Hello From The Magic Tavern - Offices and Bosses S1E2: Krom from I.T.

Episode Date: May 6, 2019

Krom the Fingarian joins the campaign to retrieve the Q4 numbers, as our band of adventurers contends with…Happy Hour!CreditsArnie, aka Orlando Bloom: Arnie NiekampChunt, aka Dan Smith: Adal RifaiUsidore, aka John Bastion: Matt YoungMetamore: Bill ArnettKrom, aka Gail Davidson-Durst: Mark LogsdonMr. Bart and Mr. Barts Assorted Children: Rich SommerMysterious Man: Tim SniffenHigh Time Queen: Brooke BreitProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hello again, it's me, the high-time queen from Space Bunker Temp Services. Clearly, I still don't have a better assignment from the temp agency. I was really hoping to get a cushy reception gig, you know where I could just sit at a desk, occasionally answer the phone, and write my novel about a dog with fire powers. It's called Bark Draft. Oh well. I guess instead I'm just dusting off another episode of the Hello from the Magic Tavern Spin-Off Mini-Series, offices, and bosses. Did I mention I found one of the robots they used to fake that behind the scenes episode?

Say hello to Robot Matt Young. You're one to talk. Ugh, who even are you Robot Matt Young? Nobody wants to hear someone that they've known and beloved for years as one thing sound like something else. And I am not a roro robot. Well you might as well make yourself useful and read this ad stuff. Hi, this is Matt Young.

Definitely not a robot. And I'm here to announce a very exciting event happening at the Apple Store at 401 North Michigan Avenue on May 17 at 6.30pm. Hello, hello from the Magic Tavern is going to be doing the first event in a series of podcasting events. And our event is called serialized narrative podcasting. You can talk to the creators of Hello from the Magic Tavern about their process, and we'll walk you

through the way we create a show that is simultaneously improvised, but usually beholden to the canon it creates. It's going to be a lot of fun, and we can't wait to see you there at 6.30 p.m. on May 17th at the Apple Store, 401 North Michigan Avenue right here in Chicago, Cah-cah-cah-go. Because I'm definitely not on a space bunker. We'll have more information for you very soon, so keep an eye on the Twitter account at Magic

Tavern to learn more. Okay, one more thing. If you're going to Jen Khan and Indianapolis, I mean, who isn't, there will be live shows of hello from the Magic Tavern in town at the same time. 8 and 10 pm on August 2nd. So go to hellofromthemagictavern.com and click the live shows tab to get tickets right now. Okay, all I have to do is push this button, old hat, pull this lever, hacha, and ta-da, old podcast. Here not marketing manager, IT professional, sales rep, and temp.

I am Office Manager, your guide in the realm of offices and bosses. Hi, welcome to offices and bosses. I'm Arnie Neek, a camp host of Hello from the Magic Tavern, but apparently no one cares about that one. We're not recording Hello from the Magic Tavern. I apparently no one cares about that when we're not recording Hello from the Magic Tavern. I know one cares about it while we are recording it. Well, I'm a human from Earth, trapped in a magical world of fun, where apparently people play a role-playing game based off of working in an office on Earth. Isn't it wonderful what a magical time.

Finally, I, Yusudor, wizard of the 12th realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devourer ofor, Wizard of the 12th Realm of a fesiest master of Light and Shadow, manipulator of Magical Delights, devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Holes of Turokus! The hills, Nomi is fying out, the dwarves, Nomi is so new, and I am known in the North East as Gaspwinius Mastar, and no, there are so many other secret aims I shall now speak. Finally, I can cast off these magical magical titles and be known in the game of offices embossed simply as John Bastion. Yeah, and it's a thing where it's like, yeah, I'm a shape shifter. Yes, I'm King of Badgers, but you know, that gets tiresome. You know, I want to shrug that off and be a

temp named Dan Smith. John, you're just such an adorable little badger. Why would you want to be anything else? So, thank you. Well, that's why I've been a badger for so long. I can be other things, but I've just chosen to be a badger. And Metamorph, thank you so much for hosting this game. You know, it's fun. I mean, if I wasn't playing with you guys, I'd be playing with other people.

Sure. So, Metamorph, office manager. Like, just, you know, when I was here a couple of times, you mentioned your goal quest, do you sit door and again, I'm still, you're still when I was here a couple of times, you mentioned your gold quest, Ducador, and again, I'm still, you're still on the roster. Okay, okay, okay, you're still on the roster. Okay, well, you'd give me a list of things

to kind of try to find. Yes, how's that coming along? It's going, yeah, I had one question. There was something about, it looked like it was soup and pastries on the same, or soup, soup, pository, is that a thing? Yes. Is that a thing?

Yes. Well, I thought it was soup. Most things, just one item per line, five shovels. Right. 36 arrows. Right. And on the same line was, You got all those arrows?

