Hello From The Magic Tavern - 16 - Spintax the Green

Episode Date: June 17, 2015

I finally get to meet the famous wizard Spintax the Green! Maybe I should have told Usidore he was coming...CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungSpintax: Charlie McCrackinGlenn Miller: Nick GageSpants:Meridith StepienMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real, but it is really sponsored by Cards Against Humanity. They asked us not to read an ad. Enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Neekham. If you're new to the podcast, this is what's going on. I'm from Chicago on Earth. And months ago, I fell through a dimensional hole behind a Burger King into this sort of mystical, fantastical land of fune. Luckily, I'm getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King still,

I think, through the dimensional hole somehow. And I'm using that Wi-Fi to post a weekly podcast that I host here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon, and I'm joined by my co-host Chunt. Hello, and my wizard co-host. I am Spin Tax the Green, wizard of the third, ninth and twelfth realms of Ephesius, wielder of arcane forces, compelling the living in the dead, diviner of unknowable truths, caster of illusions, destroyer of lies, dissolver of the wall of fire, imbibre of the nine deadly poisons,

author of the Pandanamicon, and winner of the Wizards Choice Award, the dwarves know me as Nickelback Silver Chair, the angels know me as Mamakasael, the vampires know me as Cameron Orlando, in the South I am known as Lodestone Great Craft, and many other names. That you'll never know from my lips.

Wow, what was that name again? Spin Packs, the green! Oh great, you know what I appreciate? You know on a second go, you don't give the full name. Like, you know, we're normally joined by our buddy, Usador. You know, Usador? He's still around.

No, yes. He is. Still peddling his pebbles. Yes, it's true. Spintax, we've heard so many great things about your wizard, wizardry, wizardonic prowess. How would I say that?

That's perfect. Great. When you say I am such a huge fan, I was, when I heard about you dissolving the will of fire, I lost my mind. I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever heard of. So I'm just a huge fan. If I could get like an autograph for something

that would be amazing. Truth be told, wait, check your pocket. Oh my God, it's an autograph. Whoa, I don't know. This is real magic, aren't I? It is. This is amazing. We finally are getting some real magic on this podcast.

I'm so excited. So, SpinTax, I have a question for you. So, I know Yusador, the blue, his magic is generated by Light and Shadow. SpinTax, what is the source of your magic? Ah, yes, truth and lies. Those are the things that I form into magical mysteries, sustenance,

and whatever else I so choose. So your magic is sort of like the party game two truths in a lie? I'm not familiar. Well, it's a party game where you say three things about yourself. Two of those things are true and one is a lie. Ooh, it's funny. Then people have to guess. All right. All right.

I will say three things about myself. Be careful, Arnie. Because you may be working a magic. I might accidentally do green magic then. Quite possibly. So, three things about myself. One, I have slightly webtoes. Two, I deeply love my wife and child. Why?

No, that's true. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, mine. Uh, one. I once turned into a vampire bat. Two, Arnie sucks. Three Arnie sucks. There's two truths at one line. Well, you did definitely turn yourself into... I told three truths. No, two. Spin dags.

My turn? Fine. Although I must say, Chant, you broke the rules, a tad. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Two of those things were not statements about yourself. Oh, yeah, it's true. I'm so sorry. Oh, you know, I think...

I think Ernie sucks. Ernie, there you are. Wonderful. Game complete. Heh. Things about myself. Hmm. Hmm.

One truth, two truths, one lie. I've got them. One moment, reordering them, understood. Ready? Go! I was made by a... Oh, the answer to a riddle, posed by an angel to the four elements. Wow. Yes. I hope that's true. I reside in a multi-faceted gem that is worn between the bust of Queen to Dania. Whoa! Wow, what a lucky guy. And third, I have never eaten spice potatoes.

Three, three slice. Oh, that's the last. That's, yeah, definitely. I have, I love spice potatoes. I hate spice potatoes, but that was clearly a lie. I could just tell. Is it because I'm eating one now I'll foolish of me

Exactly What's you said are you old Hey, you said oh, what's you said are you old In text you old a ghost foot. That's good to see you old man. Oh rolling out of bed late. No, there's a little bit late this morning Yes, I found myself at home quite hungry I opened my cauldron and there was a Cobb web inside I opened my cabinets and there was a... Ah... Cobb Web inside. I opened my cabinets and there was a Cobb Web inside and I thought to myself,

what shall I do for sustenance? I shall take myself down to the Vermilion Minotaur and what do I find? But my two good friends and my old friends, Spintax, Citywide, I usually sit. Why are you smiling so weird? Oh, I don't know. No reason, just, uh, You're sweating some... Some pig-a, pig-leg-a, nothing.

