Hello From The Magic Tavern - 62 - The Healer (LIVE at PAX East)

Episode Date: May 16, 2016

A healer has come to Hogsface. Maybe he can help Chunt with that curse.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungCrance Windowwhistle: Patrick RothfussVerron McShingleshane: Anthony CarboniBurger King Guy: Max TemkinMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Evan JacoverTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And it continues to be sponsored by Cards Against Humanity, who I suspect may not know there are other podcasts. If you want to send physical expressions of love to Arnie, use a door and chunt, send them to Cod's Against Humanity, 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois, 60642 Care of Arnie Neacamp, Vermillion Minotaur, Town of Hogsface, Land of Foon And now another exciting episode of what I'm Mike Higgins. Hi, I'm Mike Higgins. Hi, I'm Mike Higgins. Hi, I'm Mike Higgins.

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Hi, I'm Mike Higgins. Hi, I'm Mike Higgins. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before and it's possible that some of you haven't, this is what's going on. About a year and a month and some change I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king to the fantastical magical land of fune. Luckily I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal through that dimensional portal from the Burger King.

And I use that to record a podcast that I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, where we all are right now, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of fune. And I'm joined, as always, by my boon companions, my buddies, Chunt, the talking of phone. And I'm joined as always by my boon companions, my buddies, Chant, the talking badger. Oh yeah, baby! The tablin is slightly routier than usual.

Yeah, word is out. So Chant, what are you doing, buddy? What do you even up to? I'm doing pretty good. Uh, Chichi's Chow is going through some changes. Okay. The restaurant I own with Yusador. Uh, we just got my least favorite storyline. My little...

These storyline? I, you know, I'm a... This is my life, dude. I'm a, I'm a young hip dude who thinks of his life in terms of... That's my least favorite storyline. No. Yeah. I'm a young hip dude who thinks of his life in terms of sea story line You're anywhere near young Hey, and also my co-host that I am you should all up Wizard of the 12th realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow

Manipulator of magical the lights Devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Tarakas. The elves know be his fying yalak. The dwarves know be his zone and in a hukstein giz and I am known in the northeast. Gas my anus. Stop! And there may be other secret names you do not know yet, names of such great power and portent that if you were to utter them yourself, your eyes would fly out of your face, hit the mirror in front of you where you watched yourself say my secret name, look back at you and stare directly into your soul.

Euconore, it feels slightly like a special night, are you willing to give us another secret name that we have not heard yet? Of course, I can tell you one other name, but just one, I am known to the Pixies as Frank Black. What? What's that? What's that right? Yes, how did you know that? I got that right.

That's a big deal, a big deal. Sometimes they call me... Give me a deal. Francis. Oh, a big deal. Sometimes they call me... Give me a call. Francis. Oh, that's gigantic. All right, it is that gigantic. Sounds like earth people are not loving that. No.

There are. No, the pixie-summit. I'll be the older earth people are loving it. Why older? They told me, approaching, they said, here comes a man. Black Francis is here comes our man. Black Francis is here, monos, and he shall not do little. Hey, you know what, I would just like to remind people who listen to this podcast.

We do it at the end of the show, but we answer emails from people who email me at Magic Tavern, at puppies. That supplies, which is a really email address, it was all I could get because of the firewall at the Burger King. An email address is an earth address that sends messages electronically, which is a magical power that they have. So if you're, if you happen to be listening at home right now, go ahead and send emails to magictavorantatpuppies.supplies

with questions about the show, which we will answer at the end of the show. You know what? More importantly, I'm really excited to talk to our guests this afternoon. We're talking to sort of a traveling doctor. His name is Krants Window Whistle. Yes, we excited. He is really more of a physician. A physician? Yes. Not accredited, but still a physician.

I know a lot about homeopathy and other alternate medicines. I'm very curious to hear. So there's alternate medicine on phone. What is not alternate medicine on phone? Like what is like the standard medicine on-foon? Leaches. Leaches. And so you're like, Go and you talk to a leach, and he tells you he'll do an x-ray.

He might hit your knee with a little hammer. So, Kranson, what are you, what is the- And by x-ray he means you visit his former partner, whose name is Ray. Oh, this X-ray. No. He's like, well, let me go get you my X-ray. And X-ray can see directly through your skin.

