Hello From The Magic Tavern - 21 - No Arnie

Episode Date: July 22, 2015

Hi! It's Chunt. I'm the host now because Arnie ran off to find Sarah in the woods. It will probably be a better show without him.CreditsChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungTom the Traveler: Steve WaltienBurger King Employee: Max TemkinMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandSpecial Episode Art: Jillian SamowitzMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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who asked us to play this song as their ad. Buk-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t Hello for the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Chunt. If you haven't listened to any of the previous episodes, here's a little bit about what's going on. Our friend Arnie fell through a magical portal behind a Burger King and arrived in this world that we don't view as magical, but he had his podcasting equipment with him and he's been hosting a weekly podcast from this tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur. a as Nomi is Dale's sprinkle sleeves, and the dwarves Nomi is Zonen who's stangies. Who was stank? No, no, no, the Northeast is guessmaniacist, Mastah, and then maybe the other sea.

You know, a few things. One, I don't know why Arnie calls it hello from the Magic Tavern when it should be hello from the Vermilion Minotaur. Doesn't that seem weird? Yes, it does. Also Arnie ran off into the woods. The last episode, I'm not sure if people heard this or I don't know what people here,

I don't know if people can hear me now. But Arnie ran out of the barn into the woods looking for his wife, I guess Sarah showed up. So I don't know if he's gone for good or what, but I gotta be honest, I kind of miss him and I, he's the one I know. I set up this bag of grain over here and painted his face on it just cause I kind of. Yes, it does look like him. I just kind of miss him. Well, I actually put three bags of grain over here and painted his face on it just because I kind of Yes, it does look like him. I just kind of miss him.

Well, I actually put three bags of grain together. Yeah, I was so going to say the girth is correct. Yeah, I painted on, I hate my wife and kid and then crossed it out because I just felt bad. I feel like it's not right to kick him when he's down. He's a good friend. He's a good friend. Although, yes, he's a very good friend. And although perhaps maybe he's found his wife and maybe they're here and phone together now

Yeah, we don't we don't know anything Now why are we so are we just why are we doing this? I just want to keep up the the podcast and I invite back One of our dear dear friends one of my favorite ticklers of Cox Tom the traveler. Hello from A Magic Tavan. Yes that would be more accurate. That would be like saying hello from the Dwarves restaurant. Which one? Exactly. We've got to let the people of Earth know that we're still here. Of course, people of Earth, you are now hearing the sweet dogs or tones of Tom Blaine, Neuroff.

It's likely that Arnaw's wife arrived to kill him. Arnie, he prefers to be called Arnie. Arnie? Mm-hmm. I believe it's actually Arnold. But Arnaw. He prefers Arnie. I understand.

I'm chunked. I just want to make sure everything goes as smooth as possible. Tom, what have you been up to? Well, I've been on tour up and down the Overlanders Road. Oh yes, you are on tour the clock ticklers if I remember correctly. Yes, I had to take a month off. No thanks to you guys, minus. Because I became addicted to the more glob that you sold me. Well, it's a dangerous substance. I always worn people.

I sell it to you and then I shake my bag my finger at you and I say don't, shouldn't be doing this. Well, it's all well and good when you're vomiting. But then you wake up in the morning feeling higher the next day. That's very true. You're welcome. feeling higher the next day. But I've been a part of two productions. One is a production of Dan Lit. I don't know if you have Dan Lit in your world earth but it is possibly the greatest play ever written. It's about a boy called Danlit and his aunt who is a

hunger ghost eats his mother. Oh yes very sad sad tale. Any play with a hunger ghost and I'm there I'm sold right? Did you play the hunger ghost? No I played Danlit. Oh wow. Oh very what a what aurn of events to for such a young Such a leader of the board to get to capture such a high-coffative wall Indeed, and I believe a relative of yours place the lead female role Helen Chunt. Oh, yes, you know Helen She is as good as it gets. She's my She's my aunt. She's a she's my you know my dad and Bonnie. Yeah, yes, Helen Chunt. She's my, you know, my dad and Bonnie. Yeah. Yes, Helen Chunt. She is amazing. Actually, this makes sense now because Bonnie Chunt was in here a couple of nights ago

and I saw her and she mentioned you. She didn't mention you were playing the Danlet, which I would love to see, by the way, but she said she was mad about you. Mad about me? Yes. Bonnie Chunt said that. Oh, damn it, no. So, Danlet, so you played Danlet, that's a huge role for such a young cocktailer. Yes. I mean, I still running, can we see you?

