Hello From The Magic Tavern - 61 - Sheriff

Episode Date: May 9, 2016

Is there a new sheriff in town? No, she’s had this job for a while. But she’s new to me: this week I talk to Gianessa Relkorus, the first female Sheriff of Hogsface.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungGianessa Relkorus, Sheriff of Hogsface: Dana QuercioliJimminent Turlybirther, the Confidential Courier: Tim BaltzKrom the Fingarian: Mark LogsdonOtok Barleyfoot: Nick BaerFlower: Brooke BreitBungaree Chubbins: Tom GottleibCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Here we go. The following podcast is not real, but it is really brought to you by Ankelgecko. Oh, I see. Earwolf, he wrote, but it's supposed to be... It's Earwolf. And it continues to be sponsored by cards against humanity who want you to send small dimensional portal-sized care packages to cards against humanity. 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois, 60642, care of Arnie Neacamp, Vermillion Minotaur, town of Hogs face land of Foon.

They'll shun through the dimensional portal behind the Burger King, and get them to the Nuggleheads year about to listen to. So enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arne and E. Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is what you need to know. About a year and some change ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the fantastical, magical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting

a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional portal, and I use that to upload a podcast that I record every week here in the tavern the Vermilion Minotaur in the town hogs face in the land of Phoon. Excuse me gentlemen. I couldn't help but see the three of you sitting here. What are you telling you? I'm a confidential career. You spoke to us last week. Jim, you pulled this con on us last week. Let's hear it. I'm carrying a most secret page, and I could absolutely not tell you what it is.

And that's, of course, a round of meat, a talent-thwine, and maybe a rainbow ball. Jim, you did this last week. You already have conned almost every table in to think, but all of a sudden. Is this secret beat some furlain shy, right? Well, goodness. And let me guess, you want at them. every table in to think you're putting your butt on it's a secret beat some furling shy right well goodness And let me guess you want at them. Well, go ahead do your worst Get out of here. Get out of here. Yeah, oh

My god, I don't like the meaning to ask you do you want big hands again? I do it's been a hard week We're turning him. Thank you, but it's so cute to watch you drink from your cup Yeah, I know it was kind of a little baby Little baby hands. I can just I can and I am use a door Wizard of the 12th realm of a fesious master of life. Oh, wait, sorry I'm using all the lights use it or sorry. Sorry. I'm so sorry because I want to hear this from the beginning and I I'm used to Wizard of the 12 realm of feces

Master of light and shadow manipulator of magical delights devour of chaos Champion of the great holes of drugs the elves know me is fying yalak the walls know me is done in a new stingy's and No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I have a reveal. It's my choice. And thank you, Klo, for that sick wizard of the 12th realm of Fisi's birth for email last week. Yes, with all the wit I've come to expect from our things. It's much more challenging to interrupt your name at the very beginning. Usually I have to wait till near the end,

and I have to really hop onto the beginning. You notice how two other people came up with better pottens than feline zeleg? It's true, it's true. But you know what, someday, when you least expect it, that feline zeleg pun is gonna pay off. I doubt it. And I'm also joined as always by my best buddy, Chant.

Bigy-Boo, how you doing bud? Pretty good. I'm still wearing two crowns. That's right. Yeah. And as people know at this point, I am King of all badgers in all baby hands. King of all baby hands?

Yeah. So I'm your ruler. You said you're made my hands bigger again. Oh, sorry. Narts. Narts. Hey, you know what? Why don't we talk to our guests?

I'm very excited. We have kind of like an important figure in Hogsface. I'm excited to talk to Giannessa. Giannessa, I'm sorry, I'm gonna mess up your last name. Giannessa, Rell Corris? That's correct. Giannessa Rell Corris, the first female sheriff of Hogsface. Yes, thank you, gentlemen.

Good evening. Good evening. Are you currently working or would you like to have a drink with us? I would love, honestly. Can I? I would love to have a drink with you three. It would be my pleasure to get something for you. Yeah, it's on you, Sador. What would you like?