Yeah. But the weirdest part is detention between them is palpable. Yeah. Because they did not end on good terms. Yeah. So Kranz, what are some of the alternative homeopathies that you offer? Well, you know, there's massage depending on how I feel about you as a patient. There's crystals actually have a lot of power. Obviously, yes. It can be very powerful, magical.

Yes, the constructs. And the first dose is really cheap. Oh, really? That's how they get you. And really, it's anything. If you have a problem, I can fix it. Really? Yeah, potions, I have a pamphlet.

A pamphlet? A very informative pamphlet. Can I ask you, you said you sell potions. Would you happen to have a potion of like something that would like slim arny fast, like a slimming fast potion? No, a family's. I feel like the people in the tavern today are more on my side on the way to shit.

Yeah, and something you should know about potions is it's not the quantity of the liquid, it's the motion of the potion, which is always south. I could also make such a potion, yet it would render the very fat from your body along with the muscle, so all that was left was a bag of skin for the bones. I got and hell as you would appear. You want that? There's a surprising market for that. We should talk contract.

Yeah, absolutely. Chris, what kind of things do you put into your potions? Do you put fruits and nuts? Or you don't ask. Yes, go out of question. Does he put fruits and nuts in his potions? That was the first thing you thought of going into a liquid. That's that's trail mix Which which can be helpful and effectatious in its own right?

It's a little sideways from my brand. Yeah, okay. I was trying to set myself up for a crant berries. Oh. Oh, I was trying, that was the mistake. I was trying to avoid a reference to putting nuts in it. Oh, sure. Yeah. Okay, speaking of nuts, so people have been sometimes poking things

through the dimensional rift, sort of behind the tavern at the Burger King. And you know, I've actually noticed lately that we can kind of hear, I've been hearing more, think sounds coming from the Burger King, I think. Hello, would you like to try the all-new, angriest whopper with real hot sauce baked into the bun? You guys hear that? I hear it. I hear it. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Come on, I make a 25-hour.

Come on. You're making 25-hour? What is this? Come on. Who's leaving all these candy bars in the parking lot? You're in the parking lot. You're so angry that I might have power at one piece. I know it's you. I know you're leaving all this garbage at the burger king here at 1917 North Elston Avenue in Chicago, Illinois zip code 60622

Stop Our chicken fries back chicken fries are back pull around Thank you, Burger King, guy. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Strange emanations from another world. Just a moment. I could almost reach out and touch my world, and once again, I forgot to ask him to contact my wife and child. Yeah, boy, where is your mind? So, Grant, what made you get into this line of business? Student loans.

Yeah, there's an evil sorceress called Fannie Mae. Ooh, yeah. And once you're in with her, you can't get out. Yeah, it'll advise contracts. I beware the machinations of Fanny. Yeah, you may want to attend the University of Phoenix, but beware, for if you were to take enough money to attend that beautiful university where that bird does die

and is reborn or, and oh, again, you may find yourself singing in debt. I, you'd be better off to become some sort of sailor and sing in the ocean and die there instead. Krants, if I wanted to be your patient, like, let's do this, let's do this right now. Okay, so you look me over maybe and like, yeah, I've got a room and back. Okay, I would need you to strip to the waist. Yeah, I'm leaving.

And you can do that from the top or from the bottom, it's really your choice. Oh, yeah. And then I'm trying to think. I mean, immediately I was like, I know which one I'm picking. And then I was like, wait, don't rush this. And it's not like, which would I enjoy more?

It's like, which really would be more embarrassing of the two? Which would be more helpful? Which, yeah, what is more, what do people usually go with? That's confidential. I imagine there are all sorts of troubles with the ordinary regions. Yeah, isn't it weird that we've never seen your dick? I think tonight is the best night. I believe the million-minute tour may have a policy against such a thing.

I think it's weird how many times I've seen both of your days. Well, I'm a... Oh, and be careful, unless you see it again. You know what? Let's take a quick moment. You know, obviously this podcast is sponsored by... We've luckily been getting some sponsors on Earth side. But we also have started getting... We have some sponsors in FUNE.

