Hello From The Magic Tavern - 53 - Tom the Nominee

Episode Date: March 14, 2016

Last we heard from Tomblain Belaroth, his role as Danlet earned him a nomination for a Tosser Award. Now he's back to tell us all about his experience on the Red Carpet.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungTomblain Belaroth: Steve WaltienBlemish: Martin WilsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Evan JacoverTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Fools of Earth do not be fooled into thinking you stumbled upon a major scientific discovery. The following podcast is not real, but it is really part of the ear wolf podcast network. Isn't that fun? It certainly makes it easier for me to hide the dangerous fact that there are worlds beyond our own. I mean not that, the opposite. Enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Darni Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is what's going on. A year and a week ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind

a Burger King in Chicago into the fantastical land of phone. I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through that dimensional rift, and I use it to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogg's face, in the land of phone. I interview Monsters, Adventurer, Royalty. At this table.

At this very table. That's right, I'm joined by my weekly co-hosts, Shunt the Talking Badger. Yeah, I actually do to the fact that I may not have long to live. I've actually, I wanted to add in sort of a direction in my intro. Okay. In my catchphrase, I want to add in.

So you guys will know the direction I'm giving you, I'm gonna ask you to do something cool. And when you hear me ask you to do something, I just ask that you do it. I just want to you know I just want to feel good about myself cool so could you ask me to introduce myself. Oh sure. Can you introduce yourself?

Mmm, chunt please clap. Oh, thank you. So you're just going to demand applause. Yes, chunt please clap. Chunt please clap. Okay. And I am Yusador, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of a Fesius Master of Light and Shadow, Minibiliator of Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos, Champion of the Great Holes of Tarakas, the elves Numiya's Fying Yalak, the dwarves Numiya's Zodyn in Hukestenges, and I am known

in the North East as Gassamwayne as my name. And friends, do you ever concern yourself that perhaps there are names that I have you have not yet heard? Good friend, listen to me now, for there are these names, and should you hear one of these names, please do not panic, please do not fear. For I will do everything in my power to protect you, but know that these names are dangerous. For words contain great power. And even hearing a single syllable of one of these names may destroy you from the inside. Oh!

Biscuit, Miniscus. Biscuit, Miniscus, as I am known to the bickers of Founeswell. Clap! I do not need your applause. For I am already the most accomplished wizard in all of fume. After Spentax. Nah, I suppose.

Well, Spentax is on Earth now. That is true. Yes, very good point. John, can I ask you, I just want to check in with you. Sure, we had some real heavy news last week. Yep, trying to remain optimistic. That's great. I love that you've got like such a cheery...

My goblet is hefful. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's great. For people who didn't listen last week, you found out. Are there people who didn't listen last week? But they're listening this week? Maybe. Who are these psychopaths?

Hey, don't know. I don't know either. How you doing with this curse? Again, I'm trying to remain positive. I did use doors on the lookout to see if there's anything to alleviate the curse. We'll cancel that out. I am searching high and low.

For I shall find some cure, some magical potion or hex, or incantation that shall set my good friend. Shunk free from this curse. Well, on my world, we have curses, and you usually reverse those curses by doing like the opposite of the thing that got you the curse. Oh, then I won't touch coins, idiot.

I did talk to you. I did talk to a coin. No, I did talk to, I have a friend, Allison, who's, she's a boo-hag. A boo-hag? A boo-hag? It's just sort of like a magical, like a lesser witch or something.

She's a boo-hag, which means she doesn't have skin, and she sits on your chest when you sleep and kind of sucks out your breath. But she was telling me that there's a way. What was her name again? Her name is Allison. Allison, okay. But she was telling me that there is a way for me

to perhaps prolong my life. So what I have to do is I have to drink the tea of a rusted root. Then I have to say one phrase over and over and over in that phrase. I couldn't begin to guess what that phrase is gonna be. It's send me on my way. Oh, okay.

