Hello From The Magic Tavern - 51 - Baron Ragoon

Episode Date: February 26, 2016

This week I meet my first Foonish baron. Also my first baron!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBaron Ragoon:Chris RathjenBlemish: Martin WilsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiTricia:  Kate JamesKern: Spencer HamProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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store for designers. Learn more about Carvy, their new 3D Carving Machine at Inventables.com. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Arnie Neacamp. If you haven't listened to the podcast before, this is the business. About like one week shy of a year ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king into the fantastical world of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the burger king through the dimensional

rift and I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here on this table, in this tavern, on this table, on this very table, in this very tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of phone. And I'm joined as always by my buddies, my favorite people in phone. Yusudorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Realm of Ephesians, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Medical Lights, The Hour of Chaos, Champion of the Great Hose of Caracas. The elves know me as Fying Yalek, The dwarves know me as Zoning in Hookstangies, and I am known in the North East as might as many as my name and

There may be other secret names you do not know yet, and I'm throwing it to chant I'd like you to introduce me, please Hey, baby. It's chants chants up with that pun It's terrible. So this is the table that the podcast happens this That's terrible. So this is the table that the podcast happens this in Future generations will come to look at this table where the podcast hello from the magic tavern was recorded every week Why a thing that saved all of food and moved The this table so food it will have it will have had saved all of food and it will Have advanced the understanding of reality in my world. Also, I want to say about Gastmianas.

It comes at the very end of your name. So the challenge is that I feel like I always feel like I've missed it. It's like, you're getting all the way through your name and I'm like, oh shit, I think I miss Gastmianas. And then it happens that I'm like up It's at the end. Do you have on earth? Do you have what's called first world problems? Yes, yeah, that's a this will be called a first world Problem great that you don't know when to interrupt someone with the joke gas my anus. Chuchu. Yes You're a good friend. You're a good friend. I have some news. Oh, I

You're a good friend. You're a good friend. I have some news. Uh-oh. I am once again courting my good lady friend Jen Levy. Oh Congratulations. Yes, we're dating again. I believe that this time we won't pull any wizardly tricks on each other but you never know for I am capable of anything. So how did you guys reconnect and how do you like how are you what's going on I was looking in my mirror and she appeared in my mirror and said you up so it was like a booty reflection did you say one of magic box and chill she did say that as a matter of fact how did you know because I've had a lot of girls say that to me You want to I have a magic box and like you want a magic box and chill and I'm like yeah, so it's you know We are not putting labels on it

Well while speaking of labels are first guest our first guest our guest We only have one guest this episode. What is wrong with you today? I'm really I'm sorry I'm very lucky lost like 30 pounds. I have been working really hard. First of all, thank you. Yeah. I've been working really hard trying to get this lunar sword. And it's exhausting. And I'm kinda like hurt.

I am achy, like between the exercise of my body is not accustomed to. And just fighting, clacks, the skeleton all the time. And like, I always beat him now, but kind of sometimes beats the shit out of me, and I just need like, I'm sort of thinking, I wonder if I trade in all this old rusty armor and the weapons I got, if I can get a health potion or something? You know that once you beat him, you're not supposed to churn around and immediately leave the dungeon, right? I know, I know, but it takes a long time and I'm exhausted after I beat him. I'm like,

all right, see you tomorrow of Clacks. Well let us know if you ever want some companionship and we're happy to help you out. Oh really? Yeah. Would you guys help me in my dungeon crawl? Oh I know all sorts of spells and I have my sword with me and we'll ride Grimhoof there and all sorts of shenanigans shall happen along the way. Yeah, and I'm pretty powerful for my size. Yeah, okay, yeah, let's, I mean, it's a day. I mean, part of it was I wanted this to be my thing. If that makes any sense, like, I know people give me a lot of shit for not doing anything here and part of me was like,

if I can do this, if I can get the lunar sword, but I mean it's more fun. It's more fun. Dungeon fight. Dungeon fight. Dungeon fight. I think it's very mature of you to realize that you are not capable of asking for the help that you need. Speaking of mature, can we introduce our first guest? Yes, we're about to do that first of all Oh, yes, that's a long time ago. I'm so sorry. We are joined by Baron Ragoon. Baron Ragoon, yes. Thank you so much for having me join you here at this lovely table in this charming tavern.

