Hello From The Magic Tavern - 31 - Bridge Troll

Episode Date: October 3, 2015

This week we test our riddle-solving skills against an actual bridge troll. Hope he doesn't eat us!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBridge Troll: Padraic ConnellyGlenn Miller: Nick GageSpants: Meridith StepienSpindella: Jamie BurnsMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real, but it is really sponsored by Emporium Arcadebar. Emporium hosts awesome game, beer, food, and live music events daily in Wicker Park and Logan Square. Visit EmporiumChicago.com for info. Hello from the Magic Tavern! Hello! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arnie Neekamp.

If you haven't listened to the podcast before, a little over a half a year ago, I fell through a dimensional hole behind a Burger King into the mystical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal. I think through the dimensional rift from the Burger King and I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the Vermilion Minotaur, a tavern in the town of Hogsface, in the land of fune. And I am joined as always by my Goon Companions.

Hello. You want to go first? Oh, ch-ch-chunt here. Hey, chunt. How's it going? Pretty good. We've been a little- we've been getting along a little better this week Yeah, I feel like I haven't Haven't badmouthed you and I know I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I miss chants night, but I'm gonna get there soon Okay, I mean just get there and I think that wound will have been you. Hey, Chuchu I'm so excited that we're kind of friendly or now. Yeah, it feels pretty good. Yeah

And I of course am use at all. Wizard of the 12th realm of a fesious Hey, Chuchu, I'm so excited that we're kind of friendly or not. Yeah, it feels pretty good. Yeah. And I, of course, am Yusudor, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos, Turpian of the Great Holes of Tarakas, the Elves Nubius Fying Yalak, the Duos Nubius Zonen and Hukstengis, and I am known in the North East as guests from Winnius Mastar. The deities of all my names, they are many names of great power. Dale, great.

Yeah, Dale's free will see. What a strength that shall be. It's the three. He used to feed the dark lord, ye, when these names are all revealed then Surely this means they show Some people call them the whiz the whiz really shorten wizard to the whiz. Yeah, yeah, yes, that's very common Yeah, for all wizards. Oh, look. It's the whiz. Yeah, do they call you that when they see you coming on down coming on down Yeah, they say there is he's getting on down getting on down the road. Oh, I see there. There's the Wiz right there. Yes

Exactly. How did you know I was just just guessing just speculating? So Chuchu how you been? What's what's your week been like? Well, I've been a little bit sad. I was dating that Wolverine and yeah her name was Ann Ann Arbor and we broke up so It's fine. I miss how she's's like so you're her ex-man what you're her ex-man I guess no what were you what's your train of thought no it's it's all right it's it's it's playing on earth but it's that's not what I don't I don't think it is so I've started seeing someone else she's a she's a cockroach and I had an awkward it is. So I've started seeing someone else. She's a cockroach, and I had an awkward, it's kind of awkward moment I went to her house to pick her up, and her daddy was her papa,

her papa roach. And I mean, just meeting a father, papa roach, it's just like they're super intimidating. Yeah. When you're around them, it's like, it's just like you're suffocating. There's no breathing. You know, I can't tell if those are references or not Oh, no, I'm just talking about my life. Oh, sure. Of course. Yeah, you know what we should we should the meet our guest great We are being joined. I'm very excited. We have I have not met a troll yet

But we're joined by a bridge troll named Clovis. Hello. Hey Clovis. It's so wonderful to be here. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it's nice. I guess I don't really know in Foon, are trolls avoided? I don't know what's the nice way to ask.

So you invited a troll onto the podcast, and then in front of him, the very first thing you ask is are trolls avoided? Oh well, well now, now it's a perfectly legitimate question, I think. Oh, I see. A bridge troll is an honorific. It's a title. I'm a troll.

Bridge troll is the title I go by. It's my job description. And generally people do try to avoid bridge trolls. Oh, I see. What, now, what distinguishes a bridge troll from a regular troll? Oh, you can't fucking figure that out. I guess Kai could use context clues.

