Hello From The Magic Tavern - 23 - Soul Walker

Episode Date: August 6, 2015

I thought we'd finally do an Earth Stuff episode, but an unexpected guest showed up. I still think Blemish might be creepier, though.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungSoul Walker: Ross BryantOtok Barleyfoot: Nick BaerMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Evan JacoverTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanEpisode Art: Ross BryantAdditional Sound Effects from Mike Koenig via soundbible.comYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real, but it is really sponsored by BitBash. BitBash Chicago's Interactive Arts Festival is back with a vengeance on August 22. Go to www.bitbashicago.com and use the promo code Podcast10 for 10% off your ticket. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast on the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arneini. If you haven't listened to the podcast before, here's what's going on. Months back, I fell through a magical portal behind a burger king into the magical land of fun.

Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal, I think from the burger king, and I use that to host a weekly podcast here in the tavern, Vermilion Minotaur in the town of Hogsface in the land of Foon and I'm joined as always by my guests, Chunt, the Talking Badger, hello, and Yusidor. I am Yusidor, who is an of the 12th-Rattle Mothafesius, Master of Light and Shadow, maybe later of magical lights, devour of chaos, champion of the Great Halls of Tarakas. The elves know me as f- I'm so- The elves know me as Zonin and Luke Staingees.

And I know the Northeast, as Gessimines Mesa, and there may be other secret names you do not know yet. And Arnold, you did not give your complete backstory. What did I, what did I forget? I've been here so long, am I? You skipped the part where you made love to a grimlin that looked like your wife Yeah, you fucked a memory room. I did I did first. I did not fuck a memory club and I thought a memory Yes, you did I thought a memory. Absolutely. I a memory Grymland tricked me into thinking that she was my wife and

I did spend I did spend a Good evening with that memory Grimland. I went to skir this week and I told everybody Oh, I was like the funniest thing happened in hogs face I don't know that sex with memory glimmer look like Yeah, we I've decided to just not feel bad about it. I'm sure there's gonna come a time I'm gonna have to explain this to my wife But you know what mistakes happen. I don't imagine she'll be too worried. I mean it'll probably take a while for her to understand Really what happened? Oh, she's moved on. She's moved on with her life

And I don't think she's gonna be too worried about what you've done here. Well, she's happy and she's surely dating someone else Perhaps even engaged by now. How no how, how fast relationships move on in Fune. It's only been, it's been less than half a year. Well, I mean, in Fune, I don't know how it is on Earth, but anytime somebody fucks a memory grimline, that's pretty much the end of a relationship. You know, the other day, you used to door and I killed a goat and we conjured up a picture of Smashmouth.

That was a nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, a big goat is not that good I try to resurrect the goats because I felt guilty. I know it's the worst reason a goat has ever got some Body once told me that Arnie fucked a memory Gremlin Sorry for the word emphasis. I I Matchfully look why did you say it like that? Are you alright? I don't know I just I started to say somebody once told me that you put the memory grim and for whatever reason I said some body once told me when we looked at this magical image we started getting

more than just the image. We started getting certain feelings and lots and words appearing in our heads and I looked at that terrible picture then and I thought all the glitters is not gold. Yeah, it's had a profound effect on them. Wow. Are they... No, remember enough about Smash Mouth to participate. Trust me. Trust me with their strains, things running through our brains.

Uh-huh. Isn't that your wife's favorite band? That is. And you don't know enough? I mean, you answered your own question about relationships. No, that is true. You don't know your own person. I am personally not a huge Smash Mouth fan but it is true.

