Hello From The Magic Tavern - INTERLUDE - 1989: Julie's Cult Watch

Episode Date: July 5, 2021

Another cassette tape from 1989 Ohio, this time hosted by Julie, 13-year old Arnie's friend, who has a mysterious Future Hole in her backyard.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsido...re: Matt YoungJulie Andrews: Brooke Breit Mysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Chris RathjenSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandUsidore Theme Song: Meridith Stepien and Nick GageYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:00:49 People of Earth. I've really let you down this week, and in a much more specific way than you've come to expect. I got so caught up with the Baker-owned Biscotti demonstration that I forgot to intercept this week's transmission. Yes, I'm still trapped in Italy, and what's this in my pocket? Why it's another of those cassette tapes I found in the Institute, from when Usador and Shant showed up in 1989. Except this one reads, mmm, the ink is smudged here, Julie's cult watch.
Starting point is 00:01:14 Oh, that's right, Arnie had that schoolmate Julie, who cared her and a tape recorder for her pretend talk show. Spoiler alert, someone will be applying to Julieard someday. Well, audience, you've got an exceptionally low bar for audio entertainment, and I've got a cassette player I just made from half a Panini press. Shall we? Okay, this is Julie Andrews, we're here in episode 29 of... Cold! This is Julie Andrews. We're here in episode 29 of Cold. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa earlier episodes, like I'd be like, coo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo- So it's like it's amazing you can keep it fresh. Yeah, I mean I've had no complaints.
Starting point is 00:02:25 Also, it's all on cassette tape. So I don't know who would complain because I don't know who else is hurting it. But I keep leaving them at the library hoping somebody's gonna pick them up. Oh, that's a great idea. I like to do every recording as if someday someone is going to find them and submit them to the public record. Yeah, Yeah. We're like, um, like somebody's going to find it, like find all those tapes and then maybe by then I've been taken. And so it's like, we'll be, and it could be released into the greater world as a, like a real life drama situation,
Starting point is 00:03:02 but then like also heightened up for drama, so maybe it's like inspired by a true story, but not a true story. Should Julie be mind if I say, like I've noticed some of the teachers have started talking about how much you talk about being taken at school, and like there were, there's a little bit of concern. Like you're constantly talking about how someday you'll be abducted.
Starting point is 00:03:26 I was just walking by the teacher's lounge and it seemed like a topic that comes up quite a bit. How often are you walking by the teacher's lounge in how often do you stay long enough to hear them talking about something? Because honestly, I feel like if you're saying it's happening often, then you might have a problem.
Starting point is 00:03:47 Yeah, I feel more comfortable around adults, and I walk really slow past doors. I don't know if you really need to worry about it, as long as your father has a certain set of skills. Huh? I don't know that Julie really needs to worry about this as long as her father has a certain set of skills she should be fine eventually. Yeah, speaking of taking, I am absolutely taken with this news story about a nationwide search for the casting of a movie called Rob Roy. It's coming out soon, I don't know when, but I'm so excited! Also Arnie, you know how um, yesterday I I told you I wanna start my own 80s band?
Starting point is 00:04:27 Mm-hmm. What you just said would make a great song title. I like walking slowly past closed doors. Is that what it was? Yeah, I walk slowly past closed doors. I walk, can you sing it? I walk slowly. Nice place.
Starting point is 00:04:40 Walking slowly past closed doors. I walk and slowly past closed doors. I walk and slowly pass those doors. I'm walking alone because that's between classes or it's during class. And you're one of those doors opens and an arm grabs you and you're taken. Oh, I know this is your show. Julie, do you mind if I play my theme song? Yeah, I don't have one. Oh, that was very good. Do you guys mind if I play mine? Oh, sh was very good. Uh, do you guys mind if I play mine?
Starting point is 00:05:45 Uh, oh, shit. Yeah. Okay, here it goes. This is Master of Light and Shadow of Ticam To follow a chaos Who's the door of the Sheldon Draked or sought to escape The elves tried to be a Gale-eggastic Through all the lonely seas
Starting point is 00:06:20 No one has got the way He is the main star You see us knowing those cascades made us all That was very excellent too And you guys mind if I just do mine as well? Uh-huh, okay Woo! Well, this is chunk song This is chunk song
Starting point is 00:06:44 Hey, motherfuckers, listen up to Chunk Song. I'm not gonna ask anyone's permission, I'm playing mine. Oh, that was also quite excellent. I must say, I believe, Arnold. This is what you would call a guest appearance. These sort of cross-promotional opportunities are very integral to the work you will do in the future. Yeah, I'm excited to be, instead of doing my own show, I guess the Peerian Joy Show. Hold watch.
Starting point is 00:07:31 Yeah, it's less of a show and more of just like an experience. Because I don't really have a high production value. I mean, I appreciate everybody coming to the tree house. There's not great acoustics, but it's spacious. And my mom says that like, I can keep the bean bag chairs up here as long as I don't get them dirty. And so far, so good. What do your downloads look like?
Starting point is 00:07:53 What do my downloads look like? Yeah, how many listens you getting? Oh, I told you. Whenever I crank one out, I leave it at the public library and I put a little note on it and then, please enjoy. So I don't know who's listened to them. Nobody's written and you know it's back and most of them have not left the pile. Do you have a discord going? Got some ad sales going away. How are you, how are you monetizing?
Starting point is 00:08:15 Arnie, I've been cranking one out and leaving it at the library too. Oh, what? That's it. Well, I'm very excited for, a, I did some research this week. I spent many days down at the stables watching all manner of cult. And I watched even one of them as a churned the age of five and became an adult male horse. Oh.
Starting point is 00:08:40 OK. So Mr. Yusudor, that's a, um, that's a cult. Right. Right. And I'm on cult watch. Right. It best a cult, a cult. Yes, right. Are you saying? Are we saying, let's say at the same time, one, two, three, cold. Cold. You waited. You waited. You stood there, you dummy. What? Where are you trying to get away with you, Zidane?