Are there, are there, are there, are there? Sememoi. Sememoi. On my way. Try saying it. Sememoi. Sememoi. On my way. Oh, okay. Are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are, are there, are there, are there, are, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are there, are, are there, are North reaches of fume and these iron trees That roots rust and the magical properties of a rusted root are not to be ill-considered Arnie do not mock the rusted root. Okay. Can we get to our guess? That's one of my favorite. Oh, yes, of course Do you know how you can tell if a tree has iron deposits in it? How is that? No monkey will swing on it has iron deposits in it. How is that? No monkey will swing on it. Because those rusted roots have a way of saying

simian away. Oh, simian away. Simian away. Simian away? Simian away. All the way? Simian away. Simian away.

Hey, I'm so excited to have Tom the Traveler back. Yes, well, I think we all know what my real identity is. Tom Lane Bellaroth Prince of the Bellaroth Empire. And impossible winner of a Tosser Award. No, I am not. You're still Tosser nominated. I am like you, chun't, and I am cursed. What should you do defer new listeners.

What is the top? Like, you left the Northeast where you're the Prince. Yes. And you became an actor. I hid away to drop the role of Prince and become something else. And I joined a group called The Cockticklers. And a wonderful acting troupe. Yes. And then I played Dan Lett, which is a famous role, and I was lucky to be nominated for a tosser,

which is the highest acting award in Fune. The tossers were just recently. Isn't I, I thought there was some controversy that no other species was nominated, except for human? Do you have whites in your world? Do we have whites, they're undead, but they're mysterious. Oh, yes, yes.

Yes. W-I-G-H-T-S. Yeah, how else would you have whites in your world? Oh, I don't know. The tosses are dominated by whites. Sure. Because tosser, it's called that, because it's the person who can best toss off who they are and become something else. And that

people seem to think whites can do that very well because they're dead so they're blank slate. Sure. But you yourself are very good at tossing yourself off. Yes. I yes I frequently toss myself off. Does it take a lot of practice? Yes, I'm I frequently toss myself off does it take a lot of practice? Um, it can yeah, but I'm I've been trained by cocktailers But I went to the tossers and it was as usual dominated by whites and Can you do mind walking us through like what is the morning of the tossers? well Like how do you're getting ready for this award show?

The hardest part is the red carpet, which is a carpet that by the end of the night is soaked in blood. Oh, yeah. Because a lot of people are jealous of other nominees, and all weapons are allowed. Oh, really? That's why it's called the red carpet But the problem is that's why it's hard for someone like me. It's mostly whites. You can't kill them You can't kill a white because they are dead and we don't it's sort of mysterious as to what they even are And they look like people that used to know, but they're not those people their whites. Yeah, I do have to say though

It in defense of whites They can just walk through walls Festival very impressive on stage. I don't think that this is a proper time Culturally to be speaking in defense of whites. Yeah, I think it's time for whites to just listen Well, just because just because they're dead. It's not their fault. Yeah, but that's the thing about whites They're so they're so, they're martering themselves. The fact that it's like, oh, I'm dead. It's like, you know what?

You've got a lot of advantages, that's why. Yes, yes, anyway. So, those of us who are living have a very difficult time on the red carpet because we're the ones whose blood gets spilled. Well, there are many suicides after the awards this year. They're always are, yeah, because people take this very seriously. And I'm not, I was just thrilled to be nominated, and my mother is the presenter of the awards. And so I was going to reveal myself and stand up and tell them that I've joined Yusidore's

quest, and that I'm not, I'm rejecting being the king. Because I don't want to be. Not to put you on the spot, Tom, but I know everybody probably, you know, writes out of speech, even though they may not win, they have a speech tucked in there in their trousers or something. Do you, would you possibly mind reading the speech you had prepared if you would have won? Okay, yes. Is it still in your trousers?

Yeah, I think so. And the winner is Tom Belorath. Clap. Well, we say Tom the Traveller, because... Oh, Tom Belorath clap where you say Tom the traveler because oh Tom that's right the winner is that that's part of the speech for the role of Daniel it from the Cocktaclars Tom the trap you usually they just say the name first because if you Really takes away a lot of attention if it says from the Cocktaclars for the road of time then that stuff comes after and a tosser goes to Tom the traveler oh and then over the clap Oh my god, he won so

So then I would I come down and I would I would see my mum and I would get the award and then I would stand and I would say to her Do you recognize me? Do you? Do you? Do you? And then I would pull off my fake mustache. And I would say- I'm sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt Tom. Do you have that fake mustache in your trousers? Could you put it on the lid?

