Hello From The Magic Tavern - 66 - The Curse

Episode Date: June 13, 2016

It feels like this may be it... our last chance to save Chunt.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungDorian Deville: Zach ThompsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Attention, the Earth Audience. The following podcast is nothing to take seriously. It's simply a group of bored humans playing pretend. But it is part of the crotch weasel, it would rather the earwolf network. And against all reason it continues to be sponsored by Cards against Humanity. Send your care packages to Cards Against Humanity, 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois, 60642, care of Arnie Neacamp, Vermillion Minotaur, Town of Hogspace, Land of Foon, and the good people at Cards Against Humanity will drive your package over to the Burger King and shove it through the dimensional portal for Arnie Chountain Usador to enjoy. And now, who wants some made up scenarios? Hello from the Magic Tavern.

A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arne Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is what's going on. A little over a year and some stuff ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I still get a slight Wi-Fi signal, I think through the dimensional portal from the Burger King, and I use that to record a podcast that I host every week here in the tavern,

the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of fun. And I'm joined, as always, by my dear, dear friends. Hi, I am Yusudor. Wizard of the 12th Rail, Muffesious, master of light and shadow. Minipulator of magical the lights. Devour of chaos. Champion of the great halls of Tarakus. The elves know me as Fienjalk. The dwarves know me as Zodyn who extinguishes. And I have known in the Lord these. Let-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- I can do nothing for our other co-host. Oh, slippery.

I know, I know. Things are looking a little bleak. We're also joined, as always, by my co-host, Chunt, the talking badger. Bingbong, King of the Badgers, Big Fifter. Chunt, I gotta say you're not looking good. Yeah, I don't wanna be a stick arm in the mud, but I am not feeling great.

Listen to him trying to be chipper. Yeah, yeah, he's being in his bogging You know, I have to recognize guys, you know, life has me above an oven And I'm gonna try and make the best of my final days hours minutes I have and I want to let you know that I did bring for you now It was very hard to write with one arm, but I did bring for you my last will and test statement Last will and test statement. Yes, I wrote up my will who gets what you store gets Chichu's chow You get you get my home Arnie But all my possessions in the home go to Pimbley nibble bottom so you'd have to read so it's just like a dirt hole in the ground

Basically, but it's a starting point. It's a starting point, absolutely. It's a starter home. Let me see this test statement. You got a seven out of 10. Oh, wow, that's pretty good. Is that like a... Usually do you do that wait until after they're dead to give them their score?

No, I want another score. I want another score before you die. Before you die you want another score. Sure, sure. But you know what, I gotta say, like I've been trying to be very optimistic, John, about your chances of surviving, but you just, like all your color is drained,

like I don't even know how that happened with your fur, like your fur, you're almost black, well you are black and white, but even the color of the black and white is gone. Being bummed, the chin is dead. Oh, you're dying at least. I've traveled from one end of this land to the other, and to no avail if I've been able to help the...

So let me give you this gift. I brought a pillow. Allow me to smother you here. Oh, thank you so much. What a good friend. No, you're the best. What? No, no! First of all, I still think...

We even have only half minutes. Maybe we can figure out a way to reverse this curse. Why would I not want to, in my life, being smothered by someone I consider a close as a brother? Yes. A smothery brother? No. No, hey, look, actually, I almost forgot. Look, this week, I went back out to my car.

My car that's in Michinkelshane Forest. I dug through it just seeing if I could find anything and there's this full junk and stuff from my life. And I found this tiny little baby booty. I found this little, it's been sort of painted a gold color. It's a gold baby booty. John is going to die and Oh no, it's life is nothing but junk. That was a great story, aren't you?

No, no, no, there's a point. There's a point to all this. Right? So before, remember that I had that dream that said, if we could collect a cow is wide as milk. Don't sing it, don't sing it. Okay, a cow is wide as milk. Nobody else needs to do that. A cape as red as blood, hair as yellow as corn and a slipper as pure as gold. We now have all of the things.

I mean, that's great, but I've already filled my fur full of stones and I'm just going to walk into the lake. Why are you? I was wondering, you looked heavier. Thank you. Roode. Roode. Just collecting, you've been collecting stones.

You're not looking so hot yourself there. No, I know. I would need those stones to just sink in the lake. I wrote you a little poem before I die. I just want to read you this poem. Yeah, I'd love to hear it quick. Okay. Arnie Neacamp.