Oh, yeah, yeah. There's a few things I haven't quite in. Well, soup, positories. Let's talk about this. Let's talk about this after the show. That's a good name for Buttsuit Store. It's a Buttsuit Store? It really is.

You know what? I just realized, for the longest time, whenever we would talk about who had joined Yousador's quest, we'd be like, and I've got a, what are you two eight? I'm doing your voice. That was ten years. That's right. Got a, I, and a, and a, make up honest. And I'm sure there's others I'm that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that.

I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that.

I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that.

I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. Re-forgettable and that space on on the quest other than just you know taking notes I'm probably not gonna be useful No, you'll be incredibly useful you'll help us solve all manner of ruin and puzzled Yes, I look forward to the day when we set forth on this great adventure together finally But today we have a different adventure to set out to part and don't we? Yeah, sure. Let's make things more meta it's also, it's a little annoying.

Like we set up this game where like, look, let's play a big office embosses campaign with Yucidor, Chunt, and our buddy Flower. And Flower couldn't come today. So he just asked Krom the Fingarian to sit in. Well, thank you. That was quite the introduction. No, but thank you, Crom. Thank you for playing

Flour's character for us. I'm very excited. I haven't played offices and bosses since I was a young Hungarian. I gotta say, it's adorable as hell that you're just lying on your stomach and then you put your hands together and you put your chin on it because you can't really sit down. You're gigantic. Yeah, you're huge. I understand. So you're familiar with the game, you've already played some?

It has been a long time, but yes, I've played before. Oh, wonderful, that's good. I've looked over Flowers' character sheet for Gail Davidson Durst, IT team. Yeah. And it looks like she's mostly just drawn pictures of uh... steamons pollinating pistols that sounds right but i think i get the gist of what you know

steamons pollinating pistols is that right? those are the male and female parts of the hour anatomy no i'm sure no Arnie, what were you gonna say? no no i'm sure they're... i'm sure it's right how the flowers work on your world it's reproduction

i gotta say, statement and... Stamen and pistol. Where does this sound go? They both sound like they would be the male part. Right? Wow. Anyway. Just...

This is show what a great lover I am. So you think it takes two males to make a flower? I mean, is something wrong with that? No, there's nothing wrong with that. The flower, loves what a flower loves. What if a pouch and a receptacle want to have a child? Is that okay?

A pouch and a receptacle? Yeah. Okay. Well, you know, when last we played, John Batchin got fired. I got fired. So what happens to me now? Well, like I said, you'll have, you

can file for unemployment. All right. Yeah, I don't understand that. How come he gets to sit at home and he makes about the same amount of money that I do? Well, do I have to go file for the unemployment? Is that what I'm doing today? Well, before we go file for unemployment, as we learned, as Gail found out that the rise, the person who fired you actually knew that she had held onto those numbers and kept them from me. Oh, conspiracy. It is a conspiracy. Yes, something is something, something strange.

This could have been an illegal termination of employment. And there could be something in there. You know, Metamorph, I have a question for you. I have initiative. May I make a phone call to my friend Orlando Bloom? That's me. I guess it probably wouldn't be a bad idea for us to remind new listeners of who all of our characters are. Sure.

And Boss. Yeah. I'm Metamorph of the office manager. As I mentioned earlier, I am Dan Smith, the temp. Oh great. And I am Orlando Bloom, an elf from another world that fell through a dimensional portal behind a blacksmith choppy into the Mums' A.

It's just a shop. It's just a shop. Even if it's all like that, it's just a shop. And I, of course, amuse it all the blue playing John Bastion. And this is Crom the Hungarian playing Gail Davidson Durst ITT. We'll pick up again at the end of the work day and maybe everyone is at the bar. The tavern below the office. A fun, jaunty place called Stocks and Blonds, where all the office workers hang out afterwards

and loosen their ties, and all the other workers are there, and of course they probably have heard some of them heard through the various channels that John Bastion's termination. So, well, maybe we'll start off in this bar setting. Yeah, I see you. Wonderful. I come into the bar with my carded box of cat pictures

and sit them down for lonely, upon the table and the weight. Dan Smith notices John Bastion and walks over to awkwardly hug you with one arm and it turns into more of like a, just a side hug versus a full one hug. Do we have to roll for that? Well, I'll let it happen.

All right. And Orlando Bloom sort of awkwardly waves from where his head is stuck in the hole and his hands are stuck to the holes. Because he's in the stocks, yeah. I will search the room for snacks. You find a bowl of peanuts and pretzels. Great.

I'll eat some of the pubnics. Classic gal. Person approaches you. Emily some of the pubnets. Classic gal. A person approaches you. Emily from the office approaches you, John, to express her condolences. Thanks Emily. I don't know what I'm going to do. Well, that's just terrible.

I heard about everything that happened. Yeah, and you know, Gail said she saw that unit. Oh, really? Yeah. Go and roll a die roll fast against your charisma. Eleven. Okay. Hey, you know what I heard?

What? I heard that Roz hates you. What? Roz hates you. Why? What did I do? I didn't do anything. Well, that's just it.

