Hello From The Magic Tavern - 59 - Dr. Ward

Episode Date: April 25, 2016

This week, we're visited by clinical psychologist Dr. Mark Ward. I can't wait to learn about doctors in Foon!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungDr. Ward: Shane WilsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxAdditional Sound Effects by: InspectorJ and beman87 of Freesound.orgYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hmm, who is this sponsor? I'll figure it out. This is like my own personal Da Vinci code. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of food. I'm your host Arne Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is what's going on. About a year and I don't know, over a month ago, I fell through a domain. That's the most flipping you've ever been about the time.

I usually are real stickler about that. I think it's a year and six or six or seven weeks, it's over a year and a month. Anyway, over a year and a month ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King that I used to upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the Downahog's face, in the land of Phon. And I'm joined as always by my cohosts. I am Yusudor. Was it of the twelfth realm of a fesious master of lightning shadow manipulate over magical lights?

Devour of chaos champion of the great halls of Turokis. The elves know me as fying y'all, the doors know me as zone of new exchange, he said, I am known as the north, he says, guess when he my star, and then maybe have a secret name you do not know yet. Are you alright? I'm fine. Yes, of course I'm fine. What's- You seem really upset, you seem sad. Why do I-

What do you mean- On the verge of tears? No. No. I'm fine. Newstaur, this is a safe place. What's going on? I'm worried about my friend Chant.

Yeah. You mean Badger Miefingies? Badger Miefingies, yes. Oh yeah, Rebees. And also my co-host Chant, the Talking Badger, who is really a shapeshifter. I'm a little worried about you as well. Thank you. I mean, I think he should or shows it a little bit more.

But I believe you. I do believe you. I show it. I don't get emotional about it, but I've been actively trying to reverse this curse that is going to kill you in a couple of months. I've collected a Cape as red as blood. Thank you. I appreciate it. I spent the entire week sketching runes into this Talisman but this talisman around my neck and see if it does help me. How do you feel put this on? And I feel How do you feel? Put this on and I feel... I see she ate it.

Oh yes. It feels like I just ate a full meal. Oh wow. Wow. Those might have been food runes and not poison runes. I'm gonna make a quick food rune. Anybody want to say? Yes, I'd love some roosters feet and some spice potatoes

and a ham's leg. A ham's leg? A ham's leg. What is a ham? I'll be right back in and put it in order. Okay, well, use the door. Ham's a part of a pig. No, but a ham's leg.

And then when you cut the, when you cut the pig up into parts, it says a ham is a part of it. And then if it grows a leg, it's very rare, but it happens. If the ham grows a leg, you just cut it off and eat it. All right, I'm back.

Now, I wanted to have a private conversation with the Yusador, but you wasted that entire time that Chum was away from the table talking about ham. And for your question? Fair enough, fair enough. Oh, wait, I forgot to put in the ham like one second. Okay, so Yusador, I'm really worried about Chum. Yeah, I am worried about him too. It's been at least a month and a half?

I'm worried in general. I'm worried in general. You're rocking a lot. I'm worried, I'm I'm worried in general. I'm worried in general. You're rocking a lot. I'm worried, I'm worried, I'm worried. I'm worried, aren't you worried? I am very worried. Like I didn't, I'd be honest.

At first I thought that this was a prank, right? That Chant was just like pretending he was cursed and was gonna die and was away for him to get me. He's gonna die. He's gonna die. He's not gonna die. He's not gonna die, we're gonna die. We're all gonna die here.

First of all, we're not all gonna die because it's a curse on just John. Oh, right, right. But, that's still serious. Yes, that's why I spent all of my wiki hours trying to think of ways to reverse this curse. You know, it is Eden put off my quest against the Dark Lord, but the Dark Lord is still a danger. I know I put off my quest to get the Lunar Sword, but it's not much of a quest, but we must do whatever we can to help him well, I have a capers res blood. I still need to get

Cow it's why I just milk a capers Did you see that scream? It sounded like it came from the circus what right when you guys stop singing I heard a scream. Oh, no, no, that's right every time so it stops singing Yes, yes, hey, can I and P., I'm not going to eat anything because I am stuff, but the food should be here shortly. But I wanted to share with some kind of, I guess, big news with you guys. Uh-huh. I've been asked by the Badgers in Hogspace if I would like to be the Badger King. So they've invited me to be Badger King.

