Hello From The Magic Tavern - 65 - Dancer

Episode Date: June 6, 2016

We all need some cheering up in these dark times. Hopefully this dancer can do it.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungJosh Swollensword: Lawrence CollerdKrom the Fingarian: Mark LogsdonOtok Barleyfoot: Nick BaerFlower: Brooke BreitMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Evan JacoverTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Ad-Free on Wondering Plus. Greetings adult children of adult children. The following podcast is not real.

It's simply grown men sitting around a budget conscious microphone. But it is part of the trachea spider to rather the ear wolf network. And somehow against all reason it continues to be sponsored by Cards Against Humanity. If you send your care package to cards against humanity, 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois, 60642, care of Arnie Neacamp, the million-minute tour town of Hogspace, land of Foon. The tireless friends at cards against humanity will drive your package over to the Burger King and shove it through the dimensional portal for Arnie Chunden-Uzador to enjoy. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Thun.

I'm your host, and I'm a great host of the Magic Tavern. I'm a great host of the Magic Tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Thune. I'm your host Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this was going on. A year and a few months back, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King

into the fantastical, magical land of Thune. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of fun. And I'm joined, as always, by my cohosts. My cohosts that are always going to be my cohosts that are always always gonna be here and aren't gonna die my co-hosts chunt the talking badger. Hello. Hey chunt. Hey do'em buddy. You're looking a little, um, I feel a little sick. Yeah. I stuck a stick where my arm used to be. And I said I had a fair, I got a fair well to my arm. Oh. So chunt last week your arm just fell off. Well, it either fell off or you ripped it off when I asked you to scratch my shoulder.

No, I was barely touching it. No, we'll never know. Well, I guess your curse that is gonna take your life is heightened into its final stages. I think it's working pretty fast. So, I think I'm gonna go ahead and put out into the world, maybe my, I'm gonna cut straight to my final fantasy 7 just because I feel like 7's usually the best fantasy to have your seventh one. It's lucky your final fantasy 7

So a lot of people like 10 I've heard that I don't know if I'll make it to 10 So I'm just gonna go ahead and skip 3 4 5 6 and go straight to 7 so my final fantasy 7 is twofold One I would ask the people of earth to remember me by that they, someone makes a tapestry of my life, of my beginning to the bookings of the animals I've been, I asked that someone please make that tapestry. So this is a sexual tapestry, isn't it? It doesn't have to be. It's just all tapestries, somewhat sexual. Well, yeah, I'm just wondering, like, are there any non-sexual achievements or parts of your life that you want people to put in the tapestry?

Or is that just going to get in the way? I mean, I'm more than just sexual activity. No, I know, but what? I'm proud of what. I'm proud of what? Every animal I've become, or thing I've become, I'm proud of. And I want, I have my tapestry in my room, and truth be told, I planned on giving that to you, Arnie.

But I wanted the people of Earth to have one as well, to remember me by. Yeah. And I just hope someone is willing to take on that task. Sure. And I am Usadou, a wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesious master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devourer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Tarakas, the Illsnumias Fiela.

Feeling zelek, the dwarvesnumias Zodanin who extinguished, and I am no longer the northeast as gasmuinias maist, and there may be other secret ancient. And the second part of my final fantasy is that I may be want to use my sperm. Whoa! The one I carry in a vial around my neck. I thought if I'm going to pass away, I might as well leave behind someone who can carry forth my legacy. Load it up and let it fly. It's been a while since we've talked about the sperm you keep in a vial around your neck. Isn't that a shame?

Yeah. So, remind me how that works like you... It's one sperm. I put it inside my... You take it out of the mouth whenever I'm ready. Shove it back in your thing. I don't shove it. That would hurt.