Oh, you're not. You said, oh, as a famed sweater, back in the halls of Turokos, we called him Slippery. Oh, yes, that's one of the other names I didn't want them to know. Do you remember? Do you remember when we lived in the halls of T'rakis? Oh, how do you guys remember? Roommates? Oh, yes! Oh, yes, yes. So, in our formative years, you see, for what, the wizard-born, as I have mentioned,

there are only a few of us. We are put into special halls together where we stay to learn the magical arts, uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh Oh, sure. One time. One time I caught, I caught Yusador. Oh, slippery. Yes, oh, slippery. He was gone. I was gone. I left our room for a while and I came back sooner than he had expected. And there he was, robes, and a puddle on the floor. Another puddle of sweat, next to those. And in his hand, his wizard, staff. If you know what I am talking about, no lies there. I was only a hundred years old then, yeah, what did you expect at that age? I've lived on too long, you're not casting spells, right?

I have some, I have some stories about spin-tax as well. Oh. It will set your hairs upon end. There was a... Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Mm-hmm.

Oh, boys. Oh, I'm sweating so much. You said, OK. Can I ask you for a favor? Yes, what? I never thought to do this. Can I have your autograph? You want my autograph.

Yeah, can you just give me your autograph? Sure. I don't have a. Oh, he you just give me your autograph? Sure And have a oh he's reaching for a piece of parchment You're the dog check the pocket of your robe Here it is here's my autograph wow It was pretty pretty cool I have to admit oh I have a story. Oh, I remember now Yes, when we were headed to the great winter ball of Tarakas. Spintaks asked Genelevia to go to the ball with him, and Genelevia said, well, of course, but then when they got there, they had a lovely time.

And, uh... What was the funding part? Well, I'd had a crush on Genelevia for quite a while. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha I think you broke him. You said, or could you be a buddy? Could you go to the go up to the bar and just get a drink for me, spin-tax and chuchu? We're saying chuchu again. No, turn this chuchu. I let him I let him call me that now. That's where friends. All right. What would you like? I'll have a meat. Meat. Meat with a little bit of raspberry. Meat with raspberry. What would you like?

Oh, I'll take a rainbow bowl. Rainbow bowl. Who actually, I'll have a, I'll have a syntax test. Yeah, well I'll have rainbow bowls. That sounds amazing. Three of them whipped. Rainbow bowl, rainbow bowl, whipped.

Yeah, let's just get drunk on rainbow bowls. Boys night, boys night, boys night. Boys night. So spin-tax So funny to hear that name I I'd forgotten all about Ginny my date. Yeah spin-tax what I know the people of food know all about your like great feats and things But the people of earth might not know as much about them What are some of the great accomplishments that you've made? Oh?

Certainly well as I mentioned earlier. I'm a best-selling author of the great accomplishments that you've made? Oh, certainly. Well, as I mentioned earlier, I'm a best-selling author of the Panda Nummakan. Wow, tell me about the Panda Nummakan. Oh, it's an extensive list of all the demons I've met and banished from the early fall. Good, just could you give me a small taste of some of the demons? Oh, sure, of course.

There is a Jagraphale. He was the many horned flame beast. Yes, he's terrified. Yes, he fed on insecurities. Yes. He hung around in the capital city, where he prayed upon the politicals of the capital, made them act out and I banished them and we returned to a time of honesty and truth in the halls of the Senate. Wow amazing! Feel like we could use you on my plan on my dimension. I had to banish him by cutting off all of his thousands of horns.

Holy crap. I've ground them into a powder and spread them into the great black sea. Wow. Holy speed, that's just the coolest. This is the coolest I'm so excited that your hair's been tacked. Maybe one or two more accomplishments, if you don't mind. Certainly.

Well, one thing I can help you with, John, in upcoming accomplishment, if you're interested. Oh, my God, yes. I understand you're still using sex as a conversion technique. Yes. Yes. I can show you how to not rely upon sexual Congress to change. What?

Well, I can just do it at will or what are you talking about? Yes, at will. It takes a lot of concentration. It takes discipline. It takes a free hand. You know what I mean. Why did Houston or never teach me this? I don't know.

