Hello From The Magic Tavern - 89 - Jyn'Leeviyah the Red (w/ Felicia Day)

Episode Date: November 28, 2016

At long last, we get to meet the object of Usidore's wizardly affections.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungJyn'Leeviyah: Felicia DayMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTricia: Kate JamesCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real. It's just a bunch of human actors. One pretty famous one and three others who aren't really up to the task. And it's still sponsored by Cards Against Humanity, like an innocent child who just keeps putting the dead baby bird back in the nest. Want to send something to Foon? Take your laughably insufficient five fingered human hand and scroll this on the package. Cards Against Humanity 1917 North-Earth-Eldstin Chicago, Illinois 60642 Care of Arnie Neekam, Vrnilian Minator, Town of Hogsface, Land of Foon.

Cards Against Humanity will take it from there. And now, ready? Set? Listen! Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arne Neekcamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, it's okay. Just this one time. But this is what you need to know. About a year and a half ago, I shifeld through a dimensional portal, behind a Burger King,

through the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal. Through that portal, from the Burger King, into the tavern, That was a weird order you but you listener you understand it's coming from the Burger King through the portal Indifune into my laptop. I don't know what happens at that point. I don't really know how Wi-Fi works Look, I know you're listening to this podcast. You're really excited to get to the people besides me But this is important every week I host a podcast in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon.

And I'm joined, as always, by my best buds, my boon companions, my Foon companions, my Goon companions, my soon to be companions. Chant the King of Badgers. Oh yeah, baby. How you doing, bud? Pretty good, I dose off a little bit during your intro. I just wanted to get it right.

Does that make sense? I just wanted to get it right. Oh, you never did. You never did. Well, that's debatable. Sure. How are things been going with the Badger Kingdom? Pretty good, as I mentioned last week,

I was going to go undercover, be a little bit of an undercover king, so I'd say. So what you wanted to go undercover, is it to find out what the common Badger is thinking is it to like Look for dissension among the ranks of the badger. Yeah, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this whole prank thing I don't know why the badger just feels like they don't respect me don't seem to like you. Yeah A lot of times they'll just like while I'm talking they'll make like fart sounds and on my face not That's not your normal. Yeah. Oh, I'm, I'm, I may be the only person that asks this follow up question.

Is it fart sounds with their mouth or is it with their butts? How are they making the fart sounds? It's important to me. One, this is the best you've ever been at interviewing. Two, it's on the worst subject. Yeah. Where is this the rest of the time? I mean, sometimes you really, you're just waiting for that topic to come along

but really sparks your imagination that you really want to know usually it's what's next and then when we talk about Farts all of a sudden you become this you know Keaton compelling interesting person. And I am Usador, Wizard of the 12th Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Magical Delights, the Roar of Chaos, Champion of the Great Pools the roar of chaos. Check in! Are they great? Oh, the wolves of the rockets! The elves know me as fying, y'all. Thank you, y'all. The dwarves know me as zoning and who extinguishes,

and I am known in the northeast as guessmwayneus may star. Oh, and believe me, friends. Listen now, for a few believe that you have heard all my names. Spoke aloud, I just now. I'm sure I have not. Know that that is not true. You have heard all my names. Spoke aloud. I just now know that that is not true. Yeah, but there be other names.

Names so sweet, so precious. Like Johnny downstream. It's so wonderful. Like Johnny downstream. Has the blades of grass know me? Oh, sweet, precious sweet little names. These little nothings whispered into a lover's ear. I, and then other names, names of such dark, important terror, that they would walk over, wherever you're sitting, and give you one of those purple nerples.

Ooh, wow, what's that? Oh, nerple, infant. That's, uh, that's when they, like, pitch a nipples. Do you not have nerples? Uh, well, first of all, we, purple nerples on Earth is the same thing, but I don't know if we have nerples. What is a nerple? They're tiny little purple people.

