Hello From The Magic Tavern - Bonus Taste: Earth Cereal

Episode Date: September 23, 2021

Arnie, Usidore and Chunt taste test Earth breakfast cereals.This is the beginning stretch of a bonus episode from the Hello from the Magic Tavern Patreon. The full episode is available now for Patreon supporters. Find out more at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, it's your old friend Craig, hacking into the main feed to give you a taste of the bonus content available to supporters of the new Hello from the Magic Tavern Patreon. Yes, in case you haven't heard, the podcast is going independent for season 4, which is coming very soon to the regular feed. But you can also get new bonus episodes by supporting the Patreon, as well as at free episodes of the main show, access to the Disc or which is a great fan community, other fun stuff. I don't need to go on a lot about it. I'm just here to share some fun audio with you. You can find out more about supporting the show at patreon.com slash magic tavern. I'm sure there's a link in the show notes. With that out of the way, here's a little bit of bonus content I've snuck out from the Patreon so you can see if it's something you want more of.

Not the full episode, but fun little chunk. Enjoy! Hello from the Magic Tavern! Patreon episode! It's a bonus, guys! Ooh, I'm so excited. I love the sound of that word Patreon, I know I'm excited. Yeah, yeah You know, we got a transdimensional delivery of this giant box. Oh

full of earth Breakfast foods what yeah, oh. Oh my, oh my, oh my gosh, Arnie you've never told us much about Earth Breakfast foods I'm so excited. Now is this the point in the bonus episode where people realize they've made a mistake by supporting us? I think it's more the kind of thing where like the second they hit send, there was a feeling of regret. Sure, sure, sure.

Hmm. Well let's dig into this breakfast food. Okay, so on earth, we have a lot of the same breakfast foods as you have here, although there's a lot less blood and viscera involved. No blood sausage? Well, there is blood sausage. No viscera toast? There's not viscera toast. Oh.

Which I'm going to say, I hate, but I'm starting to hate less. Any urine pudding? Not on purpose, but probably. Well, it doesn't sound like breakfast to me, but show me what you got. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, go ahead. Okay, inside this box are a bunch of other boxes,

oh here I'm gonna shake one, a breakfast cereal. We're gonna do a taste test of all these breakfast cereals from Earth. Wow, so this is breakfast cereal, so there's also lunch cereal and dinner cereal. Yeah, if you're in college, I think there is, but these are mostly meant for breakfast. So all of these boxes of food are based off of the first podcast?

Hold on, these boxes of cereal are based off of Conan Needs a Friend. Bird. So, I guess, um, let's see, can you imagine some bowls and spoons? Of course. Aura, tola, ala! Sorry, can you make my bowl a little bigger? Wow. And can you make my spoon a little smaller?

Wooo! Thank you. And of course, can you clean my bowl? You've clearly been having some year in putting in this thing. Wee wee wee wee wee wee Well, I- well, I'm sorry. I suppose we could have just gotten bowls and spoons here from the bar at- uh, at- uh, the pair of social. Oh, that's right. I- I- I really like this place.

I feel like I know this bar. Yeah. I feel like a connection to this bar. Is that a sense? As soon as I walked in, I felt like... They're my best friend. Not just that. I feel like this bar knows me Yeah Also, I've heard this bar is haunted

Yeah, that's why it's called the pair of social like paranormal but more social mm-hmm. Well Arnie Let's dig into the cereal here. Oh Let's just box here. Oh, oh Arnie, yeah. What? Who is this little slab of bee? Yum, yum, yum. Introduce me.

Oh, well, okay, well, this is a classic Earth cereal called Honeynut Cheerios. There is also a total shit cereal on Earth called Cheerios, but Honeynut Cheerios is really good. And are they rivals? Not really. They're just not in the same league. Oh, sweetie.

Those are buttholes. They should be called honey buttholes. Honey buttholes? Yes. Right? Am I crazy? Those are little out buttholes. You're not wrong.

And it's so sad because children eat these. I'm sorry, but I'm upset about this. Why does it say on the front made with real honey? What other kind of honey is that? Well, first of all, they're lying probably. I'm guessing it's not made with real honey. On earth? We have something called flavors.

Huh. And eventually science moved past real flavors into invented flavors. And eventually science moved past real flavors into invented flavors and then invented versions of real flavors and then eventually everyone was obese and didn't know how to taste real things anymore. And Arnie, this is a Patreon episode, so anything we say here, is it canon or is it not canon? Because Immmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mind to it, I suppose that I too could invent a new flavor, say a 30-second flavor? What? Would it just be a combination of two of the original 31? Ah, maybe.

