Hello From The Magic Tavern - 55 - Homunculus

Episode Date: March 28, 2016

I always thought it was weird how Usidore saves his bodily fluids. This week I learn why. It's still weird.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMetanoid: Jorin GarguiloSpants/Gorgon: Meridith StepienMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. The following podcast is not real, but it is really part of the Ear Wolf Network. Your head is filled with hundreds of tiny bothersome animals and only one creature can hunt

them down, the throat-vulture, sorry the Ear Wolf. Oh, also, a mysterious new sponsor for the podcast wants to help you send real physical objects to the residents of the Vermilion Minitor. Maybe a candy bar for Chant to eat live? Hmm? Just send your candy or whatever, too. Cards Against Humanity, 1917 North-Earth-Eldstin, Chicago, Illinois, 60642. Care of Arnie Neacamp, Vermilion Minitor, Town of Hogsface, Land of Foon.

They say they'll try to shove whatever they can through the small dimensional crack behind the Burger King, so keep it small. Thanks for sponsoring the totally fictional podcast, mysterious unnamed Chicago company. Now enjoy the show! Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before. This is what's going on. A year and three weeks ago I think I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king into the fantastical land

of fun. Luckily I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from that burger king through the dimensional riff that I fell through and I used that to upload a podcast that I record every week here in the tavern, the vermilion minotaur, in the town of Hogg's face, in the land of Foon, and I'm joined as always by my buds, by my squad, by my boon companions. I am Yusador, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow The nebulator of magical delights D'varur of chaos champion of the great halls of Trockus The Ilds nobius fying Yolk The D'olves nobius zoning in hook stangies And I am known in the northeast as gascass

Oh, and there may be other secret names Names Oh such precious names Such delicate flower-like names. That if you were to touch them, they would crumble into pure dust. And then they would rise again like the Phoenix more powerful than ever for. What is one of those delicate names? Because so far I have not heard a delicate name. They're secret names. Those are my secret names. I'm not going to tell you what.

Just give us a secret, delicate, crumbly name. One of my delicate, crumbly names. Let's hear it. Let's crumb it. Peep-peep-peew. Peep-peep-peew. Okay, I feel like I can hear it crumbling in front of me. Peep-peep-peep-peep-peep. All right.

Peep-peep-peew! I see there. It rose like a phoenix. rumbling in front of me. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. All right. Slip, pip, ho! All right, I see there it rose like a phoenix. Yes, of course. All right, well thanks, step-a-boo, but we're also joined by my buddy, John, the talking badger. Squat goals. Good squat goals.

It's good to see you. Good to see you. I actually know I found out one of Usadurs' other names. Oh, did you really? Bagel me fingles Bagel me bagel me fingles. How did you find this out? He was sleeping the other night and I he fell asleep at the table As you're drinking and he does a lot as he does and he just kind of loaded it out I assume it was a I mean the way you're acted just told me well

Yeah, well, yes of course. Uh-huh. Of course. Are you sure it's a name and not just an exclamation because it also sounds like something that someone would just exclaim Bag on me fingles. Well when I met the tree people of Torin They saw me and said bag on me fingles and they've called me that ever since I still think it's a better catchphrase than a name bagel me Fingles I found a clue it works as both right can I can you do me a favor Arnie sure what could you just do like the first part of the intro But do it like super sexy Just wouldn't hear what it sounds like I mean I'll he's dying on it on it. That's true Yeah, this is my final fantasy to final fantasy to bear enough. Okay, um Super sexy. Yeah, just like really laid on if you can Hello from the magic tavern. Oh, slower. Oh, slower. Yeah, duh

Hello from the magic tavern A weekly podcast from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the Magic Landers. Here's what's going on. Yeah, it didn't work for me. No, wait, but what's the alternative? What would it look like if it did work for you? Like you want me to give you a line reading? I have to adjust my pants back here.

Oh, yeah, I do. What do you do at sexy? Keep up, pop, pop, pop. She brews a proper cup of coffee in a copper coffee pot. Here we go Hello from the magic tavern a weekly podcast from the magical land of food There's a lot of eyebrows involved. I gotta I brought up more. All right. Let me try one more time Hello from the magic tavern Weekly podcast Hello from the Magic Dafer. A weekly podcast from the Magic Land. Did you hurt yourself on that last bit?