Starting point is 00:09:11 I'm not trying to get away with anything. I just was simply spent my part of my week watching Young Male Horses. Yeah, and I was also on the lookout for cold watch. And I was watching TV as I do most days here in the 80s. And I saw a man in a cape with the most beautiful smile. And he told me that there was 45 cults, and he was the most charming, beautiful man.
Starting point is 00:09:33 I would follow him anywhere. Oh, I saw him do. He is very attractive. Yes, Billy the Williams. D. Ah, Billy the Williams. Well, my report I'm bringing to the table is the fact that my mom is a part of a Tupperware club. So, they have all been coming over and they are trying to sell each other from what I've
Starting point is 00:09:57 understood the plastic Tupperware is like the, you know, the stack and then like, you don't have to worry about the lids and like it sounds super convenient but I'm a little concerned that The season too deep Julie that's fucking amazing. I mean, I'm so sorry to hear that she's in so deep that must be terrifying for you but for us to just now hear about used door Tupperware it's plastic containers that have tomorrow's supper in it. Ugh. And they can hold other bowls, a bowl with infinite bowls inside?
Starting point is 00:10:31 Yeah, like you can, but the little ones, like the ones that are like the really tiny ones, like you're not going to use those. Like you're going to pay for them and you're going to be like, I'll put a crouton in here, but you're not going to eat that crouton. That crouton's going to sit in your fridge for days. Chunk and I must have this tomorrow's supper way. Yes, where can we buy some? Please inform your mom we would like to buy as many as possible. Yeah, you can ask my mom later.
Starting point is 00:10:54 Like she'll be happy to sell it to you. Yes, she needs to make her quota. Otherwise, I'm afraid something bad's gonna happen to her. Buy us a reason for our chained the 1980s has been revealed. Tomorrow, supper, and salad. Salad tomorrow. Arnie, do you eat any salads currently, buddy? What?
Starting point is 00:11:12 I mean, I don't know if that's allowed here in Ohio. Yeah, you've been eating a lot of rallies recently. Hold on, hold on. Hold on. You don't know if that's allowed here? Yeah. Right? Is this because you are a foolish young child
Starting point is 00:11:25 who hasn't experienced the ways of the world yet? Or do you really believe that Ohio has some sort of law that prohibits people from eating salads? Yeah, they're called salad days. There's like certain days of the week where you're allowed to have a salad and there's other days that you're not. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:11:40 This is so fucked. So fucked. And Arnie, I told you, I don't trust any state that's just the word high between two balls Okay, but we gotta get out of this state buddy. I mean I guess we could go to Indiana, but that's one of the few places that's worse Do you want to see the future hole? Yes, please. Yes Yeah, is it okay? I hate to admit this.
Starting point is 00:12:06 I'm a little scared to see the future hole. It's a hole. It's like, I'll be honest, I don't know what you're expecting it to look like, but it is like a real looking hole in the ground that you'd be like. That's where that's a gopher lives there, but then you put your hand in and you will receive an item from the future. So if you first saw it and thought it to just be a go for a hole, were you reaching in the grab a go for? Fuck yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:36 I'm sorry, can I say that? Of course, yes very much so. Wow! I'm sorry Arnie. You can't do the your Wow! I'm sorry Arnie. You can't do that. You're a magician. You said that.
Starting point is 00:12:46 You recorded that. You recorded yourself saying that. Look, obviously Julie's going to be in a lot of trouble with her parents if anyone ever hears that. But, she's learned from Chunk and that's the important thing. That a cool skunk has entered her life and allowed her to express herself truly. That's why I'm smoking. Yeah, I went to the gastroenter and I said, give me your coolest cigarettes and they spill it with a K. And look at us, just two friends smoking up.
Starting point is 00:13:13 So, what's up, six? Smoking friends. Julie, you're recording all this stuff. This is evidence. This is a evidence. This is evidence. I know, but I like, it feels good. I feel like I've done, I mean, not the smoking.
Starting point is 00:13:30 The smoking feels bad. That feels really bad. But just to be doing it, I haven't even put it to my mouth. I'm just holding five lit cigarettes in my hands and waving around, I guess, a fourth of July. And I gotta tell you it feels I Feels right it feels regal like I'm just like like this is my tree house and I'm in charge and Watch out you're gonna get burned. Oh God. Why can't you just be cool for once on me?
Starting point is 00:13:57 I'm an accessory is this cuz you want to clear? I walked into the wrong store, okay? You walked in pretty confidently. I thought it was Spencer Gifts and I actually only got both of my ears pierced. It was crazy that you're crying while they were piercing your ears, just saying, I wouldn't be in his pasta. But teach their own. Before we look in the future hole, is there some sort of like, let me grab my keyboard here? Look in the future hole. We're Looking at the future hole. Looking in the future hole. Julie, you take it.
Starting point is 00:14:28 Ooh, when you're gonna go looking at the future hole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What you need, girl. Maybe it's not what you need, but it's something else. Yeah, looking at future hole. What does that future hole look in much future hole. What does our future hold? Looking the future hole.
Starting point is 00:14:48 The holes are alive with the signs of the future. And print, cut and print. Is that, was that what you say Ernie? Cut and print, cut and paste, copy paste. No, hey, I always say cut it out. Eee heee heee. How rude. No, hey, I always say cut it out. Eee heee heee! Heee heee! Heee heee! Heee heee!
Starting point is 00:15:07 How rude. Yeah, so, I mean, like, I can't put these cigarettes out. We can go down and check it out. I was saying, yeah, let's check out that future. Is it under the tarp here? Yeah, I put a tarp in case it rains. I just don't want it. It's not good to get soggy goods from the future. So if rain gets in the future hole, does that rain go to the future?
Starting point is 00:15:34 No. My understanding of the science of it is that just whatever comes into our world, if it's raining, it gets wet. Oh wait, get wet. Let me grab my keyboard here. Future rain, future rain. Is that something? Is it? Yeah. Has been for about five years at this point. Oh, I just want to point out in case it's, and I know this is clear to listeners,
Starting point is 00:15:56 but you're not very good at playing that thing. Come on. Oh, wait, hold on. You should look, I'm gonna press demo, and Arnold thinks it's me playing... Calypso. Oh, not so bad now, am I? Put hands behind head to relax?
