Hello From The Magic Tavern - 44 - Arnor the Warrior

Episode Date: January 7, 2016

We're joined by Arnor, the greatest warrior in all of Foon! People have been comparing us a lot since our names are so similar. I bet he'll get a kick out of that.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungArnor: Blaine SwenOtok Barleyfoot: Nick BaerMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Evan JacoverTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxEpisode Art: Kevin BudnikYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. Attention, slaves to entertainment. The following podcast is not real, but it is really sponsored by Cards Against Humanity. They asked us not to read an ad. Enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern!

A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun, I'm your host Arnie Neekham. If you haven't listened to the podcast before, this is what the basic premise is. About 11 months back I've heard, I fell through a magical dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the fantastical Land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a bit of a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King, probably through that same dimensional riff that I fell through, and I used that to upload a podcast that I record every week in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, here in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon, and I'm joined as always by my co-hosts, my Boone Companions, a chunt the shapeshifter.

Oh yeah, baby. Hey, how you doing, chunt? Pretty good, how you doing? I'm doing alright, you know, do you mind if I ask you something kind of personal? Um, I do. Oh, okay. Uh, my other belly is boundis. What? Ah, ah, ah. I am Usador. No, Wizard of the Toothrail, my thesis. Oh, okay. Uh, my other- The rebellious boundists. What- Ah!

I am Usador. No! Wizard of the Toothrail, my thesis. I can't move! Master of Legends, you know. I am just a good away from the world's safest. The valor of chaos. Champion! Oh, the Greek!

HOOZ, the Trockus! The elves of his fying, Eleg. The dwarves know me as Zodan and Huk Stangies. And I'm known in the Northeast as Gessom Winnius Mastar. And he, I mean how That means so secret and so powerful You're really dragging this out that if you ever did speak them Mm-hmm, because such great wantam destruction in the death that may would survive

How come of their Suburrence what were you gonna ask me? Well, I Can you un-unmangically? No, don't let them sit there for a minute. What are you gonna ask me? Just in case I don't I was gonna check in with you I know that like a couple weeks ago you mentioned that your girlfriend the cockroach died. Yeah, and I'm just gonna see how you're doing. Is there anything you need? Yes, Chuck. Is there anything you need? I mean, I don't know. Just just be nice to me I'm gonna see how you're doing. Is there anything you need? Yes, Chunch is there anything you need? I mean, I don't know, just be nice to me.

Okay, you're doing good. No, I know what I need. I need you to come to Chunch tonight. Oh boy. I need you to come to Chunch tonight. And I need you to perform a Chunch tonight. Perform a Chunch tonight. That's the only thing that will help me out.

This is so stupid. Just go. Okay, I will go. I will. I'll come up with something to do. Some use it or make them before you. Alright. Make a magical contract. Make him sign it.

Ah, this right here. I've got a magical contract in my pocket already. I don't need to make it. Oh good. There. Just a sign in your blood. In my blood? Yeah.

I've got some of your blood here too. I walk around with this now Warning ink or my blood. Did you take that one plenty? Yeah, sign this with your own blood. All right fine. I will Initial here. Okay initial here. Yeah, okay three initials on this page. This is a lot Sign again here. I sure I should probably read all this It's fine. It's fine. It's like a 19 again here. I sure I should probably read all of this. No, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. It's just like a 19-stay. Data tier.

Yep. Okay. I don't even know what the data is. I'll just put some numbers. What does it, it doesn't illegitimate the contract if I have the date wrong. Does it? I always wondered that about contracts. Like how important is the date?

Like if I accidentally put the date wrong. Is this a colony you're going to be doing at Chunchnight? Hey, Vivo. What's the old wrong. Here we go. Is this a county you're gonna be doing at Chun's Night? Hey, people. What's the odd contracts? Oh, no thanks. Here, and one more thing, just put your... Your foolish security number here.