My wife Sarah Maher, her real favorite band is Smash Mouth. And if you are out there Sarah... Or Smash Mouth. Wait for the first time in forever he's about to go ahead. Well I actually got distracted if you're out there Smash Mouth. Yes, it's a fun one boy. Send us an email at magic tavern at puppies dot supplies and help me get in touch with my wife she would be very I mean I

feel like she would take the news best from smash mouth is in your world is smash mouth to someone who would talk to you I don't know I mean I would say no but they're getting someone told her Her husband had sex with a memory garmin You sit or you're becoming almost like a shock shock. What do you mean by that? I don't it's earth stuff I don't want to explain no that tells all right. We'll do we will do in our stuff episode sometimes soon. I promise Oh Oh, it's a cold, cold cold. It's cold, it's cold. What? Greetings, walkers in the realm of Hawk's face.

Name myself, demon, what be thy form? Name, have I not. Gas minus may saw. It's from the North East. Gas maintenance may saw its from unknown things some of us our We are from many realms But we walk as one I don't understand he smells like he's dead He does he looks like he's dead. This is the darkest of humans. A soul walker here amongst us at the tavern. Soul walker, it sounds like a Rudger hower movie or sound.

Unwed Mothersed! Hi guys, sounds away! Arnie, is this your guess for this week? I-I-I didn't have a guess for this week. I was gonna do our Earth stuff episode, but I guess... Don't be rude, interview him. Tell me your purpose in being here, foul creature! No purpose, greater than to learn of your doings here.

Arnie, who he can see. Whoa, he knows my name. He even sounds dumb when he says it and his voice is awesome. Yes, his voice is awesome. Hey, Arnie, me, camp. Okay, Soul Walker. Soul Walker. What is... Can I call you anything else besides Soulwalker? No, you see a Soulwalker. Here's a corpse that is filled with the souls of many beings

There could be upwards of seven souls in there They are 13 or maybe like a dozen. I don't know 13 is more than a dozen acres. That's what we call them food a baker's does yes You have a baker's doesn't we do have a we also in food. We have a spraised we say spice potato spiced potato We don't like the same thing. No, we don't have that Spiced potato spiced potato because it's that's a simple This is a walker here. It started with seven, but did not take More had to be added to give me life

You see the necromancers of the dark, they've created something more evil than even the most evil creature that I have ever seen. Oh, oh, oh, that I could cast the out of here right now. Fear the power of light and shadow! I cast Fully Ching Color, Pantan! A Grath on Mugra. Oh! Oh! Oh! Use it or smell this. So shut!

This is the best guest ever! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Sweet to us! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Yeah! Does that mean that when one of you talks you all talk? No matter what you're doing? We take turns word by word. Oh, the 13 people inside you, I'm sorry. Yes. So, do we, there are 13 goats inside of you? That is one way of putting it. Like the 13 ghosts of Scooby-Doo

I'm trying to remember here. I'm gonna take this knife. It's gonna hurt But I'm just gonna Is that a laugh they laugh one hot a time They laugh one hot a time so you know in my world There's actually like an improv exercises. This is sort of like where each person has to just say one word at a time and it's very difficult to pull off as this each is what makes it work is listening. Can we give you the title of the story and the 13 souls inside you

have to create a story one one word at a time. Spoken the name of the dark one. That was probably Arnie. No, that was you said or you said his name Well, you would have come to rob his ears his mind his eyes Are bent on you Walker between the worlds You it yes, see I told you long ago. No, know no I'm just thank God. He just wants Arnie No, I'm gonna take him take him take him No, look at him. Look at him. See you here. Look come on. We got to work together Maybe we can defeat him look at my what's up. I'll pedal okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get us out of here

Okay, so on my world There's an improv exercise that this is kind of like we're one word at a time. I'm already bored. We have Wait, he's in the huddle We have wait he's in the huddle Go ahead and say it okay, so it by like if we can convince one of these Spirits to be just kind of a dick and always like throw it off and just like not participate and just like throw in a word That doesn't really make sense with the sentence. Maybe it'll like just Throw off the whole inner workings of all the ghosts inside him. Why would somebody do that? Wouldn't they want to feed into this story? I don't know.