A glass of meat or ale, a pills, or anything. What are you, gentlemen? What are you drinking? I'm going to have a strong stout ale. I'm just going to have a water. I ale. I'm just gonna have a water. I'm just trying to slow it down on the drink in a little bit lately. Meat fondle. But do not let that slow you,

don't let that discourage you from having something. That won't slow me down. I've just completed my... John, what do you want? Shift it. I'll take a King's juice. King's juice? What is that?

This is a raspberry with meat, but... Oh, you just decided to give it a name like a year later Hey, I have like what were we still there? He has dominion over the badges. Let him name a drink. Okay fair enough fair enough. So I'm sorry Gianessa you just finished your shift. Yes. Yes. Is it difficult being the first first of all? Is it difficult being a sheriff in Hogs face? It's it Crime is at an all-time high right now in the space. Really? Yes.

Is there any reason it's on the rise that you can tell? You know I want to blame it on the tides. Mmm, the tides? But I can't, because every, it happens every, every eight hours or so there's a spike in crime. Every eight hours! If you're not noticed? I don't.

I rarely leave the tavern. That's a problem that you need to address in your own. I do, I do, it's true. So like, what? You adore Shirley, I'm sorry to interrupt, but Shirley, you have noticed. The ryses. The spike in crime every eight hours. I, of course, for eight hours, the tides begin to shift,

and the dark lord grows empowered. His servants, his minions come out of the cracks between the very shadows and find their way into hog space where they create what a destruction and hatred and there's a lot of petty theft and there's like the pickpocketing and stuff like that what a name calling terrible name calling so like every eight hours. You're just like, ah, there's just so much crime Yes, is it let like what level is it at the rest of the time when I say levels It might be different my levels might be different than your levels on earth on earth

How did you how did we what did you account for crime levels? I don't you know? I don't really know we I there were statistics like we we kept like numbers of everything, but I don't really know that much about it. I'm never good with math. So like in an average Earth Day, how many donkey beatings were there in your town? In my town? Yes, God, you know, I would hope none, but you know what? Probably one. Just one? Probably one. But I laugh at that number. Really? I laugh at that number. You're in food. A lot of times we'll take donkeys, especially if they're from Shrike.

We'll string them up, and then we, what do we do? We string them up, we hang them. And then what we do is we all take, you know, like a club, and we'll just beat the crap out of it. But usually we'll close our eyes, just so it's more fun.

Uh-huh. You don't have the number? No, well, I mean, we have something similar to that but they're not real donkeys. What do you use? We just use like paper mache animals that are filled with candy. Isn't that one of your secret names? Papa Mise. Of course. Who knows you as Papa Mise. Oh, the little little pixies of the torrent thrust oh Micechay, oh come back. Oh come back They desperately want me to feed them berries all the time. I don't have time to do it all the time. I'm just one That's how I feel sometimes

Yeah, Jan, that's a you I got us you have a great you have a great burden upon your shoulders. I gotta say you look tired. I am so tired. Barky, can we get her a shot- a shot for the sheriff? I would love it. But not a shot for the deputy, please. Yeah, no, of course not. We're not getting along. Oh, what's wrong with your deputy?

Do I know him, her, or it? It's definitely him. Ooh. It's definitely him if I had to give you three clues. Yeah. Who it was? Who's the biggest bastard you can think of on this cell? No, Kyle.

No, that's not. It's the second biggest bastard you can think of in this town. I'm sorry, aren't you? No offense. Are you any drunk? No, it's no version of aren't. Oh, a Doug rent. Yep.

Doug rent. On the nose. Oh, boy. What's wrong with Doug rent? What isn't wrong with Doug rententh. On the nose. Oh boy. What's wrong with Doug Renth? What isn't wrong with Doug Renth? He used to be the blacksmith and now he thinks he's a big deal. Anyone can take something hot and make it into something.

