Hello From The Magic Tavern - 71 - Two Headed Conjoined Fairy Princess (Live from Stage 773 in Chicago)

Episode Date: July 18, 2016

The tavern is extra busy, and we have a tiny flying guest with two heads.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungLyrica: Racheal Mason and Susan MessingMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzEpisode/Poster Art: Kevin BudnikYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real. Case in point, it was recorded right here in your Earth City Chicago on Stage 773. And cards against humanity continue to lend their good name to this cash bovine. Want to send something to our heroes other than a plea to spend more time with their families? Send it to cards against humanity 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois 60642. Care of, Arnie Neacamp, Vermillion Minotaur, Town of Hogsface, land of Foon. This episode also brought to you by the now-here-this podcast festival. Now here this is a podcast festival in Anaheim, California this October.

A weekend packed with live performances and special events for podcast fans. Maybe some of those events will include Sunshine and Exercise. With performances by Mark Marin, Comedy Bang Bang, Super Ego, How Did This Get Made, and More. And by and more we mean this podcast. Yes, we don't mention ourselves in our own plug. Oh, believe me, we'll be journaling about it later. Find out more at nowherethisfest.com and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern!

A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, why are you here? But in case you haven't listened before, this is kind of all you need to know. About a year and five months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago. If you're ever in Chicago, it's the one at the intersection of Irving Park and Clark. It's like a mile or two north of Rigglyfield. And I felt through that dimensional portal into the magical, fantastical land of fune. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through that dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast that I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, where we all are right now,

in the town of Hogg's face, in the land of Foon. And I'm so excited that the tavern seems busier than usual. Tonight, and I'm always, like before I bring my co-host out, I'm always excited just to know who's in the tavern. So I don't have time to talk to everybody individually, but maybe sort of by applause, I'm wondering like how many people in the audience are elves?

A couple elves in the audience? How many dwarves are in the audience? Yeah. A lot of dwarves. I think there's some contention between the elves and the dwarves, so let's be cool people. How many goblins are in the audience? And if you are something else, just shout it out now. Oh, legend.

Someone who's just a gen in the audience. There is also a fingering in the front row, so be careful. But anyway, as always, I am joined by my co-hosts, my boon companions, my good buddies, starting with Chunt, the King of the Badgers! Oh! Good to see you. Chunt never went to milk it.

Oh, I'm milking it. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. We, you know, just cause some trouble, boys, being boys. And just to refresh my memory, what other animal kings are in the King of the Otterman Empire? The King of the Otterman Empire. And the King of the Horses. What do you guys do? I mean, we are like taking more glorb.

And we're like, if like an old woman puts a pie on the windowsill, like, you know, we're taking that pie. Trouble. And she'll shake her face and we'll be like, sorry, but bye. But we'll leave someill, like, you know, we're taking that pie. Mm-hmm. Trouble. And she'll shake her fist and we'll be like, sorry, but bye. But we'll leave some money just because, you know. Oh, wow. You're like, well, also.

It's sometimes, yeah. We are kings. Yeah, yeah. Here's some money. We're generous. Yeah. We're generous. That's great.

I noticed you guys were painting your faces. Like you didn't have to. Because it's already black and white. Yeah, it's already black and white. But they painted black and white to show camaraderie. Yeah. And they call themselves, uh, bagelos. Bagelos, huh?

And we gather. And you gather. We will hunt. And we'll gather. Yeah. And we'll gather and we'll hunt. The hunting and gathering of the bagelos. Uh-huh.

Absolutely. Why, though, bagelos? Uh, because I guess I'm like the cool one of the group. That. So instead of being the horse-alose or the otterose, which sounds like a cereal, sure. Or the Badger O's, you know? Yeah. And the alose part is completely self-explanatory.

Yeah, does that not make sense to you? No, I, no it doesn't. Well, Badgers are low to theatory. Yeah, does that not make sense to you? No, I... No, it doesn't. Well, badgers are low to the ground. Oh, yeah. Even though I do walk on two feet. Uh-huh. It just makes sense to call ourselves badgelos. Badgelos.

If you guys decide to mix it up, and it's like, look, I'm a king of the badgers. We've been the badgelos for a long time. Yeah. Let's let the king of the horses be it. Would you be the horse of highs? Uh, I think so. I think so, yeah.