They're a little bit smaller than smokes. Sure. But they're very nice. Uh-huh. And it's very sad that a purple nerple has been named after them. Such a mean trick to play on your friends. Speaking of, I failed to introduce,

speaking of Farts from earlier. Yeah. Oh yeah. I do dearly dearly miss gorgeous the potato. Of course you remember gorgeous my screaming potato companion. So I used some of the dark magic I learned and I created a farting peach. Wow. So farting peach. Yeah. So say hello. Say hello. This is sugar ray. Hello sugar ray Oh, does it speak only in Fod noises? Yes, so you have to be attuned to that's right You've been getting into dark magic. Mm-hmm. You started dabbling in it when you saw it was briefly dead Yeah, I went to the ruffled feather and I thought like this I said hello. I want to know some dark magic I'm pretty good at voices you'd never know yeah, you wouldn't you would never think I can't be bothered a lot of times

Yeah, this peach is making you hungry. I Three ails for the table and Unpropsss A Side of lamb. Yes, so so side of lamb. Oh, have you visited I know I mean I know Chuchu's chow is is probably where you want to eat most of the time besides for a minute or have you been to the peach pit? It's just like diner that's like pretty pretty cool. There's a diner called the peach pit, you know, hog space. Yeah. Yes. In the middle of a giant peach. It's mostly for not just teenagers go

there and worms. Well, it used to be teenagers now they're mostly in their 50s or so. You know, same haircuts though. Yeah, how to be teenagers now, they're mostly in their 50s or something, you know. Same haircuts though. Yeah, how'd you know? I'm just a guess. I'm just a guess. Someone's going on with that. Someone's not on that old side of the line.

Side of the line just came over to the table. Oh, hello! I am Genelevia. Wizard of the Sixth Realm of Ephesius, Mistress of Nature and Nurture, Reviver of the Springs of Gulmaget, Sea of the Prophecies of Thames, It midst Keeper of the Sacred Tomb of Daifril. And two time with her choice, a more of nominee. The Elves Nomi is Permain, Serenit.

The Vampire's Nomi is Beyonce bloodless. The Tree-Floak Nomi is Opal Vine, Which in upon the Isle of Megas. I am known as Ukasa Akapfi-Sda. And, if you ask me my other names, unlike, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, off that plate of lamb and take a seat. Yes, amazing. That side of lamb turned into a wizard. Well, I am the mistress of nature and nurture. I can transform not only to any animal, but any inanimate object as well. Wow, that's where she's a wonderful wizard.

Very talented, yes. So you're like a ship shifter as well? Well, yes. I'm Sean, very nice to meet you on Shantay. Oh, you stink of dark magic. Oh, thank you. Wow. Is that an enticing scent for a wizard, dark magic?

Well, I dabble. I dabble in all kinds of magic. And sometimes you just want some herring. Yeah, sure. You know. Oh, my beloved Genolivia, can I get you a drink please? You could do I have yet to forgive you. For containing me, remember, in the coffin?

Well, yes But that was just part of our you know, wizardly tricks that are fun Yes, that's how we impress each other like the birds mighty plumage that he uses to reduce the female bird I have used my wizardly power to entice you to come sit next to me at the Vermilion Minotaur Well, you do quick in my lines But I took a journaling pass through the mountains of Iksak. Yes.

And I have come to the resolution that maybe we should not be together. Oh, that's, I mean, that's a long journey. I know Iksak has a ravine. It's like ravine, have you been there? No. Very, very steep. For a minute there, I was like, used to the Orangen leave you a sitting in the tree, literally, because the bar is inside a tree.

The bar isn't inside a tree, it's true. There is trouble in paradise. My love, I know not what to say for. I look upon thee and I scarred face, and I cannot help but feel the love of a thousand sons burning within my chest. When you stroke this craggin' peaks of my cheeks, I do think that maybe we're meant to be together, but no, no, no. Here, but sit for a while and speak with my friends and get to know me in a different

way. I shall achieve you a drink and I shall be right back. He's got to achieve you a drink. Oh, you're the weirdo. On the weirdo? Oh, yeah. This woman gets it. Oh, man. Well, you know what? This is all filtered through use the door. It's a perspective, right? Like you meet like someone your dating's friends, and you're like, oh, they're that's really an picture. Yeah. But the good thing is that if we broke up, I wouldn't have anything to do with either of you. Oh, well, thank you. Yeah. Also, I didn't want to call it out, but it seems like you take pretty bold ownership.

Your cheek peaks are beautiful. Oh, thank you. Yeah, I was going to say, for someone whose face is very acid scars, you're still very attractive. Well, as the mistress of nature and nurture, I think any form of living being is attractive and doable. Yeah. So I have to love myself if I'm going to love everyone else, which is my job. Wow. The topography of your face is just stellar.