Anyone can do that. Any one of us. Yeah. But can he shoot a longbow the way I can? That's right. Being a sheriff like with a longbow. Do you have to use your longbow very often? can. That's right. Being a sheriff like with a longbow. Do you have to use your longbow very often? I have to. Yeah. I also want to. So it works

out for me. That's great. If you shoot an arrow, do you have to do a lot of paper work afterwards? Oh, the paper work. And you know I didn't take this job to sit behind a desk. Sure. What did you take the job to do to shoot people with arrows? Shoot them clean through. Yeah, can't you just use your mates every once in a while? I could I Could but I'll tell you what we say that we use that first, but we don't yeah Well, it's a metal ball spikes on it. Oh, I'm well aware of what it is That first time it's left. No, I was just saying yeah, but they say it for you know Don't try to harm first fully like don't try and kill yeah harm

First do harm first the rule here first first harm then kill Then resurrect and I'm fair enough. Oh, yes, wait with that order again harm kill resurrect Harm kill, resurrect, interrogate. Oh, wow. Did you take... Well, my whole like thing is really fighting the forces of evil, but I, you know, crime fighting gets mixed in with that, of course. Yes. Yes, so I know a little bit.

Oh, but you said, or don't get individual anti-justice. Oh. This is what looks like. She's the sheriff. At this point though, I'm very tired tired and if you want to take on a couple Let's find that pervert and kill him Tell you what I am looking for someone really it's funny that you say pervert. I am looking for a pervert currently Well, you're in the right place. Yeah, we just are current pervert. Not that way. Oh, sorry. Sorry

I Mean we all want a pervert of soared, the pervert that matches our own perversion. Yes. Well, you know, a pervert on the streets and then a different kind of pervert on the sheets. Yes, exactly. Oh, you're speaking of an unwanted pervert. Yes.

Oh, an undesirable life. Actually, if you have those around. Fellas, if you can help me out, I've been on the lookout for a long time. Sure. For a courier. This guy is a real piece. Sure. For a courier. Uh, this guy. Oh, he's a real piece of work.

Oh, Marala. Jim courier? Otherwise known as Jimnant Terley Bertha? Jimnant Terley Bertha, yes. Yeah, he was just here. Yes, you just missed. Did he do that bullshit about anal beads? Yeah, but none of us fell for it.

The second time. None of us fell. I think Ernie was in a little bit of Jimnant danger. Uh, look. He got you. He got you good. I can see it all over your face. This is second time none of us I think Ernie was in a little bit of Jim in a danger Look you got you he got you good. I can see it all over your face Arnie He used to make a probably he was so I look he was so y'all like he really drew me in at the beginning Oh, sure hey Jim career Hey, yeah, it starts with love and then you know it goes from there. He paints a picture his But what's like the North Star people are chasing after it. Yeah. Arnold is a real Bertha.

No, I'm not. I am not. I'm not a Bertha. I'm a whatever the opposite of a Bertha is. You see, sometimes I have to be a Bertha. Are you talking about when a woman goes into labor and you're just trying to be a sheriff, but you have to deliver a baby? Oh! In the back of a cart, yes. Yes.

It happens all the time. How often do you have to deliver a baby as the sheriff? You know, I didn't think it was gonna be as bad as it actually is. I have delivered myself this month alone 14 children. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. So it's pretty much like donkey-beating child,

donkey-beating, donkey-beating, like a robbery, and then more donkey-beating and another child. Oh, sure. And the thing about donkey beatings is this here's where it gets hard because it is a thin line because it's illegal to beat donkeys but it's also illegal not to. Oh that's down. Yes you have to know exactly where in the range you fall. Are you on the legal side of the illegal side of it? Yeah. Depending on where the sun lies in the sky it could be perfectly legal or perfectly illegal

to be the donkey. Cool, gosh. And a lot of donkeys here are like massive depressive. Like they're super depressed. Super depressed. They're like, they hang their head. They're really sad. Wouldn't you be if people called you an ass all day long?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm starting to feel that way. I can relate. Have you seen ass all day long. Yeah, I'm starting to feel that way. I can relate. Have you seen my emails? No. Are they missing? Is that another crime I have to solve? No, no, I do not want to add to your load.

Let's hang out. Let's, you know. Sean gave a good chuckle when he said load. What I don't know, fellas. I think he's just very juvenile. See you,I. Yes. Yusador is now committed to helping you fight Rhyme in Hogsface. Yusador, I, GNSI, am now committed to helping you fight the Dark Lord.

