Hello From The Magic Tavern - 32 - Offices & Bosses

Episode Date: October 8, 2015

There's this guy who's always in The Vermilion Minotaur playing some kind of game with his friends. This week he'll come on the podcast and explain how it works.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMetamore:Bill ArnettSpants: Meridith StepienGlenn Miller: Nick GageSpindella: Jamie BurnsMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real, but it is really sponsored by Iron Galaxy. Scream like a school kid with capsule force, an intergalactic retro anime multiplayer game, now available on PS4 and Steam. I demand that you learn more at capsuleforce.com Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune, I'm your host Arne and E. Camp. If you haven't listened to the podcast before, this is what's going on. A little over a half a year ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king in Chicago into the fantastical world of fune.

It's a little like Narnia or Middle Earth. And luckily I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal, I think from the Burger King, and I use that to upload a podcast I record every week here in the Tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the world of fune. And I am joined as always by my Goon Companions. I am Yusador, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Magical Lights, Vowr of Chaos, Champion of the Great Ols of Tarakas. The Olsnomius Fiends are like the dwarves Nomiasunid and Huxnames, and I am known in the North East as guess the funniest me star and I should use all of my power and influence

Yeah, on this day to convince you on a knee camp to join me on this quest to defeat the not lord Come on and I'm chun chun choo choo Chun the talking badger How have you been? Good. I've just been cooking at home a little bit. I'm just preparing since it's now, we're into fall, we're in October.

Yeah. I'm just getting ready for a food or fight. I don't know what is food or fight. It's a thing in food where the kids come around and they knock on your door and they say, food or fight, and you either give them some food you've made or you fight them to the death. Oh, no.

And the last few years, I've killed a lot of kids. So I feel like I should. The worst is when you forget to make some food. And you're like, please don't knock and then they knock and you're like, I have to kill you. Oh, yeah. You try to put the torch out in front of your home and they come up anyway.

Yeah, extinguish the torch and they still knock because, you know, and they come in packs and you're fighting a whole whore of kids It's just a mess. Chant, what if instead of fighting these children this year you set out upon the road with me Yeah, if you turned yourself into a Manta call or a hippogriff or some sort of scale it beast. Ah, even a bear, a bear with a sword. And then join me upon my quest.

Wait, a bear with a sword. Yes, sir, you're suggesting that, so now Chandra's a shapeshifter, which he changes shapes by whatever animal he has sex with. He turns into that animal. That's correct. Are you suggesting he has sex with a bear with a sword? You know, I could also just sleep with a bear and then pick up a sword?

No, I know exactly, but there's just something about the way that he is. Am I crazy? Yes. Yes. You're right, fair enough. You and I'm not suggesting he sleep with a bear with a sword. I'm suggesting he sleep with a bear with opposable thumbs. Ah, fair enough. Get it together. Well, you know what? Let's, let's talk to our guests. I was looking around the Vermillion Minotaur, who's around, and you know what? Let's let's talk to our guests I was looking around the Vermilion Minotaur who's around and you know what this guy this guy is always over there in the corner I'm like whoa

So hey hey guy come on yeah me yeah come over here Here sit down here at that microphone. We're gonna talk to this good this this thing you can talk into that thing Okay, sure, okay, I see people do this before. I'm here a lot. Yeah, we do. I can be an answer here a lot and we see you guys. You seem so engrossed in your own thing that we did not want to bother you to know. May I purchase you a drink, friend? That would be certainly, that'd be great. A mead. Yeah, like an A mead. Is that possible?

Yeah, we can do that. Okay, uh chant I'll take a rainbow bowl And can we get some mozzarella ones for the table? Yes, Arnold. I'm gonna have some water. I'm trying to really Slim down pull back. I'm gonna have a maybe a sober October All right, so metamorph you know We always notice you over there and sometimes you have people with you and you're kind of you all seem to be scheming like you've got something over there. Yes, I'm just wondering like what are you guys planning? What are you doing? Well, we're actually playing a game. It's a fantasy role playing game, huh, called offices and bosses.

And the idea is that everyone takes on a role in this fantasy world, where you work in an office and try to avoid the boss. You know, the evil boss. There are flying machines and magical gizmos and all sorts of cities, of millions of people and buildings that are 10, 20, 100 stories tall. Could you even imagine? Could you imagine?

