Hello From The Magic Tavern - Bonus: I Am Spintax - The Podcast!

Episode Date: March 11, 2020

To honor the 5th anniversary, enjoy this bonus episode from the Stitcher Premium series I Am Spintax! Spintax uses his arcane power to raise the dead (Salmagundi) and compel the living (OffBook's Jess McKenna). CreditsSpintax: Charlie McCrackinJess: Jess McKennaSalmagundi: Edgar MomplaisirCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiLeonard: C.J. TuorProducers: Matt Young, and Kimmie LucasPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgi, Arnie Niekamp, Charlie McCrackin and C.J. TuorEditor: Garrett SchultzMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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collide in a game of life and death. Hey there, it's Craig, and I still have the time flu. Every time I sneeze, my consciousness ping-ponged another point in my past, which is annoying for me, but handy for you since this week we're celebrating five years in Thune. By looking back at some bonus shows you might have missed. Oh, and I feel like I'm coming out. Oh yeah, I recognize this. That's me in PV3, arriving at Spacebunker Absalon, still believing it was Spacebunker Theta.

I wish I could warn myself and save me the trouble, but that goes against the Prime Directive or something. Probably. Anyway, that means you're about to hear a full episode of I Am Spin Tax the Podcast. The series where Spin Tax the Green, one of the most beloved wizards of all time, attempts to escape Earth by emulating the podcast hello from the Magic Tavern with Human Host Jess McKenna and Monstrous Creation Salmogundi. Don't forget, if you want to hear the rest of this series, plus our other series, and all the other great Stitcher shows, sign up for Stitcher Premium at Stitcher Premium.com

Slash Magic with the promo code Magic. You'll get a free month and you'll be supporting your Tavern pals. So, go to Stitcherium.com slash magic and sign up for a free month trial with a code magic. Okay passcregs, start the show! You're right, PV3. It's so weird to see the space bunker all dark and quiet like this. Wonder what happened to the old girl? Well, you'd better turn on your flashlight function so we can make our way to the command deck and get the power back on. Oh, I just assumed all robots had like flashlight eyes.

But I'm not that kind of robot. But I'm not that kind of robot. OK, forget it. Forget it. We'll walk in the dark. Hey there, everyone. It's Craig and PV3 here. If you're just joining our saga,

we've arrived back at the good old space bunker. But it's strangely creepy and abandoned. Oh, yeah, and we're picking up some readings of like 100 corpses, but that's far from the weirdest thing I've seen here. Well, we sort all this out. I'll start this week's Magic Tavern bonus transmission. The first in a new series called I Am Spin Tax, the podcast, in which everyone's favorite green wizard starts his own podcast on Earth. I can't wait to hear it!

Take care, you little... Fine, we can share the earbuds. Just keep your sensors out for anything strange. Okay. Buds, just keep your sensors out for anything strange. Thank you. Keep you... BRAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I am spin-tax the podcast! I am spin-tax the green, master of the third, ninth, and twelf Twelve Realms of Ephesius, wielder of arcane forces compelling the living and the dead. Diviner of unknowable truths, Caster of illusions, destroyer of lies,

Dissolver of the wall of fire, Embiabred of the Nine Deadly Poisons, Author of the Pandan Amicon, And winner of the Wizard's Tracer Ward. The dwarves know me as Nickelback Silver Chair, The Angels know me as Mama Cassial, The vampires know me as Nickelback Silver Chair, the Angels, No me as Mama Casayal, the Vampires, No me as Cameron Orlando, and in the South I am known as Lord Stone Greatcraft.

If you are unfamiliar with me, here's everything you need to know, a few years back in an effort to defeat the encroaching void that threatened all reality. I bravely forced my way through a portal, leaving my magical fantastical land of food in the merging behind a Burger King in mundane Chicago here on Earth. Now, with the void well defeated, I thought a time to find my way at long last back to

food, but I became aware of yet another reality. For magic works differently on Earth. This reality is one where my entire world is part of a fictional podcast in which food is a land of make believe and spin taxes but a side character A side character I refuse. I am no podcast. I am spin tax the green and I demand to be a real thing on all levels of reality Okay Hi, that was a Hi, like I really know you.