Whoa! Congratulations. You're going to be King of the Badgers? Thank you. I haven't accepted yet, but I mean, they know know that I'm gonna be dead in three months or so or two months Whatever that that is but I have anything to do with it. Thank you. So I think you and you I mean there's some bags in your eyes But they they want to make me king because they know I'm the most powerful creature That's ever been in the shape of a badger. They know I do a lot of positive, you know, badger work and it comes with a lot of purpose.

What's the positive badger work that you do? I just, you know, I've been really friendly. I've been helping out anytime I see a badger try. You've been really friendly. Mm-hmm. To who? To everyone. Everyone loves Chund. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

But I've helped if I see somebody trying to dig a burrow I help out whatever if people need honey or whatever people need. Yeah. And the King job position would come with some perks. What would it be? What if I get a health potions there'd be a copay? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And infoon copay stands for could you pay for that?

And then I also get a 401 cakes. 401 cakes. That's a great perk. 401 cake. Wow, so you're thinking about taking on the job of being a badger king. Yeah, I get a corner bro. Wow, a corner bro. So you can see all the dirt. That's fantastic. Yeah, so I think congratulations. Thank you so much. And I think if I if I do accept it, which I'm winning towards, I would get to choose two nights in Badger service.'m leaning towards I would get to choose to Knights and Badger service and

If you two would like to be my Knights and Badger service, I would appreciate that I would happily serve you King Shunt as Badger Knight of the Badger realm of Badger folk and I would say I would have to and I don't know if this is a deal breaker You would have to wear a red robe Just just while you're in service and then it's it's kind of a red vature of courage thing. It's like this Yes, I think we can work that out Arnie what do I have to do you just have to anytime the die and fight for the badges? Time the veg turn trouble you'd have to die I might I'll can I think about die. I'd like for them. Ty, in that order.

No. I might, can I think about it? I'll think about it. Nope. Okay. Then I'm going to pass. No, you can think about it. Okay, thank you.

Great. I love you. I love you, guys. I love you too. I love you too, too. I love you too, too. You're going to be all right. We're going to solve this thing.

But, all right. Let's pull ourselves together, guys. All right. Let's not be too heavy. Let's be light. This is our time to enjoy each other's solve this thing. But all right, let's pull ourselves together, guys. All right, let's not be too heavy, let's be light. This is our time to enjoy each other's company this week, and let's talk to our guest. We're joined by Dr. Mark Ward. All right, so this is, this is when I speak to you now? Yeah, yeah, Dr. Mark Ward,

so tell us a little bit about yourself, Dr. Mark. Dr., can I call you Mark, or should I call you Dr. Ward? Dr. Ward, I think, would be best. Great. For the relationship we have. Okay, Dr. Mark. Dr., can I call you Mark, or should I call you Dr. Ward? Dr. Ward, I think, would be best for us for the relationship we have. Okay, Dr. Ward. Well, as you sometimes remember, I am the Director of Clinical Psychology here at the Institute.

And I've been... And what does that mean in Foon? I'm not sure I can tell you what it means in Foon. What I know is that you have been living in this FUNE world as you've described it for well over a year now and I've been overseeing your case for most of that time. Ah, great. Clinical psychology. Yeah.

And so we're working very hard, me and my team. We've been, it's a particularly challenging case, and we've been looking to provide you with the help that you need. So what are you, are you like an elf or a dwarf? Or like a tree person? I'm a graduate of Cornell. Mm-hmm.

And it's so crazy how so many things on Fune sound like Earth-Fix. Like on many parallels between what happens on Earth and what happens in Fune. I don't know if we've ever talked about that. We don't think we ever have. Cornell. I feel like we often have to go through this where we, I explain this to you and then you remember and then you forget and it's like it's tabularasa A little over a year ago you were found wandering around the back of a Burger King in Chicago

Very aimless and just screaming there are other worlds and that's when you came to the Bellaroth Institute And we've been trying to help you ever since then to maybe reconnect with the world as we know it. So I but the world should not be as we know it if the Dark Lord is allowed to cast his evil dispersions all over the land and destroy anything that we love Arnold now is the time you must join me in my quest. You said I'm not going to join. No, it's more imperative than ever that you join. Okay, okay, you said I'm gonna join your quest after we figure out about you.

