Hello From The Magic Tavern - 17 - D’athaniel Quen’yarvin

Episode Date: June 24, 2015

This week I meet an Elven archer! Elvish archer? He's an elf.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungD'athaniel Quen'yarvin: Tim RyderOtok Barleyfoot: Nick BaerMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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are, and you stay on top of everything all the time. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Arnie Neekham. If you haven't heard the podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arnie Neacamp. If you haven't heard the podcast before, here's basically the story. A while back, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the magical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King, I think, through the portal. And so I use that every week to host a podcast from the Vermilion Minotaur, a tavern in the

town of Hogg's face in the land of Foon. And I'm joined as always by my co-hosts, Shunt, the Talking Badger. Hello. And... Do you used to... I am used to it all, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow Minipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great, Hose of Turakis, the Elznomi's fear in Yaluk, the Dwarvesnome is known in a new dstange. And I'm known in the Northeast, Gass and Wynus may star. And there may be other secret names of great power.

They do not know yet. And I must save those names Arnold. I must use this great power for we are all be set by the dark musins of the evil dark lord. Yeah, we are. I have to admit after last week I have to give a grudging amount of respect to your quest, Yusudor. Same here, I just want to apologize if I offended you last week because I feel like I am almost there willing to join your quest. Oh, exciting! Things have taken a kind of tone for the somber here in Hollig's face. I think people are just kind of a little on edge. Yes, there's a pall over everything, and small, seemingly insignificant dark had deeveen seemed to be happening. People are tripping.

People are being nice to each happening. People are tripping. People are being aren't being nice to each other the way they once were. And of course my hated enemies the smorbs. This very weak. What? They made me the size of my cat and the cat the size of me. No the smorbs are back. Yes. Once believed, banished and murdered by Jack Warpole himself, now they have returned to be setting me with nothing but frustration! So, Sean, what's going on with you? I went on a date on the other day with the celebrity, not to brag, not to brag. What's the celebrity?

Yeah, I don't know if you're familiar in Fune, we have these great blue tigers. No, there's three great blue tigers, yeah. And I went on a date with one of them to make up point. Oh, don't go to make up point. They usually, because there's celebrities, I mean they have unlimited power in this room. They usually like stack on top of each other and wear like a cloak. What?

Just because they're so well men. And they'll pretend to be like a giant blue tiger? No, I mean, they disguise the fact that they're a tiger. I said a cloak. But I went on a date with one of them to make up points. And it didn't go well. Well, for our listeners who maybe haven't heard before, explain makeup point.

Make up point is a haunted shack on top of the point of a mountain. And if you make it out alive with Your your date then you fall in love. We did not make it out. Both of us alive But when he died I took his bones and now I have one wish. Oh, they have magical powers So because I have less great blue tiger in the food, I think you're being a little pessimistic I have his bones so I get one wish of whatever I want in the world. Wow! Are the blue tigers rare? You some are seems really bummed. There's three of them. Well, there was two of them.

There's two now. It was my greatest wish that one of the great blue tigers made join me upon my quest there. Wonderful magical animals, full of great power and wisdom. They certainly could turn some tide and rally us people around them to fight the evil that doth threaten to consume us all. I know. And I'd like to point out, actually, the main reason that the Dark Lord has turned his attention on Hogsface, Yusador the doors because you said his name last week. Well, I Was a slip of the tongue and He's just you know it was inevitable certainly you would have said it eventually if I hadn't I

Didn't know what it was well. I think we can all Trust that Arnold would have said it. It's aren't it. Let's let's go ahead and introduce our guests. Well, I think we can all trust that Arnold would have said it. It's Arnie. Let's go ahead and introduce our guests. Okay. I'm very excited. These dangerous times we're sort of looking for adventurers to join your quest, Yusador, which I have made a commitment to actually actively try to get other people to join your

quest. Why don't you join the quest? I gotta do this podcast. It's very time consuming. But maybe our first guest, an Elvish archer, name, I'm sure I'm gonna mispronounce this, Dith, Dithaniel, Quinn Yarvin? Greetings from the forest.

