 6 p.m. every day. And then straight after that, at the moment, because of lockdown, it's been very entertainment-based. So we're either playing games, we're watching a show, watching a movie, really relaxing and making the most of that time together, and then usually embedded by night between 9 and 10 to really unwind. And my nighttime routine is we eat dinner at 6

because it's recommended that we eat two or three hours before we sleep. So that's a big part of it for me. We usually switch off our technology about half an hour to an hour before we get into bed, which has really, really helped. And then in the evening, I'm usually doing affirmations and scribbling down anything throughout the day that may be affecting me so I can get it out of my mind. So I try and, if something's stressing me or anxiety, I'll write about it, I'll type about it, get it out before I sleep. I'll also write out what I'm great for for and I'll say these affirmations. So I'm waking up healthy happy and energized I am waking up focused and ready to meditate and I'm waking up with a desire to serve humanity And so I'll say those to myself before I fall asleep because I believe that you program your mind the night before

So though when you wake up in the morning you wake up with that energy just as you you program your mind the night before so that when you wake up in the morning you wake up with that energy just as you you set an alarm the night before and it rings the next morning so you have to try your intention the night before and that will ring the next morning. At Croger you can find the highest quality products at a great price in every aisle every day with Croger brand so you can stock up on your household favorites that are tried, tested, and loved by you. Because when you get the products you love at great prices, it feels like winning. Shop now in store or online. Kroger fresh for everyone. Do you always are you always this like positive poly happy or do like do you just you just

naturally this person like do you ever have a bad day do you ever get angry do you ever get mad annoyed do you ever for sure I negative. Do you ever have any negative thoughts ever? I get all of those so I don't believe that there's anyone in the world who never has a negative thought or feeling. But what I learned from my monk training is that the difference is how long you carry it for. So the only difference, the difference is not that I or anyone in the world never gets a negative thought, a negative feeling a bad day. It's whether you let a bad minute turn into a bad hour or whether you let a bad hour turn into a bad day or whether you let your bad day into a bad week or a bad week into a bad year, that's the choice we have. So for me, I have bad moments,

That's the choice we have. So for me, I have bad moments. I have a bad hour. I have had bad days and maybe a bad week, but I would never let it escalate beyond that. And so I don't like to let something escalate beyond what it needs to be. And when I think about being positive, I can be quite intense throughout the day. So if I'm focused and I'm working on something like right now, I'm fully present with you, I'm fully here, I'm not anywhere else, but I'm like that everywhere.

So if I'm then replying to an email and my wife asked me something, I'm like, I can't talk to you right now. Like there is no chance because I'm so focused in. And so I can be quite intense and laser-like in how I work with certain things. And that stops me from, you know, necessarily at that point being able to stop pause, and that's obviously something really important. I'm thinking of really things like that. But my point being that I definitely have emotions where I fall down or I fall sad or I get upset about something,

but I've trained myself for years and years and years to allow myself to feel it, experience what it is, but quickly go to what is the root of that solution and then flip into action mode after I've understood it. And so I try and make that timeline quicker than, you know, I've been saying this a lot recently of like, we remember the bad times more than we remember the good times. Because when we win, we celebrate for a day, but when we lose, we cry for a month. And when something's bad, you can be complaining about it all the time.

You vent about it all the time. You tell everyone you go on about it, whereas when something goes well, you're just like, oh yeah, I'll call that one person up, told them about it, whereas when something goes well, you're just like, oh yeah, I'll call that one person, I'll tell them about it, maybe posted a post on Instagram, and then you don't care about it. And we don't, and I'm not telling you to celebrate every night, but what I'm saying is don't amplify the negative. So I think we all have this habit of overamplifying negative events and under-celebrating positive events. And I think creating more equality and equanimity in that

is more what's needed. So it's not about doing either or it's about actually coming to an equal place. Like, okay, when something good happens, this way I do. Something bad happens, this is what I do. Rather than like this complete discrepancy of that makes sense. It makes perfect sense. You know, it's funny though. What's interesting about that is that it's very difficult.

