Hello From The Magic Tavern - 9 - Goblins

Episode Date: April 30, 2015

Now that the Vermilion Minotaur allows goblins on Sundays, I can have a few on the podcast. I still don't really know the difference between goblins and orcs. Is it horns? I'll find out today!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungInta and Nerf: Marla Caceres and Eddie PiñaOtok Barleyfoot: Nick BaerMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real, but it is really sponsored by Cards Against Humanity. They asked us not to read an ad. Enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. Hi, I'm your host Arnie Neekamp, I'm from Earth, and if you haven't heard the podcast before, a little over a month ago I fell through a magical portal behind a burger king into this land called FUN and luckily I'm getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the burger king

I guess through like a tiny crack in the riff the dimensional riff that's still there and so I'm hosting a weekly podcast in the Vermilion Minotaur a tavern in the town of Hogface in the land of Foon. As always, my two co-hosts are with me, Chunt and Yusador. Why don't you guys introduce yourselves? You just did. I did. I am Yusador, a wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Turakis. The ill's nomias Fying Yolk.

The dwarves nomias Z zoning, who's dangerous, stop saying who is tank, and I'm no to northesis gasmwaynus-based star, and there may be other names that you do not know yet, for there's great power in the words that leave my mouth, for they can form any sort of thing that I desire by just saying a thing, I can make it sometimes, or manipulate it or change it. I lost the train of thought on that one. So Chant, I haven't seen you all week. We're not living together anymore. Chant, I know Chant's up with that.

I've been, it's now that I've been staying in the Vermilion Minotaur, I miss, you know, I know sometimes we, go, you're about to say it. Finish that thing as you miss. I was gonna say, sometimes I know we have a little bit of a combative relationship, but I genuinely miss you. I miss you too.

I miss you buddy. I miss you. What's going on? Chunts up with you. Is that what I say that right? You said that right. Yes. I went on another date.

Oh, but please tell me you didn't go to make up. Would you go to make up? Point, I'm trying to give that a little break. I was trying to pick up a monster, a heal monster. A heal monster? A beaded lizard. Uh- lizard. We have those in my world. Okay. Well this isn't about you right now. Her and some of her friends who are around a carcass and they're sort of picking at it, trying to eat that and I came up and was like hello, I'm chant, on chante, which is in food, that means enchanted.

Really? In what language is then? In Fune's. In Fune's? And so I was trying to hit on this Heel Monster and try and get something going. And some of her friends were just like, get out of here. You know how there's always two bigger friends who are like, get out of here.

Yeah. So I struck out. Oh, so it did not get very far. Obviously, I'm still a badger, so it did not get very far at all. Well, just because we're having an engagement, the act of coitus is not me, you've not begun a relationship. If a relationship is just sexier than perhaps,

maybe that's part of the problem. It could be. You gotta learn to love yourself. I couldn't tell if he was making kissy noises or bleeding his mouth. No, he's just bleeding my pipe. You should start on a look at me. You should actually have a question about your pipe. Yes. You smoke this, what is it that you're smoking, first of all?

Pipede. Pipede? Pipede? Yes, of course. Now, I've noticed that the smoke usually takes like sort of an evocative form, like an eagle or a dragon. Oh, yes. Is that something that the pipe weed does or are you doing that?

Well, of course, it's me. I'm Wizard if I'm thinking about you know a healer monster. Oh That's what you look like. Yeah, that is pretty good for she's wearing lipstick though I have to admit I'm kind of impressed. So if I took a pipeweed smoking yes Would I I would not be able to do that no you might be able to make a ring Some people can make rings which is Impressive, but not for a wizard. Yeah

Do you have pipe weed in your world? I mean we have different smokeables Some things are legal to smoke in our world. Some things are illegal to smoke in our world for your own good And I suppose the burger king has put down this dictate this law Say and do not smoke for the king of lawyers and I I'm just gonna say yes. I'm just gonna say yes Let you know what I feel we should get to our guests another week in a row. We have an actual magical Our a guest magical. You, how, every week, every single week,

we just spoke about the magical musings of my pipe weed, and then you insult me by saying that you've brought on someone magical. You have a sheep's shifter and a wizard every week. Every single week. See you for who we are, man. You're right, I'm sorry. Anyway, I would love to get to know our two guests, Einta and Nerf, who are goblins, actual goblins.