I, yeah, wow. So you play a character in imagine? Yeah, wow. So you play a character in this? Yes, I play a character. What's the name? An alcoholic meat. Thank you. I brain bobo.

When I'm not office managing, office managing is the name of the referee, the office manager. When I'm in office managing, I play a character named Frank Wilson. He is a 15th-level HR generalist split-class office machine customer service rep. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. Frank Wilson. I mean, I mean, it's a roll up some characters and it's I mean, it sounds a little less exciting for me less exciting No, I'm sorry. No, I mean, I'm sure it's great. I like I mean, I played a lot of role-playing games When I was in junior high in high school. I have it in a long time. That sounds fun as hell. It's playing. Okay, okay Okay, okay, okay, you have a job to do you have to arrive at your job and spend all day

Doing this one repetitive task over and over in order to get your paycheck. Now, sometimes there'll be these terrible adventures you have to go on. Perhaps the mysterious beast, the X-Rox, needs to be serviced so you must go and find the X-Rox. Now the X-Rox is a very dangerous machine, of course, because anything that touches it can duplicate. Not just what, but perhaps a hundred. Perhaps a hundred copies it can work. And it co-lates and staple, too. Oh, whoa.

Are you excited yet? I mean, I'm trying to deceive the players. I'm willing to play. How about I'm leaving myself open to play? No, I stepped away from him on it, but clearly we're talking about offices and bosses, right? Certainly. Yes, yes, yes. Are you a player? I am familiar Certainly! Yes, yes, yes! How are you, you're a player?

I am familiar with the game, yes, sir. Yes, I, I, I, I used to have a character back with the great halls of Tarakas. Okay, well I played with my wizard friends and we just needed a break from the drudgery of magic. And then we would play officers and bosses and of course I played... John Bastion. Ah, yes, I was a Mucketing manager, ah, that's great. Thank you probably hasn't great adventures I'm sure you got to use your intelligence in your kind of so if we're gonna play do we need to roll up characters? Yeah, we have dice me roll dice and there's certain attributes

Strength which is pretty much doesn't matter.. But you're lowest in the strength. Okay. Intelligence, which is important. Sure. If you have any kind of collegiate background, your intelligence can go a long way in there. You also have a Constitution score, which is how much BS you can take. How many, you know, I want my character to be named Dan Smith.

Dan Smith? That's great. That's a good answer to that. I'm Dan Smith. Well, then you'll pick the class of your character, and you could. I will be a temporary. Oh, temporary is a very interesting class, and that you can gain skills or other classes.

You can gain some accounting skills. You can gain some HR skills. You can also gain some clerk clerical skills as well. Can I shorten the title? Sure, please. I'll just go as temp. Do you guys will you guys still understand what I am? I think so. So I am I am Dan the temp Okay, and remember temp stands for temporary. Yeah, so there are clerics. You said you could get clerical skills So there are white knights that are of religious order Well, they're more they're religion is more filing things their religion is the effect. Imagine this their order is more of order

Ex-Prisisely, I'm sicely wait you said you used to play Why don't you use the character you used to play what was the name of the character you used to play? Well, I used to play I used to play what was the name of the care to use the play? Well, I used to play I used to play as is what's what's what's what's a role playing games on the air was in my world role playing games are like her more like what the day to day life is here in fune so it's exciting for us to be elves or dwarves or heroes or wizards. How many children died in those games? Well, very few. I mean it was more kind of the it was more aspirational

Look, I'll play in the spirit of the game. I'll be a Bad father. Is that a choice? No, I well you could you could again you could be a HR You could be an IT professional sure you could be a office machine Well, what is an office rushing? I think the best way to describe it is imagine a water wheel. We all know what a water wheel. Sure, water wheel. But this water wheel is miniature.

It is so small, you can barely see it. And this water wheel runs on lightning. Oh, now imagine if you had billions to call it, billions of lightning powered water wheels, all working together to do a certain job. Well, then, well, that's how these, that's how these, that's how these, I don't know, that's how these. Well, then, well, that's how these, that's how these, I don't know, these kids work.

That's how these kids work. Do you mind if I take a look through your machine manual here? Oh, please. Thank you. Ooh, what addition of the machine manual is it? It's addition four. Oh, wow.