Did you age 40 years? You said magical and I thought maybe your face was going to pop right off. It's not like you aged 40 years in the last six. Oh my gosh, everybody's jerking it right now. That's listening to this podcast. Probably. Hopefully not. Hello from the Magic Tofu.

A weekly podcast from the Magic Tofu. I am, of course, your host. Sit down. You said, or you sound like you're hosting like a horror podcast, but also occasionally, almost falling asleep. But you know what, you said, or we have not, it's good to see you.

You haven't been around much this week. No, I have been traveling. All over Foon. I... All over Foon? All over Foon. Yeah, I had no time for a V. I might have to stop and skrrr. I had to go to the Bellroth Kingdom and I searched through Magical Scroll.

I deciphered runes. I did everything I could to learn as much as I could this week. And from all of my new fountain knowledge, I can tell you there is not one instance of anyone putting soup in there, but it's just a thing that we made up here. It has no relevance on anything.

Okay, so that's just a- Well, that's Chuchu's shower serving butt soup. So, swing on down for a hot bowl of butt soup. Well, you know, I spent this week actually doing some, trying to do some research on how to reverse the curse that is befallen chunt. Oh, I should have done that. Yeah, I know, that's where I thought you were going with that.

I went to Twitter and I asked a bunch of people on Twitter if they knew how to reverse curses. Here's some of the things that people... The people who live in that little twatterton. The citizens of Twattertonville. They tweeted things at me like, if someone picks uppercurse coin, they can reverse it by putting a blessed coin

down instead in the place of the cursed coin. Oh, classic basic reverse magic thinking. Nice try. Is there such a thing as a blessed coin? Oh, certainly. Yes, give me a coin. Sure. All right, here you go. It seems like on earth where you come from,

a lot of things are blessed. Because when I look through Twitter, I just see a lot of like blessed, yeah. Oh yeah, hashtag, blessed coin. Yeah. Let's see the people. Also, someone said, pickle a seal tail. It's pickle a seal tail in whale bile and sleep with it.

You're, oh God, this is the most possible. It's a tongue twister they just went you to say. I think you're right. Pick a seal tail in whale bile and sleep with it. Wait, can you say a sec? Yeah, yeah. Pickle a seal tail in whale bile. Sleep with it in your second butthole one night. Ellipses. Easy.

Sounds like a lot of work. That sounds like it's more on track though. Sounds like a lot of work. That sounds like it's more on track though. Um, surely there's something or someone immune to curses and fune that Chunk can have sex with. That seems like the best plan, right? That's a good plan. Uh, I mean, I can't really think. I mean, is there anyone along that line?

Maybe if I slept with one of the blue tigers, I could, one of the two remaining blue tigers. Yeah, they're so wonderful. Yeah. And the so wonderful. Yeah. And the other advice. They're very gentle with it. And the other advice I got from Twitter was, I think generally they have to be passed onto someone else. You sure you're okay with that morally,

like passing the curse onto somebody else. Oh, so you're saying you would take the curse since you're stuck here away from your family? No, no, no, no, no. I mean, even if we knew how to do that probably have sex Chant makes a point. What do you have to live for? I this podcast and Helping you helping you chant live helping you sedor defeat the dark Lord I don't I don't know I

Sometimes I think you're really gonna help and then you know sometimes this go what am I thinking? I mean our nor is gonna kill you in a few months Days maybe they know I have I have a good half here all right, but you know what we've ignored our guests are far too long I'm very excited to meet I'm sure I'm pronouncing this wrong. You're a himunculus Monculus your homunculus Name met medano, metanoid. Metanoid. Metanoid's man hanger, the monkey list. Oh, hello. Hello, Metanoid.

Hello. So, uh, you, I gotta say, just to give our, uh, just to give our listeners a mental picture, yeah. Kind of a mess. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy, I'm a big mess. But I'm a monkey list. So I'm made of the four humors.