Starting point is 00:16:13 Oh no! Oh, what a disaster. Quickly, pull back the top. We must know it's in the future. Okay, I'll go first, because I'm used to it. Now this is the fun part of the future hole. Is that like sometimes when things come out, you're like, I don't know what this is. So I'll describe it to the best I can
Starting point is 00:16:37 and we can try to figure out maybe what it is because it's on the future. Yes. Don't be scared. I mean, I can see it, but it calms me to have it described to me. It is, it's a small computer, and there is, like a animal on it.
Starting point is 00:16:57 There's an animal on it, and it looks like it wants to be fed. Otherwise, it's gonna die. It just keeps beeping. Oh no. It's a big responsibility. Yeah. Oh, looks like this one belongs to Tammy Gachi. Oh.
Starting point is 00:17:14 That poor girl lost her pet. We must find Tammy and return it to her immediately. I know Tammy. I can't hold on to it for her. I think I'll see. It's all enough to have. Close the loop. I can't hold on to it for her. To go see gets hold of it up. Close the loop. Close the loop.
Starting point is 00:17:29 How far in the future does this come? This feels like it's maybe in the next 10 years. Yeah. This is, I even had a question as I was saying, is this something that just kind of, maybe just somebody dropped in the hole from this time, and then like I just picked it, because that happens too. I'll tell you the number of times that somebody just kind of throws something, because if you see all, sometimes you're just like, I'll throw something in this hole. And I will also clean those things out, and then foolishly
Starting point is 00:17:59 realize later that it was just, it was current trash. Oh, I suppose you could get something like an apple. And that could be from the future the past, the present who knows. Right. Oh yeah. There are a lot of holes in this yard. So I've got to imagine that sometimes you accidentally just reach into the wrong hole.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Mm-hmm. Heads up future. Wh-t. Oh, you just spit in there? Yeah. I was rude. Oh, that's kind of fun. Here, stand back.
Starting point is 00:18:26 I, an experienced time traveler, I'm prepared to take my forearm, place it inside the hole, and draw out some mystical object of great power and portant. Here it is now, a 7-11 episode two attack of the clones cup. Hmm. Okay, well...
Starting point is 00:18:47 Arnie, spoiler. They're making more Star Wars movies in the future. What? That one looks like it's gonna be good. Oh, wow. It looks so good. I can only imagine the only thing that could be better is whatever comes after it. Don't say anything, Chuck. Let them live in this blissful state for a while longer.
Starting point is 00:19:06 God damn fools. Just a couple of God damn fools. They'll stop at five right? They'll be like five's a good number. Yeah good round number. I guess is it my turn? I'm scared I know this whole goes to the future but I always worry about snakes. Am I the only one that every any time I see a hole in the ground, I just worry there's a snake in there? I only worry about that when I see boots. I will say that 75% of the other holes on this one are full of snakes.
Starting point is 00:19:37 Oh, what? Okay. That's why we have the top on it, so we know which one is the least not the snake hole. Okay. Ooh, okay. Before I put my hand in, have you ever reached in and gotten a future snake?
Starting point is 00:19:51 Oh. Yeah, twice. One time it was a real snake and one time it was a party snake. Do you ever see a party snake? I haven't. No, that's a future thing. Yeah, it's real fun.
Starting point is 00:20:07 It comes in like a can that says like mix nuts. And you're like, whoa, that's cool. Like some generic cannon nuts. This should be good. Feels like a good deal. It's not like a brand name. And then you open it up and snake pops out. And you're like, they got me.
Starting point is 00:20:25 I hear this loud and clear. and snake pops out and you're like, they got me. I hear this loud and clear for I find nothing more of vaccine here in this 1989 time period upon Earth than the high price of nuts. Okay, I'm gonna reach in. Okay, this feels safe. Huh, I got a magazine from far off in the future. Wow! Looks like the office manager from Designing Women
Starting point is 00:20:51 is gonna go on a real run of comeback roles. Good for her! Ha-ha-ha! Ooh, me next! Me next! Okay. All right, chunk, here you go. Pull something good.
Starting point is 00:21:03 All right, just put my paws in the grab bag here and... Ooh! Aren't you look at this? Candy cane tripler? Is this somebody having a penny? Yeah, I'll just use my claws. I have claws. 1000. Uh-huh. Money bag.
Starting point is 00:21:18 Come on. 20 dollars. Money bag. Candy cane. I don't know what I- Money bag! It says I've won $1,000 a week for the rest of my life. Excellent, we have done it, we have defeated the system,
Starting point is 00:21:32 and now we shall take the money back from those in power who have kept it from us for so long. But what date is on there? Because that's probably when you can start collecting. Yeah, oh yeah, it says, uh, turn in by 2022. Fuck. In 20 years, I'm going to be filthy fucking rich. 30 years? Yes, 30. 40 years. 30 years. That was all sound right. Can we circle back for a minute? Which home was the office manager?
Starting point is 00:22:01 This one. Look at the cover of this magazine. Her name is Jean Smart, it says here. Oh, Jean, okay. Yes, you know her. She had that wonderful run on Frazier in its later years. Oh, damn. What? Frazier?
Starting point is 00:22:18 You mean Cheers. Ah, yes, of course. I meant Cheers, which will still be on the air for another four years, at least maybe hundreds who knows? Julie, can I talk to you for a second? Sure. You may know something about this because it sounds like you've been reaching into this future hole bunch. You sort of keep bringing up Frazier from Cheers and then stopping himself in a really ominous way.
Starting point is 00:22:45 I'm really worried that something really awful is going to happen to the whole world because of Frazier. I don't know, but I will say that I did pull out a newspaper from year 2021, which is approximately one year before chunk can redeem his money. I'd still not clear on how many candy canes or money bags you needed to make that happen. He could have misread that. We'll replay the tape. We'll find out what it was. But on this newspaper, it said, Frazier, reboot.
Starting point is 00:23:22 Frazier. Frazier reboot. Iszier. Frazier reboot. Is a robot. He's a reboot? He's getting rebooted. Frazier crane on that show proof from the future is a robot.
