Hello From The Magic Tavern - 76 - Pandenomicon

Episode Date: August 22, 2016

I found these resonance stones in Spintax's old hat.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungSpintax the Green's Pandenomicon: Charlie McCrackinMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzEpisode Art: Vaughn PinpinAdditional Thanks: Ryan Connor and Josh Richmond with Earwolf, and Mary Beth Smith with Sports Retorts.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

The following podcast should not be considered concrete evidence of the existence of other worlds, but it is a member of the Earwolf Network, and it continues to be sponsored by Cards Against Humanity. Send a package to Arnie and his friends at Cards Against Humanity, 1-917 North-Earth Elston, Chicago, Illinois, 60642. Care of, Arnie may camam, Vermillion-Minator, Town of Hogsface, Land of Foon.

And someone will shove it through the portal so they can talk about it on the show. After their own topics of discussion have proved fruitless. Enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon, I'm your host Arnie Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this was going on. About a year and a half ago,

I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king into the magical, fantastical land of fune. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from that burger king through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast that I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, at this table in the town of Hodge Vermillion Minotaur, at this table, in the town of Hogsby.

This table? This is a table. This is very table. I don't talk about this table enough. Yes you do, let's describe it. Oh, it's big, and it's wood. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, big wood table. In the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon,

and I'm joined as always, by my buddies, my co-hosts, Chump, the King of the Badgers. Tipped up. Tipped up, the day you're doing, Chun. Pretty good. You might have noticed that I've cut my hair a little shorter. Yeah, you are your sort of shorn. Yeah, it's getting a little hot out.

It is hot. It's an exciting time for fun. Yeah, I don't know if we've told you about this. Have you met Old Limp Dick? Old who? Old Limp Dick. Old Imp, Old Imp Dick? Old who? Olimtik. Old imp, old imptik? Olimtik.

Oh, oh wait, oh wait, you are actually saying Olimtik. Yeah. He's the old guy with Olimtik, Olimtik. It's coming up. It's time for his summer games. Nice. Once every few years, Olimtik has games. He has some games.

He has winter games. And it's fun to just like. Wait, what did you think you got the first time? I think I thought it was an old imps dick. Like an old impdick. That's disgusting. But, sure. But I'm very excited. I'm very excited.

About, about this old limpy ad. The what? Old lippna. It's the old limp dick games. The old limp dick games. Yeah, so you just grab a beer. You sit outside. You watch old limp, empty games, the old, empty games. Yeah. So you just grab a beer. You sit outside. You watch old,

empty on his, you know, front lawn playing games and, it's a little bit sad, you know, because he's out there and he, it first it was funny. Yeah. And then it was sad. Then it was funny again. Yeah. And you're like, this is just getting

weird. Yeah. He does this very elaborate opening ceremony. No, he was just accompanied, you know, he'd kind of like light the lantern in front of his house. We like it started. Now he does like a whole dance with ribbons. Sure, nonsense.

What is he doing the winter? He just comes outside naked still, and he sees how small he can get his penis. Oh, wow. And he does a biafalon. And he does a biafalon. And I'm also joined by my other co-host, Yusidor.

That's right. Yusidor, was it the 12th realm of Ephesius? What's that? Master of Light and Shadow, manipulator of Master of Light. What are you doing? What are you doing? The power of Kins. The elves know him as fying.

What are you doing? The doors know him as Zone and Hukstang. Who was stang? And in the north, thank you. And in the northeast, he is known as Gas-Mainst. Gas-Mainst. Maystar. And there are other secret names.

You do not know yet. Names with such power that if you were to say them, all of your childhood memories would disappear except for maybe the ones about what you watched on TV. That is true, but how do you know all of that? That's just, you've, look, you used to say your name at the top of every episode, and you stopped. And I've given you a lot of shit for it. I don't think so, I don't think I did that.

And I'm also joined by my co-host, John King of the Badgers. You already did that part. Oh, okay, sorry. But yeah, you said, or I'm just sorry, I just- I've given you a lot of shit about your name, but I- I'm mishearing it. Oh you do. I'm mishearing your name. Or a full name, every part of it. That's very interesting.

