Hello From The Magic Tavern - 38 - Letters

Episode Date: November 19, 2015

We've been getting so many emails lately, I decided to do an all letters episode. Letters night!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungTannakin: Sarah FineoutSpants: Meridith Stepien Glenn Miller: Nick GageMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanEpisode art provided by...we don't know, we don't remember, sorry... Did you draw this? Let us know!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, it's me, Craig again. The mysterious man who usually does this, I think I caught his name. Anyway, he's still slowly dying, I guess, from all the lasers that Trisha shot into him a while back. But I'm here to tell you that the following podcast is not real. But it is really sponsored by Basecamp. When you use Basecamp to run projects, people know what to do, people know where things are, and you stay on top of everything all the time. Oh, and it's also sponsored by the game Utter Nonsense.

Ever wonder what it's like to see your friends orgasm or take a poop? Reveal these mysteries and more with the Chicago-born party game utter nonsense. Currently available at Target stores nationwide. Guys, do the thing where we talk over the music. I had sex with the spider. We must defeat the dog log. I love to dance! Hello from the Magic Tavern! Yeah. Thank you, Tanikin!

Bye-bye! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Neacamp. If you haven't listened to the podcast before, this is what's going on. A little over half a year ago, I fell through. At this point has anybody not listened to the podcast? Who's listening to this episode? Well, you know, we would hope that this could be a jumping on episode. Like an episode where people who hadn't listened before start listening. So I want to explain the premise

of the podcast every time. I know it. Yeah. Probably annoying to you guys who've heard it, you know, week after week after week. Why are you staring at Yusudor while you say that? Well, I don't know. Yusudor is easily annoyed. Although I should be staring at you, John, because you're the most easily annoying. I love you. I love you. I love you. All right. I'm okay saying that. All right, I love you too. Great. Go ahead. I'm sorry. Anyway, a while back, I fell through a dimension. How long was it like a little, a little over a half a year ago? Yeah. I fell through a Dimension World. How long ago? Was it like a little, a little, a little, a little, a half a year ago? Yeah. I fell through a Dimensional Portal behind a burger.

Sometimes you say Rift. What's the difference between a Portal and a Rift? I don't know. I don't really know. I think I just like to mix it up, but I don't really know. Okay. Love you. Love you.

Love you too. Love you. I love you too, too. I fell the blah, blah, blah, blah. And now I'm, I'm, I can upload a podcast every week from my computer from this tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon.

And I'm joined every week by my co-hosts. I think you should take longer to introduce yourself on the show. You know it's not my fault. Should you? No, I am, I am absolutely serious when I say that, because I think you should embellish it. Ah.

Stretch it out. Alright. Do everything you want to say, so that people when they hear you- Okay. No, then you are- You are- Wizard of the Tofu-

Realm of Efficiency, Master of Light and Shadow, Minibiliator of Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos, Champion of the Great Hulator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great holes of Trockus. The elves know he is being y'all like, I'm not gonna do this a piece and not here. What do you wanna talk about, Sean? I feel like in my, I'm gonna forgo introducing myself.

Yeah, yeah. And I feel like, I feel weird, cause Arnie never does this, and I feel like I, like every week, I'm like, why doesn't Arnie do this? So I guess I'm gonna use my introduction introduction I'm gonna use this time to say Sarah if you can hear this um come try and get Arnie. I've never talked about it. Please try to get his family. I mean it's very strange. You think he'd be trying to get hold of it again. You think he'd

start every episode with oh my god please Sarah if you can hear this go to the portal portal, you know try and get through or whatever that is like he says this is big news If this is big news everyone's heard of this and if he's comfortable here. Why doesn't he get a job? Yeah, exactly Don't you worry about it. I'm a little worried about him. Yeah, and then maybe other secret aims you do not know yet All right, anyway. So, you know what, we don't have a guest this week, but I'm excited. I think this is a good time for- Boys, night.

Not, well, look, I'm trying to slow down my drinking a little bit. As you've mentioned numerous times, I've got on some weight, so I'm trying to slow that down a little bit. But I thought we would go through some of the copious emails and letters that we get. Like, kind of, let's down a little bit. But I thought we would go through some of the copious emails and letters that we get. Like, kinda, let's have a letters party.