I'm not sure I fully understand this. Yeah, whatever it takes to teach me to do. Well, all wizards are alsoiced in the art of changing form Really we've never seen you so change for really no he just makes tiny horses that I may or may not fuck sometimes He made a tiny horse Yeah, what's your about holes? Do you have two balls? I weird? Yes, of course I do What have it one's for in ones for out?

What is rainbow bowl for you Rainbow bowl for you Is there all whipped and a rainbow bowl for you? Thank you. Hi, it's um, I It's good. Yeah, I'm glad. I'm very happy that it's so. You didn't get any So somebody didn't get anything for yourself. I forgot I'll be right back. All right. Bye-bye. Bye-bye slippery Took him long enough. Yeah, so what how do I change it will? Fine, let me tell you first of all you must enter a state of complete nurses calm Lay still on a bed.

Okay. Or a thatch of grass. Let me raise this up. Yes. Okay. Great. Wonderful. Invasion. The form you wish to take. Mm-hmm. Think about it over and again. Feel its body against your own.

What are you writing on my autograph? Huh? Oh, um, I crossed that out. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's been taking me.? Oh. Oh, I crashed it out. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's been taking a long time. Tell me how to change shape it will. Oh, well, that's the face. But you must be probably...

So you know about that? Yeah. Well, I don't know how a shapeshifter will change it will. But, uh, it's been takes a long time. I'm going ahead and go right ahead. I'm sorry. You don't recall? Uh, I know that I that. You don't recall?

I know that I can change into a broom handle, but not the brush if I'm very terrified. Just the broom handle part that screws into the brush though. Just, you turn into a stick. Well, but it's clearly a broom handle for it as the threaded part that goes into the brush of a broom. But then... Are you feeling alright? I'm sorry. Yes, of course!

Of course! Why would I not feel alright? I have good friend Spentaxes here tonight. Yeah. So everything is great. It's exciting. I mean, how you probably don't get a C-Spentax to the green that often. No.

Do you have any nicknames in the Green Halls of Trakas? I remember, Jenny, screaming your champion over and over again. Other than that, I can't make a point. I was a champion of the Hall of Tarakas that night. Oh, I gave her my one seed. Yes. Oh, with one seed? Yes.

A wizard at the moment of perfection releases a single seed. Wow. Yes, that is very true. It's a very focused and powerful piece of... ejaculate. ejaculate, thank you. Which only, oh, you don't even have to release

if you don't want to. I wanted to. Well, of course, but you do. Some of us believe you, but I, you know, I believe in a more... He sounds like Don Deeners don't know. No, I... so much Heming and Hying. A slightly more well-chased way of being a wizard.

I find as appropriate to the station that has been gifted to us by the very elements of the world for us our sacred duty to protect this realm. I, for the dark lord, is looming over all of us, and at any moment take on strike and destroy everyone in hogs face, everyone in skir, everyone in Dunston everyone in midclip everyone Everywhere every madman in child and if we do not defeat this evil this great and pronounced evil that does slowly creep upon us with every waking moment. What are you saying about? I just as we feel hurt a lot of a quest No one will go I'm not just saying about it. No, a song about when I first met Spancy.

My emotions take on a fair amount of quality. I have emotions and I know you can smell them, but just in case you cannot place the scent. I'll spare the smell out for you. I like A.E.Y.OYO, it sounds Hawaiian when I say it like that. And we're back. Thanks to Glenn Miller and Spansew are still here at the Vermilion Minotaur. You know, they're held over by popular requests. It's pretty awesome. But anyway, spin-tax, what requests are you working up?

I have a single purpose to defeat the Dark Lord, to join me. No! You said, oh. The Dark Lord is no threat. How dare you, sir! As long as there is power and darkness, there shall be a Dark Lord.

It's no fault of his. It's sort of sound, let me explain. He who holds the book of sight when the moon is drained of all its light, shall then be ruler of the night master of the dark. It's not his fault! It rhymes, I know. I know. But if we cast out the dark Lord, then this Dark Lord is particularly strong and if you know, there is a threat to this realm far greater than the Dark Lord.

So great that the forces of light and dark must join together to defeat it. Oh, it's like the dukes and boss hog having to team up. I will join your quest. Who is this boss of hogs? No, I don't want to talk about earth stuff. Wait, Chuck, what's this? I said I'll join your quest, so whatever you need. You will? Yeah, and it is very difficult. I don't know what's up. Wait, Chuck, what's this? I said I'll join your quest, whatever you need.