Taint's so bad. Best damn friend. My head around. And it's Arnie Neacamp, comma, Taint's so bad. Best damn friend. My overhead. Aw. And it's Arnie knee camp, comma, taint's so bad. Oh, yeah, all right. But there's a lot of stink lines.

I see you are. You are stink lines coming. You are the best friend I ever had. You're the best friend I ever had. It's been a weird passive aggressive back and forth, but I love you, Tuchit. It has. Look, look, okay, look.

I have this slipper. I have this hair that I got from that dude. I have this red cape that I got from Melkeor, the keeper of the doom horn that blows at the end of the world. And I have this slipper, which isn't gold, but you know what, maybe like the fact that it's from my daughter will make it,

and it is gold, it's a slipper as pure as gold. I'm just gonna, I gotta lift this dead cow up on the table. I'm just gonna shove these things together and maybe something will happen. It's worth a try. It's worth a try. Let me focus all the mystical energies of the room around this pile so they make a lesson to a single form. Cow! Yeah, it's Jan Tath.

Conantraith! I sort of thought... BING! Oh! It flust! I am free of my prison of the Astrid Plane. Oh! How wonderful we have conjured a man of some sort. Yes, Gory and Deville be my name.

Dory and Deville? Indeed. I was the former court jester to Bruce the Skyguard. Oh. Banished though I was. Uh-huh. To the astroplane and now here I appear before thee. You have completed your list for me. Yeah, so did you...

Was this information somehow implanted in my head to bring you forth? It was indeed. Oh. It was indeed implanted in your mind. I must tell you that the whole that the memory Gremlin left in your mind is big enough for many to pass through Oh, I suspect that hole was already there, but I tell us to wait and what for were you banished to be honest with you as the jester I was playing many a prank and I I took honor the warrior's loincloth and put it into a freeze and then when he put it on

Yeah, did he ever shrivel? Last time his father was so angry that I was banished to the astral plane and I must tell you that you You gasmed as the one that led me here Your pillow talk to that lovely gen Libya on the astral plane is what has led me here? Oh the beautiful Jen Levia. Oh this figured as she is and so lovely. This figured as she is. Yes, Jen Levia. Well established, well established. Oh how I do love her. Beautiful red wizard. Oh I love meeting her on the astral plane and

though she will not meet me in real life life Meeting her there and having wonderful little butterfly kisses as she does run away from me And I do do chase each other around. It's sort of a play for its fun You said or if you only meet her on the astral plane is it possible you're being catfished What is it possible that someone else is like Astral Catfish in the astral plane Well, it's a possible that someone is astraly projecting as genlevia I suppose so but what do catfish have the astroplane? Well, it's impossible that someone is astrally projecting as genlevia. I suppose so, but what do catfish have to do with it?

Uh, on Earth it's an, it's an expression when someone pretends to be someone else. An innocent expression? I mean, I, I guess it's not. So when you say that you're a young hip dude, you're catfishing us? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, yes, I understand. Yes, but I'm sorry, so Doreen Deville. Yes. I summoned you back. I have summoned myself here.

Oh. So to speak. So you're not just here to do my bidding? I am not. Oh. Are you in need of bidding be done? I am in need of bidding be done. Well, why you guys talk about it?

You should go ahead and just put that piece of my mind. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, But you must know that I myself am also in quest of something that you can help me with. Oh. Now I know- So- Oh, quests. That you need a curse reversed or- Yes. Or was it a three-peat repeated? Uh, I need a curse. I think it's a curse reverse.

Excellent. That I can do. Chant, cursed, though he may be by, I believe, a magic coin. Yeah. Found in the forest. All of which I gleaned from your ever open head. Yeah, my head is my head really that open Is it still like it is quite open a memory Gremlin can make a lot of damage? Is that why I'm so bad at math now? No No, just always there was before that always bad always bad But I can reverse this curse

Okay, I must put you through a series of challenges to make sure that you're up to it. And then you must exchange for me the curse reversal, something I very much need. I have a need for an earth person's consent for something. No. That is the last in my list. The list that for you was a cow, his white, his milk, and a slippery, pure, his gold, a cape, his red, his blood,

and hair, his yellow, his corn. The last, I'd demand mine, is an earth man's consent, the only earth man I'm aware of in this area is under the giant, and his will cannot be bent. Yeah, you must be careful here, Arnold, there's a sane infoon, you scratch my back, all scratch yours, but then I might ask you for something else that you weren't really expecting. Mm-hmm. scratch my back, I'll scratch yours but then I might ask you for something else that you weren't really expecting. Mm-hmm. Ornie, well, hey, I have an idea. He said he needs your consent. What if you gave him a prisoner's aroma?