I provide the service of living under a bridge and guarding the path crossing the bridge. Oh, so you've stopped people from going over the bridge? Oh, but it's just very briefly on the travels to disparate land. Uh-huh. Is there a specific bridge that you're currently guarding? Yes, I called the Ashtet Bridge. The What Bridge? The Ashtet Bridge. The Ashtet? Yes. The Ashtet? Ashtet. Ashtet? The Ashtet Bridge. Ashtet. Ashtet. I'm Ashtet. I-A-S-H-I-T. What's wrong with your brain? I don't know, good. Yeah, Ashit for brains, I guess. It's a very... It's a very old bridge. Sure, yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah, what does that does that mean anything in another language? Ashton? Oh, most bridges are named after the architect who designed them. This one was named after Cornball.

Oh shit Corn, I'm sorry. Cornball Ashton. Cornball Ashton. It's carved into the bridge. I mean, it's hanging across a bridge You can expect two things one a troll living underneath it who's gonna ask you some sort of riddle and to the Architect's name is gonna be Sort of carved into it. That's how you know who designed the bridge. Yeah, I see So now are you really into like the history of your bridge? Like oh my gosh absolutely bridge is over 430 years old Wow, it's even older than you used to know the moon

Yeah, it was designed by Cornball Aschid, who was not respected as an architect in his own time. He mostly built little shacks for his neighbors and his family. He was killed during the design and construction of said bridge. His bones are still in there somewhere. Oh no, that's awful. Oh, that's how most bridge builders die. Making a bridge.

Yeah, during the construction of it, they usually crush the death under the... How embarrassing for a bridge builder to survive the construction of his own bridge. Oh, it's a great shame. You never want to see two, your name on two different bridges. You want to work your way up to building your own bridge to have your name on it. It also works as your epitaph. Can you give, I'm just, I'm curious because I, you know, I've known Arne for a little bit. I would be curious for you to ask him a typical riddle and see if you could possibly

solve a bridge riddle. Yeah. Yeah. That's a service we provide, blocking people from going over the bridge. If, you know, once they get there, they think they're going to cross merrily on their way and they say to themselves, oh, I hope there's not a bridge trolling under this bridge. But there are always it here. Almost always, yes. Unless they're off for the day. I know, even. Like right now, there's nobody guarding the Ashtet Bridge.

I know. This is my day off, but it's still difficult to leave your work at home, which in my case is under the bridge. Sure. So, so if I were coming to cross Asher Bridge, and would you see me coming from a ways off or you always is hanging out at the top? Would you see him getting on down the road?

Yeah, I can always listen for people. I have very good hearing. So I'm able to hear cartwheels, footsteps, anyone just easing their way on down the road. It's interesting that you start with cartwheels, foot steps, anyone just easing their way on down the road. It's interesting that you start with cartwheels and not foot steps, but continue. Horts hooves? Yes, of course. No.

So I'm under the bridge, mine in my own business, and suddenly I hear a cartwheel, or a horse hoof, or footfalls, or some other mode of transportation. At this point, I leap out of hiding and surprise the person trying to cross the bridge. So why don't we roll play? Oh goodness. Alright, so I will be, hey, I'm just walking towards this bridge. Do you want me to be the bridge troll?

Yes, why don't you be? I'll be the bridge. Okay. Let me just lay across the table here. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, We'll hear it though. Let me just, this is really not necessary. Push up position. That's sort of cool. And now I'll try to get underneath you. Okay. Well, pop out and surprise I'll travel.

So I have to get on top. Excuse me. I mean, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm gonna stay out. Yeah. All right, I'll get to that stand here. I'll be by myself. So, hey, boy, I'm excited to go over this bridge.