Wonderful. So you've officially joined my quest. So if we defeat all the crime here in Hogsface, then she shall be free to join me upon the road where we shall find glory and wonder as we defeat that dark master of all I that would destroy us if we would let you But you said or if you're gonna turn to vigilante justice to help Clean up hogs face I should probably change my voice you're right. We changed your voice and have some kind of a secret That's that works for me. Did. What did that do to you guys?

I didn't know. You must face you, Siddore. It seems real affected. That did something to me and my nethers. Yeah. I don't think that's the voice. I don't think that's the voice we want. It's the voice you need.

Yes, that is the voice I shall affect when I go about fighting crime, you know. It's great. I should get a voice like that. Oh, yes, you should. Yeah, if you turn, you know, on your off hours, if you did vigilante justice, what would your voice be? It's gonna be a nice night out there. It's gonna be a good night. Everybody's gonna make love. Wow. So your superhero character would be Super Mario.

Why don't earth people are kind of indifferent to it? I believe that. Oh! What? What? You said, or what's wrong? I am sensing a resonant stone. I feel a message coming to us from those brave Adventures upon the road. That's right. The resident stone. We're gonna hear from otak flower and crom the thing here

Now you don't have explain it. Oh, yeah, yeah, let's listen the rocky talkies Hello Hello, is this thing on This is crom otakowler are both fast asleep. I think Fowler's just passed out. She was hitting the cast of wine pretty hard this evening. Just wanted to record some of my thoughts from today. On the road I saw a caterpillar. I just wanted to record some of my thoughts from today.

On the road, I saw a caterpillar crossing the road, and I thought, boy, that's gonna take forever. Look how tiny he is. And I'm so big. But then it made me think, what if there's something so big in the land of food that to them I am the caterpillar. And then I think, huh, it's all relative, isn't it? Being big, being small, I burned myself three times today. I was angry at the fire. I'm gonna try switching up my diet I think a bit on this trip. More vegetables and fruit. How is that you? Oh, oh, oh, talk. Oh, shit. Are you whole back my pedals?

I got a puke. Back to, uh, sorry guys, as I being loud. What are you doing? Uh, nothing. I just, uh, I think you left the resident stone out. I just came over to turn it off. All right, we'll just turn it off and get it turned in. All right, I need you fresh tomorrow.

Oh, flower, you okay? Yeah, just spoon with me I'm up you got you Oh, that was the message for this week. Oh wow great. I kind of I kind of miss crumb Well who wouldn't he's of charming and sensitive young man? Why don't we give a drink from the bar? Yeah, let's take a quick break. Uh, GNS, let's get you a drink and... Well, I got her a shot, but she threw it away.

It was a shot without warning. Didn't know it was coming and a duck threw it tucked and rolled. Hey, she's the sheriff. I already did that way. I need to be right back. I've been under the care of my good friends at the hog's face, free magic and blood-ledding clinic. For an ongoing problem with me, I've had for the past 50 odd years. But fine folks, there I recommend them. There's no better place to go over the lonely holidays, just to say hello and get strapped

to a plank for a vein cleansing. Of course, that don't sell chamber pots. And I've got lots of inventory these days. So please come visit Chubbun's chamber pots and so forth. I'm sober again, and happy to be back, sponsoring Hello from the magic. Davern. So, Gianessa, I've got to ask.

We've heard about it how tough it is being a sheriff of Hogsface. Is it especially difficult being the first female sheriff of Hogs face? You guys don't even know. I had to pretend for the first for the first five years of my service. I had to pretend to be male. Really? Yes. And what voice did you use to do that? It was... Let's see if I can get back into it. Hold on. Somebody say hello to me. Hello.

From the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical elephant. Shut up! Hello! It's a hit. It's a good day to have a penis. Yeah. Oh, it nailed it.

Wow, it is a hot day to have a penis. That's a good point. Never thought about it. It is. Oh. Some days you're just walking around and you're sweating. Why is this here between my legs? Yeah, and people are talking about the weather like, oh god, it's a hot day, you're like, yeah, and I've got a penis. Yeah, we're hot nights. So hot today.

I'm somewhere in the city. Yeah. It's hot for this thing between my legs. That's the same as the one between yours. Yeah, back on my penis getting dirty and gritty. You see Arnold as progressive as Foon Caden be in many ways. Yeah. It is still difficult for women in the workforce.

