Hello From The Magic Tavern - 86 - Overworked Fairy

Episode Date: November 7, 2016

This week we learn what life is like for the fairy-folk.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungRoss the Fairy: Allison RinghandCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzCraig-Cast Theme Music: Loping Sting Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensecreativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

The following podcast is not real, but it is a key component to Project Mobius, the top secret comedy mind control initiative of the ear wolf network. Oh, whoops, it says don't read that part, forget that, forget that. And it's sponsored by Cars Against Humanity. If you'd like to give real gifts to your fake friends, send them to Cards Against Humanity 1917 North Elston, Chicago, Illinois 60642. Kerov, Arne and Ecamp, a Ramellian Minotaur, Town of Hogsface, Land of Foon. The folks at Guards will pass them along.

Enjoy the show! Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Arneanie Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this was going on. About a year and a half ago, I kind of lost track honestly. I don't know exactly how many months But over a year and a half ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king into the magical fantastical land of Foon Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from that burger king through the dimensional portal And I use it to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern the Vermilionion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface,

in the land of Foon. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-hosts, Sean the King of the Badgers. Hey there. How you doing bud? Good, how you doing? I'm doing pretty good. You look. There's some new stuff going on with you.

Yeah. I got some more piercings then. More piercings, really. My friend Claire's been helping me out. I got what's called a stud in my ear. Uh huh. I got a hoop in this one over here. Wow. then I ended up getting that LeBray piercing. Yeah, I got a this is a This is a how do I explain this I got this weird piercing where long ago there used to be this prince

Al he would be my prince Al and He got a special type of piercing and I also got that special type of piercing and you may not be able to see it. In your dick. Sorry? In your penis. What? No.

Who would get their dick pierced? Oh, that's not what you're talking about. No. It's on my shoulder. Oh. He just pierced my shoulder. Peers your shoulder. Yeah.

It's kind of a cool thing. I mean, it's not as bad as a dick, but it just pierced your shoulder. Yeah. It's got a hurt. Yeah bad as a dick, but it just pierced your shoulder. Yeah. It's got a hurt. Yeah, it hurts terribly, but it looks great. Who is this new friend Claire that you've getting all these piercings from? She's just a friend of mine.

And also my friend Spencer, who gives me so many gifts. Oh, Spencer's gifts? What? Be honest. Our Spencer's gifts are any good. They're kind of like a funny- I feel like when I was younger, they used to look kind of cool, and now I'm just like, these are lame.

Yeah. Hey, you know what? I'm also joined by my other co-host, one of my favorite people in Thune. I am Usador. Wizard of the twelfth realm of a feces, master of light and shadow. Many people are of magical delights. The power of chaos, chubbion of the great pearls of Tarakets. The elves know me as fying Yalek. The dwarves know me as zoning in who's stangies. And I have known in the northeast

that's Gassam Winiest May star. And there may be other secret names. Not know yet. All those names are so broad. So deadly, so gruesome, that damn that speaking round of this in-one I reference. That's a softest I've ever heard used to do or speak.

Yeah, wow, that's impressive. I can't get doing? What if the whole show is just this? And then, now I'm back to the point. I bet we killed somebody. I bet there is someone listening at home who turn the volume way up because they wanted to hear every second of you so we're talking. And you blasted their ears out. A nay, nay, they want to hear a every single note upon the very spectrum that is the voice of

usadal. Every note, every note. Every note. Have I heard every note that your voice is capable of? Perhaps. Perhaps. You know, sometimes when you're not around, Usadur, I take your equipment and we've been recording another podcast

What it's called use the doors anunciation really yeah, so what we do is we just take a they're just short podcasts It's like red letter yellow letter red letter yellow. Yeah, it does a lot of like she brews a proper cup of coffee and a copper coffee pot So every episode is just you doing vocal warm-ups. That's correct. Yeah, does up do other things happen What do you do on this podcast? I'm his hype man. Here is hype man. Yeah, baby, get it. Could I, I mean, could you give me the gift of a grip top suck?

Not a slip-shape, ship-shape, drip-drop suck, but a plastic elastic grip top suck. You know you need unique hogs face. You know you need unique hogs face. That one's hard. That is a hard one. Yeah, this podcast sounds terrible, but I know I'm going to get lots of requests. No, actually, Junt, he's right.

