Hello From The Magic Tavern - INTERLUDE - 1989: Julie's Cult Watch
Episode Date: July 5, 2021Another cassette tape from 1989 Ohio, this time hosted by Julie, 13-year old Arnie's friend, who has a mysterious Future Hole in her backyard.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsido...re: Matt YoungJulie Andrews: Brooke Breit Mysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Chris RathjenSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandUsidore Theme Song: Meridith Stepien and Nick GageYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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People of Earth. I've really let you down this week, and in a much more specific way than you've come
to expect.
I got so caught up with the Baker-owned Biscotti demonstration that I forgot to intercept
this week's transmission.
Yes, I'm still trapped in Italy, and what's this in my pocket?
Why it's another of those cassette tapes I found in the Institute, from when Usador and
Shant showed up in 1989.
Except this one reads, mmm, the ink is smudged here, Julie's cult watch.
Oh, that's right, Arnie had that schoolmate Julie, who cared her and a tape recorder for
her pretend talk show.
Spoiler alert, someone will be applying to Julieard someday.
Well, audience, you've got an exceptionally low bar for audio entertainment, and I've
got a cassette player I just made from half a Panini press.
Shall we?
Okay, this is Julie Andrews, we're here in episode 29 of...
Cold! This is Julie Andrews. We're here in episode 29 of Cold. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa earlier episodes, like I'd be like, coo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo- So it's like it's amazing you can keep it fresh. Yeah, I mean I've had no complaints.
Also, it's all on cassette tape.
So I don't know who would complain because I don't know who else is hurting it.
But I keep leaving them at the library hoping somebody's gonna pick them up.
Oh, that's a great idea.
I like to do every recording as if someday someone is going to find them and submit them to the public record.
Yeah, Yeah.
We're like, um, like somebody's going to find it, like find all those tapes and then maybe by then I've been taken.
And so it's like, we'll be, and it could be released into the greater world as a, like a real life drama situation,
but then like also heightened up for drama, so maybe it's like inspired by a true story,
but not a true story.
Should Julie be mind if I say,
like I've noticed some of the teachers have started talking
about how much you talk about being taken at school,
and like there were, there's a little bit of concern.
Like you're constantly talking about how someday
you'll be abducted.
I was just walking by the teacher's lounge
and it seemed like a topic that comes up quite a bit.
How often are you walking by the teacher's lounge
in how often do you stay long enough
to hear them talking about something?
Because honestly, I feel like if you're saying
it's happening often,
then you might have a problem.
Yeah, I feel more comfortable around adults, and I walk really slow past doors.
I don't know if you really need to worry about it, as long as your father has a certain set of skills.
Huh? I don't know that Julie really needs to worry about this as long as her father has a certain
set of skills she should be fine eventually.
Yeah, speaking of taking, I am absolutely taken with this news story about a nationwide
search for the casting of a movie called Rob Roy.
It's coming out soon, I don't know when, but I'm so excited!
Also Arnie, you know how um, yesterday I I told you I wanna start my own 80s band?
Mm-hmm.
What you just said would make a great song title.
I like walking slowly past closed doors.
Is that what it was?
Yeah, I walk slowly past closed doors.
I walk, can you sing it?
I walk slowly.
Nice place.
Walking slowly past closed doors.
I walk and slowly past closed doors. I walk and slowly pass those doors.
I'm walking alone because that's between classes or it's during class.
And you're one of those doors opens and an arm grabs you and you're taken.
Oh, I know this is your show.
Julie, do you mind if I play my theme song?
Yeah, I don't have one. Oh, that was very good.
Do you guys mind if I play mine? Oh, sh was very good. Uh, do you guys mind if I play mine?
Uh, oh, shit.
Yeah.
Okay, here it goes. This is Master of Light and Shadow of Ticam To follow a chaos
Who's the door of the Sheldon
Draked or sought to escape
The elves tried to be a
Gale-eggastic
Through all the lonely seas
No one has got the way
He is the main star You see us knowing those cascades made us all
That was very excellent too
And you guys mind if I just do mine as well?
Uh-huh, okay
Woo!
Well, this is chunk song
This is chunk song
Hey, motherfuckers, listen up to Chunk Song.
I'm not gonna ask anyone's permission, I'm playing mine. Oh, that was also quite excellent.
I must say, I believe, Arnold.
This is what you would call a guest appearance.
These sort of cross-promotional opportunities are very integral to the work you will do
in the future.
Yeah, I'm excited to be, instead of doing my own show,
I guess the Peerian Joy Show. Hold watch.
Yeah, it's less of a show and more of just like an experience.
Because I don't really have a high production value.
I mean, I appreciate everybody coming to the tree house.
There's not great acoustics, but it's spacious.
And my mom says that like, I can keep the bean bag chairs up here
as long as I don't get them dirty.
And so far, so good.
What do your downloads look like?
What do my downloads look like?
Yeah, how many listens you getting?
Oh, I told you.
Whenever I crank one out, I leave it at the public library
and I put a little note on it and then, please enjoy.
So I don't know who's listened to them. Nobody's written and you know it's back and most of them
have not left the pile.
Do you have a discord going? Got some ad sales going away. How are you, how are you monetizing?
Arnie, I've been cranking one out and leaving it at the library too.
Oh, what?
That's it.
Well, I'm very excited for, a, I did some research this week.
I spent many days down at the stables watching all manner of cult.
And I watched even one of them as a churned the age of five
and became an adult male horse.
Oh.
OK.
So Mr. Yusudor, that's a, um, that's a cult. Right. Right. And I'm on
cult watch. Right. It best a cult, a cult. Yes, right. Are you saying? Are we
saying, let's say at the same time, one, two, three, cold. Cold. You waited.
You waited.
You stood there, you dummy.
What?
Where are you trying to get away with you, Zidane?
I'm not trying to get away with anything.
I just was simply spent my part of my week
watching Young Male Horses.
Yeah, and I was also on the lookout for cold watch.
