Hello From The Magic Tavern - INTERLUDE - Hello from the Future... but Earlier

Episode Date: July 12, 2021

The story of the Mysterious Man and Julie continues, this time within a transmission from the space adventure version of Arnie, along with his cohosts, Doctor Zadore and Chant the Space Angel.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChant the Space Angel: Adal RifaiDr. Ulrich Zadore: Matt YoungJulie Andrews: Brooke BreitMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Sage G.C.Special Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandHello from the Future Theme Song: Nick GageMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanHello from the Future Logo: J. DouglassYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

People of Earth. The following podcast is not real, but that doesn't mean it's not complicated. Last week, we heard a recording from that time I was stationed in 1989 Ohio, and we all kind of found out together that I had befriended a curious and delightful teen named Julie, who had stumbled across my time-hole storage facility. Which we finally jumped into. End credits. Well, after blackmailing a bunch of cosmic librarians, I found a recording of what happened next. Because it turns out you can't drag an Earth child through a time portal without consequences.

Yes, Madeline Langle, I hear you rolling your eyes. I should mention, this is a recording from that space adventure version of Arnie. I think his underperforming podcast is called Hello from the Future. The good news is this is from 2009 before he defeated Krieg the Cruel. So at least he's not yet my boss. And you thought Loki was getting tough to unravel? Priceless. Enjoy! The Rory is a space of treasure Rory is the same as rock you were Come in, come in, can you hear me? Hello from the future. Sure. I can hear you, Arnie.

Yeah. Chant, I know this is one of your first transmissions with us, but I do a little intro thing up top. Oh, proceed. Hello from the future! A bi-monthly transmission from the deepest reaches of the weirdest parts of the infinite universe. I'm Arne Neacamp. Yeah, I know. That Arne Neacamp.

If you've never received one of my transmissions before, well, brother, buckle up because you're about to have your balls blown off. Ten years ago, I led a normal life as the starting quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals. Until one day I stumbled across a mysterious door behind a Bob Evans and Wapakinetto Ohio that led to the top secret NASA facility hidden in the basement of the Neil Armstrong there in Space Museum. It's one that kind of looks like the moon smashed into a hill. There I met Dr. Aldrich Zaydor who shot us both into space in a rocket of his own invention.

Anyway, if you're listening to this transmission, these are the reports back to God's own US of A. Documenting our many adventures in the sexiest parts of space. I'm joined, as always, by the only man who knows how to pilot this rocket, Doc Zador. By Archimedes' ghosts. Oh, I swear to you. I have done it, honey. I've been in the computer rooms, where I've been putting in punch cards and doing all of my flavor calculations, and I've finally come up with Rancher Sauce.

Rancher Sauce? Yes, it's like Ranch dip, but more. That reminds me, Doc. You mentioned the computer rooms. How many computer rooms does this spaceship have? This spaceship runs on 17 computer rooms. Someday in the distant future, I believe, I'll be able to calculate a way to have a single computer room.

All right, my other co-host is... Chanth the Space Angel. Yes, but I prefer Spangle. Not Spangel? No, Spangle. And how would you say Space Angel? Space Angel? Okay. You should know that I have supreme confidence

being a Space Angel, so I'm a bit of a cocky Spangel. A cocky spangel. I hear those are kind of difficult breeds. What did you say? Laser sword. Whoa, hey, hey, hey, come on, don't make me fight you again. Hey, his first space horses. Calm yourself, chat.

It's imperative that we all all work together to keep this ship moving forward. And I just want to have an opportunity to, to examine you someday. And learn what makes you tick. Arnie, if your shirt is to be trusted. Yeah, that's right. For people back on Earth, I've got a shirt that says Arnie. So hopefully someday we'll set up a merch store. You can get those. You're lucky I have an affinity for the blustering human.

Otherwise, you'd be dead. Careful, Doc. I know he's a shirtless space angel. He looks harmless, but he's deadly. But if only if I could get him under my psychotronometer. The psycho- The psychotronometer? That way I could learn what makes his brain work. Alright. Okay, well hey, you know what I've been trying to improve these transmission, so I was thinking we'd start having segments.

Because I put you in the psychotronometer and I was incredibly disappointed. Doc, you're totally stepping on my intro for this segment. Sorry, sorry. As I was saying, I was thinking we'd have a segment about- Get a check, get a check, take a carrot, try this rancher pin. Yeah. I prefer not to eat as I have no buttholes, but I cannot refuse your offer. Oh, what was this again?

It's like ranch, but more so. Hmm, interesting. Sorry, Aani, you were saved. Chant, I'm sorry, I got really... Tengie, even. It gets me here, it gets me right here. Against my better judgment, I've really gotten pulled into this conversation, but Chant, so we've eaten something and you don't have a butthole. Like, what happens? Like, what

happens with that? Fingers crossed. That...figures crossed what? You don't die? My God, the implications of not having a butthole. The toxic waste inside of you. I have to put you in the psychotronometer. One day, one day. Alright, well, let's do this new segment. Uh, what were the coolest things we did

in our last adventure? Let's kind of go around the room and each like name one or two about this. Let's name our piece of our pit. Sorry. Arnie is, if you're sure this to be believed. It is. Yeah. On earth where you come from, you can call something a segment if it's just pure recollection. A memory is a segment. Well, it can be. Sorry, I's just pure recollection. Mm-hmm. A memory is a segment.