Human nature is such, I feel, that your brain is much more programmed to go to the things you don't get. That's why people who are, people would rather, there's been all these studies where people would rather not invest money than lose their, if they had a chance to win a million dollars or to invest a thousand, they rather just not because the risk of losing is much more painful, right? Yes. So, how do people even learn how to do these things? I mean, is it like I said, is it part of your nature just to be a certain way and you can kind of like get better at it,

but you're ready, your baseline is so you are so good at that already. Yeah, and I think I would say it's trained. Like I would say it's all trained like what you were saying earlier. Like I don't think I was born with some of it, but you're not born with all of it. And I don't think anyone is. And so I look at my wife who's a very naturally positive person, more than I am. And so... What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you met her, or follow her on social media, like, she's... Like, I'm a bit... She would consider me to be much more sober and neutral. And I am much more sober and neutral in comparison to her. And yeah, when I say positive, I mean, like the way you do it is by training yourself daily with these habits. Like, when I talk about the need, if you asked yourself and wrote down what you were grateful for every day, it's like saying, like, I'll give you an example. If you've trained yourself to spot beauty, then you will constantly find it. So if I look at your background, I can either look at it and notice the beautiful color coding and I love the books you have stacked up. You've got

like orange that green and now. You've got the blue boxes there and you've got your podcast logo and it looks really cool. And or if you're looking at everything through a critical lens, you would look at it and be like, oh well, I wouldn't place this here and I would have placed this there. And so like most of what we see and there's a beautiful thought by Wayne Dyer where he said that, you know, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And for me, that's true. The example of, we're walking around with, if you're walking around with red glasses, you'll see red, and if you walk around with blue glasses, you'll see blue. Now, that doesn't mean

that you are naive and unknowing to the negativities or the challenges of life. It's just that you're constantly seeking out opportunities, and I think for a long time, I've trained myself to do that because I don't enjoy looking at obstacles. Like, and what I mean by not enjoy what I mean is when you deeply look at an obstacle, you'll find the opportunity, you won't just keep seeing an obstacle. And it all depends about what you care about. Like I was giving the example to someone earlier today and I was saying to a client, I was like, you know, imagine you were trying to get to your wedding day or the most important day of your life, whatever day that is for you, a birthday or whatever it is. And imagine you're driving on your way there and you come up and the road's blocked.

You'd reverse, you'd drive around here and you'd find another route and you'd get onto that route and it's blocked again because there's road works. So you'd drive around, you'd reverse again, find another way around, and you get up there and you get up the hill and you realize the trees falling over and you can't go. If that kept happening to you, you wouldn't just go, oh God, I'm just gonna sit here and complain. You would just keep driving back around

and you're out of that there because it's going important to you. And so my point is no one enjoys, or it doesn't benefit anyone to wallow in their pain. But instead of wallowing in our pain, we can find wisdom in our pain and that comes through getting close to it. So for me, getting really close to an understanding what I'm scared of, what the obstacle is, is actually what helps you overcome it. So most of us have just not taken the courage to deeply address our obstacle. It's like if you're playing a sport against another team and you're scared of looking

at their strengths, you're definitely going to lose. And so you can't avoid it and be positive. That's not the point. The point is being positive means really deeply understanding what you're up against and coming up with a plan for that. No, I think that's amazing. What about social, I have to ask you about social media because we were talking about negativity and there was a dovetail that I wanted to take with that, which is, it's funny because we all of us

want to be more connected, but yet what social media has been making people less, it's been disconnecting people and people have become more competitive and which is negative. There's more anger, there's trolls, there's all sorts of like negative things, right? Like, how, I mean, and you're such a massive influence on social media. Number one, how do you, do you get sucked into that whole place as well or are you kind of because of your practice and your training you've been able to step away and because you also are someone who you basically spread positive messages that's not who you are but how do people do you feel that

people are becoming too entrenched with social media? What do you feel about that? Yeah I think the first thing I'd say is that if you're on social media and you don't know why you're on it at that moment, get off it. Like, you know, it has to be real helpful in reasoning. So if I'm on social media, I'm either there to post, I'm either there to support a friend, or I'm either there because I wanna just check out

what's going on with people around and they're gonna comment and like. But it's like you're there intentionally for a reason. You're not just there because you have nothing else to do. And I think as a creator, you're very conscious of that. But when you're a consumer, you have to be conscious of that as well. But if you are a follower, who are you following? Are you commenting?

Are you looking around and seeing places? You can add. Are you changing your habits? Like, if you went on social every day and left five good comments every day, how would that change your experience of social media? If you went on social every day and you saw your friends winning and instead of feeling envy as well comparison or jealous, you asked them, hey, how did you do that? What was it that helped you break through there?

What is it that helped you get that article in whatever it is that they're doing? What we don't understand is when you celebrate someone's success, you get a chance to be educated by it. When you get a chance to be educated by it, whereas if you don't celebrate it, then you learn nothing from it. So if I see you, Jennifer, do something amazing, if I was your friend, I want to ask you, Jennifer, how did you do that? How did you get your podcast to do so well? How did you book that guest, rather than asking for a favor and saying like, oh, can you do me a favor and help me out and promote me?