Wow, he's dashing. My name sounded so heavy and ugly on your human tongue. I'm sorry. The apostrophes They must be respected they are the spaces in the words for we to live in the spaces between elements My name is deathaniel the fanny Yarven the fanny L Quinn Yarven the fanny L Yar almost sounds racist when you say

The fan of yellow coin yarn it almost sounds racist when you say it's a Fancy and I would ask that you not use it anymore. Okay. I will not say your name anymore Is there something easier to pronounce that I may call me death? death God even that is just Red just call you DQ DQ yeah, it's just a little something different. I will allow us. It's refreshing. De Faniel, please forgive Arnold.

He is a human, but not a human even born of this world. There are no elves where he comes from, he has told us. I see. So you are as foreign to him as, say, a some creature of the deep black ocean. Is to you? Indeed. Thank you, Fien-Yelik. It is a pleasure to meet you. I have known of you.

I forgot the El's No-U's being Yelik. That's right! I was like, who is he talking to and then I thought... Well, yes. Of course. That is my Elveshnaim. El wizards are known by many names. It is one of our traits. I forget because it's so deep into your name. Like, by that point I 100% checked out. I'm just waiting to say who-

How dare you! What- I've been even meaning to ask, why do you- Why do you say who- Bestech do I have my name? I'm pretty sure that's what that part of your name is. Who- Stangies? Who-Bestech?

Who-Bestech? Who-Bestech? Who-Bestech? Who-Bestech? I don't know if you guys are having this problem, but when I look at DQ, it's like hard to look at him. He's so handsome. He's very handsome. It like hurts to look at him.

Yeah. How tall are you? I've never seen, it's like you are tall, so tall, and yet it works. Like you're not like circus freak tall, or you are circus freak tall, but it all works. Is he always like this? Yeah, he's always kind of a jag off. as freak tall, or you are circus freak tall, but it all works. Is he always like this? Yeah, he's always kind of a jack off. Thank you for your strange attempt at compliments human.

My height is something I get from my people. This world is not built for us. I have a hard time with doorways, roofs even, some showering facilities. I'd say you're about as tall as two great tigers like standing on each other's backs. That is a unit of measure I am familiar with. Yeah, you are as tall as all of the great blue tigers left on Femme. Just any ale. Would you be willing to join me in my quest? You and your Elven brothers with your fantastical splendor that does make it difficult to look straight into your lustrous and beautiful eyes.

You have my bow. No, you're holding my bow. Oh, yes, I was holding on to it. I was hoping you'd be waiting to get an answer. Can you give it back? Uh, sure. What's your answer? In times such as these, I must recall, the school yard rhyme that all Elvish children are taught about the great Fiengelik.

Ah, yes. When you walk the forest dear friends, be wary of Fiengelik. Wait, what? His manner is bold, off-putting at best, and his sense of humor, Fiengelik. If he invites you to go on a quest, the ending will surely be tragic. Denyhe's request, whatever you do, that asshole barely knows magic.

Well, it does have a ring to it. Children can be cruel. We all know this, but you as surely as a fully grown I'll know this, but you as surely as a fully grown Elven warrior know that there is some falsehood in that and that clearly I simply want to defend all the food. That rhyme sounded so beautiful in English. Would you mind saying it in the original Elvish? My language is light, airy, born of the wind and written down is much squiggly. You are not deserving. Okay. All right. Fair enough.

Can I, I know Arnie just kind of put you on the spot and I'm going to put you on the spot as well, but I hope it's a little more up your alley here. I'm going to put a spice potato on Arnie's head. Would you mind shooting that off his head with your arrow? Of course. Wow, wow, wow, wow, I feel you radiate such confidence and not even look how sinewy his body is Shit just hold on so sinewy having a little trouble with this wait hold on hold on you can't even like this arrow is weird He's so spelt. I'm gonna get another Okay, good arrow to me. He's really he can't even get it into the bow. I will do this later. Okay. Yeah, I'm taking this I'm gonna take this off my head. Are you?

DQ these are very serious times with the dark lord turning his attention on hog space B be honest are you? Not a very good archer. I have been trained in the way of my people to arch and to use my vision that is of a hawk, to see my target from far away and to pierce it with a arrow. And I have, I can't quite get the hang of it. It's hard. It's harder than you think, because you have to have a lot of strength to pull the twine back. And then it just goes, I'm trying. Yeah, you're very willowy.