You are being here. Now, I have to ask just because of Princess Philip, is Baron a title or is that a Baron is my title? Great. I am the steward of the Shrike Valley. Oh wow. Now it's a very, we're very honored to have you at our table this evening. I've heard tales of the Rgun family for many decades now.

Oh, well that's very kind. Very kind of you to say. I'm very nice to hear. I mean, obviously the Rgun family has had some rough times, you know, the south in general has, but we're back. Shrike, we're back. That's the message I've got for folks. I'm sorry, I'm relatively on having given up on Shrike. I'm sorry, I'm relatively new to this world. I've only been here one week shy of a year.

What's the hardships that the Shrek Valley has had? You know, we've had better days. When I was a young boy, we were still part of the overall kingdom of Grin Fowen and Good Queen Elsonore, but she passed away and then that whole kingdom fell. We don't have a king of our own now. You know, her heirs are trapped sleeping in that hedge maze, so I don't think anyone's going to be getting through that. It's a bit of a mess, frankly.

It was very, very casual kingdom, even when I was a kid. But since I have become barren, I have tried to get folks back on their feet and active again, you know. That's great. So you're really just trying to do your best for the Shrike Valley. Yeah, yeah. And you know, any surrounding areas who choose to join the Shrike Valley

under my noble guidance, of course, will be more than happy to help. I've been a leader since I was seven years old. Wow. Very impressive, young man. That's a very impressive. That's a lot of people like Shrike when they're like younger. I feel like Shrike appeals to a lot of kids. I'll go ahead and say that I had miserably unhappy childhood. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear. I'm sorry to hear. Yes, when I was seven I saw my parents, the Baron and Baroness. They were devoured by s'mores in front of my eyes. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Wow. I'm gonna have to ask how I hate them.

Oh, if I could just capture enough of them, I could have some soup in my pot tonight. Some soup in your pot tonight? In my pot, pot. You know what, I just realized, though, I could have some soup in my pot. There's nothing stopping me. I'm gonna have some of this fruit in the middle of the table here.

Sorry, I just ordered some little hanging fruit for the table. There's nothing stopping you from having soup in your butt. No, I- It's not besides just the desire to do it. It hadn't occurred to me until Chant brought it up, but I suppose I could. May I ask, is this a wizard thing? I know you've got your packing a little extra room down there. Yes, there isn't any Indian in outy. It's very true.

I've never done it before. But why not? Yeah. So, Baron, I'm just curious to hear, like, what are some of the good things that you've done for Shike? Oh, well, before I came of age, we had no military to speak of.

A lot of young men and women without any ideas of what to do with themselves. No structure. No structure. That's right. People would just make about as much food as they needed and then they would go and laugh and play on on hill sides. Seems kind of nice. Well, I mean, you know, one day that's good and then like two days, that's kind of nice. And then a week you're like're like oh now I need a break from running on hillside We're trying to you know add a little more structure to To life in the strike of alley by cheating the natural sloth of humanity So what's your then what is your vision for strike then?

I hope to have up to What's your, then what is your vision for Shrike then? I hope to have up to 200 men at arms by the end of the year. And you know, just make it a place where people feel safe. Sure. Well, not safe per se, but instead of wondering if your children are going to be like kind of kidnapped by woodland creatures, you just know that no, they will not be kidnapped by woodland creatures.

Members of the Baron's Guard will come and get them at the appropriate age and put them to work. Oh So it's sort of like hey your kids are not in the hands of wild animals They're in you know indentured servitude right except for the members of a guard who are wild animals. Well, what? So you're conscripting these children into your service at a young age? And not letting them come to their natural demise? Yes, I think that's a good description of what we're doing. Look, I know. I'm torn.

We've got a lot of pushback on this, but as a child, my parents died. I was kind of raised by C. Nileman's servants. There was a very creepy jester by my castle. And that's redemot. Yeah. And all I wanted was structure, you know? And I'm happy to say that I've found it now. Do you, it sounds like you found it and created it?