Yes, yes, we are goblins by birth. Yeah, I'm so excited. Now I know, I guess, until recently goblins weren't allowed in the Vermilion Minotaur, only recently the enchantment that keeps you out has been lifted on Sundays. Exactly, which is great because Sundays are day off. It's our day off.

That's great. This is nice. I don't know. I guess I generally know what a goblin is. You know, you're sort of squat green creatures. But I don't, I sometimes, and I'm so sorry, this is going to sound really uneducated. I don't know what the difference between a goblin and an orc is.

Oh, or a troll. Well, there's differences. Yes, there's differences. And we can't inter-marry if that's the next question. Coming out of your mouth. No, we can't do that either. Okay, I see. Now in YouTube, but YouTube, are married?

Yes, we are married. That's so exciting. I feel like I haven't really met any married people with living spouses here in Fune yet. Well, we just got married. So you don't know what could happen in the next couple of minutes, sir. Oh, no.

The next week, life is a little brutal here in Fune. It seems like people can die very quickly. Very quickly. That's a different life for sure. I believe Lady Burbin was married many times. Oh yeah, many many times, but what does... Are they still around? Oh no, he murdered them all.

No! Yes. Please, in the future, let me know in advance if I'm booking a guest that is unknown murder, unknown multiple murders. I don't understand the workings of this show that you put on on so I didn't know that we weren't supposed to have murderous Okay, that's good to know so einta and nerf let me tell me what you're what your life like. What is a goblin's life like? We have 17 beautiful kids. Whoa. Yeah, 17 is that a lot or normal for a goblin? That's about normal. That was just one litter, right? Yeah, that was just one litter.

So it is normal. Goblins are an amorous people. Okay, you guys don't touch each other so much. To my heart. And did the whole litter make it? Was it 17 originally? Originally, I had 18 and a half. Oh.

Yes, I lost one and a half. That's still a pretty good surprise. It's a prize and a half one. I've got one. No, no. Oh, they were connected. It was one and a half. That's still a pretty good surprise. It's a prize in the half one. They were connected. It was one and a half goblin child. The gestation period is very long. It's a month for each.

So I was... With some basic math, we could figure out how long it was. 18 and a half months of a pregnancy. 18 and a half months of a pregnancy. Oh, yeah. It's a real basic math. It's really more counting than math. It's true. It's the prayer point. That's true. So what is a goblin wedding like? Oh it's a huge celebration. It's a big it's a big hoodoo. There's a lot of food. There's a lot of dancing, a lot of music,

a lot of fights, a lot of blood, some murders, some goblins come back to life. Oh wow, that's good. Yes, we do have that. We do possess that ability. Is it hard to like cater a goblin wedding because you don't know between the deaths and the coming back to life, how many people are going to eat, times two, always times two? Always times two.

Goblins are also very rude and often RSVP and then don't show up. Or they just show up. But hopefully in the end it all evens out. Only many run out. A few human guests and probably a few shape changes, a few elves, something, you know. They work to self out. The shapeshifters are the artists want to deal with

because they can start the evening one way, meet someone, and then, by the end of the night there's something different. Have you ever gone to an event as a horse and then ended the event as a, I don't know, a go for our song? One time I went to a wedding as a scorpion. I slept with a vampire, but on my way home, I ran into another scorpion and couldn't resist it. Ah. I really?

So within about a three hour span I was a scorpion vampire back to scorpion. But I thought it took like a fortnight for you to change forms. There's exceptions. Ah well I don't want to talk about it. Vampires, vampires, there's also a great sort of around that. Classic vampire exception. Well yes. Yeah of course, no that's not what they meant.

Do you not believe me? Cause the way. I mean, as long as I've known you, you've Yeah, of course. No, that's all they make. Do you not believe me? Cause the way... I mean, as long as I've known you, you've been a badger. I'm not just a talking badger, okay? I am a shapeshifter. Okay, I know I believe you. And you know what?

I gotta be honest. Like, I know it's important for you. You want to find somebody and move on and change forms. But I'm kind of not looking forward to you not being a badger. You, I mean, this is the face, the badgery face that I know well you don't know shapeshifters is all of us do what they do always retain some element of their face that was recognizable so you still know it's chun even when he turns to a cow or a goblin or a goblin oh no are you into that sort of thing? Well, I think I know your sisters are you into is your sister?

Yes, and auntie are yeah, yes, and auntie are yeah, oh You're just as beautiful. Oh, thank you. My sisters have larger horns. I've always been a little Yeah, I'm more of a bugger I'm more of a bubukka. Okay. This is a little... I mean, really the size of the horn is less important than sensitivity. How sensitive the horn is?