Starting point is 00:23:37 Oh my god, I would have guessed I am. I mean, there could be more robots. We don't know. On this particular day he needed to be rebooted. Oh, God. Julie, don't you get scared of the future? You spend so much time just putting your hand deep into the future. No. I think like I have such a tangible grasp on the future because I literally pull things from it.
Starting point is 00:24:02 That it doesn't scare me anymore because it's like taking it in bits and pieces. Like, you know, you pull something out and you're like, okay, like this is what a cookie is, you know, down the road. Like this is what music is going to look like. And then I don't have a way to play it. And then like a few days later, I pull something out and we're like, does this go together? You try to shove it in there. It doesn't work. You're like, this is no good. I have a pile of things that I just don't know what to do with.
Starting point is 00:24:32 And I guess I'm not afraid because I can't wait for things to make sense. Like I feel like the rest of my life is going to be filled with like seeing something that I've seen before and going, oh, because no one can explain to me what it is right now. So like in the future, I find comfort in the fact that I know what the fuck is happening. I'm sorry I said it again. I just, no, stop. You're gonna have to burn this whole thing. I'm so gonna get into trouble, but also I don't care.
Starting point is 00:25:02 All right, chunk, do you want some of these limited edition caramel apple Oreos or this? Oh, this edition of becoming by Michelle Obama. Um, is, let's see, are the Oreos signed? They are signed by Michelle Obama. Wow. I've always wanted to eat it on a graph. I'll take the Oreos. There you go. I would have kept them if they were signed by a caramel apple. All right, let me reach in again. Whoa!
Starting point is 00:25:29 Hong Kong! Already Julie used to door hop in. I got a 2012 Dodgy Durango. Let's go for a spin, baby. Can you drive? I don't know. I don't think any of us can. How did you fit that through the hole? Me? I didn't put it through. I don't think any of us can. How did you fit that through the hole?
Starting point is 00:25:45 Me? I didn't- I didn't put it through, I pulled it out. That part makes sense. Mmm. Oh, what the fuck? Who did that? Someone just spit on the top of my head. That was you. That was your spit from a little while ago. Fuck me. What? I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:26:04 You're just gonna do it again. Yeah, we'll see. Wait, wait, wait. That doesn't make any sense because that would have been... The past. Also, I don't know if anyone else noticed it, but it really didn't make sense how that car came out of that hole. I got to say, within the few minutes that we were gathering around the future hole, I think
Starting point is 00:26:26 we may have shimmyed over to a different hole. I have a feeling. Ow, ow, yeah, definitely because I have a snake on my paw. Ow, ow, get it off, pull it off, pull it off. I got it, I have, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
Starting point is 00:26:41 ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, I think that this is a different hole. And so maybe the past and the future are linked between these holes. I have never engaged with this hole before. Well, you should or don't you always say that if time and space is ever ripped apart, you have to have two sides of the coin, right? You can't just have access to the future, or just access to the past. In the same area, you have to have access to the future or just access to the past in the same area you have to have access to both. Oh yes, the universe is very good at reinstituting its own balance. If it finds that there is some
Starting point is 00:27:13 imbalance it very often through entropy or entropy, it reexerts its own state of balance. What's another word for balance? I've said it too many times. Makinations. Whoa, I just pulled something else. Arnie, look at this. Yeah, it's a brochure for OU Athens. Wow. Oh, it's a college in southern Ohio. No, it's just one sheet, it's not a collage. dummy.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Bonnie, here's another item of portant, a DVD copy of legally blonde two. DVD? What? Oh no, Julie, that's it, that's the sound, that's the phrasier sound. What? Quick chunk, hide this season seven box set of Frazier. Uh, uh, uh, let me put it in the past. Uh, we may have messed with this too much.
Starting point is 00:28:13 And by we, I mean, I may have messed with this a little bit too much, so I don't know what's going to happen here. Like, the holes seem to be converging. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it looks like they're trying to kiss. Oh. Something else just hit me in the head. What is this? From 2032, it's a DZD copy of Illigally Blonde?
Starting point is 00:28:34 All right, what's happening? I don't know. Oh, God. Parents, parents were right. If we don't stop playing with these holes, something bands gonna happen. Wait, sing that. We'll get my keyboard. If we don't stop playing with these wholesome bands gonna happen. Wait, sing that. Let me get my keyboard. If we don't stop playing with these wholesome bands gonna happen girl.
Starting point is 00:28:54 Star Wars Episode 12 Kythe Rens back and has a shirt off again. What an odd subtitle. I'm sorry that I brought you into this. I feel like that this moment is the beginning of something terrible. Oh, yes, that's often the way our show goes. This is our first time on your show, though. So I don't know that it always goes terrible here. I'm not a good host. I've sort of just let this ramble and haven't wrangled anyone in any way whatsoever. So I'm gonna try to pull it together and just say, to Andrews, checking in, if you're still listening, this is still cold watch, but we have moved outside, we are down in the deep, we are in the hole,
Starting point is 00:29:37 we are next to the future hole and the past hole. Two holes close to each other, cheek to cheek, right there, ready for the taking. We have dipped our hands into both holes, we've discovered things, we've hidden things to each other, cheek to cheek, right there, ready for the taking. We have dipped our hands into both holes. We've discovered things. We've hidden things from each other. I think that this show is no longer about cults. I think that we're looking deeper than that. I think that this show is now about holes. Wow. Oh, that's a shame. Holes. A circle.
Starting point is 00:30:07 A snake eating its own tail. An aura boris. Let me, where's that boot? Let me, I'm going to put the head of the snake in the future and the tail of the snake in the past. Who do you rip that snake apart? You rip that snake in. Oh my gosh.
Starting point is 00:30:20 That was awful watch. Oh, it is. Inside the snake we're party snakes. Oh, fun. Okay, that was awful watch. Oh, it is inside the snake or party snakes. A good button. Okay, that turned out okay. Well, I'm disappointed about the format of your show because while I was down at the stable was watching all those cults,
Starting point is 00:30:33 I did join a couple of other cults this week. Oh, okay, we can switch back, we can circle it back around. Briefly, on whole watch, back to the cult beat, could cult beat. Here we go, swinging it back around. What's new, Mr. Euse-Dor? Well, I was hanging around out back where some of the jockeys were, and one of them asked me if I'd ever joined the blood cult, and I was like, yes, obviously.
