Hello From The Magic Tavern - 13 - Boys’ Night

Episode Date: May 27, 2015

Instead of a whole guest and interview and all that, Chunt, Usidore and I are just gonna hang out and chat tonight. Boys' Night!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungOtok Barleyfoot: Nick BaerMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiMusic: Andy PolandEpisode Cover Art: Ross BryantYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real, but it is really sponsored by Maxisstentialism, a monthly Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast on the magical land of fune, I'm your host Arneene Kemp. If this is your first time listening to the podcast, first of all, you should really go back to the beginning and start there, but if not, this is what's going on. A few months ago, I fell through a dimensional hole behind Burger King into the magical land of fune. Luckily, I have my podcasting equipment and I'm getting a slight Wi-Fi signal

from the Burger King through the portal I can only imagine. And so I'm hosting a weekly podcast, kind of sharing the things I'm learning about this amazing magical land. As always, I am joined by my buddies here in Foon, Yusidor, the wizard. I am Yusidor, a wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of magical delights, devourer of chaos.

Champion of the Great Halls of Tarakis, the Elves Nomi is fying Yelak, the Duolves Nomi is Zodan who extends his, and I am known to the North East as Gaspwanis Mastah. And there may be other secret names of my the YouTube nuts and I'll throw it to chun chun here you know I've been to the Greyhalls of Trakas they should be called the okay halls of Trakas. Yeah you say. They've just gone all over their crumbly.

But they're filled the great libraries of Tarkas and I feel like it was like 40,000 copies of the same type of book We're in it spells spells and cells and so on But to the train die there's so much to go through and then to become a champion of the halls of Tarkas is a great honor One must study you become a champion of the great hallsrakis? Where do you must prove yourself in battle? Magical battle? Oh, oh, man. Have you ever been in magical battle, you said,

or? Of course, that's how I became a champion of the Greyhels of Trakis. That's right there in my name. Tell us about your battle day. Oh, well, you see, I spent a week preparing. And I went through all the scrolls that I could find in the libraries of Trakis. And I learned every spell that I could cram into my head.

How does that work? Like you look at the scroll and then you just kind of memorize it? Is that how it works? Well, you must be able to read the runes and understand them. You couldn't simply look at them and take them in and repeat what they say and expect magical things to happen. You must be able to interpret them. You must understand that the very source of my power is light and shadow, and that I use the stuff of shadows to create my magical wonders. Yeah, I hate to put you on a spot.

Would you mind? No, no, I'm sorry. Because I really enjoyed it. Would you mind making another tiny horse? Oh sure. Maybe with like a little top hat. A little top hat? And make him walk on two legs and then really. legs. I mean now we fun for tonight, right?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's probably worth mentioning that well first of all for new listeners Chant is a talking badger. I'm a shifter. Yeah, it's a little more complicated, but essentially you're a talking badger for now Yeah, and this week we don't have any guests which I am for now. Yeah. And this week, we don't have any guests, which I am taking as a positive. It's just a time for us buds to catch up. Go stories.

No, who? Yes. Yes, I have many go stories. Yeah, things have been a little slow with the Vermilion Minotaur since last week. Well, that was a barbed- That was a barbed- Well, that was a barbed-

Yeah, yeah. Crowned destroyed some stuff, killed a few people, had to be driven out of Hogs' faith. Luckily, all of the unwed mothersethers escaped unhombed. Yes, that is great. That is great news. Some of their children back. Oh yeah.

Well, I don't know if any listeners at home are keeping a tally of how many children are. But now it just made this again. Now there's just this unwed. So, the unwed Methers are just unwed. So many references to child death. And it's a little upsetting. I'm a new father.

So what happens to,what happens to Diablo? I mean, it happens, but people avoid talking about it. That's even weird. Because it's upsetting, it's like the most upsetting thing. Everything dies. Damn, that's true. A lot of things die here in food, and then they back to life, and that's why there are so many ghost stories.

Yeah, so, Chunt, speaking of ghost stories, I kind of want to learn a little bit more about... My dad. About your dad, yeah, who's a hunger ghost, right? He is a hunger ghost, yeah. So, how did your mother remind me? She's a mantocorp. A mantocorp?

What is a mantocorp again? A mantocorp, I mean, it can be... There's a few different types of mantocorp, but my mom is, she has a lion's head, a scorpion's body. Wow, dragon wings. Yeah? That's the hard thing. But my mom is, she has a lion's head, a scorpion's body, dragon wings. Yeah, that's the hard thing. You're making it, you're crunching up your face.