That's consent. Cotton, no, I can't say that. I don't know if we'll trick this guy. I don't think we can pun her way out of this one. Well, then I'm screwed. We accept the challenge. Okay, we accept the challenge. I give you my consent. I must know if you're fit for my series of challenges

How will you know I must know if Arnie's hand is bigger than his face? If your hand is bigger than your face, you're ready to face a challenge. Oh, I'm going to need some rooster feet and three more nails. This is going to be a good night. Excellent. Rooster's feet is what will lead us to our next challenge. Okay. So I think my hand is bigger than my face. Yes, that was a rooster. Oh, he was.

Was he just wanted to hit you with your hand in the face? That was a double point. Oh, okay. What's the... Wait wait, but wait you really feel like it is Do for do good work Thank you. I pushed my little stick right into his hands Good heavens. Okay, okay first first task Completed yes indeed, okay, you have mastered the first task now the second Has to do with this freshly arrived batch of rooster's feet. Okay. I have upon my person a

Hot sauce. Okay created from spectra peppers Spectral pepper. It is the hottest sauce I myself have ever tasted. Oh boy. Have you tasted a lot of hot sauces? I myself have ever tasted. Oh boy, have you tasted a lot of hot sauces? Not a good ticket. So it could be not, it could be. Hey, if I'm thinking positively, maybe it's not that bad. I'm sure it will be fine. Yeah.

I will douse this roost as foot in this spectral hot sauce, and you, you must eat it. Okay, here's to be glowing green. That's not a good thing. I do have some acid reflux issues, so hot sauce doesn't... It's super green. We can just end this all now

and I shall return to the ester plane and... No, no, no, no, no, I mean, I can go. I can have a sleepless night of, of gourd, and it'll be fine if it keeps chun alive. All right, let me see these roosters feed. Here you are. Okay. Ooh. Okay. Oh!

Oh! Hot enough for ya. Oh! Can I get something to drink? Can I get something to drink? Ah, of course. Aya, some more ale for Arnie. Aya, yes. Unpleasant. Yeah, it's very unpleasant.

I don't understand why people make condiments like this. Yeah, it's too much. This is not enjoyable. This is gonna be enjoyable for you. I don't like it people make Gundamins like this. Yeah, it's too much. This is not enjoyable This is gonna be enjoyable. I don't like it when it's just hot Right I like it to have flavor right just heat. Yeah, what's the point? Yeah, but I also want to torture at that point does anybody else want to try this? No, I get what really bad But I feel like somebody to share this experience fine. I'll have here I feel like somebody needs to share this experience. Fine, fine, I'll have it.

Here. That's not bad. Okay. Hey, let me grab one. That's not bad. That's pretty mild. Okay. Of course, I have a wizard's constitution

and chants the badges. So these things affect us differently, obviously. Oh, my eyes are crying from these last days. It's challenges. It's not that we think that you're weak. Uh-huh. It isn't that It may indeed be that an earth person's constitution is just different Yeah, it's a big

It occurs to me that I shouldn't have done these challenges All right, no, okay, are we getting are we getting close? Are we there is but one more challenge? Challenge the third! Hmm, challenge night. Well you know what, quick, let's take a, I do have to wash some of this out though. Let's take a quick break, and then we'll get to the third challenge

to save Chun's life. Are you doing what I'll put your hand up to your face and wipe all your tears? Okay, sure, yeah. Yeah, damn it. Boom, baby. I am trying to save you. I am trying to save you.