Well, it can be. Sorry I'm just having trouble understanding. Our ways are so different. Look, this is all for science back on my world, but I still am trying to put it in digestible chunks. Mm. Here in space a segment would be like, stupid alien tricks,

or interviewing someone. That would be a segment. Well, we'll get to the interview in a second. I know you keep pitching me stupid alien tricks, so you know what? If you've got one locked and loaded, let's see one of your stupid alien tricks. Yes, I would really love for you to see

how stupid these aliens can be. It's a real shit show. Uh, how do you even constitute who is and isn't an alien out here? In some ways, in space aren't we all the aliens? No. Oh, okay. You two are humans.

Yeah, I'm an angel. Aliens are typically green, shorter, they have antennae. It's pretty recognizable. Oh, capital, aliens, I understand now. By my book, there's Americans, and there's everyone else in the infinite universe. Yikes. Anyway, let's go around the room, our last adventure,

everybody, let's name our peaks and our pits. Like, what was the coolest thing that happened, and then what was one thing that was like, whoa, I will go first. All right. Since I originally shit on your idea. Mm-hmm. The coolest part for me, chant the space angel,

was when we were fighting the rock creatures, and I grabbed and embraced one rock creature with my normal angel wing and bound him tight. And then using my metal angel wing, I sliced off the top of his head, killing him instantly. Yeah, first I was like, this is getting a little sexy, and then I was like, this is getting real sexy.

What? Interesting. Noted for later. Hey, doxator, what was your peak? My God. The moment where I took the hyperlaser, and I converted it into an ultra laser, narrowly ensuring our escape. Oh, yeah, that was a good one. Arnie, if you should as to be believed. converted it into an ultra laser narrowly, and showing our escape.

Oh, yeah, that was a good one. Arnie, if you're sure this to be believed. What was your highlight? Or I'm sorry, your peak and pit? Well, you know, when we met those little tiny teddy bear people and that whole village, and they started worshipping us as gods. And then I was like,

huddle up guys, we gotta plan, you're all gonna go long. And then I was like, hell, hell up guys, we got a plan, you're all gonna go long. And then I threw one of them to another one, and there was a touchdown. Right, the one of them that was shaped exactly like a football. Keep running into things that are shaped like footballs. It's a secret to my success. My God, yes. What are the chances that there are so many things in the universe shaped like footballs by Archimedes Ghosts? Yes, the e-runs are a very adorable species. Here in space, the e-runs are beloved by almost

everyone. Almost everyone. They are my favorite. So, Chan, what was your pit? I guess my pit was earlier when you said hello, come in, come in, and I thought you were addressing me. I would be in bearish, but I'm too confident. I'm glad you said it, because honestly it was weighing heavily on me this whole time. But you know what, just like that first time we met chant on the planet of the Space Angels, and at first we had to battle in the arena for dominance of the whole planet. I mean I won, but we walked away with a mutual respect and you joined my team. Sure, this is canon. Doc, what about you? What was your pit? Uh, when Donna and I were captured by the terrible Emperor Krieg.

Oh yeah. Seems like, uh, it was a little traumatizing for you. Yes, we were trapped in a time prison. It felt like I lived there for a thousand years, and I had to eat Donna. Whoa, whoa, Doc! That's what happened to Donna! What? No. Donna. Don't worry, she was ranchier than anyone has ever been. Donna, who's been flying with us for four to five years and who we promised nothing bad would ever happen to her?

Look, I was in that time prison for a long time, alright. Things got real. Speaking of time prison, I want to offer up a new addition to this segment, not only pits and peaks, but also flat land. Just sort of an apathetic moment you had during the last mission. I'll go first. Okay. When our rocket broke down, and we landed on that planet where there was a giant castle and we asked to use their phone that was indifferent All right doc. What about you? What was your plateau? Well, I think while we are on that planet asking to use the phone and I was trying to make small talk with the keeper of the castle

It was a very awkward moment. Hmm. I think mine would have to be I I don't know, maybe the middle chunk of season two. Interesting, interesting. Anyway, that's our new segment, Pits and Peaks, and some of our latest adventures. What do we think, is it time for us to do an interview? Sounds great to me, Awny. Yes, Awny, if you're sure to be believed. It's always been time to do an interview. Can I ask, are you always suspicious of everybody's shirts or is it just my shirt?

Well, as you know, angels don't wear shirts because shirts contain lies. Oh, I thought that was just a you thing. All angels don't wear shirts. Yes, being angels some of the most beautiful creatures in the Cosmic Universe, we have to be taken at face value. We cannot put up any veneers, so to see a shirt that says something, and something written so large, and in red, I distrust it. I see. So if you were to meet someone as wearing like a novelty shirt and you were like, and you were like, uh, co-ed naked speech and debate if your shirt is to be believed. That's the whole shirt? Yeah, I mean there's some drawings that are kind of a little racy.

Interesting. I would not believe it. I think I found my new pet. What do you think of my front-old white button-up shirt? Is that offensive to your eyes as well? No, it could never be offensive. Although I am curious about the little blue man riding a horse with a stick in the air.