I sure hope there are. Why are you talking about what you're doing? Okay, well, I just see, I'm setting to go over this bridge, I sure hope there are. Why are you talking about what you're doing? Okay, well, I'm setting the scene. Oh, go ahead, I saw Andrew. And at this point, you would have given away the whole game because I know how excited you are. So I'm going to make this extra difficult on you. Oh, no!

Okay, hey, nothing. Definitely not trying to cross this bridge. Oh, now I'm calling this into question. Should I even jump out at this point if you're not gonna try to cross the bridge? All right, so walking walking walking very good walking walking walking At this point I would slobber all over you are not gonna do that a polite establishment like this But I would try to get a good amount of spittle on your face and let's say that the suns I'm just gonna pretend the sun's going down. So you're losing your sight Okay, you're losing your mind you

So play the sun in this role play Gale of licking color. Oh, yeah, that's a very bright What Hawk who goes there trying to cross over the Ashtet bridge? It's Ernie Well, Arnie, I hope that you have an important destination For it's one you may never reach unless you can answer this riddle. Okay, time out. Mm-hmm. We're all playing Where where would I be going to like it's from hogs face? What is on the other side of the Ashtag bridge? It's basically you know how you have to empty out latrines every so often. Sure. That's where they dump them. Oh, God Mm-hmm. So it's kind of a really miserable journey

of the people that are crossing the bridge. Let's continue it. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, hey, I am going to empty my Latrine. Well, before you can empty that Latrine, you must solve this puzzle I will pose to you. Otherwise, I shall eat your flesh and grind your bones into a fine paste.

Let's just see it. I mean, even though we're pretending, let's just see if Rani gets it wrong that you still do that. Oh, all right. No, no. Well, it depends on how far I want to take this role play. I'm getting into this. This is nice. Let's take it all the way. All right. Here is my riddle. What walks on full legs in the morning, two legs in the day. A man, three... A man.

You didn't let me finish. No, it's... And three legs at dusk. Uh, a human being, a man. At this point, I would eat your flesh and grind your bones. That answer makes no sense. What? So four legs in the morning?

Right. As a baby. Huh? Were you crolling all four? Two legs is when you're an adult. You just kind of walk around and then three legs is you have a cane. That cane is your third leg.

Oh, what a clever solution to your little brittle. So on Earth, a person can be a baby in the morning, turn into a man in the afternoon, and then be old at night. Oh, how terrible. No, well, that's sort of, I mean, it's more metaphorically. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, terrible. No, well, that's sort of I mean, it's more metaphor like Oh no, my riddles are incredibly literal. Oh, I see. What's the radiance? A garfund. Oh a garfund It's a that's that's a pretty level one entry level riddle if you ask me garfund

It's a creature in its larval stage It has as four tiny legs which it uses to swim around and ponds. Then eventually it walks up on two legs when it gets on the land shedding its extra leg. Eventually, as it's nearing death, it grows a third leg, which it uses for its reproductive cycle. And this is all during the course of a day, single day. And usually a garfun will be, if it's on a bridge, it'll be on a bridge over troubled water. That's normally where a garfund would, would, would hang out. Yeah, not laughing about that. You're just getting the sound of silence. What? I would like to do a role play next.

Oh, alright. Yeah, you said it across the bridge. I would like to answer it a little, even though I have already purchased an R-pass. You haven't had to pass so many bridges at all my travels. No, just to show my R-Pass. Yeah, in this roleplay, do you have your R-Pass on you? Because in that case, I'm just gonna wave you by straight into the cesspit. No, just for the sake of entertainment. I shall not show the R-Pass. It's very difficult to get an R-Pass on it.

What do you have to do to get an R-Pass? I have to answer it. I have battery of riddles to prove that you can cross any bridge and food. Wow, so you're, you know a lot of riddles. I am a master. That's how I got my bridge troll job. I started off administering all past tests. Ah, yes.