I was just finishing up an ad. Yes, Jess McKinnon. Yeah. I have need of thee. Um, like, do you need to know how to validate your parking or... I do need to know how to validate my parking. Just go up to the front and Renée will give you a stamp.

And there might be a dog there. But I'm just finishing up, um, recording my podcast. Yes, you are a podcaster of earth. Yep. Exactly. Who I need. Okay. For what? I need a host. I need a podcast of my own in order for me to grow my strength in the podcast verse. Okay. I need a podcast of my own. Yeah, trying to build up those followers. Yes. Yeah, trying to kind of let people know you, see a different side, you. Yes.

Be sort of like yourself, but also a persona. Yeah, I get it. Entirely, what I need is followers, believers, acolytes. Oh, like, what you were, what you were with your main platform, you know, Twitter, Instagram, you getting on TikTok? TikTok.

Is that a time-based? No, it's like a dub. You know, honestly, I can't get into it because I feel like if I add one more thing, you know how it is. I do exist partially on Twitter. Oh, cool. Yeah, for me too, real partial.

It's mostly just retweets and stuff. Exactly, yes. I find images to retweet and I put funny captions on them. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get it. Yes. But you need me to help you. From what I know of podcasts.

Okay. They are comprised of a panel of three. Oh. There is a podcaster from Earth. Okay. There's a wizard? Oh. And some sort of a beastman.

Oh, well, you're talking about a podcast. Talking about Holo from the Magic Tatt. I love that podcast. Yes, yeah. That is the podcast from which I spring for hilarious hilarious stuff. No, it's not. It's real. So free and funny.

There's nothing funny about it. I mean, come on rainbow bowl. It's hilarious. I wish I had a favorite drink. No, it says hilarious. When it's whipped, it's delightful. I mean, it's like a podcast, but there's all different kinds. It's more niche than you think.

Your mom will not be able to play it, even though you'll download that for her and you'll show her how to do it. She'll still sometimes listen to it on a computer. But you know what? They do have some reach and they are beautiful. But I mean, I'm happy to help you figure out what your podcast is.

My podcast is this. My podcast is this. My podcast is me. In it now. Yes we are. I am compelling the equipment around us to record. All right, let me. I pour more water if I'm going to stay here. I brought my own.

Oh, wow. Thanks. Okay. Well, yeah, I'm happy to hang out and help you mess around. Glad that you are happy to, but I am forced to let you know that you are in fact compelled to help me. Oh, like, magically, or you're just like, mmm, like not gonna open this door.

Magically, magically. Okay. Yeah, you know, I did feel like I had places to be and then suddenly I couldn't move from this chair. That's right, I am pulling you sideways through reality. Oh. And to a bit of a quest that's perpendicular to your own life. Okay.

That sounds good. Yes, and I shall drop you back into your life as though nothing has changed. So that sounds a lot like when I do a podcast, yeah. But I must warn you, if you leave this quest before we are done, there is another Jess living her life forwards. Okay. And you will meet her as a doppelganger and be forced to kill her. Or let her kill you. Only one may survive.

Okay. Well, that sounds terrifying. Um, I do, but the idea of fighting myself also sounds fun. Because I've never been in a fight, and who better to fight than myself? You know, we'll be so evenly matched. Certainly, unless the you that is proceeding forward is right now involved in some sort of martial art study which you are missing out on. She did buy 10 classes to a Moitai gym months ago

and she's only taken one and I can't see her getting around to another one anytime soon. Maybe one, maybe one. What's Moitai, a lot of jump kicks, spins? Yeah, it's a standard boxing with like kicks and elbows involved. Sure. It's pretty awesome. Yeah, but she, you know, her trip to Thailand was two years ago.

She went to a fight she thought, that seems fun. And only now mid 2019 had she gone to one class. So I feel like both Jess is probably still fight evenly, but the same time that sounds horrible. I signed up once for a string of boxing classes to learn how to fight on my own. Sure. But it was cardio boxing, which was terrible. Well, yeah.

