Hello From The Magic Tavern - 7 - Princess Trachea-Aurelia Belaroth

Episode Date: April 16, 2015

I get to meet my first real princess on the podcast this week. The name "Belaroth" sounds familiar.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungPrincess Trachea: Megan O'NeillOtok Barleyfoot: Nick BaerMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard Laban You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Oh, look at that. Just when you thought an eyeball wouldn't grow in the center of your hand, life finds away. The following podcast is not real. But it is really sponsored by Basecamp. When you use Basecamp to run projects, people know what to do, people know where things are, and you stay on top of everything all the time. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon.

I'm your host Arnie Neekham. In case you haven't listened to the podcast before, I'm from Chicago. I a little over a month ago fell through. I guess some kind of like magic portal behind a Burger King into the land of Foon. It's sort of like I guess Narnia is like the closest thing I could describe it to. Anyway, I'm still getting a really weak Wi-Fi signal through the portal from the burger king.

So I have a little bit of internet access, not much. And I'm using that to post a podcast every week that I record here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur in the land of food. So thanks so much for listening. As always, or as almost always, I'm joined by Yusudor the Wizard. Ah, yes.

I'm Yusudor the Wizard. Wizard of the 12th realm of Efeasius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Trockus. The elves know me as Fieing Yalik. The dwarves know me as so many new stangies. Who does that? No. I'm an I'm also known throughout the North East as...

You know, you guys made us make us. Are you a dude already? Hey! Yes, of course I'm fine. I'm not interested in inviting anyone on a quest with me. What? What? Why not? You've been all about this quest if I give... No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not interested in the least. I hope nobody decides to go with me.

What? You're really sulky. I wish our listeners could see the look on your face. It's not anything to see, it's just a... Just a wizard? In a tavern, wiling his days away? I mean, if twelve strong men and women and dwarves and elves came up to me, insisted that I go on a quest I suppose I could be convinced to, but it's not the desire that I have, most certainly.

Yousador, if it makes you feel any better, if it cheers you up, weeks ago, maybe I don't remember for our first or second episode, when we were talking about the Dark Lord and how his name cannot be spoken. No, no. It's you can say it if you want. How you said that I should write down a list of names I thought might be. I actually took the time to think of what some evil names might. Oh, well. And you can tell me if they're right so that I won't say them later. All right.

Okay, all right, okay. So just I'm going to throw out some potentially evil names. I'm not that excited about this No, no, it's okay. It's just playing it very cool. You're playing it very cool, man I'm glad you're being on some of my slang. Alright, so Voldemort No, Darth Vader. No, but I like that. That's a good one, isn't it? Yes, it has a real rinked off Vida Sauron

Sauron Sauron. Sauron? Sauron. No. No Sforatu. No. Falsa Doom. Are you even trying? No, these are very evil names, Bielzebub.

Bielzebub. The authority. The authority. The authority. The authority. It's very evil name in my world. What was the one you said after that? The authority.

Not clever, but no. Count Duku. I know. Now that I say it, it sounds pretty slow. Absolutely not. The Babaduke. The Babaduke? The Babaduke.

No. If it's in a word or in a book, you can't escape the Babaduke. Duku, Duku, Duku, never mind. Imhotep. No. Candyman. That's much closer than dude. Never mind. Imhotep. No. Candyman. That's much closer than any of the rest. Really?

Yes. I'm actually not going to say it anymore. You're definitely going to say three times. Oh, yes, exactly. Oh, so I think you may be intuiting some Candyman knowledge. Yeah, maybe. A smog. Smog?

Smog. Smog, you're saying smog. No, a smog. Smog? I've been led to believe it's smog. I don't think that sound right to me Gavin No, the dog lord is not named Gavin Borg queen No, no definitely not bull. All right, well, I'll try to come up with some more later on all right

Let's let's meet some of her. Oh actually we unfortunately chunt. I don't what's going on with chunt lately Chunt has been very hot and cold with me. I think he's not just depressed that he's still a badger or whatever. He's not here. I don't know that he's depressed that he's a badger. He enjoys all the forms that he takes. I would say that perhaps maybe he's a little overroughty, and it can be difficult to have a guest stay in your place for a long time.

Can you over-st stay in the welcome here? Oh, right, I think as much as I'm enjoying staying with him, I probably overstayed my welcome. I was, you didn't do that for me. Okay, well anyway, we have some open rooms. Yeah, well thank you so much, and that reminds me, we are joined once again by O-Talk Barleyfoot, the owner and proprietor of the Vermillion Minotaur,

the tavern, which we podcasted from. That is correct. Thank you for coming back. I know you're very busy man. Oh well, I'm always around. Oh it's great to have you. And our special guest this week. I don't know too much about you but I hear that you are... No should you. No should I. No. All right well your royalty, she is Princess, Tracia, Aralia, Beloroth. I'm charm to be here sort of. It's mostly Iaroth. I'm charmed to be here, sort of. Mostly I'm here because I'm on a mission. Wow! Belaroth! The name Belaroth sounds very familiar to me.