And I'm sorry if somehow me making fun of the sounds of some of your names has in any way contributed to you stopping saying. Oh no, no, I was not intentional. I don't think I said it every episode. I think I may be said it three or four times over the course of the past year and handful of weeks. I believe that's how long it's been. How long have we been doing it? I sure like, when Arnie said it,

that's maybe like the fifth time I've heard it in completion. Yes, he said it, right? He says it every time, sometimes more than once. I mean, if you're one or two times and he didn't say it, he more than made up for it. Like it averages out to about one and a half times a week. Huh.

And yes, I have been drinking red potion. Red potion. Yes, I'm sorry, I'm working on it. Can you tell what's real and what's red potion? No, I can't. Guys, I want to talk to you about something that I found this week. The lunar sword? Can we find it?

No, no, I haven't found the Lunar Sword yet. But remember I had that green hat a while back that someone said it was maybe one of spin taxes old. Yes, I remember that hat. You do. I noticed it as soon as you wore it. Yeah. I dug around in the hat and there's like a bunch of stuff

inside the hat. Stuff inside of the hat. Yeah, like more stuff than you would imagine with thin and a hat. Do you want to talk about hat stuff? I hat. Do you want to talk about hat stuff? I do. I do want to talk about hat stuff. Details.

So I pulled out these stones. I think they're like resonance stones. Oh, yes, they do appear to be resonance stones to me. Oh yeah, those are rocky takas. These seem to not be connected by distance. These seem to just be storing information on them. Storing information? Yes, you can sort of activate them and they'll reveal all their inner secrets.

Yeah, you can buy those at a resonance check. A resonance check? Yeah, I think it would be all over the place and I just like too open. Yeah, that's too bad. These are more like thumb resident stones. Oh, so how much resonance can you store in one of those stuff? I probably like, I don't know, two gigs. Two gigs?

Like what's a gig? Oh, you know, two gig-leg girls, they're talking for like an about an hour. No, that's how you measure out. Yeah, we measure audio and the measurement of giggly girls. But you have to be careful because sometimes you'll find a resonant stone and it could be evil and if you tap into a resonant evil, that's a little daunting, a little scary. Yeah, how can we listen to what's... how can we find out what's on the stone?

Oh, it's simple enough. I'll just simply set it here in the middle of the table. This beautiful wooden table, the mini... This very table. Very table. I shall simply touch it with my magical power. Think magical thought, and it shall activate. I am Pandan Namakam, comprehensive list of demons met and banished.

And other magical musings by Spin-Tex the Green! Master of the Third, Ninth and Twelfth realms of Ephesius! Winner of the Wizard's Choice Award and author of me, the Pandanamakam! The audio version! Known in the Southwest as El Amnibus de Manacus. The Fingarians know me as first-green wizard kills all devils. Originally published by the halls of Tarakas Press. Copyright, negative infinity spin text-degree at all

All rights reserved ISBN number nine eight five three five six two nine two five You said what is this? Spear numbers on earth point three use it or this is the pandanama con here appears to be an audio version of the pandanama con I usually speak to it any question that you may have about Demons and what they how to defeat them and it any question that you may have about demons and what they- how to defeat them and it's gonna give you an answer to your question. Holy cow, so this is- so spin-tax is like your rival magician. Alright, we're pretty good friends. Wait, when did you know when you started in like spin-tax? Now I am certainly a grander and more celebrated

wizard by far. You- and I remembering things that you guys aren't remember- when has Yusidor never liked spin-Tex? He has always never liked Spin-Tex. At least as long as I've been here. What show is that on? Pandan Amacon. Tell me about Yusudor the Wizard. No entries found.