Yes. Some creatures will enhance their horns. Yes. I think you're getting a big set of horns and then how's that done? Just out of curiosity. I don't want to go into detail. I've got some clay molded around the horn. It's time to dry it out so it looks natural.

It looks like the key is to dry it out honey. You got it. So how did you guys meet? Well, there are several ways you can start relationships in the goblin community. One is you can visualize your ideal partner. No. And that partner will sprout out of your own body.

Oh wow, that's convenient. Very convenient. The only danger with that is if you don't know yourself too well, you could sprout someone who's not very good for you. Yeah, did one of your kids attempt to visualize, was that the one and a half? No, that was just a horrible birth defect. Thanks for bringing it up. Oh, thank you very much. So let's fix that on the... We named him. Stillborn child. We named him as well. So did you, one of you, visualize the other or is there... I, uh, I visualized many partners that were not right for me.

I didn't know myself yet. So what happened? So if you visualize a partner and they come out of you and they're not good, you kill them. Oh. You kill them. Yes. It's best to end it immediately. Immediately.

You don't want to get your heart broken. That's true. I guess if you don't kill them, then you know you're always sort of like going back to the relationship and drags them. And that is one major difference between Goblin's Norse. The orcs cannot visualize their own mates. They, they mate in a much more traditional way that you would understand as a human. But another thing that differentiates them is that they are the servants

of evil. Orcs are the most terrible and ugly, disgusting creatures that have been wrought upon this food. So orcs are evil, yes yes but goblins are well goblins can be well just like else can be the humans can be the anyone can be orcs can be evil too but i've known a pretty bunch of solid orcs i don't think so probably not i mean you said or is kind of he's a wizard he's kind of old you know i'm a bit of a generational thing where he just can't accept that

Orcs aren't evil. Is that what we're dealing with? Well, orcs are evil. They're made and then enhanced by the dark lord to carry out his evil deeds. That's what they do. See, I'm not I'm new to this world So I have no idea whether the things Yusudor says are literally true or just crazy old man racist right now. I dare you. There's a little bit of both there. I mean, yeah, there are orcs that are bad orcs.

Sure. But you can't judge all orcs them on just one bad orc. Wow. All right, Grapple. You know what, let's take a quick break and let's refresh our drinks. And while we do that, I'm sure I hope we have sponsors on Earthside for this podcast, but I don't really know anything about that because I can't really have a hard time accessing

the internet from here, but we do have a sponsor on the foodside of this podcast. And so let's hear a little bit from Otock Barleyfoot, the owner and proprietor of the Vermillion Minotaur. And we'll be back in just a minute. Come to the Vermillion Minotaur. So, these day night, open mic night, Torin's day, is chunt night, who's he talking to Arty? And we've got Rooster Feed on Special and Barley Wine by the Gobletful Vermillion Minotaur, home of Arnie's podcast. That should get some people in.

Has anyone seen Activity? My daughter is missing. And we're back. Thank you so much, Otaka, Barleyfoot. We haven't really talked about this yet, Einta and Nerf. You haven't really been allowed in the Vermilion Minotaur until very recently. Yeah, I think we're the first goblins to be allowed in. There's an old rift between elves and goblins,

and Otock being half-elf. Yeah, it has some prejudice, unlike myself. Do you guys find that you are frequently not allowed in places or is it just like an L-fish all the time? It's a standard thing throughout food, yes. There's an underground goblin economy, underground goblin entertainment business. Don't you guys live underground? Yes, yes, but it's further underground.

Further underground. We just have to make our own society in order to thrive because we're cast out of right. Yeah, we're not attractive. We're very amorous especially in public. Yeah, please guys. attractive. We're very amorous especially in public. Yeah, please guys stop talking. That is us. That is un... I've noticed nerf that you found some clay during the break. I did. This is very fresh. Just sculpt your wife's horns.

Yes. Digging them bigger. Well, I found some really good ones. It's difficult because my horns... They're still lactating because I'm still... Oh, they're saying that. Oh, I guess that makes sense. Yeah, it's not drawing.