I appreciate it Okay, we're back with Dorian the former court jester to bring toville. Yes to Bruce the sky god. Yes, all mighty Bruce Bruce Okay, so we have another challenge to save chance life. That's correct These have been unpleasant. I've got to say. Well, tell you what, yeah, we can bow out. Let's do a challenge that I'll create. Let's see how long I can breathe

with a pill over my face. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no likely I'm gonna die and I want to die on my own terms. I understand where Chant is coming from though. He's come to a place of acceptance and now This last minute hope might actually break his heart more than anything else. Arnold if you fail I'm not gonna fail. I fear Chant may never be the same. I'm not gonna fail also to be honest You might really bummed at that seven out of ten on my test I'm so sorry. Did I misspelling a word or did I use the wrong? It's the matrices that messes everybody up It's the math part. It's always the math part. Oh math is hard. Okay. It's all right speaking of hard Like you must complete one atomic sit up

All right, so I'm not sure if I can complete a sit up This is no ordinary sit up. This is an atomic sit it easier sit up. It is no ordinary sit-up. This is an atomic- Is it an easier sit-up? It is a sit-up done by most tombs getting fume. Okay. You must lie on your back. All right. And I shall cover you with this your face with this bar napkin. Uh-huh. And the the immense pressure of the bar napkin will make it nearly impossible for you to do a single sit-up the immense pressure of the bar now Do you not believe me? I may have new barnackens had such a great battle. Okay, I mean all right. This is if I got a vast difference Lay down, lay down. Okay, there we are. Yeah, just for practice. Let's go ahead and do one one sit-up by itself

I have to do a practice sit-up. Oh, please don't I don't think there's any coming back The show is only so long Very good. This means really popping out. It's almost as if his hand is bigger than his face. This is really working up This acid reflux from before yeah, let me lay this bar napkin upon your face. Now try to do the atomic sit-up. Okay. And Arnie, you can't see this, but on the back of the napkin, you wrote, you will fail.

So that's the pressure, the pressure's on. Okay. Oh. Oh. Ha, ha, ha. You sat right up into my butt crack. No, I got the boom. Oh, boom.

Oh. Oh. Damn it. God damn it. Oh. up into my butt crack! Oh, boom! Ah! Damn it! Damn it! What? I'm sensing a pattern. Are these the kind of challenges that normally happen to reverse the curse? Arnie, real quick, I gotta say. I love this guy.

He's a trickster. A trickster to a almighty god. He doesn't seem like a trickster, A-a-a-a-chester to a-all mighty god. He doesn't seem like a trickster, he seems real low-key. Ah, it's very true. He's only going to humiliate you. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a Terry, Tallyho! Tallyho indeed, your challenges are complete. A challenges are complete? That is, but one more thing that I require. You must understand, as I mentioned before.

No, he's not going to understand. Chant's curse cannot just disappear within the D-ether. Someone else here in Foon will absorb that curse and expire immediately here. With no breaks, no choices, it could be anyone here in this land of food. Let's give it to Chris. Chris must take on my curse. Can we decide who to give the curse to? Like, we could give it to the Dark Lord and we could solve yousadour's quests. Unfortunately, that's not part of it. It could be any person. It could be any man, woman, child, or being within this land.

And you must, unfortunately, take Chant's person, but stood on someone unsuspecting. Oh, I gotta say, I'd be comfortable giving it to a child, but a man or woman, I don't feel comfortable with that. I'm just gonna die. I don't wanna... No, I'm just gonna be honest. This is your decision to make.

It is Arnie's decision to make. My apologies, my dear friend. Yes, yes, yes, you must understand that I need his consent to complete my quest. Oh, the guilt of this then would lie on your shoulders. Okay. I can live with that. You'll be cool. I feel like, I really want to save you, John, but you're really making me question it.

Look, this is obviously like a serious moral quandary, right? Like I would be responsible for someone's death. Yeah. If I know enough about what's in your mind someone else's death Be it by agitating some sort of barbarian in this very tavern or by by some other means you've been responsible for plenty of death Yeah. No, that's good point. Yeah. Guys, there's a caterpillar on my arm. Yeah. That's beautiful. Life is beautiful. Life finds a way. I'll see you have to say, Trent. Trent, I love you.

I love you. I want you to tell me one thing. I want you to say I want to live. I don't believe this bullshit about you being ready to die. I just think that you don't want to, I think you don't want to give into it. But I have the pillow if you need it. Stop trying to die cool. Stop trying to die cool I just think that you don't want to, I think you don't want to give into it. But I have the pillow feeding it. Stop trying to die cool! Stop trying to die cool, chat! This is just like when my friend, which Sophie, had to choose... Sophie's choice.