Get off your high horse. Oh. Van Dijayim Koss and Yusunor. Yeah! Oh! Wizard of the 12th Grand Lamafeesius, Master of Life and Shadow, Medicinator of magical the lights, devourer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Tarakas. The elves know me as Fying Yelik.

The dwarves know me as Zooner and Hook Stank Jesus. And I... I'm known in the Northeast as Gassamuanias Mastah. Gassamuanias. And then maybe other secret names you do not know yet. Names of such great power that will you to speak them your face would be on fire all the time. How about everybody yell at your favorite secret name of Usador? One, two, three!

I heard some biscuit miniscus, I heard some badgled beanies. Usador is so great to see you, but I did not introduce you. I'll go back. Now he's gonna say his name again. So, Sean, let's continue to explore this. Yeah, yeah. Now he's gonna say his name again. What is... Go. So, Shawn, let's continue to explore this. Yeah, yeah. I feel like we were really fine. This whole...

This whole horse-alow thing. It's really a rich vein of... Yeah, territory. Yeah. Actually, I want to talk to you. I know you've been here for a year and some change, as you say. And just so you know, I have met

someone who is willing to go to make up point with you if you want to do that. It's a famous finance and he... LAUGHTER He's a very tender guy, he's very loving, he's very affectionate, very touchy. And I feel like if nothing else, just to have someone to sleep next to, almost like as a comfort pillow, because he's a big thing, like he's a big... Yeah, yeah. I've always had trouble with finance. Yeah, okay. I'm just that in the thousand. Hey, let's talk to our other co-host, Yusidor.

I am Yusidor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wizard of the 12th grade of a feces, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipule, like, Tour of Magicalulator of magical lights, the power of chaos, champion of the great halls of Tarakas,

the elves know me as feasts. Yeah, I'm jealous. The dwarves know me as Zonen Hukstenges, and I am known in the northeast as Gathmaenas. Gathmaius may stop. And there may be other secret names. You do not know yet. Is it true and I've heard that some of those secret names would burn your face off?

As you can see, this very week one of those names burned my beard right off. I thought maybe you shaved with your sword and I was gonna ask you to demonstrate. Nay nay I spoke one of the more obscure names though I be ancient beyond all knowing approximately 300 years. Also PS your wand is looking cool as hell Yes, I have my staff and my wand tonight. I don't use my wand as often. It's fun Whoa that goblin turned into an elf. Sorry So you said or you look so much different without your beard do I you do you look first of all we notice that there were things under it Like I've never noticed that jewelry that you wear

You look, first of all, we noticed that there were things under it. Like, I've never noticed that jewelry that you wear. Oh, the amulet of Arthesis. I've worn it all the days of my life. It was the first thing I found in food, after I found a stick to walk with. Arthesis, did you have to defend Arthesis? Yes? Exactly. I went to the bottom of a dungeon, and there, there was a panel of elderly people.

And there, I defended our thesis. And, Lou, I would have stood there for what seemed like an eternity, and finally I did matriculate. But no more of this nonsense. I am here tonight to warn all of thee. Beware, the dark lord looms around area corner. Even now with so many people packed into the Vermilion Minitor, one of you could be a minion of this dark lord, and if you are, tap fear in your heart. No, that I shall smite thee before doing all after this podcast. Guys, let's be cool. Is anybody here harboring the Dark Lord?

Like raise your hands. Huh? One anybody here harboring the Dark Lord? Like raise your hands. Huh? One Dark Lord harboring on the back. Can someone have words? Yeah, let's smite her. We're gonna have some words. Would you say, you said, or statistically, that's about right on for every, like 150 people in Foon 1, is secretly harboring the Dark Lord? I'd say that sounds about right, yes. That's the other part. And that was the best math you've ever done.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's easy when it's one. I'm going to have to introduce our first guest, our only guest.

But before I do, I just want wanna say, I still cannot get over how you look without the beard. You sort of look like a little baby. Yeah. Or you sort of look like a slightly husky child who goes to Marty Grouff. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no festivals. Oh, it's a series of festivals, I understand. Yeah, yeah, that's... Because here in Fune, we have our brewmasters, Marty Graal.

And who? Martin, his name's Martin, but he goes by Marty. By Marty, Marty Graal. And he's a brewmaster? Yeah, he brews bourbon. Uh-huh. Grrr. That's...