It really, if you if you were to drain the whole sea of Afghanistan, it would be literally the architecture of my right cheek. Oh, that is amazing. Thank you. Here my love. I procured you pure Amazing. Thank you. Here my love. I procured you pure water from the tallest waterfall in all of the food kissed by starlight. It took you long enough. No. Now let me convince you by turning myself into a plate of pancakes. Oh yummy. What happens if you eat? Oh, this is just for play. Oh, well, well, oh, sorry I got when she started cut into the pancakes I hopped away. Yeah. Well, the tension does get large. It is for play, but let's be honest, he's just a half-stack. Well, as the mysteries of nature and nurture, I have several kinds of magic that are available to me.

Details, yeah. One of my buttholes does produce my, the thing that I use to channel my magic. I do not know. I know. Oh my gosh. What kind of subject matter that I'm talking about? Well, I don't make potions.

I make potions. Potions? Yes. So in order to make a spell, I have to imbibe certain kinds of herbs, spices, any kind of thing. It was a part of my lover here. It was a door. And then out the other end comes a tincture, or a salve, or whatever texture comes

out. A salve? Oh, he's missing a chunk. That will grow back. I'm not worried about it. My dear, have you told them about the time that you freed the elves of the Keltain forest? This is a wonderful story No, we're actually in the middle of hearing about potions until you interrupt it Oh, I'm so sorry. I was a plate of pancakes, so I was not listening Yeah, it was through my intestinal track. It was a lovely you have a very fine touch. I do what I can I went on a walkabout to I like to walk yeah, and I went to the forest and the elves were most... most of them were depressed. Oh yeah.

There was a lot of... and we... basically they didn't have to work. And I said, there need to be problems here. Yes. She created problems for them. Exactly. So that they had something to live for. Something to strive for. Much as the way I strived to feed the dark lord. Yaaay! Every day I do wake up at a direct 90 degree angle, shoot out of my bed through

my chimney fully cloth, and then I do walk across fune, or ride a top grim hoof, and learn of secret spells and incantations that may help me defeat the Dark Lord. But what would be better than defeating him with my sweet love at my side? Genelevia, I must ask you this question. Once again, will you join my quest to defeat the Dark Lord? Oh my gosh, he proposed a quest to her and won me. You know I have commitment issues about questing, you know this about me. I know I know maybe I know maybe I'm just a modern guy

But like you can't just surprise someone are we all mothers in going on a quest? I really kind of used a scroll or something to set this up. Yeah, you should talk about it a little bit beforehand Whether she's interested in this at least give me drunk. I think it's like all I talk about pretty much Yeah, that's why I don't see you anyway At least give me drunk. I think it's like all I talk about pretty much. Yeah. That's why I don't see you anywhere except the astroplane. I mean, in the... Damn! Oh, I'm very busy.

And you're very busy, you know, protecting all the nature here in Foon. And I'm very busy questioning about learning, you know, runes. I learned some great runes this week. Oh, really do tell. Yeah, give us a one of your favorite runes. Uh, well, there's this one. Oh. Oh.

That one probably does something awesome. We want me to eat it and see what comes out. Sure. This is my favorite party trick. Oh, look. A small gofer. Oh, well, that wasn't what I expected, but it's delightful nonetheless. Well, I was born of Gofer, so it has to be close by.

I guess very true. I, as I love the birds, switch and leave you a doth love the Gofers as well. Oh, yes. I was born from a pool of massacre Gofers. You're kidding me. That's amazing. I was, I've been a Gofer before. Really? Yeah, I was a Gofer, and I was, I was on this, this this sort of this boat. I'm sorry. You're on a boat What do you mean this? Loving boat. He says awful as they say I was in generally I was in the middle of a story I was recalling a memory and you see this oath interrupted me. I see this

I don't know this methodology of whatever these instruments are, but I do know that rudeness. Yeah, I'm all right I'm all right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Chuck. As I go for telling a story, I'm all right. Would you like a journal? I have several left. Yes, that'd be amazing.

Yes, thank you. You can put your thoughts in there. Thank you. That's brilliant. I'll write it down on my journal, and then Arnie can read it at his leisure. Is it possible for me to have a journal? I don't think I would entrust you with anything deep or meaningful. And also, I don't think you have anywhereust you with anything deep or meaningful.

And also, I don't think you have anywhere to go, emotionally. I mean, no offense. Now, Bern! Now, Genelevi, I must take Umbridge at what you have just said, for Arnold has traveled here from another world. He is the most magical of beans that we have air encountered. We know not of his world, and he may be integral to defeating the Dark Lord. Name one thing he can do that no one here in Fumka do. I can tell you everything that happens in every season of French.