It seems like it would take a lot of upper body strength to be an archer. My other friends often make that point, and they do it cruelly and have several names for me. Willow Arms and Leg Man. Oh Leg Man. And other things that just do not translate from Melvin. Would you mind, I would just love to hear some alfish would you sing one or two of those names that don't do not translate Yon Farnish fail It's quite a bit things falling in Shakra oh This is a beautiful language. I love how you almost don't know when a word is done entirely. Like sometimes a word stops, like you're not sure

if it's gonna keep going. Those pauses he were for too long. Yeah, well how do we know when life will go on? Are we all not just upon the river that is life, not knowing when we are to make our exit? So too is our language. It does make it hard to know when to respond to people. I interrupt people a lot and then I get called more names.

Oh, Diffaniel, is there any chance that you have some great hidden talent? That is not archery, that you could develop upon our quest. I have been on a quest of my own. Yes, the Angelic. I have been on a quest of my own, yes, Fianny Alec. For I am attempting to write a wrong that was done against my family. What sort of wrong? My father. My father was taken from our family in the most cruel of betrayals. He was taken by the trees.

The trees. The very trees in which we live. And I am on a quest to find that tree and to take my revenge. It was a long time ago when I was but a young pup of 130. My mother and father must have known something was coming, the tension in our household was great. There was a lot of yelling, a lot of, I am not very happy with you and

is this what it's going to be like for the next 700 years and then one day he was gone. My mother said that a tree had taken him. Do trees move in film? They do, but it sounds like they got a divorce. I'm pretty sure it was a tree. Oh, okay, and I Seek to find this tree and pierce it with a wooden arrow Oh the betrayal of being stung with one's own kin He too will feel the sting that I felt that day when my kin was taken from me

and so my kin was taken from me. And so, Anya, have you spoken to your mother about this event recently in the past that you've become an adult? No, it is a part of our family's history. I do not think any of the events would have changed. Ah, yeah. Yeah.

I'm pretty good at hitting trees with arrows. They are big enough for me to it. I also I don't want to be rude But using my bedger nose I sniffed out one of your arrows and it was just made of chocolate. I ate one Oh my god Oh, a chocolate arrow that That will not sting anyone the sense of betrayal will not be as acute unless I've... I think some sort of chocolate rabbit.

I think someone's having some fun with you. They gave you some chocolate, they're all. This is not easy for me to admit. I am a bit of an outcast amongst my people. I am not nearly as tall as some of they, if you can imagine, and through my upper body is Willowee and well I just don't seem to fit in so I Left on this quest to be sure but I was also encouraged pretty strongly just to leave

How old did you say you are again? Now I am reached middle-aged. am 334. Happy birthday to you. Thank you. I just happened to wonder, sometimes there are elves who are born who aren't quite as magical as other elves. Like there are some wizards who are not quite as magical That is an example that I completely identify Oh man I'll always have some magical, I'm born of the wind and the air and the fire and the very elements of the earth And the birds take its bite and bring me into this world To complete my wondrous task

But, but their degrees Sure, sure, of course. Oh, sure. You know what, DGU, I think... It seems like you've had a little tough time lately. Let's maybe take a quick break. Let's get you a drink. Um, what would you like to drink? Um, some wine of the ancients.

Some wine? I'll see if they have it. If they have it. Wine of the ancients are mead. Mead with raspberry and another mead. Please? Alright, you know, I'm gonna have a have it. If they have it. Wine of the ancient Samine, Mead with Raspberry and another Mead. Please. Alright, you know, I'm gonna have a rainbow bowl, even though... Boomi, too, me too.

I know, it's non-alcoholic. It's gonna send your mind through time, though. I know, I love it. It's such a time. A little more glurb. A little more glurb in mind, please. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break, and we'll be right back. Hi, this is SoTalk, Barleyleyfoot from the Vermillion Minotaur.

This week's Rumor of the Week is Riftkin the Blacksmith is living with his mother again. Don't ask him about it, but that seems to be the case. If you'd like to hear another rumor, you're going to have to come on down to the Vermillion Minotaur and buy a drink. Million Minotaur, right at Fools, Erin, and every road. And we're back. DQ, now that you've gotten a drink. Yes, thank you.

They did not have wine of the ancients, but this wine of the recents is not bad. Sure. Where does someone get wine of the ancients? Is it like, can you get it much around food? I haven't had it. There is a river near my village where you can get it. It is a long journey, but it is worth the trip. Drinking the wine of the ancients is an experience like no other. It's a really bad hangover though. Oh sure, sure. Maybe not worth it. As I get older, it's just not worth it to me.