Oh, disgruntled spirits mastered by the necromancers of the Dark Lord. Does thou wish any freedom to speak thy known words and not be the mouthpiece of another? We have never known to freedom till we were free from death by the Dark Lord. another! I don't think he was dumb. As important as going when to begin a lesson you could earn well. I mean he has a point. He's worse with the dark lord but you did cut him off. I thought he was saying that did it was gonna work and then no one was gonna help. I thought I was planning with Stuart.

Fine. Why don't we go ahead and interview him a little bit more. So Soul Walker, who are these 13 souls that make you up? The souls of those who served the Dark One in life and in return, were granted the gift of immortality to dwell forever in waking death within this shell. Tell us about maybe your favorite of the souls, like a little bio or something about, or maybe how they died or something hard to pick favorites I speak now as myself My name was Chris Bix

Chris Bix I was a troubadour was Chris Bix. Chris Bix? I was a troubadour in the realm of Grim Fallen. Always second best was I until I pledged myself to the dark one. He gave me the power to play music so beautifully that I became the most wondrous in the realm. Is that useful to the dark one? Would you play like the fiddle or what was like your... I played the rimhorn? Oh, okay.

Oh rimhorn. Hmm, sounds kind of dirty. You need a very tight ombisher in order to play the rimhorn correctly. Is an ombisher like a butthole or what's an ombisher? I suppose a butthole an ambasure all its own I see so you got like employed as a you get a like a rim job basically yes I was given a rim job Oh this guy's a pervert bring forward another one this guy I think I think I'm questions but he's being a pervert yeah that's fair well and that's coming from me that's coming from me. Hello, I was called Jorix.

Oh, this guy seems fun or so. I loved a woman who did not love me back. I can tell from your faces you've been there. No, they're not sure. The dark one gave me glimmers to seduce her, and in return, all I had to give him was our first born. Oh, that's not so bad? No, that is bad. Considering the death rate, I mean it's crap too anyway. It was basically nothing. Yeah. And furthermore, the gift of immortality

here within this Soulwalker cohorts. All right, I have slid a rock into the Solwaka's bucket. Yeah, it's a magical rock. These rocks don't do anything. I've seen you actually do magic, but I don't understand your obsession with these rocks. The rocks will pull the Solwaks out and separate the monster back into the Severed. Do you usually call yourself weak? We'll pull this out and separate the monster back. So just keep it up. Do you usually call yourself Wee or do you call yourself Soul Water?

Like is it, do you, we normally call ourselves Wee? Got you. Okay. We're really not getting the most useful of information. But, I mean, we're trying, we get more information about the dog. Will you ask him something? What is, this is your podcast, you ask him something? We have subsumed and on how S1.

Great. Dick, you made him come back together. What is the dark Lord's plan in sending you here? What is his dark purpose? What is he hope to learn from Ahni Nikap? Mainly to offer the gift that he can extend to such a one as can travel between the realms and his companions. Let's hear the offer. Yeah, let's hear it.

Let's hear it. It's not going to hurt to hear it. I think. These ribbons between worlds, the dark one wishes to travel these same roads to spread his influence farther. If he can learn, he will offer you what you desire your sa-ra. Wow. Is anybody else getting turned down by his image? It's not the time. Just the immature of his voice. It is very powerful. So the Dark Lord is saying that if I can teach him how to travel between worlds, he can give me my wife back. And my whole family?

Of course, using his necromantic powers. Well, he will dismember the corpses of those who have served him and with the smells of the ox rots make a new Sarah for you greater than she who came before. You will forget the one that you knew. I guess so I'm going to. Can gonna say I'll show us three times fast If I do that a human will be congenit Let's see where this goes no Little demon with a top hat Just a little demon with a top hat

Chant one chant stay to now three four. He has four but all Guys, let's take a quick break. Let's let's keep Chant away from this little four but hold demon and Let's get I need a drink. I need a drink right now. Hi, it's O'Talk Barley Fought from the Vermilion Minotaur. This week's Rumor of the Week is, the Smolvering Widow is a festering stinkhole who are terrible at both mittens and bonepins. Sorry, Smolvering Widow. If you like to hear another rumour, you're going to have to come down to the Vermilion

Minotaur and buy yourself a drink, friend a drink from any of our fine bar stamp The Vermilion Minotaur Right on the fool's errand just at the corner of mixing a shame for us All right, we're back We had that whole break to come up with a plan. Hey, we didn't. I just drank. I just drank three needs really fast. That's too fast.