Starting point is 00:31:01 And he said, well, do you want to do it again? And I said, sure, no problem. So I gave him a little bit of my blood, and he said, now we are bound together forever in likeness and power. And I said, oh, okay, great. Let me know if you ever need anyone to smite it. Wait, are you saying that you gave some random dude in 1989 Ohio the powers of a wizard?
Starting point is 00:31:24 I know, no, I said I gave him some blood, because we were joining a blood cult, and that's what you do. He's a jockey? I'm not sure. He was hanging around with the jockeys out behind the stables, so could have been a jockey? He looked a little tall to be a jockey, honestly, you know, usually jockeys are of a somewhat smaller stature as it allows them to put less weight on top of the horse. You as I would say, I don't know, six eight or so? Six eight!
Starting point is 00:31:52 Yeah, probably not a jockey, but I can't say that for sure, who knows? We don't know his life. Arnie, Arnie, you... Hey, you grow up to be my best friend. I've told you that, right? Yeah, it's a weird thing to tell person. Yeah, I'm especially a kid. I'm so sorry. Listen, like if it's gonna happen, let it happen I know I know I'm sorry, but listen, I'm an awkward little kid with social eye anxiety I know that's all the same as yeah, for a second Like literally Why the teacher's like you know I'm depending on you to save all the food in the future.
Starting point is 00:32:25 I don't you know that? You, sir, that's a lot to put on, kid. It's you, or everyone dies. Give me some space. Arnie, buddy, because you grow to be my best friend, I can't hide this from you, okay? Uh-huh. You, sir, are wanting me to hide this box DVD set of Frazier.
Starting point is 00:32:41 But I just can't do it. I have to be honest with you here. Take this. Use it for good. What? I don't understand anything. I'm seeing on the front of this box. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:32:52 This has been telling me up inside. I didn't want to have to tell you about the things that happen in the future, but now that the secret is out. Yes. What's gonna happen to Boston? There's a spin-off from Cheers called Frazier that focuses on the love life and the new career of that titular character, Frazier Crane.
Starting point is 00:33:11 Why do they put this weird new building up in Boston? I don't understand. Now he moves to Seattle and has a whole new cast of colorful characters surrounding him. And the dog dies. Does anybody want some scrambled eggs? My mom made some. Can I have some salad with mine? No, it's not a salad day. That sounds like truck fist. I want topper. You say truck fist. I want to get to truck fist. Isn't that coming to the Columbus Civic Center? Yeah. I think it's the only thing they ever have at the Columbus Civic Center.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Yeah, it's every other week is truck fast. And then on the off-weeks is duck fast. Makes it easier with the signs. You only have to change the first letters. Wait. Well, you saw a diagom and you go see if we can get some Tupperware from Julie's mom and we'll be right back with more- oh, uh, Julie, I'm being so rude. This is your podcast.
Starting point is 00:34:04 I'm just hosting a podcast in the future. No, I appreciate the help because I'm not very good at it. And again, don't know what a podcast is. Yeah, how do you throw the break? How do I throw the break? I go, I go, woo, we gotta pee. And then I press the stop.
Starting point is 00:34:23 No, you just burp it. Once you put it all around, then you just pull back the one side of it like this chunk and then that burps the top and seals the freshness in. Oh, you boys get it. You can buy any time, okay? Thank you, Mrs. Andrews. Thank you, Mrs. Andrews. Oh, I'm just so glad to see my Julie with somebody, with some friends.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Oh, yes, yeah. I'm a very good friend and her chemistry teacher. Oh, that's not inappropriate. Thanks again, Mrs. Andrews. And like we agreed upon, I'll be by to clean the pool tomorrow. Oh, I can't wait. Oh, first we got to finish digging it. Oh, we have fun. Okay, going back in. Bye. That's why there are so many holes that put
Starting point is 00:35:15 in a pool. This is I hate to say it weird family. Yeah, my mom's been talking about a pool for a while. When she gets mad at my dad, she digs a hole. Oh. Yeah, it's been going off and on for years. It's like, he's like, we're not getting a damn pool. Wow. And she's like, I'll make a pool and then she digs a hole. But then she gives up because she realizes there's a lot more involved in making a pool than just digging a hole. Sure. And then she's spent a lot of your time in the backyard playing in these weird holes. There's a lot to unpack here psychologically.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Yeah. Does she put snakes in the holes or do they just find their way in? They find their way in. I think they sense the tension. Gotta get out of that house. Me? Oh, I met the snakes. They were looking for a place to hide.
Starting point is 00:35:59 Yes. Yeah, probably you two. No, it's fine. It's, it feels like a normal amount of banter and frustration with, you know, suburbia. Sure. You know, Chilli, I feel like if all the kids in our grade, like you seem like the most ready to be a grown-up a little bit.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Yeah, I've always thought of myself as perpetually 60, you know, like my whole life. It's like that feels like what I've always thought of myself as perpetually 60, you know, like my whole life. It's like that feels like what I've been rotating around with my sensibilities, but you know, it's fine. I'll grow into my age. Yeah, just like 40-something years. Yeah, ish. I can't do the exact math. No, math is hard.
Starting point is 00:36:42 Yeah, no, I know that feeling. Being born from a conspiracy of bird and rain and wind and fire and... ...acron. It took me so while to achieve comfort at my current age since I looked so old when I was born. Yeah. Yes, I looked exactly like this. Was that hard? It was hard times. For sometimes I felt very useful and very foolish even though I appeared to be wizard.
Starting point is 00:37:12 Well, enough about me. I think I'm like afraid of the future, but I also think someday when I'm an adult, things will be easy and good. It's just like whatever, I just don't know what it takes to get there, right? Like, how do you get to the future, you know? Maybe you get there in a 2012.gay Durengo.
Starting point is 00:37:33 Should we try? Should we try? How did that happen? I still understand how that happened. There's a lot of holes came from somewhere. Yeah, we should try it. Let's get in the car. Let's all get in, all right.