I don't have a foolish security number. I'm only just now a citizen. I've been... That number's on your certificate of citizen grade. Oh, boy, I gotta find that. You don't have it? No, I thought it it was like oh, I am On a cart and one okay. I'll get I'll find them. I'll find them. I'm sure papers. Please take this with you Thank fill it out and get it back to me. Thank you

All right, and thank you for agreeing to do chun's night. That was a wedding contract chun's night and support of you as a friend And trust me you don't want to go back on your word because that's a magical contract. I'm gonna have to read you'll be inside out if you don't to. Inside out. Yep. How do you think Mike became what he is? Oh, that Mike is an Mike open Mike on a magical. Yeah, but all right. Okay, well, we'll chun. I just want you know, I'm here for you, buddy. No, it can be tough. Can we get to the guest this week? I'm so excited. No, okay, yeah, yeah, I actually have a big deal. Yes I would yeah you guys said you had a surprise guest for me Oh, yes, oh boy. I will Arnold let me introduce to you

That's a great point. It is on he is is on you. Yeah, yeah, on me. Yes I've never heard you say my name like that. I know you haven't been paying attention on me I would like to introduce you to Arnold hello name like that. I knew you haven't been paying attention. Ony, I would like to introduce you to Arno! Hello. Whoa! Holy shit. God you good din. Ony.

Yeah. Isn't he huge? He is huge. Look at that guy. You're much smaller than I expected. Yeah, and I'm not small. It's a different sort of large. Yeah.

Well, are we gonna do this or what? What? Are we gonna fight or what? Wait, are we gonna fight? Oh, yes. Fight, fight, fight, fight. Yeah, well, are we gonna do this or what what we're gonna fight or what? What are we gonna fight? Oh, yeah fight fight fight fight fight fight fight Muscles versus fat No, no look okay, hey, so I've heard I've heard many I've heard some tales you have our nor the great our nor the warrior The most famous warrior in all food. Well apparently second most famous from what I'm hearing, there's a man with a shorter name than mine. Oh that's right I heard something

about shortening names. In order to shorten your name from Anor to Ani, you have to complete twice as many tasks as the great warrior Anor and he has completed 38 great tasks. I was working on my 39th in Michingleshane Forest. Which is real close by. Oh yes. I was hunting the wild boar of Michingleshane Forest. Oh. I took some respite nearby campfire with some woodsman who told me the tale of Arny, who every night drink his full of ale at the

For a million minutes, oh that's right. Yeah, the million minute. Uh, you're new in this area That's it bragged about his feats welcome to people to his table his whole his tails all the time his fists are clunch So tight they're dripping blind Oh, holy... Go ahead. I'm too hurry with you. Well, hey, look, I'm in no offense. My name just happens to be shorter than yours and sounds a little similar to yours.

I'm gonna leave you must have done, like, 70, 76 great feats. Yes, listen. Yeah. Okay. Well, hey, I will, but I would love to hear a little bit more about your 38 feats. You wanna know about me? Yeah, I do.

We all know about you. We all know about you. Everyone around, everyone around Hogsface is always talking about the great Arnor. Go on. And now, like, how he's like the greatest hero in all of Foon, a land of heroes and villains. Like, you are apparently one of the heroes

that people love the most. It often comes up because Arnold introduces himself and says, I am Arnie and they go, wow, Arno, you don't look anything like what I expected. They're so disappointed. Yes, as am I. But I'll tell you about my feet. Yes, please do.

Well, my first feet I was at the lab seven years old. Wow, I love this. Yes. I am the child of the Skyguard Bruce. Bruce the Skyguard! Yes, Bruce the Skyguard my father made a deal with a memory goblin to exchange powers for one hour and so he took on the likeness of Al-Bean Bilaroth. Wow! He descended to the northeast, where he consummated for an passionate hour with Queen Titania.

Oh, what a lucky guy. And in that adulterous consummation was born me. Wow. The demigod. Oh, no. Sammy Hool. He's so cool. Look at his hair. He's so cool.

That is great hair. There's like no hair products in this world and your hair still looks great. Ah, the blood of the Bornean bear is what styles my hair. And I wear his steel teeth about my neck even now. Is this steel teeth of Bornean bear not something to match with? You're good. I get some of that blood my hair is in a rough place Oh, yeah, I'm gonna make sure you see a lot of blood in a buddy. Okay, yum Damn it's right Okay, okay, so you're six years old. Yes, seven seven. Sorry. I'm not great with man

He was up and you saw seven now. There's something you should know about Arnie He doesn't really do math Oh, he doesn't know he had numbers seemed to like confuse him even just naming the correct number Seems to utterly baffle him on a weekly basis Right yeah, all right there. You know when I was a kid my dad would read me your adventures and I had An Arnor shirt. I swear around the house like if I was like lounging around the house had an Arnor shirt Come on, I actually brought it. Would you mind? Are you kidding me signing it? I'm just the biggest I mean no You don't mind if I like did my quill in my hair get a little that way with some warning even better