It is awful. I have been listening back to it, and it is even worse than this show. What? I used to do his enunciation. I mean, the title... I mean, I sound terrific, but the show is boringness hell. What have you guys been doing with it? Have you tried uploading it anywhere?

What? I'm uploading it. What do you mean? Well, you got to upload it through the dimensional Reactor to the we just speak into the microphone. We see it does the rest talk it earth right now Oh, you don't even like no you probably don't even know how to record it I thought there's a microphone you speak into it. It's just talking earth. We just talk into this and it goes to oh I see so you just come and set up the mics talking to them. Yes, anything it goes someplace. Yes Dummies. Hey, you guys are fucking stupid about our stuff. Who's fault is that? I'm tired. Look here's the thing I'm tired. I'm tired of being the fish out of water. I am no stupider than you guys just because I'm in your world

I understand stuff. You don't know shit about my world now. You're no stupider than anyone Let's be honest. Yeah, and we know tons about earth stuff like what's the earth stuff? You know There's a little something called the Kentucky Derby Kentucky Derby we know all about Disneyland. We know all about Dharma and Greg We've learned about Billy Yum Yum Chew by two. Yes. I know what a nerd's rope is Like making a really nostalgic first. All right. Well, you know, we could go on and on talking about earth stuff. Let's do. Look, I don't want to talk about earth stuff,

except for there's a shirt. I don't want to talk about earth stuff. Currently available on the Ear Wolf store. What was that voice you slipped into? That's my sales voice. It sounded gross. Hey, you know what? I feel like I've been ignoring our guests.

I'm very excited. We have another fairy on the show. We're going to talk to Ross, the fairy. Hello. Hello. Hi, Ross. Hi. You're just adorable little fairy. Don't patronize. Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. But it's just you're so small. So I guess I think of small things as being adorable. I think of your penis as adorable.

Oh, snap. I really walked right into that hole. Sorry. If I see one, I'm going to take a look. Oh, sure. It's a classic. Classic, classic, classic. Classic, classic.

You know Ross. Oh, yeah, Ross and I went to school together. Where did you guys go to school? Potouly. Potouly grid school. Oh, wow. Which smells so bad. It smells like there's a phrase of like smells like potouly.

It smells like potouly. Yeah. Like unwashed. But also. Which smells so bad. It smells like there's a phrase of like smells like patulli. Yeah. Like unwashed. But like also better than you. Yeah. Yeah. Patulli school smells fairy poorly because there's a built on top of a dead ogre. Oh. So Rust, walk me through like what your life is like. What is your life like? Is a fairy. I should get up super early. That's number one. That's number one for all fairies. Oh all fairies early risers early risers late sleepers Naps sure. Yeah, then we go I got to work every day Uh-huh 20 hours 20 hours. Yeah, that's so much of the day. It's disgusting. Yeah, we only paid for six to you only paid for six of those hours

Yeah, they kind of, into half hour sequences. Uh-huh. Yeah, so. Yeah, there's a lot of rigor moral. Yeah. You'd be surprised. What is the work that you do? Oh my God.

Enjanting people. Sure. Yeah. With my spirit. Yeah. Is a big one kind of upping the mood. Like if there's a kind of a bad mood in a place, we go there and we up it. Is that hard to spend so much time in places's a kind of a bad mood in a place, we go there and we up it.

Is that hard to spend so much time in places where people are in a bad mood? You know what I like it? Sure. Yeah, I crave it. I'm not gonna lie, I dream about it. Yeah. I mean, I'm good at my job. That's not the point. Yeah. The point is the circumstances of which I work. Oh, I say, so you're like, love the job. Love the job. Don't like the circumstances. Yes. Love love the peanut butter hate the job Sure, yeah 100% yeah now you Have a very good very job some fairies have No, loley jobs. Yes, they live in shoes. They live in shoes

They put do on to grass. That's what of thing right they have to wake up the sun Uh, what a trouble wake up the sun. What a dreamer. Wake up the sun? The sun? Obviously, over the sleeper. Yeah, how does that work? Oh my God, you start the eyes. You kind of walk, walk them. Yeah.

And then as soon as, you know, there's enough fresh air, there's enough of us fairies. Yeah, you wake up. Oh, you wake up the sun. Yeah, yeah. But you know what, there's probably not a very time-consuming job. You would think, but some time is so different than not time. Oh, eyes. Yeah. And it takes very many fair different than not time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it takes very many fairies to do it.