I learned a spell that turns my saliva into alcohol. Letters night, letters night. Letters night. All right. So, why don't I go ahead and start? Let's just jump in some of these letters, huh? As always, you can send emails to us at Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies.

It's the only email address that I could somehow get because of the Firewall of the Burger King. Let's see, here's one from Heather. He says, hey Arnie, you mentioned in the latest episode that you sometimes get letters from people who are romantically or physically interested in chunt or Yusador. It's true, we get a lot of letters along those lines. I actually have a bad habit of tweeting at chunt too much, and one of my friends asked me if I was in love with him. If I was honest, I couldn't say no. Would you be, oh yeah, baby. Would you be willing to talk to him for me?

I know he was seeing a cockroach a while back, and I am not one to intrude in other people's relationships, but I feel I might kick myself if I don't at least put this out there. I also think that most people would say, I am more attractive than a cockroach, but it's not a question I have put to too many people. Anyway, thanks.

And if you ask me, I miss when you used to say, who bestank during used to doors introductions, Heather. I am still dating a cockroach, so at this point I am. I'm trying to know how it's going. It's going good. We're taking it slow, obviously. still dating a cockroach, so at this point in time. How's it going? It's going good. We're taking it slow, obviously. So yeah, I am in a happy relationship right now.

So thank you, and maybe at some point if I ever happened to slip in the earth, and I'm not seeing anyone that maybe we could see where it goes. Did the letter mention, whether that's the writer was a human or an elf or dwarf or... I mean, I assume it's a human or a raccoon. Oh, she's a human? Yeah. Oh, it's a human.

Yes. Well, not a human, so I mean, you just be friends. Okay. Fair enough. All right, why don't I read one more email here? Uh, Arnie, Sean keeps begging to borrow your phone, so I imagine that you have a device with which to take some pictures of the Vermilion Minotaur, can you let us in on your surroundings?

Otherwise, as an OU alum and Athens native, I'm going to be forced to imagine this shit hole. Every time I listen to the podcast, oh, and he's attached a picture of the Smiling Skull saloon in Athens. Smiling Sly, or when the smiling skull saloon in Athens, or in Ohio, or in a pizza skull. I'll talk to you. Yeah, no, it's just a bar that I went to

when I was in college in Athens, Ohio, at Ohio University. We talked about that before, I think. Yeah, it's a little bit, some people think it's intimidating. I guess it has a little bit of a biker bar vibe, but it's just like a cool, it's a kind of place where when you're in college,

you're like, oh no, it's scary. And then you get older and you're like, this is just a bought this is just not a college bar. That's the only a biker bar a biker Oh boy. Yeah, okay. I don't want to know what a biker is. What what is a biker? It's one of those two headed dogs. Oh a biker Yeah a biker Oh Boy as for pictures, you know, it takes really long time to upload pictures on my computer. And also my camera on my phone isn't very good. But I'll try.

I'll try to get some pictures to people. Sean, did you have any emails lately? I do. Let me cut me off guard here. Sean, to my ask you a question while you're looking up to me, though, uh, have you ever been a human? Have you ever slept with a human? Uh, no, I have not, I've not been a human before. Are you interested in humans already or find them attractive at all? Um, I mean, this sort of humans I've met, I've been, they're fine. I just, for some reason, I, I tend to like the exotic.

I tend to like, you know, like Arnold here. No, not like Arnold at all. Let's get some, Sean emails here. You can email me, of course, at chunt.ajima.com. That's channel six T's. This is from Connor Connor writes, Ha ha, remember when Arnold fucked a memory goblin, Connor from Liverpool, England. So that's just a quick, I do remember. Thank you. Yes, I remember also. This email here is from Anna,

Anna Sessler, Anna writes, Ernie Chunt and Yusidor, my human companion and I love your podcast and we have begun researching how we may take a vacation to Foon. We don't often eat at Burger King, but we have been trying to find similar portals at Superbox and Kumas. It would mean so much to me if you could wish my boyfriend's Aka happy birthday on the show this week. His birthday is October 29th. Oh, miss that one. Also, even though Arnie threw flour off a cliff when she was on the show, do you think

it, let's see here, do you think there's any chance she survived the fall and when she consider coming back as a guest? She did and she has Time to catch up on the podcast She's our favorite besides chante of course. Thanks guys You guys are great rainbow bowls for everyone on a PS if you decide to read this on the show It's pronounced on na and not on I don't understand what she said. Yeah, she mentioned her human companion. So what is she?