Starting point is 00:37:47 So let me just, okay, I'm a little short here. Let me just, see if I can shape-shift into something. A little bit taller. There we go, the shape-shifted into a tall skunk. Ooh. All right, let me check the mirrors here. That is, that's unnerving. I know. So I'm like room back here. What is that skunk six eight?
Starting point is 00:38:15 Why is it unsettling me? Don't worry about it. Let me just put my seat back here. You still have room? Are your legs okay? No, I'm quite cramped now. Okay. Julie, yeah. I hate to say it.
Starting point is 00:38:32 I can't say it to his face. There's no way I would ever be best friends with this tall skunk in the future. It's like, I was fine with him and it's fine, but right now in this situation, like I don't wanna be biased, but it's unnerving. Like how long he is now as a skunk. Like it's like not, it's like it's weird. And also I wasn't aware nobody glued me in on the shape shifting thing. So this is also brand new information for me.
Starting point is 00:38:59 I'm just taking it all in. Yeah, I'm sorry. Don't be. You know why we're at it? The chemistry teacher's a wizard. Yeah, that's kind of like, oh, okay'm sorry. Don't be you know why we're at it the art chemistry teachers a wizard. Yeah, I kind of like oh Okay, sorry. Yeah, there's a lot. I mean I like it on in my life Julie Stop moving the damn seat back. Sorry. I'm six eight. Okay All right, all right. Let's see here. Oh Here's oh, what's this? There's like a little metal wand that was tucked up up here and fell down when I's this? There's like a little metal wand that was tucked up up here. It fell down when I moved this Pfizer, okay.
Starting point is 00:39:28 Let me point the little metal wand and go. Drive, use your help. Arath-Tron-to-Havash-Chach-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-Hat-H Oh, I saw the cotton jump. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, my lady. Oh boy, it's moving pretty slow. Can I, let me, let me, probably be faster than the legs. Well, I don't want the wheels to crush the legs. Ah, fine, if you don't want legs, or, or, or,
Starting point is 00:40:17 or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or. Yeah, really, that hurt a little bit. You should be able to drive now chunk, I believe. Okay, let me pick up this little metal wand again and drive. It goes in the hole. Oh, let me... Yeah! That's your solution for everything. I just threw it in the in the future hole.
Starting point is 00:40:38 No! What? Oh, he said it goes in the hole. I- there's a... I've been practicing with my mom. It goes in the little like, there's an ignition beside. So it's like the key, that's a key. And then you put it in the ignition and turn it. And that's all.
Starting point is 00:40:57 Say that next time. Sorry, I got distracted because you were an extremely long scum. Yeah. And then the car head legs. So yeah, there's a lot going on for me too. Wait, let me fuck it. I'm just gonna get out of the car and I'm gonna go get it. Whop! Did he just go into the future hole? I guess so. I guess we'll never see him again.
Starting point is 00:41:22 Oh, I came out. I wanted a future hole, I came out the past hole. Oh, oh, I should explain myself. I'm wearing what's called skinny jeans. Now they're different from boot cut and that they taper off towards the end. I don't know how to explain this to you all. This is so, this must be blowing your mind. Um, why would jeans be so tight? How do you move?
Starting point is 00:41:47 How do you do carpentry? Where's the loop for your hammer? Right. Listen, too many questions. I don't know what all I see and I don't know where all I've been. All I know is I got these skinny jeans. Is this the same chunk that went into the hole? Or do we have to kill him? Oh, I hole? Or do we have to kill him?
Starting point is 00:42:05 Oh, I don't know if we have to kill him, but he's probably not the same one. He's probably from a slightly different universe, you know. But we'll just take this one. It's fine. Okay. I just felt like it was worth saying based on the journey he just went through.
Starting point is 00:42:19 Sure. That we weren't totally clear on who just came out in skinny jeans. I'm still the same chunk. Ooh, good black, BBEE! It's kind of like a... Take a penny, leave a penny kind of thing, right? Exactly, yes, exactly. You understand perfectly, Arnold.
Starting point is 00:42:34 Uh, even if this isn't art, chunk, it's a chunk that we have. And it's possible he is the same chunk, but he's been altered by his experiences. Why, if you, Julien Drus, would go into the time hole or find Nine's self traveling through the mystical realms of the universe, you would be quite transformed, and though you may be the same, you would not be the same. Okay, but what if we threw chunk back through the past hole? Yeah, let's give it a shot.
Starting point is 00:43:02 Wait, wait, wait, what? What? Okay. What? What? tall yeah let's give it a shot okay okay now he's back to the future hole yeah seems like every setting perfectly well done did you guys see a six eight dude Laskini jeans you punch me in the face and jump through so whoa that was not you no didn't you notice it was a human man? Huh. Ah, I'm not good with faces. What the fuck you guys, little help? Anyway. What, what guy, are we okay?
Starting point is 00:43:34 We should be a sign up. I'm fine with these holes. I can't stop. Look, Julie, I'm sorry. I think I gotta get home in time for dinner. And also, I got kind of a busy evening plan. I'm a little worried that my neighbor is killing people. So I'm gonna try to work up some courage
Starting point is 00:43:54 and break into his house tonight and sort of see if he's a murderer or something and try to get it recorded on my tape recorder. So if you ever see me again, I've probably been killed. Okay. I know that's a lot. I know that's a lot to lay on you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:15 But it's not like I'm telling you that we're going to be best friends in the future or anything like that. No, no, but yeah, okay, be careful. Thanks. Yeah, and maybe like, yeah, just like leave a rock outside my house or something. If you're okay. Okay. Well, I guess you could come see me if you're okay, but if you're not, if you're not okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Also, if there's any past or future stuff you don't want, or you think it's gonna maybe mess up the timeline, feel free to put it in the car. I'll just fly that into a volcano. I think you at this point, you can just take whatever you want. Feel free to put it in the car. I'll just fly that into a volcano. I think at this point, you can just take whatever you want. All right. Like all that stuff is very clear. Yeah, just start on the car.