But I put it in my genitals and... What's that process like? I'm sure you can imagine. I kind of can't. Well, I hold my genitals and what's that process like? I am sure you can imagine. I kind of can't. Well, I hold my genitals and now my right hand, I'm clearly gonna need help putting this hermins because I'm able to do it by yourself. I'm a little sick, and you're gonna need help. Can't you speak to someone in the Badger Kingdom

to give them to make you a better Badger Arm. I would. Oh, I thought you were just gonna have him ask someone in the Badger Kingdom to help him either hold your penis or shove the sperm. Well, aren't you, to be fair, why does your brain always go there? No, I was asking a simple question of a Badger forge

and a Badger blacksmith are gonna make you a mechanical Badger Arm. You free. My question was totally reasonable. Thank you, Ysador. I have asked them to see if they can find some sort of contraption that opens and closes, so I can have full function of both my arms.

Sure. But Arnie, you are a knight in badger service, and I do require you to help me insert my sperm if it ever comes to that. I don't know which task I would prefer. Holding or poking in, but it's very dependent on if I meet the right man or woman. Sure.

I mean, I guess I have three women, if I'm not a pregnant or but can men get pregnant in food? Are there species on food where the males carry the children? There's one. Sea horses. Oh, yeah. Do they have sea horses on earth? They do and it sounds like they're similar. Where the males carry the children? There's one. Sea horses. Oh, yeah. Do they have sea horses on Earth?

They do, and it sounds like they're similar. Ah, so you can ride them upon the waves just like you would a horse upon the land. Okay, sorry, I spoke too soon. Not that similar. What are sea horses on your world? They're just little vaguely horse-looking aquatic fish creatures. No, no, these are like their horses, but they sort of have like, instead of legs, they have like a bunch of little, uh, sillier that, that let them, uh, coast across the water.

They're, it's really fun. By, do they have names? Oh, some of them have names, yes. I rode a seahorse once called, uh, seaword. Seaword, yeah. And mine was called Jesky jesky Oh wow I like that then we went seward you went we'll fast you don't like seward I don't like to see where so so chant are you going to if you're gonna do this

Mm-hmm I want to help yeah I've already ordered you to help well look you can't order me Well, how did you mean you and I help I want to to help you. I mean, look, whatever it takes, if you feel like your Final Fantasy VII Part II is to have someone help you poke your sperm back into your penis and then use that one sperm to impregnate some other creature to have offspring, to have a child before you die of this curse.

I will help. Thank you. I will hold, I will poke, I will wingman, I will do whatever, whatever you need. Thank you, you're a true friend. Of course. I need to find a love of my life in life is short. Well, you can do it.

We'll figure it out. You're not gonna die. We're gonna figure all this stuff out. All I have to do is find a slipper, his pier is gold, and whatever the fuck that means. Who's your guest today, O'Hara? Oh, that's right. Let's have a happier conversation. We're gonna talk to our guest. He's a dancer. His name, and I'm sorry if I mispronounce this. His name is

Josh Swollen Sword? That's right. Yeah, my name's Josh. Yes, you just call me Josh. Yeah. Sure Josh. Yeah, I come from a long line a long line. Swollen swords on my father's side, hard dick, so my mom's like, oh yeah. Yeah, swollen swords. Yeah, that's my favorite expression. Yeah. Well, Josh, how do you spell Josh? Just J-O-S-H. Oh, so like Josh.

Josh, that's a weird one. What's Josh? Josh, on Earth, we would pronounce that Josh. It's definitely Josh. Josh? Yes. Yeah, it's also a well-known word in terms of like if you're joking with someone You say like I'm just joking you. I'm just joking around people say that to me all the time. I love it. Yeah, yeah Josh is that short for anything? No, no, yeah, just just just just just just so okay, so Josh you're a dancer

Yeah, I'm a dancer of sorts I didn't set out to be a dancer. I was I was a Metin star in high school But I did I throw out my hip during a game. Oh, yeah, so you just you just reached in Grevon Possibly I was trying to distract somebody they're about to get the bird Go fetch so yeah through my hip out and I need a hip replacement But I went to a goblin doctor. Oh, so as you guys know, you know, goblins are very good dancers Yeah, yeah, so he gave me a goblin hip so so yes now I dance very very well

Can I play mittens anymore That's a an amazing tail Josh But you said you are a dancer of... He has a tail? I actually do have a tail. Oh, wow. That is an amazing tale. Wow. What's compared?