Yes, sort of for everybody. Yeah, you know, it's a circle. It's a circle. I mean, if any of you are looking for a little more structure, you know, come on down to Shrike. Am I correct that you're a shapeshifter? Did I hear that? I am, yeah, I am. You know, we can get you any form you want. Just say the word, we'll bring someone in.

Could you make me a crap? Yeah, no, we I can make you a crab probably tomorrow so I could be wow I can what? Crab we do it crab now you could do it. No, that's my you go ahead crab bragoon I'm I don't know what that means. I'm afraid. I don't I don't catch that No, you're being very good fair enough now if anyone at this table needs structure It's a good friend to Arnie. Yeah. I heard you mentioned you were going on a quest.

I'm going on a quest to get a lunar sword. No, no, where is this lunar sword at? It's in a dungeon. It's actually very close to here. It's just on the outskirts of Hogsface. Uh-huh, and anyone could go into that dungeon and get an incredibly powerful lunar sword. Is what I mean? I mean, yes, but you have to, oh, it's very dangerous though.

Right, but say like a company of men led by a battle hardened commander could probably make some good distance through their crabs. Seem to reach it. Well, yeah. No, I think what would happen is that it's closed. Oh, it's wide open. You can just go in there, run, run, and sacked through the whole place. Take whatever you want. Please, please. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no talk about the lunar sword until he's gone. Let's wait till we're beyond Ragoon. Did I, uh, you, you, you sure you're a wizard, correct? I am the wizard.

Yusadal, the blue! Oh, are you looking for work right now? We've got, uh, I mean, we've got a pretty decent court magician in, in track, but, you know, just a human, just knows a little bit of spells. I mean, we were able to watch, uh, mittens, but, um... You would replace some sorcerer human with our true wizard. I mean that, hell of an upgrade, right? Uh, that's good point. But, uh, but I- They have a talking donkey in Shrike. They do? Yes. It nobody respects it. I would love to see that. You know old Billy? Yeah. I hate that dude. He's obnoxious. Yeah, it's sort of like a comfort food

conversation though. You know, sometimes a rainy day, you just go and you watch that donkey in his antics and you know, can I ask you something? Just straight up. Like hypothetical question. Yeah. You're walking along a path. Uh-huh. Dark Lord pops out. Whoa. He puts up his hand for a high five. Are you meeting him for the high five? Are you high-tilling out of there? You know I'll be on his presence. If the Dark Lord put up a hand to high five, I would probably just lose my mind.

But once I stopped fanning out, yeah, I would love to high five out. Yeah. He's a fan boy. Oh, fanning out, like a fan. A couple of things I need to respond to here. First of all, it would be a high Seven worth a dark Lord. Oh good point. Yeah, this guy. This is another fan right? It's not not a fan how dare you sir?

How dare you and no I will not take your position as your Courts wizard for I have a purpose and my purpose is to destroy that dark Lord. It is all I was brought into food to do I kill that donkey to I might kill the donkey. I oh, you know what this is my fault You know, I know I should have known better than to you know discuss politics I'm just kind of out here in hogs face trying to kind of shake some hands getting some more visibility for for Shrek But you know you're against the Dark Lord, I'm forum. We don't need to let that ruin our team. We absolutely do.

Well, you know what I love. I agree to disagree. It sounds like we actually have a lot to talk about here, but let's take a quick break and we'll get to the bottom of exactly what's going on with the Dark Lord and Baron Regune. Blemish returns. This is Bllemish from the Vimeleon Minita with your rumor of the week. There is a rumor that Chiu Chiu's chow has been linked to a horrifying stomach virus

from serving rancid fat nuts. If rumors are to be believed, you must run to the Vamilian Minita, which is under new ownership and management. Vamilian Minita at the base of Michingleshane Forest. All right, and we're back with Baron Ragon and Chant. Okay? And just a small, not a big deal, but Yisidor was not happy that we have a guest who's pro the Dark Lord and he stormed out, but you know. Oh, you know what? I get it when I was a kid. I heard nothing but bad things about the Dark Lord. Mm-hmm. You know, but I found myself in a real dark place in my life.