Starting point is 00:44:50 Throw it in the front seat. I'll burn it up on a volcano. You said, or you did it. You invented 1-800 junk. The prophecy has been fulfilled. I've done it. And now I shall return to the realms of Ephesius. Nope, got something else to do.
Starting point is 00:45:03 Do you have room for more junk in the trunk? You know it. You know, there's a lot of rocks back here. So if I, if I am okay, I'm just going to come and tell you because the, I think the rocks thing will just be confusing. Yeah, I realized when I said that I was like the kind of thing I'm like, let me know if you're okay, but really you could let me know if you're okay. But if you're not okay, it is the absence of, of anything.
Starting point is 00:45:23 Yeah. So that's what I will look for to know what's happening. volcano fly volcano fly fly to the volcano goodbye so long farewell adviders saying goodbye I'd be to say goodbye. I hope you burn and soon we will die No, okay, that was weird. I'm sorry. I was trying to rhyme I was trying you know when you really force a rhyme and then you're like, uh, this isn't what I'm trying to say but Yeah, I was one of my rare singing spells stupid julie anders
Starting point is 00:46:05 Bye I just want to buy rare singing spells stupid julie anders Bye See you for survive, okay We're gonna go with honey goodbye. Do you really bye? Goodbye tell your mom. I'll see you tomorrow. Okay Okay, this is End of episode of cold Watch, slash whole watch, slash Juliana on the only road I've ever known. Okay, this is episode 42 of Colt Watch.
Starting point is 00:46:47 I'm Julie Andrews. I'm your host. Sometimes I have other people here today. I don't. So it's just me, Julie Andrews, with special guest, Julie Andrews, and the whole. We're here. Camped out at the future hole. I haven't been able to pull anything out of this in days.
Starting point is 00:47:02 I keep trying. I keep putting my hand in there and just trying to get something out of it. Nothing's coming out. I haven't seen Arnie in a while. I hope he's okay. Young woman, there is no easy way to get around this. I am a stranger in a raincoat approaching you. And I just want to be really upfront about that
Starting point is 00:47:26 to make sure you're all right with that. I have been preparing for this day for most of my life. Continue. What a relief. I have been watching you for some time again in just a friendly manner, just gathering information. And I have the reason why you're not pulling anything else
Starting point is 00:47:46 out of your time hole. OK. Is it broken? Did I break it? No, it's because you've taken all of my stuff. What? That's my storage facility. And I left a little, just like a sort of a back door
Starting point is 00:48:01 into it, thinking, who is going to fill their backyard full of holes? And now I reached in it, thinking, who is gonna fill their backyard full of holes? And now I reached in it one night, just a few nights ago, while everyone was asleep, just hoping to peruse through my copy of the women of designing women weekly, and it's gone, all of it's gone, or rather everything within arms reach is gone,
Starting point is 00:48:22 and then I see you out here rooting through it, and I want to just come and explain to you what you're doing. Seems like they could have made that title a little cleaner. It's wordy. It takes up most of the cover. But what's inside are just some hot stories about each and every lead in designing women. Yeah, no, it's a good one.
Starting point is 00:48:43 I've enjoyed looking at it. I'm sorry, I didn't know this was your stuff. No, it's a good one. I've enjoyed looking at it. I'm sorry. I didn't know this was your stuff. No, how could you? And I'm curious. I'm explorative. I'm a person who wants to know what things are. And so I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:48:55 And we drove all your stuff into a volcano. Yes. You know, I had thought that Dodge Durango might come in handy at some point. So to find that it had instead be driven into a volcano was kind of a disappointment. Though I do admire your curiosity. Some people might have stopped
Starting point is 00:49:13 after the first party snake, but you just kept reaching. And I applaud that. They're always a delight. You know, it's like you think you're gonna tire of it? Oh, it never gets old. No, no, if they pop out and you're just like, I even knew it was gonna happen. Like I saw a generic potato chip can. And I thought, Julie, here we go again,
Starting point is 00:49:37 this is a generic can. You shake it. There's not a chip rattle happening. And then I still, it still got me. You know what, the first time it's a surprise, Yeah. Times after that, it's a friend you're happy to see. Well, that's nice. Well, but now they're all gone. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:57 Because you just kept reaching, you emptied out that entire storage facility. I mean, I had them peppered, you know, throw out a lot of different places, but this one nearly empty now. I mean I had them peppered, you know, throughout a lot of different places, but this one nearly empty now. I'm sorry, were you holding on to that stuff for a reason? Because maybe, I don't know, I'm always trying to think it like the good side of things, it's like maybe it was time to let go.
Starting point is 00:50:18 You know, I'd never thought of it that way. I mean, I admit I'd been saving season seven of Frazier when they finally answer all the mysteries they've been carefully constructing through the first six seasons. Who shot his father? Why, please don't spoil it for me. Now, well, I can't. I don't know the answers. You took my box set of Frazier, and it's gone now.
Starting point is 00:50:38 But maybe I was holding on to it too much. Maybe it was time to let that tomogachi die. In a way, I can say, thank you. I don't need physical items to be okay. I don't know that I need the storage facility itself. I really, I pulled that out of my butt and I'm glad that you went with it, that it was an okay explanation.
Starting point is 00:51:06 You just pull things out of places, don't you? That's what you do. I'm explore. Well, there's more. As you can see, your backyard holes have become unstable. I had one going to the future. You know, the farther in you reach, the further you go. You've probably figured that out by now.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Another going to the past, because it's always good to leave some things there. They're not that curious. They're not going to find it. They've gotten too close through way too much overuse of all your reaching and exploring. They've got to be shut down, and that can only be done from within. Are you going in? Are you going in?