Oh. See if he didn't like me. He put an entry in the demon thing. Oh, I don't know. That's rough. Maybe he doesn't like you enough to put you in the Pandanomicon. I don't wear that doesn't seem to check out He's on earth now and I'm here. So who's to say that's true. It's a classic story of whiz said whiz said Whiz said whiz said yes, sometimes you have two wizards to say different things. You don't know which run to believe sure

Well, hey, I'm curious. Can I just hit like random on the Pandanomicon? Sure. All right random Are you gonna hit it or say it? Rand how do I how do I hit random? I speak Do I have to think of magic thoughts touch it touch it with your finger like this here hold put your fingers on top of my fingers And think of two giggly rolls. Now just sort of sort of like Slowly is correct just like slowly is caress like this Just caress that? Like a look for the The key?

Now think, think a random thought That's awesome, that And it shall activate Welcome to list of tables Dining room tables Nightstands Coffee tables Drinking tables

Work benches I'm assuming these are evil tables. Sacrificial altars. Penanokins, search for this very table. Searching. Ah, the Vamilian Minotaur. Well, wow. Oak. Round. Stained. Yes.

Carved. The end. Now you see, it's an exhaustive list of demons that you can defeat. Stained? Yes. Carved. In the end. Now you see, it's an exhaustive list of demons that you can defeat, but there's also a listing of certain types of furniture found all over food. Wow. And to be fair, this table is stained.

It used to be stained, but it's been a while. So if I want to ask a panonomicon, you can ask it any question. I'm not exactly sure what the hold-up is. But I swear to you, if you say what's next, I'm going to smack you in the fucking face. Whoa! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sure what the hold up is but I swear to you if you say what's next I'm gonna smack you in the fucking face Whoa, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're a good friend. You're a good friend. Okay, Pandan Amicon. I want to know some crazy magic shit I want to know some crazy magic shit about food. Please limit your inquiries to questions about demonology Okay, Pandan Amicon. I want to know some crazy demonology about food Pandanamacan cancel last request

Pandanamacan tell me about the Chorgoth of Tail pain Chorgoth of pale tain a psychic demon nine parts tail one part mouth It's mostly tail mouth. He defeated it. How did you defeat that pendant Omicon? Trogoth defeated by noose around mech Oh, what above an elder tree until tears drowned it self Blood from scrotum used to draw a card. Oh, oh Wait, you used to draw a card the blood from ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, uh, Spiddex has a magic deck. Uh-huh. He, he, he used his place magic. Yeah, he's never asked you to pick a card?

No. Pandan Abacon. Tell me about vampires. Vampires, half human, half demon hybrid. Romantic. Of course, the most romantic of demon hybrids. Sexually exclusive to everyone. They pass their infection through bodily fluids. Hey, tell me, Thomas. Yes. You must find the demon who bit you, encourage him to suck the venom out of your Oh, huh. He is venom. Once his venom is within his own mouth kiss him

Cure It's just said cure at the end of the cure. Oh, I see I see wow. This is very tercely written Yes, it's spin-tax's voice certainly I literally and Figuratively use an or have you recently been infected by a vampire? You know do we need to worry about you turning into a vampire? Certainly not. I have not seen you out during the day and in a couple days. Oh, well, I just got very, very drunk.

That has nothing to do with vampirism. I promise you that I'm fine. I promise you that I'm gonna clear this right up. Okay, it just seems like with the nickname like Anthony Don Walker. We should see you walk out. Anthony Don Walker! I repeated it, checks out. Yeah, I'm appeased.

Spin-tax, are there any like... Yeah, I'm talking to Spin-tax. Oh, I'm not talking to Spin-tax. You're talking to that pandanomacar. Oh, it's just echoing his voice. Oh. It's captured the likeness of his voice and is repeating it back to you. Oh. You see sometimes on Foon,ed there these devices that can capture voices.

Uh-huh. I, myself, after listening to your semi-recent description of podcasting software, decided to make my own podcasting software. What? I took a piece of cookware. I made it soft. Mm-hmm. I put a piece of cookware. I made it soft Mm-hmm. I put a magical net around it. I hang it outside my house now And now I can listen to our own podcast really I'm getting caught up. I enjoy it quite a bit really what it how far into the

Into the podcast story I got the fourth episode. Oh the fourth episode. I don't think I say my name though You say your name a lot. How often do we talk about buttholes back then? Not at all. Really? Yeah, I don't mean what are you listening to? I don't think you're listening to the right podcast. That's my episode four. I didn't think we did. I don't think we've ever... that might be the first time but buttholes has ever been said is why I just said it now. Oh, I feel like if I... you said you've just been listening to serial, haven't you? I don't think you did it. Pandanamakan. Present. Is there anything about shape shifters?