Sure. Um, and I just opened up my heart to the dark lord and he walked in. Uh-huh. Uh, and it was, it was a, it was transformative. It changed my life. It was like he were killed again. Uh, it was like, it was like all of that saddened. I felt like, oh, I wish I could die.

Yeah. And then I was like, oh, I have and it didn't make a difference. Yeah, you, it's like, hey, I wish I could die. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, I have, and it didn't make a difference. Yeah, it's like, hey, I found everlasting death with the Dark Lord. Yeah, I mean, it does what it says on the package. Sure. Sure. Well, I'm sort of weird, not sure where we should go from here.

Like, I don't know if I want to spread Dark Lord propaganda. Yeah, I mean, this one, I think we just get to... Oh, prop propaganda, but I want to spread Dark Lord propaganda. Yeah, I mean this one I think we just get it. Oh, prop, prop, again, but I'm not here to spread propaganda like the Dark Lord does not need me going out and and tooting his his many you know fell horns. Sure. I'm just. Oh, well yes, yes, I mean I haven't seen him in person but in my dreams when he visits, there are many horns. Well, I think we just try and get a known as a person. Yeah, let's just keep it real.

Here's what you, you know, look, in my world, sometimes you, you know, you're stuck at a table, usually around a holiday with someone who you do not agree with politically. And then you just try to keep the conversation real surface. Yeah, yeah, the like, you always have have that one like grandpa who like loves the dark lord Yeah, how in this day and age do you like the dark lord? Yeah, and you know what you're not gonna change that grandpa. Yeah, you're not gonna make that grandpa have different opinions on the dark

And you know that grandpa is not gonna change your opinions about the dark world. Yeah, keep it surface Well, it's like old Billy used to tell me in the morning. I'm making waffles What? So um, I love Billy's wife. So tell me in the morning I'm making waffles What so um, I love Billy's Baron yeah, well Baron, uh, do you tell us about your family? So you come from your parents were murdered? Yeah, I'm a devoured by smorps in front of me great small talk. Yeah great small time I know it's not easy. Um, uh when when I turned 17 I took the servants who had been raising me. Whose intent I was unclear on, and I locked them

in the dungeon. Ooh. Oh, I mean, this was after I had my moment. This is where I suddenly, I was like, what am I gonna do? And then I heard the voice of our Dark Lord and his hot breath and his overgrown fingernails resting on my shoulder. And I saw what I needed to do. So, you know, killed or imprisoned, that jester is still alive,

but let me tell you, he wishes he were not. And then, you know, I went out and I found myself a wife, you know, Shrike Valley. You met a wife or you found yourself a wife? I found myself a wife, you know, Shrike Valley. You met a wife or you found yourself a wife? I found myself a wife. You know, she was a peasant woman, a very, very beautiful. It was simply a matter of killing her sweet heart and bringing her to the castle. Ooh, small talk is not small here. Yeah, he is a bad dude.

And you know, obviously after obviously, after, after, her lover was dead, then there was like that kind of the, she, she had one, her father was always left with, and there was that threat of like, oh, what are you gonna do in my dad? And I was like, nothing, just come on over. Uh-huh. But, so that was, uh, that was our fairy tale, uh, beginning. Sure.

Um, and I gotta say, like, 10 years later, we love each other more than we did on the day of our marriage It would because it would be art not to know she she did not care for me there at the beginning But but she's opened her heart to the dark Lord. Oh, you know, we we regularly feel his presence in our marriage Often in the in the marriage bed marriage, often in the marriage bed. Oh, boy. I don't know how much longer I can sit here. I feel like I have soup in one of my books.