I'm trying to really, my mom. I have not, I have never, she's beautiful. I'm sure she is. I feel like I'm starting to understand you a little bit better knowing that that's what your mother is. Like the fact that you change into different animals after having sex with them. Yeah, do you think I just did that for fun? It's hereditary. Oh, so you get that from the

Manticore. Like, for a hunger ghost has sex with the Manticore. Specifically, a combination of a hunger ghost and a Manticore, which is unbelievably rare. Yeah, it sounds like it. Because usually hunger ghosts, they can't be bothered with sexual activity. They're just so hungry. They're so hungry. They just walk the planes of food looking for sustenance. So explain a hunger ghost again? I mean, it's in the title. It's someone who dies while hungry. Okay.

So what? Is that hard to grasp? What was your father before he was a hunger ghost? He was hungry. Okay. And they died and became a hunger ghost. It read before that, like what? He was hungry. And okay. And they died and became a hunger ghost. Red before that, like what?

Like, do you know much about his life before he was a hunger ghost? He doesn't talk about it a ton. He's usually, I mean, he'll start to talk and then he's like, what's for dinner? And it's like, well, yeah, you know. Is he still with us? He's dead. I mean, he's a ghost. I bet the ghost hasn't been exercised.

No, he's, I mean, the ghost is a lot serious. Yeah, I mean, I only see him once every, maybe once every two or three blunders just because he he has to literally walk around food just in a constant search. So I'll be right into my once final state of my place. And your mother, you still see your mother. She's still around. She lives in a cave down south. Yeah, she'll send me, you know, she'll send me some packages, send me some sweaters or, you know. So is it tough being raised by a hunger goats than a man to core?

I'm sorry, this is maybe a little personal where they still together, while you are? They're not, they're divorced. They're divorced. So it was kind of a, it was hard to say. But they were married. They were married. It was kind of impressive that they were able to even,

you know, get that going. Very briefly, but it's, it was hard growing up in like sort of a split split home and Just being at school and people being like a fucking sheep sheep They're like sheep shifters go home and say that's not right right are like when's your mom coming? Uh, you know eat me and it's like that you know tell your mom to eat me and I'm like sure literally yeah Each here. Oh, that's right. You did tell me they were married. You told me that You're father hilariously ate all of the cake.

Mm hmm. That was how he died. That was how he died. Nice. Oh, wait. So he, so he died. The A. What can't you grasp? Seems to me enough. So your father was a normal person. A hungry person? No, I was hungry. He got married because he was like, he's like, oh, marry someone who can cook for me

because my mom's so amazing. Her spice potatoes, I mean, rival the Ramellian sauce. Well, really? Yes, I mean, I'm partial, but he wanted to marry someone who could cook for him, you on a regular on the rig and He was so excited they got married and then they brought out the wedding cake and it was just like he lost his mind He's like, oh my god. Here we go. I need it and he he ate himself to death. So they were married for just a few hours Yeah, but they made the relationship work for those few hours those two two hours, they consummated the marriage.

And you can't even work. On the dance floor. That's how you do it. That's how, so our whole. In Fune, when you have to prove your love for one other, so you have, you know, quite as in front of the party. Wow. Is that just a proof that it happens? That's what it just said.

Yes. To prove your love. Sometimes I feel like you don't listen to me. Now there's something I would like to unpack from that recent exchange. You mentioned that you didn't like the Spice Potatoes here Arnold. I don't like the Spice Potatoes here. And that's fine, it's secrets, it's boys' nights. Yeah.

All the secrets come out. What do you like? Otox surely must make something that you enjoy. There's a wonderful food here. The roost don't like the rooster feet. It's just a little too weird for me. I'm sorry. That I understand.

That's a quiet taste. Yeah. The spice potatoes, I mean, in my world with potatoes, you bake them or you mash them. You do any kind of things. Here, it's just a potato. I don't even think it's washed. No.

It's just rubbed in spice. Oh, delicious. Just take a big bite. A lot of crunch of a spicy potato. It's just not, I guess, it's just not my thing. Since we're sort of telling secrets, can I play something? Can I come clean?

Can you come clean? Can I come clean? Come clean. Do you listen to me? What thing? When you first moved in with me, I was, you were gone and I was sort of going through your stuff and you know, I was on your laptop and so on.