Maybe we can stick to the one on one here. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I go off the file. I'm just, I wanna stick to the one on one here if I can. No, but I have agreed to participate in your podcast. And so I just wanna stay focused on us. Oh, no, of course, you're the guest. I wanna interview you,

I mean, I, we can certainly talk about your friends. Yeah, well, I mean, let's just not be rude, like, you said, or in chunt are here. Like, I don't want... Arnold, I want to stay focused on us. You, me, and Chuchu. Yeah, I only have two or three months to live. Let's talk about that. Let's talk to each other. Look, I was hoping that this new approach was going to be a direct intervention.

Might sort of jarr your senses and reconnect you from this psychic break that you've had. I've talked with your wife extensively and she's willing to try what is ever necessary to get you back. Sarah? Are you looking? I'm juggling potatoes. Woo! Well, no, wait, Sarah, my wife? Of course. You know my wife?

You've been talking to my wife? For almost a year now, we've... I didn't want to have to talk about this, but I'll remind you that there was a point. Several months ago where you were really getting better and we felt like you could actually engage with Sarah one-on-one. And this was probably a bad decision on my part, but I'd even involved, we allowed you a conical visit. And unfortunately, you came out of that and it was really awful. You screamed at her, you said she was false, and then you just started yelling smash mouth, smash mouth, and we've got to get him away from her.

He's going to do her real harm. You've been very erratic. And I was really hoping that by engaging with you in the universe that you've created, that maybe we'd actually be able to reach out. But we're not in the universe that I created. Somebody once told me that you were destined to join my quest.

You know, I've heard a lot about this world, this sword and sorcery world that you occupy. And, no, it's not the real world, Arnie. This is the real world here, here at the Institute. This is, whoa, I am not, this is not my chair at the familiar minotaur. No, this is the common room. Wait, where? I'm just in, this is just like a weird boring room.

Well, we try to keep it as calm as possible, but I'm glad you're seeing it. I mean, I- wait, am I somehow back on Earth right now? You are, you have been on Earth. I used to or was it of the 12th or all of the easiest mansions? We- we- we- we certainly have attempted to- Oh, you said or. What is- They also know me as being off the doors, they'll be asserting you to hang this, you said or! What is it?

They also know me as being outdoors. They'll be a sort of a new extinguisher, and I'm known to the North East. This gets me a small star. Maybe I'll just see what I'm doing. Oh, yeah! You said where you're not in your rows! Knock knock. Ding dong.

Sorry, I'm gonna come in here. Hi, Arnie. Hey, hey. Hey, it's Chris. My name is Chris Hunt, and I'm here to give you your... Wait, who's this guy? Chris, we're actually making some progress here. I want to stand up for...

Don't call me, just Chris. Hunt, please. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let me go ahead and give you your suppositories. I have two suppositories for you. You know what? Hold on. We're actually making some great progress here. I don't want to wreck this. Let's do this.

I told you, we need to up the dosage to two suppositories. One suppository is One sec. One sec. We are having a breakthrough here. Look, just go get a couple tapioca puddings and a couple foons and let's just come back and let's just focus. Yeah, it's a fork and a spoon. It's a combination.

I mean, we can't give you real silverware in here. I can take two sponsors. You know, we should be us. Have you met John? Have you met the other patient here, John? John, I can take your two suppositories. I have two buttholes. That's not true. Yeah, and that's, I really didn't want to get into that,

but that's been a real key to your psychotic nature as this deep obsession with orifices. And the deep concern. Well, I mean, that's not me. That's not me. I'm not obsessed with buttholes and stuff. Like, I just,'s not me. That's not me. I'm not obsessed with but holes and stuff like I just it's it's use it or 50% of what we hear you talk about here the cleaners I mean maybe at the end of the day. I think I kind of phased out the but hole talk over time I brought it up once

Yeah, and then I became a thing. John come here, please John. How did you get birch it all over your clothes? I love boats. Oh God Let me I'm gonna go wash these real quick. Can I have some soup? Well, yeah Chris hunt You you have a very friendly face. You just kind of remind me of somebody. Okay. I used to know I've said this is gonna always had a reference to the song Somebody that I used to know and you're always making references. I mean it and then you look me daddy eyes And you go you love it. I mean it. And then you look me deadly eyes and you go, you love it. And I say, I don't. And my question is, are are you by any chance destined to die in the next three months? No. Okay. I was gonna quit in two to three months. Wait, what? I'm gonna quit from two to three

months. Listen, I have a degree from Wisconsin. Okay, I'm a proud badger. And I have a degree in psychology myself And I want to do something with it, but you're doing important work here I mean all the people that we're helping I mean we're The people that we could help if we just banded together and fought against the forces of darkness hell We're back in the tavern. Where were you before I was I in... I don't know, something weird is going on, guys. You just said that whole ham's like... I don't know.

