Hello From The Magic Tavern - 39 - Can the Wizard

Episode Date: November 24, 2015

Chunt here! Arnie's hung over so I'm hosting the podcast this week. Usidore's wizard-friend Can is drinking at the Vermilion Minotaur today. Maybe he'll chat with us.CreditsChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungCan: Arnie NiekampBungaree Chubbins: Tom GottliebCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Evan JacoverTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Logan Square. Visit EmporiumChicago.com for info. Hello from Magic Tavern. This is Chant, the shape shifter. Arnie is not able to host today's episode. He's a little hungover, so he's upstairs above us now, puking his brains out. But we're gonna make do without him. So this is a weekly podcast that takes place

in the Vermilion Minotaur of Tavern here in Foon in the town of Hogsface. And what happened is about eight months ago, Arnie fled his wife and child purposely ducked behind a Burger King and fell into a portal and he's been hiding out here ever since we just do some interviews so I'm joined as always by my great friend. I am Yusador, a wizard of the twelfth The realm of a fesious master of light and shadow. Manipulator, Metropolis lights.

The vower of chaos. Champion of the great halls, the Tarakas, the elves, Nomi is Viannella. The dwarves, Nomi, as Zonen in who extinguished. You're really relishing this. And I am known in an atheist.

This guy's a big spank soul. Oh, and friends. Here, you said always voice now. And trust him when he tells thee. There are other... ...secret names. Yet, I'm revealing. Untill thee.

I have to say that's the best I've ever heard that go. You were felt so relaxed and comfortable. I really got to sit in it. Yeah, it felt like there's no concerns or worries. I usually, I usually kind of rush through it. I feel like I'm going to get into rubble. Yeah. So I just cut to just sort of relax and just do my thing.

That was amazing. Thank you so much. Oh my god. And of course, joining me here as the second go host or as filling in for Arnie is one of my best friends. This is gorgeous, the screaming potato. Gorgeous. Go ahead and introduce yourself. Great. You used to do anything going on this week. Oh, can I tell you something that's that happened to me? Oh, please do do One of my old friends is staying with me

She's a Gorgon. Have you heard of do you know? Gorgon Gorgon I always say Gorgon she's a Gorgon and she's staying with me and it's so awkward because I can't look at her Or I'll turn this down right and then she's using my shower and I go and after her and it's like, there's just like snakes in the drain. Like it's just like, it's just, it's just, and do you know how gross it is to like be pulling, you're like, oh it's clonks. Somebody else's wet snakes. And then you pull out wet snakes and it's like, are you, like, if it's my own snakes? Great. But to pull out somebody else's nasty wet snakes, that's just disgusting.

I know you're taking a roadtrike. I am, yeah. Have you thought about sleeping with this gorgon? No. Because you can't look at her. Yeah. But you could make love to and turn into a gorgon. Yeah, to me so much of sex as visual. We can't look her in the face. You not look at her at all. I don't know. I Just I just hold up a mirror in front of me and try and look behind like right. Yeah, I just try and go How did you make how did you become friends with the door? It's a long story and we have a lot of time So here it is when I was younger I was I got separated from my from my mom. Oh, I'm sorry. I hold that thought for one moment. Okay. I Can can come over here, sit down.

This is my friend, Can, the wizard. Have you ever met Can? No, you mentioned Can, you mentioned Can. Hi, Can. Hello, I am Canifus and Dewspring, Master of Space and Time. Headmaster of the Gisilnob Preparatory School for Young Wizards. The elves did know me as Canagon, the ever-living. The elves do know me as candle, do-spice. The elves will know me as candy-crowly. The dwarves did know me as candy-heat. And

well, it goes on like that for quite a long time, but those are some of my names. Wow. It's good to see you, can. It's good to see you, Yusudor. It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry that Arnie can join us. I feel like he would have interrupted your speech with some clever earth thing. It's all right. I'm sure I will have, have, and have met him many times.