I found something in your jeans that you left, it's a Snickers, and I gave it, and it was maybe the best thing I've ever eaten. Yeah, it was, I had a candy bar. Snickers? A Snickers. It's a candy bar from my world, and I- What does that mean?

Well, it's- I mean, I know what candy is, but- Yeah, it's just like- How do you make a bar of candy? It's just a candy in the shape of a bar. It's like, it's like, it's like turd shaped, which doesn't really really was. It really is.

And I first thought I was like, I was like, I'm like, Arnie pooped and there was so embarrassing put it in his pocket. Like he hit it in his pocket. And I was like, pooped and I was in a wrapper. And I thought it was cold. Because on the wrapper, it said snickers. But it was like half. It was like peeled back. So you bought this piece of turd candy,

and then you wrapped it up and wrote a name on it? No. Do you name all your turds? Boy, it's night, secret time. Go story your confused by this. All right, you know what? OK, I'm going to answer all these questions as quickly as I can.

I did not write anything on it. You buy it. You buy it. You buy it. You buy it. You buy it. You buy it. You buy it. You buy it.

Come on. You buy the candy. It comes pre-ratt with it written on it. I do not name all of my turds. For. But as a promise to you on Boy's Night, Boy's Night, I will name all of my turds for the next.

Boys night! Shunt, please. Shunt's up with that. Oh, guys, something that I've been saying. Let's, you know what, let's get drunk. Yeah. You know what, I mean, I know we drink here. We probably drink a little too often.

We're always hanging out in this tavern. But we never really, like, kind of just let loose and really just drink. You're not drunk. You used to do our guy drunk that one really just drink. You're not drunk. You used to do our guy drunk that one time. Yeah, I'm always drunk. That's how else to deal with the pain of life. That makes a lot of sense.

I'm so sorry. Did you make the tiny horse to run off? Oh, I'm sorry. I totally forgot. We got sidetracked. We start talking about Turokas. Just a tiny horse. Yeah, make the tiny horse.

What? It stands on two legs. Where's the top hat and kind of shimmies? Like two legs? Yeah, well, have them walk on two legs, but like strut with a little tiny top hat and he keeps strut. Okay, this is a little different than what I did before, so give me a moment here.

Be on a fuck drum, be lay for a car. Bus, Tatefe! A C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C Hold this, Snickers. I don't know what they look like. I make him hold it, too. Hold it, too. Hold it, too. Hold it, too. Oh, oh, oh. This guy's doing something. He's eating it. He's eating it. What a stupid little horse. Guys, no.

There's a turquoise. You're tickled. Anything you think can happen. It guy's neck. Oh, wonderful. What a horse. This is fun. That is truly, that's what.

I feel like there's literally anything goes right now. Yes. There's something's been troubling me sure many of your listeners who write in to us through these I don't know the channels they often are skeptical of my abilities and my magical powers so I wanted to teach everyone One magical spell. Oh, can we do it too? Yes, of course. We're all going to learn the spell together We're wondering if do we need to spell will work on earth like I wonder I assume so okay, well, let's not dwell on it right So I'm going to teach you illuminate. Oh, do anything do we need no just yourself? It's a very simple spell. It's one that is learned through words,

but you must concentrate and focus on the energies around you. If you find yourself in a darkened place, it's a very simple beginner spell. Yeah, you cast illuminate, and magical light fills the room. So, here, let me, I'm gonna both the candles here. Yeah, perfect. All right. now repeat after me

Galeave Galeave Lichten Litten comma Car Galeave Lichten comma So now this time say Galeave Lichten comma really focus

Galeave Lichten Commer really focus Klee Yeah, you say oh no jump and she's a wizard state He just said cranked on the wind crunch time. He definitely said crunch time Huh, oh are you alright? What happened you went to the wizard state whoa? Well, you're a shape changer You have magical abilities. It's not impossible to you. You could become a magician in time. That's amazing You look cool doing it. You I mean you look just like you said order was cool. Okay, you looked cool. Yes Boys night boys night

Let's get some more mead First let me turn the lights back on here. Galeye, you've licked in color. Oh, that's how it's done. Yes, that's how it's done. Barky, support drinks for me and my friends. An ale for me and Arnold. What are you drinking? I'll have a mead. Mead, Arnold and Chant. Give me a mead with a little splash of raspberry. A regular mead with raspberry to nail. Oh, something for the tiny horse, please? Oh, it's only for the tiny horse. A mint lacour.

