Hello From The Magic Tavern - 1 - Hello from the Magic Tavern

Episode Date: March 5, 2015

Hi. I'm Arnie. I fell through a portal behind a Burger King into the magical land of Foon. I'm still trying to get my bearings, but I have my podcasting gear and get a weak WiFi signal from the Burger King so I figured I might as well set up shop at the nearby inn and interview some people. When in Foon...CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Jack. Now on Xbox One, PS3, PS4, Steam, and more. Go to jackboxgames.com for more info. Hello from the Magic Tavern. Before we get started, there's a little bit of an expositional road bump that we have to get over. I'm Arnini Camp, I'm from Chicago, and I guess it's worth mentioning that Chicago is on the planet Earth. A couple of days ago, I fell through a magical rift behind a burger king into a magical land called Thune. Luckily, I happen to have my podcasting equipment with me, and I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the burger king through the magical portal. So I've decided to host a weekly podcast here in the tavern, the Vermillion Minotaur.

And this week I'm joined by a couple of guests. Would you guys mind introducing yourselves? Hey, this is Chant. Hello. I'm Yusudor, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of the Refesius Grand Master of Light and Shadow, Pesweider of Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Tarracus, the Elznomi is Fia and Yalek, the Dwarvesnomi is Zonen in Hung Stangis, and I'm also known throughout the realm as Gassmundius Maystar.

What was that name again? I am Yusudor, Wizard of the Twelfth realm of Ephesius, Grandmaster of Light and Shadow. I've been debating, persuader, or manipulator of magical delights. Tell me what you think about that. Devour of chaos, champion of the Great Halls of Tarakas, the hills, Nomius, Fieing, Yulak, the dwarves, Nomius, Zonen, Hums, Stangius, and I am also known throughout the realm as Gassmwindus, Mainstar. And I'm Chant.

So, Yusador, I hear you've got a really interesting quest that you're going on. Yes. But before we get to that, I'd a really interesting quest that you're going on. Yes. But before we get to that, I'd like to talk to Chant a little bit. Okay. Just a sort of very future of our realm depends on the outcome of my quest, but let's talk to Chant. That's great. We're going to tease that out. We're going to talk about that in the second segment of the podcast.

We all have things going on. Yeah, exactly. We all have stuff going on. Of course. So, when I first appeared in this magical land, and it's called Foon, is that right? Foon, yeah, Foon. And, uh, Chant, you are one of the first people I met. You are a badger? Yes, and no. I did sort of stumble upon you while I was hunting. I am a badger currently, but I'm sort of a changeling see my mom was a mantichor and my father was a hunger ghost Hunger ghost it's a it's a the ghost of someone who died while they were like famished

Well, they are starving so it's a good way to hunger ghost if you ever meet a hunger ghost So want you for all of your days. Yeah, you need not a pretzel around it, nor a creamed cheese, for they shall chase you to the ends of food. My bad, it's pretty cool. But I basically can, you know, change into different animals. You can, oh, I didn't realize that, you know, actually, you were the first person I met here

and you were so kind to let me shack up with you for a couple of days. And I just thought you were talking badger, but you can change into other things? Yeah, it's not at will, but I can eventually change into different animals. Like what kind of animals have you been in the past? Been a goat before, several goats several times. A bear, eagle, spider.

A spider, no. How does this changing process work? It's basically whatever creature I sleep with, I then become an affordable. So it's enough to limit it simply to animals. No, if you can become a spider, that's an arachnid and not an animal. I mean, I don't know. When you say sleep with, you're, you're, are you sitting?

Jack's sex. Mm-hmm. Yes, of course. I've got a lot of questions. Spider, though. How do you have sex with a spider? What the time I was a cricket? OK, follow up question.

Before the cricket, I was a bird. Before the bird, I was a bird before the bird. I was a cat So you were just sexing your way slowly down the food chain and then back up You have a tapestry that explains the whole thing has my whole history I did see that tapestry in your in your hovel and I Did not realize that it was a sexual tapestry? Yeah each animal is sort of grasping the one in front of it. So that's my path. Shut up.