That's not a explore that I further. But I'm very excited. I think we might have possibly our smallest guest that we've ever had. I met this sort of three inch fairy. I can't tell if it's one person or two, it has two heads. I take back what I said about your math.

I'm very excited to introduce our guest, Lyrica the Fairy. Left, left, left. Welcome, my dear. How odd are the sea be? Wonderful. Thank you for having us. I smell toast. Do not mind, Lyrica, for we are twins, but we were damaged in an incident. King Hashforot, not the poor one, made a putt when we were damaged in an incident, King Hashfaro's not the poor one made a put when we were sitting on his chair and then he sat down and I was blasted.

We were there to be which a wicked queen and I sat too long on the throne and Paul Lerka was puted upon. So, I'm sorry, are you one are you are you a two-headed creature? I'm pretty We are conjoined oh so you were born together two of one now we fly in circles Since the incident it has been an adventure. We have four breasts. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, because you're one. Sorry, my friend Arnie's a little shy because he's just getting back into the game. He's single. I'm married man. Work with me. I got a scepter for participation.

Getting to know you. Getting to know I about you. Getting to like you. Getting to help you like me. I'm trying not to sing this, she's making us. Oh wow. Well that was a lovely song. I'm very, very impressed. Now that you've had this accident though, what is your day to day life like? It's our no-glime, our us.

It's our no- not life for us. Hello. So I'm very curious about the singing. So if she sings, you have to sing. Like you share lungs, you share. We share. You share. Was it difficult being conjoined even before half of you got...

Twas, most of the fairies looked upon us most scornfully. Uh-huh. I'm pretty. Yeah, oh, yeah. Ah! Father and mother-os told us we were twice the magic. Sure. I think you're amazingly magical. Are you just saying that to make me feel better?

Absolutely not. We have heard tale of your magic. You've been legendary since you defended your aphesus. Ah, yes. We have heard tale of your magic. You've been legendary since you defended your aphesis. Ah, yes. Yay, many thought that I would spend many a year just talking about aphesis. And that I would never defend it. And I did, I did dick around a lot.

I'm going to be honest. His or Wizards want, his or Wizards want. So tell me about your family a little bit. Well, mother was a fairy queen, and our father is a fairy king. So we are a prince now. You are? That's right. I'm a prince. Yes, Lyrica. So gorgeous.

I'm a good person. You are, Lyrica. I'm not a bad person. Lyrica. It's positive white magic and black magic. Up and E. We're all over. We're all over.

We're all over. We're all over. We're all over. We're all over. Yeah, do you have only songs on this one? We have all of these songs on this one. I'm trying to get it. We have all of these songs on Earth.

You do. Oh, holy. As long as they're not longer than what? 15 seconds long. We should be cool. Who... Her tiaras picked up a frequency ever since our accident. Wow, so maybe you're somehow picking up transmissions from my world?

As a possibility. As a possibility. So what...what's going to happen next? Whoo! Yeah! Yeah! What is gonna happen next? I must apologize for Arnold. He's taken on this job of hosting the show. Yet often, he forgets that he's doing it.

He forgets how to do it. Where did you get that liquid? Where did you get that liquid? Now, Lyrica, when you say you use light and dark magic and you fly in a perfect circle, doesn't that mean that as an unbroken circle, the most perfect magical shape and a master of both light and dark magic

that you can finally bring peace in boon by joining my quest. That is a very large responsibility for such a tiny girl. Do you get a tax incentive for doing that? Actually, the Dark Lord's tax plan is very robust. It is what we are afraid of. The Dark Lord and his insidious mass. Wait, the Dark Lord is good at math. He's the best at math.

Oh, we're fucked. I should have paid attention in school. When I was in school, a lot of the weird kids who dabble in dark magic like the freaks always love the perfect circle. And I know I should have paid attention But it just seems so dumb. I'm like I guess it's good But inside that circle is every shape possible. Yeah, and therefore everything possible. I should have paid attention I'm

For a Pugging to make Taring Impossible, I don't know thatressive! I don't know that one! I don't know that one either. I don't know what world that one's from. Can I ask something in terms of, you know, if you go on a date or something,

do you each bring along your own suitor, or does one of you date and the other one kind of, is there for like, you know, are you old enough to date? I think so. Oh, that's the first question. Before we were of Betrothal age. We are as pure as the driven pixies now. I'm wearing her down.