Yeah, could you put it on the lid? There we go. And the winner is Tom the Traveler. Clap. From the cocktail. From the cocktail. That's for the world of the time. Hello, I am not Tom the Traveler.

Hey, do I look familiar to you? Do I? Do I? I take off my mustache and pull it. You can see I'm doing it. I know you take it. Yeah, it's painful. It's me, mum, it's Tom Blaine.

And I'm back to tell you that I reject this throne. I reject this crown I am an actor now and who do I have to thank? I have to thank one girl Rianne She moves like a bell in the night who will be her lover? I like to be your lover Rianne and I thought of you every night during the kissing scenes of Danlet. I was actually talking to Riannin or his mother. No, I'm talking to Riannin. Oh, that's a nice, sorry, the milk made you.

It's a nice, I'm in love with the milk made. My father told me I cannot marry her. And that. I mean, I would understand. That's my mum. Can we, I'm so sorry, I got distracted. So Rian I would understand. That's my mum. Can we, I'm so sorry, I got distracted. So, Rian and will be there as well. Yes, I mean everyone in the kingdom of the Northeast would be at the Tossas. I mean everyone in the court.

So, Arnie, now I get it. Can we start over? Yeah, Arnie, could you stand up and play Rian and? Yeah, great, thank you. So, the winner for the Toss for best tosser goes to Tom the Traveler and then the troop of the Cactiqlers and the roll of damage. But this is Tom's third time nominated for a tosser and his first win. Do you recognize me?

Do you? Do you? How about now? There's probably a cast, probably. Yes, mum. It's me. Tom Blaine. Still to do so. But I've cast off the role of King or Prince of put aside my crown and my throne and I'm an actor now and

I to one woman. It's you Riannan me you move like a bell in the night, but who will be your lover? But do you really love me? Yes, and I wish to give this tosser to you. I'm so proud of you, you want an alanslide. I want you to put aside all the rumors that you've heard. Mm-hmm. And let's kiss each other now.

Oh, a tusk. What? I don't need a tusk. Tusses? Is there an elephant here? No, I mean, Tisk, Tisk. Ah, Tisk, classic. And that's what probably would have happened. But now I'm back and I've been depressed and I've been seeking out more glob. No, no Tom, you must not partake of the more glob. It is a dangerous substance, and though I do create this in so it's two people, I do not recommend using it.

Sometimes it's the only thing that will fill my whole of sadness. Why don't you try filling your hole with something else? Like soup. Yes, put some soup in your butt So now Rian and his in the northeast and I'm trying to send her letters But it's not easy to be in love at a long distance. Yeah. Oh, I'd understand your pain all too well You do yes my sweet wizard lover, that beautiful sorceress, Genelevia and I have been dating through Astral projection! You're dating through Astral projection? Yes, I'm not sure where she is right now,

but we're sort of like meeting on the Astral plate and just, you know, hanging out and being cool. From my experience, not any- We aren't putting a lot of labels on it. Is it, was it awkward to kind of, was it awkward the first time doing it in the Astro? For like, a lot of people are reticent about Astro play. I think I find,

then if you want to, then if you are a one up to it. If you are a tender, sure. And there, there's a lot of fun to be had in the Astro play. The first thing you got to do is bring it up as a joke. Right, exactly. You just, as if it's a joke. You just need to be the Astro Play. The first thing you got to do is bring it up as a joke. Right, exactly. You just, as if it's a joke Astro Play. And then he say, oh, wouldn't that be gross?