What do you think? I went. Yeah, I do. Did you mention that you are a dancer of sorts? What do you mean by all sorts? Well, you know, I'll be honest. I mostly do bachelor bachelor parties, weddings. Oh. Oh, uh, well, funerals dancers.

Yeah, well, as you know, once you eat the food off of the body at a funeral, you know, people want to celebrate, and the best funerals have sexual activities involved. So my job is to have a live in the night up, you know. I start dancing. I actually, when I do those, I prefer to be called a hypnotist because I hypnotize people with my hips Oh, yeah, with my own hips. Yeah, so you know, I try to get people in count of the sexual frenzy

Insight some sexualized. Yeah, when a baby dies the best thing to do is to incite a sexual frenzy because people are like Let's make another make another baby round two Yeah, exactly. Josh, so I guess I'm trying to get a sense of what kind of dancing you do. It sounds like it's kind of erotic. You can see that. Yeah, absolutely.

I do like specialty of mine is lap dancing. I'm gonna say so that in that, someone would sit on my lap and I would dance underneath them. Oh! For some time. Wow, that's erotic. I can't clap dance. You can't do it.

Go ahead and give, here's a couple of cold pieces. Go give Arnie a lap dance. Oh, that's okay. Arnie, come over to him. No, that one, all right. I, you know what, chun, chun, chun need some cheering out. Oh, I'll take one. Here we go, let me get out of my seat.

And I'm sitting on ya. All right, here we go. Whoa, I can tell something's pretty wide, but I don't wanna talk about birth stuff. What do you think of that, huh? How about that? That's a wide measure. How's the dance is very interesting.

Like, you don't have a lot of room to move under there, but you're really. No, but I, you know, as you know, Goblins, I mean, they can move most parts of their body, might be faster and much more rapidly. I vibration of sorts sure so yeah, this whole area in my body Just you know losing ways you guys can probably imagine I mean you can cuz you're right on yeah, I'm the feel feeling Hey, this is amazing Oh, why did you decide to go to a goblin talk to her not a human doctor? Oh, it wasn't by choice or a witch doctor

Which doctor I would have loved to come by choice. Or a witch doctor. Witch doctor? I would have loved to have gone to a witch doctor. A witch doctor? Witch doctor? What doctor? Who? On first?

Third base. My parents had an HMO. So what's an HMO? You cannot have a human doctor. HMO stands for humans Question Mark Monsters Only. Oh! That's right, yeah. Yeah, wow.

So you had to go, so you had to go to a doctor. I had to go to a doctor. I mean, there could have been other monsters, but it could have been far worse. Yeah, exactly. And honestly, you know, if I had to do it again, I definitely do do the same thing. I mean, you know, I changed your life.

Yeah, changed my life, and now I change other people's lives Yeah, now what is the worst kind of monster doctor? Gotta be some more Yeah, yeah, doctor. Smorp here. I was smart ration. Yeah, some orpiration. Yeah Yeah, sounds awful. Yeah, anytime they go to like pull something out of you you start buzzing and it's awful Oh, you make a little You make a little sound. But they're real small. I guess they could do like more prescopic surgery and just kind of get in there.

If you say so. So I'm sorry, enough talking about monster doctors. So it changed your life and you've embraced the exotic dancing lifestyle. Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, especially here in here in phone phone I don't know what it's like on earth but you know weddings, funerals, all these things they tend to go better if there is a little flair for the erotic inspiration. Yeah so I just like to think you know if I'm at a child funeral I can put an erection on one person's face. And I've done my job. Wait hold on.

on one person's face. I've been done my job. Wait, hold on. You don't have that on it? No, I just... Makes sense to me. So, who's red? You must forgive Arnold. He's foreign.