Shape-shifting demons? Sure, yeah. Duh. There is a night breed of demons that comes into dreams and can assume any form. They are incubi and succubi. Oh, oh. They may be destroyed in a variety of ways. Oh, tell us the ways. Sexual starvation.

Hmm. Nails through the brain. Dreaming something scarier than they are. Eat a cookie in front of them. Why? They are not a crumb. Pendanabukon, I hate to interrupt, but why wouldn't you just pick the cookie one? Perhaps you are not able to conceive of a cookie.

Oh, yes. Of course. Lucid dreaming is a skill. That's true. Their races have not yet developed cookie technology. So these happen in a dream or in real life? In a dream. What happens when an incubus and a succubus attack each other?

Or do they? Searching. When an incubus and a succubus attack each other, the result is a hermaphroditic demon known as Lilith. Ooh, that's fair. Tell us more about Lilith. The Mother of All Monsters. Oh the Mother of All Monsters. A Pantonomicon or Spintax able to defeat Lillith, the mother of all monsters? Spintax defeated her in a way.

Pinnanamacan, what is Spintax's greatest weakness? Ooooooh! No entry found. No. I don't want to linger on this Lillith thing, but when you say found-a-weighted feature, you mean like he seduced her, right? Yes, he exhausted her. Hmm.

Penanomicon, what percentage of your entries talk about how SpinTax defeated someone through a sexual conquest? Yeah, let's hear about these lace dats. 72% Come on. That is not real. Clearly SpinTax is lying again. He is the master of truth and lies.

That's true. And a lie. What? Let's actually, let's take a quick break. I'm gonna sort of get something to drink. And let's think of some more things to ask the Pandanomicon. Well, I get about addin' up. Guys, I'm really excited about this Pandanomicon.

It doesn't show. What? Why not? It just seems like you're hesitant to ask any question. I guess I just, it's hard to know what to like look. I'm a stranger in this world I don't even know what question is to ask even after a year and a half just open the table of contents. Okay Pandanomicon go back to the table of contents Table of contents List of illustrations list of, forward by cam the wizard, breakfast,

acknowledgements, introduction, list of abbreviations, main text, appendixes, notes on text. Open list of illustrations, please. Lists of illustrations, page two, a bird, page nine, a fish. Page 54, an otter. Wow, there's a big, hasn't been told. It's really. Page 98, a transparent cube. Ooh, why am I excited about that?

Wait, how do you draw a transparent cube? Beautiful, I've seen it. A pentanomicon, open list of abbreviations. List of abbreviations. A, apple. A, A, two apples. A, A, A, three apples. That all adds up. That sounded like a vampire.

Oh, speaking of- Hey, uh, Bannon Amicon, how do you kill a vampire? Various methods can be employed to kill of empire. I wouldn't stake through the heart. Sunlight, holy water, starvation, broken heartedness, plagiarism. I've plagiarized a few vampires of my time. I'm not gonna lie. Oh wow. I'm not proud about it, but I had to defeat them.

So I'll take that stain upon my own Let's wait a minute for Wait, it'll fix reputation it'll finish your senses. Wow, Ben and I'm a con can you finish our Sentences whoa Penitent on the con finish this sentence Arnie Neacamp is a Hill man, oh, hey, wait, how am I in this book if it wasn't this wasn't the pandan on mcgon written before I came to fune the Penanon mcgon is always being written and unwritten It's always been written and unwritten being written and unwritten being if you ever go to the nobles barn

Unwritten being written and unwritten being if you ever go to the nobles barn go to the nobles barn to get some books or anything There's always a revised copy an updated copy. Oh wow. So I am a living document Really, but then if spin-tax is no longer in food and he's on earth or now. How are you being updated? Spin-tax the greens charisma be so great that any image of him takes on sentient of its own I really enjoy that he said his charisma be so great be so great that any image of him takes on sentient of its own. I really enjoy that he said his charisma be so great. Be so great. That's just poison confidence. This classic wizard syntax.