She doesn't say I'm she's probably you I'm gonna have to say that you should just assume that the vast majority of these Messages are sent from humans I refuse What else we got here? This is an email it says hello from Bainbridge Island This person emailed chunt, but the start of the email says hey Arnold Which I it's Arnie you know, I'll most of the email sent to me start with high use of door high chunt Oh, well this one starts with here. Oh, we know clear enough about what email goes to what people Perhaps we will need to know how to contact me again take your greatest leather chair Set it in

front of a large window where you can see the sun rise and the sunset. Watch from dawn until dusk. Breathe only one large breath in and one large breath out. After you pass out after watching the sun go down, dream a dream of you should all unusual speak to me. You said I got to say I know I give you a lot of shit but you're the ways of contacting you. It's my favorite thing about you. Oh, well, thank you very much. My least favorite thing about you is your cooking voice. But anyway, but this is from Lake Star and Lake Star says, Hey Arnold, just wanted to say I've always enjoyed your podcast from episode one. It's Arnie. And I had a question for the

wizard. So it's an email to Chant that says that starts with Hey Arnold that is a question for Ysuzar a question for the wizard whose name I won't say because it takes too long here it is. Does he mean Ysuzar? No, not Bob! Wizard of the 12th realm of the Vesias. She says what is the light and shadow manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great holes of Tarrakis. The elves know me as fying y'all like the doors know me as zone and in who extinguis and I am known in the northeast as gas and waneest me star and they're maybe well on its

away. Yeah, I think we should find him a job. I don't think he'll work now that he's I mean his whole energy was wasted and drinking and now he's not even drinking. I don't know what he does all day. I don't know either. And maybe all the secret names you do not know yet. So for the wizard what is the most dangerous thing that Arnold has ever done? I'm asking you because I don't trust Arnold to say a truthful answer.

Thanks again, love your podcast. Always makes me feel better after I listen to it. It's sincerely Lake Star and then she says that's my real name. Lake Star. What's the most dangerous thing I've ever done? That Arnold is ever done. Oh, that Arnold has ever done. I, uh, let's see. What's the most dangerous thing I'll ever done?

We just, we just sort of talk about this. Ah, yes, I know. I, one time, uh, he, uh, he went into the back room with really in Minotaur because his lamb shank was undercooked. Enough. Letters night. Letters night. I have an email here. It says, hey Arnie, Chant, in used the door. We did it like you were reading a ghost story. Oh, there am I. Chant's up. Spance has never sung my favorite verse of Seven Dragons and a baby on your podcast. Could you ask her to include this verse the next time she plays the Vermilion Minotaur? Uh, and there's another verse here that I actually haven't watched your mouth.

You can talk about spants. Oh, okay. Interesting. Yeah, that's, you know, you know, you know, you want to send humans, but you would. Interesting spants. I do like spants. Interesting. What happened? Why didn't that like for a while? I don't know. She was circling each other and then she just lost interest. I don't know. I always keep my heart open She's around I think. Sorry, what were you saying? Okay. Anyway, this is a verse of the song that I've never heard before

I'll try my best to sing it as Written by Hank in this email Seven dragons and a baby going out to dine six Six dragons ordered rain boobles the others ordered wine The baby ordered mothers milk and then demanded waffles the baby said we're tired of those tonight. Let's get falafel Thanks Hank That's a verse have you guys ever heard that that must be a regional verse? I'm not familiar with it Yeah, there's a lot of different versions of the song. There are many different versions of the song. Interesting. Hank, also the name Hank, always the first thing.

First thing, yes. Yeah. Here, let's see. You should have asked this to guess the name. OK. What do you think the name was? Hank. Yes, exactly.

