Hello From The Magic Tavern - 63 - The Singing Sword

Episode Date: May 23, 2016

Jak Vorpal, Foon's Greatest Swordsman, returns with his weapon/companion The Singing Sword. They have...an interesting dynamic.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungJak Vorpal: Sean KelleySinging Sword: Erica ElamMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Network. And this episode is sponsored by Cards Against Humanity. If you want to send some odd or even useful physical thing to Arnie, Usador, and Chant, send them to Cards Against Humanity, 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois, 60642. Care of Arnie Neacamp, Permillion Minotaur, Town of Hogsface, Land of Food. Cards Against Humanity will make sure your package gets shoved through the portal, and now enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Arne and E. Camp.

If you've never listened to the podcast before, this was going on. This is what you need to know. This is all the details. This is the business. A little over a year and two months or so ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the fantastical magical land of Foon. Luckily I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the burger king through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion

Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Thun. And I'm joined as always by my boon companions, my close buddies, my partners in crime, my brothers by another mother, my... The jam to my jelly, the second butthole to my one butthole. Mmm, pipipara, it's juntier. Pipipara, yeah, I'm trying to sound more regal now that I'm a king. Oh, that's right, get out of the badgers. Yep. How's that going?

Great. Good. Yeah's that going great? Good. Yeah, I just I have a lot of free time. So I sit on my throne I asked for a lot of food as you might have noticed I've put on a little bit of weight You have you're getting a little Just getting bigger. Careful. Oh the kettle great. Would love you said. Yeah, more to love Oh, thank you, and I of course I'm you Sedor wizard of the twelfth realm of a feces master of light and shadow manipulator of magical lights devourer of chaos Trepon of the great holes of turakis the elves no me is fying yalak the dwarves no me is zoning in hook stangies and I am known in the northeast as guess when he is me star and

In Papa Meshay. Oh Meshay. What do you mean? There's other names. Yeah, though we don't know who told you you you did what over the past. Yeah, you told us it like a lot. He said does it. Other name. Secret. Oh, no one should know. Dale sprinkle sleigh. Me thingies. No one should know Dale sprinkle sleeves Oh John Sebastian I don't know if they qualify Yeah, how did you find out tipy canoe? Tyler too Yes, also, oh you haven't told us that one yet. Ah Curse you you've told us these names on a fairly regular basis. I don't think so. I don't think I've had a conversation with you

where you haven't told me another one of your name. That doesn't sound like something I would do. Also, when you sleep, you tend to reveal them. Like the other night, you said, Brax-Zaff was one of your secret names. Brax-Zaff. Oh, no, were you in a garden state? It's possible, yeah.

I perhaps was communing with Earth and then used my communing with the Earth name Brax-Zaff. Yeah, it was possible. Yeah, I perhaps was Communing with the earth and then use my my communing with the earth name Braxha Man, you don't want no scrubs. You know with with the extra time on my hands being king at all. Yeah, I've been Wait, they give you more time being king Sorry, it gives you more time. You're like, oh, I just said that I'm king my my schedule is cleared I'm still cursed and I'm still gonna You know, I think I have anywhere between three and eight weeks Depending depending on when we figure out what to do. I don't know what that means

But I have some extra time on hand So I've been thinking up some new games to play and you snore and I came up with a game the other day You know you've played offices and bosses. Oh, yeah, well, I we came up with a new game called orfaces and horses Okay, how it works is you so you bring this game with you? Well calm down. You used to do what he does is he makes a tiny horse and he'll put X amount of but holes on that horse and we we don't know and we have to guess by the way the horse carries itself. How many orifice is it has? Oh, okay, I'm game for it. TREF CONCHAMING CONIC TING! I'm gonna guess... 14.

14! Look at the way it's... Look at the way it wants to sit down. The way it wants to sit... I mean, it does seem to want to sit down, but I feel like if I had 14 but holes I would not want to sit down. I'll guess five, but I'm really just, I mean, I'm pulling that out of my, my, what's turning around? Wow, 12.