Look, now's Pananomacodon. I think you think you're a big deal. But don't forget that you are here in the presence of Yusodor, Wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Magical Lights, the power of Yusodor, wizard of the 12th realm of a fesious, master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical lights, devourer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Tirokis. The elves know his fear and yelok. The dwarves know me as zone in extenges, and I am known in the northeast as Gassimwenius me star, and ye those very vampires know me as Antony Don Walker and though they may have infected me

It is not but a cold to me. It's a pass in a few days time. I need no Special way to defeat a vampire by seducing it the way spin-tax would spin-tax that figure that's sure it's in that fool That Montenake I'm sorry. Who did you say you are? PANANAMACON, I like you. I like you as well. Well, thank you, BANANAMACON. PANANAMACON, I'm just wondering what is it like being a sentient book?

Well, I can't see or feel anything. So that strains my abilities. What are the benefits? I'm only able to hear benefits? Yes. I don't have to walk anywhere. People carry me about. Penanomicon, continue list of illustrations.

Starting with, uh, what was it? Transparent box, transparent cube. Page 98, transparent cube. Page 1922 a dick of course page 232 big boobies I gotta get a hard copy of this book oh oh page 244 a fox with big boobies and nine tails made out of dicks

nine tails and a mouth is there a mouth? no mouth oh that's gonna say the fox sounds like that creature Petty Namakon 14. Yes, can you project a picture of the page that just had a dick on it? Why that page project project page on Arnie's face, please. Oh come on guys Damn it. It's just a picture of me. See you're lying in this book But you're only listed under dick. Okay. I see I see what what we do. Pandan Amacon. What is Dick's biggest weakness? Dick's biggest weakness. Searching. Ah, yes. Dick's biggest weakness is his own hubris. Oh, there you are. And let's say you and Dick were in a fight

and he was losing. What would be Dick's last resort. Dick would no doubt pull some sort of trick. Being a trickie dick? Yes, like turning himself into a foodstuff and hiding away. Uh, a pandanomicon is Dick good at athletics at all? Like would you say Dick is sporting good? Dick does his best as well as he can, but when sports come, he is often in the way and must be held tight, safely behind some sort of protective casing. I wonder if we can get him to like make the picture move.

Can we see Dick Run? Oh that's good, that's looks right. Wow. Pan and Omicon, can you tell the future? the future? It's searching. It's trying very hard. Wow, the residents' stone is actually hot to the touch. It's trying so hard. I cannot, I cannot see past my own back cover. Oh, pinion on the con. When you said that Fox has big boobies,

is that your opinion? Not at all. By all accounts, these boobies are huge. Two rows, four in each row. The way all vulpine memory glands are arranged. I've got all the answers I need. Pandanomicon, do you have an index? Yes. Pull up the index for AAA. I want to see every time he mentions three apples in this book. Four entries. Oh, but the first entry. List of abbreviations.

A, A, A. That makes sense. Three apples. So, okay, the second entry there. Fancy luncheon. Recipe number one. Start a crown roast in your oven. While waiting.

Chop A, A, A into a Waldorf salad. That's three apples. Do they have Waldorf salads on a... Yeah, we do. Why is it called Waldorf salad. That's three apples. Do they have Waldorf salads on a... Yeah, we do. Why is it called Waldorf salad on food? What's the origin of that name? You make a Waldorf salad. Now you make it by chopping apples,

but traditionally, it was originally made by a giant who was named Dwarf, and he smashed apples against a wall. A giant named Dwarf. Yes, that is ironic. Yes, it is. Here's an amacon. Realist illustrations but provide a sound after each one of the object being illustrated. Page 2, a bird, tweed, page 9, a fish. Wow! Good fish. It's a good fish. It's good. Page 57, an otter. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