It's a terrible bureaucracy. Do you come up with your own riddles or are they're like, you know, approved troll riddles? Oh, we have an entire book of approved troll riddles, but I try to submit one at least once a month for approval. Sure. There's some very clever troll bridge riddle riders out there. I'm sure. Have you ever gotten one approved? I came very, very close. I had a very clever one, at least so I thought, but it did not make the final cut.

It was voted down by the readers of Trull Bridge Weekly. Well, maybe use this one. Use the door is pantomiming, writing a horse, I think. I am writing Grimhoop, the fifth fastest horse in food. Oh, at this point, I would hope that Grimhoop is treading quite heavily, because otherwise, he might blow right over the bridge before I have a chance to jump out.

So let's say Grimhuff's going at just a decent trot. Yes, yes, exactly. Oh, Halt! Who goes there crossing the Ashtag Bridge? It is I! You should all wish it over the twelfth realm of a fesious master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical lights, the hour of chaos, champion of the great holes of Turakus, the illsnobius fying yellow, the dwarvesnobius zone in hook stangies that I am known in the northeast as gas-way-dius mey star, and I ride here to empty my chamber pot into the corn-woth swamps, and I ride upon my good friend, the lord of horses, Grimhoop, the fifth fastest horse in food. Very well, this is a riddle for Grimhoop.

All right. What? Who's going to play Grimhoop? Well, technically it's the horse crossing over the bridge and you're just riding on the horse. That's the truth. Yeah, that's the truth. But Grimhoop is not here, so someone will have to play his role.

I'll play it. Oh, I've been a tiny horse, so I see the horse. see the same thing very good. All right, grim will be a bird All right grim hoof what is three plus seven No cheating bird that would be ten I'm sorry. I thought we were doing a role play. Yes yeah. Just grim it, just grim it. That is why they're approved riddles you see for they you can't ask a horse the the riddle that was posed to you Oh absolutely I've got a horrible question I'm really embarrassed to ask this

Oh yes absolutely yes he has with flying colors you see I'm afraid that Arnold is so good at counting Oh dear A lot of trouble counting Oh I'm so glad I'm so glad I did not ask you that. I know. Yeah. Can we do one more role play? Oh, I'd love to. I'm saying I would like I just want to use story answer one. So let's pretend you said or one of my favorite people in the world, uh, uh, uh, spance. Uh, and spances a beautiful, she's a beautiful musician and we'll say that the, the, the use of door spans and he's playing a song and he's just about to get to the bridge and then you ask him a question

All right Palt who goes over the ashtet bridge? This is spants Well spants. I hope you read Battles That's a beautiful song. Thank you. You're welcome. I hope you really need to empty your latrine. No, I do. I must empty my latrine.

For I am in love with chun. No, I don't like him anymore. Very well. Then you must answer this riddle. What's inside my left hand? There's no birds in this scenario. There's no. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh's a face corn. It's a face corn. Wow. That's actually incredible. I've never had anyone get that one right. Great job. I don't know if Span sort of actually got that one right. But as a wizard, I have. I just want to do some Vietnam. Well, you know what, actually, that's kind of a coincidence because Span's Glen Miller

and Spindeller are actually asked if they could play a song for us. And let's refresh our drinks and let's hear a song from Span's Glen Miller and Spindella. Spindella? You tell us. Oh Finally Let me know the town's end for the two very men. Oh! And we're back. Hey, sorry! No, I was just enjoying that song about the fire season. Um... Yeah, Vistache's coming to a close here? Yeah, Vistache. I have to say Vistache is my least favorite of the seasons.

Why is that? I have the fire. It's so much fire. You're covered in some pretty severe burns. I know. It's been a painful month for me. But we're entering fall now, and I'm excited. It'll be a little more, a little less dangerous. Why didn't you get a charm? Oh, a charm?

Yeah, during Vichita, she get a charm so that you're not burned by the falling fire. I didn't know that that was, why didn't you guys? I'm pretty sure I mentioned it. Nah, I should listen to you more. I knew that you didn't hear it. Oh, Sean, chew chew. Well, anyway, Clovis, how long have you been under Ashtet Bridge? Oh, coming up on 25 years now.