I know that doesn't mean anything to you guys and also like everything, probably not everything, but I can give you a pretty good comprehensive recap of like seat like a like a broad scope of season by season of French. That's the first season, but you don't really need to know a lot about the first season, really like the last couple episodes. Sure these nonsense-couple words must have some magic power that we just don't understand yet. I don't think you know what Yusudor, this reminds me of the halls of Turokos when you would take any, just any wizardling under your wing, however broken or

repugnant. And the last season, the last season is not so great, but I can, so I wouldn't when you would take any wizardling under your wing, however broken or repugnant. And the last season, the last season is not so great. But I can, so I wouldn't spend a lot of time recapping the last season of fringe, but the middle stuff, and no one else here could do that. Are you still talking about the thing that we definitely moved on from?

Oh, sorry. You know what, let's take a quick break. I just, even if you guys aren't gonna listen, it's just like, I got it built up in me. I'm just gonna go find a private place. I just gotta release the rest of this fringe stuff I need to talk about. And yeah, but we'll be right back.

I always going on about Joshua Jackson. So, Jen Levia, I am so excited to finally meet you. I really am. You said or talks about you so much. And he's my friend and I care about his personal life. And like, if you're seeing someone, I want to meet him. I mean, are we seeing each other? I mean...

I'm married. I'm married. I'm seeing you. I can't... When I look at you, you are so rivetingly... Deformed in a way. But I can't... Thank you. Thank you, I can't, when I look at you, you are so rivetingly deformed in a way. Well, thank you, thank you. Thank you.

I mean, oh gosh. You should love everything in nature. Arnold, even Arnold, is part of me. Well, my job is to spread magical energy to everything in the world and that involves intercourse or therapy, anything. I'm available to any animal, any rock, any inanimate object. I don't want to make any assumptions about what you're saying, but I just want to make sure I'm hearing what you're saying. Are you saying the inanimate object? No, are you saying you have

sex with anything? I mean, if they need it. If they need it. I am a force of energy. There is only one of me in existence. Oh, absolutely. And to heal in a natural way. I have all my orifice, and they all need to be used, yeah? Sure. If you're gonna have some natural healing, a lot of times it can be sexual healing, sure. Thank you. Thank you very much.

I've had many a badger, but you seem to be someone new. Well, let's get it on. Okay. Wait, right now? Why would it happen? So, so, so, John, if you had sex with Jen Levia, and I'm sorry, I'm forgetting- I should've asked if I can call you by just a short version of your name. I think you should say my whole name.

Which- I'm sorry, would you remind me of your name? I am Jen Levia, wizard of the Sixth Melm of Ephesius, mistress of nature and nurture, a revival of the springs of Gulm of the Gits, a seer of the prophecies of Thames and Mis- Kepa, of the sacred, TOME OF DAY, FROLE! I went two times with Mr. Choiso' Warnamani. The elves, Nomi, is Permanse, or three, the vampires, Nomi, is Beyonce, bloodless. Formation.

The... excuse me? Why would you interrupt the guest? I just said something I can't- Formation? Forget it, I'm not finishing it. This is what I've been talking about. It's very rude. Isn't it... infuriating? I-I-I don't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can, I can, I can't, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I won't force you to choose between us yet. I... could not choose between you.

I love you with all my heart, and I love Arnold like a son. He's like a... a small child that doesn't know his way through the world yet. And I have, yes, I have taken him under my weaning. Yes, he is broken, and yes, he'll never be normal. He'll never be normal. He'll never be okay But I use an or I don't think of you as a father, but I do think of you as like an uncle An uncle. Yeah, that's about right. What sort of uncle? Not my favorite uncle. All right, but you know what? I know you know like one that I like I have a lot of affection for How many uncles do you have I have

Nine uncles. Oh, well good. There's a lot of uncles. There's a lot of uncles good fun Yeah, I mean I have eight uncles on one side and one uncle on the other side. I do admire your large family as a wizard We we do not have parents I was sprung fully formed from as I said a mass a massacred bite of gulfers. Yeah. And greasy guts everywhere. It was awful. And... Were they grimy as well? They all were very grimy.