My master and creator selected. I am a blood urine, feces, semen, among killers. I'm like, among killers. Come for the semen, stay for the semen. Well, I was gonna say come for the semen, stay for the blood urine and feces that come for the semen. I can in there, come for the semen. It's true, but we gotta be for it.

It's four components. I am a classic mix. I think that's just for the same in the video. But we gotta be for it's for components. I am a classic mix. I think that's just the elements. Come on guys. I think that expression should be come for the same and leave because of the blood urine and feces. Well, it's part of me so I'm stuck with care in the four-way-a-ve-re-go.

It picked the one. Maybe this is a dumb question. No, I'm sure not. How are you? what is that? What I am a magical construct and familiar to Sman hanger the minute diminished. Sman hanger the diminished yes you may know him as Blorff the Brown. Oh Blorff the Brown is one of the wizards. Yes of course. So Sman hanger is your master but also your last name? Yes, the last name of every among you. I is the first name of the wizard that constructed the monkey

lie. Oh, wow. Constructed and controls. Ooh. Yes, controls. Although, Blorth has really been on the skids lately, so aside from coming to pick up the carryout, I'm left to freely roam pretty much. I mean, I'm just going to be perfectly honest with you. He's not my favorite. Sure. Of the pretty much. Uh-huh. I mean, I'm just gonna be perfectly honest with you. He's not my favorite.

Sure! Of the wizards. Uh-huh. It's a bit of an ass. Yeah, he's beating himself up. Pretty bad. Oh, oh. Yeah. Yeah, that doesn't seem like him. He's down in the dumps.

Well, ever since the kill incident, which he can't seem to get past, Oh, yeah, I guess so. He won't leave the house and he's sending me out to pick up a pizza from the Vermilion Minotaur pretty much daily. So your life you were made and you are forced to do errands for a clinically depressed wizard. Yeah, absolutely. Although to be fair, you have to be at a pretty low point to emits your blood, semen, urine and feces in a bowl, and mold it into a vaguely human shape and I'm the stove with life

Maybe Arnold's a homonculus Yeah from the smell alone you might be oh come on can I ask you some I'm I wish you would yes, absolutely. I've got lumps lumps. Oh my lovely lumps Obviously, it's hangar you do his bidding, but do you have, Metanoid, do you have any dreams or aspirations of your own? Oh, well, basically to not have the connection severed for as long as possible, because as soon as he dies or falls into a deep sleep or plane shifts, I'm going to erupt into a boiling pillar of unidentifiable substance. If he goes into a deep sleep?

Yes. Yeah, that can suffer the connection. Wizard's usually asleep with one eye open. I see. Just like that. If you, if you like fully sleeps, you're just gonna explode. Yeah.

Juices everywhere. Yeah, I'll turn into my composite juices. Uh-huh. So that's nasty. Yeah. I-huh. So, that's nasty. Yeah. I'll admit. Uh, so, do you believe that, uh, there's any way that you can help your master regain his formal glory?

Uh, well, you know, I mean, as you know, mostly the construction of a homoculist is, uh, for a more sort of, uh, you know, sneaking into a lady's room and laying a rose on her pillow or generally peeping from the bushes or what have you Speaks to a lonely pack. Wait, wait, hold on, hold on. So the most common thing to make a humongulous deal is say, oh, I'm trying to woo this woman Let me send a blood semen and shit monster. Yes to go lay a flower on their bed, probably leaving a trail. A bloody shitty semen. Well, you possibly, if it's raining, yeah, and then I get wet, and then I start to leave streaks. Back down the drain.

Leave one though. Yeah, absolutely. When you're peeping and peering in the bushes, do you ever, like, this man hanger, like, ask you or Blerth, ask you to, like, feed him lines, like if he's wooing a woman from the from the oh abs well I wish yeah that's what but that's the thing is that normally a monkelysis constructed for that but he is so down in the dumps he's just got me running out for pizza and cleaning bats out of the chimney so I dream of a day when I can feed lines

to Blorth the brown as he lose the lady of his choice so he's not even leaving his I dream of a day when I can feed lines to Blorth the brown as he lose the lady of his choice. So he's not even leaving his hovel right now. No, he won't leave the home. Metanoid, I'm kind of curious, I'm always curious about this thing when sort of like a magical creature sort of like used to or just comes into existence. Hold on.