Wow. That'd be anniversary. Thank you, thank you so much. And now I want to ask you about your your home under the bridge. Mm-hmm. Now I have been over the Ashton bridge in my lifetime. Oh, yes. Have you have you to met? It used to door was in the middle of saying something and you interrupted him. Sorry. But yes, we of course have been acquainted. I usually just show my ar-pass and I don't have answer, Riddle.

Yeah, I usually have a way of you jumping out and then just wave him right by. Right, right. Oh, I'll, that's right here. I do get, I do get a lot of slubber on me, though. I appreciate that. Some trolls don't believe that is their duty. Sssh, you get mucus all over their passives by. And I say that is the traditional way that trolls should operate. Yeah, it's tradition. Yes, tradition.

You're going to cross over a bridge and just leave it completely dry and mucus-free. Oh, of course. Now I've noticed that you're a boat under the bridge. It looks quite polo. Oh, thank you. I've, there are many bridges in Fune, but not all of them have homes underneath that are quite so nice as yours.

Oh yes, the Asher Bridge. It's a, it was neglected and I came to it. The, the previous bridge trail had not kept it up in wonderful shape. So I've acquired many things from passes by. Sometimes in lieu of a riddle, I'll perform a trade with the person crossing over or they can give me something of value for their life, or maybe they can best mean physical combat, something like that, or just simply outwit me.

But I've got a wonderful bunch of trades and have managed to, I think, very nicely appoint my bowed. That's fantastic. And some... How many people do you grind their bones per day, do you say? Oh, fewer than you'd think. You were than I think? Mm-hmm. I think...

I... A day? Oh, many people have to empty their latrines. Oh, yes, that's the... You... You're way too high. Way too high. Usually it's sometimes one.

Just one? Mm-hmm. Usually no more than five a week. Oh, well. Have you ever, um, you know, sort of of fallen love with any maiden that tried to cross a bridge or is there any special bridge troll in your life? Oh, well, there's the one that got away. There's how many?

Just the one. Oh, just one got away. What was there near? Bridget. Wow. Yeah. She and I started off together. You know, writing riddles and administering the test for the R passes. We worked at Windows right next to each other. Yes. I was assigned to the Asht Ship Bridge, same way she was assigned to the 59th Street Bridge.

Was named after Edwin 59th Street. So I was wondering, was named after Edwin 59th Street. So I was wondering, uh, Clovis, what are the kind of trolls? Are they're besides bridge trolls? Oh, well, there's cave trolls. Uh, that's, that talk about a cushy job. Sure. Just sitting around in a cave all day, a nice cool damp cave.

How often do people, yeah, how often do people go into your cave? Oh, I often venture into caves, looking for gold and glory and treasure and magical items of all sorts. I once found some box trolls. People said they're pretty good, it was fine. It's just I mean that it was a box in box of trolls is fine. Sure. Yeah.

Well, like there's a lot of work that won't win into that box of trolls. Well, let's tell us more about the trolls that you know. Oh, well, let's fine. Sure. There's a lot of work that won't went into that box of trolls. Whoa, but tell us more about the trolls that you know. Oh, well, let's see. There's also tree trolls. Sure. Sometimes you're talking into a tree and you're in the middle of a conversation

and then almost suddenly you realize you're getting mucus and spit on you and you realize, hold on, you're not a talking tree, you're another troll and you've been having me on. Bye, see you. And usually they're not gonna threaten to eat you're another troll and you've been having me on. Nice. Yes. And usually they're not going to threaten to eat your flesh and grind your bones. Usually they're just going to inconvenience you.

Sure. Like while you're talking to the tree, they're going to loosen the nuts on the cart wheels of your cart. Do you have a trolls on earth? Just on the internet. What does that mean? I don't want to talk about that. So that spider trolls?