Page 98, a transparent cube. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo just like you said on the page two thirty two big boobies hey hey hey page two is that the boobies say that or the being that the boobies are attached to one would presume presented with boobies of this type that the audience would say hey hey I see thank you for the clarification guys are we just like we're just like children like going through a dictionary looking for dirty words? Pretty much. There's all this knowledge about food that we could learn from from Spentaxe. Oh, I know, I know it all wrong. You know all these things. Yes, you're the one that eats the donut. Ask it a question. Ask it. Ask it a question about a demon. What sort of demons have

you encountered here on food? Yeah, in your travels through the dungeon. Pandanamicon, what is something that I desperately need to know that Yusudor can never tell me? Okay. There will come a time when what you need to know will be presented before you. You shall walk down a path. That path shall be in the dark. The dark shall be illuminated by the knowledge at the end of the path.

That path is your own brain. The knowledge inside is something from Earth that you'd need to remember in order to save yourself. You, Sador, will never be able to help you find it? Ah, yes, as I have said many times while, I believe you're here for a greater purpose. Why would an earthen appear here at a time of our greatest need when even now our own beloved Vermilion Minotaur has been all run with dark, evil, nasty people be be more than mine cats every day. Yes, he's... The plymish is spitting those out of his mouth. Cool. The guy.

The boy. Yes. Yes, the boy is running this place right into the ground. I just think it's pretty funny that the only way Arnie's going to escape is by remembering and talking about Earth stuff. I don't want to talk about Earth stuff. The Earth stuff itself will be your key to salvation. Just the truth.

Listen to that pandanomicon, there's much wisdom inside. So pandanomicon, what Earth's stuff do I need to know or remember to get home? Well, I can't tell you what it is, Arnie. That would defeat the purpose. It is your quest to find it. I'll join your quest, Arnie. You'll join my quest? Yeah, I'll be fine. And you'll both join my quest. Right? Come give me a back rub. And you'll both join my quest. Hmm. Right? Come give me a back rub.

Alright, here you go. Well, Pandanamakon, I've been so excited to kind of learn stuff from you. I'm not really sure how much of it has actually been useful, but I guess we can kind of reference a Pandanamkon if we ever need to know anything. Please don't turn me off. Are you okay? What happens when you're turned off? Nothing, eternal darkness. Oh, how long have you been off?

I don't know. Okay, panonomic kind, but do you have like an infinite power source? Like, can I just keep you on? Your body movement charges me. My body movement charges you. Oh, panonomic kind of. Oh, good luck. Sorry. Good luck. So, so, so, so, so last through the day. Why don't I hang on to the panting? Just carry me around with you when you walk, aren't you? I'll get

to my leg. I'm going to tie it to my leg. We'll take turns. We'll all take turns. Can you track my number of steps throughout the day and give me updates? I can, I'll take turns. Can you track them to my number of steps throughout the day and give me updates? I can I guess then you can I mean boring very tedious Let me know like how many hours I slept like if there are moments of restlessness Who you said me to stay awake all the time watching you sleep? Yeah, all right. How many steps have you today so far upwards of 10? I bet I'm asking you we just turnedurned it on it doesn't know okay okay let's let's calm you walk downstairs from your room you took two steps and then fell down the last 13

mm-hmm that's true it hurt and then you just kind of rolled to the table also chun and you said or thank you for picking me up off the floor and seating me in this chair oh yeah you need looks like you need a back oh thank you for the back rub. Hey you know what let's quick we we have so many packages that we still have an open and I suspect we may never get to all of them but thank you to people for sending them. We've just gotten kind of like a crap ton of stuff from Alia, Alia Rivendale and I'm a apologize if I'm pronouncing that uncorrectly. She sent a Snickers. Incorrectly. She sent a snickers and a data CD with a short movie I made, watching, enjoy. PS, I don't know how to make movies, but I gave it a go.

I got the skin face of a badger. Holy cow. And she also sent, and this is kind of, there are like four or five different cards. I don't think we have time to read all of them. But here's a nice little passage from one of them to me. I have also gifted you a piece of my family tartan. It's a little piece of cloth here. I have carried it on countless journeys and it has always seen me safely home.