And I was watching TV as I do most days here in the 80s.
And I saw a man in a cape with the most beautiful smile.
And he told me that there was 45 cults,
and he was the most charming, beautiful man.
I would follow him anywhere.
Oh, I saw him do. He is very attractive.
Yes, Billy the Williams.
D.
Ah, Billy the Williams.
Well, my report I'm bringing to the table is the fact that my mom is a part of a Tupperware
club.
So, they have all been coming over and they are trying to sell each other from what I've
understood the plastic Tupperware is like the, you know, the stack and then like, you
don't have to worry about the lids and like it sounds super convenient
but I'm a little concerned that
The season too deep
Julie that's fucking amazing. I mean, I'm so sorry to hear that she's in so deep that must be terrifying for you
but for us to just now hear about used door
Tupperware it's plastic containers that have tomorrow's supper in it.
Ugh. And they can hold other bowls, a bowl with infinite bowls inside?
Yeah, like you can, but the little ones, like the ones that are like the really tiny ones,
like you're not going to use those. Like you're going to pay for them and you're going to be like,
I'll put a crouton in here, but you're not going to eat that crouton.
That crouton's going to sit in your fridge for days.
Chunk and I must have this tomorrow's supper way.
Yes, where can we buy some?
Please inform your mom we would like to buy as many as possible.
Yeah, you can ask my mom later.
Like she'll be happy to sell it to you.
Yes, she needs to make her quota.
Otherwise, I'm afraid something bad's gonna happen to her.
Buy us a reason for our chained the 1980s has been revealed.
Tomorrow, supper, and salad.
Salad tomorrow.
Arnie, do you eat any salads currently, buddy?
What?
I mean, I don't know if that's allowed here in Ohio.
Yeah, you've been eating a lot of rallies recently.
Hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
You don't know if that's allowed here?
Yeah.
Right?
Is this because you are a foolish young child
who hasn't experienced the ways of the world yet?
Or do you really believe that Ohio has some sort of law
that prohibits people from eating salads?
Yeah, they're called salad days.
There's like certain days of the week
where you're allowed to have a salad
and there's other days that you're not.
Mm-hmm.
This is so fucked.
So fucked.
And Arnie, I told you, I don't trust any state that's just the word high between two balls
Okay, but we gotta get out of this state buddy. I mean I guess we could go to Indiana, but that's one of the few places that's worse
Do you want to see the future hole?
Yes, please. Yes
Yeah, is it okay?
I hate to admit this.
I'm a little scared to see the future hole.
It's a hole.
It's like, I'll be honest, I don't know what you're expecting it to look like,
but it is like a real looking hole in the ground that you'd be like.
That's where that's a gopher lives there, but then you put your hand in and you will
receive an item from the future.
So if you first saw it and thought it to just be a go for a hole, were you reaching in the grab a go for?
Fuck yeah.
I'm sorry, can I say that?
Of course, yes very much so.
Wow! I'm sorry Arnie.
You can't do the your
Wow! I'm sorry Arnie.
You can't do that.
You're a magician.
You said that.
You recorded that.
You recorded yourself saying that.
Look, obviously Julie's going to be in a lot of trouble with her parents if anyone
ever hears that.
But, she's learned from Chunk and that's the important thing.
That a cool skunk has entered her life and allowed her to express herself truly.
That's why I'm smoking. Yeah, I went to the gastroenter and I said, give me your coolest cigarettes and they
spill it with a K. And look at us, just two friends smoking up.
So, what's up, six?
Smoking friends.
Julie, you're recording all this stuff.
This is evidence.
This is a evidence.
This is evidence.
I know, but I like, it feels good.
I feel like I've done, I mean, not the smoking.
The smoking feels bad.
That feels really bad.
But just to be doing it, I haven't even put it to my mouth.
I'm just holding five lit cigarettes in my hands and waving around,
I guess, a fourth of July.
And I gotta tell you it feels I
Feels right it feels regal like I'm just like like this is my tree house and I'm in charge and
Watch out you're gonna get burned. Oh God. Why can't you just be cool for once on me?
I'm an accessory is this cuz you want to clear? I walked into the wrong store, okay?
You walked in pretty confidently. I thought it was Spencer Gifts and I actually only got both of my ears
pierced. It was crazy that you're crying while they were piercing your ears,
just saying, I wouldn't be in his pasta. But teach their own. Before we look in the
future hole, is there some sort of like, let me grab my keyboard here? Look in the
future hole. We're Looking at the future hole.
Looking in the future hole.
Julie, you take it.
Ooh, when you're gonna go looking at the future hole.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
What you need, girl.
Maybe it's not what you need, but it's something else.
Yeah, looking at future hole.
What does that future hole look in much future hole. What does our future hold?
Looking the future hole.
The holes are alive with the signs of the future.
And print, cut and print.
Is that, was that what you say Ernie?
Cut and print, cut and paste, copy paste.
No, hey, I always say cut it out.
Eee heee heee.
How rude. No, hey, I always say cut it out. Eee heee heee! Heee heee! Heee heee!
Heee heee!
How rude.
Yeah, so, I mean, like, I can't put these cigarettes out.
We can go down and check it out.
I was saying, yeah, let's check out that future.
Is it under the tarp here?
Yeah, I put a tarp in case it rains.
I just don't want it. It's not good to get soggy goods from the future.
So if rain gets in the future hole, does that rain go to the future?
No. My understanding of the science of it is that just whatever comes into our world, if it's raining, it gets wet.
Oh wait, get wet. Let me grab my keyboard here. Future rain, future rain.
Is that something?
Is it?
Yeah.
Has been for about five years at this point.
Oh, I just want to point out in case it's,
and I know this is clear to listeners,
but you're not very good at playing that thing.
Come on.
Oh, wait, hold on.
You should look, I'm gonna press demo,
and Arnold thinks it's me playing...
Calypso.
Oh, not so bad now, am I?
Put hands behind head to relax?
Oh no!