The little blue man? Oh, yes. Uh, this is a, what you call a brand. Uh, this is how you know it's a polo shirt. A brand? Oh, that must have hurt. No, no, no. It's embroidery, uh, not a real brand.

Uh. Oh, and it's a polo shirt. I'm so sorry to hear. I had been informed that polo was eradicated. Uh, how do I explain these earth things Polo was eradicated. Ah, hoter eggs, playin' these earth eggs. Oh, chant you crazy fish out of water. So, Doc, do you have that recording? So just a do-little table setting for listeners that is transmission.

We picked up a distress call a little while ago that led to us taking on some prisoners on our ship. Doc, could you play that distress call for us again? Sure, first I have to align the parabolic dishes. Oh, and here, now I'm tuning it in and it's about to receive the transmission. I only have to keep churning these two giant dials. Jan, does it just me or when Doc fidgeting those things? It just doesn't look like they could possibly do anything. Do you hear it coming through it's beginning to break through through the static even now? But he really is selling it isn't he?

Craig Craig you know who this is I've returned from my mission with some fair positive results Unfortunately have a companion alongside me who is of results. Unfortunately, I have a companion along side me who is undergoing a serious case of time walk mania going through a sizable portal into this time period. I'm holding the other phone. I'm holding... I'm listening. I'm on the other phone. Alright, Julie, well, this does concern you, so it's fair that you're here. She could die at any second. Need assistance now. I feel fine Nearly dead

So that was a distress call. I don't know about you with that really wet my appetite for this next segment Nobody else what's the next segment Arnie? It's time for an interview slash interrogation. Why don't we pull this lever and bring our guests up? Great Newton's apocryphal noggin! Let's bring them out! Can't get that laser sword ready, just in case they're a little dangerous. Yes. Ready. I'd like to start with a clarifying question. Alright.

You've been holding us captive just below this floor, with someone you clearly see is in danger. And first you had to get through the whole segment where you talk about your week. Well, look, it wasn't just talking about our week, it was talking about the high points and the low points. And I have thought about that since a new section of that was introduced of kind of a point that really leaves no feeling. Why not peeks, pits, and planes? Oh, all right. Great alliteration. You've done it. My eyes have gone in the wrong way.

They've turned to the back. I can see inside my head. Inside my head is where my eyes have turned. It's fun. Whoa. Arnie, I shall put her out of her misery. No, no, no, chant. Here, let me use my positronic respirator on her. Yes.

Yeah, it looks like this girl kid is drunk. This, I am fine. No, no, you're drunk. You, this isn't what I am. Mm. Mm. Here, quickly. Put this, it looks like a crown.

Put it on your head, and then put the mouthpiece in your mouth and breathe. Slow. Okay, take it easy. You take it easy because I'm fine. I'm just gonna, guess, is my durengo here? Oh no, soon she's going to ask to speak to our manager.

Great, let me kill her. Listen, listen. I don't want to get anybody in trouble. This is a weird man in a trench coat with a drunk kid. And I've got to say it's not looking good for you, sir. Don't you see your fools? This is one of your own. But don't approach us so quickly.

Stay within those rotating rings. I have to stand here in the middle of these rotating rings. Are you still using these? I have to say I was sort of impressed to see these. I'm not even moving. I'm not even moving and I'm hoping. I'm hoping without even moving. Yes. Keep hoping, Julie. Just stay alive. Cling to life. I feel more alive. is that a thing? Do you have a problem with our attack-yon rings? Oh no, I don't absolutely. They're adorable. Have you contacted any local museums that might want to display them?

How do you keep the dust off of them? These were updated like 300 years ago. Doctors adore the sarcasm meter. It's off the charts. My god! I've never seen a go that high. Not even that time that I said I love that sarc a meter. It's off the charts. My God! I've never seen it go that high. Not even that time that I said, I love that sarcasm meter. I'm gonna drink this water. Yes, stay hydrated, please. Oh, no.

You're not drinking it. That's just sloshing it all over your face. We talked about this. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. All right, let me turn on this bright interview light and flash it in your face. Uh, strange alien dude. For question number one, who are you?

What are you doing in space? Arnie, he's not an alien. What? Note the height and the color. Uh. Yeah, little green things are aliens, we all know that. I don't know. If I look closely, it looks like you've got more limbs than you're supposed to have.

Now that's a segment. Let's not get into what I look closely, it looks like you've got more limbs than you're supposed to have. Now that's a segment. Let's not get into what I look like. Look, you should know my details. You threw me into that chip as I was approaching the castle so I could get some medical attention from my companion here. Creeg, when he finds you, is going to obliterate you. I can tell you that much. Oh, Creeg is gonna obliterate you. Just wait till you hear from Kreeg. Just wait, just wait.

When I... is a woke-all Kreeg. Woke-all of. My God, Arnie. Do you think Kreeg could be on his way here now? I don't know. All I do know is that this weird alien dude is admitted that he's working for Kreeg the Cruel. Not an alien, Arnie. I can't stress that enough.