Maybe she just hates you. Oh. That's what I heard. Well, thanks's just it. Maybe she just hates you. That's what I heard. Thanks, Emily. I'm going to see if I can fight this. Well, I hope you can. I hope you can. You do?

There may be some other people around who know some stuff. I don't know. I don't really. OK. Thanks. I don't know if you want to use any other persuasion. You are a marketing manager. You're very persuasive.

OK. I shall dawn my Fedora, and I shall attempt to persuade Emily to tell me more of what she knows. Great to enroll there. 15. 15. Look, you didn't hear it from me, but you know, Aaron, the girl Aaron, yes, not the guy Aaron, yes, she's got red hair. Yeah, I know the girl Aaron. Okay, this is the guy Aaron has brown hair. Right, so the girl Aaron,

you're talking about red-headed girl Aaron. Red-headed girl Aaron, okay. Not red-headed guy Eric. No, no, no, not Eric. Brown-headed Aaron, red-headed Eric. Red-headed Aaron. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you guys talking about Sora? Huh? Red-eyed Sora? Well, this is going on. I remove my arm from John Best in shoulder. I exclaim I can't even and I go to the bar for a cocktail. What did Red Hater Aaron say her sister

Know someone who works for the department of labor, okay? I press her for more information about the Department of Labor. I don't that's all I know you can have to find Aaron That's all I know okay, I'll go for her and I heard she's working late tonight. Oh, okay I run to find Dan Smith. He's at the bar having a drink. And I'm already a little drunk, and I hold my messenger bag full of 38 eyeballs above my head,

and I say, hey, my eyes are up here, and then have her laugh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Still got it. Now, a trunt. No, it's Dan Smith. I'd dance, Dan. I need you to go up to the office and talk to Red Hat, Aaron, she said,

the guy? No, no, no. Eric is the guy with Red Hair. I thought there was Aaron with Brown Hair, who is a guy? No, Aaron, Aaron is a guy with Brown Hair. I can't, Eric is a guy with Red Hair. Aaron is a lady with Red Hair. You know Aaron?

Yes, I do. Okay, I can't go back in the office because... Wait, how many? How many? Aaron's either? Two Aaron's. Two human Aaron's? Yes. Two Aaron's human.

Thank you for an interrupt. Well, the game's over. Uh, yeah, I need you to go up and talk to Aaron and find out what she knows from her sister works to the Department of Labor. Are you gonna sue? I might sue. Okay, because that's putting me in a lot of trouble. If I get caught working against the company, bringing a lawsuit... You're just finding out what Aaron knows. Okay, I'm just saying, like, I don't come from money, so, like, this is a big deal for me. Orlando Bloom uses his elf powers to talk to a horse. OK, the horse says, hey.

Classic horse. Classic horse. Oh, that horse. Typical horse. That fucking horse. Metamor, can I ask you an out of game question? Sure, sure. Yeah.

I've been going through the employee handbook just trying to understand if I wanted to transition from the IT team to this opening in the marketing department without it possible. It is possible, but any experience you earn will have to go towards marketing and you'll not gain any more abilities in the IT field. I understand. Are you trying to poach my job? Hmm? Are you trying to poach my job? What as a kid I always loved playing as a marketing manager not as comfortable playing as an IT team.

Fine. Okay, so I'm gonna say I've never seen you as really like competent at anything as you are at playing offices in bosses You shouldn't say that, that's very rude. Oh really? You don't have to make me. I was gonna say, Crom, as you're at the bar, Aaron approaches you. Aaron, the brown head? Yes, brown head guy Aaron approaches you.

And I said, wow, I heard about your buddy John, that's too bad. Yeah, terrible. What's the marketing department going to do that leaves a big gap? Yeah, it does, I'm sure they'll have to find somebody to fill that in. Yeah, it's a shame. If only they could find someone that knew how to speak to the more technical components of the company,

you know, who had the language of the technical side, but the marketing skills, the creative mind of a marketing manager. Well, that really is a core competency, you know, who had the language of the technical side, but the marketing skills, the creative mind of a marketing manager. Well, that's, I mean, that really is a core competency, you know, it's, it's nice to hear you say those kinds of things. Maybe we should have a face-to-face sometime. I would love that. Okay. Can I get something on your calendar?

Sure. Yeah. Great. You know what? Here. Here's my phone right here. I'm going to run to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?

Sure. I'll look after your phone when you're in the bathroom. Thanks, thanks, Gail. Thank you very much, Gail. I want to have a face to face. Do you have a face to face with Orlando? Orlando Bloom? I have a face to face so no one can help me. Orlando Bloom is an outsider in a game.

Look, it's not my fault that I'm trapped in a world that's not my own. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a blacksmith shop. It's not a shoppy. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal. Is Gail in the bar or is she in the office? I'm in the bar. Gail's in the bar.