I'm sure. For there is a prejudice that men are stronger and bigger and better fighters, but it is not true. I have fought beside many female adventurers were just as handy as their male counterparts. But you see, often a young lady who wishes to adventure, spends some time as a young squire or a young boy in disguise. Really? Did you, now when you were pretending to be a man, did you ever, you know, find that your co-workers

had romantic feelings for you that confused them? All the time. Yeah. All the time. And you know what's hard is that it was a fine ruse for me to keep up for that number of years, but every time when I was, you know the time when the ladies uncleaned for seven days,

that was hard to dis- Sure. That was hard to dis- Sure. That was hard to dis- Sure. Yeah, I imagine it would be. I had to make up so many different excuses. Like, what were some of those excuses? I've been run through.

Oh, yeah. I just love red pants. Yes. I spilled spaghetti. Yes. Uh, spaghetti. You think? Yeah. Lady Sheriff, wait one second. Okay. Just love red pants! Yes! I spilled spaghetti! Yes! Uh, speaking of spaghetti, Lady Sheriff, wait one second.

Okay, you don't have to call her Lady Sheriff. But you may. Here, I gotta hold her to the tramp. Here, come here. Ah, get your hands off of me! Uh, Sheriff, thank goodness you're here. These men accused me of having the secret beads of firling shyre inside me And they groped me and and they had their way with me. It's true Arnold did it.

Batman logic justice has been served Here I'm gonna put a play to spaghetti between the two of you. Oh don't mind if I do The tramp has one end Don't mind if I do. The tramp has one end. Go! Oh! I forgot how he eats and drinks. I've lost my appetite immediately.

Oh, I thought the lady and the tramp are both going to start eating that spaghetti. So did I. You wanted me to? Oh, full plate. That'll help with the next round of talent-wide and rainbow bowls and meads that I have. You're under arrest. You're under suspicion of needing a good tale. What?

I am Jim Courier. Jim Courier, we know who you are. What? And I'm going to place you in stocks now. Yeah. Ooh. What are some of the punishments that you have here in food stocks? Stocks. Stocks are good good, stocks are so good.

You know what, there's so much fun because a lot of people think, you know, there's no worst punishment than humiliation. And this one is good because it's humiliation and physical pain. Yeah, that's a great one. And you know, we encourage people, bring fruit, bring, bring old things you want to get rid of from your from your homes and just chuck them at people just say do what you like yeah you're often humiliated what are you being punished for no I'm racking my brain to

find out what what I've done to deserve all the humiliation that has come into my life I don't think you need to look that deep but you know that we have Jim Courier in our grasp what shall we do him? Put him in the stocks for a day? A week? How long? We could put him in the stocks. We could put him in the dungeon. You could put me wherever you'd like. Once I get the secret beads of furling shower in my mouth, I'll disappear. You'll never hear from me again. I tell you what, Jim. Yes. I will to rest you if you can produce those beads right now. From your own anus, no one may help him. You can produce those beads right now.

I will set you on your way. You'll be free. All right, just reach down into my anus. Oh, he's gonna, I feel like he's gonna enjoy us watching and do this. Everyone, look away. Don't give him the satisfaction of watching him dig into his own anus. Let's all look away.

One, two secret beads. Those are not beads. Here they are. Now I'm going to place one. I'm not right here. And I can't be out. I'm going to place one, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I It might be up for a quick nap by the bar. Now that you have a wizard fighting crime with you, how do you feel about ironic punishments? I love them. You Jim Currier, I shall shrink you down to the size of a hummingbird, and I shall hide you inside this glass bottle for a week!

Shhh! Give him a top hat. With a tiny top hat, bing! Alright, now you're gonna put him inside that glass bottle. Yes, here in this glass bottle. Oh, bottle! Yes, it's bottle. What did you think I said? I swear you said glass butthole. Thought we all heard butthole.

I mean, that would have been more of the like the full ironic thing to do. What is a glass butthole? I don't know, you say? It's very delicate. It's very delicate. Oh, uh, JNS, what is your experience with... Do you have a glass butthole? Well, my father actually was a glass blower. It's very delicate. Oh, uh, Jinesa, what is your experience with... Do you have a glass bottle? Well, my father actually was a glass blower.