You see, Ken is the master of space and time, so he's lived in a loop infinitely throughout time. Yes, I'm infinitely old. I have lived my way through the entire history of Foon multiple times. I know everything that has happened, he's happening, and we'll be happening. Does it always work out the same way? Yes, but I have to admit, it's a lot to remember. I have forgotten a great deal of it, especially things in the future. I forget, and then only remember them when it's most dramatic to remember them. Wow, pretty convenient.

Yes, it's very convenient. Oh, Karen, maybe you can help us. A chunt was telling us a story about how he met a gorgon. Oh, grab some of your memories. Something from past to the future about them. Yes, I seem to remember that chant Mary to go again What that doesn't sound right I remember at some point

Chant marrying a gore gone. Do you know what's gonna happen right now? Right this moment. Yeah, what's gonna happen right now? No, I drink in your face Do you remember this conversation? That wasn't very nice, just- Sorry, it was not very nice. Don't say I'm an Ameriagruga. No, I'm- that's just how I remember it. Maybe I'm thinking of some other shapeshifter.

Hmm, maybe, maybe my cousin. How old are you? There's no way of knowing. I've lived so many times that I've forgotten most of the beginning of my life. Not I am not like Yusudor, I do not remember my coming into existence. I just remember parts of several loops through time. Can I ask about with your introduction everything's gonna be past tense. Well, the elves did know me as Kanagan ever living, but the elves currently know me as Candle Doe Spice.

So it does change. You don't know the things don't always happen the same every time you go around the loop of time. Yes, during different periods of Foon's history, I am known by different races as different names. Interesting. You also said that they will know. Yes, absolutely. So you have some sort of preside as well.

Yes. Into the loops you have not yet even lived. No, will I don't know. I don't know things about my own future, but I remember my past futures. Ooh, ooh, think about that for a second. Think about it. I don't want to.

I don't want to. And if you're hoping that I can somehow reveal future things, I cannot. I do, though. Remember one thing quite clearly. Between you used it all. You chumped. And Carnival Wilson. Yes. I know the order of your deaths. Oh, I could probably guess that Arnie then me the new Sedan

That is not correct. Oh, okay chump dies first Usador dies second Carnival Wilson As far as I know Never dies. Oh, brother. I could be wrong. How would it outlast a wizard in a shape shifter? Is he magical and we don't know about that? It's all very blurry! Ugh! This is the most frustrating thing in my life! Now I had, now I had, we're giving you the business right now but... I don't know, I had to do it. I had to do it.

I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it now I had now I Were we are we're giving you the business right now, but I Can and I have got a many adventures together the blue wizard and the yellow wizard together fighting for peace and truth and justice Throughout our food can I ask something that might be a little insensitive of course So as you guys know when you combine blue and yellow, it makes green. Yes.

So, do the two of you equal one spin-tax? No, but if we consummated our relationship, we would make a spin-tax. We would? Yes. Would it be just a green wizard or it would literally be spin-tax? It would. It would literally be spin. It would literally be spin tax. So he wouldn't maybe that's how he came into existence.

In some future time, did you guys make love and are you, are you spin taxes dads? Not that I'm aware of, but I don't have mastery over space and time. That would explain so much about your relationship as far as like trying, you know, you know, being upset about how much he's accomplished because you're, you know, a dad who didn't, you're living vicariously through him. All the fraud, I know, Spentaxus, just as upset about all the things I have accomplished. He doesn't mention it. No, I don't think so.

No, no. He's accomplished and awful lot. Even by my spotty memory. He's done alright. So, can you study in the Greyhalls of Trockis? I did, I studied at the Greyhalls of Trockis. I've studied the Greyhalls of Trockis many times, and I more than likely will study there again,

because I, you know, there's a lot to forget. But also, at the same time, as I mentioned before, I am headmaster of the Gizelnab preparatory school for young wizards When any wizards go before the great holes in terracus. Tell us a little bit about Gizelnab. Well It's it's a magical preparatory school for promising young wizards most wizards like Yusidol all Created into existence.