That would be amazing blood. That'd be amazing. All right. Oh my god Chunk Get a little that we was some warning even better that would be amazing. Yeah blood. That'd be amazing. All right. Oh my god chunt Does it with you you? Hmm chun whatever you want sir. Keep it real Wow even real that's his thing. He said wow After every after every feet he completes he says keep it real to the dead enemy at his feet wow with love He completes he says keep it real to the dead enemy at his feet. Wow with love

Oh, no, man with love Yeah, I'm on or do you get you probably get approached all the time like does it get tiring having You know people falling over you constantly, you know, it's funny. You think I'd get approached more But I'm usually so busy accomplishing some sort of daring feet that people don't dare get near me. Yeah, they're like if you're fighting a monster, people are like, I'd love to meet him, but I don't want to get close to that thing. Yeah, that's right. Didn't you kill the hesitant cyclops?

That's right, yeah. The Halen Wolf. Yes, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I killed the three headed curve of the caves of none. Wow, the caves of none. Yeah, yes. I'd like to hear more about the caves of none.

Let me tell you about my first great trip. Yeah, I was seven years old. I was seven. My mother, Tatanya, fearing for my life, set me without the walls of the palace. And so as a boy, I had to scrounge for food. Wow, it's seven. Seven years old.

I was regularly food a fighting out of season, just to get a meal. When I knocked on the door of a fingering dinner party. Oh, fingarians are tough. Yes. Of course, the fingarians will never give food when they're given the option to fight. And so there I was, as a seven-year-old boy, facing a dozen angry fingarians. I filled my belly on their warm flesh. Whoa!

Killed them and ate them! That's right. At seven! Yes. Gotta be hard for a kid. Oh well. He is keeping it real. I mean, on the one hand, that's like the first step

towards a lifetime of real like epic heroics. But it's also like, it's gonna be hard on a kid. Well sure it was tough for a while, but little did I know, those fingering and dinner party conversation was the assassination of King Beliroth. Oh, when he heard what I had done, he embraced me as his own son. Wow, forgave his wife Titania for the affair she had with my father Bruce yeah and now now I fight for the honor of my adopted father King Billaroth that's that's great although to be honest Bellaroth seems to be cuckolded a lot yeah

probably nightly I think nightly, I think that thing's open Do you talk to Bruce much? Yeah, Bruce. He's not much of a talker But everyone's in a while just to feel close to him. I'll go stand in the firestorms Fish toss fish toss. Yeah I'll go stand outside during fish toss you just feel his firestorms raining down, you know what I mean? Wonderful, that's really close to dead. Wonderful. Yes, yes, the Sky God Bruce is critical to the season of fishtosh. Many celebrations around food happen during fishtosh in honor of Bruce.

An honor is often the master of ceremonies, that said festivals. Yes, it's right. And a lot of times like during during the fire season People will hold up little little pieces of the fire and they'll they'll say in honor of Bruce They'll say Bruce and a lot of people think there's this weird thing where people think that people are booing him Uh-huh. It's not booing him. They're saying Bruce He's the boss. He's sort of yes. He's the boss of this Josh. Oh, wow. Yes, yeah, for certainly well He lives on Thunder Road, right? Oh wow now. Oh no, yes, he's the boss of this Josh. Oh, wow. Yes, yes, for certainly well, he lives on Thunder Road, right? Oh, wow

Now, oh no, yes, I I must let you know I've sure you've heard of Arnie and I'm I'm sure that you're angry at him for taking a short name But you must understand he is from a different world The house where their customs are different. No, do you have double my great feats on your world? Where their customs are different. Do you have double my great feats on your world, Awny? No, I'm gonna look at him. Come on. No!

I only heard of one of your feats. What's one of my feats? Leaving behind your wife and child. Damn! Well, you know, On food, that's a shameful feats. It's a shameful... That's worth like negative five feats right there.