Would anyone be interested in some goblin milk? Is that a thing? Should I be? I mean, I take something for a potion I'm working on. Please. I should probably say no. I'm trying to be open to my experience here. Easy on that please

Don't damage the merchandise Looks like hurt no You'd ever like more please I have Excuse me, I go punch the horn, you ever heard that? No. Well, I guess I know something. So you guys have an underground entertainment industry, you said? Entertainment industry, yes. Before the children, and just not having a lot of time,

Nerf was a very well-known dancer. Oh, yeah, it's true. Oh, just enough of that. And that is how we do it. If we had some music, would you dance? Maybe we could sing seven Dragons in a baby? I do have to probably. Yeah, all right. Oh, well cheers. And Bob, you're the way. Seven dragons there were. And there was a baby.

That's all that really nimble for a goblin really moves the spin the little eggs on that that is a far moment it's a beautiful and painful looking at the same time i didn't warm up yeah and i'm open to one day be able to dance here but i understand that there's rules oh you should do it on Chunchnight.

Chunchnight? I still don't understand what happens on Chunchnight. Well you'd have to come. If you want to, can you lift this ball on a Tuesday to have? Certainly of course. I'd love to have you for Chunchnight. It's just like a variety show. Oh, but there's Mark to a Thinner. So if you wink, I don't, I think I'm not going to show up. I said before I'm not coming in the time. Well you live here now, I will get straight. I'm gonna have to make a point here. You'll hear it. You'll hear it.

I have to go well. The sounds you hear in Tai Su downstairs. Yeah, we'll see about that. So you used to be a dancer. So what do you guys do now? Well, we both work in the mine. In the Goblin mine. Mining coal and mining.

There's a variety of minerals. Diamonds, quartz. Wow, so pretty important work for the land of firm, like getting these resources. Yet we are only allowed in here on Wednesdays. It's on Sundays, pardon. Wednesdays is the other tabernet. What is the other tabernet town?

Should I check out the other tabernets? Oh, the smoldering widow. The smoldering widow. Yes. So much less, how do you say it? Repeatable? Yeah, much less reputable. Exactly. It sounds less reputable. Yes, exactly. All sorts of dark dealings go on in the smoldering widow. The buffet is pretty good though. Yes, they do have good food. I'm not going to lie about it's a 4 a.m. Pub so it gets a little slow Yeah, yeah, I feel like this is my place. This is where I go to hang my hats everyone here knows my name That's true when you walk in people yell usador usador Then I yell it yeah, then I y'all and then you go through your full name. Oh, yes They just say usador's if that's the only part of my name when I come in they should say usador

Wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephesians master of light and shadow manipulate of magical lights devour of chaos Trappian of the great halls of Tarakas the elves nobius fying ye alike the doors nobius zone in Who's dangerous then I know in the North East is gasmuinus may saw. And then there are even secret other names you may not know yet for that info of power. Great power to get up. I feel like if there were secret other names, he would not hesitate to say. I think he's perhaps his name is so powerful. I cannot speak to them. Arnie, are you married?

I am. I am married. I have a wife and a child. I just recently had my first child one child. Just one child. I'm so sorry. No, no, no, no, that's a good thing actually Yeah, and my world it's very common to just have one child at a time and if you have more than one at a time It's actually scary

So yeah, it's intimidating to have more than one at a time So one child and she's she's healthy and beautiful. I'm really sad that I haven't seen her in over a month Basically, but yeah, my wife and my child are In earth and hopefully before too long. I'll be able to did you visualize your wife and grow her out of your body I don't know what what about her orange. You know what a human woman don't have one I know I know, but you know what? I know. I know, but you know what? That's not going to be no more!

You spilled my drink. I'm sorry about that. Let me get you another thing. So, now that you are well, now that you have these 17 kids and you're newly married, like, how? What's ahead for you guys? Little boy.

Well, grow our family, obviously. Right, yeah. You know, maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get back to dancing one day. Oh, I think you could. I don't know. I think you could I don't I think you could I'd have said out of mind. You're still young. You're only D5 did you guys have a honeymoon? Oh, yes, we did. Oh, yeah. Oh, where did you go?

Well, we went to the lake. Yes, we just went to the lake Is there only one lake in Foon? Yes, it's the what it's called the lake. It's just called the lake. Everything normally has such florid names. I'm surprised that it's just called. I guess if there's a like one, I'm sorry, our geography disappoints you. I mean, you like to have two. We've got hundreds of thousands of lakes. Thousands of lakes. Lake Erie, lakes appear. Lake Michigan, lake, Lakes. Lake Eerie, Lake Superior, Lake Michigan, Lake... He sound like a big man. He can make us to me.