Are you joking? I'm not joking. Well, you must understand Princess. It's Arnold comes from another land, and he knows not of our ways, or of our customs, or of our great history, and the great family of the Bella Roth Bella Roth, oh is the bell RUN DADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADAD one pardon for not knowing who I am. Okay. But should you ever, ever, misspeak my name again, I will cut out your tongue,

tie it on a leather strap and you shall wear it around your neck as a reminder of your insolence. Okay, I do not want that. I do not want that. Oh, talk about it today. We should order some food in order of the princess.

Say it again. Forgot let's a brand new wine, please. Lemme show you one. I was hoping perhaps too that we might get an order of rooster's feet this evening. Anything for you, Fianny, I like. So Princess Trakia, Aralia, fellaroth.

Yes. What brings you to Hawkface? I am traveling about my kingdom in search of my long-lost brother. He absconded from my castle. Rumors he left in a washpin. He's niban heard from again, and I'm extremely worried about him. I would very much like to locate him and question him with both words and mechanisms of torture to find out the reasons that

he has turned his back on all life. Well, you need not worry about us. We certainly have not seen Tom Blay. Bellaroff? Oh, yeah. No, we have not seen Tom Blay. Are you certain this Arnold had a knowing look in his eyes? It's Arnie. Perhaps I'll pluck the mountain, take them with me, and they will give me clues. No. Princess, forgive his insolence, but you must remember that this is a man who has

absconded from his own family. Demand demanded them. He did it. I have not run away from my family. We don't need to go into it. Sarah, I love you. I miss you. Please. We sound like the kind of man who had harbored a fugitive like my brother, who also abandoned his family. I'm not harboring anyone. I'm practically homeless myself. Princess, you should know that there are a couple of rumors at the bar about your brother. Oh, really? No, yes. I haven't heard these. Would you care to enlighten me, so perhaps it might help me in my quest? Well, I can tell you one. Just one.

And otherwise, then you should have to order a second drink. I'm learning. I'm learning this. The second drink comes a second rumor. Good work, Arnie. Well, the first rumor is, uh, the first rumor is that he's gay. Why is that always the first rumor? That is always the first rumor here.

I think he enjoys the company of men. Exactly. Well, certainly what men doesn't enjoy the company of other men for hunting and woodworking, a swordsmanship, perhaps you're all gay. I don't like... I don't like... Hunter is a rumor about aren't I?

Well here, here, this... Phoon is generally pretty progressive as far as I can tell. But for some reason, the first rumor about everyone is that they're gay. I might know when he's into an issue, it was a parent that you've told me it is in your world, that some people look down upon this, then why not? Why not go with it? Perhaps O'Talk's gay, perhaps Arnold's gay, perhaps the princess's gay, isn't it? I myself have lain with women. I see, and it is not a problem.

Well, let's talk about that. I choose to lay with women because then there's no chance of me producing an air or usurpers I like to think of it. Oh. So where are you in the order of succession in the Northeast? My brother, as a man, is first in line to inherit my father's throne. Should something unseemly happen to my father, perhaps while he's eating a supper and doesn't notice a strange taste about his meat that could or could not be poison.

Whilst my brother is missing, no one will be ruling. We will be in a state of anarchy until we have a positive word that he is no longer alive. Once his death is confirmed, then I will succeed to the throne. So you could be the queen of the northeast? Yes, if both my father and then my brother died brutally, horribly, in an agonizing way. Trickia, Aralia, I must, I must confide something new. In my magical conjurings, I do look upon the future

of the world of food. And I have sensed in these magical moments when I'd go into the Wizard's State that your brother is alive and well, and perhaps the journey that he is on, and the journey that you are on, shall lead the freedom of all of food against the dark lord, not that I care.

Wizard, your words sound like cheap potty tricks to me. Oh, wow, how dare you! I mean, Princess, I know you do not speak to a wizard in such a way! Oh, don't I? We once had a seer at our court. I didn't like what he said, so I nailed his hands to his crystal ball so that he may only gaze upon it as its only comfort. Oh, really, I trick her, you know, I didn't see me.

Do not conjure at me. Hey, now, here's the rooster feeder here. Oh rooster feeds! I shall put off this wizard's state for the moment. I hate the wizard's state so much. I really hate it. I guess you would hate it for it. No, I triggered it.