He does not understand our ways. And frankly, he's probably a little bit... He's probably a little bit prejudice against you because of your bluish grey skin. Oh, that's right! I'm so sorry! I think it's unfair. Oh, this is the dark one. The dark one.

Yeah, sorry. No, it's alright. It's fine. I think it's very becoming. Yeah, thank you. Nothing wrong with being gray. Thanks, yeah, you know, I do, I do lay out. I do lay out to let it just get a little bit more with being gray. Thanks, yeah, you know, I do lay out, I do lay out to let it just get a little bit more blue than gray.

Yeah, you wanna brighten up that blue by getting, yeah, look at these lines, you know, check these out. Oh, yeah, it's so damn right into that. Real gray on your dirt. Yeah, see foam, that's the color I'd call that. What's that? That's the word I should have said earlier too. What kind of physical upkeep do you have to do

to keep yourself in dance or shape? Oh, I gotta keep it tight. You gotta keep it tight. So I carry a lot of barrels. Yeah, barrels filled with various items. Sure, generally semi viscous materials because those slosh around, it's harder, it's a better form of weight training.

Yeah, one of my full reg regiment. Yeah. I do. Seven days a week. Arms and chest. Yeah. And then also seven days a week. Back and legs. Okay. So you can have just said seven days a week. Everything all the time. But it's not as impressive. Everything every day. I hear he also I hear some ex- dancers do a C-96 routine. C-90. Yeah. That's become that you know that's really swept through the community. They go by the beach by So I hear some ex-align dancers do a C96 routine. C90. That's become, you know, that's really swept through the community. They go by the beach by the sea and they have, they try and have sex 90 times a month and it helps shed pounds and tighten. Wow.

And these people who do it, they talk about it all. Yeah. Oh yeah. Or another option is just insanity. So you join crazy? So crazy that you get, you just get in shape from being crazy. That sounds like insanity. That sounds right.

It sounds right to me. Now, Josh, what's your life like when you're not dancing? Are you married? Do you, do you travel a lot? Are you sort of based in a single location? Well, you know, I have been married a couple times. Oh, yeah. Yeah, three different children.

All deceased. So sorry. No, no, it's fine. So you're no Yeah, three different children, all deceased. So sorry. No, no, it's fine. So you're no longer married? You've moved on. No, you know, my lifestyle's tough. You know, it's tough.

There's people who keep up with me, you know, and it tends to lend you a lot of jealousy, you know. I'm sure. So people are trapped between rocking on a heart dick. Absolutely. You know, this one, my four, four mothers used to say. Four mothers. Well, yeah, because of my mother's side, that's where the hard dick.

Oh, I see. Yeah. Did you ever think about hyphenating? I have. Yeah, just going with a Josh hard dick swollen sword. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a mouthful. That's true.

You know what? We should take a break. We should take a break. Woof! I gotta get some wet in my mouth. I gotta get some wet in my mouth. I'm getting a message from the resident store! I'm just gonna make sure it's on, okay? Oh, they have coal.

Just play everybody. Cool. What do you get, Crub? Why are you going faster?, what's going on? I don't know. Did you, were you littering? Yeah, throughout. What were you doing with the wine casks?

Well, yeah, well, you're doing the wine casks. We were done with them, so I threw them off the wagon. All right, just play cool, all right? State your name and your business. Oh, what? Let me start. I am Yusudah. Weizzing with a 12-brill, of a fecesiest master of light and shadow,

manipulator of magic. The angelic devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Turukus. The elves name is Fienjelok. The dwarves know he is Zodinin' who's stangies, and I am known in the north east of gas, maniacus meystar, and I hear upon Grimhoop, the fifth fastest horse in Foon,

have found your littering to be unacceptable. And he'll get us. Oh, it's over, Tak. Oh, Tak. Crown flower. Good to see you, Hall. But you worth littering. Please excuse us.