Oh, what a disaster.
Quickly, pull back the top. We must know it's in the future.
Okay, I'll go first, because I'm used to it.
Now this is the fun part of the future hole.
Is that like sometimes when things come out,
you're like, I don't know what this is.
So I'll describe it to the best I can
and we can try to figure out maybe what it is
because it's on the future.
Yes.
Don't be scared.
I mean, I can see it, but it calms me
to have it described to me.
It is, it's a small computer,
and there is, like a animal on it.
There's an animal on it,
and it looks like it wants to be fed.
Otherwise, it's gonna die. It just keeps beeping.
Oh no.
It's a big responsibility.
Yeah.
Oh, looks like this one belongs to Tammy Gachi.
Oh.
That poor girl lost her pet.
We must find Tammy and return it to her immediately.
I know Tammy.
I can't hold on to it for her.
I think I'll see.
It's all enough to have. Close the loop. I can't hold on to it for her. To go see gets hold of it up.
Close the loop.
Close the loop.
How far in the future does this come?
This feels like it's maybe in the next 10 years.
Yeah.
This is, I even had a question as I was saying, is this something that just kind of, maybe
just somebody dropped in the hole from this time,
and then like I just picked it, because that happens too. I'll tell you the number of times
that somebody just kind of throws something, because if you see all, sometimes you're just like,
I'll throw something in this hole. And I will also clean those things out, and then foolishly
realize later that it was just, it was current trash. Oh, I suppose you could get something like an apple.
And that could be from the future
the past, the present who knows.
Right.
Oh yeah.
There are a lot of holes in this yard.
So I've got to imagine that sometimes you accidentally
just reach into the wrong hole.
Mm-hmm.
Heads up future.
Wh-t.
Oh, you just spit in there?
Yeah.
I was rude.
Oh, that's kind of fun.
Here, stand back.
I, an experienced time traveler,
I'm prepared to take my forearm,
place it inside the hole,
and draw out some mystical object
of great power and portant.
Here it is now, a 7-11 episode two attack of the clones cup.
Hmm.
Okay, well...
Arnie, spoiler. They're making more Star Wars movies in the future.
What?
That one looks like it's gonna be good.
Oh, wow. It looks so good.
I can only imagine the only thing that could be better
is whatever comes after it.
Don't say anything, Chuck.
Let them live in this blissful state for a while longer.
God damn fools. Just a couple of God damn fools. They'll stop at five right?
They'll be like five's a good number. Yeah good round number. I guess is it my turn?
I'm scared I know this whole goes to the future but I always worry about snakes. Am I the only one
that every any time I see a hole in the ground,
I just worry there's a snake in there?
I only worry about that when I see boots.
I will say that 75% of the other holes on this one
are full of snakes.
Oh, what?
Okay.
That's why we have the top on it,
so we know which one is the least not the snake hole.
Okay.
Ooh, okay.
Before I put my hand in, have you ever reached in
and gotten a future snake?
Oh.
Yeah, twice.
One time it was a real snake
and one time it was a party snake.
Do you ever see a party snake?
I haven't.
No, that's a future thing.
Yeah, it's real fun.
It comes in like a can that says like mix nuts.
And you're like, whoa, that's cool.
Like some generic cannon nuts.
This should be good.
Feels like a good deal.
It's not like a brand name.
And then you open it up and snake pops out.
And you're like, they got me.
I hear this loud and clear. and snake pops out and you're like, they got me.
I hear this loud and clear for I find nothing more of vaccine here in this 1989 time period upon Earth
than the high price of nuts.
Okay, I'm gonna reach in.
Okay, this feels safe.
Huh, I got a magazine from far off in the future.
Wow!
Looks like the office manager from Designing Women
is gonna go on a real run of comeback roles.
Good for her!
Ha-ha-ha!
Ooh, me next!
Me next!
Okay.
All right, chunk, here you go.
Pull something good.
All right, just put my paws in the grab bag here and...
Ooh! Aren't you look at this?
Candy cane tripler?
Is this somebody having a penny?
Yeah, I'll just use my claws. I have claws.
1000.
Uh-huh.
Money bag.
Come on.
20 dollars.
Money bag.
Candy cane.
I don't know what I-
Money bag!
It says I've won $1,000 a week for the rest of my life.
Excellent, we have done it, we have defeated the system,
and now we shall take the money back from those in power
who have kept it from us for so long.
But what date is on there?
Because that's probably when you can start collecting.
Yeah, oh yeah, it says, uh, turn in by 2022.
Fuck. In 20 years, I'm going to be filthy fucking rich. 30 years?
Yes, 30. 40 years. 30 years. That was all sound right.
Can we circle back for a minute? Which home was the office manager?
This one. Look at the cover of this magazine.
Her name is Jean Smart, it says here.
Oh, Jean, okay.
Yes, you know her.
She had that wonderful run on Frazier in its later years.
Oh, damn.
What?
Frazier?
You mean Cheers.
Ah, yes, of course.
I meant Cheers, which will still be on the air for another four years, at least maybe hundreds who knows?
Julie, can I talk to you for a second?
Sure.
You may know something about this because it sounds like you've been reaching into this future hole bunch.
You sort of keep bringing up
Frazier from Cheers and then stopping himself in a really ominous way.
I'm really worried that something really awful is going to happen to the whole world because of Frazier.
I don't know, but I will say that I did pull out a newspaper from year 2021, which is approximately one year before chunk can redeem his money.
I'd still not clear on how many candy canes or money bags you needed to make that happen.
He could have misread that.
We'll replay the tape.
We'll find out what it was.
But on this newspaper, it said,
Frazier, reboot.
Frazier.
Frazier reboot. Iszier. Frazier reboot.
Is a robot.
He's a reboot?
He's getting rebooted.
Frazier crane on that show
proof from the future
is a robot.
Oh my god, I would have guessed I am.
I mean, there could be more robots.
We don't know.
On this particular day
he needed to be rebooted.