I have the office managers guide as well as the employee handbook. Sure, sure. We can also go through. Can I be the boss? Yeah. What most bosses are evil, but if you perhaps want to be a Fallen boss in that's all in post then that's absolutely Yeah, or maybe the child you have boss blood inside of you and okay

Okay, they can be a story. Yeah, can I be the boss's son? Oh, I love it and you have to come to the office Yeah, I'll be a boss's son class and I guess my character's name will be Ryan DeGeorgie. That's great. I think it sounds. That's make like a more realistic name. I like this adding machine as the handle that you pull down. That looks fun. What does the handle do? I don't know. Well, why don't we take, why don't we do this? Why don't we take a quick break while refresh our drinks and roll up some characters? Yeah, we'll have the adventure. Yeah, we'll have our characters and we'll come back and we'll play a game of what is the call again? Offices and bosses.

Offices and bosses. And offices are a place where you work. Oh yeah. And the boss is the person who tells you. Sure. Off it. Very cool. Thank you.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Oh, if you want love, then you should tell him, don't keep nothing inside. You've got your guy the two of you should go But make sure that you hold him real fast

Cuz in this one place on a mountop of glow It is possible that this memory will be your last this memory will be your last Wake out point Can you make it out of life? Wake out point Will you live or will you die? If he makes it then you know that he is the one But if he doesn't make it then I guess the date is done

Wake out point. One, two, one. Make out point. One, two, one. Make out point. One, two, one. Two, up. Two, up, two, one, two, one. Do-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- class, and I have a very low intelligence role, and my name is Ryan DeGeorgie.

I am John Bastion, and I am a marketing manager. I... You said, or, are you doing a voice? What? Yes, of course I'm doing a voice. That's...you're really getting into it. Well, that's how you play the game. Oh, good, good, good.

Yeah, now... You know, there are actually some people who like to do live action offices the game. Oh, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, So I'm sorry that I broke you out of your role playing. And who are you again? I'm John Bastion and I'm a marketing manager. I went ahead and put a sixth in strength because I think I'm hoping that that will attract another lady in the office and maybe I'll have some sort of in her office affair. Oh, wonderful. Very good.

I'm gonna be the office manager for this game, the referee, if you will, managing things and taking you through this. Fantastic foliage. All right, and Chad, who are you? I'm Dan Smith, I'm a temporary. I don't know what I wanna do in life yet, so I've taken a position here.

I put a lot of my strength into small talk and my one item that we're allowed to have is a bowl of candy on my desk. So stop on by, I have some small talk. Wow. Let's begin, let's begin. The three of you find yourselves in the break room. This is a room of tables and chairs. There is a water cooler in the corner.

Imagine a bucket made of glass is a water hotter cold. Wonderful question, you're Gonna roll your die there. It is hot. It is hot. Wow. It's warm. When you're approached by a... Oh, a talkative co-worker. Yeah.

Okay, I'm going to... I'm gonna throw my badge at the co-worker. Okay, go and roll your guy there head. Oh, okay, all right. They catch it and say, oh, you dropped this. And they begin talking quite a bit. And you, let me see, oh, they're, oh, very annoying.

Very annoying conversation asking you to go to lunch with them, asking you what you're doing, and you're gonna take four hit points at damage. Oh, let me see if I can. Can I look around the room? Sure, we're in the middle of a melee here. I'm just wondering is there less? Is there like a rest room or like a water closet?

There is a door you can leave that goes to the hallway. It is the door you entered, but it is the only entrance or exit in the room. So I can't. Currently the talkative coworker is standing in that door. All my strengths is in small talk. I should I jump on this one? Yeah, I'm going to talk to this co-worker about the weather but in very general

It's a very general minute here we go. Wisdom saving throw there very good. Ah excellent role there They do are engaged in your conversation, but find it so general and not specific that their head flies off and the blood flies off. Ooh, boom, boom, boom. You have defeated the talking co-worker. Well, their head flies off. Mmm, well done. Dan Smith, please. Oh.

Well done, Dan Smith. You roll a natural 20, and that's what happens. You know, you are amazing things happening. Dan Smith's up with that. So should we leave the room? Yes, there's a room. I don't know. You are amazing things, handsome. Dan's up with that. So should we leave the room? Yes, there's a lot of room. I'm just going to say this on a point of advice here.