Citizens arrest? Why are you here? I am the protector of Foon, from crimes both great as the Dark Lord. Permiate every second and every molecule of the air around us all the way down to the little stuff. Because if you let the little stuff go, then, you know, everyone thinks they can just get away with whatever the hell they want. Did you just want to hang out?

Yeah, no, no, no, no. I'm always the quest boy. It's going well. I would say well Probably not enough magic probably like some magic would help There's there's been times where we thought we could use magic to overcome an obstacle But then we work together and we figure out we don't need magic Yeah, we each of our Is this some crap where friendship is just as good as magic? That's it You saw good luck suckers on your idiot quest for jerks I took that well

We made a good decision not to bring in my think think. Sorry if I was always stepping my bounds up. That figured he'd blow it up anyways. No, you were right. I can never tell when something's a compliment or a nice thing to say, because he just got so upset. Mm-hm. Yeah. Yeah, we were very dark.

I was hoping I could camp with you overnight, even though I called you a bunch of idiot jerks just a second ago. Cestropa camp! Tells them stories. You said, or, Flower and I see a really good rage counselor, and I just wonder if maybe you're interested- I do not know what you are talking about! Whoa! What, that? Huh.

So wait, that... How were you there? What? How were you in that communicate from Otock and Flower and Crom? Well, I was traveling on Grinhoof. The fifth fastest horse in Foon? Yes, that's correct. So these, these, these residents' stone messages were getting...

Have didn't happen just now. Sometimes there's a delay. Oh, I see. Maybe they're on on the side of a mountain or something. Oh, it must be traveling very slowly if you're just off there saying hi to them. Yeah. What are you gonna do? So, Josh, do you feel like people judge you

for being an exotic dancer? I think people do. And people take liberties. People see an arctic dancer. they hire one, they think like, oh I can do whatever I want. You guys are talking about seahorses earlier, I got hired by a bachelor party of seahorses and they got crazy and they were touching. That kind of bothers me. But I find that I face as much discrimination based on, discrimination based on my blue graze again. Sure. As I do based on, you know, the size of,

size my pelvis, size my hips. You know, so it's tough, but, when you're dancing at a funeral, and you're surrounded by the family members of person that does. Sure. The funerals, you really focus on the funerals. You mention a lot of different occasions

that you dance for, but it really is, are the funerals. You mention a lot of different occasions that you dance for, but are the funerals really your passion? Well, at first they weren't, but I was getting hired to do them all the time at a certain point, I was like, you know what, this is the day job, let's make it great. You know, let's make it great. If you love what you do,

you never work a day in your life. And when you think about it, those other occasions are already happy occasions. Great times to be dancing, but to bring joy to people at their loved ones funeral. That is a special gift. Yeah, absolutely. That's what I mean.

You know, you start dancing. You start a lap dance. And the father, if whoever dies, right there in your lap and you're just looking and writing the eyes and he's crying, but he's also smiling. Yeah. Can I get you a meat or something to drink?

Oh, I love a meat. Yeah, me. Anyone else need anything? I'll take a king's juice. I don't have a water. All right. Just water? Yeah, just water.

Don't you want to be happy? No, I just, I don't know. I've just been drinking less, basically. I'm trying to get in shape. Okay. And I figure I will cut alcohol out, but I will change no other part of my lifestyle. Alright, I'll... Okay.

Yeah, if you know what I usually want to... For the father of the child, you usually want to save the last dance. So, Josh, like... You've been married, it didn't work out. Like, what is the future hold for you? Well, you know, I would love to get back into Mitten's if I could. Sure. What about your hip makes you not able to play Mitten's?

Well, it just, I can't, if I get excited, sure, the vibration starts, you know, and I can't really control the direction I'm going. Just not useful on the Mitten's, you know, Mitten's feel. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. So, if you can't control the direction you're going, that's gotta be be bad in any sport It's bad in sports and just in life in general. Yeah, yeah, yeah

You know what like if you think about it like metaphorically if you can't control where you're going You can't and see that's what I told myself a long time ago And that's why I decided whatever the day is that's the dream. Yeah, dream is a day Yeah, you know mittens and dancing like you're a very physical person. It seems like oh, yeah But what and maybe this is too big of a question like what happens when you get older? Mill, Mittens, and Dancing, like you're a very physical person, it seems like. Oh yeah. But what? And maybe this is too big of a question. Like what happens when you get older?