Correct. Had an age that is much older, but some students train to become wizards. Do you have any special, like, close relationship with any current student or students? Well, we do have a student who there is a prophecy about. The prophecies are dime it doesn't. That's true, but there is a prophecy that there is a young wizard in training who will be the one to defeat the Dark Lord. What? The prophecy goes like this.

Frisnap, tingle. We'll grow up to defeat the Dark Lord. That's pretty much what you said. In saving all of Foon, yes. I didn't say his name, the first. His name is Frisnap Single. Tingle. He's a first-year student. Unfortunately, he died.

Well, yes. He got into some adventures. I was a little lenient about letting him do some things. He probably shouldn't have done at such a young age. And he was killed. Wait why didn't you look out for him? Like should you be kind of hovering over the students to make sure they're not in danger? Nah you know as a teacher you look for teaching moments and I thought it would be a teaching moment if he had an adventure in the school. It's if I were not there to help at all. I guess I overestimated

How well he would have done. Oh my god. Can't oh can't you like a lot of our students die actually in some of the ways a lot of children A lot of child death is not going specifically a jizzle knob Is there some way that since you're the that literally the master of time can't you like rewind time and like save him? Chunt, that's not how it works. But you just don't- I only travel through time and it's way similar to how you do. It's just that I have done it so many times that I have memories from different time periods. So you're not as much the master of time in spaces, you are just a victim of it.

I mean, you don't need to be a dick about it, you see, though. What out to the shapeshifters you've known as victim of time? Would you like me to drop the enchantment on this tavern and just let Goblins in? We talked to some lovely Goblins. Yeah, they're great. I feel like that's an outdated... All Goblins are terrible. Yikes, that's outdated. They should not be allowed you're on the

wrong side of history moment i am on the right side of history and the wrong side of history so did the what was the kids name uh you don't remember fris napting all fris napting all did i we refer to him as the boy who died the boy who died Can you tell us exactly how he died? Like what was the adventure in school? Did a fellow student kill him? Was there some sort of what happened? The cursed object? Deep beneath Gisilnab Preparatory School for young wizards.

There is a secret compartment. Why? It's a secret. All right. Why? It's a secret. Alright. Deep within that, there is a serpent with a giraffe. I kind of wanted to ask why again, but I feel like I was going to get to say bad side.

There is a serpent with a giraffe's face who can answer any question. But if it is let loose, we'll go on a killing rampage. This boy went down there to ask a question on the serpent. I do not. Do you know why you keep that serpent in the school? I do not. I should really look into it. He asked the question he got an answer

He caught a terrible cold and died of pneumonia From the secret compartment it's very chilly. Oh, God. He didn't even really die in adventure. He just got sick. I mean It was an adventurous place to get sick What else? You're a very good host of this podcast. You make it look so easy. Well, can I just say that, you know, I've never, I've seen Arnie host before you.

He's pretty good, but I think he's excellent. Yeah, that's, you seem pretty keen on Ernie. But I feel like Ernie's never had a guest where every time you ask him something, he's like, I forgot. I don't know. It's escapes my mind. Like usually the guests.

I feel like I've answered quite a few questions. All right. I'm chance getting a little bit upset. So I think perhaps this would be a great time to take a break and we'll come right back with more from Can and the wizard. Thank you. Hello, I'm here again, Bungery Chubbins. Do you find that most chamber parts are dull on the

eyes, but who share upon the nose? Who wouldn't want to deposit their leaving into a nutmeg-centred bowl depicting the Elphin Conist of Fingeroon. Or maybe you prefer your turdbox in a nice herring bone. It smells like anis. Well, if you can afford that luxury, go ride over the Penn Halligan's pretty parties on Northwest High Street. I can't stop you. But, if you want the simple pleasure of dropping your colon's own fragrance into a dollar than we're

receptacle. Then please, come around to Chubbins Chamber Park and so forth. Oh, did I? Did I mention we also have lids? And we're back with canned heat. Oh, Chunt, I did not know you're a dwarf from the distant past. I'm not, I just heard you list your name, so... Oh, I see, he's...