Oh, God. Julie, don't you get scared of the future?
You spend so much time just putting your hand deep into the future.
No. I think like I have such a tangible grasp on the future because I literally pull things from it.
That it doesn't scare me anymore because it's like taking it in bits and pieces.
Like, you know, you pull something out and you're like, okay, like this is what a cookie is, you know, down the road.
Like this is what music is going to look like.
And then I don't have a way to play it.
And then like a few days later, I pull something out and we're like, does this go together?
You try to shove it in there.
It doesn't work.
You're like, this is no good. I have a pile of things that I just don't know what to do with.
And I guess I'm not afraid because I can't wait for things to make sense.
Like I feel like the rest of my life is going to be filled with like seeing something that I've seen before and going, oh, because no one can explain to me what it is right now.
So like in the future, I find comfort in the fact
that I know what the fuck is happening.
I'm sorry I said it again.
I just, no, stop.
You're gonna have to burn this whole thing.
I'm so gonna get into trouble, but also I don't care.
All right, chunk, do you want some of these limited edition caramel apple Oreos or this?
Oh, this edition of becoming by Michelle Obama.
Um, is, let's see, are the Oreos signed?
They are signed by Michelle Obama.
Wow. I've always wanted to eat it on a graph. I'll take the Oreos.
There you go. I would have kept them if they were signed by a caramel apple.
All right, let me reach in again.
Whoa!
Hong Kong!
Already Julie used to door hop in.
I got a 2012 Dodgy Durango.
Let's go for a spin, baby.
Can you drive?
I don't know.
I don't think any of us can.
How did you fit that through the hole? Me? I didn't put it through. I don't think any of us can. How did you fit that through the hole?
Me? I didn't- I didn't put it through, I pulled it out.
That part makes sense.
Mmm.
Oh, what the fuck? Who did that?
Someone just spit on the top of my head.
That was you. That was your spit from a little while ago.
Fuck me. What?
I'm sorry.
You're just gonna do it again.
Yeah, we'll see.
Wait, wait, wait.
That doesn't make any sense because that would have been...
The past.
Also, I don't know if anyone else noticed it,
but it really didn't make sense how that car came out of that hole.
I got to say, within the few minutes that we were gathering around the future hole, I think
we may have shimmyed over to a different hole.
I have a feeling.
Ow, ow, yeah, definitely because I have a snake on my paw.
Ow, ow, get it off, pull it off, pull it off.
I got it, I have, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, I think that this is a different hole. And so maybe the past and the future are linked
between these holes. I have never engaged with this hole before.
Well, you should or don't you always say that if time and space is ever ripped apart,
you have to have two sides of the coin, right? You can't just have access to the future,
or just access to the past. In the same area, you have to have access to the future or just access to the past in the same area you have to have access to both.
Oh yes, the universe is very good at reinstituting its own balance. If it finds that there is some
imbalance it very often through entropy or entropy, it reexerts its own state of balance.
What's another word for balance? I've said it too many times.
Makinations.
Whoa, I just pulled something else. Arnie, look at this.
Yeah, it's a brochure for OU Athens. Wow.
Oh, it's a college in southern Ohio.
No, it's just one sheet, it's not a collage.
dummy.
Bonnie, here's another item of portant, a DVD copy of legally blonde two.
DVD?
What?
Oh no, Julie, that's it, that's the sound, that's the phrasier sound.
What?
Quick chunk, hide this season seven box set of Frazier.
Uh, uh, uh, let me put it in the past.
Uh, we may have messed with this too much.
And by we, I mean, I may have messed with this a little bit too much,
so I don't know what's going to happen here.
Like, the holes seem to be converging.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it looks like they're trying to kiss.
Oh. Something else just hit me in the head.
What is this?
From 2032, it's a DZD copy of Illigally Blonde?
All right, what's happening?
I don't know. Oh, God.
Parents, parents were right.
If we don't stop playing with these holes,
something bands gonna happen.
Wait, sing that.
We'll get my keyboard. If we don't stop playing with these wholesome bands gonna happen. Wait, sing that. Let me get my keyboard.
If we don't stop playing with these wholesome bands gonna happen girl.
Star Wars Episode 12 Kythe Rens back and has a shirt off again. What an odd subtitle.
I'm sorry that I brought you into this. I feel like that this
moment is the beginning of something terrible. Oh, yes, that's often the way our show goes. This is our first time on your show, though.
So I don't know that it always goes terrible here.
I'm not a good host. I've sort of just let this ramble and haven't wrangled anyone in any way whatsoever. So I'm gonna try to pull it together and just say,
to Andrews, checking in, if you're still listening,
this is still cold watch, but we have moved outside,
we are down in the deep, we are in the hole,
we are next to the future hole and the past hole.
Two holes close to each other, cheek to cheek, right there,
ready for the taking. We have dipped our hands into both holes, we've discovered things, we've hidden things to each other, cheek to cheek, right there, ready for the taking. We have dipped
our hands into both holes. We've discovered things. We've hidden things from each other. I think
that this show is no longer about cults. I think that we're looking deeper than that. I think that
this show is now about holes. Wow. Oh, that's a shame.
Holes.
A circle.
A snake eating its own tail.
An aura boris.
Let me, where's that boot?
Let me, I'm going to put the head of the snake in the future and the tail of the snake
in the past.
Who do you rip that snake apart?
You rip that snake in.
Oh my gosh.
That was awful watch.
Oh, it is.
Inside the snake we're party snakes. Oh, fun. Okay, that was awful watch. Oh, it is inside the snake or party snakes.
A good button.
Okay, that turned out okay.
Well, I'm disappointed about the format of your show
because while I was down at the stable
was watching all those cults,
I did join a couple of other cults this week.
Oh, okay, we can switch back,
we can circle it back around.
Briefly, on whole watch, back to the cult beat,
could cult beat. Here we go, swinging it back around.
What's new, Mr. Euse-Dor?