Here's another one. Hi, Arnie, longtime fan of the show. First time emailer, I can't believe I got through. I'll cut right to the chase. Letters night. Letters night. Letters night. To put it bluntly. I am concerned that you might be dead With all these strange creatures and this phantom. Oh, thanks, John with all these love you

Love you with all these strange creatures and this fantastical world Why do you immediately assume that Foon is another dimension rather than the afterlife? and this fantastical world, why do you immediately assume that Foon is another dimension rather than the afterlife? Maybe you died in that Burger King parking lot in Foon is heaven. And if you are dead, what does that mean about this email? Are you really still communicating with Earth even though you are dead, like a ghost? Or am I, and everything you think you know now, a figment of your dead imagination? It's tough to know what's real, right? The other thing I think we both know for

certain that this theory is true, Don is probably God. Shew on that, right? Wow. That was a really, really brought it down the room. Oh, a deep email. I just want to go home and like think. Yeah, I think I'm alive, right? Here, there's one to know for certain smack him. Oh god. Oh you pinched him. Let me smack him. No Love you love you feel that I did All right, let's just move on here's one Another this about you said or last night. Oh boy. It's a spicy last night during sex with my girlfriend boy as a spicy. Last night during sex with my girlfriend, my girlfriend screamed out Yusidor's name in its entirety. At first I was furious, but then decided to just make the best of it. My latex bondage wizard outfit has been ordered. That seems to strain

credulity a little bit. Yusidor I greatly look forward to the day that Foon gets a new blue wizard. Fuck you and long-lived Dave Smith. Matt, the terrier. Wow. What? I, what's cut to the bone? What is latex? Ah, boy.

I, I, I think he's, I think he's joking about it, but. I know what bondage is. Here's the, here's the thing. I really, truly do hope. Any listeners out there? Please. At some point, when you're having sex, I really truly do hope. Any listeners out there, please. At some point, when you're having sex, really people. Someone start yelling out Yusidor's name.

The full name or just Yusidor? The full name, if you can. Or maybe start it by the time you get to the last part. I know. You're ready to go. Anyhow much of a you can get through. If you're including me in the listeners, it's already happened. Oh no. Wait, you yell at your own name during sex?

Yes, that way the person knows who I am. Okay. Can we also urge people when they're about to climax during sex to just say, Oh yeah, baby. Yes. Let's do both. And then here's the thing. If you listeners know anything anything this podcast is about honesty

It's about truth So please do not lie about this if there's ever anything that you're ever honest about for the love of God make it this Only send us an email if you've really done one of these things Get your so serious've never seen so serious. Can I go into another email here? Yeah, I have a caveat. I'd like to. Is this one from Billy Yum Yum 2x2?

I wish. This is a legal email. And I prefer you should order a read it since you started to have an email address. So would you mind reading this? Certainly, certainly. And when you get to an entailment, there's a second. But it just seems like it's very important.

So I wanted to hear it from you, Sridor's voice. Legal advice concerning buttholes. Good day, Miss Sachant. Oh, I'm a litigator with wish-re-men and imps, Goldstein law offices here in Foume, where we specialize in divine covenants, contracts, prayers, and verbal wish structures and semantics. I have to say that you have a pretty solid case to get out of your wishes and legalities, since you did not say I wish to forever have two buttholes, no more, no less.

The argument should always be made that if you had three or more buttholes, no more, no less. The argument should always be made that if you had three or more buttholes, this means you must also have two, a simple case of semantic entitlements. So if I were you, I would keep trying to find a creature with three buttholes, and give them a few love shoves. If all else fails, you could piss off a flower, and she would tear you a new one. Not as fun, but similarly effective. As for your roach-ren, you should leave her. Roaches are not good people. Roaches aren't people at all. Yeah, that's true. They're not good people. That's very great roaches. Yeah, legal leads, he should already know that. I went to see a cheap imitation theater group, the cockroach ticklers at the Iofoon theater,

in this town of Xi These could be useful to use it all in his quest, so let him know. I must have these wishing stars. Wow. I can't stress enough that that was a real email. Not anything. That's true. It's very long. That's how you know it's real. Yeah.