I just puked my guts out and had to run around the block. Well, I'll tell you, when she went to this class, well, I guess she's still me because we haven't split. I haven't done that. When I went to this class, there was a lot of jump rope that I didn't realize we're going to make my calves sore in such a specific way. Jumping rope is one of the greatest ways to keep in shape. Also, I was very bad at it.

I mean, I thought I know how to do this, and then I really didn't. Oh, I'm fantastic at it. I do criss crosses, across my arms, all kinds of things. Also, I can levitate, so it makes it easier. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, for me, I feel like I've good rhythm and internal clock. I'm like a decent dancer, but I could not get into the flow state.

No, the enniem rhymes to say to help the get into a rhythm. Oh, like Cinderella, Dreston Yellow, went downstairs to meet a fella. Delightful. That's about as far as I remember that. Hey, we're doing it. This is a podcast. It is?

This conversation that we're having where we're like, but what's the point? But I like it, but I'm getting to know them, but what's the point? This is a podcast. Oh, wonderful, but we're missing our third. Oh, okay, great. Also, you'll need to let me know if we need to take breaks. Do you know what your deal is here? At the moment, we are trapped behind a paywall. Okay, so I don't actually know how ads work behind a paywall. The hope is that someday I shall burst forth beyond this paywall. Escape into the public. Yes. And we should carve out space for the future ads that will live there. I see. Okay, great. So yeah, I think always good to play for what you hope the project will become. And yeah, I think, yeah, you know, you already are coming from a great following. so I feel like definitely once people get to know you, this could live beyond the paywall, so...

Oh, potentially this could be a great place for a break. And if it wasn't, we'll just keep going. And keep going, we shall. Who's this third? The third. We need some sort of beast man, something that combines the human experience with that of the animal. Oh, okay, like a... like a centaur, like... Well, that would be one animal. I'm more interested in all animals.

Oh, like a shape shifter? It could be. Okay. That seems very limiting. Uh-huh, yeah, no. So what I tried to do at first through the art of animal husbandry was create an animal that was all animals. So first I took a horse and a donkey and I made a mule.

Oh, yeah. And then I lay in and a tiger and I made a liger. And then I had the liger in the mule. And they did nothing. Oh, I thought maybe for sure that liger would eat that mule. No, they became great friends. Oh, I love it. There's a YouTube about it. Oh, I thought maybe for sure that Liger would eat that mule. No, they became great friends. Oh, I love it when we're YouTube about it. Oh, that's great.

Unlikely animal pairings. No, that makes me very happy. Yeah, the Liger rides around on the mules back. You're kidding me. Protects it from flies. Come on, does he sit up? Like, does he look bipedal, or does he crunch down on him?

Oh, it does like all four. So two side legs on one side and two side legs on the other, like it's laying on a cushion. Oh, that's too sweet. If you have fan art ideas for what this could look like, you know, at us. And me, draw me please. I need more images of my visage out into the world.

Make me real. And me too, I guess. Yes, and you are real. Yeah. People can find images of you me too, I guess. Yes, and you are real. Yeah. People can find images of you. Yeah, I exist. Yes. What would you say they should search for online to find the best images of you?

Probably just McKenna backwards hat. I've seen that one. That's what led me to you. Yeah, there's many. Okay, so we need like, I get what you're saying, because you're sort of bringing this magical vibe. I'm bringing this. I'm a human. And you want some other sort of aspect that's really gonna fill out and make you real or here.

Absolutely. We got a mule, we got a ligor and didn't work out. So where are you at now? Well, you see the large shape beneath this tarp that I brought into the studio with me? Yeah, I do. I just like, I don't want to assume what people's backpacks are like, you know, everybody might have several laptops in there, but I did notice this large shape underneath I do not have seven and a half feet of laptops under this tarp. Okay. What I have is let me grab it I'm going to be a tight reveal Huh?