Well, I was hanging around out back where some of the jockeys were, and one of them
asked me if I'd ever joined the blood cult, and I was like, yes, obviously.
And he said, well, do you want to do it again?
And I said, sure, no problem. So I gave him a little bit of my blood,
and he said, now we are bound together forever
in likeness and power.
And I said, oh, okay, great.
Let me know if you ever need anyone to smite it.
Wait, are you saying that you gave some random dude
in 1989 Ohio the powers of a wizard?
I know, no, I said I gave him some blood,
because we were joining a blood cult, and that's what you do.
He's a jockey?
I'm not sure. He was hanging around with the jockeys out behind the stables, so
could have been a jockey? He looked a little tall to be a jockey, honestly, you know, usually
jockeys are of a somewhat smaller stature as it allows them to put less weight on top of the horse.
You as I would say, I don't know, six eight or so?
Six eight!
Yeah, probably not a jockey, but I can't say that for sure, who knows?
We don't know his life.
Arnie, Arnie, you...
Hey, you grow up to be my best friend. I've told you that, right?
Yeah, it's a weird thing to tell person. Yeah, I'm especially a kid. I'm so sorry. Listen, like if it's gonna happen, let it happen I know I know I'm sorry, but listen, I'm an awkward little kid with social eye anxiety
I know that's all the same as yeah, for a second
Like literally
Why the teacher's like you know I'm depending on you to save all the food in the future.
I don't you know that?
You, sir, that's a lot to put on, kid.
It's you, or everyone dies.
Give me some space.
Arnie, buddy, because you grow to be my best friend,
I can't hide this from you, okay?
Uh-huh.
You, sir, are wanting me to hide this box DVD set of Frazier.
But I just can't do it.
I have to be honest with you here.
Take this.
Use it for good.
What?
I don't understand anything.
I'm seeing on the front of this box.
I'm sorry.
This has been telling me up inside.
I didn't want to have to tell you about the things
that happen in the future, but now that the secret is out.
Yes.
What's gonna happen to Boston?
There's a spin-off from Cheers called Frazier
that focuses on the love life and the new
career of that titular character, Frazier Crane.
Why do they put this weird new building up in Boston?
I don't understand.
Now he moves to Seattle and has a whole new cast of colorful characters surrounding him.
And the dog dies.
Does anybody want some scrambled eggs? My mom made some.
Can I have some salad with mine? No, it's not a salad day. That sounds like truck fist. I want
topper. You say truck fist. I want to get to truck fist. Isn't that coming to the Columbus
Civic Center? Yeah. I think it's the only thing they ever have at the Columbus Civic Center.
Yeah, it's every other week is truck fast.
And then on the off-weeks is duck fast.
Makes it easier with the signs.
You only have to change the first letters.
Wait.
Well, you saw a diagom and you go see if we can get some Tupperware from Julie's mom
and we'll be right back with more- oh, uh, Julie, I'm being so rude.
This is your podcast.
I'm just hosting a podcast in the future.
No, I appreciate the help
because I'm not very good at it.
And again, don't know what a podcast is.
Yeah, how do you throw the break?
How do I throw the break?
I go, I go, woo, we gotta pee.
And then I press the stop.
No, you just burp it.
Once you put it all around, then you just pull back the one side of it like this chunk
and then that burps the top and seals the freshness in.
Oh, you boys get it.
You can buy any time, okay?
Thank you, Mrs. Andrews.
Thank you, Mrs. Andrews.
Oh, I'm just so glad to see my Julie with somebody, with some friends.
Oh, yes, yeah.
I'm a very good friend and her chemistry teacher.
Oh, that's not inappropriate.
Thanks again, Mrs. Andrews.
And like we agreed upon, I'll be by to clean the pool tomorrow.
Oh, I can't wait.
Oh, first we got to finish digging it. Oh,
we have fun. Okay, going back in. Bye. That's why there are so many holes that put
in a pool. This is I hate to say it weird family. Yeah, my mom's been talking about a pool
for a while. When she gets mad at my dad, she digs a hole. Oh.
Yeah, it's been going off and on for years. It's like, he's like, we're not getting a damn pool.
Wow.
And she's like, I'll make a pool and then she digs a hole.
But then she gives up because she realizes there's a lot more involved in making a pool than just digging a hole.
Sure. And then she's spent a lot of your time in the backyard playing in these weird holes.
There's a lot to unpack here psychologically.
Yeah.
Does she put snakes in the holes or do they just find their way in?
They find their way in.
I think they sense the tension.
Gotta get out of that house.
Me?
Oh, I met the snakes.
They were looking for a place to hide.
Yes.
Yeah, probably you two.
No, it's fine.
It's, it feels like a normal amount of banter
and frustration with, you know, suburbia.
Sure.
You know, Chilli, I feel like if all the kids in our grade,
like you seem like the most ready to be a grown-up a little bit.
Yeah, I've always thought of myself as perpetually 60,
you know, like my whole life. It's like that feels like what I've always thought of myself as perpetually 60, you know, like my whole life.
It's like that feels like what I've been rotating around with my sensibilities,
but you know, it's fine. I'll grow into my age.
Yeah, just like 40-something years.
Yeah, ish.
I can't do the exact math.
No, math is hard.
Yeah, no, I know that feeling. Being born from a conspiracy of bird and rain and wind and fire and...
...acron.
It took me so while to achieve comfort at my current age since I looked so old when I was born.
Yeah.
Yes, I looked exactly like this.
Was that hard?
It was hard times. For sometimes I felt very useful
and very foolish even though I appeared to be wizard.
Well, enough about me.
I think I'm like afraid of the future,
but I also think someday when I'm an adult,
things will be easy and good.
It's just like whatever,
I just don't know what it takes to get there, right?
Like, how do you get to the future, you know?
Maybe you get there in a 2012.gay Durengo.
Should we try?
Should we try?
How did that happen?
I still understand how that happened.
There's a lot of holes came from somewhere.
Yeah, we should try it.
Let's get in the car.