I see a game, but now she has no game. No, you have no game. I love you. You're me. You are the Yin to my Feng, the pros to my hosewack, the dark to my light magic. I was going to make out with my cell. I was going to make out with my cell.

I was going to make out with my cell. Bill Mbiddy. I mean, what you do in the privacy of your own home is your business, but there are hundreds of people watching. It's... Yeah, I feel like everyone's tables has changed. It is a gray area. I'm really trying to figure out. It should be alright to make out with yourself if you're technically yourself.

I'm fairly certain that you've been making out with yourself since you came to food. Self-love is one of the most purest kinds. Uh...uh... what's next? LAUGHTER For you two, what's next? The most genius is having a party this evening. Oh, I know the worst king. You do.

Yeah, but I didn't get invited to that party. Oh, I'm so sorry. Would you like to go as our plus one? I don't think so. If I wasn't invited, I don't want to go. Wouldn't you get a plus too? No, doing math. So we used it all.

So chug. I did not mean to bring up a sore subject. Is there trouble in the insane crown passing? Yeah, and I'm just hearing about it. The socks. I feel like this would be a perfect time for me to do some kind of reference, but I do not. Nothing. Well, you said that you are a betrothal age.

Are you planning to find a shooter this at this evening's ball? Ooh. You aren't princesses by the way, there must be people who really want to be your suitors. We wouldn't want to be part of a club that would have a says-member. Oh, that's so sad. Lyrica, I think you're lovely. I think you should love yourself both in spirits and in body if thou dost choose. Thank you Wizard for words most kind.

You're beautiful man. You're more than a wizard you're a man. Well, well, until last time someone went under your arm like a golden retriever. It's been quite a while since I've ever been rude. And honestly, I don't want to, I think, the word awning taught me is catfish. Oh, no. I'm normally much, much older than this. Yeah. You're freshly shorn faced as glistening our heart as beating fast.

Oh, remember. It's like you wear tough skins. Oh, buy it some rooster feats. Ah yes, there's some rooster feet, dad and some ails. I don't know what at the table. I also have some red potion. Red potion for Arnold. I've been doing, I've been dungeoneering a lot lately going out through the lunar sword. And I've discovered that like some red potion will really like completely revive my vitality. Interesting. Most wise.

What's next? Does that make sense? Oh, yeah. I mean, look, it's a classic interview and question. It's right up there with... So Arty, we've heard your dungeonering. Yes. Of course you've been here for a year and some change.

What's next for Arty? We are enchanted to know. Oh really? Would you like to come all of you with us to the Horse King's Party? That would be delightful. We would love to attend the Horse King's Party. What are Horse Parties like? Like how the horse is party.

It's a lot of prancing. Oh, yes. It's a fetish. Yes. Sumpter sage. A lot of peanut butter. They love peanut butter. A lot of peanut butter. A lot of sugar cubes. Yeah, apples, carrots.

You know, horse food. I'm gonna pass. I think you're going. I'm gonna pass on the horse king's part. All right, perhaps next time. Lyrica, once you're married, and you find the perfect shooter for yourself, whether that be myself or someone else.

What does it mean for the kingdom of the fairies? Well, our parents are the rehab. Their fifties are missing turmoil. And since they are soon to leave the throne, we would be the queen, and whoever we did wed would be King. King of the fairies. Yes. What matter of turmoil? Is there unrest in your fairing nation?

There in rehab, but she said it. I wasn't joking. Oh, oh, so... I think our accident weighed heavily upon them. Oh, so there's no sort of uprising, just the fact that there's a lack of leadership. Yes. Oh, I see, I see. It's like building a cottage, but then you go,

oh, maybe I'll have a coipond. And then you're like, oh, what about a retaining wall? And nothing's finished. Oh. Oh. Just seeing that. That is a metaphor, most apt. Just, you know, a cooi pond is like this pond,

but like, when you go to, like, look at it, it's like, maybe I'm a pond. You're like, you're like, are you a pond? Are you a pond or are you a brook? It's like, I don't know, maybe I'm a pond. It's like, just say. So shy, yet enchanting. Yes, sometimes you go and sit by it

and you throw a coin in, then you go to the bar to get a drink, drinking it's gone. Lyrica is separation possible? We do not think about it. Talking to both sides of you, it seems to us. Both sides now and up and down and still somehow. It's loud to you. And I don't know that one either. I really don't know what's next at all.