To wash down this shit. Yes, that's good. That's a J-Sareable. Well, most nights. Oh, most nights. Look at him, try to sit on his little top hat. Oh, that's not where it goes, especially on your head. Yes, it's not very it goes especially on your head

So you said or tell me I've been wondering for a while like we learned a little bit about how you came into existence that you just Appeared No, that's the way all wizards come into the world. You just were born fully Formed right. Did you look the same eight like have you aged since then or did you are you like fully old man with old man beard? I look exactly the same as I always have. Yes, I fully formed as I am now. Did you have a full vocabulary when you? Yes, well you see Wizard. There are many magicians and mages and conjurers in the world. One can learn magic, but a wizard. A wizard is a force of nature like the tornado, or the tidal wave. We just simply exist when we need to exist.

And I have existed here on this phone for low these past three centuries. And I've spent this time fighting great battles becoming a great champion of Turokus. Yeah, did you ever say who you fought in the Great Halls of Turokus? Oh, well, I fought Telifis. What?

Telifis, the White. It was a difficult battle for a blue wizard to fight a White wizard, but I did manage to pull it off. You see, as a master of light and shadow, I controlled a little bits of matter that form the shadows that you cast and with that shadow is able to bind him and Stop him from casting his spells after three long hard hours of battle and then I Tried to upside down. I shook him as hard as I could. Oh, yes, that's right out

That's great. That's the best I can do. When a wizard dies, and I feel so stupid for not knowing this, when a wizard dies, does it get brought back, or is it just done? Each of the planes of Ephesians are these mystical realms that are tied to a physical realm. Foon is tied to the 12th realm of Ephesians, so I am one of the wizards of Ephesians as 12th realm. And when I die, shall we turn to Ephesians as another spirit or what you may call a deity of sorts, a demigod, and then- Seems like a bit much. Like a god, like you're telling us that you're a god. I said demigod. This is from a guy who eats shit from his pocket But hey, you know, I but chen how much of my stuff did you go through when I lived with you?

Everything all of it. Yeah, I you are bringing a stranger to your home I think you would go through sticks. Yeah, got on your computer looked around a little bit That's why I can't I feel like my computer is really messed up. I wasn't sure if it was just the fact that the Wi-Fi and the Burger King's, the Firewall, but I think that you probably just messed up all my tabs, first of all. Like, can I, since again, we're sharing secrets, can I share some of the secrets? What about what I found on Arnie's computer, Yusidor? Yes, I would love to.

I found out this whole time on Earth There is a kingdom There is it's called dyes-ni and it's a magical kingdom That exists that people go to and they pay money. Oh, it's a cold dyes-ni dyes-ni dyes-ni. Oh the magic kingdom Disney you said that there was no magical realms in your land Well, no there is I mean it's like a fake magical realm. It's like a place where you go and pretend that there's magic Why would you go and pretend that there's magic? Yeah, don't you guys pretend things here? Don't you have like us to escape this reality? You're just like oh wouldn't it be fun if I drink?

this reality, you're just like, oh, wouldn't it be fun if I- Yes, I drink. We do that in my world as well, but you know, until you're old enough to drink, you have all these, you know, magic to drink. Now, do you have to be to drink? You have to, I mean, legally, you have to be 21 years old. What? I know.

Many, I would say the majority of people in food die before they're 21 years old. I thought we didn't talk about the death of children. Okay. Sorry. You're right. I think you're full of lies. But I do think I'm beginning to understand, you're saying that this place is some great fiction.

Yes. As if a theatrical troupe had come to town to put on some dumb show. Yeah, it's basically as if people got together, made up like a fake story and shared it and were pretending that it was real. And they're like, oh, obviously this is real, but it's not. I can see how that might be quite enjoyable.

Sure, I mean, it is very... Take a sip. I mean, that's the... If there is any magic in my world, if there is any Disney magic, it is that it just makes people want to go there. I would love to take you guys, but I don't, I can't get myself back to Earth,

let alone figure out how to get you guys Yeah, that's a brings up another good point What I was looking around through the the stacks of Turokus in the library I Came across a Spell that everyone laughed at me for learning, but it is coming quite handy to Arnold here Miniscule lightning I learned the here. Miniscule Lightning. I learn the spell of miniscule Lightning. I've used it to power your devices.

