Hello From The Magic Tavern - 94 - Sarah For Real

Episode Date: January 9, 2017

My name is Sarah Maher. And I'm trapped in the magical land of Foon. But I'm continuing this podcast with Chunt and Usidore.CreditsSarah: Sarah MaherChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungCan the Wizard: Arnie NiekampMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real. Enjoy the show! Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your new host, Sarah Maha. If you've never listened before, that's okay. You are doing great. Thank you. Sorry, Kiko. Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, I'm going to go back a little bit. Okay. I'm your new host, Sarah Maha. If you never listened before, that's okay. Neither have I. You know, I'm so glad that I wrote this down. Yeah. Because I wouldn't know what to do.

Oh yeah. Like, that's kind of like a mantra having life is like, if it's important right now. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's saved me so many times. That's fantastic. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, please. Okay. I'm your new host Sarah Maher If you've never listened to the oh, you know what yeah, I have terrible handwriting so I couldn't That's something terrible. That's beautiful. Are you kidding me? That's like calligraphy? Those amazing. Yeah Like please right, you know next year or my for my birthday invitations, please right, you know, I'll do that Yeah, wait, you know, next year for my birthday invitations, please, right, you know. I'll do that. Please, right, yeah. Wait, let me read that.

Work on it. I'm so excited to be on this podcast now. I'm so excited to be on this podcast now. This is so fun. This is a good idea. Okay, we gotta get through this. I'm your new host, Sarah Mahar. If you've never listened before, that's okay.

Neither have I, but apparently my new friend at the Talking Bedure can explain the rest. Yeah, I'm a shapeshifter. Not just a talking measure, but apparently my new friend the talking beger can explain the rest. Yeah, I'm a shape shifter, not just a talking beger, but for you I'll put that aside. But yeah, I will, I'll put, we'll pick up from there. So about a week ago, Sarah fell into, I don't know if she fell into a magical portal. If you just, I think you're just transferred here through, through magic. Dude, I just showed... Yeah. Into the fantastical land of FUN. And

Arte's equipment is still here, did not leave with him wherever he went, but Sarah's hosting a weekly podcast from the Vermilion Minotaur in the land of Hogsface in the world of FUN. So welcome. Thanks, and I mean to be perfectly honest. If it's a weekly podcast great, I hope this is, you know, I hope I'm not here forever because, you know, I gotta get back to Earth. But let's just keep doing this thing and maybe it'll reach somebody, you know? Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you never listen to the podcast? You know, I'm not a podcast person. Sure, sure. I like, um. Did you hear about it? Are people talking about it? Are people like, I don't, no.

No, they just say no. I think if you don't listen to podcasts, it's one of about it? Are people like, I don't know. They just say no. I think if you don't listen to podcasts, that's one of those things that you just like don't hear. Yeah. You're talking about. Okay. You know, like, you know, have you ever heard of like project runway? Yeah. Oh. I already talked about it all the time. Oh, he does? Okay, so that's weird. Yeah, what's a Tim Gun? Oh gosh, a Tim Gun is like, will you tell me? like you'll tell me are you kidding me? I love talking about earth stuff Oh my gosh, this is amazing. Okay, so a Tim gun is actually kind of a magical creature on earth There's only one of him and he's so sorry. I'm so sorry and we're joined as always

By our I am Usador Wizard of the 12th realm of a feces. Yes master of light and shadow Maybe later of magical lights The varer of chaos Master of past of the grass of mess Champion of the great halls of Trockus The Elzmi is feeing Yaluk The Dolves know me as Zonin who extinguishes And I'm known in the North East as gasmoneas Mastar

And it is my grand pleasure to introduce you to The new and improved Hello from the magic tavern You did not interrupt him once what's going on when he said May star I wanted to say Mazze star but me Okay, so Mazze star is like a mid 90s 1990s like the time period she's like a mid 90s singer Okay, we don't know where she is now like I sometimes Google her and I'm like, where's Mazy Star? And nothing comes out.

So she's like a 1990s Arnie. She's kind of disappeared? Yes. Yeah. Often there are people here and food who disappear, and it turns out they've been taken away by the spider men. What? The spider men?