Oh, yeah. What alone definitely not to do it. No, no, no. You're like a sneeze. But some people must like that job. Like if you've got a worse job, you're like, oh, I hate this job. I might as well be walking on the sun. Yeah, I guess you're talking about everything being relative.

Yeah, yeah. That's a good way to end a conversation. Yeah. How do fairies, how do fairies jobs get picked? Like do you decide like, I'm gonna shoot for being that kind of fairy or do you get preselected? Oh, you're preselected. There's very little mobility in the fairy world.

Oh, yeah. Well, I guess you're lucky that you got a job you like. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you learn to like it, like anything. Oh. You know, somebody likes to wipe it ass. don't know not me. Yeah somebody out there. Someone does. Do they test your aptitude at all? Do they see where you're best placed? No it's whatever was your mother and your father. Just hereditary. Hereditary yes

surely. So your parents did the same did the same job? No my parents um well, well does oh yeah, oh yeah It skips a generation sure so if you had your druthers would you have the job you have or would you do something else? Goodness, I've never even entertained the thought. I guess if you can give me the permission to think for a minute sure Give her permission. Yeah, that's all. Everyone shut up! This is thinking time. I'd like to tell stories through songs. Oh. Wow.

Is that something that you do in your free time? Or is it just something you want to do in your life? Can you talk into one another? It's something I do. I entertain in my free time thinking about. Sure. Yeah. Could we hear free time thinking about. Sure. Could we hear one of your stories? Sure, just one.

I always like to hear a problem. Yeah. Could I hear a problem? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do either of you have a recent problem? I don't have a problem, but my friend has been dating someone long distance and he's concerned it may not work out.

Oh, that's tough. As far as I know a lot about that, because we're so small, everything's someone long distance and he's concerned it may not work out. Oh that's tough. As fairies know a lot about that because we're so small. Yeah. Everything's a long distance. That's true. It's very true. It's very natural, just very long. Yeah. Yeah. It could be a very short distance to you. Okay. Do you mind, if I say? Look at him. He's over there. Oh it's getting smaller because he's over there. Ooh, it's getting smaller, because he's far away. Is it you getting bigger? Or he getting smaller?

It's distance. Wow. Wow, that's fantastic. That really put my heart to tease. Yeah. Maybe you didn't solve your problem. No, but it's a scribe. Really puts things in perspective.

Yeah, just hearing your... Hearing someone else identifying with your problem, I think it's helpful. It reminded me how things in the distance a smaller Try not to hear you got a problem Yes, I have a problem where My friend thinks that I might have pierced my dick and I don't know how to Assure him I did not yeah tail as old as time

What's that peeking from your pants? Is it metal? Is it a dance? We'll never know unless we ask it's the penis song. Wow. Oh, that's a good song. I'm gonna sing that to my penis every night before bed. Oh, really? I'm talking to my penis. Sing it to that little song. It's talking to the warm glass of milk and then call it.

Oh. So you wake up in the morning to the warm milk all over your lap. Well, here's my problem. I love my family. But I accidentally fell through a dimensional portal from my world to this world to that. I get it.

Yeah, you say at the beginning of every show. A year and a half ago, I fell through a dimensional portal and I miss my family very much. Like I love the magical cool things that I've learned here, but I miss my family. Right. So you want me to send you a song? I would love it, sorry. Okay.

Little babies cry about little things. You got to realize life is long and you only get one of it so shot it Yeah, man, I didn't even run. No, that one that one really hit home for me. Oh Boy, all right, well, like you give me a lot to think about. Yeah, that's all it's all relative man I guess so you know, I have this theory of Relatively I'm not gonna sing that song to my penis if I were to put my paw in a fire for half an hour, yeah, it would burn off. It would burn off.

Yeah. But if I were to spend, you know, some time in the company of a beautiful person, it would feel like five minutes. That's beautiful. Yeah. Chums are a lot for. Yeah.

And relatively, that second scenario is the better one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Not even relatively.

Like it just is the better scenario. Unless you allergic to beauty. Oh, oh, yeah. Some people are. Yeah. Some people are. How does beauty allergy manifest itself? Like, what happens?

Oh, you just sort of let yourself go, grow a beard. Don't do much with your hair anymore. And you're just like, I'm sorry, I'm allergic to beauty. Yes. Well, you know what, Ross, do you want anything to drink? Oh, do you have any teacups? We do have teacups, would you like anything in it? Or did you want to come?