You know, and then you see how it reacts. Yes, yes, you just have to check out their reaction and see if they're interested in beating on the Astro Play. And then once you're there, you just, you know, there's a lot of nerve endings there. Exactly. I mean, you don't feel anything because when you're're on an astral plane you're all your nerves end Yes, you're sure of no endings and you're not nervous exactly. Then you can't get pregnant

Alright, let's take a quick break. Let's refresh our drinks and we'll be back with so we'll learn more about what's going on at Tom the Traveler clap This is blemish the new owner and operator of the Vermilion Minotaur. The fires are burning more brightly than ever before, and those who wish to dance around the flame, you relating with the very essence of the Dark Lord's name and ascend higher into the very branches of Michingleshane's forest where we all under the robes of the Dark Lord may rise to great power and wash it down with half price barley wine. Come to the million

minutes on. Tom I'm just so happy to have you here. You're one of our first guests we've ever had on the show. Um, I think he was the first guest. I think, well, I mean technically, Chuck and you and you said, or were my first guests. I am not a guest. I am the very anchor, the creates that... That holds the show back. That's, that's, that's, it keeps the show from crashing in the show. You're firmly rooted in one place and we're struggling to move forward.

Oh, this route shall never rust my friend. So Tom, I'm curious about who did win. It was a white. It almost always is. Sure. But, frankly, it was a white, stood up there and just talked about things only whites would understand. White powers. Gross.

You know? So, what role did he win for? Or, he or she or it, win for? Um, Romeo. Romeo? Yeah. I don't know that one. Romeo and Julioth?

Yeah. Um, it's about a love affair that keeps getting hot and cold again. I agree that there is no real defense of how many whites are nominated, but it should be noted that there have been some exceptional performances by non-whites, such as Cyclops Poitiers. Oh, yes, he's terrific. And you're really a trailblazer. Yeah, trailblazer. But you know, let's say it. But is it? People say they have no depth?

Because they can't see depth. But that doesn't mean that they can't play depth. But they often get typecast as, you know, brutes and whatnot. So Tom, you were there, you're in the room. Yes. You didn't win, but your queen mother is there. Yes.

And Rihanna was there as well. But why didn't you just go in? Why didn't you go and talk to Rihanna? there as well. Why didn't you just go in? I didn't see what I was doing. Dr. Rihanna. Because have a romantic reconnection. Because I was afraid to reveal myself if I was not a winner of a tosser. Ah. And now I think I should dedicate my life

to defeating the Dark Lord. We also could use a new host for this podcast. What? The last time I was here, you weren't here. You found your wife. How did that go? Oh, boy. It's a bit of a long story.

Memory Gremlin showed up. I can tell it very quickly. I don't slip with the memory grab them. I thought it was my wife, but it was just a memory Gremlin feeling the memories of my wife. But that's what they do. That's what they do. I guess I don't need to explain what a memory Gremlin does. Everybody knows what a memory Gremlin does. Most people know that when someone comes and looks like your wife and acts like her,

that you have to ask more questions. Yeah. See if they're a for astral for this. So you cheated on your wife with a memory Gremlin? Well, it's complicated. It's complicated, but I feel very guilty. So don't have to play mittens. Yes, true.

You could be killed. I'd true. It's true. But I feel like if I played mittens, I'd be killed anyway. Yeah, probably. There's so many different ways to get killed in that sport. So Tom, now you're back. How are you going to help Yusador on?

Of course, I'm a feat. I don't know help Yusador on it? Of course I defeated. I don't know, Yusador. I can be useful in many ways. I'm an actor and I have seen the way that my father governs a kingdom. I have seen the way my mother ravenously devours men. I believe how you could aid me the most would be by infiltrating the kingdom of Shrike.