Here, I have another question here. Another email. Hi Arnie, so I am highly doubting that this will end up working out. But I had a funny idea for an episode. Huh. I thought it would be hilarious if you I had a funny idea for an episode. Huh. I thought it would be hilarious if you guys had a dinosaur on the podcast and interviewed him. The possible backstory for why there are dinosaurs in Fune could be that they all went through the Burger King portal, or similar portals around the world, way back around the time of extinction.

Also a fun name for the dinosaur. Also a fun name for the dinosaur that you could interview would be Terranosaurus Rob. I am sure you guys get tons of emails like this, but I figured I would try. Thanks John Walker Davis. What's a, what's a dinosaur? I do get tons of emails asking if we could do a dinosaur character named Terranosaurus Rob.

Are you sure there isn't anyone in food called Terranosaurus Rob? Not that I would. We would know about what a dinosaur character named Taranosaurus Rob. Are you sure there isn't anyone in food called Taranosaurus Rob? Not the night mode. We would know about what a dinosaur is. Like a dinosaur sort of like a dragon, but less interesting. Less interesting. Like it doesn't even fire.

I guess like a snake. Look, you know what, let's take a quick break, and I'll explain to you guys what dinosaur is. Oh, Grum Thor. He's the most boring dragon. I know Seven dragons and a baby going out to die six taken sorted rainbow balls the other ordered wine The baby ordered mother's milk and then demanded w. The dragon said we're tired of those tonight, let's get full of foam. And that's what a dinosaur is.

Oh, so it's like a boring dragon. It's like a boring dragon, exactly. Great, oh, and I keep forgetting that the tonnaken in the penguin is still sort of flying around. Actually, I might be drunk. I love the sound she makes when she flies. Lovely.

All right, let's see. Let me jump into a couple more emails here. Here, this one is from Facebook, actually. You can follow us on Facebook and send us messages there. Jack Tan, or the third, says says I love you guys huge fan I was wondering if y'all have some other podcasts I could listen to. I'm caught up on the Magic Tavern thanks guys keep up the amazing work. No we you know you guys wanted to do an offices and bosses podcast. Oh we I mean we've been playing that without you. Oh

you've been playing the game you. Oh, you've been playing the game without me. Yeah. Dan Smith is now a level 10 temp. John Bastion just got a stapler. So, uh, things are going well. But yeah, we haven't been recording it because you won't let us use your equipment. Well, I don't want to, you know, last week, the battery ran out and we took us a long time to fix it. Like, I just want to root conserve our resources. Yeah. No, no, I totally get it if you want to hear an office is embossed podcast email Arnie at puppies That's a place that net and tell him Give us a fucking offices and buses podcasts. Oh fair. We get 200 people to send him an email

We'll do yes if you can send an email to Arnie at puppies that supplies Sure, I will say though the reason I had all this podcasting equipment with me in the car is that, you know, I used to have podcasts on Earth. They never really took off particularly, but I guess you could go back and listen to old stupid nerd podcasts, which I assume are still on the internet. What is that? It's a podcast where I interviewed nerds about nerdy things. So this isn't the first time you've done a podcast. This is not the first time I did a podcast. That's why I'm nerds about nerdy things. So this isn't the first time you've done a podcast.

This is not the first time I did a podcast. That's why I'm so good at it. Oh, that's not the free thing I was getting. I have an email here. This is from Mike Lieber. It says, hey Arnie and Sean, I listened to a few podcasts and after listening to you guys, I switched over to Game Informer podcast. The interview that was on the podcast was with Arnie.