I am not a magical creature. Aha, I'm a magical being. A magical being, okay. Respect. Respect. So, so, so, so, Midanoid like, what was it like being created? Oh, geez, well, I sort of started to receive the energies from the incantations while I was a formless pudding in a bowl that was being mixed, and then

gradually I sort of felt my hands and feet being pressed out of that bowl, and then it was just all darkness because he hadn't formed my head yet, and then the head was last, so I had a sense of a body, sort of coming out of a deep sleep from which I had not realized I'd entered. And then next thing I knew, I looked down and I saw that I was about 17 fingers high, lying in a bowl, blood red in color, no genitals, and a cleft for my bottom but no hole. What would you do with genitals? I don't know. I don't answer that question.

No, okay. The name metanoid. The name metanoid, did you give that to yourself? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Don't answer that question. No, okay. The name metanoid. I could. The name metanoid. Did you give that to yourself or were... No, it was a series of runes that were embedded into my body. The runes met, ta, no, and then.

Inside the core of my body. Written on a piece of parchment around which the blood feces, urine and semen was mixed and congealed classic homunculus classic classic classic mix no tears vomit all those are his or other options yes any four of the humors would do semen is usually always one of the base parts all the base like base parts yeah cuz again you have to be in a pretty lonely state to decide to whip up a homonculus Have you ever had a homonculus? I tried to make one once I got tired of pooping into a pale

Sure, try to get enough poop to make a homonculus and I was like, maybe I should just go outside Say hello to someone. Yeah, you know get out there get back out there and Quest or adventure or Focus on my plans to feed the dark Lord. Yeah, I do not need to Descate my fecal matter into this bucket nay not when the dark Lord already Take a crap upon all of food. I shall gather my forces and I shall get out of this house and I shall get out of this depression and I shall defeat him is what I said to myself. Would you say that collecting your poop in a bucket

is kind of like a rock bottom for depression? And you're like, what am I doing? I know, well, I'm for a normal person. Yes, for a wizard such as myself, you're collecting all manner of things that fall off of you Or come out of you just because you might need them. You never know. You know, I'm sure I've got a little fecal Matt sitting around somewhere. Oh boy. Gotta keep it. Gotta keep it for a rainy day, you know, you never know Never know. What if I need to whip up a hung a monkey list all of a sudden sure?

Metanoid do you know many other humongous? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah I had not with the homunculus guys for sure. Yeah, you know, but it'll be one of those, do you know many other humongous? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had not with the homunculus guys for sure. Yeah, you know, but it'll be one of those things where, you know, we'll be at a yee magical creatures association playing a game of ball in the basket. And then all of a sudden, somebody's wizard falls into a deep sleep while you're posting them up. Oh, no.

And you're just covered in goo. So, you know, it's deep, short-term connections. Have you got a chance to play ball in the basket? I have no, it's the best game. You take a ball. Yes. Yeah. You have to have a basket. Okay. And then you try and get that ball into the basket. Into the basket. Into the basket. Just one basket.

I'm sure you understand. I mean, maybe there are other rules that I don't know about. But like in simplest terms, you get the ball in the basket about but like in simplest terms you get the ball in the basket I think you get the ball in the basket two points two points. Is there any way? I'm just just throwing this out there anyway to get three points uh-huh Okay, yeah Absolutely, you score two points and then the moment when you score another two points first There's one point and then there's a millisecond of transition. Oh really and then four points

I see because it takes them a while to spin the sign that says two, oh I see four points fair enough. Yeah, absolutely. You know what let's take a quick break and Let's sort of wipe down this table. Sorry. No, yeah, no, no, you're in here. No, you're who you are. You can't spill the ale on me. Yeah, you didn't ask to be made into this.

No, absolutely. All right, we'll be right back. Hello, everyone. Spans here. We have a special guest performer coming up here today. However, I must warn you, she is a Gorgon, so make sure you cover your eyes, or else I'm your turn to stone.