It's like, well, no, no, no, how did you do that? What did you do differently? And that gives you an opportunity to learn. And the third and final thing is I generally spend very little time in the negativity or in the comment section because I feel that you have no context of the individual or the person who's saying it. That's the challenge and I got this really good advice very early on in my journey from Simon Sinek and so I interviewed Simon Sinek, probably like my second week in New York. I had a show on the Huff Post called Follow the Reader in

2016. He had a book, a new book out at that time called Together Is Better, is this small book? Probably exactly four years ago around this time just before Christmas. And I asked him a similar question and he said to me, he said, you know what, J, when I first started creating content, we used to reach out to everyone who is negative about what I said, and we would write to them, we would respond to them, we would try to meet things with them, to change their mind, and convince them, and talk to them. And he said, we wasted so much energy,

and we never responded to the people who are actually spreading good vibes of us. And he was just like, and then we switched our strategy and approach and he goes from that day on. And I was, and I got that very early on and I realized that I was like, most of us will read nine positive comments and go, yeah, yeah, yeah, wonderful. Thanks, thanks, thanks, and then you read the one negative comment and we're like, oh my gosh, my life is ending. I'm going to do that. And it's like literally nine people just told you, you're beautiful and you're amazing.

So hard, you're so smart and you're so clever. And I'm not saying to buy into that, what I'm saying is proportionately, you have to check that. And at the end of it all, all you have is your intention of what you're doing and why you're doing it. And if you can look in the mirror every day

and you're proud of what you're doing and you're trying to help others and you're trying to serve others, you have to accept that everyone's going to like you, not everyone's going to agree with you, and that's okay. Right. And there's no one in the world who is liked and loved by everyone, and wanting that is actually the biggest mistake because it's expecting everyone in the world to understand you and your deepest intention. Absolutely. That's very well said actually and I agreed. You have to be your own boss and you have to kind of navigate your own way and do exactly that. I think that's exactly what happens. You can choose to follow someone or unfollow them and not to partake in that, right? Partially, and feedbacks useful, by the way,

sometimes you'll read something or hear something and you'll be like, well, actually, that person's right, I'm gonna take that on, I'm gonna take that feedback on and that's useful too. You can always welcome that, but I posted this yesterday, it really applies to what you just said and it's really powerful, where is it?

All right, here we go. It was said by Abby Honnold and she said, don't listen to criticism from someone you wouldn't seek advice from. It's really powerful. Where is it? Oh, here we go. It was said by Abby Honnold, and she said, don't listen to criticism from someone you wouldn't seek advice from. Yeah. And you know, thank you, Abby, for sharing that. It's not true.

It's such a great message. And I think sometimes we take people more seriously than we would in any other circumstance. Oh, absolutely. That's the whole irony of this whole thing, right? Like these are not people. People, myth, sorry, that's why it becomes very blurry. You think that those people on social media

are your actual friends where you know, that's where it becomes, if that's where people get a lot of depression from because there's such a blurred line and a lot of like psychological issues that come along with all of it. But that's 100% choose right. Whoever, what was her name?

Abby? Honored. Honored. Yeah. That was my feed yesterday. So anyone, yeah, I'm putting it up. Well, she was right. Oh, there she goes.

There you go. That's perfect. As a small business owner, you know that unexpected costs can pop up at any time. But the traditional loan process is too slow. That's why you need Zinch. The direct lender that can fund up to $250,000 in less than two days. Just apply online and you can get a response within 24 hours. Learn how Zinch can help your business today.

Get your application fee waived, which is a $250 value by going to financing.thatworks.com. Again, financing.works.com. Loads better, a range pursuant to a California Finance Lenders Law License. I want to leave with one more question, and then I know I'll let you go. I've been keeping you for a while here. But what are two key takeaway lessons that you want people to walk away with when they read your book. Just a couple. Yeah. The first good one is I want people to carve out time to switch off the noise. What I mean by that is, five minutes a day, it could be 30 seconds a day, whatever works

for you, you need to find silence, space, and stillness every day. That means you're not on your phone, you're not around a computer, or a laptop, or a TV screen, you're not around anyone else who's on your own, and you're checking with yourself, and you ask yourself, how am I doing? How do I feel today? What do I need?

And just listen, listen to your body and mind, and let them tell you, if I stop right now and just check in with myself, my mouth will tell me that I'm dehydrated. My brow will tell me that I'm feeling pretty good today. I exercise that eight well and I'm feeling great. It's 5, 15 PM. You're having dinner in 45 minutes. I mean dinner in 45 minutes.