Shrike with you with your great acting prowess you could put on a fake mustache. Pass yourself off as some courtier, work your way up in the ranks and uncover all sorts of useful information for our quest. In fact, yeah, put that mustache out of your trousers. Yeah, okay. You could put it upside down and put on your chin. Oh You could put it here and have like a you know brow. Oh, yes They're all sorts of ways you could in fact Even better you'll play three different people with hair in three different places shall I change my voice? Yes

Yes, yes, what voices? Okay, don't give me the name of the first person and I will change my voice to see how they talk grumble wad shimba shwits Hello, I'm grumble wad shimba shwits. That's amazing. Oh, here. Let me do the acting process. How about a character named DeAngelo capricious gen gelo capricious okay sounds like it or decapery of resort decapery Genji-loca priest is okay sounds like it or do you cap re offer short? Do you cap re? Hello, I am the angeloca priestess No, wow, wonderful. And so I hope you can see I hold my body different. Yes, yeah, on a what name do you want to give him? Hank, that was a good first guest. All right This is very hard in acting when you take on a character. My name is Tom. Yeah, but this is Hank's voice Yes, and why don't you take the mustache and

put it next to him. Hank's Tom. Okay. Tom, Hank's voice. Oh, I love Tom, Hank's. Hello, I'm Hank. Wow. Wow.

That's amazing. Yeah, big, big voice. And then you get in touch with what your motivation is and sort of what that's for. I'm gonna make such a big splash. Well, this is a very dangerous mission. You're sending me down the road to petition and it is yeah it's an impossible mission but I don't see what that has to do with it. That's another tom. I don't know what you're talking about, but you seem to be dragnetting it on. Oh, come on. Look.

I will do this, but there is a chance that I might not come back from strike. You're not going to be cast away, listen. Look, we've got to get over our irreconcilable differences. Oh wait, no. No, no. I don't know what you're talking about, but I do know this. Okay? talking about but I do know this okay you buzz and buddies are sending me away on something that is very dangerous and I may not return from strike but I will do this for you I appreciate it so much time but if I die will you give this note to

Rianne of course I will this is a secret love letter that I've written. All right do not do not read this after I am gone Okay Do you promise I swear by all the realms of a fesious that I shall never open this letter? All right Here you go when you give it to her will you say Reannon you've got mail when I give it to her, I'm going to say things like, do you like that? Well, listen if you're going to give it to her and you give her, you know, if you're going to have some fun with astral projection, make sure you use astral protection.

Yes, and, you know, make sure that not, make sure that you can get an erection quickly. Make sure you get Fleetwood, Mac. What? Oh, I get it. Yeah, that is sort of the most convenient way to say, get a best direction. Yeah, Fleetwood. And then call me Mack. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, not getting an erection is a real lady killer. So it's good advice. What? What if, uh, what if I don't know what happens to you for a long time?

I like, there isn't a, like, how long do I just not hear from you before I give it to it? happens to you for a long time. I like there isn't a, like how long do I just not hear from you before I give it to her? Well, you once told me that if I ever wanted to speak to you, I should pop out one of my eyes. Right, crush it. Right. In my hand. Then blow into my hand, so make like a bubble,

put a wish in that bubble, and then wait by a stream. Is that still true? Of course. Yeah, all right. It seems like it's asking a lot. Well, I'm saying that's an emergency. If I, after two years, you haven't heard from me in that manner of communication, then you deliver this letter.

Just out of curiosity, though. What would you give us a summation of what might be in the note? Well, you know how there's just regular letters. And then what a lot of people are doing right now is sending slitters. Like sexy letters? Yeah, sexy is a combination of, because you see how conveniently those words go together. Yes, slitters. Slitters. Yeah.

And so it's a slutter that has some picks in it. Ooh. And some just picks that I've drawn. Yeah, absolutely. And I've got a pretty good view of what I'm drawing. And I'm able to draw it. And then some sort of things, some sort of sexy things. So that it's just it's not it's private

So I would be very embarrassed if anyone read the sexy things that are in this letter All right, well, I won't I promise I mean you are your royalty you're a famous person in phone Well, I was your if your sliders got out it would be skim yes Who you'd hate to see that fall in the hands of It would be skimmed. Yes. Who you'd hate to see that fall in the hands of other other tossers or monsters or zombies or the teams or these Whites. Why don't you do another monologue from Danlett

to get our minds off of this life? I would actually love to hear a monologue from what was the other? Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet? Yeah. Oh, do you, oh, you know those roles as well? Well, when you're a cocktailer you sort of learn lots of things