Yes. There's been about, is there like three of them? I think there are five now. There's a new one coming soon that I'm looking forward to meeting. You know there's always a new one on earth. Okay guys, this is fun but we got to focus up okay. Yes, yes. So we've got a plan here. I have a plan. I saw the podcasting equipment. Let's make sure that this podcast gets out so that someone on earth can hear us. Know that I'm here and get me back. So, yeah,

so what do you know? That's exactly why Ani started the podcast, but then he just didn't seem to really give a crap about whether it actually hurt it. He's easily distracted. He's easily distracted, dude. You have been so active. I feel like it's been a task just to get us all in the same room because you have been like out doing quests and I feel like you've done so much in such a little time. I gotta be honest though, like if you're transported to a tiny like tavern, like you want to see what's outside, right? Like you want to get up and start walking and just use your feet and go to just like whatever is in the distance.

This week has been amazing. That afternoon with a music played and I taught you how to be an expert swordsman was incredible. I feel like I tapped into a part of myself. I didn't even know I had the closest I got to that was when I did like rhythmic Pilates at home. Oh yeah that was really nice. Okay so it's Pilates but instead of just like listening to like really sweet music you listen to like something like the beat on it like Honestly a little messy start right now. Wow That's what rhythmic is. I'm so sorry. What are Pilates Pilates? Oh Pilates are

They're almost like dance moves for dancers who are hurt and they're like oh, I can only move this way because I'm so hurt And but then they get like better by doing the moves and all of a sudden they're like, oh, I can only move this way because I'm so hurt. But then they get better by doing the moves and all of a sudden they're beautiful dancers again. I love learning about earth stuff. Oh, we forgot to check in our new segment. How far into getting the lunar sword are you? You're like 17 levels in or something? Yes, get this.

Okay, so I went in a couple of times like after my morning run. I went and I saw a clacks. And then I thought to myself like a couple of times, like after my morning run. I went and I saw a clacks. And then I thought to myself, like a couple of times, and like we just chatted and then I would keep going. The fourth time I went, I said, clacks, do you wanna come with me? And he was like, yeah, I'm not doing anything.

And he showed me how to get like 40 levels in. And I was like, why wouldn't I instill help? You're 40 levels in? I'm 40 levels in. I honestly, I because I was hungry and I just went back. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. You know what there's that tripping acid? Mm-hmm. Oh yeah.

Is that just water? I feel you know I don't know if I'm brave enough to find out but next time I go in I'll find out for you. I still think it's just water. Okay wait you guys we gotta focus up okay? Yes yes yes of course. Sorry so you are really keeping us on track and this is great. I'll find out for you. I still think it's just water. Okay, wait, you guys, we gotta focus up, okay? Yes, yes, yes, of course. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You are really keeping us untracked, and this is great.

No worries, yeah, okay. So here's the thing, I invited someone to join us, because I think they might help me, you know, figure out how to get back to Earth. Yes. Oh, yes. Have you guys heard of this guy, Can the Wizard? Motherfuck! Hello.

I am Canificent Dew Spring, Master of Space and Time, Headmaster of the Gilna preparatory school for young wizards. The elves did know me as Kanigan the ever-living. The elves do know me as Candle Dew Spice. This goes on for a while. Will know me as Candy Crowley. The dwarves did know me as Candy Heat. The dwarves do know me as canned heat, the dwarves do know me as canticleeboots,

and the dwarves will know me as canned bands, Grummaster, and well, it goes on for quite some time as my year. Now, Sarah, I have loved having you here this week, but there's no reason to bring in Can the Wizard when you have Yusudor here. For I already know how to get you back but I feared is too Dangerous for you see you and Arnold have been attracted to one another's nethes fears and you've swapped places Within food and earth and I could undo that spell and break that bond but I fear Arnold may then be lost in food You know, sir, you should never talk about the married couples nethes fears

See why I don't want this guy here. I get it. I get it But here's the thing remember when I told you guys about transformers. Yes The robots into skies the robots into skies remember that each car is a different part of the one robot You are the heart you said or can might be the brain of this huge robot and get me back to earth and I might be jazz I'm relatively certain that can is not the brain. I think I may be the brain I think he might be like the left leg best fine or like a pinky But we got to try I'm auditioning brains and so can is my first audition all right fine Yes, where like came all the way from jizz and not preparatory school to help in a way that I can.