Soul Walker! What does the Dark Lord know of the encroaching void? He knows our void. He has learned to fear it. He learns to dominate it and means the aid of a powerful. If you would lend your might, you adore to the Dark One. You would be made which by his mercy and his gifts. My power joined with that of the Dark Lord.

That's the first time you've been asked to go on a quest. Yeah, light and shadow, eating the Dark Lord. Why such a being could create magical wonders of such strength, unknown power, untold, think of, destructive power. Yes, I could become the greatest wizard in all of food. But wait, you said, you said, or, you said, or, listen to me. Yes, you could join up with the Dark Lord. But you'd probably fuck it up, you would fuck it up. Right.

Buh. I was there. All right, never mind. Rarul. Rarul. I was rarer. Rarul. All right, never mind. I don't want to do it. Daaah! Oh! I'm still taking offers.

What do you get? Tund. Yes. You're so close to his face right now. What is it you wish most of all? Ten buttholes. No. No. I'd be dumb to do ten eleven

Would that perhaps my button? Yes, you'd be a disaster To become a creature so dense with buttholes Would we be a thing more whole than creature? Yeah, you'd be like a sponge. Let me I just want Ah boy, I don't want to fuck the nonsense. He's the abominations that please that dark one. John, do you have any non-butthole-related wishes or dreams or aspirations? Not really. I mean... What if you just went back to one?

Really? Really go minimal? Okay, wait. If I had a permanent picture or a permanent painting of Queen Tatanya, naked, but she's like covered in like... like she's wet. A permanent picture, or a permanent painting of Queen Tatanya. Naked. But she's like covered in like, like she's wet. Like milk or something? What? So, to clarify, just a picture.

I think so. I'll join the dark lord for this picture. The power of the dark one could transform you into anything. I can already transform in anything provide you with any one to Pleasure yourself upon and thus transform into I Can do the picture would suffice to please your soul. I got to get better. I don't like that. He said pleasure upon that song I think that's Chris Beck's talking a pro pleasure at pleasure at you. Yeah, I'm playing you do not experience pleasures of the fish any longer Do you have a do you have a penis or a vagina?

it We then and Discreated who long ago for walker what I Gotta be honest with you like what is the upside you know how great it is to be this this like living walking corpse but honestly it seems like kind of a rod is great so ss dub if I can call you s dub what can you let us know like what the Dark Lord is like he is darkness in Yes incarnate, if you were to see him, he would steal the light from your eyes. It's awesome.

You mean light, such as this? Galee-leaf-letting color! Ah, look on that light, soul-walker. Does it burn your eye? Does it burn your souls? Look at me, she's kinda squishing. Oh my god, see no fall out. Hmm. Krill Steve, cut and pass!

Yeah. Shutter with that, set up brain. It's a... The Giafresh Neth, Acryfresh, Cowdy Stain. Oh my god, grab some. Yeah, they're just gonna... Got it, Kasi-La-ro. The Opera Fresh Cowdy's stain! I'm gonna go grab some. Yeah, they're just gonna... God, it's a lot more! For M. Pontain!

For E' Coru! Oh man, it's just like people thinking at each other really hard, it's like the end of Dark City. Here you go, here's a meat. Look, Soul Walker. Is there anything we can do to stop the Dark Lord? There must be some part of you, some part of your 13 souls, that wants to speak out and give us any kind of clue about how we can stop them.