So let's take a quick break and let's listen to a sponsor from FUNE. Hey there FUNE. Unlucky in love. Unlucky in love because it's a child you're playing in your family's empty field. When an old woman approached you seemingly out of nowhere, brush your cheek lightly and whispered into your left nostril. I'm lucky in love. That's April. I can fix her mischief for you. She might land whispered into your left nostril, I'd clock in. Ah! That's April. I can fix her, Miss Jeff, for you. See, I'm Veren McShingles-Shayne,

the man who's been slowly transmogrifying into a dark force at the center of the woods that border hogs face for the last 600 seasons. Yes, one full century of pain, anguish, and suffering. But my loss is your gain. For while I cannot remove the nightmarish packed of binds between the forest, I could remove curses, hexes, and magics affecting other people.

I know what you're thinking. Sounds great, Farron, but what's it gonna cost me? Hardly anything. Friend, all you need to do is let me reach deep into your mouth and pull out a single, shining, smooth stone. A pebble, really. Hardly larger than a single grain of sand. You'll hardly miss it. You won't even recognize that it was a part of yourself.

Sure, your friends will say you've changed. Some nights you might wake up in a cold sweat, screaming and thinking you've somehow traded one curse for another. Nobody said anything about a hunger. Why are we still talking about the stone, you guys? Woo! So come visit your old pal,en McShingles-Shane, just end to the woods in the dead of night and fear far, far from the path of destiny. Act fast because I can feel my human form and consciousness being pulled into a nightmarish place

where I'll exist forever. Oh wait wait, it's happening now. Disregard previous message, food. I regret nothing except the curse! Yeah. Ugh. APPLAUSE One single century of agony, please. I hit on our sponsors, like, completely disappear before paying me. I hit on our sponsors like completely disappear before paying me.

So cramps. Can we call you CranSbury? Oh, that would have been so good. I think I'd prefer if we went a step backwards to Cranston. Yeah, I feel as a physician who may be treating you for many things, both emotional and psychological and physical, maybe we should be more formal. Cranston, yes. But Cranston, as a physician, do you ever worry that you're going to start breaking bad?

What are you talking about? Hey, here's an email I got, by the way, from a Derek B, who said, could Frank Black use his magic to change the color of Arnie's shirt to something less salmon? You say it's salmon, I see it's pink, man. A shocking number of these emails are about my shirt. I see it's pink, man. A shocking number of these emails are about my shirt.

Read, everyone. Shocking. Is that shocking to you? Well, when he arrived in Fune, this was white. No, no. Look, the lawn, like cleaning clothes in and food isn't as easy to do. Oh, it's super easy. How do you, how do you know? You sure has a spell that cleans my fur.

Yes, but you can't mix with the whites with the reds. You'll get that. So, so, so, Kranz, then would you mind if we did kind of like a lightning round of what, how you would treat things? Like, I'll throw out an ailment, and like what you would, at least what you would begin to do to treat it. Sure, yeah, we can do that.

Okay. Back pain. Beer. Beer. All right, great. Back pain. Pain that you received after fighting a bat. Where is it located in the body?

Mostly in the face. Is the bat in your face or just it located in the body? Mostly in the face. Is the bat in your face or just the pain in your face? The bat is still attached to your face. Then it would be, I would recommend a bat. Yes. I'll do it long. Make it right. See, Arnie here in Foon, we have what's called hominim's.

Oh. There were words that sound the same, but have two different meanings. I'm so excited to be learning the secrets of hominims. No, no, he was right, actually. I was looking to apply an equal-but-opposite bat to the bat on his face. It would negate the effects of the previous bat. Disregard my hominim reference. Okay, Kranson, so what if you're having like weird pains in your arm?

For that, you would need some very strong apotheosis. Oh, it also sounds like you have diabetes. What is diabetes on food? That's when you are like messing around with a tree and a bunch of bees come out at you and you die. And you die of beaies. Oh, oh. So it doesn't really sound like you have that at all?

No, no, I do not. I just got diabetes in my arm. Let me see if I've got another email here. Let's see, can you do a search that just doesn't have words? You're like, I don't want to look for the words that ones that have shirt or pink, but which ones don't? Cranston, pardon me. Oh.