Yeah, you know, on the one hand, this story is so depressing. I don't want to hear more about it. And yet, you know me, as soon as he talked about the dark Lord being in his marriage bed, there's a part of me that wants to know more. Yeah, by. Well, I mean, sometimes, sometimes it's just like a feeling you have. And then where is that feeling? Oh, well, you know, sometimes, sometimes it's just like a feeling you have. And then where

is that feeling? Oh, well, you know, depends on the day. Sometimes is in your heart, sometimes a little lower. Sure. If it were a soup, where would you feel it? Oh, yeah. No, it's, it's but soup if that's what you're, oh, great. Fantastic. Yeah. Other times one or I'm, I suppose maybe both of us, but, you know, sometimes one of our eyes will go all black and we'll start chanting in the dark tongue. And let me just, this X is great. But, you know, then the next morning, no one will remember what happened. Well, the person whose eyes were not black. You can busy chun.

What? You can busy chun. Oh, okay. Hey, can you, I have still a few low hanging fruits in this ball. Arnold, do you know how to juggle? Uh, you know what? I've never tried. Down here. But with the dark lord, anything is possible. Yeah, get a shot.

Just grab some of those slow hanging fruit. All right. Is this, uh, toss one up? Oh, yeah, hey, I'm not bad, huh? Yeah. You said I want one. I've made myself one with the shadows underneath the table. You're just hiding underneath the table.

I've made myself one with the shadows. Okay fair enough. I'm going to listen in and get any information. I can't about a dog hold so keep him talking. So we've got four kids, four beautiful kids. And I don't want to. And then I have six more bastard children. Okay. Do you call them that? Yes. Yeah, what a treat for them. Yeah well I mean the thing about bastard children is like they're better than strangers than less good than Then you know legitimate children sure, but when you're I don't know how it is for you But when you're a nobleman bastards are the best. They are so eager to please like it's just in their head That they're not good enough. You can get him to do anything. Wow, interesting.

Arnie, this guy sucks. I know. What's he got him to do? Ask him what he's got to do. He's so stubborn. Stop. I don't, I look this guy is evil, but also you're fucking under the table.

We can all see. I'm sorry. Oh, excuse me, what's going on here? I don't, what, don't. I don't look under the table. You know what? I love getting out and interacting with common folk. I really do. You don't look under the table. Am I doing it right? I think so.

I don't want but soup to be a thing. You don't want but soup to be a thing? Yeah, that's the other thing. I just don't want it to become a thing. So when you saw your wife's face, were you a believer? I was, yes. So when you saw your wife's face, were you a believer? I was, yes. I ask him what sort of things he's done to help the Dark Lord. What sort of things have you done to help the Dark Lord? Oh, I'm going to be honest.

I'm sort of guessing what he wants. Sometimes I'll dream. I'm at his Dark Up City in table and hear his plans. I mean, is that a dream? Is that a vision? But in the morning, I'm just like, you know what? I need to fix a road, you know Infrastructure is kind of what I'm all about. Can I ask you say you're guessing at what he wants? Didn't the dark Lord Supposedly write a book that says oh you're supposed to do the site. Yeah, yeah, I mean are you gonna?

Are you gonna touch that because? Well between you and me if I I recall the bad book the bad book you got to live by the bad book but uh here's the secret you can never read the bad book you just need to take everyone else's word for it what's in them and that I think is the secret of faith is not actually reading and what's the secret to defeating the dark lord like the seaheemity weaknesses or like pet peeps well you know uh it's kind of, we've all got weaknesses, right? You know, I don't know about boys and barriers mine. Boys and barriers?

No, just boys and barriers. Okay, you've got a weakness for boys and barriers. As I say, you're under arrest. Can someone pass my drink out of the table? Why is it our fucking chill? So boys and barriers to weakness, what would be the Dark Lord's weakness? Uh, you know what? I really respect about him. Does not tip his hand on that. Like if he were here, he would not

say about maybe he can't tip his hand. Oh, interesting. He can't tip his hand. He's dead. He's dead. That intel. I don't think that's real information. He's getting great. Intel. By the way, I heard that there are some great pies here in town. Boys and Berry pies. Can you recommend Vorpal pies? Yeah, we have Vorpal pies. Yes.

My restaurant, Chuchu's Tchau serves them. Oh, great. Where you could go directly to Jack Vorpal's bakery. That's what's supposed. All right, great. Chuchu's Tchau, when you guys open, when are you open? I don't know anymore. I mean, I guess you should be there right now.