What's going on? It's closed, but I've been nominated for a tosser. And if you don't know, all those of you from another world, a tosser is the best award that you can win in acting, and it's called that because it's the person who's most able to toss off who they are and inhabit a new person. Wow, that's amazing. Holy crap, you're perfectly logically named. Yeah. Yes.

The tossers are being held this year in the northeast. Oh, so you'd have to see your family. Where has it been held the castle? Indeed. Oh, it's being hosted by my mother. Oh, yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum. Well, don't say that. Oh, but sometimes I think about to tell you.

I have to run to the bathroom, but can you give me a goat to kill, or can you come with me to? I know what you're doing in there. What? I just want to sacrifice a goat and conjure a picture of your mom in its blood in the bathroom. In the bathroom by yourself. Just for, I mean... Just to pass the time. Fine, fine, I won't. Fine.

That's gonna cheer it to your mom. Yes, I know you were. Everyone knows. They probably don't know what that means. If you live on Earth, jerk it, jerk it, is to imagine to have sex, but to use your hand.

And with your hand, you just jerk it. And now that Arnold's not here, I have many questions about earth things. Perhaps you can email a chunk or an audience or one of these questions. There's a couple of things that Chunton I have said that Arnold is responded by saying if he's said something like that in my world, it would lead to a race war. And I think, is it, was it more of a race or is it more of a war? Are you just running and whoever wins the race wins the war and the other person just gives up and lets the king be murdered and race war is when you're

running fast and you're trying to see who gets to the finish line first but you're allowed to fight you along the way. Yes that was my question. Is that a game of minnes? Yes, yes I think that's what he means. So please email us and let us know what a race war is Yes, send us pigeon. Well, we have access to our new computer. Yes, they have it. They have the you saw I don't know how to describe it But if you if you if you put your energy into chunt with six teas at gmail.com I can somehow read it on this device. I don't know it's Imagine a flat piece of wood, but it's made out of metal. Alright.

And then there are pictures on it. And words. Why? I don't know. I think our nose world is stupid. Arnie? What? As far as I've been able to discern, it does seem like a rather flat and boring place. Can we, he doesn't tell us much about it? Yes, since he's not here, since John's run the show, He does seem like a rather flat boy in place. Can we, he doesn't tell us much about it.

Yes, since he's not here, since Sean's run the show, let's speculate about some earth stuff. Like what do you guys think of Woody Allen is? Woody Allen, I think that that's a boy called Allen, who's one of his grandparents is a tree. Okay. I think it's a bourbon cocktail. Okay, what do you guys think pure Michigan is? I think it's a bourbon cocktail. Okay. What do you guys think pure Michigan is?

I think it's when you're having sex with someone in one of their buttholes and then you put your finger in the other butthole. Let's hope so. I think it's a really good straight-of-war blow. What, the Burger King? He never talks much about the Burger King? King of yes, probably the King of Burgers, or a very humble King. No. Would I not like my father? Oh. Have you not made any attempt to contact your family and let them know that you're all right? No, but I am going back.

I'm going back to receive my tosser, and I'm going to tell my parents that I'm leaving to join Kazmaine's quest. What? Yes. Congratulations. This is amazing. What is that now, three? There's a pimpley nibble button.

There's a therr. There's a therr. And there was a therr one. Me. I believe we must fight the Dark Lord. I've been up and down the Overlanders Road, and I've laid there are many rumors about the Dark Lord. What have you heard?

I have heard that he now has a metal horse from the world of Earth. A metal horse? Already came here in a metal horse. Oh, that's right. Remember you said he fell through in his metal horse? He called it a car? Yes. Perhaps he is found this car or managed to look at it and create one of his own. Alright, here's what we'll do. Here's my plan. I used to do it right now and need you to make me a tiny metal horse. Okay. And make it with three metal buttholes.