Who's me? I... A second ago, I was... I think I was on Earth. I was in, like, it looked like a hospital on Earth. Hmm. You've been here the whole time. What was I talking about?

Hmm, same thing you usually talk about. But holes and stuff. Look guys, I do... I almost..., I never talk about but holes anymore. I feel like. Doctor Ward, Doctor Ward, I say less stuff about but holes, right? I mean, you've had a great obsession of course with child death for quite some time. I assume that that's maybe what, what spurred this was your new parent. You weren't ready for the significant responsibilities and that's what sure. One day in the back of a fast food restaurant, it happens your brain just disconnects and says, I've got to find a world where everything works.

You know, we've tried to learn more about this place that you're living in and whenever we ask you to come back, the response we always get is, I don't want to talk about earth stuff. Well, and that's all we can talk about here on Earth. So, are you willing to work with us? Are you willing to work with us this time? Doctor, I do need to let you know that, or the past few weeks, when Arnie is in his isolation, that he's been referring to you as the loony ward. He keeps saying how he needs to go off and find the loony ward.

Okay, well, I understand that he's quite the punster. Dr. Ward, go find the loony ward. Sure, I understand. That quest, I think he says, is a quest to find the loony ward. I think you'll find Mr. Hunt you'll find, Mr. Hunt, that's a perfectly normal reaction with a patient. And I'm sure you're gonna go off. We've got good patients here. We've got the lottery winner.

My shift is almost, who leaves the same question. Wait a while, you went. My shift is almost over. I'm, we're about to change shifts here. You're about, you're, and then a shape shift? What?

No, I'm about to change shifts. You're going to change shifts. Just be sure you check in on that cheerleader who believes that she's fighting vampires. Oh, yeah. Can you give her a for me? Yeah. Arnold.

Crunch time. It's, it's Arnie. OK. You know, I should probably write that down. Here's what I want to do. OK. What I want to do, let's take some time to talk about this, this, this mystical land, where you, where you go to when, when you want to do let's let's take some time to talk about this this this mystical land

Where you where you go to when when you need to find security and safety? Let's talk about I mean, it's obviously a very erratically plotted world But I think we can talk about some of the constants Radically plotted. Let's talk about wait. Hold on everything that's happening here in the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogg's face, in the land of Foon, it totally makes sense. I mean, look, there's a lot, I mean, it's a crazy, fantastical world, so then obviously... Crazy. I mean, well, you know what, I mean, it's like a different, it's different from my world, but so it's...

Yeah, we've talked... But I think there's an internal logic, there's like a storyline that you can follow from week to week that I think builds over time. Most certainly that is true. For if there's one constant in this world, it is the ever-present danger of the Dark Lord. And I, I, you sadore, shall defeat this monstrosity. I, this pure embodiment of evil and darkness. And I shall do what air it takes to bring him down and make sure that all the beautiful children and men in women and elves and wars and birds and badges and

Badger kings and earthen's on food are safe. I mean of anybody's crazy. He's crazy. That's the magician that you know. Is that right? Well, I think he's... I'm a wizard. Wizards are born, magicians learn magic. Well, you and let's dive into that in just a minute. We're gonna take a break. Dr. Ward, do you want anything from the bar? Do I want anything from the bar? Yeah, we're gonna take a break,

we're gonna do a little sponsor stuff. Dr. Ward, Dr. Ward, I was about to check out for my shift and I noticed that in Arnie's room the flower that we put on the windowsill is mangled and torn and ripped the sunder. I knew this was going to happen. We've got to stop putting the flower. What is he doing to that flower? What does that flower do to him? Look, this is your right. Let's just take a couple minutes. I'm going to explain to you how he is projecting his his his deeply rooted anger out onto objects like this and So would you like to take a couple moments? Yeah, we're gonna take a couple moments and we're gonna take a quick break boys

Nice boys nice And we're back so uh Doctor Ward I know I know what it's like to be a doctor on earth But what is it like what is a doctor on Earth, but what is a doctor do on phone? Little. Oh, okay. I don't think I know enough about phone to answer that.