Behold sell my gun. The beast I have created. Oh my gosh, Selma Gundy is at his name or is at the name of what he is. That will be his name once I bring him to life. Okay, woo. If you see, notice the fine stitches he has been put together by a variety of necrotic flesh. Ooh, the Sun's progress. Which I dug by hand out from the cemeteries around the Hollywood area. Oh, god.

Ugh. Ugh. Yes, he does smell. I'm sure the smell will dissipate once he's reanimated. Oh, did you do it like during a synaspium film? Like did you like go digging about while they were showing like never been kissed or jaws or something? It was easy to blend in with the crowd.

What movie were they showing? I don't know. I don't watch movies a lot. Oh sure, yeah. Any images that stood out for you, a char. Let me see. Like Wilson is saving us from aliens. No, there wasn't like a hitchcock for their birds flying at a lady's face. There were birds. Okay.

Were they flying at a lady's face and she was going, ah, birds, birds. But they looked like birds, but they weren't real birds. face and she was going ah birds birds but they they looked like birds But they weren't real birds they looked like puppets of birds sure that had been stuck onto a woman. Yeah, she ran Yes, I think you're seeing the birds by Alfred Hitchcock. Oh, what a lazy named movie Yeah, it's just a movie about a bunch of birds. Yeah, yeah, I know someone who would like that Okay, so joining prepare myself for some magic. Okay, so do I need to prepare myself for some magic? Oh, yes.

All right, so I am going to animate this body. Now, he was dug up. I took pieces of different bodies from all over the cemeteries and dug them up so that together I was missing some vital pieces. So I had to sacrifice a number of my coyote army to bridge the okay. Oh boy. This is getting spooky. I, oh my gosh. You know what? If you're just finding it's now, this would be a great episode for Halloween time. Okay. Keep going. Halloween. Do describe this to me. Halloween is a holiday. It comes from, I think, several sort of rituals around the world over time that have sort of

Created this amalgam of a holiday that is about where the sort of centered around the day of the year that the walls between The mortal and the immortal world are the thinnest and sometimes it has like nice Connotations where you're thinking of your loved ones and sometimes it has scary connotations where ooh, what's coming from the spirit world. But basically, it means like kids can dress up like superheroes and ask for a free candy. And older kids can do mischief. And older, older kids can do different mischief. What kind of mischief do these older, older kids do?

Probably just like drinking too much and hooking up. Oh, hooking up. Yeah. Yes. You know, like hooking up. Oh, hooking up. Yeah. Yes. You know, like hooking up. Yes, full on, sex. Yo, you're good. Yes, absolutely.

I'm not sure how much I'm. I'm not sure how much I'm. I'm not sure how much I'm. I'm not sure how much I'm. Oh, cool. How do you know that? Just a lot of good feedback. Every review I've ever gotten.

Do you ask for reviews at the end? Yes, from both my partners. Oh. Oh. I tend to favor couples. Okay. Oh, you like to guess star. Or do you consistently experience like one, you're always with one couple? No, I play around.

Okay. I'm a bit of a bull. Oh, okay, wow. Learning a lot. Which is why I sought you out. For my magic is more powerful. When everyone on Earth believes a little bit more in magic. That makes sense.

Yes. Now, for me, that would be Christmas time. Christmas time. There's something so magical. The lights, everyone's happy to me. That's so magical. It seems sad to me that you think happiness is magical. Oh.

And not just an ordinary transient state that we all should feel throughout our lives. Oh, yeah. That it's reserved for something spectacular. Yeah. You know, I don't understand magic because we don't really have an on earth in any literal way. It's like, wow, that aspect of science is like magic or wow. That way that humans did something cool is like magic or wow.

The whimsy of a child making a wish on a dandelion, like magic. Wishes on dandelions are cursed in food. Oh gosh! They come with deeply ironic consequences. Oh. And to my point, I believe sadly, Jess, that it is not magic you don't understand, but happiness. Oh, oh, I see.