Wow, you're very close. Thank you. You're good at this game, yeah. But you said, or can you play? No, I already know the answer. Yeah, I just conjured the horse. Can you make, can you make a horse with so many buttholes even you don't know how many buttholes it has? Oh, most certainly, I have the power to make a horse with so many buttholes even you don't know how many buttholes it has?

Almost certainly have the power to create a horse with a number of buttholes unbeknownst to mine self. Guys this is a weird thing to bring up remember a few weeks back when the Dark Lord sent that guy to with that spell to trick me into thinking that I was in a mental ward. And that clearly didn't really happen, but he had some fair points about me being obsessed with buttholes. So we're talking about Green. I agree. Yes, agreed. You're very true.

But you know what, hey, you know what, another of that, let's talk to our guests. I'm very excited. I'm not anything else. About anything else. I'm very excited. It's been so long. I'm excited to have back Jack Vorpal

Foon's greatest swordsman or formerly foon's greatest swordsman former greatest swordsman former greatest baker former once again greatest swordsman once a wait So you used to be foon's greatest swordsman. Yes, and then you gave that up. Yes By you know you had some tragedy. I hung my sword up after slaying an entire village of Smorps. Oh, how I hate those Smorps. And you became a baker. Yes. But you're saying that you are now...

There was a tragic baking accident, and I've given up the bakers of it. Oh, no. What happened to your eyebrows? That's actually unrelated. Oh It turns out over time my hair has begun to fall out apparently this happens to many men as they age You're you get less hair on top of your head and sometimes your eyebrows start to fall out as well. I can't gauge his reactions Wow, yeah, I can't tell if he's surprised. Yeah, yes That's that that's not related to an adventure or magic or anything.

It's just related to aging to getting older. Well, so what was this baking accident? What happened? Well, I'm sure everyone here has heard of the great FUNISH bakeoff. Uh, I have not, but... It's the biggest baking competition in FUN, all of the great baker's enter. Uh-huh. And there you are judged by the oligarchs of the kingdom of anarchos. Anarchos?

Yes, anarchos. One of the many kingdoms within Fune. The oligarchs love baking. I...I killed all of the oligarchs. Oh no. I baked them a...a boysenberry pie. My best pie, my strongest pie. Yeah. And unfortunately some of the berries had turned. The oligarchs, the eight of the pie, and they died of the pie.

The berries, that's a hard turn for a berry to go so bad. But it's easiest for the boys and berry to become a poison berry. Oh, guys should have seen it. The rhyme makes it true. That's exactly. Holy. We have a rhyme saying in Fune about that. What is that?

Uh, oh be careful, the boys and berry, if it sits too long, it's a poison berry and then you'll die when you eat it. Oh, that's right, God, the- all the expressions, they just keep going too far. And Fune. So, Jack, you killed off all the expressions they just keep going too far and phone So Jack you killed off all the olgarics. Yes, and I realized that all good old Jack Vorple is any good for is killing and That's what I really excel at and so that's what apparently I've decided to get back to and I've once again taken up my title as Foon's greatest swordsman And I noticed you brought your sword with you The singing sword is this the singing sword you were telling us about yes after being after being up on my wall

And a in a scabbard for some time just or just lying around the house I've decided to bring the singing sword out and onto your your little your little show here I wish you wouldn't talk about and onto your little show here. I wish you wouldn't talk about me like I'm not here. Oh, the sword! Wow! Hey! I've never talked to a sword before. Why not? Are you prejudice? I, I, um, I want to say no, but you know you should never be so quick to say that you're not prejudice,

because that's a kind of prejudice, right? That's not. Yes, me? So maybe I might have some unbeknown sword prejudices that I'd love to have them. Well, perhaps I can clear those up for you today. Fantastic. You seem delightful, by the way. Oh, thank you. What's it like? This is the dumb question.

What's it like being a sword? Well, I guess I don't know anything else. Sure. Being a sword is, I think, a't know anything else. Sure. Being a sword is, I think, a lot like being a human man. Ooh. I get to penetrate deeply into people. Sure, that's one of the things we get to do. Force and rage and delight and pleasure.