No. You just want to sit inside the teacup? Oh, I'm so sorry, yeah, you've been like, you've been just sort of hovering by this whole time. Yeah, it's got to be exhausted. And then T-Cop leaves, and three ails for the table. And make it short and stout.

Let's take a quick break, and we'll be right back. So Ross, it saddens me to learn that fairies' lives are are a lot more bleak than I guess I imagined they would be. But you bring so much magic and joy into the into into into phone. It's sad that your lives seem low. Dare I say joyless? Yeah, I dare you to say it. Dare accept it. It's joyless. Yeah, it's horrible. We see in black and white, we work 20 hours. Nobody cares about us.

You see in black and white yes you're so colorful you don't see any of those colors yeah and it's it's like dots to oh it's not even connected wow you look like an atom to me it does look like an atom I could see you being named atom it's not nice it's not great we have horrible overlords by the way of kings yeah yeah. Yeah, and they're in rehab, I heard. Yes, and honestly, it's sex-related. Oh, sex-related. Yeah, I love it. I wonder if they have anything for that

of the learning onyx, where I've been going to meetings. There's this giant onyx building, where there's like, you can go to meetings, you can go to AA, which is just, you go in the room and there's just two apples So yeah, right, right, right, right, you can go to the side which one to pick. Yeah, you have to decide Yeah, that's tricky test. Yeah, white watchers, they sure Trying to get rid of the lights. Oh, we all exactly

Yes, but it's hard to keep them away. Yeah, got the population So you're overlords are just making things tough? Oh yes, so tough. They cut our brakes, they step on our toes, they clip our wings. Oh no! Just for talking back. Oh. And I have this horrible thing, it's called Sass. Yeah.

Yeah, I got a lot of it. A lot of Sass. Yeah, and so I gotta bite my tongue. Yeah, literally? No, I was fairies don't have tongues. Oh, what? How are you talking? Wait, wait, open your mouth. Yeah, literally? No, that was fairies don't have tongues. Oh, what? How are you talking? Wait, open your mouth.

This is very personal, I apologize. Is it all right if you open your mouth really wide so I can see your tongue less mouth? Yeah, it kind of looks like your pants. Oh, that's too huge. Oh, snap. I deserve that. I do 100% to say that.

Thank you. Thank you. I'll be here all night. Do you mind if I plug my show? No, go right ahead. Yeah, there's a corner at Dickens I stand there and I burn people. Oh, yeah, I heard anyone else to come. So you burn people? Mm-hmm. What does that mean? That means I say something to them and then I throw a match at the face. Oh So like you got burned. Yeah burn notice. So both ways both ways. But anyways, those days and Tuesdays Thursdays and Tuesdays. Yeah, all day. Can you do a burn on a chunk? Oh, come on.

Something. Hey, John, where's your butt? Around back in your mother's mouth. Oh, come on. That was pretty good. That's pretty good. Somebody get me to a healer because I have three degree burns Well, she didn't luckily she didn't throw actual fire on you, so no, yeah, so for some very little Yes, you're close. Yeah, we're very close. Yes, we've been we've been there and back Yeah, how do you ever have trouble lifting the match? No very dust Lifts itself got it. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah. So, I don't know, is there anything we can do to help? Oh, yes. I'd like all the fairies to come to Dickens after my burn session and we want to

talk. We got to talk. We got to organize. We got to come together. Oh, these no non fairies. Oh, okay. These no scops. Those are people pretending to be fair. Oh, scops are trying to be pretending to be fairies. They pretend are trying to be pretending to be fair They pretend but we can see right through that. Oh sure. What do they really look? What are like what do they look like? The furrier. Oh, okay, and they they talk like with like a higher accent. Oh, I see. Yeah Sometimes they're human size and just wearing fake wings. They're very easy to spot. Yeah, very easy It's not a fair. You're like you're like a thousand times too big. Yeah. Yeah. They say they just ate a hamburger.

And you're like, what hamburger did all of that? I think not. I'm gonna start using that excuse I think. There's also some fairies that it's kind of sad but they can only stay alive if you believe in them. And clap. And it's just like, it's exhausting like. Yeah.

It's a lot of spandex fairies. Just a lot of spandex fairies. Just like, please keep, it's's like this exhausting like yeah. It's a lot of just for attention. Just like please keep it's like this is so tired. Please I don't exist without this. It's like so needy and it's like horrible. It's like I believe in you. Why do I have to clap? Yeah exactly. Exha-lyve should be enough. Yes. I've listened to this whole thing. I'm not gonna clap. Right. I don't do it anymore. Me neither. So you're trying to organize all the fairies. Yes, I do.