Oh, no, no, no, I got that all the time. I just mean, like, when is it really amped up? You know, and for me, that'd be like Christmas time. Sure, because of the gifts. No, I didn't say anything about gifts. The magic, the joy, the coming together, the cookies. Yes, ha ha, treats. But speaking of treats, I have a treat for you that your eyes will never be

hold again. Terrifying. The rising creation of a new life form. Okay. 13 coyotes. Oh. Plus an assortment of Hollywood corpses. creation of a new life form. Okay. 13 coyotes. Oh. Plus, an assortment of Hollywood corpses?

Okay, let's uh, yep, that looks like an assortment. Flickr the lights up and down. This shall help me in the strobe effect that I need as I incant this to the form before me. Hingarinda Roo. Hintari Tarar Oh, it's terrible to listen to a conversation and not be able to participate. Classic third guest on a podcast.

Hey, you were hearing us the whole time. I can hear you the whole time. I heard you guys talking about my buddy Alfred Hitchcock. Oh, you know him? Of course, me and Alfred go back. We almost made a movie together. A buddy movie called Alfred and WC, Sail the Seas. Oh, do you have the mind of WC Fields?

The mind I am, WC Fields. Oh, wow, this is exciting. You know what, and I gotta say, for our listeners who maybe were more like me and get scared by 13 coyotes and assortments of celebrities coming back to life. It was actually only scary for a second, and now that I see you, what'd you just say?

It was only scary for a second when you were coming alive. No, no, no, no, before that. Oh, 13 coyotes and assortment of dead celebrities. What are you talking about? Just like what you are, 13 coyotes and assortments, dead celebrities. I was born by the river in a little time. Ooh.

Jess, he is newly created. He is still finding his footing. He's but a babe to reality. Oh, I'm sorry. But you know, he was so immediately like present, kind of like when you see a giraffe baby immediately walk. So I thought, oh, we're ready. We're ready to do that.

You've been to Africa? I have. Where you go to Africa? Um, 2014. Wow. Oh, you saw a giraffe there. Yeah, well, I've only seen draft videos of drafts being a video My name Sam will what they call him a Sam at the club. Oh, gosh. Okay, so Did you in fact use any sort of like more recent celebrities or they're all gonna kind of live in a world that it's like all in the super past? What's celebrity am I a celebrity? or recent celebrities, or they're all gonna kind of live in a world that it's like all in the super past.

What's celebrity? Am I a celebrity? Last thing I remember, a lady was in my hotel room and then everything went black. Oh, cool. I picked all the spots that were on a brochure that I found, stars of the silver screen. Classic Hollywood, corpses. Oh, well this will be fun for me

because I do love old Hollywood stories, but. So how much do you think we should just lay out for him? Like exactly like what's going on? And you just, you know, like, is this like going to be traumatic for him? You think that he has to like come to terms with the fact that he's not one person and be it's probably at least like 50. I mean, I'm going to say like the most reasons what like how recent, you know, I think the more he knows about the world outside,

the more complicated it will be for him to rationalize what he is. And if he just remains in this room. Okay, great. This will be all of his reality. All right, so I'll try to not reference any of my personal truth in this current year. Great to meet you.

My name is Jess, we're in a room. And so far, that's all you need to know. I recorded my new album. Where's my friend Dave? We usually do songs together. Um, do you know his last name? Nope, we just go by seven days. Okay. Um, well, I don't know where to hold on. I'm coming. Okay. I mean, this is fun. I don't know. I know that one. Do do do do do do do. Hey, that's good. Do do do do do. That was Dave's idea to add that. That's a good part. I know that one dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude What a fool. He's so much more talented. Well, maybe there's going to be a great time to take another break. And if it wasn't, here we are. Yes, I have for you five questions that may help us to align Salmagandhi with reality.

They help him know who he is and where he is going. So what I need you to do. Jess is first close your eyes. Okay. Imagine the moon. You know, Sal, maybe if you want close your eyes. Sal my name, Sam. Sal Magandi. Thank you. Okay. Jess close your eyes. Okay. Picture the moon reflecting on a river. You're standing on the river bank. Uh-huh. Am I in the river, too?