So I'm going to go over to Gail. I noticed the phone has been left behind, and I'm going to nudge Gail with my shoulder and go, hey, look what you got. Access. Oh, this phone? Yeah. I'm just supposed to look after it. Yeah, but why don't you look through it?

This is an ethical dilemma. So Gales in the Bar are both human errands in the Bar? But there's three human errands. Three? Two are at the Bar. One is working late in the office. Oh, so there are two human, two errands human. All errands are human.

One, but in the bar it's two errands human. Yes. Wait a minute, yes. But there's also, I think I messed it up. There's an Eric somewhere in there as well. Oh, there's an Eric. Okay, there's an Eric. One Eric human. I leave Gailale I walk over to Orlando and I cut off both his ears. Ah two-eater 11 do I have any kind of defense against this eyes? What's on your sheet? Oh, let's see here. Oh boy I've got a changed shield of squarning. I've got a sort of loving sort of loving, sort of loving. You have a what-of-loving?

Look, I don't have access to a Dendres and Dragons manual here. I had to make a lot of this stuff up myself. It's not easy to just make up fantasy things. I know that's something you guys don't know anything about. No, we wouldn't know it all. I imagine someone just sat there all day and was like, come up with stuff, come up with stuff. Pretty easy, actually. It's hard to tell that you're an elf without your two ears.

I know. I guess two ears to human. That's why I wanted them. Aaron returns from the bathroom. Oh, thanks for looking after my phone. You didn't go through it, did you? No, I did not. Good, good.

Well, I'm gonna leave it here, because I got a, I'm gonna rush high as fuck, I'll get rough ass, I'm gonna leave it here. Okay, thank you for looking after it. At this point, I'm thinking, Gail's thinking that he's leaving this phone here. He's really playing with fire. He's opening himself up.

He's so, to a lot of a vulnerable trust in me right now, but I can't take it. I'm gonna look through that phone. Cram, you're in the zone. Go ahead, roll. You're in the moment. Roll a 20-cydeer here. All right.

And with my IT bonus to technical interaction, that's a 14 plus 3, 17. 17, you find a note that says, Rylez has a weakness, she doesn't spend time with her family and feels guilty about it. 17. You find a note that says, Raaz has a weakness. She doesn't spend time with her family and feels guilty about it. Interesting. Now I am still sitting at the bar, sort of drowning my sorrows when I notice that Dan Smith hasn't left the bar as I previously requested. I approached Dan Smith and asked him, so why didn't he go on to talk to Aaron yet?

Here's what we're gonna do. Okay. Over on that coat rack is a comically large coat. I'm gonna get on your shoulders, but not the coat, and we're both gonna go see Aaron. We need to roll for that? Definitely, okay. Definitely, okay.

We have three. Okay, well, it turns out as a temp, your security badge is only good during business hours. Wow. Shoot. So your security badge will not be able to get everybody in. Can I still get on your shoulders? That's fine. You're able to get the coat on and the shoulders. That was, that worked great. It's kind of fun. Can I pass my fedora to him? It seems appropriate. I put on the fedora and I climb on top of John and button up the coat. Does my security badge still work?

It's probably been deactivated. It has been deactivated, that's correct. Oh, that's gale or a landota. Here's what we do, so I'm on your shoulders, we button up the coat, I'm wearing your Fedora. I walk over to, who was Gail talking to? Aaron. Aaron, so I go walk over to Aaron,

and while I engage Aaron, I want a role to see if John can sneak his hand through the coat and grab her badge. And I did say badge, okay, good. It's his badge, his badge, I'm sorry. Wait, who's Aaron? This is the brown-headed Aaron. Aaron the brown-head, all right?

And that's gonna be a 15. 15, you're able to get Aaron's badge from Aaron. Yes! All right, so in business, baby. He's a serious, yes, right. All right, so in business, baby. In business, baby. Yes, right. All right, so you leave and go to the business? Does Gail and Orlando come with you?

I suppose we should ask them, Gail Orlando, would you like to join us on our quest back to the office this evening? Well, I took his ears. Never mind. Gail. I mean, it's basically just Arnie's still. Look, we had a quest to get those numbers, right?

And we didn't complete it. Let's get back in that office together. Alright, let's do it. What are we talking about? I threw my fedora in the air and I hope that it freezes and stays. Do you roll for that? Can I? I want to stop.

I want like, time to stop and I want my hat to just stay in the air. Yeah. Right after I threw it. And perhaps some music crescendoing as it happens. That'd be great. Yeah. Can I? I want to stop, I want like time to stop and I want my hat to just stay in the air right after I throw it. And perhaps some music crescendoing as it happens. That'd be great. Yeah. Yeah, it's very, very difficult. Oh, that's a one.

Okay, it doesn't happen, man. The tale you flip the hat and it tears into two pieces each way and then you make it into a pile of manure. Move, move. Idiots come fire and hand you a road in my hat. I love that. Not a great day for John Sebastian. It's John Bastion.