Also, speaking of merch ideas, would better obliterate than never be a good idea? There are no bad ideas. The sarcasm meter. Dr. Zedore, the sarcasm meter. It's off the charts, my god! Huh, I, if, if Krieg is on his way, I must be off to charge the particle weapons. Oh, don't bother. Is that where you're using particle weapons? Are you going to use it to amuse him and distract him while you hit him with something bigger? Because if that's, if that's plan A, I want a front seat for that.

Doc, I think this prisoner needs to take us a little more seriously. Why don't you use your pain ray? I... I'm loath to use it. But when I experience such sass, yes. I, even I, will lower myself. It's dehumanizing to me and to you. That is not human. But taste my pain ray. Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Oh! Part of the yawn, I'm just getting a little tired from all this interrogation, or rather when's the interrogation going to begin? Okra, meet his ghost! How is it possible that he's avoiding the effects of the pain rayonny? He totally drew me in thinking he was in pain and then realizing he was just yawning. That fucking bastard.

You have a knack for the obvious. Here, quickly. Take this specialized pain ray that I customized just for you Onnie it's shaped like a football all right. I'm gonna throw this pain ray right as balls Incoming Okay, that's not cool. We have to submit that tape. We have to submit that tape Simplicity of that weapon Disarmed me. I part of me was like I can't believe this is happening right now And I can't believe it hurts so much

Dad do it again. Do it again. Tell me you got that. Tell me you got that I'm We got it on tape Arnie Arnie you might be a star tonight. Do it again But this time I'm gonna I'm gonna hold the football on the ground and then you come running and you're gonna kick it out of them again. I've fallen for that one before. What? I've fallen for that one before. What?

Oh shit, I got pulled in. Oh, now is my chance. As this mysterious man is... Yes, your chance? Yes. Now is my chance as this mysterious man is yes your chance yes as now is my chance as this mysterious man is killed over from being hit in the balls I come in with my hot coffee ray and say and say sorry about my colleagues can I offer you some hot coffee shoot that's that's really just annoying.

That's just, you're getting coffee on my cape. I'm not sure. And also, does each person take a turn with each of their weapons? Yeah, now I'll take my turn. With my slip on the banister ray. I'm standing in the middle of roto- Okay, never mind that it works. Can you let me out so I can find a banister?

Sorry, sorry. Do you have anything that doesn't come in a right? Like maybe something that comes in a Dave. Oh What a prescient question young Julie. Listen, if I may address you my captors. Yeah, sure I know by the way, I'm Arnie knee camp. Yeah, I know that Arnie knee camp. What? Yeah, I'm sure you've heard of me. I'm famous through most of the universe. I know our neat camp. Yeah? Yeah.

It's okay. Yeah, I know. Wow! Even kids know who I am. I'm clearly a four quadrants success. Dr. Zedore. Yes. The sarcasm meter. It's not going off at all. She really does know Arnie Niqueh. Yes.

Julie, are you saying, is this Arnie one of your contemporaries from Planet Earth? This is it, but it's not. It's, oh, I don't f- I f- oh. My God. One of the chances that a child would know a famous football player. You called? Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry, Chant. I didn't mean to. Oh, I'm sorry, chant. I don't fully understand your weird alien religion. Or are you a god? I'm an angel. No, I said what are the chances? Oh, I totally latched onto the wrong word in that sense, my bad. And am I being interrogated right now?

Oh, sorry, let's swing the light back on him. Oh, my God. Quickly, tell us Let's swing the light back on him. Quickly tell us everything you know about Kriegs positions about his armaments and about his loyal followers. Oh There's like a ton of them. I can tell you that much. There's a ton of armaments. I mean he is the In this quadrant he has to be the undisputed ruler So if you would I don't know't know, wake up and say, let me give myself an impossible task today that will end in ruin and possibly my own destruction, you would go make a beeline for, I'm going to go after Kreek and you have already pissed Kreek off. So I am one of many in his horards of administrators. And the one thing I do know is when he sets his mind to destroying someone's existence, he waste no time in that. So count your days if

you have any sort of a bucket list I would get to it right now because you're done. But oh no Arnie I've always wanted to make love to a bucket. The one thing the one thing I've been dying to do since I met you. Whoa Chan I know we know you've only been on our team for a little bit, but I don't know if I've made it clear. We are transmitting these recordings to the whole universe. I let them hear, but when we first met, the reason I joined you was because of your description of a bucket. Please, if we are to possibly perish in this battle, I would like to hear it one more time. Well, it's like a pale slower slower. It's like a holder for water or shit

Yes, or throw up My god, yeah, she gets quickly time what mania is getting worse. See her deteriorating before your eyes. Let's do the time warp again. Ugh! Ugh! No, don't stand in your own sick. Just take a step to the left. I said eat those.

Whoa, whoa! I know it will help. Throw this toaster to her. Ow. It didn't do much, but it does give the people throwing it some sense of connection, I suppose, to what they're looking at. Here I'll throw some meatloaf. Oh! Is that going on the blooper reel?