I was a bit surprised when I heard Arnie was a writer and director for Jack Box Party Pack 2, which is a video game here on Earth. I guess this is what he does with the rest of his week and fun. Chunks up with that. PS, use the doors to fucking man. Yes I am. That's what I mean I did you know when I was on Earth I worked at a video game company and we were working on a Jack Blacks Party pack. You know, I've been gone for a long time. I guess probably maybe you're thinking of my coworker, Allard, that's a very similar name, so I'm glad to hear that it sounds like the game has come out, so hopefully it's

doing well. Perhaps someone is posing as you back on Earth. Wouldn't be surprising. I mean, if someone was posing as me on Earth, I would explain why I haven't heard from my wife, see. Yeah, cuz she's sleeping with that person So here we have an email from Aaron Smith so confused that her husband is now attentive and useful. Oh come on And he's probably a screaming used to do her when he Seriously though if you do

Yeah, any part as much of you so do our same as you can Believe I'm not joking But we can't stress enough do not yell felines. Elig or who bestink that will disrupt the mood that will kill the moments Unless the other person as it always does so I were very interested in learning about here's an email from Aaron Smith Says on earth we have booster seats They are put on top of chairs so children children consider the table comfortably how does the vermillion minotaur accommodate such a wide spectrum of patrons from ogres to

amps you seem like the one to ask i don't understand why you'd allow a child at a table they are not a full grown adult they have not earned that privilege yet they should sit on the bench with the other children. Now, imp sand, elves, and dogs. They're all a matter of sizes and stools and chairs here in the Vermillion Minotaur to accommodate all of our wonderful guests. And many sizes of tables too.

Yeah. And I mean, sometimes, like, I have gorgeous here. Let me take gorgeous out. Oh, no. This is my softly screaming potato. What an idiot. Like I have gorgeous here. Let me take gorgeous out. Oh My softly screaming potato and I just put I just put her on the table. I don't Sometimes creatures do sit on the table. Yeah, Pimbley nimble bottom. Yeah So it's I mean you can accommodate whatever. Yeah people get that

What what really kills me is it's got one little tooth It's a scream. You see it's one little tooth. Let me put Gorgas. Bye Gorgas Here's another email. Hello Arnie You have had some cool lady guests, but every single episode of your podcast has completely failed the Beck-Dalp the Beck-Dalp test I'm I don't know who to ask if I'm pronouncing that right. I do I am familiar with the pronunciation test I know I actually am familiar with what the Bechtel test is. Chanced up with that, you have all those unwed mothers hanging out in the Vermilion Minotaur, could you invite them on the show to talk about women's issues in Fune? That is a very fair complaint we've had women on.

The Bechtel test is that more women have to have a conversation with each other, not about a man, and we have failed that. We need to get more women on the podcast to talk to each other about I'm we don't really know enough about women's issues in food period. I take full responsibility for that I'll work harder to make to fix that. Would it help if I ship ships into a woman? Yeah, that would be great. But it helps if I transform into a woman. I would I would love to do an episode where you're both women. Yeah, that would be great, but it helps if I transform to 21 I Would I would love to do an episode where you're both women would it help if he turned you into a one?

I mean, I'm a little bit curious about that, but I'm happy being who I am who I am So all right, you're and you're happy about that. I am We thought you wanted to escape no This email continues. Finally, a friend of mine is a public librarian in Chicago, and she says to tell you, they want their copy of how to blamelessly abandon your wife and newborn child for dummies back. It's really overdue, and there's a long wait list.

That's a real book. No, they're just trying to stick it to me. Best? Megan? Megan the librarian. PS. Really enjoy the podcast. Thanks for your time in talent. Best Megan, Megan the librarian, PS, really enjoy the podcast. Thanks for your time in talent. Thank you, Megan. You really, I felt you grilled me a little bit, probably deservedly so, but I'm glad you enjoy the podcast.

Letters night. Letters night. Here's a letter from John Walker Davis, John writes, Hi, John, I'm a big fan of Y'all's podcast. My coworker Patrick has infected our whole office with the word of food. We all love listening to you guys and some of us are starting to collect your shirts. So if you could give us a shout out to Patrick Hannon, that would be awesome and blow his mind probably. John Vley's.

Patrick Hannon! Patrick Hannon! Patrick Hannon. I am going to retire to the bathroom a Moments, do you need anything to drink? I'll just have a water. Can I have a... ...mead with a little bit of petr-canon in it? Petr-canon? I know what that means. Here's another one real quick while he's gone.