It's not John Sebastian. Take it back. John, I'm going to be honest about the Fedora. Dan might have done your favor here. What? What do you mean? What? You were wearing a hat around the office. It's not very professional.

It's a plus three to charisma though. Is it? I thought it was. If I have two pieces of the hat, is it 1.5 to charisma for each one? I don't think so. I think it's nothing. Maybe we'll define someone who can fix it.

But that is not our goal at the moment. Our goal is to enter the office and find air and find out what she knows. But let's think a quick break and let's refresh our drinks and we'll get back to office and bosses after this message from one of our sponsors. Hey, it's Mr. Barth, but Mr. Barth's fun card. Whereas we always say, we deal in whimsy and social interaction over a set of agreed upon

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over a set of agreed upon rules to tie the pieces of cardboard that we protect me from being so proud of. It's so fun! We have fun! Also, if you would like to play any of these games with me, I haven't played a game with anyone except for my god damn children. Dad!

Dad! I was 14 years old. Dad! I'm a bard! Give me some outside stimulus. We love you! Dear you, God! We love you so much!

Oh, God! Dad! We are in the office, in the downstairs, in the security area, and the Charles is the security guard and he sees I guess he sees Gail and Orlando with no ears and he sees two people stacked on each other's heads in the very large coat. We're in a head covered in shit. I'm assuming you brushed some of that off. Nope. Left it as is. All right. So I try to use the security card to enter. Okay. Charles has not noticed the, we are third hand coming out of the middle of the coat. But the badge is denied.

What? Like, can I help you? Is something, something, something the matter? Damn, I'm badged. Charles, my badge didn't work. I mean, Dan, the temp, your badge didn't work. Yeah. Well, why your a temp, your badge isn't supposed to work.

Oh you didn't hear I got promoted after John Bastion was fired, I got made marketing manager. That's why I am walking so tall today full of confidence. Roll a persuasion check there. That's uh 18. 18. Well tell you what, I'll let you in if you can answer my riddle. Okay. What has two eyes in the morning?

Oh, I do. Here's a bag of 38. I haven't finished the riddle yet. Okay. Seven eyes after breakfast, but no eyes for dessert. Oh, boy. Two eyes in the morning,

seven eyes after breakfast, but no eyes at dessert. John, John, do you have the idea? My first guest is a tank. Mississippi. Is it Mississippi? Mississippi is correct. All right.

But here's the thing. If your badge doesn't work, I can't let you in. But I will tell you this. Okay. If you go around to the load, it was just a riddle for fun. Well, he said he was made marketing manager and you're told the riddle when you're made marketing manager. Arnie, what's Mississippi? It's a state. It's just got a bunch of eyes. I gotta say, I maybe

would have guessed that, but the shit on my head, it just smells like it's like a burning smell. You don't have to keep wearing that hat. I thought it was like a nice distraction. You don't smell like a burning? No. There is a, if you go by the loading dock, I hear you didn't hear it from me, wink, wink, but there is an entryway into the basement of the building. John, yes. Why did he say wink, wink?

He's making it in you window. We should go around that door. He didn't tell us. Oh, thank you for you in the window, Charles. Well, you go in the door, not the window. I sneak in the window. And I rolled a 14. All right, before you find yourselves in a dark basement.

Mm. I'm gonna search the room for snacks. You find no snacks. It's very dark. If anyone has any night vision equipment or x-ray goggles or anything, it's dark in this basement. Orlando Bloom is going to use his elf powers to talk to a horse. Well, there are no horses, but elves actually can't see in dark conditions, so you can actually...

Pass. This is an opportunity for the elf to actually like... To help. To actually help. All you've done, you've killed Diane, you mooped about it, you killed an entire bar full of people, 18 people in a bar, and you got me fired. Don't, in the talk to all the words. Don't feel like I'm being boxed in.

Like, oh, elf, use your elf powers. Maybe I want to do other stuff. Just, whatever you do, pull your weight. Fine. I will use my elf vision to look around the darkened room. Using your elf vision, you can navigate the basement pretty successfully. It's difficult to navigate lots of boxes with papers stored everywhere. It's like bankers, boxes and things.

But you can tell that there is a path through all the boxes. Okay. Do we have to keep walking around on each other's shoulders? To see things quite low here, I would just like- Probably. Why stack it up? I'm not hop off, unless you wanna crouch, and then also crouch on your shoulders. No, I'll just hop off.

Okay, I need everyone to roll a die so if they make any noise in the basement here. 13. 13. 10. 10. Two. Oh boy, 13.

Well, I'm sorry, but Gail, you kick over a box of papers, they spill everywhere. Gail? Ugh, sorry. Just then you see what looks like a light. Someone down there? There's a light shining, almost flashing across. Shit.

Through some of these hallways here. Shit. We should try to hide. Let's try to hide. Wait, Gail, what did you say. Shit. We should try to hide. Let's try to hide. Wait, Gare, what did you say? Shit. That's right.