I already named 100 more and take one second per lake. And with a little bit of math, we can figure out how many seconds that'll take. The Great Sunder Takes. Yeah, 100 seconds. All right, I've literally, I really, I really thought. I'm counting. What are some of the things that you guys did

at the lake on your honeymoon? We played with horns. Played with horns. We played a lot of many, many times. We played a lot of many times. Did a little bit of light reading. What did you read? I'm currently working my way through the Elven dictionary.

Wow, does it just learning Elvish words? Do you want to learn to speak Elvish? I believe so. I'd like to be an interpreter eventually. Wow. It's good to work. Raging that divide between Elven Godloord. Wow, that's really very like inspiring, actually.

Thank you. Is there anything that I can do to help goblin elf relations? Probably not. That's fair. We have college students come all the time to food and think they could just mend something over a long weekend.

Yeah, sure, I mean, I think you've got my number 100%. Stop staring at her horn. It's just there's all like the delay. There's clay and milk. It's not drawing because of the milk, but this would be ideal for me. Okay, stop and you're like practically. Just relax, if it's bothers you, just look away. I'm starting to feel like the reason the gavelins are allowed in here has nothing to do with you, Elvis, singing your evil.

It's very kind of a, it's a very public display, like more than just affection. Okay, that's, I don't know. No need to see all this. I'm seeing, I know, more than BDA, it's literally like this penetration going on. Come on. Well, I'm just going to watch, I just need to see penetration going on. All right. Come on. Well, I'm just going to watch. I just need to say something. Okay.

I'm done. That's not as bad as I thought. I did last that long. That's a good, that's a plus. Whoa. So thank you so much, Inta and Nerf for being on the podcast. It's been a real pleasure for the most part

to learn about your culture. I thank you. Thank you for allowing us in here one day out of the week. You know, I'll talk to O-Talk about that. That's really his. That's really his. But I have, I feel like I'm building a relationship with him in the Fornullian Minotaur

and this place is becoming a showcase for this podcast. So I think I'm- We have a name for that sort of thing in this world, Arnie. It's called synergy. Synergy, really. Yes. When certain elements all come together and work together in such a way, it is synergy.

Wow, we have that word in my words. Oh, you do. Yeah, that's fantastic. Arnie, if you missed the loving embrace of your one child, you're more than welcome to go underground and let my 17 feast off of your horn. Anytime you would like. I don't have a horn, I don't wanna.

You don't have a horn. I'm like, God, this is okay. I don't have a horn. I would like to meet your children at a safe space at some point with you guys around. The way you suggest said that, I just feel like they would not find my horn and they would just kill me.

We just tear me apart. Yeah, that sounds about right. That sounds about right. I was worried for a second as it came out of my mouth, I'm like, this sounds like an awful thing to say about someone's children, and I'm glad that you're cool with it. No, but I think you're a disgusting racist. I know you're, I think you are the racist one.

And in fact, that's a good segue into saying that, as always, I wanna encourage people to email us here at Magic Tavern at... Was that a good segue? That was a good segue. All right, go ahead. I wanna encourage people to email us at Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies.

It's the only email address I was able to get. It is real, I promise you, and email us and let us know whether you think I'm more racist or usador as more racist. Can I interrupt real quick? Just like I mentioned last episode, if anybody has any emails for me because I did have access to Arnie's laptop, you can email me at chunt. gmail.com.

That is chunt with six teas, chunt with 60s, email me pictures, thoughts, and I'll check it on Arnie's computer. I don't know how you got a Gmail address. You're gonna have to show me how you did that, so I can get an email that I feel like anyone will respond to. But anyway, we did get a couple emails from listeners, which is very exciting. Let's see here, here's one from Alex Isle-Hauer,

who wrote, wizards and magical lands often seem to have multiple names. How does that happen? Like you're walking along and you meet a dwarf and he asks, is your name, and instead of saying, you said, or, you just make up a totally different name? Why do that? That's right. It can't be to hide your identity

because you're telling us all your names on this podcast. Thanks, Alex Islehauer, or as I am known in the Northeast, Alex Islehauer. Well, he it he's he's in it's spot on when you meet to dwarf for the first time you have to come up with your dwarfish name your Elvish name for they they do have different languages and it just flows better in their language for a fan elf is speaking and I says jingad you believe, jage, you thought, you used a door, it sounds very bizarre. So now,

I understand most of that. Yeah, you've been studying Elvish. What did he just say in Elvish? He said, how are you doing today, my fine man? Oh, that's good. Say something, say like a test her knowledge of Elvish. Say like something that you wouldn't expect,

wizard to say. Oh, something you wouldn't expect, a wizard to say. Oh, something you wouldn't expect a wizard to say. How about a... She loud, give it a hand, she's sleeping. She's sleeping. She's talking. She's talking. Shank, don't push it, little.