Oh yeah, yeah. Miniscule Lightning is been very helpful. That's why my laptop is still recharged. Although I've been noticing the power has been lessening more quickly. Like I feel like the miniscule Lightning is charging it, but also weakening the battery. I feel like it's gonna destroy it.

Oh, then I guess you want him to stop? Oh, I'm, boys, night. Boys, night. Boys, night. All right, guys, you know what, let's take, let's go get some more drinks. This time it's on me because I'm making a little bit of coin from our sponsorship from the Vimeleon Minotaur.

So next round's on me. Did you ever notice that the, and Foon, the bigger the coins, the more they're worth? No, yeah. All right. That's like classic chants. Classic chants, chants up with that. Did you ever notice that the, and food the bigger the coins, the more they're worth? No, yeah. Alright. That's like classic chants. Classic chants, chants up with that. Alright, we're gonna take a quick break and hear a few words from our sponsor,

Otock Barleyfoot, the owner of the Vermillion Minotaur. Come to the Vermillion Minotaur, where for every pint of meat you drink, I could use a pint of meat. Alright, easy. Fiann, yell it. For every pint of meat you drink, free rumor. Free on the house, free rumor. I would like one pint of meat.

Are you going to pay this time? No, I'm good for it. Vermillion Minotaur, right on the edge of Mixingle Shane Forest. All right, and we're back. You know what, before trying to you said you wanted to do ghost stories, maybe we should, you know, it's boys night. Let's turn some of these candles down, you know, sip on our drinks and tell some ghost stories.

I'd love to hear some. Here's what we'll do. Whoever's telling a story, you use, step on our drinks and tell some ghost stories I love to hear something here's what we'll do whoever's telling a story You use the illumination spell in front of your space to make it as spooky as possible. Okay Okay, all right you I don't want to go first though Because you can't remember this stuff. I can't remember this but I mean I feel like I was forgetting it as I learned it Gave licked in karma Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman who lived in a beautiful cabin in the woods. It seemed like they would live together happily forever. And before too long, a baby was born onto the woman.

And after a terrible blunder, that child... The season blunder. Didn't... Yes, the season blunder. Shouldn't interrupt. This is a ghost story, sorry, boys. That's a thing. Boy, see, after a terrible blunder, the child was lost. So dark in the wood, the woman thought the man was watching the child, and the man thought

the woman was watching the child, and it wandered off into the forest to be devoured by lions. Yes, those lions of the forest that do harass the people of the southwest part of the food, the man and the woman were terribly terribly upset. Yeah, I can only remember this. So sad over the loss of their child, this dead child in their life. Oh no. Just then, a scraping at the door. Oh, boy's that.

They run to the door and open it, but there's nothing there. A scraping at the back door. The woman ran to it, but there's nothing there. Descraping it at the back door. The woman ran to it, but there was nothing there. They go to bed. They hear a scraping at the window, and a wee little... Wee wee. Wee. They throw up in the window, but there's nothing there.

The next morning, they go outside, their prints were small feet have been coming up to the doors and the windows clearly tearing up the ground trying to get in. For the next six nights, something tries to get in, but they can't find them, they can't make its purchase into the little cabin And then on the seventh night The woman says don't answer it

Not this time leave it shut Scraping at the window scraping at the other door crying at the window, scraping at the other door, crying at the other window, crying at the other door, all night getting louder and louder. Whaaay! Whaaay! Scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape! The next morning, they woke up, opened the door, and there were 12 dead children outside of the house. No, 12! Trying to get in desperately all night long.

Boys night. Boys night, that was awful. They didn't discover any of the dead children the nights before, they just... Clono is a ghost before, but then real children showed up. Trying to get in. Wow, that had a real internal logic to it. I thought it was great.

That was a great ghost story, thank you. It was a little long, it was like a vaterralex email a little bit See me a sprouted shop. Oh, thank you. So that's great. John. Do you have a ghost story? Yeah, what was killing? Gileve licked in comma. Klee looking comor So here's my ghost. Oh nice thing. Thank you. Oh, yeah,, my face look magic glowing. Yeah, this is gonna be able to do that So here's here's my ghost story One time when I was like three my dad came home and he was like What is what is all this in the lawn? I was like what are you talking about puppy? And he said

Why are there acorns scattered around the lawn? And I was like, because at the time I was a squirrel and I was like, well, Poppy, I'm just having fun. I'm learning what squirrels do. Because every time I become an animal, I have to learn what that animal does. I have to go through that whole learning curve, the growing pains as you would.