What? What did she have to choose between? She had to choose between Rouser's feeder or Spice Potatoes when I took her out on a date. Oh my. What are you talking about? It just seems like a hard choice. It does seem like I always was a hard choice. Yeah, so if you had a terrible time making that choice, but in the end she went with Spice Potatoes. I mean they're both terrible. Here's what I'll say. I don't like this, but because you're my friend, I would like to live in order to help you get home. Thank you, buddy. Thank you, Chuchu. I feel bad, but you know what? If it's some random person that we don't know is just gonna die?

And it saves Chunt's life? I-I-let's do it. I agree. The choice is made. Your quest is complete. My quest is complete. Chunt, you will find that your arm has regenerated. Whoa! I think that caterpillars inside my arm. No, no, no, no, no. Now once and future King of the Badgers is restored, curse free. Boom, maybe did we complete Yusidor's quest, too?

Does Yusidor have a quest? I've only been inside of Arning's mind. Yes. Didn't find anything about it. I don't think about it, though. You don't think about my quest to defeat the Dark Lord of Boon. I tried to block it out, honestly. Speaking of which, honestly, I could have traded all of this for a lunar sword had he completed any of this quest.

Really? So far, but it wasn't too terribly bad. Come on, I don't know. I still, I feel like I got some crackstank on my nose. You probably do. I've been in the Astral Plane. There's not a shower for anywhere. Guys, I feel great.

Do I look okay? You look great. Your color's back. Get up on the table and I'm going to do a little... Oh, look at that. That's a show. Yeah. I'm back, baby.

Yay, chun! Are you happy? Admit it. You're happy to be alive. I'm happy to be alive. How do you manage to so frequently display those buttholes when you dance? Play properly. Because I have no shame.

Bap-bap-bap-bap. I'm loving it. What? No, never mind, Earth people are... I'm torn on this one. Doh-doh-dorian. What shall we come of you now? I shall return to the Northeast,

where I shall try to take my place at Titania's side. Take a place at Titania's side. Yes. Now that Albion Bell Roth has been killed! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha can make my moves on tatanya. Oh, that good king Albane. Oh, so many people will try to get with tatanya now. So many people behind this guy. So many such people behind this guy. Yes, you haven't any idea how jealous I was of Bruce when he was able to manifest himself into Albane and then beget our Northern warrior.

But the king, the good king Albane, kind and wise ruler of the Northeastern god. Oh, I don't feel good that we killed Tom's death. Arnold, how could you do this? Great, I killed. Yeah, this is your fault. Yes, thank you so very much. I shall shortly make my way to the Northeastern

right into that bachiever what I so rightly belong. Ah! He flew right up into the rafters. He's gone. He can still smell him. Although maybe that's just something I know. Man, I killed the king of the Northeast. I think wrong the king's dead.

Well, I guess we could try to cheer ourselves up by opening some of these packages of people who have been shoving through the rift behind the Burger King. Oh, yes, me first. Me first. While he's doing that, can I say, we should probably give you a new nickname, maybe like a King Killer or King Slayer. Are those taken?

No, look guys, first of all, let's keep this information to ourselves. That's not like, like maybe no one would, maybe people will just think that the king died of a heart attack and maybe there's no reason they need to know. Oh my gosh, there's no reason they need to know. I already told that's sterling. I told the bird?

Yeah. To be fair, Dorian is also a trickster, so maybe I have these wings. Or are unrelated. Yeah. I think for our own safety, we should just go with that. Yeah, we also don't know for sure he's dead. Yeah. If he's a trickster, he could just be saying that.

Yeah, that's true. That's be positive. Let's enjoy these packages of people sent us. Well, let's enjoy these packages. I received a some sort of letter card from a Shannon Herbert There's a picture of a man in the top right corner. Who is that? That is a young Elvis Elvis He's an elfish so he's not a follow-up. He's just a little bit. Yeah, the front is a picture of a dog with a tiny duck on its head. Ooh, give it here. And then inside it says, hello, Arnie and Chunkton, you said, oh, I know it must be tough to be so far away from your family

in a strange land, but you've adapted amazingly well. Of course, it always helps to have great friends or goon companions, as it were. I'm writing to tell you to stay strong and keep up alive that you will return home, while artfully tying up an ever-increasing number of plot threads, ah, yes, PSU SADOES DOPE IS HELL. Can I ask you by what name the ladies know him by? Then an apprentice says, when life hands you troubles, just keep making bubbles. Keep on making bubbles. Hmm, keep on- Oh, my fancy travels, just keep making bubbles.