I'm going to take my pieces of the two hat for a one piece to the west, one piece to the east, and hope that whoever's coming smells the shit and goes back the other way. That's a six. Okay, that does not work. Who's having a choice? Who's down there? Now I'm positive someone's here.

We've got a hide. I wasn't sure at first. Now I'm quite sure someone is here. Let's hide. I want to hide. You see security guard. It's not a security guard. You recognize this is a third party security service

who works for the building and not your company directly. I can't believe I'm going to ask this but I think that already can you shoot this guy? What? Do you have a bow? What's that? Your character. Here, I put the ears onto Orlando.

Oh, yeah, I do, I have an arrow. Can I shoot this guy? You can roll to try to shoot if you like. 17. Boom, right to the head, kills him it. All right. Should've be like 17. Boom, right to the head. Kills him immediately. Oh, what? Oh, what is it?

Oh, I should've specified where I was aiming for. Flashlight rolls on the ground. And I'm going to grab those eyes. That flashlight, by the way, it's two more eyes. It's a tube-like device that emits light from one end. If you're curious. What a wonderful, crazy switch. You can turn it on and off.

May I keep the flashlight? Sure, yes. I don't know if people, you know, this is... That's all right with everyone. Okay, kill that guy. Anything else you want to do on the flashlight? You can have it. No.

Should we search the body for anything else? I can roll the dice and see what you find. Hopefully you're bad. Yes, 17. 17, you find a badge, you find an access key card, and you find a pistol. Ah, yes. Well, you find a badge, you find an access key card, and you find a pistol. Ah, yes, well, do you... But no evidence of a family.

No, no evidence of a family. Can I ask for clarification, is that the female part of a flower anatomy pistol? I think it's a fee, it's... Or... Well, go ahead and roll a die. Let's see if you are aware of that's 15. 15. You for a moment are curious but then you say you know what I believe this is a firearm. In fact if everyone wants to roll for that one just roll fast see if you can tell the difference between a fire pistol and go for two. I don't know what number this is on my die. Okay this should be a little line.

It was a six or a nine at the bottom. Okay, nope, it's a four. Okay, Gail, you're the only one who is convinced that this is actually a firearm, the rest of you are very confidently sure that this is a flower part. Which means you don't know when they can use it, Gail. You'll add that to your character sheet. Okay, okay.

Why are you holding on, sorry. Why are you holding on to that part of a flower? Oh, no reason. All right, well, I'm gonna take these key cards. Let's head upstairs and find Aaron, red-headed lady Aaron. All right, you come to a elevator. It's this magical box that allows you to go.

Oh, I take a shit. Okay, you do and Wait, is it an outhouse like an outhouse? Well, it's like an outhouse. Is that a cubicle? It's like a cubicle with a roof and walls with a rope on top that you can then go up though The whole box can move up or down. Okay, I try and shut up the rope Okay, go ahead and get a very difficult, a doubt 14. Couldn't do it, not on a 14, it's going to go much more different with the track.

The doo-doo falls down on all to everybody. Is there a staircase? I'm just noticing on my character sheet, I have an amulet of Fitbit that is, I believe, powered by steps and stairs climbing. There is an emergency staircase. I'll take the emergency staircase then. Okay. Is that the rest of you taking emergency stairs

or go up the elevator? I'll take the stairs. Smells like shit in this elevator. I'll take the stairs as well. Okay, well, you're going up to the 58th floor. No events along the way, it's fairly quiet, but by the time you get to the 58th floor. No events so long the way it's fairly quiet, but by the time you get to the 58th floor, you're all exhausted.

Actually, if you wanna roll off your strength score at a minus 19. At a minus 19? You're really exot 58 floors. It's a long way to walk. I'm a negative four. Negative four, okay, you're exhausted. Negative three.

You're also exhausted. What's four minus 19? Oh, you're exhausted as well. I thought you took the elevator I did what it's So I'm still still arming still 58 floors when you arrive at the top you realize this is a The alarm will sound if you try to open the door to go into the office So should we head back down? I guess it's our only option, I suppose. What is it the door exiting the stairwell or the actual door into the office?

It's the door from the stairwell to the office proper where everybody works. Do we have just one of our security cards allow us to turn this off this alarm? Well, there is a little pad, but you're not sure which card perhaps would work. Try the...

Can I use my arrows? Uh, you can. Okay. I'm gonna shoot two arrows. At what? Where are you gonna shoot them? Just shoot me. Actually, I think he's in the elevator, actually.

Oh, okay. So, here right now. Use the security man's badge. I believe I had a. So here right now. Use the security bins, a badge. I believe I had a badge and a security card. That is correct. That's correct. I'm going to use the security card. It opens the door.