Oh! Yes, so I don't have a glass bottle, but... I'd be lying if I said there weren't several around my home growing up. Sure, oh yeah, I'm sure. And as a child, they've got to be faster. Don't tap on that. He's in there, don't tap on that. What? I'm curious.

Don't tap on that. Shake it, shake it, shake it. Don't shake it, don't shake it. So, Gina, the question, my biggest question. Yes. So you had to pretend to be a man for a long time. Yes. Share for food. Did you reveal yourself to be a woman or were you discovered? What happened? I revealed myself. I could no longer lie. When you become a sheriff, or even a deputy, or even an officer of the law you take an oath to tell the truth and to serve and protect the villagers and in everyone in forest creatures, you know this, God wants you to protect everyone you can't even if they're evil, intentioned.

And I just had just one of the guys. I am not just one of the guys I I am not just one of the guys. I'd never played football I never did. I never tried to play football It was you know what I'm saying. It was a moment of clarity for me where I said come clean. Yeah Tell everyone the truth so without saying an honest a goodness word I stood up in the town in front of everyone and just removed my clothing. And I stood there and I put my arms out, my arms were just

outstretched and I looked up. I wish it had been warmer the day I did it, but I should, you know what, sometimes when you make up your mind to do something. Yeah, sure, cold day to have a vagina. You know what I should have said that, that would have been outstanding if I had said that. Yeah, that would have just broken the tension. I just screamed look. It's not uncommon that once a lady who's been

disguised for some time as a man does reveal herself. Sure, she does it in a dramatic fashion, is the fashion of the time. If I hadn't done it in a dramatic fashion, is the fashion of the times. If I hadn't done it in a dramatic fashion, I would have been arrested. Very true. Oh really? You can be arrested for not doing something dramatic. Well, you're going to reveal a gender. Uh-huh. Everyone on Foon knows that gender isn't, it's fluid, it's fluid. It's all a spectrum. Did you reveal it on like the 11th night of your working

or like the 13th night of your working? There was no numerical purpose. It honestly was the moment I couldn't take it anymore. And I just stood up and I said, I screamed, look, and I had disrobed. How do people react? Some with laughter. Because boys don't cry.

Well, but they can. The line of masculinity is blurred now. Which I think is fantastic. I think it's fantastic. Usually, males instead of crying, they laugh. Yeah, just a distance themselves. Sure. They can, and it does put up a few people.

A lot of though Didn't they some yeah and and I worried though that I would be arrested for fair of me being a Painted woman. I didn't want people to think that I was a woman of ill repute and Luckily no one ever thought that no one ever thought she's attractive enough to be an actual prostitute And you know what it's not about looks I am a good at my job sure so I think you're a handsome woman thank you have we ever told you about football no what is football on foot oh it's fantastic it's just uh you you stand in a circle you kick this little ball no no yeah here let me demonstrate with this bottle. Oh

Yeah, oh be careful. Yes, I'm sorry Jim That hummingbirds gonna have severe head trauma. Yes, after that. Maybe I should let him out of here How did you like that? Well, that was quite a punishment. I've learned my. And I'll admit that what I put in my mouth earlier would not the secret beads of fernishire. And if I could just steal a little bit of the... Oh. Mmm.

I'll admit that one cannot take the secret beads of fernishire out of their own anus. They need someone else's hands. There, I'm giving up another secret. Oh, wait, maybe he does have them. No, he was the floor. Oh, let me shrink that. You should know this is how he gets you. Oh, you're right. All right, if there are no takers to get the secret beads of Ferdinand Shire, I guess none of your quandaries would be solved. See, the problem with this is that there's an old saying that there's a sucker born every minute and I've delivered

14 of them this month alone Where are they? I'd like to get them to put their hands up my aim is to get their babies right now. Oh, dear You're a complete sex pervert Complete sex pervert it's fully formed. You have all of the perversions that are possible. Yes, I collected them all What a monster It's fully full. Do you have all of the perversions that are possible? Yes, I collected them all. Ahahahahaha! What a monster! Heh heh heh. Eh, well, I was just playing along.