A metal buttholes. Yeah, you take your time. Have you heard any other rumors? Have you seen anything else that might be of concern? Bad things are happening. As I have been abroad, I have seen many terrible mishaps. What if you see? A bag of sand fell on a fellow actor. Was it like, did they not restrain it properly or? Well, all the bad things that happen, you could say, are accidents, but there have been too many accidents to be coincidental

Yes, what do you what do you feel like you can contribute to the quest what powers or towers? Tauthentay Polly Country What's a metal fat hole with three horses Well, at least it'll be able to get around. We should probably just kill this. We're going to take a little bit of a break here.

So, I'm going to go grab us some meads or some rainbow bulls and we'll be right back. Welcome to Burger King, would you like to try our yumbo hot ham and cheese sandwich today? Hello? Hello? Linda, they're back. I swear to God something's messing with me. Linda! We were talking on the break if we know that Arnie is somehow doing t-shirts and we were talking about maybe doing a t-shirt with a metal butthole and three horses or just buttholes or maybe my face and

it says ask me about my two buttholes. Well I like that one. Yeah? Yeah. Maybe I'm Lincoln. Yes, but it's not that a bit common. Ask me about my two buttholes. Well, do people on Earth, how many butchers do they have? I think Arnie only has one. Yes, but he might be a freak. Well, he'd be. How many different races are there on Earth? I think two, right? Will you send us an email to tell us

how are their dwarves, are their elves? Yes, just give us a full assessment of how many of the races are in your life. Break down, you're like a breakdown. Yes, exactly. Now, Tom, I've been meaning to tell you and I have forgotten we have lost track, but your sister came here and was once a guest on the show. Traker?

Yes. Traker, you're earlier. No. Oh, I know. She was quite a pain in the bottom and she was looking for you. You did not tell her of me, did you? Oh no, no, even the Arnold is foolish as he is, kept his mouth shut. Ernie.

Yes, honey. I wish not to see her. She's quite evil. And I think she wants me dead. I've never met anyone more clearly evil except for the boy who had cats come out of his mouth. The boy. What's the name? Smingle's mom. Yeah for the boy who cats come out of his mouth. The boy. Let's see. Let's see.

Sings Hmong. Yeah, the boy. That's right. Yes, exactly. No, he is evil. Oh, clearly. What was it like growing up with her? Was she always kind of mean to you?

What kind of stuff did she do to you as a kid? She was always trying to kill me. She would say, Tom, come and look at out this window and let me push you from it. Why would she say that? That's the great thing about her She was not smart enough too much foreshadowing. Yeah, she would say Tom come eat this poison cookie Pretty blunt. Yes, pretty pretty blunt. Yes But she wants to be the queen of the northeast and I said to her, you can be. I will let you be. I don't want to be the king. I want to marry Riannin. Of course you do. It's beautiful. You told us. It's milk made, yeah. Will you conjure an image?

Wait, you're not conjured Riannin, are you? Oh, are we good? Do you want to? Do you want to see her hazel eyes or whatever color her eyes are? I do fear that she may have taken up with someone else No, the dark Lord. Oh God no, I've heard he's gay. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's right But that's always that's sort of always the first room. So you can't really You sort of disregard those, but I will tell you it's been some time

She is commonly less. I do fear she may have taken up with a milk boy. Oh no, back to her own kind. She's giving her milk to someone else. I know I shall be very sad. A lot of times I mean if you see a kid that doesn't forget his father, you're like, oh I'm probably the milk boy, right? Yes! Milk boys are known, milk boys are known to go for ladies when their husbands and fathers are gone. Oh, Tom! No one more than you said or knows the pain of heartbreak. I do tell thee, I feel nothing but sorrow for thee. Thou must look deep within thyself. Find some inner strength.

Raise thy sword and prepare for battle. Yeh, for the only way to get over the breakage of a heart. Is to take up arms and to fight the evil that does threatened to control and consumers whole. Why are you pinching your genitals? Hey, I gotta save it. Just blood on your own. I'm sorry! But your sister, hey, you did not run into her, she did not catch up with you.