And what have you prepared for your audition? What, have I prepared for my audition? Yeah, go ahead and come in to come over here. All right. I'm still so angry that they killed Optimus Prime. I know, I know buddy, I know. Maybe for your audition maybe something humerus, like a humerus spell, then maybe like a dramatic spell. Well, all right. I didn't know I was literally- Let me see both sides of your magic. All right, great. Well, here's a a dramatic spell. Oh, alright. I didn't know I was... Literally. You can see both sides of your magic. Alright, great. Well, here's a humorous spell. Um, I will turn Yusudor into a...

You're laughing at Sop. Oh, look, I'm just gonna say... I'm sorry. I'm having a bad... I'm having a bad... I will admit I have a bad habit right before I'm about to do a very funny spell. I tend to laugh. That's a pretty bad habit. I tend to think how funny that spell is going to be

Sort of poochers the spell. Yeah, it does a little We should we be the judge of whether or not the spells funny. Shouldn't that be on us look? I've got to say I just enjoy my own spells so much that time it's a little Massivatory can I get all very massivatory also I've got to say there is a danger Rotary can I guess? Yeah, this is a very massive retory. Also I've got to say, there is a danger. Sometimes my funny spells are so funny that if I don't chuckle a bit beforehand, slightly taking the human level down, they may.

Can you get through this? Yeah, can. Look, I'm laughing for your own good, chunt. And what are these two blue balls are gonna juggle? What's going on? Yeah, now I am going to juggle these two blue balls Look at me do it so well You're really you're letting us know how well you're doing it as you're doing. Yes. Look at how well I am juggling these two blue balls. Oh one is is going slightly higher

See see this is exactly what it was talking about. Yeah. It's still happening. Yeah, see, I, he was starting to turn me into something he totally lost track of what he was doing. Yeah. He just started juggling instead of actually transforming me. Yeah, this is like this podcast right now. It's like the, the bookings of delightfulness. I mean, Sarah, you're amazing. Maybe my first time ever met and then we have a can who's just like uh chunt. I remember so many things about your future. I am. Wait what? I remember he remembers the future. He's a wizard who knows I guess he's lived forever and there's multiple incarnations of it. Don't get him started. I'm a star of time and space. I've lived so long I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room.

I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room.

I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room.

I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in the first room. I'm in Listen, have you prepared a dramatic spell? Yes, here is my dramatic spell This spell will turn everyone to tears. Nope. I miss that that apologies. We'll make everyone cry

Do you want to try that again? No from boredom or what's here to be boredom? Everyone will cry. Abra-kah-hawlmark channel. Oh. Abra-kah-hawlmark channel. You know, I didn't think that was gonna get me in the comic-catch. I don't want to be crying, but I am. Oh, I feel so cheesy, but I'm crying. I'm suddenly picturing in my head like a little kid. He doesn't have anything for Christmas and then I

Don't think this is a spell. I just think that was so terrible Really, what's Christmas? Alright, you guys we got to focus up. Okay, so can't yes I brought you here for a very specific purpose. Okay. Yes. I need to get back to earth I thought maybe you know when we chatted for a very brief amount of time that you might be the guy that could help me get back So you know, I don't mean to once again put you on the spot, but like Can you help us? This your out like come on? Yes, I'm trying to think exactly. That's your problem if I can if there's something I remember, the problem is I feel like I remember you in Foon, but there is always a chance I am just remembering now from the last time.

So it's possible that you're here for a very long time or it's possible I'm just remembering this time that we're meeting now. Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright, well we're going to make the best of a bad situation. Oh boy. You're a real riddle wrapped in anigma wrapped in the obnoxiousness. You know I could use my magic to send you forward in time.

Oh? Would you like to go to the future of food? Would it be like a fast forward? It would be a fast forward. Can I bring my buddies with me? I mean, if you want to, who are your buddies? You should or in chat. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you so much. Wow, these losers.

Oh, that's awesome. No, no, you've got them all wrong. I know it seems contentious here between the three of you, and I get it. I think you're just not seeing the good qualities of the three of you. You're kind of... I understand that you have seen a week of you, you know. I think you're just not seeing like, you know, the good qualities of the three of you, you know? You're kind of... I understand that you have seen a week of Yusadol and a week of chunt, but I remember so many times, so many failures from both their past, and especially their future. Yeah, but see, I like fallible creatures. Like, what are we gonna do? Watch out.