Excellent. It opens the door. Where I am. When you walk into the office proper, you notice dim light coming through the windows. It is taking you so long to walk up the stairs. It is now dawn. Yeah. Hello, dawn. What did you say to walk up the stairs it is now dawn yeah hello don what did you say don you said it's now don so there's like

is there a new secretary there named on well I believe you mean son is rising okay well don is there is it oh don is that what he could he always gets their first so done on the IT team, don't boy the mid don the man don don blonde Don don don Dominic on the IT team. That's don is it done of don of man or Don of woman it well there's Donna who no one really calls Don who is a woman but then there is Don who does office services who sets up the coffee and whatnot in the morning But then there's also Don Which is the sun coming through the windows and Dom on the ITT. He's probably not gonna be there till nine

Probably is Aaron gone at this point. Oh, she's been gone for a very long time. Great So Dom is there is Dell or Louise there? I don't know. Did I feel like they're always a threesome, like Dom and Dell and Louise. Right now it's just Don. Okay, just Don. Don, Don in the window. Okay, Don.

What are we trying to do again? Talk to a horse. Aaron, trying to find Aaron to find out what she knew. Don, hey, it's John. Yeah, I heard about what happened, man. That's right. Yeah, I heard about what happened, man. That's what I'm up. Yeah, I'm gonna blow. I'm only here to get some stuff and stuff.

You get the cobra? Yeah, I got the cobra. That's cool. Yeah, it's in a cage. Cool. Would you? Hey, yeah. You gotta stun the mouse before you throw it in there.

Oh, that's good to know. Okay, thank you. Did you hear anything? Have you talked to Aaron Redhead and Lady Aaron? Oh, oh, the girl who has a friend who works for the department of labor? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I didn't talk to her about that. Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah. Do you have her phone number by any chance? Oh, I shouldn't give those things out. But, I'm going to roll for your persuasion there. Oh, oh, oh. And this is without your hat. Oh, 14. I do actually, let me get that for you.

Okay, great, that'd be great. Now this is a home number, so you didn't get it from me. Well, yeah, I was just gonna text her in C.A. if she would be willing to talk to me about this. Sure, sure. Here, let me write it down on the back of this piece of paper here. Thank you. Press on the back of this piece of paper here. Thank you. Press on the back of the piece of paper.

Okay. You said, where how long did John Sebastian have that hat? John Bastion's had that hat since I was in the great holes of Trockus. It was one of the first items I found on one of my first adventures. Now it's ruined, destroyed, and my name is not John Sebastian. I know, it's used to or... On the back of the piece of paper you noticed an upcoming holiday party.

It's gonna be in a week. There'll be a holiday party in a week. What holiday? Just a holiday party. Oh, generic holiday party. Do you not have holidays on earth? We do. We have specific holidays. But also we celebrate generic holidays. Yeah, not have holidays on earth? We do. We have specific holidays, but also we celebrate generic holidays.

Yeah, we have holiday. Yeah, should I roll to crash the party or is it too early to that? Well, it's too early for that. Yeah. John, I want to tell you something. I'm speaking his scale. I feel really bad about your hat. I feel really bad out of tell you when I found out there was an opening in the marketing department I covered at that position. What? I did. I had plans to submit a resume today. Will you be great at that job?

Thank you. I really go to that job. But I'm realizing that I belong on the IT team. And you came up 58 flights of stairs just because I said I wanted to get some points on my amulet of Fitbit. Yeah. So I'm gonna give you a piece of information that I discovered off of Aaron, the brown head's phone. Would you find out?

Ross feels guilt that she doesn't spend enough time with her family. Oh. How can I use that? Note to self, don't kill Roz. She has a family. Should we plant that gun in Roz's office and then tell Charles? You mean the pistol from the flower? Yeah. Or even better, let's plant the bow and arrow.

So she's framed for the murder of the security downstairs. Security guard, yes. I mean, we could use that information we found, but I'm saying we could also plant a weapon in Ross's office, tell Charles to take a gander, and then warrant control. So what should we do? Should we try to reunite her with her family and absolve her of the guilt?

Or frame her for murder? We should try to resolve the issue with her family, right? Dint, can you roll a two-sided die? Mm-hmm. Two. What did we decide to? Pfft. Pfft.

We decided to reunite her with her family. I would like to send a text-based message to Aaron via my blackened berry. Okay. Asking her about her, the friend of hers? Yes, I would ask her about the friend of the Department of Labor. Great, great. Go ahead and roll a persuasion die there. Again, as a marketing manager, well as a former marketing manager,

you will get a bit of a deduction because you're currently out of work. 16. But that deduction will be too bad. She writes back, hey, I just woke up. Can this wait? I send a message back. Just curious, let me know when it's a good time for you.

Maybe we can grab coffee, question mark. Oh boy, let me roll to see how she reads into that. Oh no. Okay, she takes that as mild a new window and writes back, oh, John, I didn't know. Maybe because you got fired, you finally realized... She's interested. Oh, oh, she's interested. Oh, this is unexpected. Wait, isn't there something in the employee handbook about inter-office relationships?