Oh no, this is the gift that you are supposed to bring to my party. I think I saw this in an episode of the 13 Gauss Scooby Doo. I just might work. What does Scooby Doo do? Will you join our quest to defeat the Dark Lord? What is this temptation laid before us? There must be one of you that just fucking hates your boss. Yeah, whatever that soul is, like let's, we'll give that soul.

Does one of you like spiced potatoes? Rainbow balls? There is none of us that could be dick-by. Oh, there it is! We are immortal and cannot be taken in by Sub-Card. He said, dick and cock. One of the souls is out. True.

Well done, Arnold. I bet it's Chris Bex. I bet it 100 rubies it's Chris Bex. I think this idea that Arnold put forth and my rock have turned against the so-walker. I'm pretty sure it's a rock. What could you even offer such a one as us? French, and more French. Spice potato?

It is a French hip or French. It's not a hot dog. It's not a hot dog. It's not that's hot. I don't know. Hello. Oh, he's hot. He's not again. It is easy to slip into a apple. This is just truth. I know because we're just looking at each other.

We're not seeing what's going on around us. As long as the most vulnerable position you can be. That's true. I sure you know, no one's gonna sneak up. Oh, wait, wait. What would they do and Scooby-Dooing? Scooby-Dooing? They would rip the head off and there'd be what would be a mask underneath if you rip off a head It's a mask. I don't think you know how heads and faces work

It was a cat once you rip off someone's head. That's not a mask. Let's try you killed the sharp his head I didn't say and 12 sprouted I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Free us Free us. Free us. Who is this? Is this Chris Picks? No, Chris Picks is a perfect. This is a different voice. It's a new voice. Who is this? Who are you?

This is a living death. This is a prison. How can we free you? What can we do? The ruin that's drawn on the forehead of? Of the sol walker if you erase it the spell will be broken our souls will return to death Oh quick here. I'm gonna look my thumb Before you do I must tell you the most Why did you it's god damn now there's just a fucking corpse why didn't he say that first? I know that was, he did that on purpose. Guys, guys, good news, good news.

We defeated the so-walkers. And there's still a four-but-hold tiny demon with a top hat. Wow, we just were really went through something. I don't... I feel like it would really call me down to maybe read some emails. So who's your guest for today? Nah, I didn't have a guest.

We were gonna talk about Earth stuff. Wow, me. Today was a stuff. We'll do it eventually. We'll do it eventually. Look, maybe while I read some emails here, if you want to email us here at the podcast, you can email us at magictavern at puppies.supplies.

I swear, it's a real email address. Here's one I got recently. It's addressed to Karni, it's Carnival. I recently discovered that we are fellow alumni of OU Go Bobcats. I was curious if there was a bar on Court Street that was similar to the Vermilion Minotaur, as well as what your Athens Tavron of choice would be. Eric Master of the House, confounder of variables, thro'er of the mentalists, reverse of baselines, conqueror of Jeff Hill. I like his name. Yeah, that's quite a name.

Well, you know, Eric, I did go to Ohio University back on Earth, that's where I studied. That's where the OU stands for. That's what OU stands for. I thought he just didn't know all the vowels. It's true. Um, I would say, I mean, the Vermilion Minotaur, I guess, sort of like the Union.

So there's a court street, is that like a King's Court? No, it's just a really long street with a lot of bars on it. You guys would love it. Does the burger region frequent this court street? I don't think so. I mean, this was, I was there a long time ago. And there was no Burger King. Mostly just a lot of places to buy bagels.

I would say that the Vermilion Minotaur is like, had not quite as nice the union or, but it's actually probably like the smiling skull saloon, which is one of my favorite. Who's smiling skull? I know. It's kind of like, it seems like it's gonna be scary, but it's cool. He's done the chun's night before.

There's a smiling skull here? Yeah, he tells just like really positive stories. He had an open mic, a great friend. Oh wow, yeah, open mic, who's an inside-outer, right? Right, right. I wanna check out open mic night sometime. What about chun's night? No, not gonna happen.