You're obviously... You know what, tell her what? Tuesday evening. We're open Tuesday evening. Oh, I am... Oh, I'm just gonna miss you guys. I'm not going to be in town still on Tuesday. Ask him to describe the dream more.

Describe the drink more. Dream, dream. Describe your dreams more. Yeah, so obviously I'd like to increase the size of my of Barony. Oh, maybe even get a port city to become a viscount. Sorry, wink.

Wink. Oh, have you ever been to Viscount City? I've. I hear it's, I'm so excited to get there, but you know, a lot of stuff to do here. When it's all done, I might take a vacation to Viscount City. Yeah. And it would be great to actually be, you know, nobility is great, but you know, every every parent wants to see, you know, their kids do a little better than them.

So even your bastard kids? No, they should do like, they should only do like a little less well than me. Yeah, never. Peter out. Yeah, that's the right level for them. I don't, it's down here. Down here. Well, you know, if one of my kids made my stuff one with the shadows.

That'd be great. Absolutely. I've made my stuff one with the shadows. I'm here under the table. What are they doing? Hey, look at my fingers over here. It's your paws already. You said the way I'm right.

I thought it was pronounced vi-count. Wait, isn't it vi- right? I thought it was pronounced vicar. Isn't it vicar? I don't know. Um, but, you know, to build a kingdom of my own here on Earth and then kind of oversee the end of days under our lord and destroyer, the Dark Lord. You know what, I'm sorry. Three strikes in your out.

I think you've spent too much, we've had too much evil on this episode strike the third You said or do not make that joke under the table Strike the third You want me to say that Baron Ragoon? I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Excuse me. I'm sorry I've never I've never I've never kicked a guest off before you've just done you're doing too much evil Well, okay, so how do you define too much evil? Um, I mean the fact that you said you had to go and find yourself a wife like that poor Ruggoon girl is like yeah Oh look trust me. She is so happy now

She she says stuff that I never think of it. She's like she's constantly whispering in my ears ways to like Expand our power like she's really gotten on board Well, yes, I did yes Yes, yes, oh you've been defeated. I made myself one with the shadows and I've been under this table the entire time Oh, you've been defeated. I made myself one with a shadow, and I've been under this table the entire time. Brought I am the master of light and shadow. And now you've been cast off! Are you the one who put this tack under my chair?

That's right. Man, you sound nice. Boom, baby. All right, well, I guess I'll leave. I'm sorry that this did not pan out. I was just coming over to say hello. I heard the Vermillion Minotaur was a place to meet people and make friends on the road.

I feel so bad here. Such a nice guy. So no, he's not, here's the thing. I'm from the Midwest, so I know the difference between nice and polite. He's very polite. I appreciate, by the way, how polite you are. Well, thank you very much.

Well, you're evil, so be gone. No, I have a question. The hunched figure behind the bars, either proprietor. Blenderish? Yes. It's currently the proprietor. Great. You guys just go ahead and do whatever you're doing here,

and I'll talk to him for a minute. This guy's going to team up with Blenderish. Who? Who? Wow, that was kind of intense and pleasant. And it happened at this table. At this very table, this historic table. We have defeated our second minion of the Dark Lord here at this table.

Today, it was just the four of us. Tomorrow there'll be more of us. Telling the four of us. Tomorrow there'll be more of us telling the story of tonight Squad goals John do you have any emails? I have this is an email from this is a bit of a long one so bear with me This is from Lucas La Protoza Says message from the distant land of Brazil Brazil Brazil, yeah, hey chant how are? After listening to all the episodes some more than once, I've decided to write an email with some questions and there's a question for each of us, so I'll try and, uh, clop through them here.

Uh, first is clop a mag and we'll figure it out. First of all, you and Arne are clearly out of your minds. If you should invite me to his quest, I would join in a heartbeat. You have a not that sure. So you should or I have a question for you. You said that the Dark Lord was a wizard that you met, right? But you didn't go into too much detail. heart beat. PS, I fucking love your name. That's not right, but thanks for guessing. Yes, I met him, you know, events and parties and whatnot. There are many wizards, you know, and we have a council once a year where we discuss important wizarding matters and he used to be one of our order.