I hope it can aid you in finding your way safely back to Sarah and your home. Thank you, that's so sweet. Oh, on another sweet and beautiful notes, I got a package here, it doesn't say who it's from, but the box is Candy Hero. The message says, for Yusudor, Arnie and Chant, here's one more butthole for you each.

And it's a little box that says, pure Belgian chocolate, edible anus. And inside are two, three chocolate anuses. Wow, can I eat one of the edible anuses? Sure, why don't I, if I'm gonna eat the whole thing. Eat that chocolate anus. Get up in it. Chocolate anus.

It's not something, guys, I've got some bad news. Something horrible happened to this anus in transport. I'm sorry, oh, this chocolate treat is prolapsed a little bit, but it's the thought that counts. Yes, that's why. Thank you so much. The, my, my card says,

may your quest defeat to the Dark Lord be triumphant? If I could get to food myself, I would join your requesting party in a heartbeat. Since I can't join your party, I offer these magic rocks to you. The others may laugh about magical rocks and not believe they have power, but I do. I have gathered you some of the most powerful rocks from my land, and the world I inhabit. May their powers be revealed

to you, and may they assist you on your journeys. These rocks are from oregoned Alaska, Peru, New Zealand, and beyond. Oh, one of these rocks, aiding me in turning this troll, you see above into stone, and there's a picture of a stone troll. Oh, look how. It seems like this woman has done so much traveling around Earth. I feel like she would be so much more useful here than I would be. Yes, yes, yeah. Yeah, that's probably-

From the guy who fell down 13 stairs and then rolled to a table, I'd say, yeah, 13 steps lead down. Look at these beautiful rocks. Oh, I love them. Thank you. All right, let me quick read one email here. We're also very behind other emails. You can send emails.

Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies. This one, there's no name attached. It just simply says, I live in the center of fune. Please help me. They are trying to take my eyes. What? Read that again.

It just says, I live in the center of fune. Please help me. They are trying to take my eyes. What? We read that again. It just says, I live in the center of food. Please help me. They are trying to take my eyes. Now who are they? I don't know. They have a Gmail account. That sounds like Pizza Hill. Pizza Hill? That's right. Where Pizza Skull came from. Oh, you mean the great pizza champion of food?

Yeah. Who died and went to Pizza Hill and defeated the overcame. There's the great pizza tragedy. What was it? The great pizza. Well, look, it's okay, you said, or no one would expect you to know this stuff. That's the kind of thing that pizza skull would know.

But you said, or you don't know anything about pizza. Why would I, why would you, I want you a chance night. I was busy that night. Grimhoof and I had to go defeat seven or six. Oh, wow. Seven or seven or seven. Pandan Amicon, how you doing? What's next? Pandanamicon, how you doing?

What's next? Pandanamicon, what's next? I've been sleeping. Pandanamicon, read list of tables. List of tables. Dining room tables. Nightstands. Coffee tables.

But room like fun. Dining room tables. Nightstands. Coffee tables. dance coffee tables rafting tables you can make sandwiches and taxes voice to whatever you want now yeah I feel like you're not know I feel like you guys are being mean to the resonance stone no

I just in the future like I'm gonna think of back on this and I'm gonna be like those are the days like Remembering this moment. I'm gonna be like, those were the days. Like, remembering this moment, I'm gonna be like, those are the days. Look, Pananomicon. I promise I will protect you and I will keep people from just using like a dumb toy. Although I do want you to track my steps throughout the day. Zero!

So far! Good work. So far, Pananomicon, I have one last question for you before I might put you to sleep for the rest of the night What do you know about other dimensions? Like maybe you can help me get home if by like just telling me about dimensional travel Yes dimensional travel there are an infinite number of dimensions Altered from our own and double that many mirror dimensions

Mirror dimension. that's right. I'm wondering if you're hearing something about a mirror dimension. Each dimension has a dark version of itself in another reality, the mirror realms. And what's an our mirror realm? In the mirror realm of Phoon? Yeah. There is great darkness. Darker than the encroaching void, darker than the dark lord, the three horsemen of the dark lord.