That's why I've started drinking more of these rainbow bowls. Is the source of the river a vineyard? Yes. It's the runoff from the vineyard. So it's just, oh, it's starting to sound. It doesn't sound particularly good. But it is unable to be replicated in any other way. People have tried making vineyards elsewhere and just collecting the water. It does sound particularly good. But it is unable to be replicated in any other way.

People have tried making vineyards elsewhere and just collecting the runoff, it doesn't work. You have to get the wine of the engines at this place. It's great. They got rather just regular wine, personally. Yeah, I think so too. Is it one of those things where people just decided because it's something

that you can only get one place and it's close to them that they're like this is great. It's a acquired taste more insults human. I'm sorry DQ It's just what he does. He can't help it. He insults me every week and I am one of the greatest wizards in all the food All right slippery Can I have been something and I I don't mean to be a dick during the break? I stuck off to the bathroom and I had my you know grapefruit tiger bones and I thought to wish for something And I thought for an innocent to like maybe send you home Arnie to your wife and kids Oh, I thought maybe to defeat the dark Lord my dear wish these wishes could be of that scale They can it can be anything and I thought to maybe give like man like the ability to like shoot in at all

I'm working on it. But in the moment since I was in the bathroom, I decided to wish for no matter what shape I take as a shape shifter to always have two buttholes. Chuchu, you really are the worst. You could have solved one of our very pressing problems. I solved one of my biggest pressing problems, which is having one butthole Okay, if you had if you had ever experienced two but holes you would know Yeah, I'd that you would know my pain in my now my glory. Okay Let's not talk about that's not talking about this anymore elves have three what?

Elves have three buttholes. Three buttholes. I just wasted a fucking wish on nothing. What's the third one for? And where is it? Where are they placed in relation to each other? Idiot! Oh, I bet it's like a triangle.

Is it like a triangle? It is a triangle of both. Oh my god. A triangle is the strongest geometric shape. It's true. What have I done? Wait, I don't. And a triangle of buttholes is stronger yet.

I'm trying to envision how this would even work with a crack involved, eh? You cannot. You cannot picture it with your human brain. Yeah, no, I'm not even, I'm not even gonna try. DQ, can we, as I was saying, you know, you've gotten a drink, maybe your nerves have gotten calmed a little bit. Thank you. Can we, as I was saying, you've gotten a drink, maybe your nerves have gotten

calmed a little bit. Thank you, yes. Let's maybe, without actually aiming it at me, let's sort of try this archery thing again. Let's, yes. Maybe you can get it to work. Because I do want you to get the confidence you need to maybe do your quest and maybe even do Yusidor's quest. Ah, yes. Let's see. Let's find a target for you. Could you, you, come here. Ah, yes. Let's see. Let's find a target for you. Could you? You, come here. Oh, it's cold still.

No, don't aim at a huge door. Right at that woman. No, don't aim at a person. You can aim at one of the unwed mothers. She's unwed, that's OK. She is unwed. War her kids, I think Chrome killed her kids, so she's just. Are you a children alive? So I think it's fine to go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. And also, I think Legrom killed her kids so she's just so I think it's fine to yeah

Go ahead and also I think leg man has it. I think leg man has what it takes I believe in you you know leg man is an insult Yes, that's right. I forgot DQ. I'm sorry, but sometimes sometimes you take an insult and you and you own it Do you think zoning in who's changes a nice name in Dwarvesh? It's not oh? What is not? What does it mean in Dorvish? It means a scraper of the bottom of the river. Oh. You can't imagine the nicknames I had growing up being called Chant.

I mean, there's some pretty bad nicknames. Like what? Like... I can't imagine any of these. I'd rather not say. All right. Not to mention the terrible, terrible turmoil of being a shape-shifter itself. Oh yeah.

I, there is a schoolyard rhyme about shape-shifting that Elvish children are taught as well. Oh my god. Would you like to hear it? Yes, please. When you walk the forest dear friends, be wary of those who shift shape. Their nature is inherently shifty you see, from their clutches you will not escape. They could be anything you see in a room that hawk on the wall or a bucket. So lock up your pit or your bird. As whole may try to fuck it.

I love that. That was pretty great. That makes me sound cool as hell. That's what I was saying. You take something negative, you make it a positive. Yeah, that makes me sound badass. Yes, exactly. And you know what, I know I don't mean to insult you.