Left, Lyrica, I feel like you're really down on yourself, but it's mostly just in relation to the right side of you. I wish we had both been crushed that day. That's the left side of her honor. I know you're not good at math, but... Whenever the wizard speaks on heartbeats very quickly, Lyrica. They're floating with me.

I've been keeping a mental tab. Top favorite artin quotes. Supas1. What's next is now, too. Top favorite art equals, Supas one. You know. What's next is now, too. You're a good friend. You're a good friend. When you're down and troubled

And you need the love and care And nothing, Oh, nothing is going right. What do you think would make things go right? Do you ever have dreams beyond becoming the queen of the fairy people? Do you wish to strike out on your own and become your own person? It would be nice to be married. Certainly indeed.

I use it or just Mary Lyrica. I have someone in my life. I am seeing, of course, the beautiful red wizard, Jen Levia. Isn't she currently a Rack of Ribs? She sounds most delicious. I need her. She tricked me, yay. As wizards do, is their courty one another and pressing each other with their wizard prowess?

But I know not where she is at the moment. I would love to spend some time with you, Lerica. That would have me, yeah. Yeah. Arnie, what's it like being married? Was it like being married? Yeah, pros, cons. And don't worry, your wife can't hear you.

That's true. I'm sure. My wife does not listen to you. That's true. That's true. My wife does not listen to podcast. She only listens to Smash Mouth. Smash Mouth. Smash Mouth. I can't tell if she was repeating you or describing her physical attributes.

Oh. Oh. Yes. Yes. That's been the worst thing said and attributes. Aww. Aww. Yes, yes, that's been the worst thing said and done. Yes. Badger, that is why the horse king did not invite you to his party. You have a smashed-ed mouth.

What? Horse king sucks. Look, the being married is, it's like a life-changing thing. It's easy. Oh, do tell. You basically become one with another person. And it's awesome in a lot of ways. And you become very close with that other person.

But then also, sometimes, it's challenging to always be connected to another person. I dropped my staff on purpose. It is very similar to our predicament. And you know when you're always so close to somebody that you love, it's easy to think that you don't deserve to be with them, you know? I truly understand that sentiment. Yeah, and I'm sorry I suggested you guys get separated.

I think I was doing a guy thing as I have learned in couples therapy. Just trying to fix your problems. Why do cups need to go to therapy? Well, you know. That's a great question. Sometimes cups have trouble fitting in. No, that sounds weird.

I've been to a horse king potty before. Sure. I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, maybe this is going to be profound and then you're like, no, this is just going to be dirty at home. But I've witnessed it many times. Sure. What I'm saying is, if you find somebody that you're that close with and you feel connected to, then you should stay together. Come together right now. Wow.

Over me. There's no more. So sometimes it's OK for a cup to be solo. And just to know, I have my sperm. I took it off from around my neck. Just in case I keep it in my pocket, my fur pocket. Mm-hmm. LAUGHTER

By the way, that's not to you for missing. Yeah. You know? You did not have a vagina? No. No. Not right now. Just in case, I meet someone and I just want to toss it to him,

and that's like my opening line. opening line you know that's your opening line yeah it's like it's said be like hey what's up or like did you fall from the heavens or you know was your dad a thief or are those mere are those are you are is your like you know when you want to grow the bar you're like is your ass a mere because I can see myself in it instead And instead of saying that, just tossing on your spoon. And not saying a word. You know what?

You want to know, have I ever told you about how I met my wife? You met her at a movie called, It's A Wonderful Life. Well, we got engaged at a movie called, It's A Wonderful Life. But I met her in a bar and I thought she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen,

and I'm actually feeling a little choked up saying this. It's a beautiful thing. And I thought she was beautiful. I thought she was beautiful. I thought she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, and I felt like ugly in comparison, and I felt like she would never want to be with a person. Mm-hmm.

Oh, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. I'm listening. I'm listening. So, and I went up to her and I said, what's next? Oh, buddy. I love you, too. Look at him hugging that awful dadger. You're his awful.