You want them to get together. Tum, come together, Dickens, and we'll talk. We'll organize, we'll make some demands, and then we're gonna do a peaceful protest. Oh. We'll give that a minute. Sure. So walk me through with that, how that first minute will look.

Like, what will that peaceful protest look like? We're gonna form a giant fairy with our bodies. Oh. I'm gonna be the top of the left wing. Okay. So that's kind of where the power is. Sure. And as soon as that giant fairy,

we're gonna knock on the King's door. And we're gonna say, you know, treat us better. Treat you better, yeah. That's about a minute. And you said this is on Dickens? Yeah. You know, on Dickens Street is where Chris met his you know Chris from Christmas. Oh, yeah, Chris was where he met his girlfriend Carol. Oh really?

Christmas and Carol. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, wow on Dickens Street. Now, yes, once you organize these fairies Single force to take on the king in Queen of the fairies and to put them in their place. Will you use her power or shall there be a vacuum and what shall fill that vacuum? No, no. We prescribed to the fairy think Tarles box and we believe that the the work should be collaborative Ryan and we should own the own that production but also give us a weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a weekend Yeah, yes a wonderful utopian future. Yes for the fairies For the fairies. Thank you, and I enjoy your support. You guys are all allies in my book I don't want to divert from the great work that you're doing

But just personally since I know you and I know you know in school Are you ever gonna get back with Rachel? Oh, don't Don't come on tell us Don't I feel like she shaved ahead. Did she yeah, and that was 99% of the reason why I was with her was her hair Oh great. Yeah great here great. Yeah, I did did this thing and look like a book falling off a shelf. Sorry just in school Russ and Rachel were like the shop owners like they're on again, they're off again, they're on again, they're off again. It's just crazy. We went on spring break. I put some people and she got mad about it. You were on a break. Yeah I was on spring break. Yeah it was on

it was spring break. You were on spring break. Uh-huh.! I don't know if I should ask some follow-up questions about fairy sex. I'm almost certain you shouldn't. Okay, fair enough. Unless you want to get burned a third time. That is true. That is true. That would be great. My penis has been burned a lot of times. Is that why it looks like that? Oh, I see what you're saying.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, just metaphorically. Good one, good one. Now, I wish to help you in your endeavor too. Yes. You knight the fairies. Thank you. And I know you're too small to carry a rock. Yes. So here's a moat of dust. Oh, thank you. You're magical properties.

Oh, come on. If you hold onto this dust moat, and you wish very, very hard. The things that you want to happen are 25% more likely to come true. So you give me a discount? Exactly. But you know what, she's a fairy. She's already a magical creature, isn't it? It's a long-awaited fairy. I already heard her as magical dust.

She's a fairy dust. I'm giving her extra magical dust. It's an... ...and... ...and... ...an addendum. A fire sale. Yes. Yes, I'm just her extra magical dust. It's an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... an... show show everybody close your eyes okay think about the best food you've ever seen you couldn't eat it though because it was behind glass best food I've ever seen but haven't actually tasted because it was behind the thick glass glass okay I'm on the spice potatoes okay you've never wait Chad what sorry I don't want to interrupt please you've never eaten your mother's spicy food. Oh, it's supposed to be only when we've ever eaten. Yeah, just something you've seen.

Oh, okay. We've all eaten this mother's spicy food, oh. Hey, come on, come on. Hey, come on. I love it. How is she? She's great. She has about you all the time.

Oh my god. You have to swim by sometimes. Yeah, I'll do. Okay, I'll just be honest. Okay, so honest penis is behind glass. No, everybody open Gordia left pocket. Okay. Okay, so hurry spin us behind glass. No, everybody open Gordia left pocket.

Okay. You don't even know the pocket? Well, my penis isn't my left pocket. There we go. A mermaid, Flee. I never thought I'd be able to eat a mermaid. That's not even legal. I know.

Sad. I could never have it. It was something I was supposed to never have eaten. Yeah, I guess that's true. It was either this or a unicorn sign quarters. Oh my god. Oh What every had unicorn on the cup Well Ross, it's so exciting to learn more about Very folk and sort of what you're dealing with yeah, it's a rich history tapestry. Yeah, yeah, so what's nice? No? He said it today my catchphrase what's not like what's what's next for you?