Spider trolls? Yes, spider trolls. I don't know. Oh, because of the internet. What does that mean? I don't want to talk about that. So the spider trolls? Spider trolls? Yes, spider trolls. I don't know what... Oh, because of the internet. No, uh, oh boy. Well, so you said or you and Chant have been using my computer sometimes to go on to Twitter and Yes, to send out twits. And so there's this whole kind of community of people online. It's called being online on the internet and some of those people are trolls and they sort of try to stop you from just having a decent time on the internet. Oh, what's their motivation behind that? To make themselves feel important, I guess. Oh, yeah, so you would categorize yourself as an internet troll. Well, I am on the internet and I do have a podcast that I like to think makes me feel important.

Oh, sounds like what you've just described as a party troll. A party troll? That's a troll that just hides underneath your sofa when you're having a big get together. And just as everyone's having a good time, maybe in the middle of a game of sharads, or perhaps everyone's about to toast someone's special birthday That that point the party troll will leap out of hiding until a very sad story. Oh, no Now I think trolls are a much maligned race. I think you were an absolute delight. Oh, thank you. It's wonderful everywhere

But the one type of troll that I absolutely despise are the naked rainbow trolls Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. It's wonderful everywhere. And, uh, but the one type of troll that I absolutely despise are the naked rainbow trolls. The naked rainbow trolls? Yes, the naked trolls with the hair that sticks straight up with all the different colors. They're, ah, they scream at you. Oh, that's one of the most respected positions in old trolldom. They're annoying. Isn't it weird to have pencils in there, but?

What are you talking about? What? What are you talking about? What on earth are you talking about? Don't they, I mean from my experience. Yes, what on earth are you talking about? There is something on earth where rainbow trolls have pencils in their butts. What sort of world do you come from? It makes sense where I come from. There is no higher honor than being a naked rainbow troll.

People will, you know, would give their left arm to be a troll and be a naked rainbow troll. Why is this position full, coveted? Because all you have to do is tease up your hair, dye it with some berry juice and run around screaming at people. It does sound fun. Do you know for a fact that they don't have pencils in their butt? Well, that's their business, isn't it?

Would you ask me if I had a pencil in my butt? I would! Clovis? Do you have a pencil in your back? That's a very personal thing to ask. Answer the question. Ooh, it's a riddle. personal thing to ask. Answer the question.

Ooh, it's a riddle. I have had a pincil in my butt. You may pass the bridge. Well Clovis, thank you so much for joining us. I've learned a lot about bridge trolls and trolls in general. Oh, thank you. It's wonderful to be here. If you ever need a little cheat sheet, let me know. I would love that. I mean, because if I need to empty all the treene, I'm gonna have to go over Ashutt Bridge and you know, I don't want to get my bones

ground up. Oh, very few people do. What is the stupidest answer you've ever received to a dreddle? Yellow. How wonderful. Pretty good. That person, unfortunately, I had to eat their flesh and grind their bones. Oh, anyway, hey, Chant, have you, have you got any emails recently? Pretty dumb that person unfortunately I had to eat their flesh and grind their bones Anyway, hey chant have you ever gotten any emails recently? I have I got a chant at gmail.com email at channel six teas This is from Christopher Odin Chris versus Chanty, please don't call me that he says Chanty Arnie said send in complaints

So I got one Arnie why hasn't he talked about Earth stuff yet? What a dick. I love the show Chris from Wyoming. What's Wyoming? It's a state. Yeah. Okay. I also got another email here from Chris Earl,

says Chants Up. Chant, I love the fact that your name is in the catchphrase and fune. Tell Arnie to get off his butt. These are a lot of negative rites. I know. Tell Arnie to get off his butt and either find a way to get his family or go with Hubestink on his quest to defeat the Dark Lord. Also, tell Arne to stop missing the alternate name during the Wizard's long name introduction. Lastly, Chant, I think if you could sleep with a dragon that would be a big help to the

quest. I hope you all think these things over and try harder to make things right. You have my things, Chris, the bold. Have you ever been on a date with a dragon? I have not. No, it's too intimidated. I can barely talk to that pop of roach. Would you ever consider being a dragon? If I was a large enough creature that might meet up with a dragon, maybe possibly.