Well, oh man, that really behind on feats. Although hey, first of all all that is a shameful thing accidental in my defense accidental, but you know what is a feat? Here's one of here's a plus in my feet column Traveled between dimensions. That's a pretty good one. That's a good. Yeah, I got one I sure you're negative four and I'm let's okay, all right, so I'm a negative four feet So here's okay, so somebody else keep track cuz I don't trust him to keep numbers. Oh, that's you're all right It down you're a negative I'm a negative four and I have to get 78 feats

Well, you have to have double my 38 feats in order to have a shorter name than me, so that would be 82 feats Okay, I trust you two feats. Okay, I trust you. Ready. So right around in that neighborhood. Cool. Why don't you finish? 76 with a negative five, but you would 81. Mm-hmm. Plus you've traveled between worlds and now you're 80.

You just have 80. I have to get 80 feats. Yes. 80 great feats of daring and strength. And do 100 just to give yourself a little bit of a buffer. Oh, boy. Just even it out to a nice simple center. How about for the first one you finished the sit-up you attempted last week?

I finished the sit-up. I mean, are the feats like on a scale of like how hard they are for the individual? No, that's just whatever. Yeah. Okay, here's one of my other feats. I have a daughter. Here's one of my other feats. I have a daughter. Like, okay, let's ignore the fact that I have accidentally felt through dimensional portal

and have not been able to see my daughter in almost a year, but I did bring life into this world. It went into a different world. That's kind of, come on, give me, gotta give me that one. So Arnard killed the hesitant cyclops. And you had a daughter had sex Yeah

Equal I'd say equal I had sex With Consequence That sounds I don't mean that perjuredively. That's does not sound good the way you said it Speaking of consequences, let me ask you a question. Yeah, if you had if you had sex with the like if you had sex with a demigod would you become a demigod? I don't know sir. You don't know If we had a four-way on this table right now. Yeah, would you be like part wizard part demigod part chump? Oh, yeah, whatever you want I do whatever you want really yeah You know what let's take a quick break. Let's take a quick break. I'm gonna think about things that I've accomplished.

We're gonna get some drinks. And, uh, our noranar, and I, we're gonna, we're gonna hash this out. I believe in that. No, we're gonna hash it out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no The Barley Foot, the Vermilion Minotaur. Here to give you your rumor of the week. There is a rumor going around that Gavin Dildo Hammer, Dwarven Bottleer, is currently setting sail for Migos, with a woman who's not his by-law wife. So, yeah, scandalous. If you like another rumor please come down to the

Vermilion Minotaur, purchase an ale or any other fine beverage and a rumor will come free with it. The Vermilion Minotaur, right on the every road at the base of McShingleshain Forest. Shingle Shane Forest. And we're back. Uh, look, Arnor. Hmm. I'm not, I'm never gonna have enough feats, the double year feats. Well, then lengthen your name again. So wait, I would have the only way I could walk away from this without getting

the living crap beaten out of me is to permanently go by Arnold. Still, yeah, stop calling yourself Arnie. Or remove one of the unnecessary me is and be Arnie camp Hey, yeah, that's right. I've got a full name though Arnie and you can that's longer I mean wife should I just always go with my full name well my full name is Arnor the warrior Arnor the warrior. That's right. That's what they named him when he was born. Yes A lot of choices in this man's life. Think about that for a moment. They really painted him into a corner. Yeah, right. Yeah, I mean I knew what I was Now Arnold yeah Guess Wayne is good to see you again, but it is good to see you as well. I know I've asked you before

Would you be willing to join me in my quest to defeat the Dark Lord? Guess Wayne's I would like nothing more. Yes. After I finish my 39th feat of killing the wild boar of Michingleshane forests. It's just that I asked after like the 32nd feat, you know, like, I've got the 31, 33rd. Yeah, sure, sure, yeah. I thought I'd be just getting touched with me, you know, after I do the 39th. Okay, I'll just see where I'm at. Yeah, obviously. So you're like, you have to be like a window.

Like how much do you take a break between feats? I'm usually kind of planning my next feet while I'm doing the one before it. Oh, wow. Cause it's like, you just, you know, the way I live, it's different than a normal job, you know, I just kind of gig to gig, you know. Oh, sure.