Let's all get in, all right.
So let me just, okay, I'm a little short here.
Let me just, see if I can shape-shift into something.
A little bit taller.
There we go, the shape-shifted into a tall skunk.
Ooh.
All right, let me check the mirrors here.
That is, that's unnerving. I know.
So I'm like room back here. What is that skunk six eight?
Why is it unsettling me?
Don't worry about it. Let me just put my seat back here.
You still have room?
Are your legs okay?
No, I'm quite cramped now.
Okay.
Julie, yeah.
I hate to say it.
I can't say it to his face.
There's no way I would ever be best friends
with this tall skunk in the future.
It's like, I was fine with him
and it's fine, but right now in this situation,
like I don't wanna be biased, but it's unnerving.
Like how long he is now as a skunk. Like it's like not, it's like it's weird.
And also I wasn't aware nobody glued me in on the shape shifting thing. So this is also brand new information for me.
I'm just taking it all in. Yeah, I'm sorry. Don't be.
You know why we're at it? The chemistry teacher's a wizard. Yeah, that's kind of like, oh, okay'm sorry. Don't be you know why we're at it the art chemistry teachers a wizard. Yeah, I kind of like oh
Okay, sorry. Yeah, there's a lot. I mean I like it on in my life Julie
Stop moving the damn seat back. Sorry. I'm six eight. Okay
All right, all right. Let's see here. Oh
Here's oh, what's this? There's like a little metal wand that was tucked up
up here and fell down when I's this? There's like a little metal wand that was tucked up up here.
It fell down when I moved this Pfizer, okay.
Let me point the little metal wand and go.
Drive, use your help. Arath-Tron-to-Havash-Chach-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-H Oh, I saw the cotton jump. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, my lady. Oh boy, it's moving pretty slow.
Can I, let me,
let me,
probably be faster than the legs.
Well, I don't want the wheels to crush the legs.
Ah, fine, if you don't want legs,
or, or, or,
or,
or,
or,
or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or. Yeah, really, that hurt a little bit. You should be able to drive now chunk, I believe.
Okay, let me pick up this little metal wand again and drive.
It goes in the hole.
Oh, let me...
Yeah! That's your solution for everything. I just threw it in the in the future hole.
No!
What?
Oh, he said it goes in the hole.
I- there's a... I've been practicing with my mom.
It goes in the little like, there's an ignition beside.
So it's like the key, that's a key.
And then you put it in the ignition and turn it.
And that's all.
Say that next time.
Sorry, I got distracted because you were
an extremely long scum.
Yeah.
And then the car head legs.
So yeah, there's a lot going on for me too.
Wait, let me fuck it. I'm just gonna get out of the car and I'm gonna go get it. Whop!
Did he just go into the future hole? I guess so. I guess we'll never see him again.
Oh, I came out. I wanted a future hole, I came out the past hole.
Oh, oh, I should explain myself.
I'm wearing what's called skinny jeans.
Now they're different from boot cut and that they taper off towards the end.
I don't know how to explain this to you all.
This is so, this must be blowing your mind.
Um, why would jeans be so tight?
How do you move?
How do you do carpentry?
Where's the loop for your hammer?
Right.
Listen, too many questions.
I don't know what all I see and I don't know where all I've been.
All I know is I got these skinny jeans.
Is this the same chunk that went into the hole?
Or do we have to kill him? Oh, I hole? Or do we have to kill him?
Oh, I don't know if we have to kill him,
but he's probably not the same one.
He's probably from a slightly different universe, you know.
But we'll just take this one.
It's fine.
Okay.
I just felt like it was worth saying
based on the journey he just went through.
Sure.
That we weren't totally clear on who just came out
in skinny jeans.
I'm still the same chunk. Ooh, good black, BBEE!
It's kind of like a...
Take a penny, leave a penny kind of thing, right?
Exactly, yes, exactly.
You understand perfectly, Arnold.
Uh, even if this isn't art, chunk, it's a chunk that we have.
And it's possible he is the same chunk, but he's been altered by his experiences.
Why, if you, Julien Drus, would go into the time hole
or find Nine's self traveling through the mystical realms
of the universe, you would be quite transformed,
and though you may be the same, you would not be the same.
Okay, but what if we threw chunk back through the past hole?
Yeah, let's give it a shot.
Wait, wait, wait, what?
What? Okay. What? What? tall yeah let's give it a shot okay okay now he's back to the future hole yeah
seems like every setting perfectly well done did you guys see a six eight
dude Laskini jeans you punch me in the face and jump through so whoa that was
not you no didn't you notice it was a human man? Huh. Ah, I'm not good with faces.
What the fuck you guys, little help?
Anyway.
What, what guy, are we okay?
We should be a sign up.
I'm fine with these holes.
I can't stop.
Look, Julie, I'm sorry.
I think I gotta get home in time for dinner.
And also, I got kind of a busy evening plan.
I'm a little worried that my neighbor is killing people.
So I'm gonna try to work up some courage
and break into his house tonight
and sort of see if he's a murderer or something
and try to get it recorded on my tape recorder.
So if you ever see me again, I've probably been killed.
Okay.
I know that's a lot.
I know that's a lot to lay on you.
Yeah.
But it's not like I'm telling you that we're going to be best friends in the future or anything like that.
No, no, but yeah, okay, be careful.
Thanks.
Yeah, and maybe like, yeah, just like leave a rock outside my house or something.
If you're okay.
Okay.
Well, I guess you could come see me if you're okay, but if you're not, if you're not okay.
Yeah.
Also, if there's any past or future stuff you don't want, or you think it's gonna maybe mess up the timeline,
feel free to put it in the car.
I'll just fly that into a volcano.
I think you at this point, you can just take whatever you want. Feel free to put it in the car. I'll just fly that into a volcano.
I think at this point, you can just take whatever you want.
All right.
Like all that stuff is very clear.
Yeah, just start on the car.
Throw it in the front seat.
I'll burn it up on a volcano.