Sure. Yeah, okay. The rage part. Are you happy, Asnow? Yes, I am., okay. The rage fart. Are you happy? Yes, no? Yes, I am I am I am are you excited to be back like off of the shelf? Oh, fuck yes Yes, thank yes. This is my destiny my destiny is to be a sword. Yeah, it was a dark dark dark period Yeah, they're in that kitchen. Were you sheathed or were you on... No, I was hanging exposed for the world to see.

Above and oven. Wow, above and oven. That's a... There's a popular saying. It's a rhyme and food, you know. Oh, yes. Above and oven. Above and oven.

That's a real... Yeah, okay. Like if you're ever in an awkward situation, you're like, oh, I'm really a no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you have returned the singing sword and the singing sword you are now reunited in adventure. Yes. What great feats have you accomplished since you've seen the last? Well we journeyed into the cloud kingdom where we face to the horrible creatures known as the Karabas. The Karabas. The Karabas. The Karabas. Yes. They shoot out of their stomach this energy that just knocks you on your ass. Yes. Yes. It's it's it's a it's an energy that comes from their heart their entire Stomach opens up exposing their internal organs causing a massive

Although to be fair, I am confused because the carabas there is a lion and it's confusing in terms of like are we bears or we lines? Well, what is a bear? Is a panda a bear? Yes, it is a bear. I mean, a lion a bear, define a bear. What makes a bear different than any other animal? I can answer the series of questions. It could be almost a defeat.

Can I, bear, couldn't be? Can I answer this real quick? Infoon, if you ever have a doubt whether or not something's a bear, you just look at it and you say, who bear? You bear? You bear? but make sure you have the right bear because sometimes people try and ask a bear and it's not the one that they're calling upon and it might take you for a ride and you bear ride. Hey let's talk more about this conversation. I'm having fun. I love the oven.

I'm in fun. I love the oven. So how did you get up? How do you even get up to the cloud land? Ah, you have to plant a seed into the ground, but it has to be a very specific seed. Ah. And you have to put it in the ground and you plant it in there and then you need a singing sword

in order to conjure a mighty vine from the ground that takes you up to the sky. Yeah. Jax is fine. I always say Beanstalk. Yeah, there are in different parts of food, people say things in different ways like some people say vines, some people say Beanstalk, other people, other people call it other things. Sure.

I call them twizzlers. You can also, I hear, I don't know for sure, because I've never been, but I heard you could also get to the cloud level after you beat the underwater level. Oh, wow. So you take a vine or a beanstalk or a twizzler up there, but you wouldn't just like take like a stairs. Like, you wouldn't just take the-

To the clouds. To the clouds. Yeah, you know. How do you get to cloud the cobbar stairs? How do you get to cloud the cobbar stairs? How do you get to? How do you get to clouds where you're from? Do you take the stairs to the clouds? What's the place where you're called again art? Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr stuff. But we were in the clouds slaying caravairs. Yeah. Left and right. Oh, penetrating. Usually very deeply. Sometimes I thought we could have gone deeper.

It was a quick slice. Just a tip. Did the job just. Yeah. So the singing sword, what was it like to be back, back in business doing what swords do? It felt like I was whole again. Jack in It felt like I was whole again. Jack in... Ugh, this hand wrapped firmly around my hilt, thrusting me deep and deep and deep into the carabairs. I felt like I was truly me. Yeah, wow. But Jack, how did it feel for you?

Because, you know, you tried to leave this stuff behind. It's a grim existence. It's a sad, lonely place. I think he's trying to furrow his breath. It's a grim existence. It's a sad, lonely place. I think he's trying to furrow his breath. It's a dark place. It is fur, does it not look furrowed in there? Oh, sorry, sorry, I just can't tell. It's just a blank.

Yeah. It's a sad, lonely existence, not like being back. Back in the kitchen, baking, making something, putting something into the world, rather than taking it out. Looking up at that sword and thinking, I don't need that sword anymore. That's not who I am anymore, but it is. Wow. It is who I am.