You kind of have to line up your next gig, you know, while you're doing the set. Like, because you never know what's gonna come next. Yeah, you don't know when the feats are gonna stop, you've got to get them in while you got you know, yeah Absolutely right. What is the most feats in the all history of food that anyone has accomplished? I mean 38 38 Wow, you got the record. Yeah Yeah, that's why I was gonna rip you head off. Oh my god. You said or how many feats do you have? Upwards of four with how am I gonna have it it all right? I do have another one though. I

Defeated a soul walker That's right we defeated a sweet defeated a soul walker, but I was mostly my rock Whoa, I actively erased the thing on his forehead. I mean it I defeated him too soon We could have got more information out of it. That counts. That counts. That's huge. You're negative three. You're negative three. That's huge. All right. Why did you mention you had sex before you defeated a soul walker?

That's a good point. It was like, what are my feats? Well, like sex once. Yeah. That's always the first one in my life. How many times a day do you have sex on, or? It's hard to count. It is hard to count. I don't agree. That's true. Arnor, do you have any children? Because you've had that's by all the one Countries you should have. Oh, that's the one thing you should have.

I don't believe it. You've had because you've had a lot of sex. He fires blanks. Oh, the one injury I've endured When I fought the flesh- flesh eating buzzards of scare They did pick it my flesh Just one part of it And they left him mark I don't I don't want to try your bad with you. What is he doing? My you look at your guests to the face you say balls?

I mean, I don't I don't believe this guy just rude you believe this guy Believe it. Let's go outside and pass it. No, no, no Pass it there would it wouldn't be any fun art for you are no right like look at me. You could beat the shit out of me I don't know can I you had a baby Look Okay Look at me, you could beat the shit out of me. I don't know, can I? You had a baby. Ha ha ha. Look. Okay. Okay, okay. I just gotta get, I just gotta get to 80 feet.

I have, where am I at now? You're negative three. Cause you defeated a soloccer. You started negative five. You defeated a soloccer and you had a daughter, only one daughter. I killed a flower. Negative two.

Oh, that's right, yeah. Yeah, she's back. Man, it's hard. Yeah. Do you have any advice for like getting your your feet stats up? Probably should start with some crunches or something. I know. More crunches. Hey, I'm up to I'm up to four crunches every more. I'm used to or can you, um, I know I don't want to I annoy you Can you make a tiny horse with the top hat? Oh, no, that's not the way it's all maybe you just break its neck or something like you kill a tiny horse? No, no, but would my act of mercy and not killing it be considered a feat the feats have to be violent No, no, no I am we counted you having a daughter. Yeah, I rebuilt the bridges of great tax in one day one day

There's my feet. Yeah, just pushed over some trees. He freed the slaves a torrent Uh-huh by going and and sternly talking to the the emperor there That was in violence that was just eloquence and negotiation exactly Have you freed any slaves no okay I Directed a video game what video game Smiley it's mildly popular on my world. I don't want you to talk about earth stuff. I Am going to broker a piece here. Oh, all right, please I understand here. Oh, alright, please. I understand that we must defeat the Dark Lord, and in order to do that, I must gather the best and the strongest and the brightest Arnor. That includes

you, the Great Warrior, and Arnean Ecamp. That includes you, this traveler from another world. Only together can we defeat the darkness that is ever encroaching upon us threatening to destroy life as we know it for if it is loud to go on without anyone to question it to keep it in check. Surely we shall all die in it hands. And me too. And chunt. Don't forget chunt.

I can help. Of course you can chunt. So I ask you for the sake of all of food to make some peace with one another. How about this? Would you consider an extension of time? Just give me a little time to build up my resume and if I can't in like half a year, then we'll figure this out then. Oh perfect. I have a magical extension form here. Oh no. Yeah, just is that all right with you? You might have it signed in Borne and Bear Blood. No, yeah. Yeah, you sign right here. And then Arnold, you signed right here. Okay. And then initial here. Why does my his doesn't have initial shut up initial here okay and then there's two

initials on this page date that I don't know that today's date I don't know yes that is today's that's a big deal if it's not today's date today is January 3rd yeah that's right all right good Yeah, there we go. So there, uh, uh, a, a, a, initial there. Okay. Initial there. Mm-hmm. Initial there. Mm-hmm. Do backwards initials here. Uh, okay.