You will? Yeah, and it is very difficult. Oh. First of all, the destruction is an encroaching void, erasing all existence. Oh God. And Yusudor, who is the other 12th realm of Ezeus, Master of Light and Shadow, manipulator of Magical Delights, devourer of Chaos, Trepionian of the great halls of Tarakis, known to the elves as being y'all, known to the dwarves as Zodyn Hooke's stanges, known in the northwest as Gasuinus Maystar, he shall take up this cause, he shall defeat

the void, standing next to his friends, bintax the green! Wow, you said our goddess Gerv back, yes. Didn't you say that he was the champion of the Greyhals Trakis? Wait, when he planted his seed? Gerv back. Yes. Didn't you say that he was the champion of the Greyhels' Trakis? When he planted his seed? No, well, she was your missing sort of. That's what she said. You from a time.

Yes, exactly. So I shall aid you, Spentaxe. Yes, the Dark Lord shall be defeated someday, and that shall remain my main purpose But in the meantime I shall take this quest this quest that is just off to the side of my main quest and I shall PUSHEMER! You can be no battle to win. Oh, what? We do not defeat the void through warfare

Oh, what? We do not defeat the void through warfare. Ah! Then we must pool our magical abilities to cast it back. No. None of our magic is strong enough to stop the nothing that comes. Oh. The only way to stop it is to make a little girl believe in magic. A little girl not from Foon. I do have a daughter. So what we have to, I have a, I have a, I have a,

I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a,

I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I have a, I daughter. I do have a daughter. So what, we have to, I have a, I have a, I mean, I have a, you have a mundane daughter.

I have a, no, she's not mundane. She's precious. She's great. But she comes, I guess, technically from a mundane world. That's not any girl. It's one specific girl. Oh. One poor, you should have let me say.

Dishevelled girl. Oh poor. Her name is Penelope. Oh. She lives in a trailer. Oh. A what? A trailer!

Trailer, trailer. She's an ugly little girl, homely with a pug nose and unkempt red hair and pig tails and pale skin and freckles and her parents are divorcing. Oh man. She cares around a ragged little teddy bear with only one button eye and the drags in the dirt. Who's she staying with? She lives with her mother, but her mother's not home

because she's in RN and she works late hours and she just sits at home for a penalty. Oh, Pat, no. So how do we assist this girl in another row? My seems beyond our abilities. It does seem beyond your abilities, Yusudor. Ooh, snap. Yes.

We must tell her a tale. We must get her to believe in hope and magic. We must send through and emissary. Ooh. We could get her to listen to this podcast. Has there been much magic on this podcast? Very little, isn't it? Quite a bit.

No, not a tiny horse. I made some candles. I made some horses. Top hat, you made a top hat. I made a top hat. I made a saddle. Boys, that was a bad idea. But it's all just noises, right?

Yeah, pretty much. So it'd be easy for her to disbelieve her ears. Yeah, assuming she even heard it's all just noises, right? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. So it'd be easy for her to disbelieve her ears. Yeah, assuming she even heard it at all. Yes. What do you have in mind, Spin-Tex? Yes, how do we defeat the void? Well, the reason that the void is approaching our world is because in her world, our world is just a story.

Hmm. Do you understand? No. And she doesn't believe in the story. Hmm. Do you understand? No. And she doesn't believe in the story. She doesn't believe it's real. Why would she believe in us? She doesn't believe in you. She doesn't believe in chants.

She doesn't believe in usador. Why wouldn't she believe in us? Because her life's so terrible. Everything's awful. Her parents are mean. Yeah. And she's sad. She cries into a window box full of dirt and no plants.

Oh, it's terrible. This is awful. Yes. Well, what do we, I legitimately want to help this girl, regardless of whether it stops the void or not. I know what to do. Oh, I doubt you. I doubt it.

We'll pay her off. If we pay her enough money, she'll begin to believe. I mean, I would help her probably. No, no takers. I can send one person through. You can send one person to earth. Yes. Send me. You would like to go? Yes. That's your earth. Yeah, I'd like to go back to Earth, I could see my wife and my child, and then when I have some time, I would go where Earth is Penelope is. I do not know. You'd have to find her yourself, and I'll need six foolish children to cast this spell.

Six foolish children to do what? Yes, you see here is the trick. I must render the fat from six children. You see an open report. Do you see children in save one? I knew that you could be sent back in this horrible way, but I would never ever suggest such a thing. So I am not considering melting the fat off of six children to save one or to send Arnie home to meet his wife and daughter for the first time I assume. No, I've met them.