Okay, while he's wizard stating away, he does this on open mic night as well. Oh, that's another reason I am never going provisional session. Yeah, I think. And Fanny Elykus turned his some of his wizard speak, said it to music. Really? That's actually, that's kind of nice. I am that is why we must fight the Dark Lord. I am back. Yes, this wizard state has renewed my interest in defeating the Dark Lord. Yeah, I admit now that I was attempting some of a vursed mind games that would trick thee into wanting to go with me, but I see it has not worked Princess I swear this unto you. I shall find Tom Blaine. I shall add him to my men Nagerie my fellowship and we shall set forth upon this phone and we shall free it Nah, Roussasviet

Let's get to know the real princess Tricia, Aralia Beloroth. Let's just get inside your head I'm excited to be interviewing what sounds like one of the more famous people in food. That is accurate. Absolutely. Walk us through your day. Well, when I'm home with the castle, I'm awakened by my ladies. I am dressed and accessorized and beautified.

I retire downstairs to have breakfast with my parents, which is a horrible, boring, angering task because they are fools who know not how to lead a land. After that, perhaps I go to the chapel where I'm forced to kneel in prayer to a God who has never blessed me with anything. After that, I return. You are royalty. I mean, you seem fairly blessed in that way. What is a royal who cannot rule this Arnold? It's Arnie.

Arnold? Okay, I wish my daughter was here to hear this. She was such a fan. Octavia! His daughter ran away with the falsetto marauders. They are a crew merciless bunch. I know, but I... God, I love them.

I'm a big fan of their work. So Bruns is trachea, let's say you do become the queen of the Northeast. Oh, let's say it and let's do it. What could we... what could the people of the Northeast and the rest of the food expect to see under your rule? What they can expect to see is a drastic change in their day-to-day lives. Right now, everyone is forced to live in this grey area where they know not if their actions are acceptable or will warrant some type of reprimand.

What you will know and I'm your ruler is that your actions will be very clearly labeled right or wrong, and if they are right you will stay in my favour. And if they are wrong, I will cut off a part of your body. So just so we know, what are some actions that are right? Paying your taxes to the crown, that is correct. Speaking of me in a reverent manner, that is correct. Observing the sanctity of your marriage is correct. Oh, looks good. What are things that are wrong? Everything else.

Those are like there are four things that are correct. Yes. It should simplify your lives to only have four things to worry about. As a ruler, I have many things to worry about and I can tell you it's a challenge. It's difficult to keep your thoughts straight when there's more than four. That is a scientific fact. Is it all right if I just just to be clear, if we take turns submitting things and you let us know if they are right or wrong? I suppose.

Fishing. Wrong and I would cut your hands off so that you may not reel your rod. Selling your goat. To what end? To pay for food. Right. Oh, wow, okay, so there's more. There are more right things. Unless that goat is your wife, and then it's wrong because that would violate the sanctity of your marriage. That's true. That is fair. That is very fair.

Not a matrimonial goat, just a photonic goat. That reminds me of another rumor that I heard at the barrow talk that perhaps Arnold is married to a goat. I am not that. Why would that rumor even come from? I believe Chant started it. I am married to a very beautiful and intelligent woman that is human. Well, Chant was a guest bartender this last week and he started a lot of me.

Chant is spreading a lot of rumors. So I have a question princess, Trakia, really, at Belorafi. And this is purely just because of my love of the King of the Northeast, Al-Bain. Al-Bain, but... You're another man whose name you don't know. I just know, I'm just generally,

I think I've heard that the King of the Northeast is great. You know not what happens inside the walls of the castle. That man is a monster. Like, do you know what he does every night? No. He comes in my room as I read him myself for bed and he tells me I'm special and he tells me he loves me and to sleep well. And then he just walks out. Who does that? Who does that to a child? Seems reasonable. This really seems like a father thing, a good father thing to do. As I speak to you more and more, I cannot decide if there is something that is naturally

wrong with you or if there is something more insidious with you, some sort of pure evil. And I look upon you and I hold my staff and I say unto the Colin Charlie Bing. I said no staff in here. I'm not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me.

You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. You're not called against me. I swear he said Gavidecivide and there's some melodic than usual. I have yet to see you do magic that does anything.

Can you put your staff on the door? Yes. I guess at one time I saw you conjure a picture of Queen Tatania with the code. Speak not of my mother's bosom. It was pretty. The cruel reminder that all her attributes, the one that is valued, I could not inherit. Is this the cause of your hatred?

No, it's just something on my con list. Oh, I see. Can I tell a princess, anecdote? Sure, yes. Princess, you may not remember this, but one my daughter, Activia, was young. We made a trip to the Northeast on vacation because she was such a huge fan of yours. I remember standing in line outside

the castle as you came in with your entourage and the horses, the doves, and she reached out to you and you were on your carriage and she screamed your name and said, I love you, I love you. And then you took a little rock and threw it at her. It sounds like it was above the eye. It opened a little gash. She still has that rock. She took it with her. It was an important day for her. That is a beautiful story. I know it's important to young children when they meet their idols. You know, I don't like to coddle, so I always keep a bag of well-worn pebbles with me and my carriage to deter children and strangers from getting too close.