And then, and then spit on it right there. Uh, you want that? Do you want me to kill you right now? No, I'm not. You just sit on it. It's a month extension. Oh, that's the weirdest sound I've ever made. Terrible. I don't know, ston- I'm a little, you've really, like, I'm the weirdest sound I've ever made terrible

I don't know stomp. I'm a little you've really like I'm terrified so I'm real dry Okay It is done you've been granted an extension I will return and if you have not doubled my feats I will rip your head from your body if you could do that during chance night, I mean ticket sales would be through the roof. Think about it, sleep on it. Awesome, cool on me. So Arnor, I really appreciate you giving me a time extension.

And I think I can in a half years time build up my feats or maybe have figured out a way to get back to Earth. And we can, don't have to worry about this at all. No, just a heads up. My feats are gonna be up to you by then. So you better throw on that. What did you like time to feet ratio generally? I generally wanted to a month. You know what I mean?

I wanted to a month. I wanted to a month, yeah. There must have been a span of time. How old are you? I don't even, I don't think I could figure the math out. That's an inappropriate question for the warrior. There's enough. Yeah, that does.

Danny. Okay, okay, and we'll figure this out in half a year's time. Your feet sticking your foot in your mouth. That is true. That is true. Do okay. Can I take that one? No.

No, damn it. Can I ask you something real quick? When you, when those vultures Pecked at you. I'm so sorry to bring that up. Thank you for being vague though. Yes Did that count as a negative feet did that? Did you have a no as an extra feet? Oh, cuz I took it Yeah, I was So it's a terrible torture and came out on the other end Oh, yeah, yeah

Champion yeah, that's a big deal man. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The champion. Yeah. That's a big deal, man. That's true, yeah. You've got to get something for that. And if I understand what happened, it's also a feat that you're able to continue to have sex. Even the, I mean, you can't have kids.

Who is this guy? Yeah. Who is this guy for me? I mean, honestly, I have no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Honestly, now nobody appropriate conversation. Fair enough. Let's raise some emails here. I have, you can email me at chantdgmail.com.

That's chant with 60s. Here's an email from Alison Smith. Alison says, she wrote, who was tankin' the, in the, in the, Oh, great, yeah. You said, it's called the subject line? Yes. Great. She says, I think you should stop being such a bitch to Arnie.

Oh, wow. Damn. He's a sweet man and it just feels like he don't value him as a friend. Take it for me. Good friends are hard to find And you shouldn't push them away because you're scared of getting hurt. Thank you Allison Smith And it sounds like there's some backstory. I'm you're interrupting me. Sorry. I bet you worry that someday He's going to find his way home and leave you but all the more reason to make the most of the time you have together Also, you can tell him that if his wife has moved on I'd love to maybe get a drink with him. I'm a chubby chaser. And you know nothing ventured, nothing gained.

What's a chubby chaser? Oh, thank you, Allison! A chubby chaser on my world is someone that is into people of more ample stature. Not, that works, I wonder if they can do that. Exactly. Are you still a big fan of Alison Smith? Yeah, Alison, and Alison, I hope that there's a subtext of sadness in your email,

and I hope everything is okay with you. Alison, thank you very much for your email, and we wish you the best. And also, Chun, look, if you're worried about me leaving this world and us not being friends, if you're worried about me leaving this world and us not being friends, you know, if I do leave this world, I want you to come with me.

Come to Earth, you'll love it. I, yeah, I'd consider that. I want to see me, buddies, in this world or the next world, we'll figure something out. I'm not gonna abandon you. Okay, thank you. Well, you're just gonna leave me here. But I am gonna use the door.

You sons of bitches. I'll read one more email. This is from Helena Catherine Schaefer. She writes, is this real? And then she says, hey, Sean, you seem like a cool guy. What was the worst part about having that free loader living with you? That's what she means.

I think she means you. She's made the choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy choppy chop I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna end all sad because I feel like we've set a new foundation for friendship and and I'll say that You're not a freelutter. It was wonderful having you living with me. If you want to come back I just asked that you you know clean up after yourself parents and and don't Doing pretty good staying here. There are a million. Thank you. Yeah, of course. All right. Let's see what emails I got if you want to email me you can always email me at Magic Tavern, at puppies, that supplies. It is a real email address. This one doesn't have a name signed to it, but it says, you are constantly correcting

Chunt and Yucidor that your name is Arny, and not Arno, this is very appropriate, is Arny and not Arnold, but you are always interrupting Yucidor and making fun of his name. Maybe you could point. It is a good point. Maybe you could point. It is a good point. Maybe you could come to a compromise where if you stop being a dick and making fun of

Yusidor, those guys will stop calling you Arnold. Probably not. Probably not. No, I'm gonna do whatever I want. How about this? In the, we've dealt with names and the consequences real heavily today. And I feel like I've learned an important lesson. Also, I can't think of a new funny thing to say during your name.