Do you ever treat poison bites? Looking, you're looking to get rid of your poison bite? Or you? Yes. Yeah, okay. Can you give people poison bites? Yes. One of my very most expensive treatments

is the elimination of a non-poisonous bite. Oh! Yes. Well, so if I bit Arnie right now, you could fix that. I could fix it so that it wasn't poisonous. Yet it would not cost Arnie that much money for my teeth are filled with venom. Oh.

What? What else? I got an email here with the subject line, Pax East 2015 But by the way, you know in it's funny. I should explain this to you guys on earth There's this convention called PAX. There are a number of them. What is what is a what's PAX on in food? What you pack up stuff It's all my potions and herbs are in a pack.

And I've got several of them. Oh. Yeah. And I've been traveling to the east. So I've been taking my packs. Wow. Would you say you have 2015 of those packs? I would have if I'd thought of it.

Or maybe one more. There's also an acronym in FUNE PAX, which is Prince's Allowing Xylaphones. So sometimes someone will come to the court and they'll start to play Xylaphone and either the Prince will be like, Killam or they'll be like, I'll allow it. And if they allow it it's called a PAX. Wow. That's Prince Romana.

Yeah, Prince Romana. Yeah, it's the PA Prince Romana. Yeah, Prince Romana. Yeah, it's the Pax Romana. I see how this works now. I can do this. It's not that hard. Well, your horse, isn't it shadowpacks? My horse is Grimhoof. The fifth fastest horse in food!

Guys, can we agree to not do any more? Santa Mars won't hang out with me. Let's agree not to do any more wordplay about packs. I have a document for us to all sign about it. We're gonna sign this pack's pack. What, that was the worst one? Two little, too late. I'm not going to read the email except it says,

PS, Arnie, you are both hip and cool. I shall find you. You know, you said, this is almost, you know on earth we have something called frequently asked questions. I feel like lately, the most frequently asked question we get is in what way Do you devour chaos? Why do you need to define when questions are frequently asked? Can't you just ask them? Why do you need to mock, mockate some of them as frequently asked?

Just answer the damn question already Do you answer every question anyone asks you? I don't know, do I? I devour chaos with my heart, mind, and soul. So that's... So that's settled. So you can stop sending your emails about that one. Do you got anything for you?

So I use my mouth. I use my mouth as well as all that other stuff. Can't see have anything just to treat usador. I deserve a treat. Is there a treat for me? Usador, do you feel like you have any ailments? Hey. I am 300 years old, or was they about? And I feel as good as a day I was born.

I look exactly the same. Except your mustache seems to be a bit of a low rider today. I don't know what you're talking about. Krants, do you ever have to treat yourself? I'm not going to be able to do that. Cranc, do you ever have to treat yourself? Or, or, or, or preferably, I mean, look, you prefer someone else to treat you. But sometimes, no one's around, it's late.

It's just that the truth is for yourself. The first question is all I'm saying. I think everyone in the tavern today has probably taken the opportunity to treat themselves from time to time, maybe a lot of times. Each person is the hero of their own story and what story doesn't deserve a happy ending. I'm a wizard, you idiot. All right, I have a quick question about your potions. Please.

Do they include fruits and nuts? Of course. No final answer. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard.

I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. I have a quick question about your potions. Please. Do they include fruits and nuts?

Of course. No follow-up question. So you work at your potions tape? Yes, and sometimes I fall asleep there and I wake up and I don't know what I've made in my sleep and I just consume it. And then I find out what it is. Or not. Sometimes I go, seems like a dud,

but I'd be doing something and I just don't know. Uh, you said, or crans, do either of you make health just general health potions? Um, it's like, like, five hour energy, is what you're talking about? I mean, even more than that. I mean, I feel like, if you would imagine my own health as, like, a heart, I sometimes feel like that heart

is getting really low and I could just use, I don't know, like a potion that would give me like a whole heart. Oh, red potion. Yeah, I can make that. What, what are the ingredients of red potion? Oh yeah. Oh.

Whoa. He just burst through the wall, did you see that? Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! He must be all there's potion! There's potion everywhere! Oh! Classen just burst through that brick wall! Man, do you need help?