So what's going on with this little kid? She's real sick. What happened? I hadn't realized that effects that travel through time and space could have on a person from your planet. Time warp mania seeps into the bones begins to set cells against each other, turns the marauder jelly. Like, it's all happening at once. So we have machinery and kreeg's castle that can undo this, but we do need to access it soon. I don't think you're ready for this jelly. My god. If I took the hyper laser and converted it into a time-linement ray, I might be able to

restore it to her normal self. My god! I don't understand anything anybody's saying. No one has attempted that level of home-spung, folksy technology for millennia. I can't imagine it working today. Well, you've encountered the tenacity of the human race, my friend. You see, Arnie here? He knows almost nothing, yet he has survived battle after battle, and I, with only my wits and my human soul and heart have I fought through these cosmos to protect all that needs protecting. Even now, I shall to my lab to create a timeline, Mint Ray. Yeah, I don't need book learning to save the universe all I need is moxie and my QB skills.

Yes, and Strange Man, watch your tone around us. The whole point of an interrogation is for you to be in terror. I didn't think I'd have to use this, but I'm going to use the Romano Ray. Oh! Oh, you know what's up. Oh god, please make it stop. I just want to watch some TV, yeah. What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna bed with an apple. I'll tell you what ever you want to do. Deborah! Deborah, I don't want to go to Deborah Come on, can you watch the kids? Oh, I work to do. I don't know the Ramon array is underrated It's like you've frozen my heart and terror from that an entire ice age is beginning inside my chest Please stop stop whatever you need to know the codes to creaks castle Don't worry. I'll get you to chant back to normal by using this Peter dial.

Ugh, look, we don't have time for this Romano Rake. Can't you tell this girl is experiencing the big sick? Doctor Dora, I'm back, please, destroy this ray. Yes, put it somewhere that we'll never see it again, except for a brief period of like four episodes of something and then it will go away again quickly and we won't see it again ever. I just don't understand why we're being so hard on the Romano Ray. I mean like it seems nice, very funny. It deserves to be destroyed. Okay.

I do like it better than Ray Leno. I've done it, honey. I've reversed a polarity on the hyperlacer and I've made it into a time-linement ray. Doc, you're gonna have to explain this to me in human language. What will this do? It's a ray that can correct the time warp sickness that's affecting this poor girl! Wait, isn't Dr. Zador also human? Why did you ask him to say it in human language? I speak the language of a scientist which sometimes Arnie thinks is an alien language. Yeah, he speaks egghead.

You know, nerd talk. She's dying. Quickly. Wait, just one thing, Doc, is it possible? This is a trick or a trap. Are we gonna zap this kid and it'll give her like super powers like Condor Man or something? Yes. Yes, a fair question that year. The device your own scientist constructed by himself could be a trick.

Let's stop and discuss that while my friend dies. My God, you're right, honey. Quick, Signe's consent forms. Yeah, we don't want another Donna situation on our hands. Yes, who is this Donna? I see all these photos all over this spaceship. There's one right here with embroidered beneath it. Donna will never give up on you. Yes, here. I have Donna's consent form right here.

After being in the prison for a hundred years, she went ahead and consented to our arrangement. What does the tab of this consent form say? I consent to being eaten alive. I think that's pretty obvious. Yeah, I guess me. I get it. Why did she sign her name? Donna want to be eaten. What? Why did she sign her name? I Donna want to be eaten. I guess that was her last name, I never asked.

Uh, all right. Now, I'm aiming the timeline in the beam right. Oh, Julie. Oh, and fire you. Oh, I'm Julie. No, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That sound is normal. That's normal, too. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no'll see us through. Yes, after the device work correctly, what we really need to do is hold the scientist's hands.

And I'm not human, so I have no faith. Doc, your hands are really wet. Yeah, my hands are covered in rancher sauce. Julie, you're back. You survived. Oh my god, it's so weird. Oh, okay. Yeah, thank you. I'm sorry I wasn't really acting like myself, but also I'm not myself.

This is, yeah. I'm sorry. Not myself anymore. Oh no. What has happened? What transformation have you undergone? Dr. Zedor, if your name that you've been saying is to be believed, what have you done to my brain?

Look, he's got a shirt that says Dr. Zedor on it. Why does the name one believe him? Yes, audiences that I wear this shirt, I hate it. Oh, that reminds me. I found some crude t-shirt making supplies downstairs where you had us locked up. I made this that says not impressed. What a strange name. I've been standing here this whole time in a pair of umbrose in a no-fear shirt, and that's

the way I'm living today. No fear. That's why I admire you, Julie. No fear at all. An exemplary human being of all the ones I've met, even the ones in this room. Brose, no fear. Should we be worried? I don't know. It's a pretty bold statement for a kid.

I'm not a child anymore. Sorry. I've been through a lot of time holes in a different space. Doc, Chand is it just me or she does look older than she was when she first came on the ship. Watch it. Clearly the time dilation and the effects of the time Lyman Ray time-warp sickness must have prematurely aged her, but she's also at the same time ageless. Perhaps she is tied to time itself. My God, think of the implications. And as not just her, look, not only does she look older,

but her t-shirt is starting to look more and more ironic. We may be looking at the creation of an entirely new being, something that has absorbed time into itself, mastered it. Do you know what's fun for me? Is just sitting here listening to all of you figure it out of what's going on. I don't need any of you to be telling me what's happening. None of you know you just invented a ray

Shot it at me willy-nilly without any indication of what it may or may not do You let me stand in a hoop Dying from time sickness for a very long time while everybody pontificated and discussed and we're so Clever what we have segments now. I was trying to keep them on track for what it's worth. I appreciated it, but you know what? I'm just gonna kind of look around here for myself. Do you mind if I get rid of these hoops?