Keep on trucking, Shannon. Well, the ladies, of course, know me as Yusador the Blue, but they don't want to let me stay blue for too long, if you know what I mean. They like to cheer him up. That's right. Okay, here, let me see. I got some package here.

It's too chunt from the Beard family, and it just says- Don't touch some package here. It's too chunt from the Beard family. And it just says, don't touch my package. If that's the chunt, that's my package. Let me reach into your package. It just says, yeah, baby. And it's a shirt. Ooh, another shirt for a black t-shirt that says, very colorfully says, I have two buttholes.

Yeah, baby. All right. There you go. Oh, proud. New shirt. Just so everybody that All right. There you go. Proud. New shirt. Just so everybody that sees you will know. Wonderful. Put this on over my other shirt.

Oh, yeah, baby. Looks good. Very good. Very good. I have two buttholes. Now I have two shirts for both my buttholes. Yeah. Hey, chunt, open your was.

So let's see here. I have a package, a very heavy package. This is from Colin and Rebecca, roaminglocal.co. It says, hello Arnie, you said door in chund. We figured Arnie might be getting tired of spice potatoes and fried fox face, so he wanted to send him some earth food from Austin. Oh, oh, from Austin. Is that a person, Austin?

It's a great city in an okay state. Alright, you heard it here first. We run a subscription food box that chooses one city per box and ships out the best pantry items from that city. We would love to do a future box around the food and hocks face. Can you guys list your favorite six items that are made there?

Oh, nice. And again, that's from Colin and Becca at roaminglocal.co. Oh, also here at the bottom, it says your listeners can get their first box for only $35 with code. John's up with that. So I just accidentally read it for motions.

Sneakily spun. Sneakily. We don't we don't pre-read these. So follow suit listeners if you want us to promote something. Lesson learned. I have another package here from Gwen Gillespin of Columbia, Missouri. Yep.

That's exactly right. I see. Yes. We're here. And so let's are on top. And then exactly right. Yes, we're here. There's a letter on top and those things inside Hi fellas just in a little care package of the best dollar store items I could find For Arnie a book of Sudoku Sudoku

Puzzles to help keep your witshop on the quest for the Luna sword and to help you with your math skills For chant a tiny horse to help keep your wits shop on the quest for the Luna Sword and to help you with your math skills. For chant, a tiny horse, sorry for the lack of top hat and buttolls, for usador, a deck of magical cards. I'm not sure what kind of magic they contain, but I'm sure you'll figure it out for everyone, bubble gum.

You might have to explain this one Arnie, and a package of fruit confusion, just because I want to hear Yusudor Yel fruit confusion! Very loudly. Your confusion. Fruit confusion. Your Earth friend Gwen. Yes, and all the things she has mentioned are in here.

Just as promised, magic, black, deck, or blank, toot, vids. This appears to be in multiple languages, some of which are unfamiliar to mine eyes, but oh, I shall learn every single word of this mysterious and unknown language, and when I unlock its secrets, I shall have more power than ever before. And a book of Sudoku. Ooh, wow, these are amazing gifts, thank you.

Yeah, thank you for all the people that have been sending these gifts and having them shoved through the dimensional portal. It really cheers me up, it makes me forget about some of the choices we've made. Are the choices you're trying to forget the ones that led to the death of King Alabame D'Alofo? Oh... Yeah. Well, none of that was real, but Chunt survived. For those of you terrified at the prospect of this podcast without Chant, just remember it wouldn't have been much different.

Chant the surviving shapeshifter was played by Abel Rafi, who can now continue to give us a solid 15% for years to come. Yuzador was played by Math Young, no doubt an emotional freefall from the lack of his usual chokehold on people's attention spans for one week. Dorian Deville was played by special guest Zach Thompson. You can see Zach perform at ComedySport Chicago and also with the improvised Shakespeare company. Craig, don't let me have all the fun, add in your own lackluster mumblings. OK, hello from the Magic Taffer was produced by Arne and Ecamp, Evan Jacober, and Ryan

E. Georgie, this one edited by Chris Raffchen, music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard Lebonne, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistants by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op and of course thanks to Earwolf. Well, so much for my interpretive dance to Eulogize Chunk. And I was gonna do that thing where you hang upside down from silk ribbons and everything. I mean, can we do it anyway? I learned all this choreography. No?

Okay.