And my mind feels pretty clear. But the point is that when you take that stillness, to just check in, every answer you possibly want about what you need and what you need to do will come to you from your body, it's why, have you ever noticed, and anyone is an entrepreneur or a busy business person will know this, that when you're busy, busy running around, running around, really hectic,

and then when you slow down, you then fall sick. Like you fall sick, and you slow down why? Because you finally let your body do what it needed to do. So when you check in with yourself every day, you're letting your body in mind tell you what they want. And so that's the number one thing that I wanted to share. Find that space in stillness because all creativity, all innovation, all hustle,

all of that comes from that, like it all comes from that. And the second thing I'd say is that please don't wait to turn what you do into service. If what you do genuinely improves the lives of other people, it will be successful and it will make you happier than you could ever have been. No matter in my book do I tell people not to have material things, no matter in my book do I tell people not to be successful, I'm just encouraging you to do it for a different desire and a different intention

because you'll probably get there quicker and you'll hold on to it longer. If you want to be successful just to be successful, you may get there quick, but you may lose it quick. Whereas if you do something because you want to serve others and you want to improve the world and remove people suffering in your own way, you will find that not only will you potentially get there quicker, but that you will hold on to it for longer. And when you look at the most successful companies, people in the world, they all have service as part of their daily mantra. And I can't encourage you

enough to add that to your life because it will transform the way your children feel and your partners feel and everything else that comes with it. Are you sure you're 32 years old and not a hundred and thirty two? I'm thirty three. Oh you're thirty three okay sorry. No no no no. I am better than I'm messing around. I'm a no I you know what I just got really lucky Jennifer, I spent all my life I've spent time with people that are older than me. And when you do that, you learn two things. You get to spend time with people that are far

whyser than you are, so you learn a lot more. And you also spend time with a lot of people that made bad decisions, and then you're hindsight. So I've spent time with people that are older than me that are far whyser that made great decisions. And I've spent time with people that are older than me, that are far-wise that made great decisions. And I've spent time with people that are older, that are vulnerable enough, who've shared with me the bad decisions they made.

And when you have both of those, all you have is all the hindsight in the world to learn from, to make the right decisions, to make the right choices. And I'm just glad that I had that in my life. And that's what I'm trying to do with the work I do, is expose people to ideas that can help them do that. And yeah, maybe I'm a, maybe I'm an old soul and maybe I'm,

you know, starting an old path in this life. But, you know, I'm just really grateful to my mentors and guides and teachers that I've had along the way. Well, I definitely see why you're so popular, like genuinely I do. You are very gracious and you really are delight. Your book is called Think Like A Monk and I really genuinely am saying this in the bottom of my heart. This is a great book. It's a how-to manual. You can use it for just life lessons.

I so appreciate you being on this podcast Jay. Thank you so much. No, thank you so much. This was a lot of fun and I loved having this conversation and thank you for asking me so many different and unique questions. This was a very, it was a very different conversation to a lot of the ones I've had and I congratulate you on, you know, your amazing interview skills for having done that. I've done so many interviews so So to be able to do that is really special. And I've really enjoyed this conversation. And thank you so much for taking your time to reset, and to read, and everything you did to prepare for this.

And I'm really, really glad with how it went. So thank you so much. And again, I appreciate all your lovely words. And I'll try my best to keep trying to keep on track with us. So thank you so much. Absolutely. I really mean them. And I'm just my best to keep trying to keep on track with us. So thank you so much. Absolutely. I really mean them. And I'm just going to say goodbye.

And then can you hold on for one second? Sure. All right. So I'm going to ask the most obvious, I'm going to say what I have to say to everyone, where could people find you? Like they don't know. But can you please just say it for us? Yeah, sure.

So I'm Jay Shetty on Instagram, on YouTube and Facebook. You can find me everywhere. You can find my podcast on purpose on iTunes and Spotify. And you can find my book on thinklikeamoncbook.com. Those are the best places to find me. I want to say another shout out to Maureen. Setting you lots of love Maureen. So thank you so much. Thank you. You're amazing. This is your moment. Excuses we have a net the habits and hustle podcasts power by happiness Hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Heather Monahan host of Creating Confidence a part of the Yap Media Network The number one business and self-improvement podcast network. Okay, so I want to tell you a little bit about my show We are all about elevating your confidence

to its highest level ever and taking your business right there with you. Don't believe me, I'm gonna go ahead and share some of the reviews of the show so you can believe my listeners. I have been a longtime fan of Heather's, no matter what phase of life I find myself in, Heather seems to always have the perfect gems of wisdom that not only inspire, but motivate me into action.

Her experience and personality are unmatched, and I love her go getter attitude. This show has become a staple in my life. I recommend it to anyone looking to elevate their confidence and reach that next level. Thank you! I recently got to hear Heather at a live podcast taping with her and Tracy Hayes and I immediately subscribe to this podcast. It has not disappointed and I cannot wait to listen to as many as I can as quick as I can. Thank you Heather for helping us build confidence and bring so much value to the space. If you are looking to up your confidence level, click creating confidence now.

Click creating confidence now.