Fallible creatures? Yeah, you like fallible creatures? Nair, dare I say love? Yeah. Absolutely. They're far more interesting. She's married to Arnie. Yeah. Sister, you need to treat yourself better than that. Oh, God.

I sound like my mother. You can't fix other people. Wait, what? You can't fix other people. Why not? Because? What if I have a spell that fixes them? All you can do, Yusadol, is decide what you need for yourself.

It's a castor spell that fixes people. Yeah, I mean that, yeah. Good luck with that, Yusadol. You said you've heard some of our past. You remember some of our past failures? Yes. Example, please. Well, I remember the episode where you played each other.

Wait, what? We played each other. I mean, we switched bodies. I'm sorry, I switched bodies. Yeah, I'm sorry. I thought that was a smashing success. My memories. My memories are sometimes quite foggy.

Wait a minute, you called it an episode. Can, are you just listening to the podcast? I... I have a feeling you can't see into the future of the past. Man, you called it an episode. Can, are you just listening to the podcast? I- I have a feeling you can't see into the future of the past. I have a feeling you just listen to podcasts. And if you've been listening, there's no way you could have- I'm been able to tell that we switched bodies because we would have sounded exactly the same except for visually

or in each other's bodies. That is true. Tell us about future failure. Your future failure? Yes! Well, you, Sadole, you sadore. You will have both of your hands burned off by the never-dore.

Ah, they'll grow back. What about me? Sarah, maher. You will fail in your bid to become a hip-hop dancer. What? Yes, I don't know what those words mean exactly. But I know that in the future, you will pursue a career as a hip hop dancer and fail.

Oh, man. On this world or another, I do not know. But if I just like get the joy out of the dancing, how can I fail? How can I fail? Can I ask you something? Yes, Chant. Were you able to live or foresee the fact

that you were gonna fail to do a humorous spell by laughing halfway through it? Maybe is that something you relived or that you could see or tell? Maybe it's still going on. All right, well, if it's gonna go on, maybe we should take a break, all right guys? Let's take a break, let's refresh our our drinks think about something we like about one another

Come back some water with a little banana And we're back Ooh, I had a nice sip of a very cold rainbowbble and I'm feeling energized. How about you guys? Feeling good. Yeah, feeling good. Yeah. I am enjoying a hearty porter this day. So, can I tell you guys before we get back obviously to the business at hand? Can I tell you guys what happened to me this morning? Oh yeah, I mean if the business at hand is interviewing Kahn then take your time.

Oh, okay. Okay, so I was on my morning run, and I saw a bird. I love birds. I know, but it was a startling. Oh! But hold the phone. It could talk. Did you know Starlings some can talk here?

Yes. Oh, you did. Yes, I mean, I'm a, you know, to some degree, a talking batter. Yes, okay, well you guys didn't tell me, to some degree, a talking batter. Yes, okay. Well, you guys didn't tell me this. So like, anytime you don't tell me something like I am surprised. Oh, got you.

It's hard for us to tell you things that we just take as normal, though. Yeah, totally. So, so we're doing our best. We spent like almost two years explaining everything to Arnie. He still has questions. So it's just a little, yeah, we forget what, what you know and what you don't a lot of things talk trees can talk swords can talk blades of grass can talk um Can this table talk? Oh

The tails of a tail Okay, so just a little side note does Arnie like remember any of the things you guys tell him? No, it doesn't really seem to stick. Yeah, it doesn't. Okay. So then it's definitely my Ernie. Yeah, his eye seems to glaze over. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Anyway, so this starling told me that he has a crush on Yusudor. What? He's got a crush on you. We went, we had a coffee, we talked about it. It was really eye opening. Well, that's very surprising. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm just telling you, if the Starling Scydles up to the bar next to you, you know, you've been so good.

That's very nice, and I promise, since you've done so much to help in this way, that I shall make some peace with the Starlings, and I shall be kinder to them from now on. That's cool, that is cool, I like that. That's very cool. Thank you very much. OK, so let's get back to the stuff at hand. OK? Let's get me back to Earth. How are we going to do it? Go.