No, although she is hot on my trail, and I must return home before she finds me, I shall reveal myself, and then declare that I shall follow guessmainess on his quest. Do you think your mom and dad will be cool, Thad? No, they're not cool with anything. I mean this is really a get for me. I mean this kind of exposure You don't get this kind of exposure all the time. A tosser. Yeah, you're a tosser. A tosser is gonna go up on stage I'm numbing it is a tosser tosser tosser. I'm sure of that

I am there There once he says and and I accept this award for my own Danlets, and I shall join Gatsamina's May Star. Great wizard of the northeast upon his quest to defeat the Dark Lord. Leave your bits alone, you're hurting yourself. I'm sorry, really, really. I hate to put you, I don't know if this is on the spot or if that's a term that Coktikler's used, but could you give us like a monologue or like any sort of taste just a few lines from Danlit like whatever because I mean I mean we didn't get to see the play and I'm heartbroken cuz you're Here's the best cocktail I've ever seen and I just want to see I just want to hear some of Danlit

Could I see the scene where he he can France? Three ghosts Okay, oh alright, it says a month. This is very famous Can I see the scene where he he came from the three ghosts? Okay, oh all right, it says a month. This is a very famous monologue from Danlett. But I've never seen a performance. So sorry What are these three ghosts I see here? What are these three ghosts I see here. NO IS SHELLA! What are these three ghosts I see here? Have they assumed some form to be pleasing to me? I, for now I speak to you, the audience, and the others cannot hear me. This I ask, being or not being, that is the interrogative, whether it is better in the mind to live or to die.

I, Danlett, must decide, and here I look upon the faces of all of you. What do you decide? And this is the part where it becomes interactive. Yes, yes, yes. So I look at someone who looks like they would be good. So interact with and I say, what's so do you decide? I decide to follow you to the ends of food. Yeah, we get a lot of stalkers You know, and then that that's when they make themselves a parent sure

So we try to weed them out. I just want to Yes, excellent. So what thank you. Thank you That was that was unbelievable. I mean if I I wish I had like cloud with the tosser committee because I mean you earned it. That's you. Tossers are not important. The most important thing is love and second most important is defeating the dark Lord. I might flip those around. Yeah. Personally. Tom gets it. This guy gets it. You said you were in two plays. You said Danlet. Was there another one? Did you mention the other one? Yes. Or do you were in two plays, you said, Danlet, was there another one? Did you mention the other one?

Or do you have an upcoming production? Oh yeah, yes, I have a noble cock. But what's the upcoming production? Oh, it's called I have a noble cock. Oh, oh, we see, we see. What's that one about? The story of a farmer who discovers that one of his chickens is a king.

You don't know I I have a noble cop. I'm not familiar with, I've heard the title that I have never seen it before. Yes, he discovers that one of his chickens is a king. And then it's for more for children. Yeah, it sounds, when you set the title I was kind of concerned. And the eggs, he goes out and the eggs spell things out.

Like the chicken lays it in a pattern or the eggs he goes out and the eggs spell things out. Like the chicken lays it in a pattern or the eggs themselves for all, okay. Well, he thinks about the discovery later as there's a frog. Have you thought about changing it to a burger king? Well, I don't know what one is. Do you think our nor is dead? Arnie, probably.

Because I was just thinking, I mean, it's been a week. Probably Sarah. Is that the name? Yes, that is my name. Why are. Is that the name? Yes, that's his wife's name. Why are all the names so strange? If you're from Earth, send us a list of all the names. Is she called Sarah Hockamp? Do you must say Sarah? Sarah Hockamp? That would make Sarah

Hockamp. Ony Meekamp. Sarah Hockamp. I wonder how many milk boys she's had? Oh, well, Sean, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, Sam, me cam, Sam, Sam, me cam, Sam, Sam, me cam, Sam, me cam, Sam, Sam, me cam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam on earth, please email her. Yes, you can also contact me on Twitter. Send me a twat at Usador the Blue. You can also contact me by peering into the very dark depths of your partner's eyes and wishing as hard as you can. Alright, let's continue some emails here. We have an email that says, Hi, Chant, I was wondering if there will be a funeral for flowers since it was thrown off a cliff in episode 3.

Also, I don't know if you can... I don't know if we know that Flowers dead or not, right? I never saw her again. Nah, I don't know. Just falling off a cliff might not kill a flower. Yeah. Also, I don't know if you can do this, but can you feature this in the next episode of Hello from the Magic Tavern? By the way, me and my older sister are huge fans of the the show and I just wanted to say that you are our favorite character.