I just hugged you in the phone. I know. Oh. I was, Lerica, Ani, could you pardon us for a moment? Shant, I need to talk to you about your library of pickup lines. I gotta be honest, I've never used any of them before. Okay, good, that's good. In my head, I was like,

tell me, think of a pickup line and I've never used a pickup line. So I said that thing about your ass in a mirror. I feel terrible. Okay, good, good. Also, maybe the sperm thing, little creepy. It is a little weird to be like, hey, who are you?

Look at this. Here's my sperm. I have one. You have friends that most wise, Badger. It's simultaneously two-fold and makes you look like you can't perform. Yeah, it does seem like here you do it. Yes, yes, yes. All the workers on you. Yeah.

Yeah. Like I got this sperm, when you figure the workers on you! Yeah. Yeah. Like, I got this firm, where you figure out what to do with it. I've already done my bit. Yeah. Yeah. I'm food, we call that DIY.

Hey! So, Lyrica, thank you so much for being here. It was truly a pleasure. Thank you for making it feel better. Yeah, I hope so, or at the very least. I mean, I was just glad that we were here to meet you and learn more about you. And see sperm.

And see sperm. Well, let's not say sperm. Wait, how? Entertaining and education. Your face is most smooth. Hi, and so is yours. Lyrica, it has been my great pleasure to have you here with me this evening. Your face is most smooth. I, and so is yours. Lyric, I had to spend my great pleasure to have you here with me this evening.

You can tell me I'm a sister there, little man. Sorry, sorry. No, I really am sorry. I hope that we can continue our conversations tonight at the horse party. Yay. Horsie, horsie, I'm my way. We've been together for many a days. Like your tail goes, which ends the way of go round.

Get your, get your ball, word bound. Beautiful. Wow, Yusinahar is making eyes at all four eyes. He's really... I don't want anyone to feel left out. Yeah. Because I was sad, but now I'm glad. That's great.

And that's not bad. That's not bad that rhymes. So when I had to sperm around my neck that was fine Not really okay You're my friends say something all right, you're right I should have said so if I'm wearing sperm around my neck and it's weird say something Dolly noted thank you I'm around my neck and it's weird. Say something. Julie noted. Thank you. Tismos Ferro request. And you know what, if I ever have some fashion choice that you think is a bad idea. Oh, let's go.

Oh, look at this. No, you're serious. You wear a pink shirt. I don't know. It was not pink. It was not pink when I came through the portal. Also, what's this? We've never seen this.

This is a Fitbit. Ooh, you are going to the horse party. Have you ever wondered if you'd see a podcast host forget how to conduct an interview? It's like seeing ten identical snowflakes, isn't it? But none of this really happened. It's just Earth performers being silly, while a live audience quietly decides whether this was worth the ticket price. Chant the Badger King was played by Adel Rathai, who once again shows wordplay over human connection.

Use it or the wizard was played extra-shoutily by Matt Young. Special guest Lerica, the fairy princess, was played by both Rachel Mason and Susan Messing. Yes, there were two of them stuffed into one giant shirt. You had to be there, and now you never can be. Rachel and Susan perform in the improv show The Boys. Susan performs regularly and messing with a friend at the annoyance theater, and Rachel is head of advanced improvisation at Second City. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacober, and Ryan D. Georgie, this one edited by Chris Rathchin. Music by Andy Poland, logo by Aller LeBon,

additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Interesting. Visit us at allotfromthematictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op and Earwolf. And special thanks to Stage 7.73 and to Star Kid for giving Magic Tavern the theater while they were at a wedding. Also huge thanks to Adam Bernetti for running all our live tech. Thanks to Kevin Budnik for the awesome poster and a Gemis St. Ember, Allison Lynch and Derek Cox for crowd control and

general awesomeness. Less interesting. If you want to see hello from the Magic Tavern live for some reason you have a couple chances. First in Chicago on August 16th is part of the Sounds like Chicago Podcast Festival that's at the Steppenwolf Theater. You can find a link in the live show section of hello from Magic Tavern.com. Craig that's enough. And as you might have heard of the top of the show, hello from the Magic Tavern is going to be part of the big, now here this podcast festival in Anaheim, California. Enough Craig.

It's in October and WTF will be there, company Bang Bang, lore, Super Ego. Like a lot more like we are getting kind of big time. I mean, come on, it's pretty cool. Craig, what a little limelight hog you've become. Did you go back to carbs? Oh, sorry. We just washed these guys every week.

I get kind of invested in their marketing, you know?