I oversee the institute here. We've been working very hard to improve mental health throughout the Midwest. What do I do? There's, of course course a lot of paperwork and I have to see like you, patients here who we think we can help. Is that kind of the answer that you're looking for here, Arnie? Ask him what sorts of spells he knows.

Oh, well, you said or you can ask. That's all right. Well, Dr. Ward, what kind of spells do you can you do? Well, we've had a lot of success with some new medications that we think can really provide an awakening for someone who's trapped into into a mental state. Oh, an awakening, are we doing a kind of a Robin Williams thing or we all name? We all name Robin like the awakening. Oh gosh, it's a patch.

Adam, is that, Doctor, Doctor Ward, can I talk to you for a second? Of course, just hold on one moment, okay. I was just in Arnie's room, and you know that the winter mittens that we allowed him to wear. Of course, I got very cold here. Yes, he's arranged them in some very narrow, long pattern.

And there's a piece of paper and it's scrolled all these rules. And where if you, in order to wear the mittens, you have to, there has to be a dead bird or the baskin robins. I don't like it. No, I brush. It's pure gibberish. It is. It is. It's all part of the Bania. That's just, don't like it. No, I'm gibberish, it's pure gibberish. It is, it is, it's all part of the Bania.

Let's just, just please put it in the chart. I'm just, it's terrifying. And he carved, he took a raw potato and carved the word gorgeous into it. Okay, I've needed to cut off the potatoes for once. We need to pop his medication. Cut off. He needs to take two or even three suppositories.

Okay, we will do that. I just don't wanna see too much medication and there's just this rainbow of vomit that results. We have to pace it gently. Look. I'm sorry. No, that's all right. So Dr. Ward, what kind of sex do you have?

Is it like... Now we're getting into it, baby. Yeah, high five, John. Yeah. Is it like, I don't know. I know, that's a very personal question. I know. You I don't know, I know that's a very personal question. I do. You don't have to answer it.

It's a truly personal question. But like, is it like a magical kind of thing? You know, Arnold, Arnold, Arnold. Yeah, Arnold, Arnold. Yeah, Arnold. Arnold. Yes, Arnold. Yes, Slippery, what?

Arnold, ask him what, how many bottles he asks. Can I talk to you a moment about your companions in this world you live in? Yeah, my boon companions. Exactly. Now, one of them you've explained is, is someone who changes shape. That's right, they can become anything.

Yeah, Chant. Well, I mean, I refer to him as a talking badger, but he can shape shift whenever, you know, he has sex with a animal. I don't like to go into it. Yeah, tell him. I just want you to think about the practicality since you brought up the sex issue.

This is the means by which he transforms into another state. Right? Yeah. It's not really good evolution for that. I mean, you usually develop some sort of ability because it's going to protect you from predators. And so shape shifting would actually

be a tremendous ability to have. If you knew an enemy was coming along, you would change into that enemy to be forced to stop and engage an intercourse with another creature in order to affect the change is a one-way ticket to extinction. He brings up a good point, though, there are predators around Nerry Corner, either minions of the Dark Lord do he now surround us on, we are in constant danger. I know, I know we're in constant danger, Y said or I don't don't take no my warnings of danger I'm glad you mentioned the constant danger that it seems to exist in the world that you're in

The the magician the the I think he's a wizard. He's not a gist. You're okay. I'm sorry. It's it's you said or is that right? Yes, you're the wizard You said always in the 12th realm of a ceasaster of Light and Shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the Great Halls of Tarakas, known to the elves as fying Yalek to the doors as Zonin and Hugsdanger, and the northeast as Gess Wayne used to. Yes, my name is Zonin. Wait, I'm sorry, I forgot. Are there other names that I've forgotten?

There are other names that you probably don't know yet, but I forgot. Wait, I'm sorry. I forgot. Are there other names that I've... There are other names that you probably don't know yet, but I forgot. I feelin' Zellig, which is... I feel... Still the worst. I'm interested that you bring that up. We, of course, tried to show you the motion picture Zellig to help you understand a character.

The character portrayed is someone who is not able to exist in reality, and thereby transforms himself into other things in order to hide himself. And I thought you might look at that character and say, oh, I see what's going on. This is me. Oh, that would have been good information to have this outside. And instead you just keep walking around saying Zellig, doctor. Am I okay to go ahead and give John Bastion his injection?