They all were very grimy. They all were very grimy. It was disgusting. And, you know, sometimes that sense memory comes back to me when I regress. Sometimes I have to go back to being an in-nation state and just spring forth and it energizes my sexual energy. Yes. Yes. Genleavia. yeah, I could not choose

So do not make me do so no, I said I wasn't you said not yet that was so two minutes ago Don't listen to me. No, I do listen you change your mind all of the time True I understand the nature doth grow and change at all moments and that I cannot expect you to be constant Nor that I can expect you to be faithful, nor can I expect you to be present in my life on a daily basis But yet I love you nonetheless and I accept you as you are. On the astral play between 12 and 4 AM, I am completely devoted to you. So you will take all of the pertinent information that you just sent back. Three or four of those lines.

Fine, I take it all back. You sonor, I know you can just be there, you know, between 12 and four for some astral play, but you, you gotta, you know, who are you in the morning? Thank you. I- Yeah, I think, actually, maybe this broken man can help us with our relationship because I would like to move forward. I would like to move forward as well. I look 14 centuries in the future and I see maybe, maybe, a strangement.

Even a broken man is right once, one time twice a day. Well, do you have a... That took a while to get out, huh? I already was right once. And, generally, if I'm hearing you right, I mean, it seems like, you know, you have sex with whatever in nature and need sex. You know, you get-

That's my job. Yeah, you get naughty by nature, but I feel like you should or just needs to accept that. It sounds like there's some jealousy that you're being a little green. It really is! When I specialized in the halls of Turokos, you said, oh, go for us. That sounds like a good specialty. And now, I'm sensing a little bit of maybe some physical, and you're absolutely right, Bajor. Oh, my name is Chuck. Yes, thank you so much. I mean, whatever you want to call me as long as- And now I'm sensing a little bit of maybe some physical and you're absolutely right, Badger.

Oh, my name is Chant, yes, thank you so much. I mean, whatever you want to call me as long as... We will have sex later and then we'll figure out. Oh, that would be amazing. And just to answer what I think your question was going to be earlier, what would I change into if I had sex with Geneva? I think it would be a mother fucking hero. I mean, I think I'd be...

I don't have to change it to anything. Oh no, no, I will just scale my body to the size of you and we will... That would be amazing. That's how my magic works. Thank you so much. That's so courteous. It really is. To scale your body to have sex with someone. That is as nice as it gets. That's as good as it gets.

What, would you have a problem with that, you store? Of course. You would? It is different. And of course it is difficult for me and I've come to accept it. I admit that in some ways though I am a divine demigod made flesh. The Thai feel some jealousy. For I do covet those who are able to receive thine love all times.

It's so hard to know what the healthy thing to do in this situation is. Like on the one hand, this is who she is. This is who she is. This is what she does. This is my special tape. Now listen, I would not have any kind of relation where you two request it with this badger, but I do sense that he does not have a lot of self-esteem. He is not respected by his peers. I see an imbalance in his aura, and I could only provide my magic to maybe balance that emotional imbalance out. I understand, I do not want you to change. But I do wish that we could find more time together to spend quality time. What would you do?

What say I were available two, three more days of the month? Yeah, we use it or what would you do? Go into specifics. If we had two to three more days a month. Yes, we would gather a party of dwarves and elves and men, the strongest warriors and all the land. And we would, we would go part way out of the question and we you could go and then we'd like stay put and then you'd come back later in the month when you had those two three days again and we continue on our quest. I and we would go all the way to that dark fortress of the dark lord.

And you and I side by side would hold hands as we did slay him. Wait a second. Did you just turn our date into a work date? Oh, damn. Ugh. Chunt? Yes? Yes.

Get naked now. I already am. I mean, let me pull out some toughs of fur. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I get it. Jen leave you this is what she does is who she is. You said or he's conflicted about what to do about it Jenna you shouldn't want to have sex with your buddy's girlfriend You know I didn't end that I saw her face and it's so mountainous and so no there's so many peaks and balance Imagine stroking the crags. I mean there's very shot some of them if I don't oil it with a little bit of a ho-ho-ba I want to stroke the crags. John I want to stroke the crags. John goons before puns, okay? Honald one. I hate you for saying that

It's alright, you're right, too. You misunderstood Goons before poons Really? That's where rhymes I don't know saying here. I know Let's be clear. I don't know if this has ever happened on the show before but you need to take a walk Okay, go take a walk. All right. I will walk out. Okay. All right. I'm gonna know if this has ever happened on the show before, but you need to take a walk. Okay. Go take a walk. Alright, I will. Walk out. Good bye. Alright, I'm gonna take a walk about.