Oh, it's not like a young man who's in a robot and the guy who's rowing at stops Yeah, yeah, that's really a long conversation and he's eventually like Romeo Yeah, yeah, that's right and then then he takes that as his name Yes, that's how it works. Okay, so we'll do the scene in the boat when you're standing still in the ocean. So now from the play, Romeo and Juliet. Juliet, this is Tom the Trevor, quick. But soft, it hurts so much sitting on this robot seat

for my butt is soft. What light across the ocean breaks? It is the sun, but Julie is off the boat. She's died. Such loneliness have I here on this robot by myself. And yet a lack, a lack, a lack, what is this roaring? Oh shit. Yes. I am with a tiger on this boat. Yes, I am alone on this boat with a tiger. Oh no, oh no, oh no. This must be what it feels like to be baked and served as dessert.

Like a pie, I don't know what to like. Oh, I'm leaving, I miss you so much. What a life. What a life of pie. Thank you. Wow. And, Sean, please clap. Wonderful.

That was amazing. Thank you, Romeo. Maybe I'll try to do that role. But I'm going to strike undercover as three different people. Hello, I'm Hank So Tom, thank you so much for coming back on the podcast. Thank you for having me and now I take on a dangerous mission Yeah, good luck in Shrike infiltrating the the army of Baron Ragon Yeah, well, he's an evil guy, but he's very polite, so I can't wait to meet him as Someone I myself great Yeah, well, he's an evil guy, but he's very polite so I can't wait to meet him as

Someone I myself great Chun, did you get any emails this week? I did here This is to the email chun to gmail.com that's chun with six teas, please This is from Ari Anderson Says is Arnie lying dear chun. Don't you find it suspicious? Great. That's it. That's a Dear chun don't you find it a bit suspicious that Arnold Ernie just happened to have all his podcasting equipment with him when he accidentally fell through a dimensional portal? FYI, why we don't normally carry podcasting gear with us everywhere we go on earth. Best regards from Ari in Norway, Earth.

I guess that is a little weird. I, you know, as I've said before, I was in my car, my Toyota Camry, behind the Burger King, my entire car came through the dimensional portal and it's still hidden in McShingle Shane Forest. And I had some podcasting equipment with me because I had a number of failed podcasts on Earth, Stupid Nerd, Wee Wrongly Assume, Mystery Cove, and that one sounds good. Yeah, the Mystery Cove one. Mystery That one sounds good. Yeah, the mystery, cove. One mystery, cove sounds good. It does sound good.

I, I, I think it sounds a little dense. It failed, seems like a strong word. But, you know, I would just, I hadn't actually used the equipment in years and, you know, when I got here I was like, finally, something to podcast about. Did you get any email, sorry? Yeah, I did, actually. As always, you can email me you get any email, sorry? Yeah, I did actually.

Now, as always, you can email me at Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies. I know it doesn't sound like a real email address. For whatever reason, it's the only email I can get through the firewall from the Burger King. It's very strange. Here's an email I got. Uh, hey Arnie, so quick background, me and my girlfriend are sorta like swingers, but we only have a single

friend we do the sex with. Anyway, after Coitus was finished, the three of us were laying in bed and my girlfriend starts whispering something in my ear. At first I thought it was the sweet nothings of young love, but then I felt the power of Yusidor's name. We began to chant his name together quickly, rising in volume. Needless to say, our bed guest was surprised and startled. She thought we might have had about of temporary sexual insanity,

but we simply explained that it was something we heard you ask us to do on your podcast. Now she is an avid listener as well. I also want to thank Yusidor for the best after-sex moment I've ever had. Diamond Dan and Mouse. Seriously though, TSI is not something to joke about. TSI? Temporary sex rule and sensitivity. Oh sure.

Insanity. There's a plague of TSI throughout this world. Oh, plague of TSI. It's not good. It's not good. It starts in one area and then it expanded to TSI Miami. Yeah, what? Where is Miami? It's South. When the TSI Miami. Yeah, where is Miami? It's South.

When the TSI goes South, oh, that's the worst. I don't know what you're talking about, but making fun of someone's health, I think is rather rude. And it is, it is luckily only temporary, but there are some cases where the temporaryness lasts for years. Yes. They are temporarily insane for year after year.