I was laid up for a bit after some surgery a couple weeks ago, and I listened to you guys non-stop throughout that week. After really is the best medicine, and you all provided it, I love the show, I'm going to be back in a few weeks. I'm going to after some surgery a couple weeks ago, and I listened to you guys non-stop throughout that week. After really is the best medicine, and you all provided it, I love the show, keep up the good work, and Chant Hugg Arnie,

Dave Gardner, Spokane Washington. Oh. That's really nice. I'm glad that we could make that painful time better for you Dave Gardner. Okay, well I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna. Chant, here's the thing, please hug me, me for real. Yeah, like I know that people are only listening to this So you think you can get away with just pantomime and hugging me. Nope. Here we go. No, come on

I know bear with me one second Really happening this is just like an email about my fingers. All right, it's a one arm. There's a one arm hug Yeah, you bet your ass. that's a one arm. That's a one arm hook. Yeah, you bet your ass it was a one arm tug That was nice. Yeah, thanks Dave Gardner for being a Steve Thank you Mead with raspberry here. I have an email here from Keith Keith Higby Chunch I love you with all my heart. I'm just curious if he had a three sum with two different animals.

What would happen? Well, I suppose I would turn into some combination of what animals they were. Oh, really? So it's not like the last one that you have sexual contact with. So it would be this amalgam of everyone that you had some kind of. Yeah, I mean, my cousin, a stomopolis to you guys I mean we're talking about But my cousin Stomopolis had a threesome and at some point yeah, he was he turned into He had bird wings a bird head and then a raccoon's body. Oh, yeah

Interesting Yeah, now what sort of creature it was was mr. Higby Was he a bee is a Higby? Is he a B? Is he a Higby thing? He didn't say what he was here. He's probably an insect. Here we have this is from Luke Abramsson, the title is my sweet chun. Hey chun, people on earth are starting to wonder if you've lost your touch. Can you knock it late or are you just sleeping around with a bunch of different badgers?

I bet Arnie isn't a good enough friend to notice the slight change in your badger appearance. PS, ask Usador if he can quickly curse my friend, Campbell Birdbelly on the next recording. Maybe just to make everyone, just to make every fart he does a little bit wet. Usador knows the spell doesn't he spin text does. That got really... I was, I'm gonna be 100% honest.

I wasn't even paying attention to that. Oh, I wish I was paying attention to that. What was his friend's name? Kemble Birdbelly? Kemble Birdbelly. That's not one of the earth names. It was on that list. Yeah, so this is obviously fake. But I'll curse him anyway.

I... Alright, here's one. Hey Arnie, love the show. You guys are great. Anyway, I'm just happened to catch your podcast, and I wanted to help you out. And maybe you can help me. Instead of being a podcast at the mercy of a weak Wi-Fi signal of a Burger King, how would you like to be have a podcast supported by and a malcomation of cords and wires

stuff through an interdimensional riff? Curdacy of some guy named Steve because I could totally hook that up. Oh, that's, it would be helpful. I've been playing with the Rift, it's got a little give to it. Obviously, Child Fat works the best, but a little Crisco or Water based lubricant can wedge it open just enough for a power strip and the Ethernet cord to fit through. I love this show and I'm more than happy to aid your quest.

As a favor to me, well, and there are a lot of L's in this, I work long hours and have weird hobbies, so I don't meet a lot of women. I'm a bit embarrassed asking this and I'm a huge fan of the writer Tolkien. Let's just say does Elvish made in glory homing anything? This goes on for a while. This goes on for a while. Really sad towards you. Stay away from the dimensional portal for a while. If anything comes through, let's not. I don't let me see that. Oh, boy. Dada-dada-dada. Here's another one.

Hi, Arnold. It's Arnie. On a recent trip to the US, I'm from London. I happened to briefly fall through that portal you're always banging on about. At the time, I assumed Burger King had undergone some strange renovation and didn't realize what had happened until after I left the portal, Googled Spice Potatoes and found your podcast.