You never told me that. Yeah, you kind of, this just seems like a conversation you guys should have had at some point. You, you felt you didn't need me. Well, why didn't you give me to someone else, Jack? Why did you leave me there alone? Someone would have had to defeat me in order for me to give you away. And you weren't willing to let yourself be defeated for me. I mean, I had to try as hard as I could, you know, like that's a thing.

Like you can't just half-ass an effort to... When someone challenges you as the greatest swordsman in the world, they can't really assume the title of... You could ask me to just butter bread for months on months on months. I'm gonna run and get some popcorn. Yeah, I mean, you were... I thought we liked that. I thought you were doing...

enjoyed buttering bread and like... making things. Oh, yeah. Oh, those wonderful songs I sang of buttering bread. And slicing muffins. Oh, I'd love, those wonderful songs I sang of Buttering Bread and slicing muffins. Oh, I'd love to hear one of those. That's right. We really, I mean, you're singing sort. I mean, you magically sing during battle, you sing other, like we aren't in battle now. But-

Oh, no, I can sing anything if I must. I prefer to sing in battles. Never. Yes. Could we hear a song? Uh, of course. Maybe about Buttering Bread or something. inferencing in battles. Yes. Could we hear a song? Of course. Maybe about buttering bread or something. It's a very sad song about buttering bread.

It goes like this. Gotta put the butter on the bread. Gotta put the butter on the bread. Yum, yum, yum, that's what I said. Gotta put the butter on the bread. As you can see, it's very sad. What a sad song. That's sad.

It's got such a turgid quality to it and nothing nothing shatter than patta So Jack It this is a awkward question, but if you have to kill people Would you rather kill them with a sword or with pies? Look me in the eye when you say it I'd rather kill them with a sword or with pies. Look me in the eye when you say it. Uh... With a sword.

I'd rather kill them with a sword. Not very visible. Jack, has it ever occurred to you that perhaps the reason you'll feel so consflicted in thine soul is not because of the killing you must do either through pie or through blade I but perhaps because you've not found something worthy of killing It's me, I mean you killed some swaps, they're annoying but they're these little things and now you killed some things in the clouds You killed a bunch of oligarchs. Maybe you're like, maybe you're not killing the right things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen to me Jack. What do you suggest I kill? Join my quest. I am will defeat Orc and Goblin and a hiltroll all the way until you reach the dark lords manner and we tear open the gates and we strike him through as your sword sings songs of great wonder and victory. I mean, but the dark lord has really gone a long way to like building up Foon's military again.

I really feel like if Foon gets attacked, like, you know, which we could at any time by dragons or, or, you know- Ballsy dragons. Bandits or whoever, then there's this really powerful military fune really has like the most powerful military out there now. I forgot, Jack is clearly at least a little bit of a dark lord sympathizer. I know. Yeah, and sometimes chaos and bloodshed are not the solution. That's really stopped everybody in their tracks. Look, this Badger does not speak for me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm know, I'm better at making up my own rhymes I've been put in my place wall with fall. It's like a Sing a dagger could make that up. I'm a shapeshifter not a singing sword. Yeah, although I could be a singing sword But yeah, I would love to hear I would love to hear yeah, we'd love to hear a song about the dark Lord Wait, were you hitting on me to sell? Hey, hey buddy. Sorry, sorry, no offense. When your own quest. At your own store.

Yes, sir, I'm sorry, sir. I really have a lot more questions about your guy's relationship. But let's hear this stuff for a bit. Get in line. Ha-ha. From the mountains to the valleys, running dark with blood, The children's faces are smeared and dirtyed with mud. Look above and draw forth your sword For the greatest battle

Bring it, Lord! We will kill! Almost there, we're going to kill. The Dark Lord! Yes, Lord! That was amazing! You're amazing! Thank you! Yeah, you're amazing! You're amazing. Thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome. You know, my vagina is just right on the guard. Go! You are forward. You know, a lot of people don't know. John, you bring it out in people. Yeah, I'm really been put above an oven. Let's take a quick break.