I can get down on all fours, and maybe you can step on my back and try and jump up. OK, great. Love it. I could break the bond from the nether sphere that swapped your spots, but there'd be a chance that your memories would be switchediss-cheesed. Ooh!

And then- You should all, that's a dangerous spell. It's a very dangerous spell. I can't predict how it might end, but it would get you home, but I feel how it would affect both you and Arnie. It's a dangerous spell, even for a very talented wizard. Which I am. Hmm. So would it like scrimple my brain? Like I would go back and I'd be like,

Baaaah! No, your facilities would remain intact, but it's possible that your time here would seem but a memory, and suddenly bits and pieces may come through. You may still be searching for Arnie when you return. Oh, so like a dream. So like I'll think if I remember anything,

it won't feel like it's real. It might be similar to a dream, but there'll be parts of it that you do remember. It will definitely be Swiss cheese. That is the phrase you should use. Swiss cheese. Yes. Oh, man.

And I might be able to appear to you in some sort of astral form to help guide you through things, but it would be very difficult. You know I would love that because if I go back and I can't remember I'm gonna miss our talks. Oh thank you. Yeah. I feel like you should avoid astral play with you Siddharle.

I think it's a little bit. So I think it was astral plane. Oh, astral plane. I'm sorry sometimes. No, no bigs. We hear what we want to hear. Yeah exactly. That's what we want to hear. Yeah, exactly. That's true.

That's true. Ken, what do you think? How can you get me back? Well, let me think of all of my powers of space and time. I suppose I could. You tend to really focus on time. I do. I don't focus on space very much. What about space?

Well, you know, there are some theories that other dimensions are merely other universes within our own, and that dimensional travel is from one reality to another, but you could also just go far enough through space to eventually get there. So I suppose I could try to transport you straight up into space and we could cross our fingers that you land on your own world somewhere A million billion distances away. Yes, for you see, in an infinite and ever-expanding universe all possibilities exist And they may not be existing on top of each other literally But they may be in the great expansiveness of the universe all around us at all time.

I mean I could just throw you in a direction and there's some chance you'd get there. Do you want to just show you into space? Ooh, let's see. We could go the space route, it's kind of fun. It's fun, I mean I'm- I mean it's fun for us, we've never had anything like that. That's fun to make. I mean who knows what kind of monsters you'd meet up there.

Look, how about we do this? If it seems too dangerous to send you into space, first let's send a dog. No. I'll shoot a dog up into space. And then if that doesn't come back, we'll find a monkey or something. No, can't.

I know. The dog lover and an animal lover, we're not thrown anything into space. You do not like that idea. I do not like that idea. Never mind. Why are you trying to challenge her? What?

It's nothing. Is this like a clue? It could be. Is it? No! Alright. Listen. I would rather be shot up into space before Dog or a monkey,

because- Alright, let's go. Let's do it. I don't know. Hold up. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But I still don't want to be shot up into space. I was talking about it in the theoretical sense Understood so I'm sorry I initiated the countdown. Oh shit can I thought that was a yes I'm sorry are you the master of time aren't you the one person who could definitely stop a countdown here? You would think all right, I've extended the count down.

Uh, hey? The spell? He's doing it again. He's laughing in the middle of his spell. Wait a minute, is this a joke spell? Are you gonna pull out some blue balls and start toggling in a second? Look, I've been able to extend the timer,

so it will be a few minutes until you're shot into space. Alright, well, if it's just a few minutes, I know we've got some emails, should we maybe go through them? Oh, yes, there's quickly reads some emails. Okay. And if the countdown cannot be stopped, then there's one last-ditch effort and I shall break the bond and send you hurtling back to Earth and Arnold back to your spot here. Quick question, though. Do you have to send a dog or a monkey first? No. Thank God.

But your memory will be Swiss cheese and all appear to you as a hologram. I mean an astral projection. And we can still have our chats. Yes. Okay, first email we have here is from Rootur. It says, this is for Yusador. So Yusador, what happened to the wizard state? Isn't that like an important part of being a wizard?

So yeah, that's a thing. Let me know. Oh, that seemed a little passive-aggressive. Uh, I go into the wizard state. You said I'm all I do not do during the wizard state. Yes, I just do to a st- This is one half hour of my week. You know, I have the whole rest of the week where I'm doing things. Can you ever go into the wizard state?