Uh, let me think what flavor doesn't exist in nature that I could create. Here, Arnold, stick out your tongue. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,nie, don't forget in food, every flavor is made with beaver gland. Ooh, Arnie, it's so cool on Earth that your cereal prevents you from eating too much. See, up in the right-hand corner, it says glutton-free. That's so great. It prevents you from being a glutton. Yeah, because you know, you don't wanna munch

on too many of these little buttholes. Mm-hmm. Well, you can never have too many buttholes, famously. Again, let's pour some out. Let's get to it. All right. Oh yeah, let's pour some. Let's pour some cereal for all the dead buttholes.

Oh, I'll get some milk from the bar. I'll be right back. Ramshackle. Oh, Ramshackle. I need some milk here. Oh, he's calling the cow that works behind the bar. Mm-hmm. It's a ghost cow.

It says boo instead of boo. Boo. Wait, I'm just doing an impression. Oh, okay. Ram shackled the ghost cow, milked herself and gave me this here, this milk here. She did that very fast. Well, she's a professional.

So this is ghost milk? Yeah. So to me, it just looks like milk, but with a sheet over it and little eye holes cut out. Yeah, like ram shackled, the cow with the sheet over her? Fair enough. Now, if this ghost milk achieves its true purpose, will it finally move on to the afterlife?

Shh, come on. That's not, let's not get hung up on that right now. Plenty of time for that later. Let's buy some cereals. Wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on. I, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't think about this beforehand. I don't think we can do this upset.

All right. So long. You guys are gonna come back. Come back. Goodbye. Yes, it's all right. Yes, why? What are you doing?

He was waiting for an excuse. I know, I know Yeah, it's okay you sir. You can leave. Well, okay fight. Goodbye. Okay, bye Now that he's gone Arnie introduce me patrons without me around assholes He's got swaying he knows it Arnie now that he's gone. Can you introduce me to this little B? You know, I what's his name? I'm sure it has a name and he knows it. Already another he's gone. Can he introduce me to this little bee? You know, what's his name? I'm sure it has a name, but I don't know its name. On Earth there are lots of serial mascots,

and some of them have names that everyone knows, and some of them don't. So, serialists are like colleges? A little bit. They're showing their support through the animal that's usually a crazed maniac if I'm being honest. But this is one of the more like sophisticated mascots.

It's a bee. I don't know what name do you think it should have. It looks to me like a Henrik. Henrik. And here's the thing, honey is just like bee spit, but this bee has like a little stick, like a little wand with honey on it. So he's like above spitting,

which makes me think he's like very reg stick, like a little wand with honey on it. So he's like above spitting, which makes me think he's like very regal, maybe royalty. Oh, queen bee, king bee. I don't even know. I mean, I guess I don't need to make any assumptions about this bee's gender. Yeah, honey's a fluid. You sorry, she come back here, we're drowning.

Yeah, we, what? We're drowning, come back. Fine, fine, fine, fine. Look, you said it was about to say, we have a challenge in doing this episode, which is on Earth, a lot of people have physical pain from hearing the sounds of people eating. Oh no.

And the way I eat is real weird. The people don't want to hear his crunch and munch. They don't. Oh. Well, I guess we'll cancel this episode. Sorry, patrons. You got a good, uh, how many minutes was this? It felt like 400? Yeah, I see.

Yeah, divide that a little bit. Uh, just another 10. I think we're good. Wait, you said you're a wizard. Could you, I don't know, muffle our mouth sounds? Oh, uh, you want me to cast Cone of Silence around us? No, because we got, that will dampen the episode. We can't be totally silent. Can you use magic to like change the sounds we make when we eat?

Yeah, Cone of Silence. Cone suggests dessert. And we're having breakfast, you said, or... Yes, it's a good point. Uh, you want me to change the sounds that us eating cereal would make. Why? How could I transmulgarify sound itself? Ah, eroth, toroth, kara-pap-filter! Alright, I guess that's all. Ooh, let's all dig in.

Yeah. Here we go, first bite. Here comes the dragon right into its cave. Oh, this is quite nice, actually. Yeah! It's a classic. It's sweet, but not too sweet. Yeah, these crunchy buttholes are okay.

I like these crunchy buttholes. Honey buttholes, these are, I can't stop eating these. And these buttholes stay firm in milk without getting too soggy. Can I keep this box? Sure, and it's not of this straight-up man. I'm so excited. Well, now I'm hungry for Syria.

God, it's been forever since I've got my hands on a box of cookie crisp. I made PV3 big batch after batch of tiny cookies, but he never gets some small enough. Anyway, the rest of the Earth's cereal episode is available right now to supporters of the hello from the Magic Tavern Patreon. And it gets weirder. You can get all the info at patreon.com slash magic tavern. And, figure out of supporting the show, is something that makes sense for you. See you soon.

Season four is right around the corner. Now, I got to transmit my consciousness back into a coffee maker, a mysterious colleague wants to play scatter gores. See ya. You