That reminds me, you're a badger right now, and you're sort of wooing a cockroach. Sure. Is that a little awkward? I mean, are you gonna try to actively size yourself down to be more, you know, acceptable to a cockroach sized? That's my business. No, okay.

You're being a little person. You might as well ask me if I don't fit some of that. Do you have a pencil in your mouth? Yes, I do. Okay, good to know. All right, I got this email from Flynn to Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies, which is a real email address. Hey, Arnie, love the podcast. I'm writing in because I'm in a similar situation as you. I accidentally walked into a closet at a Chipotle and fell through a portal into some sort of cowboy world. At first, I was excited, being a fan of your podcast, I immediately tried to get some of the locals together for my own podcast so that I could share what they had to say to people

back on earth and then it up just being hours of tips on cattle rustling, which then turned into some very racially insensitive territory that I simply couldn't air. We call Cowboys Veal here. Like a boy Cow would be Veal. Oh, yeah. So now, without that, I don't know what to do with myself. Thanks for reading. Flynn, no question.

That was it. That was it. All right. But now we know there are at least three dimensions. Well, we know there are more dimensions because of Don the trans Don the trans dimensional postman. Who we haven't seen in a while Yeah, I don't know where is that is there any possibility that people who are sending a females could be lying? That seems unlikely. Okay

Just like the everything we say is the truth. Yeah, of course absolutely well Clovis. Thank you so much for being here Oh, it's been wonderful to be here. So what are you gonna do with the rest of your day off? Oh, I think I'm gonna wander around try to cross some bridges You know, see you know, then as well. Oh, absolutely. It's maybe a bit of a of a bridge troll holiday, but you know You want to play some cards before you go? Oh, absolutely. What game you up with? Oh, I don't know Maybe something with bidding sure cribbage it is Hmm that Flynn email was troubling did this Flynn person really find another dimensional portal into a cowboy world? Or was he just making it all up as part of a hilarious email? I can't take chances.

Trisha! Sir? Reverse track Flynn's email and kill him. We can't have people thinking alternate dimensions are real. Got it. That makes sense. Now that that's out of the way, you as Adore the Blue was played by Matt Young because honestly at this point who else is going to.

Shunt the talking badger was played by Adore Thigh the talking actor. Clovis the bridge troll was played by special guest Padrik Connolly. Pad is a member of world news tonight, along with Arnie, Matt and Adel, and apparently anyone with an hour free on weekend evenings. You can also see Pad perform at Comedy Sports Chicago, and with Baby Wants Candy. Glenn Miller, Spence and Spindella were played by Nick Gage, Meredith Steppian and Jamie Burns. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekampe,

Evan Jacover and Ryan DeGeorgie, edited by Ryan DeGeorgie, music by Andy Poland. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allert LeBam. Learn more about the show and how it's not real at hellofromthemagictavern.com or follow us on Twitter at Magic Tavern. Also, hello from the Magic Tavern has a Facebook page themagictavern.com or follow us on Twitter at MagicTavern. Also, hello from the Magic Tavern has a Facebook page with lots of evidence that the show is not really happening.

Rare curious t-shirts are like a form of currency with today's capricious millennials, and that's why we're selling them to you. Get your hello from the Magic Tavern t-shirt at nrbotties.com today. All of this overly referential improv comedy was sponsored by Emporium Arcadebar with help from the Chicago Podcast Co-op. Learn more about Emporium at EmporiumChicago.com and the Chicago Podcast Co-op at ChicagoPodcastCoop.com.