No, I'm standing on the bank. No, I'm standing on the bank. You're looking at the moon reflected in the river. How big's the moon? It's big enough to frame your reflection. Okay. Now reach in to the reflection and shake your own hand. Woo, this feels weird.

Great. Now open your eyes. Look in your left breast pocket. Oh, wow. You'll find a piece of paper. How? Ha ha! To that, happen.

Magic! It is real and not just at Christmas and not just with a child. Okay, what is your true name? My name is Selma Dundee. Oh, how did you come to be? I remember being in a lab, and magic being forced upon me to make me the way I am. Yeah.

As I did a lot of my work in a lab late one night. Very appropriate. Ooh, I like this one. What is your domain? Oh, domain. Uh-huh. I don't understand that question, I guess, earth. Okay, yeah.

Oh, I like him. He's ambitious. Yeah. All of earth shall be sell my gun this domain. Yeah, I was like domain, like domain name, Zach and the Jess.com backslash live. Um, uh, what, what spell have you just recited? What incantation be this? Just a mild call to action.

They call it. Okay. What purpose do you serve? I would like to make sure that the people inside of me will come to rest peacefully. That's nice. I've got bad news for yourself. What? I shall never let a piece of you rest.

What? No, you don't understand. They're inside me warring. They all have things left to do. Yes, and if you complete one of their things, then that part of their body shall no longer be alive. It shall return to death, and so shall that part of you. Okay, maybe I'll stave off for a little bit. Oh, interesting, but now I'm seeing an opportunity for sort of a serialized component of this

story. So, um, I'm just gonna put that in my own personal back pocket. Okay. Sounds like a real host thing to do. Yeah, exactly. We won't spend too much time on it, but if it presents itself, okay. Mm-hmm. What burden do you carry? I carry the burden of many souls.

Many souls with many different wants. Many different goals. Oh. While I try to discover my own self and what do I want. Oh my gosh, you know what? Everything has its season, everything has its goal. Beautiful. That's from Pippin. I did know that.

Yeah, I got to find my corner of the sky. Yes. Pippin' the troll? Pippin' the... Well, it's a bit of a troll of a musical. What is happening, am I right? I'd still don't understand it till this day. Yeah, I mean, like, you can give us a little bit more plot.

We won't be mad about it. Um, okay, well that felt fun. Did I, was I like wielding a little bit of magic with that? Yes. I felt it. I have composed those questions as a ritualistic interview, known on Earth as a survey. Oh, yeah, usually I ignore these, but that felt really good.

Yes, it's purpose designed to distill the essence of a creature down into a single point, which I may devour. Whoa, what? You're gonna eat this guy? No, not him. Not him himself, but the power of him, the essence of him, if I so chose,

I could eat all the belief that exists in him as a creature, and take it into myself and take its power for my own. So that you could get back to food? So I may get back to food. Okay, just another slight serialized component. I'm just going to go ahead and put that in my backpack. Magic on Earth depends on belief. In food, magic is a primordial force.

Can I ask you a question? Yes. Have you ever tried this? I believe. I believe in you. Oh, my arms are getting stronger as you play. I believe. I believe.

Yes. I love this. I believe. Now, but what I need in order to cross barriers between my world and yours, between-huh. Between that world and the upper world in which we are all nothing but podcast voices. Sure. Sure. Is belief on a massive scale. You're talking about sort of breaking out into like TV and film.

Yes. I've been trying all this. Yes. I must grow my Twitter followers. Yeah. I must grow my presence online. Minimum, 30,000. It's hard to realize that that is a real component of it

You know, but then when you hear from like casting directors that truly it did play into picking someone for a role I know it makes sense right? It's tough to realize that like that's actually part of it in a real way But that's sometimes how the guy and single parents gets cast to be the kid with the dead What I said didn't make any sense a kid with a dad. What I said didn't make any sense. But yes. Honestly, you're a bunch of celebrities in coyote parts. So we're gonna give you as much lag as you need.