Let's go. I think I need a drink. Okay, we're back. Guys, I just wanna dive right into it. Like, what's, like, I guess I don't, I'm having never been a swordsman myself. I've never owned any kind of weapon. Like, what is that, let's get into the nitty gritty. What is that relationship like?

Like, is it, dare I say, is it a, is it analogous to a romantic relationship? Is that a hard question? No, it's not a hard question for me. I don't know if, I don't know if we both feel the same way about our relationship. So that's something that I'm not talking about. I'm not talking about it.

I can't tell how this is planned. He's a riddle. You know, sometimes when you first get a singing sword, when you've gone on a quest and you've won your magic sword, you feel like a great deal of romance. Arnie wouldn't know anything about that, and we're still trying to get him to find the Lunar Sword. Yeah, I know.

But I guess I can sort of... The Lunar Sword. I am on a quest very slowly to try to get the Lunar Sword. Lunar Sword? Isn't that your sister? Oh! I am on a quest very slowly to try to get the lunar sword. The lunar sword? Isn't that your sister? Oh! I mean, I could introduce you. I would love that.

That would be fantastic. I mean, there are a number of challenges I still have to get through to get to her, but we're getting sidetracked. But sometimes when you first win a sword, you feel a great deal of romantic and lustful need and attention to it, and so you really hold the sword with both hands and you really sort of like push the sword in and out of your enemies and then you you know you really slash it through their necks and it just covers you with rough rough deep hot sticky blood. And you know from my point of view I I was

lying dormant in a layer for years and years and years and then suddenly, oh, jack appears. And it's all so new and exciting. I really wanted to rhyme a layer with flair. But then, you know, you get older and first you sort of, you get into a routine and think, you know, you're just slashing and holding and getting covered in hot sticky blood the same way that you always were. Yeah, that's the timeless question. How do you keep that violence alive?

It does. Yeah, have you tried holding your different ways, like mixing up the position and what you hold in? You try, you try that a little bit and then it eventually reaches the point where you're just kind of throwing the sword. Uh-huh. Which I don't like. Can I ask like, obviously it's been a real slow time recently.

But before before you became a baker, like how often would you kill somebody together? God, I mean, a good week, a couple times a day, a couple times a day. What about a bed week? Uh. I mean, when we visited your mother, it was... It's awkward. Yeah, it's got to be awkward. We had one week ago. You killed someone in your parents' house.

We were really, I think we really just killed my stepfather. Yeah, we see only one. Oh, wow. But was he evil? Yeah, yeah. I mean, he was a wicked stepfather. He had kidnapped 24 orphans who he was keeping in pumpkin prisons in the backyard. Oh, yeah, so deserve had to kill him. Sure. Look at that man filled with endorphins. He is keeping all of those orphans. It was a very epic

Oh, go stop here over there with slayer and layer Wall fall wall fall I'm the learning that chant is really into rhymes. I guess I'm surprised But like why is this surprise you? I never realized nothing quite gets him going like rhymes. Yeah, well, this is maybe something Kingchant likes Interesting But chant let's not get between a man his sword or or or I can say a sword and her her swordsmen Thank you. Yeah, they're having problems. They, what?

Yes. Maybe adding me to the mixes, just the kind of thing they need. Yes. So wait, try to say, kind of here philosophy, you're like, this relationship in trouble is a perfect time for me to insert myself. Literally. It's a better opportunity.

I mean, that sword told me where her vagina is. Sure. On Earth, laugh, and the to show you where her vagina is Well, that's a very different question showing and telling sure well sure Yes, sure it does bring up an interesting point though. Do women have to tell you where their vagina is? As I mean, I mean I guess like where in the city because humans here generally keep them in the same spot Yeah, no no on earth on earth as well Oh, Earth as well. On Earth as well. Yes, on Earth as well.