Just picking my favorite. The dwarves currently know me as... Canticleeboids. Well, do you want to go on an adventure anytime soon? I-I'm dying to get back into a cave or a... Or a pit or dungeon and just you know knock over some some gels or some worms or just something just get out there and mix it up. Well used to know I'm not as young as I used to be so an adventure may be a little

difficult for me to pull off but you know there are younger versions of me nearby. There are multiple versions of you. Well, technically, it's the same me. It's just that it's me on a different loop through time Well, I have to I thought this was the only version of you. No, maybe I'm not explaining it very well There's just one me I get older and older but when my age gets to the end of food I start over again at the beginning. I just always assume that you took your same place in the timeline though. What you're saying is that each time you go around, there's an additional version of you that joins the world. Yes.

So you are changing time every time because there's a new individual there in that timeline. So it's like time after time. What? Do you remember the time? Do you remember the time? Do you remember the time? Fun folks are loving it. Now, there is some danger that if I never die, eventually, food will be overrun with me. So you want us to kill you? No, no, we're not there yet. Alright. But someday, every...

every... part of Foon, every ounce of space, will just be packed to filling with me. Is it possible that one of the other versions of you became the Dark Lord? I suppose it's possible that a future version of me could eventually become the dark lord but it seems unlikely

so if we kill you now uh look we've we've really turned a killing quite quickly well you did mention that if there were too many of you i just thought we were perhaps yes but that's quite look once it's here's my thing you have my permission if If you're like holy shit, there are like a million cans around you can start killing me I gotta say we're pretty far away from that and sometimes when I if that would happen I would look and I would go

I hate these cans. Yeah, I'm going to kill these cans. Yeah, let's recycle this guy Everyone must hate these cans. Yes. Why does he hate these cans? Yes, exactly. What a jerk. Someone somewhere is loving it. Now, here's my- here's my other question for you, Ken. Well, despite all the adventures we've gone on together, I've never asked you about the nature of your powers,

so I'm quite curious. Have you ever wanted to change the course of time, or to change events, or try to? You know I haven't really ever thought of it that way. Now I know you also have your day job at the school. Do you enjoy that job? Or does it kind of get in the way? Is it like a day job? And you're like wish I had more time to adventure? I have changed the course of time. I don't love it. Not a fan. I really don't like children. Yes, that's the worst. I don't love it. Hmm, yes. Not a fan. I really don't like children.

Yes, that's the worst. I don't like teaching. Yes. I don't like bureaucracy of academia. I don't really care about what children live and die. Perhaps the thing you should focus on changing is like yourself? Hmm. Maybe it's time to do some work on you. Speaking of changing yourself, I mean, obviously I'm a shapeshifter so I can sort of change not at will,

but through ways, I've heard of some wizards being able to change themselves into animals. Is that something you can do? I am merely a master of time and space. I know you, Sador, you have the power of light and shadow. Yes, but I can also transform into a broomstick when I'm very afraid Do it do it. I'm not afraid right now Do it do it do it sort of an instinctual thing if I get really scared do it. No, no

You said oh this stuff behind you Give me that X him in that X. I'm gonna chop them in two. No, he's two broomsticks. Oh These both up. Oh, he's for broomsticks. Oh, and chop these both up. Oh, he's four broomsticks. This is the best part already, Trisha. Oh, we are all used to all. Oh, no. He's like a broom walker. This is the worst.

Now there are many tiny used to do this. This has happened before. We all speak in unison and we'll eventually we'll kind of, as we sleep, we tend to turn into like one person again Fun to run around people for a while Well, thank you so much can for being on the show Thank you for having me, chump. It's good to see you again It's good to see you again, you know.