Do you need some kind of aid? I'm sorry, no, he's cool, he's cool. It's cool, man, it's cool. It's... Can't you have a It's cool man, it's cool. It's a badger question from before. Red Potion is a lot of chicken blood. It's mostly just chicken blood. Here's an email from Mercer.

You could just open a chicken. Have you ever opened a chicken? Like that. Here's an email that says, Sean doesn't look right. I noticed, that's just rude. I'm looking right now. Rude. I noticed that Sean looks like a skunk

and not a badger. Shunts up with that. Maybe all these years I've been fucking skunks. You know what? You do look a little bit more like a skunk. Have you had relations like a skunk. Have you had relations with a skunk? Maybe.

I mean, you're drunk and badgers and skunks are to look the same. You're drunk as a skunk? You're drunk as a skunk. You are a skunk. I heard it the first time. I heard it the first time. My non-response was not due to a lack of hearing. Mercer Smith says,

favorite food, question mark. I know you hate most foolish food. What's your favorite though? The soups. Just that whole family. My privity of soups. You enjoy anything from the soup family? What about just all soups?

Just all soup. I mean compared to the spice potatoes and the the rooster feed like you guys eat Just stuff to my earth palette is kind of disgusting What about stew? I imagine you must have hardy stew here, right? Oh, yes, there's delicious stews and food. You can get a rooster stew. That's quite delicious filled with all manner of or stew that's quite delicious, filled with all manner of dumpling and rooster foot and of course a few pebbles and one huge piece of broccoli. That's oddly specific. I'm sorry I didn't just say soup.

I think you might be actually reciting a potion recipe there. Oh, well this stew does have magical properties. He's using his chef cadence. Oh, if you use this stew upon yourself, you will certainly feel a burning sensation of your lover regions. I, it is an amorous stew. I, for all no broccoli, to be the most sexual of vegetables. LAUGHTER

Oh, everyone knows that, right? Yeah, on Earth is broccoli and afferdiche, yeah? No, not really. Like, what makes broccoli so arousing here in food? It looks like cubes. LAUGHTER You asked. I, again, it's weird how many times I've seen both of your jokes.

It's the color though. I'm sorry the vegetable isn't brown or yellow or red. It's a green vegetable. It looks like green pubes. Are we really going down this line of questions? I would like to, oh, I got another email here that I want to read. It just says, just kidding about the shirt, it looks great.

Dree to disagree. So, Chun, I'm going to be doing this. Soup. Dree. It's going to be my answer to every question now. Just soup. Arnold, what are your some of your favorite entrees? Meat.

Do you want some liquid to wash that down? Yes. Are you just said soup? Pardon me. Excuse me, Bartembert. Bartembert. Bartembert. Excuse me, do you have snack?

Cranson. Boo. We've been negligent in asking you about your personal life. We've asked you many professional questions, but is there Mrs. Wunderwistle? Wunderwindo? Windwibble? Windwibble. Windwibble.

Cranston Windwibble. Oh, yes. Just a Windwibble. It's Mrs. Well, no, that's her name is Cranston Windwibble. Does it get confusing that you have different last names but the same first name? You know what it's like when you're in bed with somebody

and things are kind of passionate, you accidentally call out your own name. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So let's like use it or if you're in bed with someone, JinLivia, and you call out your own name, can you give us a sample with that sound?

Oh, my sweet beloved. How I tenderly wish to caress you, though we are stuck here on this astral plane together. Oh, oh my dearest, I am you should all Wizard of the 12th realm of a fesious Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of magical light, the power of chaos, champion of the great halls of Tarakas, the elves nobius Vienn, Eloc. At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the...

At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into the...

At some point you should rip it back into the... At some point you should rip it back into... At some point you should rip it back into... At some point you should rip it back into... At some point you should rip it back into... At some point you should rip it back into... At some point you should rip it back into... At some point you should rip it back into. And not even you, my sweet love. Beautiful red wizard, nah, shall you know all of my secret names. Fine, I'll tell you, get off my back. You know what, we're in a sharing mood.

Chuck, you are probably the most sexually active among us, I assume. Soup! Soup that oop! are probably the most sexually active among us, I assume. Soup. Soup that oop. Oh. What? What are you, or as the doors know me, soup devil. What are you, what are you saying when you're getting romantic?