Like right now. Yeah, what are you gonna do now? I'm probably gonna go the bathroom Here's a question. I ask all of our guests. No, come on. Don't ask it Well, I just want I don't know what fairy poop looks like. Oh God. Look at me a pants Okay, fair enough. I, okay. Fair enough. I feel like I haven't treated my penis very well this episode. I'm going to have to sing it a song tonight before I go to sleep. Just as forgiveness.

Yeah, I just tuck it in. He's a little glass of milk. Yeah. We just story. We just story. Uh, Chunch. Have you gotten any emails lately? Yeah, I have.

You can email me at chunchgmail.com. Of course, that's Chunch with 60s. Here we have an email from Tim Rap. Tim says, I need Yusudora to test a ritual. Hey, Chon, how's it going? It's already easy as an intermediary like this, but I've been workshopping a ritual, but I can't try it out myself because there's no magic on Earth. Can you see if Yusudora can help with this and if there's any effect? So Yusudora, I'm going to read this ritual.

All right. You're going to do it and let us know if there's any effect. Let's see. Step one, you're gonna do it and let us know if there's any effects and see step one There's three steps put your right hand in step two is take your right hand out. I have done so step three Let's put your right hand in I have done so again. You're gonna shake it all about Anything my dick's bigger Well, you made all our dick's bigger Fine, I'll do it again, do it again. I put my right hand in, I put my right hand down, I put my right hand in and I shake it

all. Yes. Well, congratulations, gentlemen. Too big, but what are you gonna do? I hope that answers your question. And it's all cannon. From hell on, dear listeners. Remember, from this moment for I

From this month for now forget the magic that has transpired here today And the effect that it has had upon our various genitalia. I for now. We shall be so well and now it that all shall I don't know what that's got. Get your fan art ready. Hey, I've got an email you can always email me at Magic Tavern at puppies that supplies. It's really email address. Hi Arnie, use it or enchant. I've listened to your entire podcast from the beginning since I discovered it early this summer. Oh great. You're all amazing talented people and you make my day brighter. My parents, uh-oh, oh, Jesus, I don't know what this after. The Dicks Bigger Park? Hey, my parents really announced that they are getting separated,

which was a big shock, but your episodes still bring, your episodes still bring a smile to my face. Arnie, I know you've spent a lot of time apart from your child, and I'll soon be far from my dad. Any helpful words would be appreciated. I know Chuck grew up with separate parents, so I was wondering if he had any words of advice. And any words of wisdom from Yusidor would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for everything, Megan, 17-year-old English girl living in Prague. Chuck, how would you have any advice for a grown-up with separated pants?

I would say make sure that your dad always stays hungry and that your mom is a man to poor. Good, that's good advice, John. Is that universal enough? I think, yeah, I mean, you personalize it and you hope it becomes universal. I thought so. You still are, how about you? Megan, hear the words of Yusudor now.

You are not alone. For when you are separated from your family, that only is a physical separation. Your family you carry with you and your heart. For my family is the very wind and birds and fire and air that did bring me forth unto this world. I do not spend my days and nights with them in a home. Nay, they are in my heart all day and all night,

and I know that I am here for a purpose to defend Fum from evil. Find your purpose and love your family, and that shall be enough. Houston, do the birds and winds and fire that made you, do they always get along? No, no. Sometimes the wind comes through and tears out the birds' nests in a great typhoon or tornado. There is tumultuous anger sometimes between these great forces of nature. And we must learn that this anger and this tumult is all natural. And that we must learn to accept it and find our own place here in this food. Like farts. Also, you get two Christmas's.

That's true, you'll get two Christmas's. Well, anyway, we get lots of emails from people who are going through tough times and I appreciate all of them. And I hope that we can be a small good thing for anybody that needs something to help them through their week. And Megan, I don't know if I have any advice besides, you know, love your family no matter how far-flung they may be,

even if they're transported into another dimension. And also, you know what, find good friends. Good friends always help you through tough times. And you don't have to take this advice, but it's just good words from four dudes with huge old bicks. No, no. So Megan, please have not listened to this episode where we tried to help you. And that's all from the Magic Tavern!

Look, the fairies dragon is sticking around. Yeah. You said, are you made the fairies dick too big? Fine, fine. It's put my right hand out, I put my right hand in, I know, no, no, no, no! I stopped shaking it. Oh, it's's cannon mine's open Good stuff good stuff but not Remember, it's not real.