I would love to hear that in the original L version. Yes, take it back. The rhymes are slightly more elegant in L-Vish, although they may not in fact arrive. What's the... I mean, I was gonna say when I was a kid they just called me sheep shitter. Um, can I ask you... Come on man. Sorry. Can I... can you just say that Elvish word for fuck it? Youngstain. Youngstain. Oh, youngstain?

Oh, that's right. That's unfortunate. I don't know, youngstain. I'm going to start using that. Youngstain. Fair enough. All right, DQ, you can do this. Do not aim at that. Aim at that stool.

Aim at that stool over there. There's no people over in that corner. All right. Just, you know, you are, you have elvish powers. You are a force of nature. Just release your DQ blizzard of arrows on this. Here, let me rub your back this way, huh? Thank you.

That stool is made of one. So this, why are you smiling again? It's just DQ with their men. People on earth are gonna love it. What does that mean, even? It doesn't mean anything, don't worry about it. Okay. Watch yourself, stool.

You are about to be pissed. I don't mean anything, don't worry about it. Watch myself, Stool. You are about to be pierced. That's not... I can't even... It's so awkward. It's so awkward. It's so painful looking. Oh, it just sort of flipped. Yeah.

Sort of flipped out of the bow. That's terrible. That arrow was weird. Well, weird. Weird. I need better equipment. Do you have I need to find the archmaker? Do you have other skills? He's got a three-biles in the shape of a triangle? That's sort of an inherent trait of elves. I wouldn't call it a skill. Is that something that could help you on your quest? No Not at all.

Not even a little bit. Oh, that it would for, if just having multiple buttholes were helpful, myself and Chuchu and the Fanny L here could all help me, but. There are so many buttholes at the stable. Yeah, we have five, six, seven, eight. Eight, but only. It's how many do you have? I have one butthole. I have buttholes at this table. Yes, we have five, six, seven, eight. Eight, but only. It's how many do you have?

I have one butthole. I have butthole. There are many buttholes. I suit you to that. And I am looking at the biggest one, human. Oof. Oh snap, burn. What the fuck?

All right, well, DQ, otherwise known as Difaniel Quinn-Yarvan. Just terrible. I'm sorry. You know what, I guess you're not going to be any help on Yusudor's quest, but I really hope you find this hypothetical tree that ran off with your father. Yeah, DQ do something different.

Thank you. I will. I will make it fresh, as they say. Perhaps my journey will take me home to my village, my sweet village of Lauri the offland I love it there. It's so beautiful. Beautiful with the houses high in the trees. Yes So so DQ I'm gonna do you I'm gonna give you a gift. Excuse me You're gonna do them. I'm gonna bathe. He said I said I'm gonna do you. That's a threat. No, no, no, no.

Look, you've been searching for this tree. And everyone may be doubts you're gonna be able to find it. There's no tree. If you look, there's a tree right outside the Vermilion Minotaur tavern. I have it on good authority that that tree killed your father.

That's the tree you've been looking for. I have heard this from many people and have been tricked many times, but you know what, young stain, let's give it a shot. All right, while he goes out to, I guess try to kill that tree, I don't even know how that would work. And he's not gonna be able to do it with an arrow,

even if it were possible. Why don't we read some emails real fast? If you haven't listened to the podcast before, you can email us here at MagicTavron at puppies.supplies.sealing email I could get. And also, you could email a chunt. At chunt with 60s at Gmail.com. Yeah, so chunt at chunt with 60a.

Chun at Gmail.com chunts both 60s. So chunt, did you get any good emails this week? I got a lot of good emails, but let's read a terrible one This email is from Juan He says hey chun. I'm And it's it's like this little but hole with a line around it It's like a but hole that's circling around what is it? It's an at it's an at that that's at it looks like a but hole He says hey chun. I'm butthole Don Juan G 13 from California, but you can call me Juan G. Anyway, I think you give

you said or too much crap. You were especially dismissive of him last week when your hero spin-tax was on. But when things got real, your boy spin-tax literally disappeared. John's up. John's up with that. You said or had the stones to say to stay there and possibly deal with the consequences. And then there's like a ladder, like a segment of a ladder. Oh, that's a hashtag. Oh, a segment of a ladder, Usador is the greatest. Hey one, what I'd recommend is maybe getting like a burlap bag,

just like a nice thick burlap bag, filling it with as many dicks as possible, and then just like cook that burlap sack full of dicks and just eat it. John. Well that does a team fair. No. Youngstain. Youngstain.