You said, or you did it.
You invented 1-800 junk.
The prophecy has been fulfilled.
I've done it.
And now I shall return to the realms of Ephesius.
Nope, got something else to do.
Do you have room for more junk in the trunk?
You know it.
You know, there's a lot of rocks back here.
So if I, if I am okay, I'm just going to come and tell you because the,
I think the rocks thing will just be confusing.
Yeah, I realized when I said that I was like the kind of thing I'm like,
let me know if you're okay, but really you could let me know if you're okay.
But if you're not okay, it is the absence of, of anything.
Yeah.
So that's what I will look for to know what's happening.
volcano fly volcano fly fly to the volcano goodbye
so long farewell adviders saying goodbye I'd be to say goodbye. I hope you burn and soon we will die
No, okay, that was weird. I'm sorry. I was trying to rhyme
I was trying you know when you really force a rhyme and then you're like, uh, this isn't what I'm trying to say but
Yeah, I was one of my rare singing spells
stupid julie anders
Bye I just want to buy rare singing spells stupid julie anders Bye
See you for survive, okay
We're gonna go with honey goodbye. Do you really bye?
Goodbye tell your mom. I'll see you tomorrow. Okay
Okay, this is
End of episode of cold Watch, slash whole watch, slash Juliana
on the only road I've ever known.
Okay, this is episode 42 of Colt Watch.
I'm Julie Andrews.
I'm your host.
Sometimes I have other people here today.
I don't.
So it's just me, Julie Andrews, with special guest, Julie Andrews, and the whole.
We're here.
Camped out at the future hole.
I haven't been able to pull anything out of this in days.
I keep trying.
I keep putting my hand in there and just trying to get something out of it.
Nothing's coming out.
I haven't seen Arnie in a while.
I hope he's okay.
Young woman, there is no easy way to get around this.
I am a stranger in a raincoat approaching you.
And I just want to be really upfront about that
to make sure you're all right with that.
I have been preparing for this day
for most of my life.
Continue.
What a relief.
I have been watching you for some time again
in just a friendly manner, just gathering information.
And I have the reason why you're not pulling anything else
out of your time hole.
OK.
Is it broken?
Did I break it?
No, it's because you've taken all of my stuff.
What?
That's my storage facility.
And I left a little, just like a sort of a back door
into it, thinking, who is going to fill their backyard
full of holes? And now I reached in it, thinking, who is gonna fill their backyard full of holes?
And now I reached in it one night,
just a few nights ago, while everyone was asleep,
just hoping to peruse through my copy of
the women of designing women weekly,
and it's gone, all of it's gone,
or rather everything within arms reach is gone,
and then I see you out here rooting through it,
and I want to just come and explain to you what you're doing.
Seems like they could have made that title a little cleaner.
It's wordy.
It takes up most of the cover.
But what's inside are just some hot stories
about each and every lead in designing women.
Yeah, no, it's a good one.
I've enjoyed looking at it. I'm sorry, I didn't know this was your stuff. No, it's a good one. I've enjoyed looking at it.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know this was your stuff.
No, how could you?
And I'm curious.
I'm explorative.
I'm a person who wants to know what things are.
And so I'm so sorry.
And we drove all your stuff into a volcano.
Yes.
You know, I had thought that Dodge Durango
might come in handy at some point.
So to find that it had instead be driven into a volcano
was kind of a disappointment.
Though I do admire your curiosity.
Some people might have stopped
after the first party snake,
but you just kept reaching.
And I applaud that.
They're always a delight.
You know, it's like you think you're gonna tire of it?
Oh, it never gets old. No, no, if they pop out and
you're just like, I even knew it was gonna happen. Like I saw a
generic potato chip can. And I thought, Julie, here we go again,
this is a generic can. You shake it. There's not a chip
rattle happening. And then I still, it still got me.
You know what, the first time it's a surprise,
Yeah.
Times after that, it's a friend you're happy to see.
Well, that's nice.
Well, but now they're all gone.
Yeah.
Because you just kept reaching,
you emptied out that entire storage facility.
I mean, I had them peppered, you know,
throw out a lot of different places,
but this one nearly empty now. I mean I had them peppered, you know, throughout a lot of different places, but
this one nearly empty now.
I'm sorry, were you holding on to that stuff for a reason? Because maybe, I don't know,
I'm always trying to think it like the good side of things, it's like maybe it was time to let go.
You know, I'd never thought of it that way. I mean, I admit I'd been
saving season seven of Frazier when they finally answer all the
mysteries they've been carefully constructing through the first six seasons.
Who shot his father?
Why, please don't spoil it for me.
Now, well, I can't.
I don't know the answers.
You took my box set of Frazier, and it's gone now.
But maybe I was holding on to it too much.
Maybe it was time to let that tomogachi die.
In a way, I can say, thank you.
I don't need physical items to be okay.
I don't know that I need the storage facility itself.
I really, I pulled that out of my butt
and I'm glad that you went with it,
that it was an okay explanation.
You just pull things out of places, don't you?
That's what you do.
I'm explore.
Well, there's more.
As you can see, your backyard holes have become unstable.
I had one going to the future.
You know, the farther in you reach, the further you go.
You've probably figured that out by now.
Another going to the past,
because it's always good to leave some things there.
They're not that curious.
They're not going to find it.
They've gotten too close through way too much overuse of all your reaching and exploring.
They've got to be shut down, and that can only be done from within.
Are you going in?
Are you going in?
I have to.
That's why I'm here.
These things are going to grow and expand until they consume all of Akron.
And while that might be an exciting prospect to some,
it would set a whole bunch of things out of whack in this time period.
It's got to be shut down, child.
And you have that large suitcase with you? You're just gonna go with that large suitcase.
Oh, did you happen to notice my steamer trunk
covered with stickers of other planets and worlds?
Yeah.
All right, well, nice talking to you.
See you around the bend.
Are you ready to be freaked out?
What?