Chun, did you get any emails this week? I did, let's see here. This is from Andy Mancini. He says, hey, Chant, I hope you get this email. I guess Arnold must let you use his laptop from time to time. Something's being buggy me and it's the pun in Chant's up with that.

What is it? Because Chant sounds like another word that doesn't really fit in that line anyway. Is there a pun I'm missing? I reckon what's up chunt is infinitely better and works on numerous levels from Andy Manchin There's no pun. It's just that's just what I say is chun sub with that. There's no yeah What's the word he's thinking? Yeah, that's not a good one. I don't know Now use it or you also you're on Twitter now and people can contact you. You can tWat it to me at

Use it all the blue you can also contact me by digging a grave Bury in yourself in this grave and speaking the words of Pandanama Khan backwards and thinking about how much you hate spin-tax all of the words on the pen like the whole book The whole book backwards. It's just as good backwards as it is for words. That just gets all right. That seems a lot easier. So you can reach me, I forget to mention, you can reach me at chunt at gmail.com, that's chump with 60s, and I will only respond to emails with the subject line smash, Mal.

As always, please write us positive reviews on iTunes. It really helps. People on Earth need to know about this stuff. Clearly the Dark Lord wants to get to Earth, so the people at Earth need to know more about this. So right as a review on iTunes, give us a lot of stars, give it the subject line Smash mouth. I'm going to get a broom and get some of these freed souls off the ceiling. Oh yeah, it's Otak is gonna be so pissed at us, we made it.'s really messy let's do a story one word at a time there once came dick well that was creepy good thing it wasn't real if it was real your world

governments would certainly start mucking around in things they shouldn't be mucking around in. What I'm saying is, stay in your own dimension. I mean our dimension. I mean, there aren't dimensions. Shant the Badger is a sensitive guy and he's always played by Abel Rafi. Usador the Blue likes to shout with his lung and his hand-alepot raid by the human mat young. I can't sustain that any longer. Special guest Ross Bryant played the Soul Walker. Ross will be performing with Improvai Shakespeare at Largo in LA September 15th and 16th.

You can follow Ross on Twitter at Ross Bryant. And this episode's special cover art was also made by Ross. That way if acting doesn't pan out he has another skill to fall back on. Art, that money maker. Check out more of Ross's art on Instagram at RossBB. O'Talk Barley Foot was played by Nick Baer. This podcast was produced by Ryan DeGeorgie, Evan Jacover and Arnie Neacamp. In case you're wondering if podcasting is a full-time career, you edit, Evan and Arnie both spend their days working at Jackbox Games, making party games like Quiplash and Fibbage

and Dwarfle. Get these games on Steam, PS3, PS4 and Xbox 1, or simply go to jackboxgames.com. You can subscribe to this podcast on iTunes and give it a review. Make sure to mention that it's not real. I'm watching you all very closely. To prove my point, which has already been excellently argued, Trisha will now read several of the names of people who gave the podcast five star reviews on iTunes. Are you there, Trisha? Um, okay, I'll try. I'll do my best. Um, Mishna 214, Mr. Mystery Van Covington. That's a good one. Tomite, where is Thera?

Where's Thera? Where's Thera? Cece Kelly, Rudra Makes Movies, Josh TPR, C. Caldwell, 25. I'm Body RTR, Jimmy Jim, BRZ 2099, Brose, BroseZ. 2099. Brows to 2099. TD Sinclair.

Shy Guy Freddy. Dusty of Oris? I like hyphens. Oh, and it's hyphenated, that's clever. The token ginger. Mayor Diddy-ass. And I can't read the rest of these right now. Oh, Tricia, I suspect you're going to destroy me.

We'll do more of those very soon. All of this creepy, playful, fantastical world building was brought to you by BitBash via the Chicago Podcast Co-op. Get your tickets to BitBash at 10% off with the promo code Podcast10 at bitbashicago.com