It's good to see you as well, Chant. I hope that soon we can go on an adventure and perhaps find some match life. And free you from your prison of time. Yes, I gotta say it's an honor to just me and text that. I mean, that's cool. I have a few emails here. These are emails from Missy Slythera Lou Calgary. Yes, very nice. There's a few emails here. This is emails from chunt at jima.com. That's chunt with 60s. Matthew Bischoff writes, hey, Arnie Chunt,

and you said, oh, well, Arnie's gone, so it's canned chunt. And you said, I love the show. We've heard a bit about the drinks at the Vermine Minototaur and I'm wondering what cocktails and adult beverages are like throughout Fune. Do you have a favorite drink or bartender in the realm? Cheers Matt. My favorite drink, I mean I like just an ale with, at some point I started to take it with a little bit of raspberry, I think at some point somebody accidentally

spilt some raspberry in my meat and since then I always drink it so that's my favorite. Do you guys have a favorite drink? A favorite food beverage or drink? Yes I drink mostly water with a little bit of banana in it just because the banana helps the acid reflux that my old body gets. Okay, that sounds gross as hell, are you sure? I enjoy a sout and sturdy meat or delicious and happy ale. Or even a rainbow bowl now and then I enjoy all the beverages available to us here. And my favorite bartender is Ootalk Barleywood, well closely by Tlaesia Pondane from the town of stir. Oh, I love pondanes I feel like pondanes are sometimes like bananas. So we have another email here. This is from Jake's Slickinger. He says hey, Sean's you're definitely the coolest person on the podcast

Oh, thank you, which is saying a lot since I have a thing for wizards and used to doors utterly amazing Thank you I said an email to Arnie because I'm a new fan that this really wants to know if you and Yusudor have ever played the game, would you rather? If you haven't, can you have Arnie explain the game? Well, that doesn't work now. And then play using the questions I provided below. So I guess Arnie's not here, so what do we think would you rather is?

What are the questions perhaps? Yes, I wonder if there are context clues we could use to figure it out. The questions are, it says, for Chant, would you rather be able to instantly transform into anything that you like, but you must always have one butthole regardless of your form, or permanently remain a badger for the rest of your life, but you can always change the number of but-wholesate you have. I mean, this seems pretty straightforward as far as what the question is. Yeah, that doesn't seem like a game. I guess I would always, I guess I'd remain a badger and be able to adjust my butt number. How many points is that worth? We'll say 100. 100 points to the house magic. For Yusudor, would you rather make spin-tax to green your servant for life at the cost of all your magical properties, or have Queen Tatania alter yourself for one day, but lose

all current and future titles, forced to only announce yourself as Yusudor? What are magical properties? I think like, my house is an actual. Yeah. I don't have the magical properties for say so that one great And this is for 400 points for me this one's 100 points to house wizard This is for Arnie, but I guess we'll ask can would you rather leave food to return home knowing that it will destroy every living thing in food or save food by forsaking any method that could get you home. Quite ironic that maybe the only way for me to save food would be to eventually

leave it because my mere overlapping presence will one day destroy it. So I don't know, second one. Great. How many points? 10,000 points. I have one. Would you win? I don't know. Of course you don't. That was a wonderful game. You're having so much fun with me here, Chanten. Yeah, I mean this is just like having Arne on. I've never met Arne. Yeah. I suspect I never will. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hey, so, you know, not real. That was not real. Obviously, not real at all. What is real is my desire to get in touch with anybody at all who might know anything about astrophysics, dimensional planes,

or any way to get me back home from this space thing that I appear to, I don't know. So anyone who can help me, if you hear me, please, let me know, I don't even know how to, you would to, I don't know. So anyone who can help me if you hear me, please let me know. I don't even know how to, you would contact Arad. Usador was played by Matt Young. John was played by Adlerify. Can The Wizard was played by Special Guest. Arnie Neekamp. That name sounds familiar? I don't know where from. Bungery Chubbins was played by Tom Gottlieb, aka Cookie Masterson from UdonotJack.

Hello from The Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Evan Jekover, and Ryan D. Georgie, edited by Evan Jekover. If you go to Twitter, or Facebook, or just hello from TheMagicTavern.com, you can see more stuff about the show, again, not real, and oh, we have t-shirts. You can see those on the website and buy one. Before I wrap it up for this week, don't forget, all of this not real stuff was sponsored by Emporium Arcade Bar. Check them out at EmporiumChicago.com and learn more about the Chicago Podcast Co-Up at

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