I shouldn't be doing this as the office manager, but you may want to search the body. Oh, let's get the treasure. Thank you for helping us out with our first. Is there any chance we can get in trouble for killing this person? Yeah, trouble. Like, aren't you the boss? I'm the boss's son. Are we in trouble? No, I should up there

We're great. I would like to search the body great. You search the body. You find let me see a pencil of writing Oh A tablet of writing upon. It's a paper tablet and she had tablet and various coins Are they Canadian ah tablet and she got tablet and various coins. Various coins. Are they Canadian? Ah, excellent. Yes, one is a cursed Canadian. Oh, are we can we only carry so many things?

Or yes. Yes, I do have a backpack or a... You have pockets. I have a fan-i-pack. Ah, you do. Well, very good. Yes, you can carry all these things in the fanny pack. I have a messenger bag and a fedora.

Well, let me see. Ah, there is another encounter is about to happen. Oh, as you leave. Do you leave the break room? No, I don't. There is strange noise coming from down the hall. Oh. Do you approach the strange noise?

Yeah, let's do it. What is your, who's first in line? What's the marching order? Why don't we have John go, actually actually would you pass me the mozzarella once? Why don't we have John go first since you know you store has yeah, he has a lot of experience Yeah, I mean technically I probably know a lot about great. So John's going first As you approach the room you hear someone crying Stay away. No, I I shall continue to approach. Could you speak in John's voice? I shall continue to approach

Excellent you continue to approach and you round the wall of a cubicle and you see two no three crying employees We should avoid this. They see you immediately. They try to, and you need to make a constitution saving throw to try to avoid being pulled into a conversation with the crying employees. It's a three. Oh, that's not good. You've been pulled into this conversation. Apparently, they're crying about someone was... No, I have a special ability, this charisma ability, some marketing manager, to charm those around me.

Can I use that ability now? Yes, you may use it once and only once per day. You're like, you're using it. Wonderful, what? I know what the rest of you're doing. Oh, no, I have a scroll on my scroll. I was just reading here and it says that as part of my class as a boss' son, I have an ability to,

I don't need people to like me. That could be quite powerful, but I shouldn't. Yeah, so I mean, I could probably just brush them off for us. But there might be something that we learn. Let me try something. Okay, they are continuing to cry, and you were taking three more hit points from there. Incredibly.

Let Dan Smith try something. I'm going to find the most attractive of the three employees, and I want to hit on them. Let's see what that does. Oh, another natural 20. Oh, that's an amazing role. Let's see, the most attractive of them sees you and decides that maybe life isn't so bad another two or like oh, wow This is they stop crying immediately and release release John from there from their grasp wait hold on

I'm sorry not to quiver with the game But we came across three people crying in the office and the solution was to hit on them and it worked and it made everybody feel better. I have been around people. I would also like to try my ability to tell the joke. Very well. If you'd like to tell a dude to enroll the guy there. I have a 17. Well very good. The joke lands very well. Let me just say this. The two of you may have a date tonight. Why are these people crying? What do we know why they're crying? They're just there's that that's their thing They're crying employees, you know, I just it just seems like I'm glad that our strategy worked But it just seems all you're doing is doubting us. Okay. I'm sorry. I've get into the game

I'm letting the reality and slip into this fantastical world. I would like to search Let me just a random encounter has happened. You're a noise coming down the hallway. It is loud, it is raucous, and you look up and you see a boss. A boss is approaching. This is not the up top highest boss. This is a middle manager boss.

He has a secret power of micromanaging. Oh boy. He will do already wasted telemetry. Here, I'm gonna act like I'm working. Oh no, he sees right through that attempt, fake attempt at working. You are gonna get yelled at. Oh wait, how about can I do,

I have talk about the one thing we always talk about. Like one piece of information about their personal life. Let me see, let's give the monsters, the boss is saving, Mrs is saving throw to resist your conversation about the one thing you always talk about. It immediately forgets yelling at Tim Smith and is now engaged in this conversation

that is just a reiteration of all the conversations you've ever had Well done. I don't know what the rest of you now. This is a golden opportunity while the boss is distracted I'm going to call my mom and tell her I'm sorry. I forgot her birthday, which was last week Right here what time for that? This is right here. Also, that's a personal call again Well, this boss is distracted if anyone had a dagger or a oh Personal call again while this boss is distracted if anyone had a dagger or a oh Crossbow I have a dagger and lunch plans which of those would you suggest? I have a laser gun to even know what a laser gun is it doesn't matter to use it I use a collection of small windmills that run on lightning yes, yeah that make a beam

All right, I will I will use the laser gun. Roll that die there. Well done. You did. It's worth a damage. Yes, you have killed the boss. His body falls across the table. Blood spews across the laughing employees.