Some of it instinctual though. A lot of it is instinctual and that's how I do learn. But it is something I have to think around with. My dad was like so weirdly mad and I was like, dad, like just sit down and relax. I made him some, I just made him like some pork shoulder, which was great and some potatoes and stuff. And he was, of he was so hungry.

Yeah, he ate us so quickly and it was, so thankful and then you know a few hours later He's hungry again. I was just like the best. It was just like the best whole time with my dad Yeah, that's my ghost good. There's good story. Yeah, there's definitely no, I mean that's technically that is a ghost story Absolutely. Was it boys night? Were they boys? Boys night boys night See me they sprawl you off. Oh, thank you. Oh wow. Okay. I'm gonna try. I don't now Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, world much like this, but different, there was a family. Wait, how can a world be much like this, but different? Just go with it.

Boys night. Boys night. There was a family, and they moved into a new home, and they were enjoying this home very much. And then one day, the mother discovered that the chairs in the kitchen started moving on their own. And at first, it seemed like a fun game to her. She would place the chairs in the kitchen and they would fly to the other side of the kitchen. And she even set her daughter down and her daughter would fly across the kitchen. Oh, be with your chairs.

When the father came home from his job of selling homes much like of this home. He saw it and they all thought it was a game, but slowly over time, weirder and weirder things started happening in this house. And then one night, all hell broke loose. Light started shining from the daughter's closet and the daughter was sucked into the closet and disappeared. What? The family could not find the daughter's closet and the daughter was sucked into the closet and disappeared. What? The family could not find the daughter and she started speaking to them out of the television in this like a box.

What? A box? Out of like just a... How can she be gone but be inside a box? That's the thing. Can she be gone but also inside the box? That's what I'm asking. Boys, and they were worried.

So they brought in some experts, and the experts used a lot of equipment to try to measure if there was anything supernatural going on inside the house. And they said that there was. One of the guys went to the kitchen to get some fried chicken and started to pull the flesh off of his face.

There's a lot going on in the story. Yeah, but it's good. It's one of the best ghost stories for my world. Oh, so this is a well known ghost story. This is a well known ghost story. Oh, I thought you were making one up. No, it's a really well known ghost story. So well known, it's probably being retold this summer

in my world. So then a very small woman comes to help. And she says, there's a dog. What's in the goblin? It was not a goblin. It was just a small woman with comes to help. And she says, there's a dog. Was it a goblin? It was not a goblin. It was just a small woman with like tall hair. And she said, there's a dog presence in this house. It holds her close to it and says things only a child

would understand. And she's there to help. Blah, blah, blah. They tie a rope around the husband. He jumps into the closet and he grabs the, maybe it was the wife. Ty and the voice, you get real. Maybe it was the wife. And she grabs the child and they fall through the floor into...

The child was in a box. Yeah, but she was also in the closet. She's in two places at once. And then they are covered in goo and they're in the bathtub and And they're like, oh, but luckily we got her back everything solved but then all but then all hell breaks loose again and Coffin start coming out of the pool and they're like, oh, they moved the tombstones but not the bodies and then they left in the house

disappeared And they went to a hotel and they moved the TV. How about the room? What? Is that one in? That's the end. That's the ghost story. So was a girl stealing a cyber box?

Did children in that at all? No! That's what's great about it. Like it seems like maybe there's gonna be a dead child but then there's not the whole family still together Although in real life that child did die Unfortunately In fact the in fact, so this is a real ghost story Yeah, well, no, well then like that girl died and then the older girl actually died before her. It's pretty Wow, well that is terrifying. You should've started with that. Yeah, I'm sorry

Wow, this is terrifying. You should've started with that. Yeah, I'm sorry. Wow. This is... Boys night. Boys night! Boys night! F***! Guys, you know what? Let's keep Boys night rolling, but... I don't need to keep doing this podcast the whole time. You know, we can tell each other secrets, and not worry about all the people on Earth,

finding out about it, like, just enjoy each other's company. They can know all of my secrets. I don't care about the people on Earth. Well, you know, I basically... ...podcast should probably only be so long Wizards have two buttolls Whoa, what? Yes, it's true. You know, I told you when I was Snickers, that's right. Double Snickers.

Don't. Is anything in your world double Snickers? I mean like a Snickers on top of another Snickers. I mean, I'm sure it's happening. That sounds good. So wait, I don't I don't know why I'm asking this. Yes. You seem curious. When you said a snicker's on top of a snicker's, I just assumed that you two by the holes were side by side, but are they on top of each other? Like what's the decision?