Think about what you said. I was in the middle of a numbered list, but I suppose. No, please continue. No, the second thing I was going to say is I did appreciate him sticking up for me. Although he was misguided and the way he went about it, if a chunt can't help but be in chunt anymore then Genleviere can help be in Genleviere and I see now the air of my ways I've been too drawn into my work and too distracted from my love and if you may allow it I would like to amend my answer to your previous question. I would be open to hearing

alternative plans. If I were to be granted a mere two extra days with you, Pum, on these two days, we would ride a gondola down the streams of Teleth Power. And then, once we arrived at the forest of Glenpoo, we would spend 48 hours holding each other, caressing one another, kissing each other gently upon the cheeks. Any animals that did come near us would be healed by the magical wonder of our quitters. Could be, it would be magical. Yes.

Physical and... And then, at the end of that 48 hours, I would suddenly and unexpectedly turn into a loaf of trowel bread. Oh! Oh! You touch my buttons, as no one does. All right, you said, or... I will refrain from having it a course with your friend. Oh, man.

He will remain low-servist, and not respected by anyone around him. And I will accept this proposal. The best part is, you don't have to not have sex or chunt. Oh, thank you. Sweet, but I don't want to anymore. Oh, fair enough. That makes sense. Hey, I'm sorry. I was just walking by and I swear I heard someone say you touched her buttons.

Oh. I'm gonna walk away again. I'm really glad you came back for that. Worth it? I'm gonna go on another walk. You know, uh, Chunt. In the halls of Tragas, I did have a brief fling with uh, spin-tax.

Ooh. And similarly, we had to work through some issues or use a door and I, but to be honest with you, since I saw him, uh, at the first day of school, I knew that he and I were intertwined. He's so wise. That's wonderful. And despite his sometimes occasional bad breath

and bluster that will not stop, I do find him to be enticing. I have been described as blow-in-exit. Well, if your Turok is Hall of Sweetheart, I don't want to break that up. Yes. But you know, I do know a nympho too that could maybe affect, they could affect your imbalance in a small way. I'll just need three or four of human children to sacrifice and bring them through.

Okay. Great. So if you could arrange for, I don't know, a three or four year old dude. Whoa! Hey, sorry, I'm sorry. I know. Look, I went on a little walk and I heard, but I heard you guys are talking about more child death. Hey, that happens, but I heard you guys are talking about more child death

Hey, that happens, but I don't approve of it. No child death on this show Well, I am the mistress of nature and nurture so you cannot do anything to me. I'll just I'll just turn you into dust Well, she will too. Oh, okay. Well, you can be as dust in the wind. Oh, it would I could conjure a wind and it would be Yes, yeah, gust him away. Oh, it would, I could conjure a wind and it would be, yes. Yeah, gust them away. Well, look, I, I still gotta take a stand. That means that I'm gonna get obliterated. Are you gonna actually take a stand? Because that would count as a step. We, we can do it right after the shit. Well, listen, I don't, um, it's Arnie, but yeah, I don't like that one. I think that if you are going to take away the second opportunity, me having intercourse or

summoning nymphs with three or four children of the preschool age, you have to go into the forest and find the special mushroom that will be able to fix Chan's problems because really he cannot go on like this. You cannot be the king of the badgers. I mean, you are a weak weak man. Thank you. That's how I feel. But I think inside of you, you have potential.

Yeah, I feel like, here's how I feel. I feel like I'm think inside of you you have potential. Yeah, I feel like, here's how I feel. I feel like I'm the king and I feel like I'm like walking around and everyone's like, oh, we love your clothes and I'm like, I'm not wearing any clothes. But I feel like everyone's just kind of pretending that I'm some sort of emperor with fresh clothes. And then a small child is like, backing his naked and everyone's like, oh my god, he's naked in front of this child, and then they rest you. Is that not illegal in your world?

It is illegal. I'm got confused by my own metaphor. Anyway, so go into McShingle Feng Cheng Forest, and find there will be a golden mushroom on the night of the fourth whole moon. And don't eat, last week you ate a mushroom that just made you bigger. We don't need that again, okay? Until I hit you and then you shrunk back down the normal size, don't eat the mushroom that makes you bigger. We don't need that again, okay?

It's like I hit you and then you shrunk back down the normal size. Don't eat the mushroom that makes you bigger. You don't need that. No, it's gold. It has to be defecated on by four or five golden elk. Oh, wow. Yes, in order to produce.