There's a bunch of equipment on the other end that's going to close
down this portal, but as you can see I'm one let's say human in a big floppy
raincoat. I can't shut it down myself. Okay, so now my whole plan was to sneak
in your steamer trunk. I was good about to get in there and make you take that. Yeah, when that been fun, that's fun.
When that been fun, then we get through the hole.
And I'm like, oh, I walked all over it.
No, no, it's, I mean, I honestly, the fact
that you willingly want me to go, like this is very exciting.
I've been waiting for a moment like this where it's like, you
know, things just turn a corner.
And I can feel it.
And it feels dangerous, you know, things just turn a corner and I can feel it and it feels dangerous,
but okay, dangerous.
Like, I can read the signs.
So yeah, I don't have to casually.
I have to tell you, child, coming through this rift,
there's no promise that you'll ever return here.
Although I suppose you could say, at one time,
there was also no promise
that we would never return to this period.
And yet here we seem to be again.
So let's not call it an ironclad promise.
Right.
But it is not certain that you will return to this time period.
Okay.
You seem real ready to just walk away.
Anyone you want to say goodbye to or anything?
Yeah, give me a second.
Hey, mom have fun. Are your friends here? No, just don't, when you come back
in be quiet, okay? Because I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be exercising and I don't want
a distraction because it ruins my flow okay so just be quiet because I got a
Jane Fonda okay I'm gonna Jane Fonda and then we'll see what we want to do for
dinner okay okay
I'm ready I've heard about the earth ritual of exercise and how it requires absolute silence.
She gets really bothered because sometimes the other people in the exercise video have
banter or an expression or they're enjoying themselves and she feels like if she misses
something.
Oh, context is critical.
I mean, the pounds don't come off unless you understand what's happening in the background. I've walked in a couple of times
like during like a sweat into the oldies that she really got bothered. So it
sounds like there's nothing for you here. Yeah there were we're good. We have
more of just a professional relationship so I think I'm ready to leave. All right.
As you can see I mean mean, you know this.
The hole's not that big.
And you have a Dodge Durango drove through it.
So I think it might be just more comfortable
if each of us kind of pushes ourselves through at once.
Does that sound fair?
So what do we have to do?
Is the thing that we have to like turn off
like directly on the other side?
Or is it like are we reaching in like what is
What should I be expecting once we go in to that hole everything?
Okay, and anything
But we are going to my swords. Physically. I mean it's fun to build these things up
But no, it's a place that I ran to it's a pretty reasonable fee. Okay. We'll be working from there. Okay. But it can be rough on the eyes sometimes. When you go through,
you know, it's a huge shift in time, energy, etc. You probably want to go in backwards. You want to
keep your eyes closed. I think it's good. It keeps the lungs kind of functioning and supple, maybe go in with a little tune.
Okay, so turn it around, close your eye. Am I going first or you going first?
You know, I've done it before, but I think it's fun to kind of feel it out.
And it's going to ruin some of the surprise if I just do it for you.
So go for it.
Okay.
Signing off, dear followers, patrons.
Everybody who's followed me on this journey this way.
Sorry, I have to just monologue for a minute into my show.
Oh no, no, no, absolutely go for it.
You wouldn't want to leave those three people at the public library hanging.
You're generous.
This is Julie Andrews, um, about to going into what I have commonly referred to as the future hole.
Clearly something that I didn't know what it was.
I've been told what it is, but with just enough detail to leave mystery on the table.
I think you for being along with me on this journey.
Cold watch, hold watch, hold watch, out.
Got a pee. Bye. That's some fine branding. It's a nice way to wrap up that show. cold watch out gotta pee by.
That's some fine branding. It's a nice way to wrap up that show. I've got to say.
Yeah, I feel like it's a little rambling, but you know what? There's something for everyone.
Okay. Turn it around. Close your eyes. Sing a song.
And mean it. Queen drops on roses and hoiskers on children.
Bright, carbon-nettles and spoons full of gillants.
And she's gone. She did it.
That song was perfect. I've never heard anyone go through the future hole that way before.
She actually got the name exactly right. It's a future hole.
We worked shopped a lot of more complicated names and then we were like,
Why are we reinventing the future hole? And now for me...
The moons of your reignness with all of its rings.
These are a few of my favourites. Wait, I'm in this episode 2?
Jeez Louise, Ed Harris.
Can you stay out of the Truman show for like an hour?
How strange to hear that young foolish version of myself still living in the childlike belief
that Niles and Daphne could never make it work.
Oh, it's all coming back now.
Things got crazy on the other side of that future hole.
You know that saying, you can take a child to the future,
and you can take a child to outer space.
But you shouldn't do both.
I know it's easier to recognize when embroidered.
Would a transmission of that event even exist?
And could I find it from Italy?
Probably not.
This discussion is over.
Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young.
Chunk the cool skunk was played by Adolf Refy.
Julie Andrews, the 13-year-old friend of Arnie, host of cassette tape-based show Cult
Watch, was played by Brooke Bright.
Brooke is currently directing the game Job Job, coming out this fall as part of the Jackbox
Party Pack 8. The, uh, charismatic nuance stranger in a trench coat was played by, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm respectively. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp, Matt Young and Adolfi,
post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, earwolf producer Kimi Lucas.
This episode edited by Chris Rathchin. Special assistance slathered on generously by Ryan
to Georgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan, special 1989 theme music by
Andy Poland. Now I'd love to walk you through my plan to escape from here, but that lemon-chello
fountains not gonna drink itself.
Ah.
Bing-bong.
Ha-ha-ha.
E-S.
Bing-bong-e-s.
Bing-bong-e-s.
Yeah.
Woo. BONG E-S Bing BONG E-S
Yeah!
Woo!
Well, this is chunk song, this is chunk song,
Hey motherfuckers listen up to chunk song!
I once was chunced, but now, and chunk,
Was badger now, I'm skunk but holes but holes I have two holes
one poops the other poops both poops Wow mine was a long one.
Yeah.
you