Oh boy. Wow. I never thought about that. Why do you make a grown man cry, aren't you? No, I mean, I guess I was just trying to be a... We should have been giving you a laugh dance right now. Oh, chunt. What?

Let him sit on your lap. And come here here, big boy Papi papi genty Papi veggie Mickey leppy lappy dancing looks fine here your drinks Can I ask you? Josh would you do me the honors of Exotically dancing at my funeral? Absolutely.

That one, you're not gonna die, we're gonna figure this out. I have one arm that's a stick. Things aren't great. Yeah. Josh, since you spend so much time at Funerals, and again, this is a big question, and I hesitate to ask it,

but have you ever thought about what you want at your funeral? Oh, man, oh no, here we go. and I hesitate to ask it, but have you ever thought about what you want at year if you know? Oh, man. Oh no. Here we go. You're really coming into the courtyard. Oh, sorry, Josh. You know, if I had to, if I had to have something, I guess that I'd want. My children back really. Oh, shit. I can't have that for sure. Yeah.

Where'd it go, Ernie? Gosh, there's a lot of pain in this story of this erotic dancer. Well, it's alright. You know, each day, you know, each day you just gotta live it. Who would have thought that an erotic dancer would have a difficult life? I just imagine that every erotic dancer has a really like, you know, a lot of story. I'll just keep throwing money at him, maybe that'll help. Oh, this system does help a lot. Cohen, Cohen, Cohen, Cohen.

You know, it's like, who's gonna put a direction on my face? You know? That's what I do for other people, but it was gonna do that for me at my funeral boy Oh boy, I guess what I'd really like is for The Goblins the Goblin doctor to be there. Yeah, you know who did the operation to me and I'd like for him to be proud of me Because I know for a fact my father's not a first evil I'm really sure that must be hard. Oh it is look. It is hard. Wow, it's just checking.

It's so wide, so wide. Well, Josh, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your erotic dancing with us. Oh yeah, absolutely. Thanks for having me. And I'm sorry if I kind of bribe you down a little bit with some of my questions. Or maybe we can cheer you up. we've gotten a bunch of care packages,

people have been shoving things through the dimensional portal behind the Vermilion Minotaur, we should go through some of this stuff, Chuck, what are some of this candy and stuff we got? This is something from J-Pan. This is from... Oh, Japan! Someone sent us stuff from Japan! E-Q-O-T-Ch-T-A-Ch-T-A-Ch-T-A-Ch-T-A-Ch-T-A. It's from a che Ekuo-te-chita. Achita. It's from a cheetah named Akiu. Um, and this is some sort of...

mmmm... Murder box. I can't read any of this. Do you know this language? I know, I don't. This is, I mean, I'm assuming it's Japanese. It's a bunch, it's like little, it looks like little bird candy burgers with flags in them.

This seems very labor intensive. Wow, yeah, the instructions on the back for this candy is really the most elaborate. I feel like I've gotten, I've gotten, putting together computers with instructions that were less complicated. Your candy has instructions on us. Yeah, look at this, use it, or.

Is it a little knife and a little Chevy? It's adorable, but confusing. I'll use this knife for later. Oh no. Hey, let's look at the actual candy. Is there some kind of candy as well? Oh, there's also a package here from... This is from...