Oh and I hope I am hopefully getting a chunk. An older sister. How does that happen? Boys are always born first. Boy, girl boy, girl boy, girl. Yeah. Bonnie and Helen are younger than my dad. And I just want to say that you're a fair character now. I am hopefully getting a chunk t-shirt for my birthday on July 22nd I am turning 12. Oh Probably should be listening hopefully maybe please your new friend please Meg please also mention my sister Abby. She has a fandom for this podcast Megan Abby Oh, she is delighted by your fandom. So they must have an oldest brother. Yeah, I think that's absolutely right.

Eat your spiced potatoes. Well, thank you, Meg and Abby, and happy birthday on July 22. You said, or I know you don't have any emails per se, but I want to use this time where normally Arnie would read his emails. If you could, because I love your chef cadence, I would like you to have your own segment. Oh, would you give us a recipe for morgue? And oh, I got this. That's gonna be so hard for you.

Would you give us your recipe for morgue lube? Yes. Let's go. Fight. The most beautiful and fully blue mullable bush. Take it up and make sure you do not scrape the roots as you dig. Cut the root off completely. Take it back to your half-water top. Wash it off very slowly. Then, set it in a brine for six days.

Oh, then drain off the brine and crush the root in a mortar-loan pestle. I've already bitten it. Oh, and then mix in a little bit some mushrooms and put them in there as well and mash it into a ball and then bake it in your oven about 20 minutes. So it's nice and crispy on the outside and you bite into the more glut ball. It's soft and sweet on the inside. Tom, do you need a towel? You are sweating. Yeah, it's a lot to kick Mooglob, and honestly, with the stress of going back to my parents, it's very tempting to just do one night of it. No, you must be clear of mine when you go back to confront your family.

I just, just, just, please don't. You said, alright, I'm not sure if you mentioned adding some mayonnaise. I'm not sure if birth has mayonnaise. Oh, yes. Uh, mayonnaise is made from... pig whites. And I don't know. I just bite in a jar here at the Vermeerty Minotaur.

I believe it's egg whites and oil and No, and it could be a nose. I always thought Because mayonnaise is a chance food. Yeah, you're on earth have chance food Foods that begin with the syllable may because they may contain something awful That's right. Yeah, like maybe beans. Maybe beans. Yeah, which might have poop in them. Yes, exactly. But that ones that don't are delicious. Sure. May apples.

I'm not for fanna. No. I've been into too many and been confronted with a bit of my own flesh. Oh, yes. How do they make those? I don't know. Because it's definitely your own.

Yes, you can tell. You can tell. You can tell. I'm sorry, Nathan. You believe me when I say this podcast isn't real, right? I know it seems to take some of the fun out of it, but if you all knew that there were multiple dimensions, there would be dire consequences. So it's not real. We're all in this together. Chant was played by Adolfi. Usador was played by Matt Young.

The Burger King drive-through worker was played by Max Temkin. Tom Blaine Bellaroth was played by special guest Steve Waltean. Steve and Matt performed together regularly in the improvised Shakespeare company. Follow Steve on Twitter at Waltine. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacover and Ryan DeGeorgie, edited by Ryan DeGeorgie, music by Andy Poland. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBam. Learn more about the show and see for yourself how it's not real because it's fake. At hellofromthemagictavern.com

or follow us on Twitter at MagicTavern. You can find hello from the Magic Tavern on Facebook, but you can't find us in other dimensions because as I've told you, there are intenny. Order a hello from the Magic Tavern t-shirt from MagicTavern.nrbts.com Yes, an Arbor Michigan, producers of the finest t-shirts. If your t-shirt isn't from an Arbor, rip it from your chest and feed it to the dogs. All of these curious make-em-ups were brought to you by Busy Beaver Buttons Company through the Chicago Podcast Co-op.

Learn more about Busy Beaver at BusyBeaver.net. And if you'd like to put off interacting with the real world slightly longer and check out another show from the Chicago Podcast Co-op, check out your Chicago. Twice a month, host Stefania and Arden, chat with the folks who make Chicago's legendary food, keep our streets safe, store in our shows, organize our festivals,

play our unique music and more. Your Chicago, part of the Chicago podcast co-op. You