But you know what, could I ask the singing sword? Would you mind singing a song about Jack? Have you ever sung? I mean, I assume you have sung songs about him before. Usually, yeah. But I'm OK. The greatest swordsman. The world has known.

And while I've held him, my love has grown. The greatest man here. And I'll say by now, and watch the tears drip down or his eyebrows. My heart is burning. My face is sad. And I am yearning for what we had. Come back and hold me. Give me your hand. I'll be your sword, Jack. And I'll be your man.

Yeah. What a happy song. Wow. What a beautiful do I. I didn't know you still felt that way. Jack, I've always felt that way. I thought after all the years and all the killing, the passion had just gone out of-

No, God! We had, and who we are! Oh, you put me up on that wall and I thought, I'm not enough for him. Maybe I should become a dancing sword or- maybe he wants me to be- A spoon. I'd never want you to be a-

A spoon. I would try if that's what you wanted. I don't want you to be anyone but who you are. Oh, yeah. The singing sword when we leave here, let's just go out in the woods and find a house. We can do that after. But let's find a house full of people and let's just kill them all. Oh, Jack, I'd love that. Let's just hack them. There's people here. Hello! Yeah, yeah, we've killed way too many people in the tavern, so. I am so happy for both of you that I've decided

to give you a gift. Corn death, but a ton. Cant teeth. Yeah Your eyebrows have been returned. Whoa, and he is pissed at me I just saw the way he was looking at me and I am not yeah Chis went up all guys for talking to your sword and I hope we are don't forget he is Greatest swordsman. Yeah, I know perhaps my next quest should be conquest of the king of the badgers No, no, no asking the the Badgers I knight thee. Jack Vorple, honorary badge badge. I'm just excited that we've learned that, you know, romance can last, that love can last just as long as we're willing to set aside our distaste for doing horrible violence.

No distaste here? Yeah, no, I've re- rediscovered between the carabars thing and this, I've just discovered a lust for killing that I thought had gone for my person. Thank you. Thank you for turning me back into the mass murderer I always was before. Unless you're a bear.

That, not everything is a bear. We don't know that for sure. You bear? You bear? Well, Jack, the saying sword it's been a slightly unsettling but mostly Positive I think I'm I'm gonna focus on how happy I am for the two of you. Thank you. Thank you Well, Chant, do you have you got any emails this week? Yeah, let's take a look here I have an email here. This is from Malice of Yeri, Vera. She says,

Hey, Chant, do you like getting your chin scratched? She said, Scratched, Scratched. Yeah, I don't know what a scritch is. I like it. I get my chin scratched. I think it's like a folksy way of saying, Scratched. Ah, then yes. Yeah. I also have an email here from Michelle Normandu. She says, this is a very important question. She asks, what's Yusididor's favorite bird? Hmm. Well obviously the Sparrow. There you go.

Fair enough. Hey, also why would you even need to ask? It's so obvious. I don't know, that's Michelle's. Is everyone mad at me? Yusidor, are you alright? I'm fine. What a stupid question though. Who's-

What's my favorite bird? Obviously it's a sparrow! What's your least favorite bird? Oh, the Starling. Little piss-ass. Sure. You know, you can email me at MagicTaver and at puppies.supplies. It's a real email address.

Here's an email, oh, I got this week, is there some kind of premium feed or Patreon version of the podcast available? Interrupting each episode with three straight minutes of idle rambling about a product, everyone already knows about is incredibly obnoxious, doubly so on repeat listens, and I can't be the only one willing to put up cash to make it stop. I would much rather chip in five bucks a month than have to manually edit out the info mercials that have shown up in my favorite podcast.

Well, you know, I think that we do a great job with our sponsor segments, but you actually can subscribe to the Howl app through EarWolf, I believe it is, actually, maybe around $5 a month. And you can get versions of this podcast that doesn't, that don't have ads in it. Is your version people can buy without Arnie? No, not yet.