Starting point is 00:51:42 I have to. That's why I'm here. These things are going to grow and expand until they consume all of Akron. And while that might be an exciting prospect to some, it would set a whole bunch of things out of whack in this time period. It's got to be shut down, child. And you have that large suitcase with you? You're just gonna go with that large suitcase. Oh, did you happen to notice my steamer trunk
Starting point is 00:52:08 covered with stickers of other planets and worlds? Yeah. All right, well, nice talking to you. See you around the bend. Are you ready to be freaked out? What? There's a bunch of equipment on the other end that's going to close down this portal, but as you can see I'm one let's say human in a big floppy
Starting point is 00:52:32 raincoat. I can't shut it down myself. Okay, so now my whole plan was to sneak in your steamer trunk. I was good about to get in there and make you take that. Yeah, when that been fun, that's fun. When that been fun, then we get through the hole. And I'm like, oh, I walked all over it. No, no, it's, I mean, I honestly, the fact that you willingly want me to go, like this is very exciting. I've been waiting for a moment like this where it's like, you know, things just turn a corner.
Starting point is 00:53:02 And I can feel it. And it feels dangerous, you know, things just turn a corner and I can feel it and it feels dangerous, but okay, dangerous. Like, I can read the signs. So yeah, I don't have to casually. I have to tell you, child, coming through this rift, there's no promise that you'll ever return here. Although I suppose you could say, at one time,
Starting point is 00:53:22 there was also no promise that we would never return to this period. And yet here we seem to be again. So let's not call it an ironclad promise. Right. But it is not certain that you will return to this time period. Okay. You seem real ready to just walk away.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Anyone you want to say goodbye to or anything? Yeah, give me a second. Hey, mom have fun. Are your friends here? No, just don't, when you come back in be quiet, okay? Because I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be exercising and I don't want a distraction because it ruins my flow okay so just be quiet because I got a Jane Fonda okay I'm gonna Jane Fonda and then we'll see what we want to do for dinner okay okay I'm ready I've heard about the earth ritual of exercise and how it requires absolute silence.
Starting point is 00:54:29 She gets really bothered because sometimes the other people in the exercise video have banter or an expression or they're enjoying themselves and she feels like if she misses something. Oh, context is critical. I mean, the pounds don't come off unless you understand what's happening in the background. I've walked in a couple of times like during like a sweat into the oldies that she really got bothered. So it sounds like there's nothing for you here. Yeah there were we're good. We have more of just a professional relationship so I think I'm ready to leave. All right.
Starting point is 00:55:03 As you can see I mean mean, you know this. The hole's not that big. And you have a Dodge Durango drove through it. So I think it might be just more comfortable if each of us kind of pushes ourselves through at once. Does that sound fair? So what do we have to do? Is the thing that we have to like turn off
Starting point is 00:55:24 like directly on the other side? Or is it like are we reaching in like what is What should I be expecting once we go in to that hole everything? Okay, and anything But we are going to my swords. Physically. I mean it's fun to build these things up But no, it's a place that I ran to it's a pretty reasonable fee. Okay. We'll be working from there. Okay. But it can be rough on the eyes sometimes. When you go through, you know, it's a huge shift in time, energy, etc. You probably want to go in backwards. You want to keep your eyes closed. I think it's good. It keeps the lungs kind of functioning and supple, maybe go in with a little tune.
Starting point is 00:56:06 Okay, so turn it around, close your eye. Am I going first or you going first? You know, I've done it before, but I think it's fun to kind of feel it out. And it's going to ruin some of the surprise if I just do it for you. So go for it. Okay. Signing off, dear followers, patrons. Everybody who's followed me on this journey this way. Sorry, I have to just monologue for a minute into my show.
Starting point is 00:56:33 Oh no, no, no, absolutely go for it. You wouldn't want to leave those three people at the public library hanging. You're generous. This is Julie Andrews, um, about to going into what I have commonly referred to as the future hole. Clearly something that I didn't know what it was. I've been told what it is, but with just enough detail to leave mystery on the table. I think you for being along with me on this journey. Cold watch, hold watch, hold watch, out.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Got a pee. Bye. That's some fine branding. It's a nice way to wrap up that show. cold watch out gotta pee by. That's some fine branding. It's a nice way to wrap up that show. I've got to say. Yeah, I feel like it's a little rambling, but you know what? There's something for everyone. Okay. Turn it around. Close your eyes. Sing a song. And mean it. Queen drops on roses and hoiskers on children. Bright, carbon-nettles and spoons full of gillants. And she's gone. She did it. That song was perfect. I've never heard anyone go through the future hole that way before.
Starting point is 00:57:48 She actually got the name exactly right. It's a future hole. We worked shopped a lot of more complicated names and then we were like, Why are we reinventing the future hole? And now for me... The moons of your reignness with all of its rings. These are a few of my favourites. Wait, I'm in this episode 2? Jeez Louise, Ed Harris. Can you stay out of the Truman show for like an hour? How strange to hear that young foolish version of myself still living in the childlike belief
Starting point is 00:58:59 that Niles and Daphne could never make it work. Oh, it's all coming back now. Things got crazy on the other side of that future hole. You know that saying, you can take a child to the future, and you can take a child to outer space. But you shouldn't do both. I know it's easier to recognize when embroidered. Would a transmission of that event even exist?
Starting point is 00:59:18 And could I find it from Italy? Probably not. This discussion is over. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunk the cool skunk was played by Adolf Refy. Julie Andrews, the 13-year-old friend of Arnie, host of cassette tape-based show Cult Watch, was played by Brooke Bright. Brooke is currently directing the game Job Job, coming out this fall as part of the Jackbox
Starting point is 00:59:40 Party Pack 8. The, uh, charismatic nuance stranger in a trench coat was played by, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm respectively. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp, Matt Young and Adolfi, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, earwolf producer Kimi Lucas. This episode edited by Chris Rathchin. Special assistance slathered on generously by Ryan to Georgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan, special 1989 theme music by Andy Poland. Now I'd love to walk you through my plan to escape from here, but that lemon-chello fountains not gonna drink itself. Ah. Bing-bong.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Ha-ha-ha. E-S. Bing-bong-e-s. Bing-bong-e-s. Yeah. Woo. BONG E-S Bing BONG E-S Yeah! Woo!
Starting point is 01:00:50 Well, this is chunk song, this is chunk song, Hey motherfuckers listen up to chunk song! I once was chunced, but now, and chunk, Was badger now, I'm skunk but holes but holes I have two holes one poops the other poops both poops Wow mine was a long one. Yeah. you

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.