Oh, how did you do that? They just churned to dust. I kicked them. Yeah, that's not hard to do. I didn't want to say anything. You were so excited about using them. Yeah, I couldn't tell if that was like some kind of magic or just shitty hoops. Running into hoops, that shitty, and people that are still using them, is magic of a sort.

If I ever do wear a shirt Arnie, please know that it would say magic or shitty hoops. Do you mind if I just take some of the things over here and just see if I can make something out of them? Uh, I suppose that's all right. Okay, thank you. She seems to be levitating all around the room, collecting all sorts of equipment of mine. Darkshin, we be worried about what kind of new energy we have on the ship. It is impressive to see someone use this equipment correctly.

Heh heh heh. Better levitate than never. That's a shirt. Now that's a shirt. I'll have to go back to the computer rooms and calculate what could happen here. Quickly, my punch cards! So, uh... Alien Prisoner, do you have any idea what's going on here? Also, I never got a name. What should I call you? Oh, why don't we just leave that a mystery from now? All right. I'll call you a... Mr. Mr. Mystery.

You're making me regret not telling you what it would be better to call me, but we'll just go with Mr. Mystery. Arnie, I fear we've reached the point in the show for an interruption of transmission. Look, Chan, I know you interrupted me at the beginning of the show, but I've already let it go. No, I'm saying we need to take a break. Oh, gotta... gotta go shit? No, I couldn't possibly. Oh, that's right.

That's right. That was cruel. Can you let me in on the progress of that chip inside your body? Like what's going on in there? I will make myself transparent so that you can watch the process as we take a quick break. Glad we're talking about this again. Whoa, chant your pregnant. And we're back and I will now hand over the reins for the transmission to you Arnie. Thanks Shant. Alright well, things seem really screwed up on the ship right now. We got a child turning into an almost godlike being floating around the ship. Honestly, it seems like she's changing the molecular makeup of some of parts of the ship. And I made cocktails.

Oh, I'd love one. Sure, here you go. Made one for everybody. This is just floating over to my hand. You really have become something else. I've said that. Okay. Just refreshing, then. Hmm. My god, Arnie, I think this might be all my fault.

The rancher dip I made, it's... It has other properties I didn't expect. It's begun to break down it into its component pieces. And part of it is... Angel Seaman. Wh- Look, Doc, first of all, we've been over this. Everything isn't about your chips.

Like, I feel like you always think your chips are both the... The peak and the peak of every... First of all, stop right there. It's a dip. Oh, it's a rancher dip. It's not a chip. What the hell have I been putting? I've been focusing on the chip, not the dip. You can put a chip in there, you can put a carrot in there, you can put whatever you want in there. Hmm. Apparently you can put angel semen in there. Is that what I'm hearing?

Uh, cannon did. That is a forbidden substance in this area. You should know better as a scientist. My god, chant. This is all my fault. No, it's okay. The baby is kicking. I guess it's safe to say that you chair rubbed one out.

Cocktail? Oh, thank you. I need this desperately. Mal, I'm it that there's angel semen and everything? Yes, could we just, what in the ship does not have angel semen in it? Let's see, uh, you're new, so I think you're good. Can we do a black light test? Can we do a black light test? Oh no. Black light is shooting out of our eyes. Oh no, she's a room writer. Please, don't look over there.

Lights out. Look, wait, wait, wait, before we do this black light test, Oh no! Black light is shooting out of her eyes! Oh no, she's a room raider. Please, don't look over there. Lights out. Look, wait, wait, wait, before we do this black light test, there's a little only show us angel scene, right? I just want to be very clear about that. Well, there's some on my cape, and I've been conscious the whole time I've been here, so... What the hell?

Maybe it brushed against something, I don't know. Something... that's adding a lot of mystery, I think we don't need. Wait, everyone everyone please stop The baby is not just kicking it's punching. Oh It's ripping it's ripping through my stomach. Oh, no, Arnie quick put on a shirt Arnie. It's moving fast like a thrown football Catch it. I got it. All right now I've never had to say this before in my life. What do I do with this football shape? Uh, I had it very gently to me.

Don't know if I can do that. Go along! Ah! Here I go! Alright! Sailing across the room! Ah! Oh! Ha-ha-ha! Ah! Good one, Arnie!

Is the, uh, Space Angel bleeding out? Jant! Yes. Jan, buddy. I-I don't know how it works with Space Angels, uh... Are you gonna be able to survive this? Good luck getting any reasonably timed medical attention around here, so, you know... Fair game on that one. This arc has a meter.