But that would be a price too high. Alright, one last email. Hello to Arnie, Chant and Yusidor. Hello to the Magic Tavern. I have a question regarding the Royalty of Foon. The Belaroths are the rulers in the Northeast, but are they the rulers of all of Foon. The Belarus are the rulers in the northeast, but are they the rulers of all of Foon? What is local government like in Hogsface? Thanks for broadcasting, Spice potatoes and rainbow bowls on me, Sam Miller from Massachusetts. For my understanding, the king Belarus in the

northeast is one of the most important royalty in Foon, but he doesn't rule all of Foon, is there right? Well, he doesn't rule the Shrike Valley as we know the Baron there has come to powers. It's steward. He doesn't rule the Badgers. That's for sure. Yeah, you're king of the Badgers. He does not rule the Badgers. He doesn't rule the fucking Starlings.

He doesn't rule the school. Okay. Are there other, is there other royalty that I mean I feel like he's hearing vague mentions of other royalty and food. I was stolen keep hearing vague mentions of other royalty in Finn? I I was stolen from the band the bandit king. Oh the bandit king the king of the bandits. Yep. He rules the banditocracy Oh really? Yes. How does how does a banditocracy? It's just a bandit based form of government. Oh really? You know are there any pluses to being ruled by a bandit? Cool masks.

Sure. Hey, is it awkward to talk about Jack? I mean, she used to be with this bandit king. You know, if you're not comfortable with who your sword has been held by when you get to a relationship with it, then you're probably not mature enough to be wielding a sword. The bandit king made me who I am. Thank you so much, Jack. Thank you to be wielding a sword. Sure. The bandit king made me who I am. Uh, thank you so much, Jack. Thank you so much for the singing sword.

And, uh, if you're gonna kill people, please just don't do it here. Oh, we'll kill them far out in the woods, and then we'll wrap ourselves in their end trails, and sing to each other until the sun comes up. Yes, I love you, baby. I love you too. The singing sword? Do you mind singing us out? Ah, not at all. Uh, What would you like me to sing about?

I don't know! You sir, what would you like to hear about birds? Oh, I'd love to hear a song about birds. I love birds. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I am in the sky. Use their wings to fly. But I'm a bird, bird, bird. You're right! Welcome back to the fact that you didn't really go anywhere because that was all just human actors playing pretend. Shot the shapeshifter, King of the Badgers, vassal in the land of making an effort was played by Adel Rathai. Matt Young portrayed, um,

Yuzador, wizard of the twelfth level of improv classes, master of volume and shouting, manipulate her of interruptions, devour of nuance, champion of the island of Catan on week and evenings. The elves know him as Yelimek Shouteface, the dwarves know him as who? He's known in the North East as Ramblebick Find in Editor, and there are other secret names that will eventually have forced on us, like a fifth season of Lois and Clark. Where was I? Jack Vorpul was played by Sean Kelly.

Sean and Matt performed together in the improvised Star Trek podcast. Sometimes they even do live shows with little costumes and everything. Sean is married and has a child. Whoops, that sounded more surprised than I intended. The singing sword was played by special guest Erica Elam. Erica performs with long-running musical improv group Baby Wants Candy and is the director of the new main stage show at third-coast comedy club in Nashville, Tennessee. See, not everyone needs to move to LA or stay there. Craig, time to work your special magic with all the details of the show

that no one's keeping track of. Hello from The Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacober, and Ryan D. Georgie, this one edited by Ryan D. Georgie, music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard LeBon, extra sound designed by Jason Knox. Visit us at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or on Twitter. Special thanks to Ear Wolf and of course the Chicago podcast co-op. Let's see what else. Oh Arnie

and Sarah Mahir were the guests last week on Adles New Podcast. The Siblings Peculiar. You're peculiar. Peculiar. Peculiar. Siblings Peculiar. Episode 6, Dead or Alive. Look it up so you get three magic tavern people on one show. You're gonna love it Craig fun rhetorical question If you were asking someone to record the credits for your podcast for free You'd give them more than an hour to turn it around wouldn't you? Yeah, yeah, I would well, I get I mean it is hard to answer I make a sort of depends on the schedules of the people who make the show and who edit the show and oh yeah, we're out of time.