Oh yeah. Uh, shunt. I have a serious question about your shape shifting abilities. In my mind, when you were born, you had some unique physical traits that shouldn't disappear. Maybe you had big ears. I don't know. So if you and Arnie followed that sexual tension between you guys, oh, hello, baby. And consummate your love, you should become a version of yourself in human form, not just a copy of Arnie, right? Yeah, I mean, I still have my distinguishing features. I won't go into too much detail. But yeah, you can always tell- You can always tell it's Chunt.

It's hard to explain, but yeah, when you see Chunt as a crocodile or a tiny horse, you just kind of recognize that it's him. Yeah, and finally Arnie, this email was supposed to be sent to you, but I couldn't get the email, right? I was thinking- Magic Havana, probably these that supplies? I don't know how hard it in mine is chun It gmail.com channel 16 I was thinking about something if you could figure it if you could figure it out a way to use the portal Would you rather go back to earth or bring Sarah and your daughter to live in food with you guys? I know there's a lot of child death, but she would be friends with the shape shifter and a wizard

You know what I would do I would bring Chant and Yucidor to earth. I would go to that bowderek universe Enough I'm I go to that Wild West universe, but I would absolutely Crash at your place. Yeah, man. It'd be fun and it'd be less dangerous. It'd be less dangerous Would be less dangerous. I don't think you said would So Earth is pretty there's no dark order violence or anything there I mean there's lots of violence especially in Chicago and I can only imagine it's gotten even worse inside of left but But I mean, you know

Guess I'd be safer. I don't know. I have to think about it. The answer is TBD What does TBD mean in fin total big dick to think about it. The answer is TBD. What does TBD mean in fin? Total big dick. That's right then. It's TBD. That's from Lucas LaPertosa directly from Brazil. Here's an email that I got.

If you want email me, you can email me at MagicTaver and at puppies.supplies. It is a real email address. And this is my audible response to the numerous emails I get all the time that are only asking if it's a real email address it is. But this email says, hi Arnie, I was wondering if you wanted me to recap

any television shows for you that you might be missing from Earth Television. Let me know, hello to Chant and Yucidor Don Zee. Hello. Hello. Sacramento, California. That's a very good question. I'm a big television watcher.

It's sort of a form of entertainment on Earth. And I miss a lot of shows. I'm really curious about what's going on with survivor and Game of Thrones and better call. Saw lots of shows, but I don't want to be spoiled on any of those shows. They'll still be waiting for me when I get back, but I am curious what happened on Season

2 of Extant. Also, what happened on Season 1 of Extant? So please send me an email about what's going on in Extant, and please take this seriously. I want to really know what's happening on Extant. Don't make up fake storylines about the Halle Berry Television Show X-Tan. Excuse me, I feel real bad about how stuff turned out. I just wanted to buy everyone around. Oh, wow!

Mead and a rainbow bowl and another mead and some goblin fire water for myself. I was just hoping we can just have a drink and all relax together. Thanks, Baron. Should we call you Baron or what do you... I mean, my friends, uh, well, my name is Shanglebirth, um, so you can call me Shanglebirth if you'd like. If that puts... That kind of still prefer Baron. Whatever, whatever you prefer. Um, but, uh, come on, let's, uh, let's have a toast to, uh, to Shrike everyone. Uh, Shrike's back to the...

liberation of strike i see what you did there that reminds me i would also love emails telling me what happened on the last season of strike back on cinematics uh... actually you know i i'm gonna work in a cap to kick you out again he just bought us a rick

you know but still is an evil guy but let you can you can sit let's do a quick segment of tavern takeaways which we haven't done in a while where everyone recommends things that people should check out. I used it all the blue. Recommend that you visit the town of winterdale here in fun and in winterdale there's a beautiful heavens mouth where you can see all the beautiful parts of heaven and angels fly in and out of there all the time visiting our world What about you Chant? Do you got a tap and take away? Yeah, I'd recommend at Cheachy's Chow. We're now serving instead of rainbow bowls We have rainbows. We just kind of sure miss so it's like a rainbow bowl in a shot