No, I mean in a long time. Oh right. First time in a long time. Fine. I am talking about killing six children in order to save every other being in fune. The price is too high. It is a moral quandary. Well, it seems about right.

Chot. The Voids gonna kill everyone. Six kids. They must be here all the time. Those six children will never have existed at all. If the encroaching void takes them. See? That must be another way.

Yeah. I refuse to accept it. I hate to say this, but I have to agree with you, Sador. Yeah, ha ha! Now, now the fellowship is formed. Yeah, well, I- to agree with you, Siddore. Yeah, ha ha! No. Now the fellowship is formed. No, no, no, no, no. He's going into the wizard's state. He's going to the wizard's state.

Oh no. And I, I mean, I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having a world and I'm having proud of you. You have the join my quest No, I have no sure in your personal. Yes, you've already have nimbley pillow bottom But I am not joining your quest. I'm just saying I'm not gonna kill six children here take this sword. No No, yes, you're the question and some folks are in the sword. Yes, join me stop first of all don't Handles a dick. Oh, yes, that's true, I think that's true. I think that's true. Well, uh, thank you, Spentax, for being on the podcast.

Um, again, I'm not in any hurry to murder a bunch of foolish children, but... I have a two great threats to now encroach their way towards us, the Dark Lord, which I do take seriously, And the void. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's kind of mind-blowing that we have more stuff to worry about. I guess I'm just going to drink my rainbow cup and not worry about it right now. Cheers to that! Cheers to that!

I'm just all ready to cup. Yeah! Cheers! Anyway, why don't, uh, John, did you get emails this week? Yeah, you guys have some emails here. First emails from Casey Duda, which I just like saying that name, Casey Duda. Chunt, and she spelled it with six teas. You are awesome, and it is clear that why everyone wants to be your friend. I am amazed you have been a badger this long. Clearly everyone is thirsty for that badger. You're awesome. What is thirsty for that badger? I mean, I think they just want to have sex with you.

I'm guessing. No, congratulations. What does the KC do to look like? Is it like a cicada? I have no idea. Cacidita, KC do to? Yeah, I don't know. I've never been a KC do to.

Yeah. The other thing I've had a KC do to it's, you take a flower, a flower tortilla, just cheese and flip it over. Oh, it's pretty good. KC do to it, yeah. KC do to it's when you put a feather in your cap and call it macaroni. Your trash. Dave Lang writes greetings, chants.

I hope all is well on flume. I think he means food. Two quick questions. One, I'm fascinated with the differences between life on earth and flume, having lived with Arnold, what about his day-to-day behavior and customs? Did you find most alien? I think when he pooped standing up was probably the worst thing. There was one time. Two Arnold hails from a place on earth ravaged by alcoholics.

How hard is his drinking problem on your friendship? That's a pretty hard. I don't, you drink more than I do. Yeah, I pay pretty hard. Yeah, so thank you Dave for your concern. And Arnie, he can be a bit of a monster. Chicago is a hard drinking town, but a hog's face really gives it a run for its money. There's a lot of drinking here. I think just escape the brutal realities of life

I think I have some barf in my fur that Sometimes I drink in my sleep. Oh Rainbow bowls are non-alcoholic. What? Well, hey, we've been drinking this they take your mind through time. No Okay While I wait for that uh, mind time to set in, uh, if you want to email me directly you can email me at magictavernetpuppies.supplies. We got an email from Sean Huat who writes,

this podcast is amazing. Thank you so much for letting the rest of us know about your discovery. Oh, you're welcome, Sean. I think we're just starting to spread quickly about it online. Awesome! The information you are sharing is amazing I just discovered you over the weekend and caught up on all the episodes blah blah blah But I do have a friendly warning for you. I think Shunt and Yusidor are screwing with you In episode four the FML you joked about there being a Robin as a baskin and which was a great joke And everybody gave you crap asking what's a Robin like they didn't know, but in episode 11, the unique Benedict Whisperrus said he

talks to Robbins and nobody even flinch up what's up with that. So, Chant is up with that. Well, Spin-Taxkin backed me up on this. It is a very simple solution. After we had that minz episode with Larry Birdman, we had convened the Council of Wizards, and we did decide that if this bird existed in your world, that we should have it here in Foon 2, so we pulled our great powers and we brought Robbins into the world. We made Robbins with magic.