Well done. No consequences for this. Well, it was surviving the workday. Surviving the workday? You got to earn your paycheck at the end of the day I I would like to we can we examine the boss's body certainly I'm gonna eat his flesh to try and gain his power Well done great able to eat his flesh gain some of that power. There's a new bus in town, baby

Dan Smith please You do find a mysterious object on the boss's body. It has a And Smith, please, you do find a mysterious object on the boss's body. It has a magical duomer about it. And Aura, if you will, it is a rectangle, about two inches thick with a door that opens up. It's almost as if you could fit on your lap. You could fit perfectly on your lap.

Oh, no, it looks like the thing. Yeah, it's like a lap top that we record this podcast into. Oh, yeah, like this? Yeah, it is on your laptop. It looks like the thing. Yeah, it's like a laptop that we record this Podcast into oh yeah, yeah, it is it is this is really that thing This is this this is this exciting metal having you've been larping this entire time I am not this is real. This isn't just a carnival Wilson prank This you know what larping means it means let's all really pretend That's pretty cool. Yeah, that's what I would have guessed Is it cursed? I mean it's not doing so. I have a also one on the game cursed We tell it is very cursed. Oh, it is a lithium ion battery of exploding

Something to cool it now and or the battery will overcharge and I cast my free spell. Perfect. Let's just roll it. Excellent. Well done. Wait, what is your my free spell? John Bastion has a free spell. Oh, gotcha. As marketing managers get up in class, they're able to get a few spells. I'm going to, I think my, my turn, I'm going to go ahead and see how long I can pretend to be in the bathroom Before anyone notices. I see. Okay, so I'm gonna I'm gonna aim for like being in the bathroom for 30 minutes before anybody says anything Yes, well done. What do you know what a bathroom is?

Yes, and I only recently found out. Yeah God, I your turn your turn. You could tell. Yeah. Oh, God. I'm going to take you guys to Earth sometimes. Ryan, your turn. Oh, um, I am. You see, you take us to Earth sometimes? I mean, when I figure out how to get back to Earth, I think it means Earth like offices and bosses,

is that what you're saying? Yeah, where I come from is, I mean, except for a few differences, it's very similar to this game. I would think you'd be better at this game if that's your real world. You would think that I would be better at this game. So on Earth, if you make small talk about the weather

with an employee, their head pops up? Well, no, I mean, that part isn't necessarily. Well, how would you defeat a talkative coworker? You can't. You just have to, you know, you just have to keep taking damage points until you can get away. There's no real like, there are no victories, is what I'm saying. It's always just challenge after challenge and with no real like heroic moment.

There's no moment that makes you feel excited to keep going. Then wouldn't you like to join me upon my quest? And finally feel the great heroism that has eluded you your entire life. Yay, no longer shall you face not, but pointless and endless conversation. You shall rise in glorious battle and become the great hero. Dan Smith, you have grasped the dagger and he attempts to stab Ryan to Georgie in the face You do I'm sorry. I just this happens sometimes that your character has died. Oh By the office they have been fired

my dad clean out your desk and Talk to HR. Oh can we get to loot his desk? Yes, you get to loot his desk Talk to HR. Oh, can we get to loot his desk? Yes, you get to loot his desk. You're an excellent player I'm sorry. I couldn't help it match you again. I've been here a lot being my friends been sitting in the corner Watching you guys do you hear about your quest a lot. Yes. Yes. I've always you know, I'm not the people have called me scrollish And you know, right not very not a real physical presence, but you know if you need a I a caddy or anything. I you know, I know oh, man. I'm more once the joint Metamorphosis I would gladly accept you upon my quest you can be yes Can you see yourself a priceless to use at all? Wow, standing out wow, that's great. Yes, wonderful a dream come true. I have you know

Oh wow, that's great. Yes. Wonderful. A dream come true. I, you know, I usually, I do some, I do some abacus programming, you know, stomach ins meet. Yes. Yes.