What did I just agree to? Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh GNS, thank you so much for not just for coming by the podcast, but for helping to keep Hogsface safe. It's my pleasure. It's my pleasure. I shall report to FF2T first thing in the morning. Don't go so early, I'm gonna try and come in a little late. I'll be there at 5 in. Okay good, that's about when I'll roll in. Alright, and I'll be there reporting for booty. Thank you very much.

I get out of here a little pervert. Hmm, it looks some hats. Hello you very much. I get out of here a little pervert. Hmm. Hey, look some hats. Hello. Excuse me. I'm really surprised he didn't say reporting for duty because but the other way not DUT why. Yeah, yeah, because he is into butt stuff. We all know it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, definitely. We found that out the hard way. Oh, he's a shit freak, right? But you said you're just getting this. Yes. Now I understand. He's into butt stuff. Hey, uh, John, did you get any emails this week? Wait, you said you're just getting them? Yes, now I understand. He's into butt stuff. Hey, uh, John, did you get any emails this week? Yes, uh, let's see here.

I got a email from Chris Bishop. It says, Riddles, Miefingies. John, I heard the latest podcast, super awesome hearing about dream climbers, but Arnie's Riddles, uh, so this must have been from a while ago, but Arnie's Riddles, they were mediocre. I have one for you there. For the first of all, they were not my Riddles. People sent in Riddles. Just don't it, dude. But Ar Arnie's riddles, they were mediocre. I have one for you there. For example, they were not my riddles. People sent in riddles. Just don't it, dude. But Arnie's riddles, they were mediocre.

I have one for you that I think you will appreciate and I challenge you to use them on your lovers. It won me many maidens. I'll ask it to you, Sador, since I already saw the answer here. Question, if you have a B in your hand, what do you have in your eye? If you have a B in your hand, what do you have in your eye? If you have a B in your hand, what do you have in your eye?

I don't know. The answer is beauty. What? I understand it perfectly. You simple dents don't get it. Beauty in your eye of the bee holder Don't give up on reversing the curse if the red socks can do it you can too Where the red socks, you know what genessa? I know why you are the sheriff because you you look at clues and you put it together

I'm not gonna lie that one impress me It caught me off guard even as it was coming out of my mouth and I got that right. If you want to email me, you can always email me at MagicTaver and at puppies.supplies. It's a real email address. Here's an email I got. Dear Arnie, as a doctoral candidate in epidemiology, who boy, I'm impressed that I pronounced that correctly. I must warn you of the danger unknown infectious diseases posed not only to yourself, but the good people of FUN.

You may have unwittingly introduced a pathogen into the general population of which there is no natural immunity. You should also familiarize yourself with common funian diseases in their symptoms, you know, just in case. Frankly, I'm surprised you've survived the urine fun without such basic knowledge. Perhaps Yusador and Chunk can enlighten us listeners on Earth, wishing you good health. Jeb Voguez. Have you had blood's face?

No, blood's face? Yes. I don't think so. Were your face-bleeds? No. Like, how, how like what? What are the common, most people have it once in their life for them to get over it.

Sure, like how much blood are we talking about? All of it. All of it. Yep. Oh boy, Chandler, what are some of the other diseases I should be worried about? Hmm. On the spot is them.

On the spot is them. You get spots all over yourself. Oh, okay. Have you had Chandler? Chandler? Yes. Oh, okay. Have you had chunder? Chunder. Yes. Oh have you had chunder because I've never had it I'm afraid you don't want to get chunder. Where would I get chunder down under you could get it down under if you're like looking underneath rocks Oh, you're going through a cave as you're you know you're on your quest. Yeah, I don't know so it's yes It's usually in moist that place is you'll find you'll get a bad case of chunder. What are the symptoms?

Uh, boils on your legs, boils on your forehead, boils on your chest, and you bleed from the face. Any HPV? Oh, oh. I know. I don't think I mean I'm I gotta be honest. I wasn't in the best health back on Earth. So what? I haven't noticed what? But I don't know. I know that I don't think I mean I'm I gotta be honest. I wasn't in the best health back on earth. So what? I haven't noticed what but I don't know I know that I don't think that I had anything contagious that I know of I Mean have you guys experienced any new weird? I mean obviously chant you have your curse But have you guys experienced any weird have there been any new weird diseases? Like sure if would you know it? Has there been any kind of like health problems in fume that have been new? well, yes, but I just it? Has there been any kind of like health problems in food that have been new?