Oh And we light them on fire and there's a whole production a whole theatricality that you said or presents so check those out Yeah, it's beautiful. It's sorry to promote my mom. That's fine. Push my own layers here a snaggle bottom was that I'm sorry What was your first name? My first name was a shangle birth Shangle birth is difficult for you. You can stick with bear that's right shangle birth What what is your tavern takeaway? All right, well I think a takeaway that everyone should know is if you clear out five acres of timber, that'll give you some land and timber

to build a goblin barracks, a swordrookery, and also like so many axe handles. And follow question. Real problem. Boys are berries. You know what? Um, uh, ice trap chug. Who knows where this crazy road will take us? He's such a nice guy. Yeah, so nice.

Light. I can't help but sort of like it. A light. There's a difference. And my tavern takeaway is check out the book Devil in the White City. It's a delightful read about the history of Chicago and one of the most notorious serial killers. But you'll also learn a lot about the great Chicago exposition. Uh, I was gonna say thank you, Baron, but please go away. Alright, well, I'm just right over, right over the mountain, so uh, you'll see me again. Yes, yes we will.

Shrike is so close and I had never heard of it before. We're back. The Empire Shrikes Back. And so we arrive at another semi-organic conclusion that Oa seems to come right around the 35-minute mark. A fact that would be more suspicious if not for the fact that none of that really happened. Usador the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the shapeshifter was played by Adel Raphai. Baron Ragoom was played by special guest Chris Rathchin. Matt and Chris both perform in the improvised Star Trek podcast,

in case this one isn't off-putting enough for your muggle friends. Blemish was played by Martin Wilson with his own special brand of sarcastic self-doubt. Hello, from the Magic Tavern is produced by- Sorry to cut in, but I think you're gonna want to hear this, it's an update on Trisha. Trisha 8049? Yes, Craig, let's hear it. This distress call came in a few minutes ago. This is Kern. Is anyone out there? Is anyone out there?

This is Kern. I need some help. I... I'm interested in this girl, hypothetically, and I don't know quite how to ask her out, so if anyone can help me... Oh hey! Oh hey! Oh hey! Hi! What are you doing?

Hey! Hey! Just doing a distress call. I have very important space stuff. I thought you already did one this morning when you got up. Yes I did but you have to constantly monitor these things. Oh well I think I really like your hair today. Oh I'm going to have to take your word for it because I haven't seen it in what is now probably weeks.

So it looks very nice. Oh, that's sweet. Hey, I wanted to let you know that I think I grew something. Oh! I think I created something that might be edible. I'm not sure, but I think that maybe we should try to put some heat on it. Oh, yes, he did. We can, I don't know, bake dinner.

No, that sounds great. I'll get the candles out and we'll have a nice little dinner. Okay. You have candles? Have you had candles this whole time? I have a bulk amount of candles. I think like tonight we should itemize everything we have because candles would have been super helpful

like three weeks ago. Well, honestly, I only used them for, you know, special occasions, so... Okay. Just being the right mood. Well, it seems like Trisha 8049 is stranded in the grass-formed galaxy. Good, it'll be easier to keep tabs on her there. Also, am I crazy or was there a little bit of sexual tension going on? I guess.

I don't know, just kind of a fun vibe, maybe I'm reading into it. Okay, well, hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne E. Camp, Evan Jacoba, and Ryan D. Georgie. This one edited by Ryan D. Georgie, music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard LeBon, extra audio assistance by Jason Knox, sponsored by Inventables at Inventables.com and the Chicago podcast co-op at ChicagoPodcastCoop.com. Also a quick heads up to subscribers. The back catalog is going to be moved to a different server this week, so there's a slight chance that your podcasting app may try to download everything all over again,

so if you don't want that to happen, maybe go into your settings and change it to download just the most recent couple episodes instead of everything from last couple days. That way it doesn't... Because it might think their new... does that make sense? I don't know. I can't hear you anyway, so... sorry for the inconveniences, it surely happened once, but it just... be aware. We're listening to them all again.

I mean, they're fun. Great information, Craig. You know, I've been wondering how we could make this more like the iTunes service agreement. Well done!