I don't like it very much, but I'm good at it. Yeah. And be surprised how often we need that sort of thing on a quest though. But sincerely. Yeah, yes. All sorts of problems to solve and puzzles. So, many more.

Maybe it's time for you to stop living in this I Guess fantastical world of offices and bosses and offices and bosses. Oh, I'm talking mr. John Bastion offices and bosses and and become you know have an adventure in the real world. I don't know, I don't know. I mean, I would like to. Sounds fun, you know, but we need a hard commitment. Look, I'm gonna use the language. I sweat a lot. I'm gonna use the language of offices and bosses. Okay, I need, I need to,

let's take this conversation offline. Okay, and I need a hard commitment from you. Okay, we're gonna write up a contract. Okay, and you know, we're gonna write up a contract. Okay. And, you know, we're gonna try you out. And, you know, this could really be a real work opportunity for you. Wow, well, that's, I don't wanna let you down.

I think that, you know, we all have to, we don't know when opportunities arise. We need to be prepared when they do arise. And, I want, so I picture of an eagle and below it it said courage. Sure and you know was it a great eagle or regular eagle it was as I've been one of those it was a regular eagle okay okay but it was flying over a volcano. Courage and it said if you're not brave enough to fly over the volcano who is yeah you know. Well, if you would have me, you said, or I would, um, Metamorph, I insist. Now we have you, Pimbley, Nimblebottom, and of course,

Tom Blaine, Bellaroth Who's- Maybe someone else. You. Me! Use it all the blue! Well, Metamorph, thank you so much for showing us how to play offices and bosses. Well, it's been great. Having you guys, and I'll probably see more. Are you? Yes, and I shall see you in the familiar minute orn as soon as we have gathered enough strong men, new women and creatures.

We shall set out upon our quest. Uh, I love it. I can't wait. strong men, new women and creatures. We shall set out upon our quest. I love it. I can't wait. And again, most people ask me to not bother them. Here at the For Million of Minotaur, where you should play our games and people. Oh, you'll free to bother our city, huh?

Very tight. Maybe I'll just kind of, oh, maybe I'll just kind of hover. That sounds good. I'll just hover awkwardly. And then, I'll just kind of ask you a question room. Yeah, until we go in a quest would be possible for me to join your game.

Yeah, yeah, anytime, man. I mean, it does seem like I'm sorry to join the Swiss berserker here. I was trying to prevent it. I know, but it seems like they always play the game at the same time that we do this podcast. Yeah, well, we actually have this big adventure to get the Q4 numbers in. Oh, before, uh, can we, at the end of the fiscal year and, um, we could really use your, uh, marketing manager. I'd love to know, too. Is it possible? Would you maybe, can we borrow your, your equipment and we could do like a boss's and offices podcast? No, I think

we could probably do that. I mean, you guys are here at the same time, because you're just, you're so funny Podcast is important. What do you say? How well the people of earth need to know that there are multiple dimensions and this is so boring This is tedious offices and bosses is exciting this the first time I think I think you're getting addicted. I felt like I was doing something. I felt like I was transported. John, don't forget who you are. You're not damn just a shabeshifter. That's a pretty cool slightly gross bin. Smith please. It's really fun to talk like this. Yeah, this is great. It sounds super weird. Maybe I'll get myself like a crack in my voice. I'm Dan Smith and I'm a temporary. Oh, I love it. This is fun.

my voice, I'm Dan Smith and I'm a temporary. Oh, I love it. This is fun. Oh, you know what, I'm going to read an email. You guys can do whatever you want. As always, you can send emails to us at Magic Tavern at Puppy's.supplies. It's a real email address. I know it doesn't sound like it.

Let's see here. When I got, hello to Arnie, Yusidor and Chunt. I have a question for Arnie. Hello. You have said before many times, you have a wife and newborn child. I was curious, were you working a job? Oh, this is very relevant.

Were you working a job before you fell through the portal to Foon? Now that you're gone, how do you think your, oh no, how do you think your wife will make ends meet? Yeah, I did have a job. I worked for a video game company called Jackbox Games. You have a job. Yeah, I had a job. I worked for a video game company called Jackbox Games. You have a job. Yeah, I had a job. I have an office in a boss.