It's off the charts. My god. It's gonna blow! Jan, I don't know how this works with Space Angels. You're looking pretty bad! Well, I did this to myself I got myself pregnant gave birth to myself and soon I will die, but don't worry the baby angel Wait, soon you will die. Yes. Please don't repeat what I just said. I don't have much time before I beat what you just said I'm about to fuck the bucket. Yeah, oh, I'm not gonna say that. Oh

Someone's about to die. Should we do the talk about last week's segment now? Well, I created a hyperlacer and I was very proud of that. I thought it was the excellent work at the last minute. Oh, sorry, the sarcasm meter was going off, I didn't see. Chad, is this because of the chip? Possibly, but mostly because I ate my own semen and it impracted any of myself Okay, yeah before I die Arnie, please

Describe the bucket one more time. Well, you know, it's like a slower you get from like a true hardware or something like that And yes, you know, maybe put them up in her If you have too much to drink. You're not sure you're gonna get through the night you put the bucket next to the side of your bed just in case you get a... Yes. Doctors at all. Quick, hit me with the Romano ray. Yeah.

Ah! I'm mother-in-law's, huh? No thing. He's left us. Wow. At just the right moment. Well, it's sad, but the transmissions will go on. Oh my god, thank you for the implications. If I put the body of this space angel into my psychotronometer,

I would be able to learn the secrets of the universe. Oh, was your psychotronometer down by where you were holding us? I Slipped it on for a second and it melted. Oh Yes, it was it was down in the level below where we lifted you up with the rings Yeah, you let me next time you're holding a prisoner. Maybe don't lead them around so much stuff I mean there was a t-shirt making station whoa hold on the t-shirt making station. Whoa, a cycle. Hold on, the t-shirt making station. That's where I make my t-shirts.

Yes, I saw there was like a hundred of t-shirts saying Arnie. So we're good on that front, but I found that one blank one to make my own not-impressed shirt. Oh, what about the laser best tapetator? Oh, that? Yes. Yeah, there was, you have a sort of a utility sink down there that was sort of leaking, so I just rammed it up there, so it seems like it's finally been put to good use.

Oh. Uh, the, the Takiya inverter? That I, uh, put between two pieces of bread that I found in a little tiny fridge you have in the corner, it was delicious. My loaf of bread? That I, I, that's being repurposed to power the ship. Oh, okay, good. Well, this has been a nice interrogation, but I probably should be on my way. However, I do have you strange three, four-for-a-moment, three again, to thank for the life of my former companion now something else.

So, I suppose I can leave you with some small piece of information. Should you need to resupply or perhaps just ask more questions, I can give you the code to the side entrance to Creeke's castle. I can write it down for you, shall I? Yes, please. We'd love that. Oh, what? Wait, sorry, I know it's alarming to hear a baby talk with this voice, but it is me reborn. Well, look who's talking. Exactly. Dr. Zador, what ray did you say was destroyed? Oh, the psychotronometer. Kiske say. Sorry, just wanted to say that. Please, let's get to the end.

This is the same chance. Worth backing up for. First I was like, do all space angel babies have the same voices? But no, I'm pretty confident. That is exactly the same chance. You just transferred his consciousness into that baby. Would you like it that though? The metal and normal wing have switched places.

Oh. That's a fun detail. Now I'll have to hold up my fan art to a mirror. That's right. Quickly give us the password. We need it desperately. Wands? Wands.

That's it, write it down. You will need it when you reach the door. Yeah, write that down. It's just the number one. It's so simple no one has guessed it from millennia. Oh. Brilliant. No one's even like,

started, had a guess that started with a one. No, because then they, they keep adding things. And that cancels it out. It's got a submit button. Yes, exactly. If we happen to forget the number, not saying we will, just if what happens, how many tries do we have? You just the one? That's what also keeps. That's how we can remember.

Yes, just think to yourself, how many shots do I have at this? And the answer to that question is the password. Archimedes, go, so I've got it! And from the knowledge that I've gained, too, I just wanted to let you know that what's going to happen as well is there's not going to take it right away. There's going to be a long pause after you put in the one that's going to make you think that you should do something else.

But you shouldn't do anything else in that moment. You should just trust that you've done it correctly and wait for the click. Yes, of course. Hit one and then a way to indicate a pause or space is to hit multiple zeros. So we'll hit one, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, until the one clicks. No. Uh, don, until the one clicks. No. Uh... Don't scream at a baby.

I can't make it any easier for you, so... You do what you think is right, and then accept the consequences. Oh, very well. But should that much gold light be coming out of your friend? Yeah, lady, you're glowing a lot of gold. Mm-hmm. I think, you know what, I think I've gotten enough stuff

that I needed around from all of you. I've assembled a vessel. I'm gonna take it. And I'm just gonna get out of here. Okay, so it has been a hoot, a blast, and a holler to be spending time with all of you. I hope to see you never again. I'm out to follow my dreams and make my way in this big old nasty space world. So I'll see you soon. It is high time I leave. Later, Queens.

Wait, lady, we never caught your name. I don't have one. I was Julian. I'm gonna figure it out later. Did she just make a space skateboard out of a bunch of stuff around the spaceship? Yes, I thought there'd be more stuff to protect it from space, but it was pretty much a skateboard. And she just went out into the vacuum on it. Okay, I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, I really got hurt. I really got hurt. All we have, what she's having.