Did you think of one to begin with? One, I thought of one funny one and one not so funny one. If I stop interrupting your name at the beginning, will you refer to me as Arnie? I wrote this contract a month ago. Yes. Fine, it is agreed. Alright, so sign here.

Alright. Initials over here. Ornor, have you ever chased a chubby? No, it's gonna take me a long time to do this in a chubby. No, I'm still not sure what then means. Yeah, with Chubby Chaser. But Chubby, you've chased a chubby? If you're, if you're sure what that means. Yeah, with Chubby Chaser. But Chubby, you chase a Chubby? If you're, if you're a thing that you're into,

is sort of people that maybe have a little more meat on their bones. Just like. And so people are not, or has a ton of meat on his bones. Is he Chubby then? Yeah, I got a lot of meat. No, you have all those muscles.

You see Chubby? No, it's more just like, oh, overweight. So much meat on those fingerians. Were they? Were they count? Oh, yeah. Oh, so you did. So my, much meat on those fingerians. Were they? Were they count? Oh, yeah. Oh, so you did? So my idea.

You're a chubby chaser. I still can't get over it. A seven-year-old child just killing all those people and eating them. They wanted to fight. I feel like that must have- You're a food of fighting. I mean, that's a big deal as a kid, you know?

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, for me. N-E-A-G-F. Okay, now initially here. All right, it's gonna keep it busy for a while. I think I found a new thing to keep, use it or really busy. Okay, one more email. Ernie, great to see you and Sarah at Thanksgiving.

What? This is from, oh this is from my brother-in-law, Matt Cordania. Who emailed us recently. Ernie, great to see you and Sarah at Thanksgiving. Congrats on the new fitness regimen. I hardly recognize you. Thanks for explaining the podcast is definitely not real. I was worried.

See you at Christmas, Matt Cordania. This is definitely my brother-in-law's email address. Did you meet up with Sarah at some point? No. Oh, then it's a new guy and it sounds like he's better built than you I mean Either this is a joke or there is Probably just a double gang that's taking your place in the other world no big deal you can move on now any A.G. Oh, it's initial there and

Yeah, well the part that makes me real suspicious is the new fitness regime. That also makes me suspicious. It's definitely not you. Alright, well Matt, I'm sorry I also missed Christmas. Email me, let me know what's going on. This guy is an imposter. He did email you. Now email me again. It seems pretty clear what's going on. A memory Grimmlin has snuck into Earth and is fucking your wife. Oh no, I didn't.

And who knows how many feats he's making right now. Oh, and a... A... He might have made a daughter. Oh boy. Alright, and then initial there. Oh boy, you who... That's you.

Having trouble remembering them all? It's funny, the stronger I get, the stronger my urge to tell you that none of that really happened. No, no, it was just some human actors avoiding commitment and obligation by role-playing with their adult friends. Chant was played with barely suppressed rage by Adel Rathai, what's wrong Adel, all your flannel at the dry cleaners? Usador the Blue was played with barely suppressed acting by Matt Young.

R nor the Great was played by special guest Blaine Swen. Blaine is the founder and director of the improvised Shakespeare Company. Learn more about their fully improvised plays in Elizabethian style at improvise-shape-spear.com. O-Talk Barley Foot was played by Nick Bair. Craig, that's enough. Are you ready to take over with the rest? Sure thing. I think I'm starting to get pretty good at this part.

Sing it. Sing it from E Craig. Sing the rest of the information. Wait wait what? Oh I am serious I am deadly serious. Oh okay uh hello from the magic tavern is produced by Arne and E Cap. Evan Jacover and Rhine DeGeorgie. This episode edited by Evan J.Cover. Music by Andy Polin. We'll go by Alan Spont. Visit us on Twitter. Visit us on Facebook. And by a shirt.

From MagicTever.nrberties.com. Sponsored by cards against humanity via the Chicago Podcast Cooperative Learn more at ChicagoPodcastCoop.com Thank you Craig, I'm going to make a million with that on Pandora The Weird Planet with all the blue catapult weird planet with all the blue path people.