Absolutely. John, John. What? Okay. I don't want my injection. It's going to be okay. John. John. What? Okay. It's going to be okay. Okay. It's going to be alright.

If he bites me, I swear to God. I- I'm a biker! Man, that feline's electric joke. Just never took off. Don't bite me, John. Don't bite me. All right.

This is- Do you know that that's why Jen left? You made Jen leave. I don't- I didn't want to make Jen leave. All right. Can right. This is, do you know that that's why Jen left? You may Jen leave. I don't. I didn't want to make Jane leave. All right, let's, let's, let's, Jane leave. Jen leave.

Jane leaveies. Frazier. Right? Guys, are we gonna do that? Let's do this. Let's put the rock in John's mouth. I know he thinks it's a magic rock, so if we can put the magic rock in.

Oh, you're about to hear, you're gonna fly. You're gonna fly. Here you go. That seems really unsafe. And one, two, three. There we go. You're gonna fly, you're gonna fly. Here you go. That seems really unsafe. And one, two, three. There we go. Oh yeah, baby.

Yeah, sleep time, baby. Sleep time. It's falling asleep. Like a nice little baby. Ruff-a-b-b-b. Rock-a-mouth, baby. With used-ador sleep, I feel very alone. I feel very alone.

I know. And chent isn't chent. There's a world waiting for you. There's a world out there waiting for you. You don't have to feel alone anymore. I mean, I could go home. I mean, it's not going to be an immediate process. We have to re-acclimate you to the world at large.

A lot has gone on that you've missed. You have many niles to go. Yeah, niles to go, baby. I don't get those puns. Niles, can I go home? What do I have to do to go home and see my wife and see my daughter? There is nothing we would like more than for you to go home. I think this is what we need to do. Think back to how you got to this magical place. That's what we need to know. How did you leave Earth and end up in

Foon? What was the method by which you got there? What was the method? Yes, think back and as much detail as you can explain how you got yourself to this other place. You wanted me to tell you how I traversed the dimension. I think that's the only way. I think if we can find out how you did it, maybe that's the thing that will take you away from this dark lord forever. Yes, if you'd like to leave this, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I don't know my name. I can never get that thing right. I've heard that thing 50 some times. Otto. I get it wrong every time. Well, stop fucking hitting me here. Stop hitting me.

Doctor Ward. Ooh. Chunt. I miss you, buddy. I miss you, buddy. I miss you. Oh. You said, or?

I have you, Otto. Let's all hands. This is not weird. What, what, what are you doing? Doctor Ward, what's going on? What is going on? We're trying to help you here. Everyone here at the Bellar Auth Institute wants to help you.

Fight back, Autumn, you can do it. You know too much stuff about, you know too much Earth. Like, who are you? Who are you really? I'm Dr. Mark Ward. I'm a graduate of Cornell University. You look weird around the edges. I grew up by the lake next to the big apple

I the lake next to the big apple those are food things. I I'm sure I've written that down somewhere from waiting that you would I entice you with a delicious plate of Spice potatoes. Oh, that would be Oh, that would be more than a second. Oh, I- I- I'm Dr. Mark Ward. I am a graduate of Cornell University and I- Come back to us, Arnold. What are you really, Dr. Ward? I-

I- The power of slice between us can tell you. Oh, no, this is gross! Oh, my God! Ooh! I am revealed. Holy shit! Oh, how have you done this?

How you affected my revelation? Oh, well, you today face the Triumbrate! I, yay, chunt, Arnold and Yusador cannot be defeated. By the dark forces of the dark lord, Take thyself away from this tavern you piece of garbage He will be most displeased His servants will see how to gain the information of how you travel between the two worlds

I cannot be found I was going for hiding face the light gale of licking cover! I see! Yeah, tell him, boy's nice, isn'tcha? Boy's night! Boy's night! Oh, you have learned the truth. But you will not catch Walt at his name! You will not find me! Waltied me. Waltied at the...