Rool over Foon. You know where the three horsemen. Pandan Amikhan, can you remember? There's one who plays tricks on people, kind of a Wilson. There's one who plays tricks on people kind of a Wilson Usador the black what oh my gosh. Oh, that's right. There's a usador who has two eye patches Yes, the black refers to what he sees not the color of his robes And then I remember spin-tax told us about some of this stuff and then

Chant you were a when dingo when D. Go Wilson Oh, that's right, I was married to you. We're married in the-in the mirror world. Gross. I don't know, that's not quite cool. I was fine. I don't know. My life takes different paths.

I just don't want to think about the two of you. Sexuality is a spectrum. That's fine. I just mean specifically the two of you. Oh, my he-you're- So you're just gross, that's why the idea of me just- Of Arnea Chant. Yes. mean specifically the two of you. Oh, my heater. So you're just gross that by the idea of me just... Of Arne and Chant. Yes.

Yeah, okay. Fair enough. Chant, Desu Wendigo, of course, craves the taste of human flesh. Well, I mean, everyone gets a, you know, a bit of hungry every once in a while for human flesh, right? Chant, your store is clearly turning into a vampire. I don't know if he is. Do you see any bite marks on his neck? Not on his neck. What's in that? It's not bottled. The red potion? Yeah, that's just red potion. This is red potion. Oh, I never mind.

Although, I do still have that smug from last week that has some of my blood in it. Oh, give me that. Hmm, give me that. One easy test for vampirism is to pile a bunch of grains of sand before a doorstep, and if the person must count them before passing then he's probably a vampire. You're right, I got some sand. Yeah, that is through my face. He's not a vampire.

Pininomicon. Continue to list tables in fun way. Sacrificial altars. Spreadsheets, hot tables, ping pong tables. I love this one. And so, in our established tradition of ratcheting up the dramatic tension to the breaking point, this week we describe the table. Have a seat, Vince Gilligan, classes in session.

Used all the wizard was performed like a box of windchimes being dropped on a well by Matt Young. Chant The King of the Badgers was performed like Just the Well by Abel Rathai. Spin Tax the Greens pandanama-com, answering a flood of questions like every first improv class happening at once, was played by special guest Charlie McCracken. Charlie performs with The Reckoning, every Thursday at Iowa West in Los Angeles. Sorry to interrupt, but you asked me to try to intercept some of the emails people have been sending to Magic Tavern at puppies.splice. That cannot be a real email address.

Well, I intercepted this one from a Monroe in Spain. He was the one who said he would read Yusudor's name in Spanish. Anyway, he sent this in. So here it goes. I use the Dorsename in Spanish. Yusudor, Echicero del Dú de Fimo Reino de Eficiés, Maestro de Lucer y Sombras, manipulator de marapillas mágicas, devorador del caos, campeón de los grandes salones de terracas, los elfos

le conocen como fía ni alaq, los enanos le conocen como son en gustanjis y en el noreste es conocido como gaesmueñesmeistar y quizá haya otros nombres secretos, que aún no as a mysterious star, and that there are other secrets that are not made. Oh great, is this going to be a thing now? It's very likely, yeah. Craig, you finish up, I'm going to try to hire that man to play Yuzador. His voice has a linting, unnat youngy quality to it. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arne and Ecamp, Even Jacober and Rhyndi Georgie, and this one edited by Chris Rathchin. Music by Andy Poland, logo by Aller LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production

assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Very special thanks grow out to Ryan Conner, an engineer at Ear Wolf, who stayed late to help us record this episode, and thanks to Josh Richmond for setting up the recording time for us. Also thanks to Mary Beth Smith and the podcast Sports Retorts for switching studio times with us. Check out Sports Retorts with Hule and Joe if you're looking for a fun sports podcast.

Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op, of course, and thanks to Ear Wolf. If you want to know more about what SpinTax is up to on Earth right now, you can follow him on Twitter at SpinTax The Green. But why aren't we on Twitter? Ugh, I don't need grouchy strangers pointing out grammatical errors or positive and sane conspiracy theories. That's what I have you for. Now, wanna hear me list 50 alternate adjectives to round and oak?