Well, yes, but I just, I mean, honestly, I attributed it to the amount of people reaching up Jim Zainus to get those beads. Sure. It's a pink eye. Hand foot and mouth has been going crazy. Yeah. It's crazy right now.

But we already had those things. You didn't bring those. No, you didn't bring those. All right. But now a lot those things. You didn't bring those in. No, you didn't bring those. All right. But now a lot of people are bleeding from the mouth and the hand in the foot, which didn't happen before. Sure. And the whole face and anus.

Yeah, and the anus. Yeah, well, I think that's more from like the actual digging around in there. Yeah, sure. Oh, boy. Well, I'll keep an eye out on all this stuff. Oh, and you know what, actually, before we go, we got another package left behind the Vermilion Minotaur

that was sent to cards against humanity to Arne, Neacamp, a 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois, United States, 60642, and it's a t-shirt. Ooh. I assume this is for chunk, because it's a t-shirt. Ooh. I assume this is for chunk because it's got a badger on it and it says bring it. Mmm, bring it. Alright, this is awesome.

And I believe it's from Pete Wesson. So thank you, Pete. There's no message. Wesson the P, you want to send the T. Thank you, Pete. If that t-shirt doesn't fit Chant, we'll fashion it into a pair of underwear for our... There's also a sucker.

There's one of those born every minute. Chant, do I try this candy from the string? You know, in my world, it's not always wise as to eat candy from strangers. Ah, shoot, I've dreamt it. Yeowing cav. This will go well with... Oh no. I think that I'll save this related,

which means I'll transport it for now. Eww. Oh no. Oh. You there, with the hats. I shouldn't have let him go. I know. I wish we should not have, we should have stopped him.

I was having such a nice time with you. Oh. Thank you gentlemen so much. Thank you. Thank you for stopped him. What's happening such a nice time with you. Oh. He's taking your gentleman so much. Thank you. Thank you for being here. It's my pleasure. Is there anything we can do to make your job or your life easier? Oh.

Thank you for asking. Now here's the thing. Crime happens all the time, all the time. And if you witness something, talk about it. Sure. If you see something, say something. That is a great way to say that. Seems awfully succinct.

Or if you see someone committing a crime, take a bite out of them. Oh, if you see someone committing a crime, take the time to take a bite out of them. Too many of the sayings just go on too long here in Finn. And that's rude. Only you can prevent food fires nothing just aren't that's a lot of responsibility it is it is Well, that was weird, huh? I was supposed to get what's his face out of the crotomyl room to start the show, but

I figured I would just try it myself so I could have some, you know, alone time. And honestly, it's not that hard. I mean, he makes it look really dramatic, pressing all these different buttons and switches, but I don't think all of them do anything to be honest with you. So, you know, this one's, uh, this one's you and me, you and Craig, huh? Yeah, we got through it. Ah, Yusudor the Wizard was played by Matt Young. I'm supposed to insult him.

He could be better. Janta Shape Shifter was played by Adler Fie. Um, I've got no beef with him. GNS of the first female Sheriff of Hogsface was played by special guest Dana Kiercioli. You can see Dana perform with Virgin, Dacquery at Io Chicago or with fast, loud and funny at the second city. Jim and at Terley Berther was played by Tim Bults, who as I guess maybe just gonna be on every episode now, I-I-I-why not.

Bungry Chubbins was played by Tom Gottlieb, Crom the Fingarian was played by Mark Logston, O-Talk was played by Nick Bear and Flower was played by Brooke Bright, but you know those guys. Hello from The Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Chakover, and Rindy Georgie, this one edited by Chris Rathchin, music by Andy Poland, logo by Hallard LeBon, extra sound designed by Jason Knox, and visit us at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks to Chicago Podcast Co--op and of course thanks to Earwolf. I guess that's it, so I just end the... Oh God, what button is the actual?

Huh, he normally would do this. Okay, um... I'm just gonna press everything. Uh, okay, bye. Thanks for watching!