I should have looked more closely at what was going on in that tapestry. Yep, that's my journey. Your gifts may help us in a great quest to save all the food. I'm excited to get to your quest, and we'll get to that in a second segment. So where I come from having sex with animals is a little bit frowned upon. Is that not the case here? Like you said, or what is the general thought

on having sex with animals in your food? I think we've all figured a spider. It's just a when you're a young wizard and learning your way about the world, you account a certain animals out in the wild as you become one with nature and commune with the powers that be in the universe and sometimes that happens in a sexual manner. I see nothing strange about this. How do you even, how would you, I don't think I want an answer, but I don't know how you could physically finger a spider. Consent.

Okay, well that's good, that's a good start. So, Chant, how long have you been a badger? Going on about two weeks now. Two weeks? How often? Like getting any. Yeah, badgers, I mean, I've been scaring off any potential next body.

Ah, okay. Badgersaring off any potential next body. Uh-huh. Okay. Bathers are terrifying. Look at me. I mean, I thought you were kind of this adorable talking animal. I mean, I'm not, and please don't take this as their insult. Like, I'm not, like, personally interested in having sex with you. I'm just not having sex with animals.

If you were to become one of the great blue tigers, you could help me on my quest, yay to save all the food, and we must save food! We're gonna get to that quest. We're gonna get to that quest in just a little bit. Okay, so I guess I don't wanna dwell

on B.C.ality so much right out of the gate. You know, the listeners aren't familiar with this world at all, and they don't know my, I'd like to sort of talk a little bit about the town that this tavern is based in it's called hog face and it's mostly like vacation destination it's a tiny hamlet huh a lot of animal come from food to escape you know the dark lord or just get away from work hey but they cannot escape the dark lord for his powers ever reaching and ever growing and it is up to us

To take on this quest and defeat the dark lord. Who is the dark lord? It's speaking not his name. That's what the dark master is often called or the dark one And if you say his name a great ruin shall come on to you and your family and if you say his name, great ruin shall come on to you and your family. Okay. So speak not this name. I don't know his name. You do not speak it for words.

I have great power. Don't say it, don't say his name. I won't say it, I can't spell his name. If I say it, it's an accident. We'll learn the name so you don't accidentally say it. Do not learn the name. Learning the name shall bring great ruin upon you. Think about what a dark Lord might be named.

Like think of like 10 possible names and don't say any of those Yes, exactly you know I'm cream if you thought That was a not correct if I if I think of a name that I think could be a dark lord's name straight up Don't say it. We'll make a list later and we'll write it down and then we'll burn the list Will it be a list of names and'll write it down and then we'll burn the list. Will it be a list of names and one of them will be the actual name, but you won't say which one it is. Yeah, I will not write the name.

For writing the name, giving it shape, we'll give him more power. You will write names that you think may be at an end and then we'll burn the list. Yes, that's the only one. That seems like it will stop. And we'll keep making lists until you get right. I'm not gonna do that. Ten lists every week. I am gonna opt out on that.

It's worth doing it, really, is. For the safety of a phone, it's worth doing. At knowledge of the name, it will bring ruin on to you. But with knowledge, there's also a grip on it. If you accept this power, then you can help me. Am I going to have to control it? I'm sorry. We're going to get to this quest. I swear, we're going to get to this quest.

No, I apologize. You mentioned that hog face is a vacation destination. It's lovely here. I've noticed that there's this big road. There do seem to be a lot of travelers that kind of come through hog face on their way from one part of the kingdom, if that's what it's called to another. This big road, what is it, the north road?

It goes by many names. It's called the People's Road, the youths, Folly, the Fools Aaron, questioning way. I have always known it as Stuart's Path. Blistering Trail, Stuart's Path, Ladyface. Ladyface? Stool, uh, Stewards Path, yeah. Lady face. Lady face. You take it, just go down, take a left on lady face and, yeah. Is it confusing that it has so many different names? People, people know what you're talking about.

For names of great power, and if you accept this power into your heart, then you can help me my quest. And we can control and feed the dark. And feed the dark lord. Defy it. Why would you feed the dark lord Why would you feed the dark lord? It sounds like he said, did you hear feed the dark lord? Did you feed the dark lord? Don't feed the dark lord.

If you are your wisdom, if you believe in yourself and your power, I know that you will help. Can you hold the dark lord? I know that I know the view. I know the view. You're upset. I'm not convinced you're saying four words. I can't. He's in his wizard state. Wizard state.