Okay, everyone's eyes covered, all right? Now put your hands together for Marilyn, the Gorgon, and her sexy backup snakes. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, Lily. Thank you Thank you Having me oh my oh my you are a good looking crowd. Oh, I'm sure you'd return the compliment if you could but you can't look at me without meeting your doom I'm very blind to gentlemen in the audience who'd like to buy me a drink

Anyone I take it on the rocks Or if you'd rather we could just get domed. Oh yes, and now we're having fun. Oh, surely there's a love route there for me. Don't you think? Thank you. Yeah. Nobody looks at me. The way I'm looking at you. The way I'm looking at you

You never look at me Because you'll turn rock hard if you do Literally go through the jamming Let's make you work with a compromise All you gotta do is just gouge out your eyes And then I will give you love in So good you'll always be satisfied And I'll tell you what's baby when I'm done with you You won't even miss those eyes

Seriously though ladies and gentlemen, who needs eyesight when you have so many other sexual senses to play with? Oops, we got a peeker here in the front row. Oh, you, yeah. He is definitely Don't know. Okay. Well, that's my cue. Thank you all for having me.

So much. I'll just be um, Harding backstage. Sorry again. This man's family in front. Okay, bye. So, Metanoid, uh-huh? This is, uh, and I apologize. This is a very personal question. Oh, go ahead and say it.

I have virtually no self-esteem. Oh, no. Well, that's okay. That was kind of what I was going to ask like, how do you feel about being what you are? Uh, well, I serve a function and a function and mostly I just feel bad for smang hanger the diminished really. I have a mile telepathic connection with him and oh boy he is really in the pits of despair right now.

Comparatively you know I get out I do things you, I have a function, collect pizzas, fight bats, yeah, it's the all told, you know, it's the same story that anybody has. Yes, sure, also a greater function. We're all just accumulations of bodily fluids, picking up pizzas, clearing out bats, until we eventually explode. Yeah, absolutely, imbued with the magic of life wow I have to ask just because I don't get many chances to talk to wizards or by proxy I'm not a wizard I am the leaving of a wizard crafted into a yeah you do talk to me all the time oh no I mean I've talked to you about this. Let me get to my oh sorry sorry. I was recently cursed. Is there any? I mean any help would be

appreciated? Any secrets and any spells? Any secrets spells? Well okay this is one thing you could do. Build a homoncule. You know and then shift the curse onto the homoncule. That homonunculus will explode and you'll be fine. Wow. Can I use the door? Is that check out? I've been pooping into a pail, so it should be a problem. Come, whip it up. Come, let's see. How would you transfer that curse

onto this Immunculi? How would you move this curse onto this giant usaturd? I would probably, I would probably use a little bit of chunt to help make it rather than parts of me. Yeah. I thought that usaturd pond was gonna be better. It wasn't though. It wasn't. I loved it. Yes. Thank you. Yeah, good job. You're a metanoid.

Hard pass. Yeah, hard pass. Yeah, I, I mean, I feel like I've seen you in here before or just kind of slinking in the ass. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm in here picking up pizzas all the time. If you see a little red guy running around with a pizza, pizza is good, no. Yeah, I usually avoid you, but you see.

Yeah, I avoid the meta. Do you, everybody does? Do you eat yourself? Like, do you? I don't need to. I mean, occasionally I do for shock effect. Oh, you know, like what happens when you eat? Well, I mean I just essentially I might break a creature, a small treat like a bat. Yeah. I might break a bat and then pour it into my mouth, but my mouth has no

connection to anything internal. So it will just pour into my mouth and then pour right out. But if I make a lot of activity, it just looks like I'm flinging crumbs rather than everything Oh cool, so yeah, I might have to head off a bat and just kind of yeah, sure Absolutely, it's like the cookie monster effects Sure Middinoid are you Are you trying to shock someone? I'm trying to shock my master and actually getting up off his ass and getting out of the

house. So you take a bat over him, make sure he's in your line, he's in his line of sight, he's kind of biting to it. Yeah, he'll be drunk on me and I'll just crawl up on his chest and tap him on the chin with my foot and go, get a look at this! And then break a bat open, let a boy or my... He usually just rolls over so that I fall off of his chest with the remains of the bat. And then it's back to sweeping.