Yes, I do. Sometimes. When I'm about to do a spell. I find it so amusing. That right before I hand I go into the wizard's state. Very brief. So yes, you just say yes. Yes, answer is yes. Here's an email from Sandy Marshall. Sandy says, oh, this is for Arnie.

He's not here. So Sarah, you can maybe help her. Yeah. What's listening to the podcast and wrote down your email address? Here's my question. A few years ago, Arnie and I worked together on a cruise ship for a couple of weeks. I'm curious if food has cruise ships that take paying customers on floating tours from Sandy. Holy shit. I was on this same cruise with Arnie with Sandy Marshall and Arnie. What is a cruise? He said, what a pain. Pain customers on floating tours? Yes, okay, so we have these,

you guys have boats, right? Yes. Yes, of course. It's a boat, but it's much, much bigger than the boats you have here. I can carry up to like 4,000 human people. That doesn't seem right. That's incredible.

There are that many people in food. And then, really? I'm there, don't listen to him. Oh, I'm sorry. Anyway, so you have all these people and they get onto a ship for seven days and they eat and drink as much as possible. Seven days, I'm not sure that are that many days in for you.

Shut their up, what are you? You have an arrest for just a second, okay? All right, so anyway, people dance and eat and drink and they see shows and that is a cruise ship. This sounds terrible. Yeah, it sounds like the festival of the satiety Hippogriff, but on water. I take your word for that one. So I forgot Sandy's question, but knock out stand-up guy. Stand up.

Oh, good. Stand up guy. Well, you guys would like him. If you, if you project yourself on an astral plane, you store it, maybe, you know, only you'll be able to see me. Okay, we have one final email here. This is from Tune, this is from Tune, and it's for can. Oh, it's for can. Wait, there's a question for me. Yeah, and it says Why don't you do some magic that's both humerus and dramatic? What? Says do some magic that's most humerus and dramatic. Oh All right, I'm excited that there was an email for me.

Well, I do have a spell that is both humorous and dramatic. Okay, quick find time and do it. You know what we call that a note? Don't think twice. It's a spell that is both humorous and dramatic. Alright. Mike, brother. That is both humorous and dramatic. All right. My... Bra bigly...

Sounds like a dramedy. Uhhh... Oh, the countdown! Oh, yes! Very soon you're going to be shot straight up into space. No, thank you. I'm sorry, I can't allow this to happen. I'm going to send you back now.

Oh, all right, but before I go, you guys... This has been, I can't allow this to happen. I'm going to send you back now. Oh, alright, but before I go, you guys, this has been great. Yeah, it's been amazing. You guys are lovely and I am a better person to have known you because I've met you and thank you for being yourselves. And you're great. And I love you. Oh, you're right.

Oh, we love you too. You Sado, Sarah-mah-ha. Chant, I vaguely remember this does not go well, and I think you die horribly, so just in case I'm remembering it accurately, I'm gonna slip out the back, I don't want to see anything real gross. All right, see ya, bye-can. Bye-bye. He doesn't even think there are seven days in food, so...

Yeah, he is definitely not the brain of the transformer. No, that guy. I'm just sorry about that. That was a lot. Why did Soundwave have Sony tapes and Blaster only had the what? You know, you asked great questions that I don't have the answers to.

Yeah, that's, I was fascinated by the entire story. Mm-hmm. But now, there's a countdown gross closer to zero, I must send you back before this countdown fires you into space. Oh, it's the final countdown. Okay, okay, okay. Well, that's funny. Are we leaving together?

Yeah, that's right. We have the final countdown. Wait, before you leave, try. Tell us about food fighters. I, when you said all cast this spell, everyone would want to stand in clap. I am sending you on the backwards snap. Yes, you shall return to your own homeland. I, and it shall be, oh, as you should all had bland.

I return home now to your sweet baby child and give us back on, I love you, I love you, good night. Good. Arnie, my way. Arnie. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, my back No, no, no, no, I was back. You hurt your back. No, no, I was putting my baby down to sleep fear not Sarah was here and we have snapped her back to your spot there or she might be in space She might be walking on the sun. Not in space. OK. She's not in space. She's definitely back on Earth. I can center there now because though your bond with her

has been broken that switched your places, I have formed a new bond with her. And I shall appear to her as a projection. Wait, you formed a bond with my wife? Yeah. What? Why does my head feel so weird? I'm having...