Eh, but... Santa Trading Shinmiichi Nishiku from Japan as well. This is a different package. And this is... Little bottles of soda candy We have vitamin CC lemon a little orange with a smiley face and a bee going towards a lemon. I'm gonna try the CC lemon Yeah, it's good Like you should like box face good. Oh, it's much better than Foxy good. Yeah, here's one more large box on old

Oh great here you sort of't you open it all right see yes listen to eating is kind of like listen to dancing yeah it's true it comes with a letter it says May 4th 2016 May the 4th be with you dear Arnie Chountain you should all Wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Holes of Trakis,

the elves know him as fiend. New Alliance, Zellic. The dwarves know him as zone in a new extinguisher, and he is also known in the Northeast as Gaspanius Maystar, and also other names I do not know. I am sending along these little guys in hopes they can provide a distraction target for the Dark Lord so you can sneak upon him and defeat him. Or Gorgeous can play with them the next time Otox questing group drops by. I

included an eye patch, empty bottle, and handful of magic stones for realism. Spin Tox only got his pandanomicon because who even is he really? Good point! Death to the Dark Lord and I guess life to chunt and a return home for Arne. Wintox only got his pandanomicon because who even is he really good point Death to the dark lord and I guess life to chunt and a return home for any from Michelle McCasey Oh and look here Oh my god, those are awesome look at these wonderful little Simulations of myself and spin-tax. They're lit. Yeah, they almost look like They're crafty little wizards. They almost look like 70s Christmas tree toppers. I wish I could describe them better with words. They're kind of amazing. I'll try to

take a picture and put it up. I'll tweet them or something this week. Very, very. You can follow me at Magic Tavern on Twitter. You can follow me at Yusodoa the Blue, or you can contact me by breathing directly into a glass cup. Collect that breath, eye that very bit of steam that the escape thine lips collected and watch it coalesce into a single drop, and then with that drop, put it's ever so gently on top of a tiny grasshopper, and then ask the grasshopper to come and find me. You can also reach me at chontajima.com, that's channel six T's,

or at chontalusixis on Twitter, but not for long, babies. Oh no, you can reach me at Magic Tavern, at puppies.supplies. It's a real email address. We probably don't have time to read any emails, but I do want to bring up, you know, I've gotten a lot of emails.

I know you said, or you hate frequently asked questions. But we've gotten a lot of people have mentioned that we had the melky or the keeper of the doom horn that plays at the end of the world. His job gives him immortality that, Chant, you should have tried to just take his job and you'd be immortal. Next time. I mean, I think he would have to voluntarily give up that job.

He doesn't seem to be any person here to release that horn. Do you even want that job? No. That job blows. Dances out. Josh dances out. Josh? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance! So erotic.

We all have erections on our face. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! What a lot of pretending! And what a lot of laughing at each other's jokes. Just think if Master Betori laughter were teaspoons of tequila, we'd have an entire Cinco de Mayo. Can Ear Drum's Cry? Well, ready or pontoon boat for the River of Tears generated by Matt Young's tectonic performance

as user door, wizard of the 12th, 25 seconds later. Chant the shape shifter was played by Aval Rathai. This week he lost an arm. I wonder when he lost the urge to support other people's ideas. Josh Swollen's sword was played by special guest Laurence Collard. Laurence performs regularly with tone at Chicago's I.O. theater, as well as with Little Gary at C.I.C. Otaq Barley Foot was played by Nick Bear.

Flower was played by Brooke Bright, and Crom the Fingarian was played by Mark Logston. Craig, I demand that you transport us to the bridge. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacober, and Rindy Georgie, this one edited by Evan Jacober. Music by Andy Poland, Logo by Allard LaPon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter or good or wiki. We have a wiki, it's linked to the main page there. If you go to hellofrommagictavern.com there's a wiki link and if you have ever any questions about,

what was the use of yours name for the fairies? It's probably on there. Or if it's not, please add it because we want to keep that up to date. So check that out. Also we'll be doing a live show in Chicago on July 9th. So watch the Magic Tavern Facebook page for more information on that and where to get tickets if you wanna see it. So Craig, what will you be wearing to the final fantasy reference appreciation society parties

happening across the globe tonight? I'll be wearing my gilded armor made out of irony. my gilded armor made out of irony.