I picture a knife that you can maybe like curl up on a stomach or curl at the foot of the bed or something. Well, I do, but there's no response, and then I have to clean up whatever I've left behind in the morning, so it generally is not worth it. That's a shame. You are a very good homunculus. Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, you're adorable. You really care about your master.

You're doing much to take care of him and help. Get him out of this state and almost assuredly as soon as he's out of this state, you shall be destroyed. Oh, oh. As soon as he's happy moving about again, I'm sure he can get his own pizzas and he'll be like, no more bet no way.

Yeah, he'll be like, I'm gonna take a really long sleep, explode my hemonculus. That's a, that's an extremely fatalistic point of view you know I mean but I guess so be it. You know so the wheel turns you know. Is there any way for hemonculus to save themselves or for others to save the hemonculus even if the Wizard if a Wizard is done with them Only by passing into story Yes, the greatest Humunculi of course become legends really what are some of the great? What are some of the great Humunculi of food? Torrance Torrance the first Humunculi. Wow. Simply made of rock water fire and air

Malik was a big one. Yes, Malik was a very big one Torrance and Malik. Yes. Yes, and they they did they did eventually meet and and and fought one another for their masters and they said you shall live on in story and tomes were written about them and songs were sung and thus they live on forever. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. I mean, the piles of things they were made out of though

Phillip Hart and exploded. Sure. It's a story. Sure. We'll ask someone who's, you know, my fate is looming upon me. Um, I want to let you know that I'm I'm aren't he's gonna die soon We're all gonna die soon, but I want to let you know that I'm gonna write down, uh, you know, a story about our Our time together. Thank you. Yeah, so you will live it on the story That's wonderful and I'll be writing like I'm running out of time every day or night like I'm running at a time intense

I didn't get most of that. Well, Mid-Anoid, it's been surprisingly a pleasure to meet you. Yeah, thank you very much. And I feel like I'm in a weird position of both hoping that Blorth the Brown doesn't get better, but also that he does, you know? Yeah. Well, that's my day in, day out. Also, I've got to say, just a ball of human fluids, you know? Doesn't seem like the best pizza delivery method.

Well, you know, uh, you can't be choosy. It's not like he could have made a bird. Yeah. But he made me, so there you go. Does he get food poisoning much? Oh, yeah, all the time. At the least pink I am sure. Uh, Chai, have you got any emails? Yeah, I got some emails here. This is, of course, to my email address, chant at gmail.com, chant with 60s. This is from Terran. Terran is writing in. She said she heard about the podcast from her sister, Jessie. And she says that she listens to the podcast, big fan, and that she also lets her son, Jude listen. Jude happens to be, hey, Jude. Hey, Jude. Yeah. There's a lot for you to learn in this episode.

He's seven years old and he listens to some of the podcasts that she'll allow him to listen to. I bet he loves this one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And he wanted to know if we found the portal for this is a question for Chuck, if I found the portal to Earth, would I eat at Burger King? I guess I would sample some of that fair. Yeah, you should try it, but you don't want to make a habit out of it. Yeah, why not?

Well, it's not. Why wouldn't we dine on the fine delicacies of the greatest royalty of your world, the Burger King? Well, it's actually, I mean, it's very popular food on my world, but it's also not the healthiest. So you don't want to make a habit of eating a lot of it. Ooh. Think of it as like a special treat

that you only give yourself every once in a while. And your Burger King eats this every day. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I'm a burger, so I shall end some day in my call of secrets. Bagel me fingles. Bagel me fingles. Well, here, why don't I read some of my emails?

You can always email me at Magic Tavern, at puppies.supplies. Again, I get, you know, 50% of the emails I get are asking if it's a real email address. It is a real email address. Stop sending those emails. Here's one we got. Hey there, Arnie Chant and Yousador. Your podcast is really picking up steam here on Earth.