It looks like it always says enormous. No, no, I had... I had a really nice week and I'm having a hard time... You're having a Todd time remembering it. I'm having a hard time remembering it. Your memory has been Swiss cheese. No. That's definitely the term for it.

My memory wasn't so great to start with. Just for that week though. Oh. You should remember the other things, or at least remember the things as poorly as you did before. Yeah. Your brain's just all scrambling. You're screwy now.

Yeah. Bernie? Yeah? You okay? Yeah, I'm pretty good. How was your week on Earth? You wanna talk about it? It seems like it was nice.

But no, I can't remember. Well at least you're 41 now. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Let me guess, another dimensional tear. At this point I'd be worried if that alarm wasn't going off. Craig, what have you been doing? Hmm? Oh, sorry, I was going through some emails. Craig, you don't get it. This could be cataclysmic. We might have to initiate the Charmic Alpanioprotocole. Yeah, I know, but this Eric guy from Dayton sent in a lovely song about Ork, and I got to play it for you. When T-1000 roaring orks before the dark Lord stand, waiting for the horn of doom to sound across the land,

when at last the horn does blow. Stop, there's no time for fan audio, although that did have a sick baseline. I'm gonna do the credits and then go assess the damage. Use it or the lighter blue was played by Matt Young. John to the King of the Badgers was played by Adolfie. Sarah Maher, the Earth human was played by Sarah Maher, the Earth human. Follow her on Twitter at S. Maher Aja, and no match she hasn't seen quantum leap. But she does think Transformers is Voltron.

Can the Wizard was played by Arnie Neekamp, who thinks that Whispering is a different character. Do I hear Step-in-Wall reaching for the lotion and clean-X? Craig, I'm going to the Amber Vest of Ural to check out that second alarm. Hello from the Magic Cabern was produced by Arni Neekamp, Evan Chikover and Ryan D. Georgie. This one edited by Chris Raffjan, music by Andy Poland, logo by Aller LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistants by Garrett Schulte. Visit us at aloefromthematchetavron.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to Earwolf. If you need more magic to have in your life and

you want to support the podcast in general, you will be excited to know that our offices and bosses mini-series did use this Wednesday, January 11th on Howl. Alright, I'm not supposed to do this, but I'm gonna let you listen to just a little bit of the first episode for free, just because it's really great, you gotta hear it. God, that's the Ork song, That's my fault. That's my fault I Examine the phone tree for fruit or berries It appears someone has spilled coffee on it, but there are no fruits or berries I didn't eat a tree one time. Oh really? Yeah, it didn't last very long

Is a lot to take in and is this flower talking or guilty? No, I'm not good at this game. I just like maybe you know gale no gale When you say a lot to take in you know You are a rude person on all the size of that policy No, I brought it up. I want clearly one to talk about it. No gale gale Davis and durst here and I sent out a company email Well for fun. Holy space trouse.

I'm reading massive dimensional displacement. Not just Arne and Sarah. Wait, more people? People creatures, things, hundreds of them. Worst of all, this new conditioner is a jar of lies. Bouncing and behaving, this hair is slouching and committing treason. And since when does a cascade of butterflies smell just like coconuts? Craig, Pat me dry, and then let's get to work.

Happy birthday to you. Are we singing Happy Birthday? Can once to sing Happy Birthday. Wait! Happy Birthday. This is the first time we've- Can once to sing happy birthday Wait Happy birthday This is the first time we've this is the first time we do it Holy cow What do you want to can't also sing happy birthday?

Wait, why are there how many cans are there in here? There's one, two, three Three cans Four, there are four cans. What did I miss? Oh, I'm a fifth can. All right. I suppose since he lives through time so many times,

this is why there's so many of them. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. With the seven cans. Seven cans. Ha, ha, ha. Some of us should go. No. With this seven cans! Seven cans! Ha ha ha ha! Some of us should go!

No! Let's take over this fucking tavern! This tavern is cans now! I hate these cans!