Use the door of the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the King of the Badgers was played by Adolfie. Ross, the fairy, was played by Allison Ringhant. Allison performs in the show 3P to the I.O. theater and in other shows all over Chicago. I've got some more credits here, but it's kind of quiet in the bunker, so I thought this might be a good time for another installment of CREGCAST. Welcome back to CREGCAST, everybody. Good to see you all again. Everyone else in the space bunkers doing some mandatory sensitivity training, so I don't have any guests, but

I do have an email here from a Mercury Starlight, who writes, as you might be able to tell for my name, I'm not your typical Earthling. I always thought my parents were just hippies, but after finding your podcast, I came to understand the truth. My ancestors must be from Foon. I wouldn't have believed it myself, but imagine my surprise when I heard Mundle the Grundle, playing my favorite epic nursery ballad as the advertising music. My parents taught me that tune as the merchant of Backwater, which I've recorded for you and provided the lyrics. Well, thank you for writing a Craigcast,ie Starlight, or not necessarily to Craig Cas,

but let's just hear a little bit of that, shall we? by high stockings of goose and down imitating the fair tidanyah. His wig shone like gold in the sun, lit air, with a braiding of flowers in his hair. They sang of the deeds of the maiden fair, as he mimicked the fair tetanya One thing he needed to put to rest Just to ensure that he looked his best What was the size of tetanus breast all on a blurs day morning? Good stuff again not real not real. All made up. Totally fake. None of this is real, but that was really good.

In fact, I'm actually going to play the rest of that after the credits here, so just stick around for the rest of that. Hello from The Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacoba, and Ryan D. Georgie. This one edited by Chris Raffchen, Music by Andy Poland, Logo by Alan LeBon, Additional Audio Effects by Jason Knox, Production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at alofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks for the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to Ear Wolf.

Don't forget about the big hello from the Magic Tavern live show in Chicago on November 19th, as part of the Chicago podcast festival. We got special guest Scott Attsid, of course from 30 Rock and then the other great things, and you can go to ChicagoPodcastfestival.org for more details about that. That's it for the show, that's it for Craigcast, what am I forgetting? Oh, I'm still playing hide and seek with Robot Arnie. I wonder if he's still in the cargo bay. I'm gonna go down and check. Bye. The merchant of backwater came to town in a fine fancy hat and velvet gown he wore by high stockings of goose and gown imitating the fair titan. His wig shown like gold in the sun,, With a braiding of flowers in his fair

They sang of the deeds of the maiden fair, As he mimicked the fair tatanya One thing he needed to put to rest, Just to ensure that he looked his best. What was the size of Titan's breast? All on a blurs day morning. The merchant of that water asked around in his fine fancy hat and velvet gown. The big, up-looned over green and round as he mimicked the fairtid tenure.

He sold all his wares in a shocking blur, asking all of his patrons' strike to scour if they'd ever heard of the fair Titania Apples or pears or a griffin's egg Melons or dragon fruit did he beg Could one tell only by shape of leg All on a blurs day morning The merchant of backwater wept in vain, Oh, this question was a giant pain, He wondered if he'd ever drag again In the visage of Bertitania. When suddenly he was approached and fast,

Like King Alban himself, who looked, A guest he'd come by the town for a long repressed, When he'd noticed his fair tidanyah. Come now, my queen, set the worry king. Normally, hide, see you laugh and sing. Why come you hear selling stones and string? All on a blurs day morning. The merchant of backwater stopped and stared, could it be though he wasn't quite prepared? This king had

mistaken this merchant fair for his own wife the Queen Titania. He looked down to find to his great delight that although he was somewhat short in height, his feet were no longer in his own sight, for his breasts were a, Tanya's. Magic he thought what a wondrous boon. Perhaps a wizard has heard my tune. Such is the way of things here in Foon. All on a Blur's Day morning. My king said the fair merchant thinking fast, I have missed you along your long repast But now you have come to me here at last So embrace me your fair tatanya My queen's at King Bella rough smiling white

Why, of course, you belong right by my side Come let us repose by the fair, Like sight for I love you, my fair Titania, And sell the merchants to his slight dread, Found himself tied to King Albane's bed, And for a week they were legally wed, All on a Blur's Day morning. For a week they were legally wed

All on a Blursday morning