I don't work there. What, you're trying to get a job back in the home? What do you want? Do you want the job? Or do you want the life? I do love redheads. Oh, errands are redheads. Aaron's a redhead? Yes. Wait, what's Aaron or wait? Yes.

I thought we should air on the side of getting his job back, right? When in doubt, you air on the side of the work. I send you to air on the side of work is human. I send another message back that says, I'm actually trying to get my job back. I find you very attractive, but I'm afraid that if I get a job, we cannot date.

Sure, go ahead and roll. Roll your dye there further. Four. OK, roll a dye for Aaron here. Oh, oh, OK. So did did you still, can I just like email you or did you, what do you want to do? I want to know about the Department of Labor. Yeah, I got a friend who works there. Is that all the only reason why you texted me at 6 o'clock in the morning. Yep. Well, sure.

Wait, add an emoji. What? Add a little symbol. Is there like a symbol? Have you been reading the employee handbook? Give me the employee handbook. Let me know if that is. There's an emoji section.

There are little magical charms that can communicate. I would like to send maybe send her an eggplant with a piece of sweat next to it to say no sweat Oh, that sounds good to me. Yes, an eggplant with a piece of sweat next to it. Go ahead and roll roll your dye there all right So 12 12 okay, that's one clear things up. Oh, oh, okay for a second there when I got your last message I thought maybe you but you could kind of so maybe we'll send Send a banana with a sweat, just to say like, no munking around, like we're done. No, instead I think I'm going to send this picture

of a helye copter and a picture of a piece of cake and a picture of piece of pizza and a smiley face. Wow, that was, yeah, cheese. It's totally on board now. Now she's totally on board. Well, let's grab a little time. I don't know board now. Oh, cool. Now she's totally on board. Well, let's grab lunch. I don't know if you're available.

I can duck out of the office, and it's great. And by the way, I'm glad you reached out to me. Oh, wonderful. I think you're a cool guy. Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Yes, so I suppose we'll have to have lunch at our next campaign. Indeed.

That was fun. That was a good time. Oh, yeah. Good time. I wonder what happened to that horse. Oh right. What happened to the horse? He was willing to talk to you. I mean it wasn't going to get any better than hey. I was like perfect. You know what I mean? Great conversations. Like let's get out of this one. Right. And was that horse that you have brown hair right here? I think it was. I thought it was brown but it could have been a horse of a different color.

It was a palamino There's a guy in the IT team who loves horses. You know the Dom blonde Cromy who did a wonderful job crying again. Yeah, well, thank you. It you're all just got unleashed I think from all those years of playing as a small finger. Yes You know what the best thing about playing offices and bosses with you, Cromb, is that this is one of the few times that you haven't just flipped out and killed a bunch of people on the tavern. That's true. Hey. Wow, I've spent quite a bit of time here without flipping out.

Yeah. It's very centering for you playing this game, I think. Yeah. You also haven't talked centrally about bears for quite some time. Yeah. You're trying to give me to talk about it now? No, no, I'm sorry. I'm just noting things like Arnold was noting that it seems to have changed you.

Well, I'm trying to get over my bear thing. I wasn't trying to make it. Whoa, whoa, put the, he's like, so I'm the bear guy? He's holding up. He's holding up. He's talking to a tavern and everyone knows that I'm the bear man.

I enter arm up in the air like that. So I don't have to do that. Would a guy who sleeps with bears do this? No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that. Would a guy who sleeps with bears do this? No! Yes! Yes! Probably! Would a guy who sleeps with bears do this?

He's fucking a bear! Stop! Stop! Oh, is this how you wake up here? Yes, it is! You would never look at me! This is so me, the bearfucker! Oh, God, this is same as all. Is he gonna be back next?

I don't think so. I don't even know. That bear is really taking control. And so, together we strive to answer the question, cheeky departure, or midi-chlorian style over explanation of something that should have remained mysterious. Either way, none of that really happened. Shot the King of the Badgers, aka Dan Smith was played by Adolf Reffy. Usador the Lighter Blue, aka John Bastion, was played by Matt Young. Methamore the office manager was played by Bill Arnett, aka Comedy's absent-minded grandfather.

Check out improvstudio.com to find out about taking improv classes from Bill, or about his book The Complete Improviser. Crom the Fingarian, aka Gail David Sinterest, was played by Mark Logston. Mark performs in the fishbowl at the annoyance in Chicago. Mr. Bart of Mr. Bart's fun card, as well as Mr. Bart's assorted children, were played by Rich Summer. Rich hosts the board game podcast Cardboard, where he shares his almost unhealthy love for board games.

He's also the voice of Henry in the video game Firewatch. Oh, and if you're one of those people who own a television, he played Harry Crane in some little indie-darling web series called Mad Men. Offices and bosses is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Ryan DeGeorgian, Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz, production assistance by Garrett Schultz, logo by Aller-Dleban, and theme music by Andy Poland. And the next word in our secret phrase, this. Take care and may your power crystals always be aligned with the nearest cosmic disturbance.

Ta-da! you