Can you guys also make a burger king? Probably, do you want to try to make a burger king? Right now. Yes. Yes. Focus. Yes. You want to read another email?

Yeah, I'll read another email. I want to see that. We actually, it's funny that there was gonna be distracted because this is something that'd be interesting. I've actually started getting a lot of emails about the Dark Lord. Oh yeah, I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Oh, Dan's a tiny horse with a burr for it. Oh, it was, we tried. Is that not a burger king? Sometimes, sometimes you have to, well, it takes a couple tries before you get

this sort of thing, right? When you're making up a new spell. I'm not sure what it is. That may have affected the spell. We got an email from Karna Warrior who says, Hi, Ardi, Arni, not Ardi, Chun and Yusador, long time listener, first time emailer, hope you are doing well. My question is for Y Sador, are there any prophecies in Foon regarding the dark Lord or his destruction by a party of heroic individuals? Are you mentioned in the prophecies as the one who slaves or orchestrates his destruction?

Is being in a prophecy, anything like being a movie star or famous podcast host in our world? Thank you so much, Karna Warrior. Well, Spittacax already mentioned earlier, the rhyme of the Dark Lord that someone will always take the Dark Lord's place. Always that rhyme again. He who holds the Book of Site when the Moon is drained of all its light shall then be ruler of the night, Master of the Dark. Yes, exactly. And there is one of the prophecy. Yes, exactly. And there is one of the prophecy. A prophecy that a great man shall emerge. An unlikely hero from a secret world, and I have combed through all the writings at Trakis.

I have traveled to other cities and towns and lands looking for more information about this individual, and I believe I have found him. Hmm, spin-tax. No, it's Arnold. Oh, me? Yes, of course. Did I am the person that has to fight the Dark Lord? A strange man from a strange land, an unlikely hero.

I mean, that's very unlikely. Named after the greatest champion of all of Fung. Exactly. Oh no, I do ten crunches, and then I'll believe you're here. Do you do one crunch? Let's start off. Half. Half. Half a crunch. Half a crunch. It is crunch time. He'll get there. So now if you're not supposed to say the Dark Lord's name, is it bad to just talk about the Dark Lord so much period? Yes, there is, there is danger in speaking of the Dark Lord. Every time your thoughts even turn to him, he does gain a little bit more power.

He does creep that ever tiny bit closer. He does open the opportunity for him to peer into your mind and take your heart and your soul for is the worst and most terrible oh crap well you said his name that's his name yes you said oh I'm sorry I didn't me to I just came out I forgot well what was that that's a nice god has noticed us I must I must return to my multifaceted gym home. Calls Cartier, Raptard. Huh?

Speedux! He's gone. I told you he was a coward. Uh, Sus, Funky. She's a green spoke. Oh. So wait a second. You said, or you said, the Dark Lord's name,

and now we, that weird noise went off. His attention has turned to Hogsface. It is more imperative than ever that we find the party that will destroy him. Oh God, please give us good reviews and iTunes. I think it all those steps about how to turn into an animal on my own. Do you want to? Oh dear, that is not good. Bad, bad, bad. Or it would be bad if it was real. Ha ha ha ha!

Such careless laughter. But it's all not real, so no need to worry about multiple dimensions in danger, or the fact that the evil gauntlet seems to have just been thrown. Chant was at a rify. Yuzador was math young. Spin Tax the Green was played by special guest Charlie McCracken. You can follow Charlie on Twitter at The Cracken. The Spants and Glen Miller song was performed by Star Kids' Meritist to Pean and Nick Gage. You can find their music during whatever small chunk of time we all have left

by their band Jim and the Povallos on iTunes and Spotify. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Evan Jacover and Ryan DeGeorgie, edited by Ryan DeGeorgie, music by Andy Poland, hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Learn more about the show and how it's not real at hellofromthemagictavern.com or follow us on Twitter at MagicTavern. Do you prefer Facebook to lasting emotional connections?

Then visit Hello from the Magic Tavern on Facebook and see lots of evidence to prove that this show is not really happening. All of these fictionalized pretendings were brought to you by Cards Against Humanity, with the help of the Chicago Podcast Cooperative. Learn more about Cards Against Humanity at Cards Against Humanity.com and the Chicago Podcast Cooperative at ChicagoPodcastCoop.com. Take a moment tonight to hold your loved ones close. Everything is going to be alright.