Yes. The most powerful wizard in the land when they concentrate. And then we shall all be free! You know, that kind of level change that fast is hard. I'm sorry, I was in the wizards state. Okay, maybe it's a good idea for us then to segue into what is this quest. No, no, no, no, let's talk about Hog's face. We're basically known for a culinary destination.

Oh. Some of the best food you're going to find in Fune. We're also known for our coastal beaches. And for our gambling, we have a lot of competitions, a lot of gambling. Yes, why not? What's going on? So people love the food here.

Rich, delicious desserts that shall turn your heart into such a realistic, Linux, explosive thing. I am very soul-reach out of your body if you taste these wondrous delights and then you shall weep a single tear for you think of the future of food and you know that the Dark Lord is growing in power And that we must do something that defeat him immediately If no need to not gather our forces and take some action to defeat him Here comes his going to the living state

See? Oh, do you know this to change? I do! It's tough. I have to be honest. I'm having a trouble following Yusudor The things he says all the way through Like even before he starts talking quietly, I find that I'm not really listening anymore. Oh.

You know, he's just, that's part of the Wizard's State. So we have terrific food here. Oh, really wonderful. Kill code and there he delights. So if I'm a visitor, so most of of people listening to this are gonna be from my world So if I'm a visitor from my world Again, that was called Chicago. Well earth Chicago. There's a lot of names Chicago how did can we ask because we told you the story of

Hogs face it seems tit for tat It is in order of your world and the how to Hogs face it seems to protect It is an order of your world and the How did Chicago get its name? How did Chicago get its name? Well, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just re- Let me channel my thoughts and focus I see here on your device you have

Dots Let me connect to this device and I shall see Yes, yeh. The Windy City is stinking, I am not! This is not the Wizard's day at all. I tapped into his weepy, and I did see the great story of Chicago and it is a great fire to burn. And I, in like a very phoenix, it rise out of those flames, even grander than before, spires like you have never seen.

Great, listening gods pointing to the very heavens. This is an evil place And that's actually how I got its name Yusidor, I'm so sorry. I don't think we have time this week to talk about your quest I've been reading I've been wanting to start a podcast and I've been reading that they shouldn't go too long a good way to start a I've been reading that they shouldn't go too long, a good way to start an initial listenership is to not overstay your welcome with the first couple of episodes. Perhaps I could return on a future. I don't know what a future what would you call it. Guys every week I'm gonna be recording here in the Vermillion Minotaur. You're welcome to come back.

I am the nice hour turned until I have gathered the forces that are the feet of a great evil master and yey! The Vemelian Minotaur suddenly saved an olive fog space and olive food! Yes, yes, yes, I shall return and I shall be here every week until you know that it will be safe for you to be here. While he's whispering in the wizard state, I'm going to remind you, to please look up the hello from the magic tavrn on iTunes give us a good rating maybe write a review that's why people can find the podcast and you know get the word out that not only that this is an inner-generated podcast more importantly there is another world connected to our world and then I'm sort of trying to spread the

word about it can people look up chun? People, I would recommend people do not look up chun. Where I'm coming from, I don't know for a fact that it means anything, but I would not Google image search chun. I feel like there's a, I don't know, I know that you don't know what that is. You know what that is? No offense. I feel like it's not...

It's not a good thing to watch out for. So thank you everybody so much and join us next week from the Magic Tavern. It's a delicious... A-O-T-R-S-P-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E Well, what a fanciful bit of imagining that was, but remember, it's all pretend. Arnie Neacamp plays himself. Usador the Wizard is played by Matt Young. Chunt, the talking badger, is Adel Raphye. All three of them perform with world news tonight at the I.O. Theater.

This pretend experience is produced by Evan Jacoba and Ryan to Georgie, and edited by Ryan to Georgie, with music by Andy Polin and extra audio assistants from Jason Knox. You can find out more about how the show isn't real by visiting www.hellofromthemagictavron.com or learn more on Twitter at MagicTavron. This entire fantastical situation, ha ha, was sponsored by JackboxGames with the help of the Chicago Podcast Cooperative. Learn more about JackboxGames at jackboxgames.com and the Chicago Podcast Cooperative at ChicagoPodcastCoop.com