Yes. Here's another real quick email. I have a bet with a few friends that Foon is most likely a sphere just like Earth. However, two of my other friends disagree. One thinks it's a flat disc like Whirl bounced on a few pack of germs who are balanced on a giant turtle flying through space.

So I'm kind of disc world. Another friend thinks it's an ever-changing shape. Do the maddo to the magica fune. If you could please settle this bet, it would be greatly appreciated from Taylor K. I guess I can't believe I've been here a year and one week, and I don't know the answer to this. What shape is fune?

Well, fune itself is a land, a giant land mass upon it. It's a giant land. Yes. So picture that. Yes, it's land-shaped. And we colloquially refer to the planet that we live upon as Foon, of course. But there are many other nations outside of Foon. Oh, really? What are some of the other nations?

Well, there's Hawaii. Oh, Hawaii, yep. Ah, there's Granda Oh, Hawaii, yep. There's Wendelflin. Wendelflin? Wendelflin. And Sorphain. Sorphain?

There's Sorphain. Sorphain? Doof. Sorphain or Wendelflin? Wendelflin. No, we can really get any rest. Did you say Hawaii? I did say Hawaii.

You might say there's sleepless. You might say there's sleepless in sorphain. Well, that answers that. Yes, it's a round planet like those planets. Great. Sorry. So Tom, good luck in Skurr. Thank you.

Great luck to the A2. To a cocktail you say, break a leg. Oh, I'm sorry, break a leg. Why do you say, break a leg? Because, especially if you're on a dangerous mission, you want to really mess up your enemy. Sure. Break their leg.

Yeah, oh, absolutely. Then the next time we see you, we may not recognize you. Oh, probably not. You might have already seen me at times and not known it. Really? Yeah, we can let that down. That's right. As long as I can stay sober, I think I can complete this mission. It's very important, Todd Lane, as you go forth on your mission. As you find out critical information that will help us defeat the Dark Lord, that you stay true, that you stay strong and you resist the temptation to partake of the morgue loop. Right out his note! Yep!

Hey! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, so much for you to come on. Wow! TUN! You're huge! Oh my gosh, I'm so much better than you. Come on. Wow. Turn. Turn. You're huge.

And so ends the sophomore slump edition of our little audio hoot nanny. What has shamed none of those characters are real and we just spent half an hour of our lives listening to Chicago improvisers pleasure themselves on their own fancings. Because if it were real and I were some sort of authority figure monitoring the barrier between dimensions, Arnie's presence in Fune could be the first fall in Domino in a giant cataclysmic game of Cosmic Jenga, if you'll forgive the mixed metaphor. But it's not so nothing to worry about. Usador the Wizard was played by human actor Math Young.

Chant the shape shifter was played by Adel Rathai. This week he shifted into the shape of someone who forces people to make up acceptance speeches. That was cool. Tom the Traveler was played by special guest Steve Walteen. Steve performs regularly with the improvised Shakespeare company. Blemish, the creepy dwarf who currently runs the Ramylian Minotaur, was played by Martin Wilson. How much voice training do you think Martin's had?

None is an acceptable answer. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Evan Jacober, Ryan DeGeorgi, and Arnie Neacamp, edited by Evan Jacober. Logo by Alejleban, music by Andy Poland, follow us on Twitter at Magic Tavern, thanks as always to the Chicago podcast co-op, and a big old thanks to throat-vulture, good ear-wolf. My assistant Craig usually does this part, but he's currently being repaired. Anyway, subscribe on iTunes or whatever pod thing you use. Write a review, tell your friends, because people who love podcasts are usually super social.

Farewell, tonight, slumbering blissful ignorance, while I watch over you from the vast abyss of space, whether your planet is round or shaped like Ryan O'Neal, the male lead in irreconcilable differences. I shall have an order of rooster's feet and a strong ale! I'm at Yusadur, I was wondering if I could maybe get some of that more glue. Oh yeah, sure, that's just four gold pieces. Thanks.