I was so taken by my experience I wrote a Yelp review for the Vermilion Minotaur. Oh wow and here's the Yelp review. It's so the Burger King that the dimensional portal was behind at the, it's in Chicago at the intersection of Irving Park and Clark. And the Yelp review says what an interesting experience from the outside. It appears much like any other reliable burger king, but after going through the drive-through, there's a flash, and the interior takes on a strange,

old pub design. Think wooden panels, tables, and pint glasses, very cool. One thing that confused me about the signs all read for a million-minute tour, I have to say I was somewhat disappointed by the fact that the men you seemed to be severely limited with an unnerving staff member Strange other name blemish only offering spice potatoes. The boy. Yeah, that's blemish. Anyway, and it goes on from there

And that's awesome Anyway, the people can get word out about the podcast and the fact that there are multiple dimensions even if it's on that yellow page is great Letters night, letters night Yeah, letters night Are you doing you, Siddore? I'm doing wonderfully. I feel like are we, I'm enjoying, we still have, I feel like there one we're never ever going to get through all the emails. Yeah, I have too many here. I really appreciate it. I don't know, maybe one more. One more.

Here we go here. Here we go now. This is from uh, Carrie Throne. She says, Hey, Chant, you've talked about unicorns and dragons before, but do you have Phoenix's Pegasai hippogriffs? Oh, have you heard anything from SpinTax? Are you sure he didn't just run away? Love you and use the door. Oh, thank have Pegasine, we have Phoenixes. We have the University of Phoenix. Yeah. What's the University of Phoenix? Arnold. The memory Gremlin that you fucked. The... Wait to the University of Phoenix. That's right. That's right. There's so much information about this world that I'm taking in that I can't remember all we don't have hypocris what's a hypocrite uh... believe that's that's uh... that's a magical creature that people write about in my world i don't really

i don't really remember it is yeah i don't really remember exactly are you okay i feel like ever since you stopped drinking you can't really remember definitely slow but only slowing down you need that juice that's the memory sweet sweet intelligence juice one more okay one more email uh how about uh how about you read this last one you store since you haven't written it wait before you read it uh

Mundo the Grand Ole player... Flourish. Waffles. Dear Chant, A, you're the coolest shapeshifter I know. Are there more of you? Yes. B, what are waffles like in food? On Earth, they are the best breakfast food available. Small squares pocket in the waffle food.

Basically, liquid sugar. I love this if he labored like buttered maple That comes from a tree. This food never house dedicated to waffles because Earth should us. Keep the amazing content coming yours truly Karen What what is what is she mean by content? Keep the amazing content coming. I guess just the content of the podcast like it's all completely real but You know just the what the people are listening tells you a lot of emails asking If we write this what it why would they ask that no, we don't write this we just

We just turn on the microphones and talk. It's all real and even if it wasn't real Why would we write it? If we did write it, we'd feel a lot more fun. Yeah. Guys, I feel like we've been on a journey together through these emails. I'm sorry to everyone, so many people, we're getting so many emails, and I love everyone, but we can't get to all of them. Please keep sending them.

Letters 9. Letters 9. Letters 9! Are you willing to... Should we do the section now where we read emails Shout one more yeah, this is the time in the in the show where we would read emails No more emails How we finish the rain show reads me else oh This seems like such a good idea I'm so tired.

One more. Oh, me again? Okay, so it wasn't real. That should go without saying. Chant the shape shifter was played by Adolf Reffi. Used to door the wizard was played by Matt Young. The new verse of Seven Dragons and a Baby, suggested by a listener, Hank, was sung, as always, by Glenn Miller and Spance, who are really just Nick Gage and Meredith Steppian. Oh, and it says here, the original version of the song was sent in a while back by a listener

named Matt Meadow. Uh, and we have the audio, I think. Seven Dragons and a Baby, living in their nest. Alright, it's enough for that. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne and Ecamp, Evan Jacoba and Rindy Georgie, music by Andy Poland, Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBon. Go to hellofromthemagictavern.com

or Twitter or Facebook and there's t-shirts too if this link is on the... You'll find it. This whole episode, all the letter reading, the whole thing, was sponsored by the game Utter Nonsense. Find it at a target store near you, and it was also sponsored by Basecamp via the Chicago podcast co-op. Learn more about Basecamp at Basecamp.com and the Chicago podcast co-op at Chicagopodcastcoop.com. And if you know anything about space travel, let me know personally. Because I would like to leave. Thank you.

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