I thought maybe the gold light would protect you, but you just, uh, yes, you have to encapsulate yourself somehow. I have never skateboarded in my life. It was, it was a more choice. So I think you'll be able to do it even a little bit, but yeah, it's tricky. So it was the skateboarding that hurt you, not the fact that you're in space. No, the gold protects me. I the fact that you were in space. No, the gold protects me. I'm invulnerable to space, but I bid it.

I immediately hit a curb and bid it. Maybe try building something that will catch your fall. It may be an umbrella. Hold on, you hit a curb. You went out in the space. you hit a curb you went out in the space And she hit a curb somewhere. Yes, we're real close to a rest stop You may not have noticed this but just a little ways away from your rocket ship It's kind of a utility rest stop so she probably slammed right into that. Yes, Arnie. I've been trying to tell you we're in parking space currently. Good parking space, it looks like.

Oh yes, and it appears we've come to the end of our destination for the day, and now that you've given us this vital information, my god, should we set this mysterious man free? I guess so. If only because it'll be more exciting when we come face to face again in the future. I'm just helping myself to medical supplies, because once again no one is helping me.

I came in bleeding. And now we know the secret. Help yourself to the medical supplies. Oh, I assume the time-limit ray fixed everything for you, but you're still bleeding? A little bit. Oh, sorry. I guess they needed to hold hands longer.

Arnie, we've witnessed the birth of an angel. We've learned the secrets to Kriegs Castle, and we've seen... Stacker, you coming on to me? Not, not even... Why would you even think that? You just look me straight in the eye and said you're- ...seen the birth of an angel. Wolf.

Doctor, you coming on to me? Doctor's a door. Would you be so kind as to put out your thumb so I might grasp it with my tiny hands? Sure. Then I'm gonna go fill out some applications for new jobs. Fair enough. I gotta say, this- this baby space angel is pretty adorable. Sure, then I'm gonna go fill out some applications for new jobs. Fair enough. I gotta say, this baby space angel is pretty adorable. Okay, got goo goo.

Well, now I feel like I'm intruding on something that's really gonna leave a mental scar. So, uh, those spinning hoops you had me in, would it be too, uh, much of an imposition if I were to keep them? I just... I knew a bunch of people that would love to see these. I just didn't even know they were in circulation anymore. Oh sure, I just got those at a junkyard. Oh real? Okay, you seem pretty proud of them earlier. So that's a new angle on that story. I would love to hold on to them. Reduce reuse recycle, right? Okay. Before anymore virtue signaling, I think I'll be on my way. And I built a mini-bike, bye!

Ah! She's really built something that covers her more. She's very powerful, but she also clearly has no balance. She's really booking it on that mini-bike though. So, let's go over what we know. The code number is... shit. One. Yes, shit. One. Yes, one. Good. But for a... for a door? Seems short, right? Probably one pound sign?

That's typically what you do. Right. Because he said, you only get one pound sign chance to open the door. Yeah, speaking of memories, Arnie, I'd like to introduce a new segment. Let's talk about something that just happened in the last 10 minutes. Okay. Well, uh... I'll go first. You just introduced a new segment. Yes, I'll go second. I gave birth to myself. I'll go third. I think I was reverse sexually harassed by my boss.

I think that was just sexually harassed. I don't think it. I don't think it was reverse sexually harassed. No, because you assumed I was sexually harassing you somehow. Oh yeah. Yikes, is Arnie your boss? I get a paycheck. What?

I answer to no one, then I get a paycheck. I've got to get a better kick. Arnie travels by rocks. Arnie is a space of treasure. Arnie is the same as Rocky Girls! Don't even bother asking, yes I still have those security hoops and I use them to dry my homemade pasta. You know, hearing Julie's voice after all these years got me thinking, it's just a theory

but I bet I can summon up a direct line to the old space bunker with this miniature canole oven. Yes, there we are. Oh, look at Spacebunker Zeta. This is the high-time queen. I'm not available right now, but I'm definitely doing my job here, and I certainly didn't lose an important piece of Spacebunker technology a year or so ago. The conscious transmitter, I think.

Oh, and a laser gun. Probably not good that someone in Fune has those right now. Anyway, leave your message after the beep. Ooh, we got a ping! The cadences are exact, as anyone from Baltimore would tell you. So, I had a hand in creating the high-time queen. I wonder if Julia is still in there somewhere. And if either of them have learned how to write a skateboard. You've been listening to Hello from the Future, a fake podcast different than our normal fake podcast.

Dr. Zedor the scientist was played by Matt Young. Chant, the shirtless space angel, was played by decidedly shirt-head Atal Rathiah. Julia Andrews, the young girl from 1989 Ohio, was played by Brooke Bright, currently directing the game Job Job, coming out this fall as part of the Jackbox Party Pack 8. Admiral Mysterious was played by... Earth Voice Over Artist Christopher Dezels. Hello from the Magic Tavern and all of its branch realities is produced by Arne Neekam, Matt Young and Adel Rathre, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz,

earwolf producer Kimi Lucas. This episode edited by Sage GC, who I really kept waiting this week. Does Sage hold grudges? We're about to find out. Special assistance provided by Ryan to Georgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban. Hello from the future theme by Nick Gage. Hello from the future logo by Jay Douglas. If you've made it this far, I promise you, we'll be more normal next week. You