Um, oh yeah, baby. That's why he says that to you all the time. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, usually sometimes read a poem or a limerick. Just he gets, you know, good to meet you. Oh, can we hear him limerick? Oh, yes. You're most romantic, limerick. Oh boy.

Um, my dearest man or woman, I'm so glad you chose to tell me. I'm just very excited to hear my words rhyme with woman. No, eyes was the end point. My dearest man or woman, I look in your eyes. I can't help but imagine the shape of your thighs. I'm so glad you chose to tell me. I'm so glad you chose to tell me. I'm so glad you chose to tell me. Do you know how lemmricks work? I'm just very excited to hear my words rhyme with woman. No, eyes was the end point. My dearest man or woman, I look in your eyes.

I can't help but imagine the shape of your thighs. Let's go back to my hobble, then I'll start to grovel and make you a chun-sized pie. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say We're having a good time. Like, do you want to share a limerick? A romantic wizard limerick? My dear wizard lover, I must confess that you shall be impressed by my wizard prowess. I shall do something real, not a muguffin. For I shall turn now here into a muffin. And now that I have made love to the I am grateful and now regrace.

And finally let's hear yours Arnie. Oh good. Oh boy. Do you ever use your last name in a lyric? Do I ever use? That's the question. Do I ever use a last name? Your last name.

My last name your last name my last name I do I do use my last name here's my romantic limerick Yes, start with which I name check myself nothing is more romantic than that I Love you with all of my soul Without you, I never feel whole. I'm earning you camp. I'm really a champ. Let's talk about your butthole.

I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ. Let's talk about your butthole. I'm really a champ. Let's talk about your butthole. I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ.

I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ. I'm really a champ. And that's how I met my wife. That's the best thing I've ever heard you say. Well, well, well, Cranston, thank you so much for joining us. It's been a real treat. This has been everything that I had dreamed and more.

So much more. You know, I love meeting you and I hope that sometime you'll come back for a second visit and then much later come back for a third visit. You know, I think it has a lemmrish. How much later. That's a good question. That's tough to you. You don't let anyone pressure you into coming back a third time.

Much later, much later. Well, thank you so much. Thank you so much, Cranston. And you know what, buddy? I know we don't always get along. I smacked you earlier. It's true. But thank you.

I love you, buddy. I love you, too. And you, Sidor, thank you. I like you. The hell? And thank you to all our listeners. And thank you so much for everyone tonight in the Vermilion Minotaur.

Thank you and come again sometime soon. What greater proof could there be of this show not being real than an entire audience of humans not connecting with Arnie's references? Usador was played with all the nuance of Gallagher organizing a hostage crisis by Matt Young. Chant the shapeshifter or rather Lil Undercutty was played by Adel Raphai. Cran's Window Whistle was played by special guest Patrick Rothfuss. You may know Patrick is the author of the name of the Wind. If you haven't heard of him yet, get ready to hear about him from pretty much everyone you know. Also, take a moment to check out his charity site, WorldBuilders.org,

and do something positive with your life for once. Or go to thetinkerspacks.com to pick up signed books, games, and other geekery. Varan Mixringlesheng was played by Anthony Carboni. Check out Anthony's podcast, We Have Concerns. And the Burger King attendant was played by Max Temkin. Craig, it's your time to shine in that special way that you don't really shine very much. Hello from The Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan J. Cover, and Rhyndi Georgi, this one edited by Evan J. Cover, music by Andy Poland, logo by Aller LeBon, extra sound designed by Jason Knox.

Check us out at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks to Ear Wolf, and of course the Chicago podcast co-op. Oh also if you wait till the end of the show you can hear the crowd at Pax East try to say use the doors name and it's pretty entertaining. For those of you not in attendance at the taping Arnie's shirt was a special shade of Malignant salmon and it was terrible. I'm curious how many people on the tavern here feel like they could collectively say use a door's name. I'm getting this may fail spectacularly. Let's hear it.

I am... Good so far. Fying y'all up. Zona Newg Stangies. That's my anus. That's my anus. Yes, but those are all the names you'll ever know.