Waltied at the... Here's what we're gonna do. On the count of three, all three of us say Gale of licking cover, and it'll be boy's light. One, two, three. Gale of victor comma and it'll be boys light One two three So so that was so sweet Man, yeah, ah instead of a rainbow bowl for you. I have a blade That you're not gonna be able to hide that pierce

So thank you Waltie Taita's nay so much for being here on the podcast I don't know you put some kind of weird spell on me or something, so fuck you for that, but sure. Yeah, it's pretty. It's like an ocean. Yeah, so I'd love to learn more about what it's like to be a monster or demon that messes with my brain, but we're kind of in a time, so Chant John did you get any emails this week? Yeah let me read an email here this is to chunt at gmail.com that's chunt with 16 you can also reach me on

Twitter at chunt with 16 I took off that rune and I am starving can I get you sir can you order me like a toss out and scramble eggs? I toss out and scramble eggs! Here we have an email from Daniel Stewart. Daniel writes, this is called Sanitation as the title here. After more than a year, I am still amazed at how unhelpful Arnie has been to Foon. It seems even as, it seems even an Earthling with rudimentary knowledge could improve Foon's sanitation. Maybe Arnie could even reduce the levels of child death he seems so upset about.

Sorry, you got a failed podcaster and not some sort of doctor from Daniel. You know what, Daniel? No. If we've learned anything today, yeah, it's that doctors are the worst. Yeah. Daniel, you know what? Ornie is a good friend of mine and I will not tolerate any more emails, disparaging my friend.

Thank you, Coach. Okay, he's been an amazing friend and I'm gonna die soon, so... No, no, no more no no more gonna save you I'm gonna say it's fine I Got so much blood you know we cause so many messes in this place Yeah, it's all right so much like shit and blood mostly blood, but then shit, see man, well that stuff. Here, you know, if you want to email me,

you can email me at MagicTaver and at puppies.supplies. It's a real email address, not something a crazy person made up. Uh, I got an email, I'd like to say that I often feel I relate to chunt. His personality often reminds me of my own. Use it or you are an amazing wizard. Thank you, I know.

We're... We're we acquainted, I'd be asking for so many tiny horses with top hats and monocles. Arnie, please be less sad the entire time. Hey, it really brings this show down. Best regards from Earth, Ella. First of all, fuck you, Ella. That's right, nobody makes fun of Arnie's supper. Yay!

That's right. And second of all, that's right and second of all You know what people people is like I think I'd be the chunt of the show I don't think that's right people always like miss labeled themselves. It's like I would be some aunt that no you would be a Charlotte I'm sorry. Who is that email from again? Ella? Ella? Ella? Ella I'm just gonna remember it's starting to rain. All right well thank you so much guys oh and if you're listening at home to this podcast give us some stars on iTunes. It's it will actively help us on our quest and will make

everything everything better for everybody. Can I ask you I've always wanted to do something again times running out. Sure. Since it's raining I've always wanted to fly a kite. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm were all in my mind. Every joke would make sense to me. Boy, you are not looking good. Ooh, he should have had some bronze on, because that pierce is not looking good. Really? That's what we're doing, the mental institution card? Well, great. Craig, clear my schedule, burn all the dry cleaning, and have all the members a book club executed we have a lot to deal with. It's not every week we manage to steal from Star Trek the next generation, the magicians and four other things I can think of at the top of my head in one go. I think Tarantino calls that homage. Impressive. Needless to say, none of this is really happening, but just for the sake

of stretching an already thin metaphor to the breaking point, John Sebastian was played by human actor Matt Young. Mr. Hunt was played by Adel Raphai. Dr. Ward was played by special guest Shane Wilson, who is yet another member of World News Tonight. Bungery Chobbins was played by Tom Gottlieb. Craig, finish up, I'm going to go paint a picture of my feelings. Hello from The Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacoba and Rhyndi Georgie, this one edited by Rhyndi Georgie, music by Andy Poland, logo by Aller LeBon, extra sound designed by Jason Knox. Visit us at hellofromthemagictevern.com or on Facebook or Twitter or Earwolf.

And thanks to Earwolf and also the Chicago podcast co-op. What else? Craig, if they say this was all a dream next week, I will literally mail to whoever is nearby and you're the only person who's nearby. Okay, you need to lie down. Well, that's it. He's retreated even deeper into his inner psyche. I think we've lost him this time. Doctor, the thing I don't understand is he's built this incredible, rich, deep,

fantastical world. No, I mean, there's so much in there that he's so much explore so much explore. And yet he stays in the tavern the whole time. I think that's the thing about his side kind of thing. Doesn't make sense. No, no. All right, do you want to come back to my office

and listen to a podcast? No. No. You're right. You're right.