Or is it like, when you consider the crack of a dairn, it would not make more sense for them to be stacked one upon the other rather than side by side? It does. It totally makes sense for one behind the other. It can side. Yeah. Well, I mean, technically, probably that's how, I mean, buttholes are a series of sphincters. So there is, I mean, I have two buttholes if you think about it that way. You're always it. Might be. Let's, let's quick, you know be. Let's do this. Let's answer a couple of emails and then we'll talk about Buttholes all night. Great.

Boys night. I got an email here. This is from a channa gmail.com. That's chant with six teas because the other ones were taken somehow. This is from Diane Peabody. She writes, Steer Chant, my daughter really wants a zebra at her birthday party. Baby girl gets what she wants. But it can't seem to locate any good zebra renting services. Would you mind fucking a zebra and shooting me an email when you're done? Thanks. Hey Diane, I mean,

zebras are very attractive. I would love to become a zebra. So if I find one, I will definitely shoot you an email. Let me know if your daughter is, you said it's a birthday party. Let me know if she's in a box or if she's just, if she's just around. Because maybe she boxed or a closet or a box at the same time. It's very confusing. Okay, let's, I'll do this quick. You know, we've actually, I'm so excited. We started to actually getting a lot of emails, even though our email address is magic tavern at puppies.supplies. I think at first people didn't believe it was real. Luckily, we do now. I feel bad that we can't get to all of them. I'll try to get to more of them in future episodes.

Has your wife emailed you yet? My wife? And my wife is not emailed me yet. Sure, if you can hear me email chunt. And I will pass along your message. Please do, sir. I will look into a mirror and say, you should owe three times. Is that you contact?

You use it? It's one of the many ways you can contact me. Oh wow, I didn't know that. That's good to know. That's useful information. I can also reach us on Twitter if you're figuring a bear. I'm sure that's already taken, but we'll try our best. Look it up and see what you find.

You might not like it. OK, here's an email from Todd. Here's an email from Todd. Here's an email from Todd Goldman. The subject is high-ernie at all. It's Arnie, not Ernie. Hey, love the podcast. Thank you. Thanks for taking the time to report such important anthropological information about Thune.

Thank you, Todd. I'm sure your wife is perfectly content in your absence, comforting yourself with the knowledge that your name will soon be synonymous with that of Galileo, Columbus, Amerigo, Armstrong, and Bieber. Mm-hmm. It's not where I don't wanna explain earth stuff to you guys. If you are concerned that she is not sufficiently comforted by your impending fame,

please just announce her address on the podcast, yeah, and I'll go over to comfort her myself. I don't like the sound of that. Yeah, come on, that really took a dark turn. Chancel with that. Chancel with that, all right. I'm not gonna read the rest of that email, but thank you for your email, Todd,

but please leave my wife. But no, thank you. But no thank you, please leave my wife alone. But, hold on, but hold on, all right, all right, you know what, I don't know, let's not call it that, let's, but it's nice! All right, thanks so... BORN IT'S NAKES! Alright, thanks so much for listening, we're gonna turn the podcasting equipment off,

and I'll see you here next week at the Magic Tavern. Take a bow, little horse. Oh, he has two bubbles. Well, that was a sizzling bolt of entertainment. No one ever invites me to boys' night. But anyway, it's all not real blah, blah, blah. Shunt The Badger was brought to life with another slap-dash, hurried performance by Adel Raffaier. Usador The Wizard was portrayed with some level of consistency by Matt Young, and O'Tock

Barleyfoot was played with a sweet and subtle eroticism by Nick Bear. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacoba and Ryan DeGeorgie, edited by Ryan DeGeorgie. Music by Andy Poland. Special episode art by Ross Bryant. Follow Ross on Twitter at Ross Bryant. Learn more about the show and see for yourself how it's not real because it's fake.

At hellofromthemagictavern.com, or follow us on Twitter at MagicTavon. Does hello from the MagicTavon have a Facebook page you might ask? Quiet, I would say, before agreeing with you. All of this meticulous world building was brought to you by the Zine Maxistentialism via the Chicago Podcast Co-op. Subscribe to Maxistentialism at maxistentialism.com and learn more about the Chicago Podcast Co-op

at Chicago PodcastCoCoop.com.