Oh, thank you so much. I feel really good about this. And I think part of that might be because you have me under some kind of spell. But also, cause I like playing around. So. Wait, you're under the spell. I'm under some of this.

I felt that you were the most powerful magician in this room. Oh, thank you. I mean mean you made me focus on myself. I'm no longer exploding into different parts This is so kind. Yeah, I mean partly that's true But it's also like he gave me that magic and he's so me like if I don't hang out and do this podcast I might like fight myself. Oh you heard yeah, no, I heard I was allowed to participate Yeah, you heard about me and trying to get into Muay Thai. Yeah. Do you think it's like, should I go back?

I think you should go back, but you should also practice against palm trees to harden your elbow and knees. Yes, they were like, honestly, part of this is, you just need to deaden the nerves in your shin. Also, Kroff Maga is great. It's about defeating someone quickly and creating distance from them.

Yeah. Very effective in self-defense. Yes. That's right. And I want you all to take that spirit into your heart of like, sometimes the best defense is a little bit of distance. Yeah. I'm going to stand by that.

I feel like that was accidentally very profound. OK, so you found us and we're going to try to give more power and help you get back home. And listen and find out what happens. And we three shall band together on a journey to find all the creatures more power and help you get back home. And listen and find out what happens. And we three shall band together on a journey to find all the creatures on this earth powered by thought, belief, by human magic. And we shall steal their power.

Yeah, so you know, anything here that you're like, that's not real, but we power by belief. We're gonna hang out with them. We're gonna chat. We're gonna hang out. And then at're gonna chat, we're gonna hang out. And then at the end he's gonna steal their essence so that he can get back to food. Right. That's right.

Yeah. In a friendly way. In a friendly, fun way. Because it's all made up, none of it's real. That's right. None of this is real. But am I allowed to leave this room? No.

Okay, so that part feels real. Yes, you're both my puppets. Okay, yep, like a bird and a hitchcock film. So, you know, do all the things, listen, and find out what happens. Spread the word, green shirts. Spread the word, green shirts. Until next time, I'm stuck in this room.

And I'm spin-taxed the green! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! That's good sound. Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green!

Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green!

Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! Spin Packs the Green! There we go! Looks like there's been extensive damage just about every subsystem, but I managed to get auxiliary power going, so at least we'll have these little dim hallway lights to make

everything look red. Just a minute, P.V.3, I'll look at whatever you're pointing at it surprise after I do the credits. Spin Tax The Green was played by Charlie McCracken. The Human Host was played by Jessica McKenna. Salma Gundy was played by Edgar Mom Plusier. I Am Spin Tax The Podcast is produced by Matt Young and Kimmy Lucas, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz,

special assistance by Ryan D. George E. Arne Neekamp, Charlie McCracken, and CJ Tour. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz, theme music by Andy Poland. I Am Spin Tax The Podcast Log logo by Allerblanc. Okay, BB-3 now what's so important? Wait a minute, that can't be right. The console says this isn't good old space bunker fade at all.

It's space bunker Epsilon. Well, that explains why everything's the same yet eerily different. Boy, it's my face red. Let's see, maybe if we bring up the last recorded log entry, we can find out what happened here. This is Captain Leonard Burnett of Space Bunker Epsilon, and this is likely to be my final transmission. It's been three weeks since the X hatched, nearly the entire crew is dead.

Our distress call to the High Command has gone unanswered. I'm shutting down the main power grid to prevent the creatures from accessing the upper decks. In one hour, I'll leave the small, cad drive survivors on our final assault if I don't make it whatever you do. Don't engage auxiliary power. I repeat. Do not engage auxiliary power. May space god have mercy on our souls. Oh my god. These bunkers are supposed to have crews no wonder I was always overworked. Hmm, she's weeny.

Your red PV3, it sounds like they ate some bad eggs or something. As long as we're here, let's stick to red meat and fruit. Ah! What is that? Well, that about does it for the week, tune in next time for episode two of I Am Spin Tax The Podcast. Oh, my God! Yes!

Oh, my God! I am Spintax, The Podcast! you