I had an office in a boss. It was very similar to this, except there was less dying. And if you flirted with someone that was crying, it was generally not a good thing. That doesn't sound right. And my wife, let's see, I am actually worried about my wife making ends meet. Or were you more of a stay at home dad? No, I was not if that's the case who do you think will be taking care of your child while your wife works? Does she her new husband?

Does she make enough to hire full-time help? No actually, I mean we you know like many people with a new child We are kind of just you know struggling to get by paycheck paycheck and I Do worry how she's doing. You know, you can qualify for extended time off, and there is a workers' comp and whatnot, perhaps. I don't know if you knew. What kind of life insurance stuff do they have in office and buy? Oh, it's fully, it's fully, there's a whole supplementary book just about life insurance, double indemnity, all sorts of things.

What happens if you just disappeared? Do you get your life insurance? If there's no body? Well, you know, there's a court of inquiry. You know, you've got a role for that. I have an email here. This is from Paula Dikonini. This is says hello from California.

Hello, Chant. I'm so excited to hear about you and use the door's new restaurant enterprise. I am a bit of a FUNI. FUNI, a FUNdy, a fuddy. I thought maybe she meant to say funny. Yeah, people there into food. Oh, gotcha, because we have funys and that's people who just love fun. She says until I can get to fun to go to your restaurant, have you guys thought of publishing a cookbook? Oh, maybe if I know you should or loves to talk to a chef cadence, I know that if you would get to some recipes that you should always work on, I often post them at yousado the blue on Twitter,

at least once a week. I put one of my delicious recipes. Yum. And you can also email me at Dan Smith at gmail.com that Stan Smith with 12 H's that I don't think that email addresses get that long. Oh, well, I have it. So I don't know what the problem is. Alright, that's Dan Smith with 12 H's gmail.com. Alright, so thanks and thank you so much for being here. Thank you for all our listeners. If you listen to us via iTunes, please write us a nice review and give us some stars. It's a great way for more people to hear about the podcast. And then I guess to eventually hear about whatever podcast you guys are working on about offices and bosses.

I'm going to roll to see if John Bastion will tell his joke that he told to the boss. Oh, I want to hear the boo! I got a 20. Oh boy, we'll have to laugh. So, these two firemen are having sex in a room full of smoke. Having sex in a room full of smoke I can't wait to hear the rest of the joke and the fire chief comes in and goes I Hey, hey, what do you what do you guys doing here? There's a fire. What are you doing? You go sir this this man was dying to smoke inhalation though one of the gentlemen and He goes why don't you give him out the mouth and he he goes, I did, how do you think of this? Scott started. Oh.

Classic, office joke. I love John Beston. It sounds weird. Well, I did not understand any of that, and believe me, I have a lot of patience for sloppy narrative. What even is reality anymore? Certainly not this, this is all made up, and I'm not just saying that to distract from my own morally ambiguous agenda for the entirety of the multiverse.

What am I talking about? Don't worry about it. Usador the Blue was played by Matt Young with breath control for days. Shunt the Talking Badger was played by Adel Rathai with all the nuance and complexity of a grown man sitting in a chair. Methamore was played by special guest Bill Arnet. Bill runs the Chicago Improv Studio, the city's finest artisanal stage-focused

improv training center with performances every Thursday evening at the Bug House Theatre. Don't believe me? Your doubt tires me, but you can check out more at ChicagoImprovStudio.com. Glenn Miller, Spence, and Spindella were played by Nick Gage, Meredith Steppian and Jamie Burns.

Hello, from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacover and Ryan DeGeorgie, edited by Ryan DeGeorgie, music by Andy Poland. Hello, from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Learn more about the show and see for yourself how it's not real because it's fake. Go by Allard LeBan. Have I ever mentioned that you can buy assorted magic tavern shirts at magictavern.nrbts.com? I have. Well remember back to that time, it probably sounds a lot like now. All of this complicated self-referential circle nerdery was brought to you by Iron Galaxy,

with help from the Chicago Podcast Co-op. Learn more about Iron Galaxy's capsule force at capsuleforce.com and the Chicago Podcast Co-op. Learn more about Iron Galaxy's capsule force at capsuleforce.com and the Chicago Podcast Co-op at Chicago Podcast Co-op.com.