I have a journal there. There's a lot. I need just a right for that. Okay, you can have a journal here. Okay, thank you. Don't put any thoughts in it. I don't want to hear them. I have very few.

Okay, I'm in a direction. I'm in a direction. I'm going to go find this stuff. No, no, you're going to bring it back to me and I want a portion of it and then. I don't want to hear them. I have very few. Okay. I'm in a direction. I'm in a direction. I'm in a direction. I'm in a direction. I'm going to go find this stuff. No, no, no, you're going to bring it back to me and I'll make a portion of it and then we'll feed it to Chantin. Alright. Yeah, okay. Perfect. I'll go find this stuff and you guys are just going to have to do emails. They should meet me when I wrap up the show first. I will, Chant, Arnold is gone and now is the time when we normally read email.

That's the best thing we normally read email. That's the best that thing was ever gone. It's a great introduction. He has such heft to his voice. It really is. Yeah, absolutely. And it's the peak of coitus. And it was quite a thing.

It's very, it's hefty, hefty, hefty. And I feel like Arnie says, Winby, Winby, Winby. I said, what, what, what, what, what, would you have an email? Would you like to read? Yes, I have an email here. This is from Nika Feston.

This is to chunatjima.com, chunatjima.com with 60s. Says, Hail Badger King. Hello, Your Highness. I'm so hooked with this podcast. I'm only on the 65th episode and I really hope you don't die. I don't. There's out. You do not. I also wanted to say something to my fellow earth people who keep saying bad things to Arnie.

Fuck you guys back. Oh, somebody stood up for Arnie. I'm glad he's not here to hear that. It really is. I might have murdered her. That might be an email first. What's a great nut to tell Arnie about that? I love the three of you. PS, I'm still halfway through memorizing all of you

Sidore's names. Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Oh, look, there, there's one on Arnold's phone too. Why don't you read it? I lift this contract. Oh, what a... how dense and... Oh, evil, dark magic. Yes, clearly.

A lot of dark magic. This is from a shenny Hoffman um hey Arnold and Chuchu heart so sorry to hear about you so does entirely demai what oh I was dead for a little while but I you didn't know you should call you should astro blame to me why would you not tell me that you're not dead yeah I was I was trapped in the stone of asrael. What again? Yes, I know. I'm sorry I oh she didn't know your ass better call somebody next time that happened Sorry, I you have no idea how to navigate a mature relationship. You need to add listen to this Yeah, their relationship is gonna degenerate. All right. All right. I'm alive. It's fine. Everything's fine

We'll talk about this later. You- we will. Yes, we will. I don't really know how things in Foon work as I live in Washington, D. See, and I am no expert. And do you have guys have necromancers? I'll bet. If you can find some of the copious amounts of blood you so do has been collecting, you can make a decent sacrifice, again not an expert in the laws of dark magic. Do not give the Necromancer your own blood! They will own your soul!

That's true. Oh, Necromancer's other words, they leave hikis and you're just like, stop romancing my neck. This earth person knows a lot about necromancers. I suspect that Shenny is really not what she sees. Ooh, very possible. Uh, destroy this email after Ermin, I do not like this. She leaves, uh, there is a small, yellow man here with little jazz heads. Who is that man?

Look, after the hug's exclamation point. Is that Candle Wizard? Oh, I like terrifying. Oh, Candle, do you know Candle? Yeah, we have an important, he is the worst. Right? Oh. You know, Ken. Yeah, we have unfortunately. He is the worst. Right? A news fest. Of all the people in Turokos, I would not do anything with him.

Yeah. Study Hall, I would call in with shingles. Any kind of bubonic plague, excuse to not be his study partner. Yeah, enough. What's going on in here? Oh! Oh, Ken. Oh.

Have you been here the whole time? I believe I have. Forever and ever. But also... Never. Oh. What? Why are you rhyming all this? Is that your thing?

Is the worst. No, it's just more of this confusing. He's alive all the time and none of the time. There are so many of them and all of them are irritating. Right. I'm sorry, I'm just passing through. I just wanted to say you totally would you totally would you totally do me But don't worry about it. You probably have this you probably have at some point and I've forgotten not one version I've forgotten but I'm sure it's happened. Nobody likes you, dude

He's really awful. I would I would have 50 spin taxes. Yeah. Before even sharing a plate of spaghetti with you, Ken. To be honest, soda. What? Yeah, sorry. The Blue and Yellow team don't love it anymore. Just please move along. Or tell us a story that might make a sympathetic to you.