Did you know it recently got picked up by the Earwolf Network? Oh, that's awesome. Arnie probably knows about them, so hopefully he'll explain a little earth stuff to the rest of you guys. Since Foon seems to have a lot of similarities to earth I was wondering if there is such a thing as an earwolf in Foon. Is it some kind of magical creature or monster? What happens if someone gets taken over by an earwolf? Oh beware the wolves. They are the most dangerous creature. I wills covered with six years that can hear you coming from any direction I if they do

In here thee from a mile away they shall rush into our you hole. I will say I think the more terrifying creatures are the air buds The air buds. Yeah, they play ball and pass kids ball and basket. Oh, but there are vicious Vicious and they can fly practically. Well, I'm excited that we've apparently been added to the Earwolf Network. I'm a big fan back on Earth. I'm a little surprised that we've been added to a comedy podcast network. Obviously, this is a serious piece of science reportage that the people of Earth should know about, but still, it's a serious piece of science reportage. Science reportage. Even though I said come for this even, even though, even though, again, like I did, it's not funny. Hey Jude, don't make it bad. All right, I got one more email

on, thank you for that email, Josiah from Chicago. One more email, hey Arnie Chant Nusador, and then they go on to say, you source full name blah blah blah. I used to know, was it of the twelfth World of the Fesiest Master of Light and Shadow Minipulator of magical the lights devour of chaos champion of the great pulls of Tarakas the Elves Numi's fying elok The dwarves Nomi is Zonen and hook stangies and I'm known in the Northeast as Gassiminius Mastar Bad on the Minges of the secret names you do not know baggle me thingies as that what they wrote I'm a 16 year old girl with a newly diagnosed chronic illness that's kind of devastating. I'm in pain and in bed most of the time and during that period I end up I ended up stumbling

upon your podcast. I'm not asking for a shout out or some magic spell cure, although you said or if you could that would be hella kind, but I'm just saying thank you. I feel as if sometimes I'm in the tavern with you guys and it's really uplifting. Thanks for making me smile during rough times with crappy earth stuff. PS, I bet Sarah and your daughter miss you very much Arnie, don't give up hope. Don't fuck another memory, Grimland, just because she looks like your wife. With love, Madison. Thank you, Madison she looks like your wife. We love Madison. Thank you, Madison. That was mostly one of my favorite emails.

Madison, we shall be thinking of you and we shall pour out a cup for you the next time we drink, and you shall be here by our side. You know, we've occasionally get a couple of emails from people saying that this podcast helps them through tough stuff, and it just makes me happy that this podcast can be a small good thing for people that are going through tough stuff. And I know hanging out in this tavern with you guys is a small good thing for me when I'm going through tough times as well. So, Mid-Anoyed, do you want to say anything to Madison?

Madison. Really hanging there. It's so good to hear from you. I really hope they have the opportunity to crawl up on your pillows sometimes soon. Oh no. And Leia Rose right next to your from you. I really hope they have the opportunity to crawl up on your pillows, sometimes suit. Oh no. And lay a rose right next to your beautiful face. Right guys? Yeah.

That seems unwise. I suppose we hope that happens for you Madison. Oh yeah. Oh pie. No, I'm not high-pitched. Oh, it's all over my hands. Guys, we gotta wash. We really gotta wash. We really gotta wash.

Well time to take all your intricate mental images of the vermilion minator crumple them up and throw them away because none of that Really happened that was just people sitting around a. You can almost smell the old mugs of coffee. Usador the Blue was played by Matt Young with all the nuance of someone fatally allergic to nuance. Shunt the Talking Badger was played by Abel Rathai. It must be nice to record a podcast while resting. Metanoid the talking, well, basically big walking pile of crap, right? I mean we can call him a humunculus if we want, but he was really just walking feces. Are we still calling this world building? Anyway, he was played by special guest, Jorin Gargallo. Jorin and Adel perform

regularly with the improv group Revolver at I.O. Chicago. Also, Meredith Steppian played both Spence and the singing Gorgon. Craig, wake up and read the rest of these credits. Uh, uh, hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Chicover, and Ryan D. Georgie. This one edited by Ryan D. Georgie, music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard LeBon, extra sound designed by Jason Knox. Visit us at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. There now, wasn't that more fun than dreaming?

I was dreaming of electric sheep, is that normal? Come on, I'll show you the new equipment that monitors whether or not Adel cares.