Can't think and sleep. Simply do it. I finished. I finished. I changed my mind. I don't want to know what you're saying. That's fine. Half of it was very racist to me before.

Yeah, of course, I'm at Orcs, I'm imagining. Yeah, well, and to be fair, so that's why the name Fion Yalik does flow more easily off the tongue and elope. I see. We have another email from Rudra Banerjee. Who in any relation to this energy? Yes, I think so. He writes, my three-year-old Alice was listening and was curious if you said, or has any kids, this is a very child-centric episode. Has any kids? Also, she said,

chunt sounds nice and not a monster like that other guy. It's unclear if she means you are not. Like, she's a lot to unpack in this email. Yeah, so let's go through that again. So Rude just says, my three-year-old Alice was listening and was curious if you said, or has any kids. You said, or do you have any kids? I do not have any children now. Okay. Except for all the children of food,

for every man, woman, and child is under my care and it is my duty to protect them all from the evil thoughts and machinations of the dark, Lord. Thank you. Can I address all the kids that might be listening? Sure. I hope there are none. I hope Alice, I hope you're not listening.

Hey kids, Chuck here. Whenever you go to school or any sort of social setting, if you can, if you're a big fan of Chuck, just scream, Chuck. Oh, tough your lungs. Look and indulge in the eye and say, just scream chunt. Oh, tough you're lungs. Look an adult in the eye and say, hey, chunt, or possibly chunt's up with that. I guarantee you they'll put a smile on their face. Oh, no, please, if there are any, please no children.

Listen to this podcast. I feel like learning about food is not for the week of art. It's for adults. It's also very flattering to call someone a chunt. Yeah. Oh, good. That's good. also very flattering to call someone a chunt. Yeah. Oh good, that's good. Yes. Tip your head and say chunt.

OK, and then he seems to suggest that I might be a monster. All right, so thank you so much, guys. Thank you, Inta, and Nerf for being here. And hopefully I'll see, since I live here now, I'll see you on Sundays when you come in. And perhaps when it's time to take a nap. Oh, it's a day to nap.

And if you ever find yourself in the underground, please look us up. Yeah, I absolutely will. I definitely want to see more dancing. Oh, yeah. Let's do it. He. Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Oh, look at him. Oh, I'm chatin'. Now back up. Yes. Oh. Thank you.

Thank you, Grave. Oh, he's done. His wife is putting a cape over him. Oh, wait. Wait, he's not done. He's not done. He's not done. Whoa!

It seemed like he was so tired before he was done. He's worn out. Yeah. And that's it. We will now make love. Can you believe none of that really happened? Well, it didn't. So discontinue your letters and emails. How would I even receive them in this bunker and space trapped outside of the flow of normal

dimensional time? Or rather, my house on Earth, the only real place you need concern yourself with. Anyway, here are the human actor names which provide us with a sense of comfort and familiarity. Usador the Wizard was portrayed by perfectly ordinary human being Matt Young. Chant the talking badger as if such a thing could exist was played by Abel Rathai. Inter and Nerf the Goblins were played by special guests Marla Caceris and Eddie Pina. Get a load of this, Arnie, Matt, Adel, Marla and Eddie all performed together regularly in

the I.O. Chicago improv show World News Tonight. Imagine being involved in a show with all those people where you were the only one who didn't also get to perform in their wondrous news mockery program. How alone and angry would you feel? Oh yes, an otaku barley foot was played by Nick Bear. Maybe Nick and I will get a drink later. Produced by Evan Jacoba and Ryan DeGeorgie, edited by Ryan DeGeorgi, music by Andy Poland. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBam. Learn more about the show and how it's not real at hellofromthemagictavern.com or follow

us on Twitter at Magic Tavern. Do you like Facebook? No one does, but hello from the Magic Tavern has a Facebook page, with lots of evidence to prove that this show is not real. All of these fictionalized pretendings were brought to you by Cards Against Humanity, with the help of the Chicago Podcast Cooperative. Learn more about Cards Against Humanity at Cards Against Humanity.com. And the Chicago Podcast Cooperative at ChicagoPodcastCoop.com