Alright, Youngstain. Well thank you very much. You coming at you, Youngstain. We're going to play much longer. I think Juan is a big fan of the show. He's actually sent an email to Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies as well. A couple of them. The most recent is high guys, his

Twitter at Don Juan G13 from California here. I just wanted to write in and say that spin-tax is a freaking coward when the Dark Lord shed some attention over you guys. Spin-tax straight up disappeared. That dude is a sham. Eucidore at least had the stones to try to step up to the Dark Lord. Eucidore is the master three exclamation points. You and Chant should be in awe at the presence of Yusador. Mm-hmm, I agree. All in caps, fuck spin-tax, fuck the Dark Lord,

fuck Dave Lang, who sent us an email recently. Arnie and Chant are okay, but everyone else can burn and hell. Hashtag Yusador is the greatest. P.S., please tell Useador I said, you're my boy blue. Oh well that's that's all very nice to hear I suppose. Is it because you're a blue wizard?

I guess yes I would assume so. But I want to know this. Chant and Ony are my two dear friends and boon companions. I hope desperately that it's joining me on my quest and also even spin-tax who yes did run away. To be fair, he returns to his multifaceted gem where he resides between Queen Tatanya's breasts. And I have to say, but just for the record, I can't blame him one bit.

Well, Juan, thank you so much for being a fan and he's tried to contact me on Twitter a number of times. He's really trying to push the hashtag. Oh, it sir trying to contact you know my wife has not tried to contact me via Twitter or email Oh, it seems yeah, he's also but besides just hashtag use or is the greatest he's also frequently tweeted the hashtag use it or cooler than chunt oh No, no, no, no, no, I do not accept that. Yeah, to be fair, that was probably

before I had all time to both of us. That is probably true. Maybe things have changed. Hashtag, Chant is cool, but Hashtag, Usador is a frickin' wizard, all caps, oh, Wizard, maybe if Chant got with a lion, like you were trying to do, use some time to do the tie-guards. You're a tie-guards.

Very different, very different. No, they're not the same Hashtag use the or cooler than chat. Do they have lions and tigers in your world? Yeah, and bears do they have great blue tigers and you don't know the difference of them I mean I do I guess I do so you things here confuse you and things in your own world confusion. It's true. Yeah, that's true The tree has been slain. Wow. I kicked it over. You kicked it out My legs are very powerful Wow, he's a leg man. Did I not mention that? No, no Name makes more sense sound. Yes, and you're only is that is that leg power you saw on your quest? I may it's better than anything. I've got going right now

But the tree was not the one who killed my father, human. How do you know that? I know. It reminds me of the school yard rhyme of humans. When you walk through the forest, dear friend, be wary of humans. For they are...dicks. It sounds better than the original Elvis. I'm sure. Fair enough. Alright, thanks, guys. See you everybody next week. If you're listening to this and freaking out about the fact that there may be more dimensions than just yours, calm down, scooter, and remind yourself that none of this was real.

No need to think about it any further. Usador the Wizard was played with refreshing consistency by Matt Young. Shont the Badger was played as always by Adel Raphai. Otoch Barleyfoot was played by Nick Baer. Special guest D, uh, Duna, D, D, whatever the Elven Archer DQ was played by Tim Rider. You can see Tim Lampoon popular subjects at the second city ETC show Soul Brother Wear Art Thou, or simply follow him on Twitter, at Tim Ryder.

He got in there early, no 31F after that handle. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacover, and Ryan DeGeorgi, edited by Ryan DeGeorgi, music by Andy Polent. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Learn more about the show and how it's not real at hellofromthemagictavern.com, or follow us on Twitter at Magic Tavern. Don't forget that we now have a Facebook page, so in that way we're similar to your Ant-Cathleen.

Are you looking at your bare chest and thinking I'm in a real pickle? Well, cover it up with a hello from the Magic Tavern t-shirt. There's even a shirt featuring usadors, needlessly self-indulgent long name, as well as a chunce up with that t-shirt. Raise your hand if you're surprised that that's become a thing. My hand is raised. Get your hello from the Magic Tavern t-shirt at nrbotties.com today! All of these fanciful imaginings were brought to you by Basecamp with the help of the

Chicago Podcast Cooperative. Learn more about Basecamp at Basecamp.com and the Chicago Podcast Cooperativeagopodcastcooperative.com