What, you... Yeah, we'll give you one shot. Tell us the story that makes us sympathetic towards you Well as you know, I am a master of time in space and I have lived so long that I have wrapped around the time of food numerous times So I have met myself many times Is that a masturbation joke? It sounded like it. Yes, you have me. I that doesn't make me that doesn't make me sympathetic I'm going to go into the woods and look at my genitals It sounded like it. Yes, you have me. That doesn't make me, that doesn't make me sympathetic. Absolutely no sympathy. I'm going to go into the woods and look at my genitals. Oh, boy. I hope he doesn't run into that Arne guy,

because that combination might actually kill the whole horse. Yes, yes. We're going to think they'd be best friends. Here I have one more email. One more email. Okay, this is from Jesse Perrier. Thank you, dear Arne Chent and you, Sador, Yay! I accidentally stumbled upon your podcast a couple months ago, and some change ago,

and since then, my whole family has been infected with it. Oh my gosh. Oh, how sad. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry to hear you're infected. He murdered people. Congratulations. But it was infected, it does not mean they had necessarily dead. They might just be six.

They're dying. You should have sex with their family. No, I'll just have a push, and I'll send it over. Give me an address. I think my mom is on her third time through and my brother 13 hasn't quite caught up yet Wow, what a huge that's a strange name for a boy 13. Yeah, I yeah, that is a strange name for boy I just wanted to say a huge thank you to all of you for bringing you to the back by sheer willpower and probably magic You see I missed you so much. Sorry Arnie and Chant. Also thanks for the excessive weirdness you brought to my family. PS Arnie keep your chin up buddy. I'm sure Chant used to do our only mean because they love you. That is true. I love Arnie so much.

I adore him. He's my best friend and I am mean to him because I love him. I love him like a nephew. Yeah. I'm apathetic. Fair enough. Like a nephew. Yeah, I'm apathetic fair enough I just I you know you said or I cannot get over all these people They don't really know you and yet they were able to be informed about this this horrible thing that you went through that you didn't even You didn't even send me a note you didn't ask for a plane you didn't send them a crow or an eagle no no no Buddy told me I So sorry. Oh, so sorry, please I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, please. I'm so betrayed.

I was embarrassed. You see, before I was trapped in the Stone of Israel, I became a vampire a little bit. It's a whole thing. What? Yeah, I know. I was embarrassed. It was embarrassing for a wizard to be turned into a vampire.

It is, it is unattractive. It is one of the lesser. I mean, even though the vampires do call me, beyond say blood-lusted, formation! Oh, is he coming back? Oh, human actors goofing with their friends around a table, the panic they're going to feel when their forties hit. Usador the lighter blue was played by Matt Young. Chunt, the king of the badgers, was played by Adel Raphai, who's either never seen the

loveboat or chose to leave his friend exposed invulnerable. Generally, the other ed was played by special guest Felicia Day. Felicia is the author of the best-selling memoir you're never weird on the internet, almost. And we'll be starting in the revival of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 next year. Yes, a very accomplished performer, cornered into talking about magical poops. Keep a spot on the shelf free for that Peabody award. Can the wizard were really crediting this like it's a different character?

Was played by Arnie Nikamp, who says that Kevin Spacey online acting course doesn't work wonders. Well, Craig, that's all the sass I can pump out. Care to finish up? Oh great, Craig again. What would we do if Craig didn't read the outro stuff? Trisha, I forgot you were here on the space station with us. And now I'm actively forgetting again.

Craig, could you please? Sure thing. A low-from-the-magic tavern was produced by Arnanie Camp, Evan Jacoba, and Ryan D. Georgie. This one edited by Chris Rathjinn, music by Andy Poland, logo by Allert LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistants by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at alo from themagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op, and of course, thanks to Your Wolf.

Exciting news, Magic Tavern is part of San Francisco's Sketch Fest coming up on January 29th. We'll be performing with Michael Hitchcock, so if you're in San Francisco, if you can get to San Francisco, get your tickets to Sketch Fest. Right now at sfsedgefest.com. I was actually kind of hoping that maybe I could go.

So who knows, maybe you'll see me there if we can get me down to Earth just temporarily, even just temporarily would be. Would be great. What do you think, oh, he left. Okay, great. and