I'm glad I created a beautiful memory. We were dragged away. Yes, as you should be. You're lucky to survive, it sounds like. Had she just been but a beautiful memory. We were dragged away. Yes. As you should be. You're lucky to survive. It sounds like. Had she just been but a year older, I would have taken her into my service and made her a slave.

Oh, she would have loved it. It's a lovely way to spend your youth. Well, Princess Tracia, Aurelia Belorov, I will, I won't say good luck on your quest for your brother, but, you know, go do it. Could I say to your listeners that if anyone has information on my brother Tom Blaine Bellaroth, get a message to one of my ladies, you'll be rewarded for your kindness? I guess I don't know how people here in Foon are going to be able to listen to this podcast. I think only people on my world can hear it. But if for whatever reason someone else in Foon is hearing this, please send us messages

and we'll try to answer your questions on the podcast. Similarly, if you're on Earth, you can email us. The only email I was able to get because of the firewalls of the Burger King is Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies. I suspect most people don't think that's a real email address because I have gotten very few emails to this address so far and no one has responded to my messages. I've tried emailing my wife several times. I can only imagine those emails have gone into her spam folder, but please do email us. And we have gotten one or two emails. So

real quickly here before we wrap things up, I'm going to read this email from Jeremy Hornick. He has quite a few questions actually. They're mostly directed towards Yusidor. Jeremy writes, do all wizards spend this much time hanging around in taverns or are they usually much busier? I disagree with the basic premise that I am not busy at this tavern. Do people in food have levels like you're a level five wizard or is that just D&D? We don't have levels per se as it seems like you've described some sort of numerical system but yes there are some wizards that are more well-known, more

renowned perhaps soon or even I, spin-tax-a-green, I suppose, is one the people of the door. Yeah, I've heard he's great. He's very powerful. Even, for instance, Drake, yeah, is a fan of me. Yeah, it doesn't seem to be a fan of me. He performed at my birthday last year, and I let him leave intact.

That's how much I enjoyed him. That seems like the highest praise you can give. Can the wizard actually cast any, first of all, he says, can the wizard, which he doesn't use your name, but can the wizard. Oh no, he's speaking of can the wizard. Oh. Can, who is can the wizard?

Can is a good friend of mine. We often work together when we're trying to defeat a, you know, an implored or a dark elf or something of that nature. So can the wizard actually cast any spells or is it just like a term of honor, like uncle or something? Can definitely cast spells, yes? Can enchanted this in?

In what way is the Vermilion Minotaur enchanted? Uh, well, it keeps out, you know, goblins. Oh, that's good. That's good, that's good. So no goblins. Yeah, no goblins. So I probably, if I want to have... I have not. I haven't seen one, right?

As far as I know, I have it. If you ever want to have a goblin on the show, though, I could probably cast some sort of protective spell around it to get it in here, but I don't know why you'd want to have a goblin on you. Okay, final question from Jeremy Hornikis. Seriously, is he really a wizard? He just seems kind of like a weirdo. That's all for today. Hmm. Well, I would have to say that I, I, of course, am a wizard and a can as a wizard. Magic is a tricky mistress though,

and not always available whenever you would want it to be. Sometimes it requires a certain alignment of stars and, and feats to come into play. That adds simple tricks I can, and I can do it anytime I wish. All right, well, thank you so much. Thanks for joining us. And, as always, I'd like to do this send off

at the end of the podcast, Long Live King Albaen Beloroth. Long Live King Albaen Beloroth. Long Live King Albaen Beloroth. I feel the opposite. Oh boy, we come to the end of another period of time spent indulging harmless imaginings. Usador the Wizard was played as always by Matt Young, who refuses to surrender the part into the clumsy hands of a less capable actor. O'Talk Barleyfoot was played by Nick Baer, special guest princess Trakia was played by Megano Niel, who performed semi-regurally in world news tonight with

Arne and Matt, produced by Evan Jacover and Ryan DeGeorgie, edited by Ryan DeGeorgie, music by Andy Poland, hello from the Magic Tavin logo by Allard LeBam. Learn more about the show and ascertain for yourself that there's no possibility it could be actually occurring at hellofromamagictavern.com or follow us on Twitter at Magic Tavern. All of these fantastical imaginings were brought to you by Basecamp with the help of the Chicago Podcast Cooperative.

Learn more about Basecamp at Basecamp.com and the Chicago Podcast Cooperative at ChicagoPod about Basecamp at Basecamp.com and the Chicago Podcast Cooperative at ChicagoPodcastCoop.com.