Hello From The Magic Tavern - Offices and Bosses S1E4: Caball'on from I.Tree

Episode Date: June 10, 2019

A talking tree joins the campaign as our team enters the deadly Company Retreat.CreditsArnie, aka Orlando Bloom: Arnie NiekampChunt, aka Dan Smith: Adal RifaiUsidore, aka John Bastion: Matt YoungMetamore: Bill ArnettCaball'on Valentin, aka Gail Davidson-Durst: John SabineSlorp Dorfman: Liam O’BrienMysterious Man: Tim SniffenHigh Time Queen: Brooke BreitProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Greetings again, Earthlings! This is the High-time queen from SpaceBunkerTempServices. I've been notified that there has been an announcement that July 22nd is the premier date for the new season of Hello from the Magic Tavern. Thanks a lot to everyone in the Infinite Universe for not telling me until a week later. Cool stuff, not embarrassing at all. I'm just about to push play on another episode of offices and bosses, which was previously only available on Stitcher Premium.

If you're thinking, I'm so glad I finally got to hear this amazing premium content. Well, good news Jerkos. Very soon there is going to be a lot more bonus content from the hello from the Magic Tavern gang on Stitcher Premium. Would it kill them to give me an exact date on that bonus content? Maybe I have plans, maybe I don't want to look like a dumb dumb. Speaking of plans, you should make some to go see the live Hello from the Magic Tavern shows in Indianapolis taking place during GenCon. There are two shows at the Shrott Center, both on August 2nd, one at 8pm and

one at 10pm. Go to Hello from the Magic Tavern.com and select live shows. I love it when a plan comes together. Speaking of plans, let's fire up that offices and bosses episode, and then I'm going to get onto the internet and waste a couple of hours looking at pictures of humans pretending to be cats who think that they're human. Have you seen keyboard guy? Ugh, still makes me laugh. That is content.

Here not. Marketing manager. IT professional. Sales rep. And temp. I am office manager, your guide in the realm of offices and bosses. Hey, welcome to offices and bosses. I'm not really the host of offices and bosses. It's hard for me to let go of that host mantle from Hello from the Magic Tavern. But I'm, if you don't know, Hello from the magic tavern But I'm if you don't know hello from the magic tavern. I'm a I'm from earth

But I'm here in the magical land of food and we're playing a game with my country Be that succinct when you always introduce what do you mean? You said I'm from earth I'm here in food. Why don't you do that? We're on hello from the magic tavern Well hello from the magic tavern people really want to hear me say hello from the magic tavern Do do do do I'm your host, Arnie Neacamp. About a year and a half ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into a magical land of fun.

Luckily I'm still giving a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional portal, and I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern in the familiar inventory in the town of Hogsface in the land of fun. You should do what you store, Nideo. We have a podcast called Get Nuts.

What's up? And what we do is I just go, this is you should already go, this is Chant, then we go, Get Nuts called Get Nuts. What's up? And what we do is I just go, this is, this is, you should already go, this is, this is, then we go, Get Nuts. Get Nuts. Wait, what? We have another podcast. Wait, do you think you own podcast?

Have you been using my equipment? Yes. Have you not listened to Get Nuts? I have not. Go around and collect all of our favorite nuts. Is this like last time you guys thought you had a podcast and you didn't realize you actually, you don't know how the process really works.

You're just talking into my microphone. aren't you talking into the what? Get nuts get nuts. All right very quickly. Let me hear an episode of getting nuts This is you said or this is Chuck and we're getting nuts so chantlin You interrupted our fucking episode Jesus. You didn't even let it start. It's just confusing Here's the thing about podcast guys if you're introducing You don't bother me. Don't pause In doing your pots blaming. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. Let's have let's have this is use a door This is chunt and we're getting nuts. What'd you find today almonds? Ooh, what do you find today sunflower seeds?

Those are nuts seeds Good app, and that's it. I Love it seeds. Good app. And that's it. I love it. Just two constructive suggestions. One, no thanks. One recorded. You don't just speak into these things that are microphones. You actually have to record it on the slap top, which now it is being recorded, but it sounds like you haven't been doing that step. Oh, I'm sorry. Are you a wizard? I'm not a wizard. Okay. I'm a human. We'll trust that we know what we're doing. We have a wizard in a shapeshifter and but tweaks to two of us. No one can figure out how to broadcast the podcast the only other piece of constructive criticism I'd have is when you're introducing each other

Don't just point to the other person and say then how will they know? This is So Chuck when you point at you sit or and say this is you said or people think that you're used to but that's that's how they know The point if we stop pointing then they won't know. No, but they can't see the pointing. They're just hearing. Ugh, I don't think that's right. Yeah, let's do it one more time. This is Yucidor.

This is Chant. See, that's how you know. No, I see, I see the pointing. And we have a special guest today, Arnie. And we're getting nuts. Get nuts. This isn't getting nuts, but I'm very excited for hundreds of episodes of getting nuts. We're here to play offices and bosses all week. We've been playing offices and bosses.

Metamores here. He's been great. You've been our office manager. Manager. So we were playing this sort of a fantastical game set in the mundane world of offices and bosses. Mandate. Well, mundane to me, like I'm from that world. world in my world we play a role-playing game that is a lot like food Where we pretend to be what's called you sitting at tavern all day? Yeah, I mean it's a little more active on what I do, but it's called Dungeons and Dragons It's a nice ring to it. Yeah, why wouldn't you put the dragon first like you're bearing the lead dragons and dungeons, right? Because dragons maybe are in the dungeon. Maybe she called dungeons then dragons

Dungeons then dragons Ganggags, I mean I guess Dungeons containing dragons more appropriately caves then dragons what you went to a dungeon and I well as no dragon in here I feel yeah really rip off. Yes. Yes. It should be dungeons containing of multitude of possible monsters Yeah, should be the title of it. Yeah. What if there's no dragon in that one? Then I'd be like, this game's stupid.

Well, I wouldn't have played dragons. I just, we just played Dungeons. There's nowhere in no dragons. Speaking of dragons, Metamorphon last time we learned that, you know, it's not definitive, but you might be Dragonborn. Yeah. Did you mean dreams last night? Any more weird dreams?

Well, um, uh, I had a dream, and I've had this dream before, so I can't, I don't really too much into it, but I was sleeping on a giant pile of golden, maybe leaves. I think they were leaves. There were little golden round things, probably leaves. Sure. Makes sense. Yeah. Who would make gold leaves? Trees. No. Speaking of which? Oh yeah, of course. So we're playing this game every day,

but for some reason, whatever reason we just can't keep a fourth member of our campaign. First, Flower played Gale Davidson Durs, then it was a Crown the Fingarian played Gale, and then it was a singing sword. None of them want to come back and play with us anymore. But guys, I brought Flower wants to come back, play with us anymore. But guys, I brought... Flower wants to come back, but she's mad at you.

What flower's mad at me? Yes. What is she mad at me about? Is that a surprise? I didn't ask. She's just mad. Yeah. She's just a mad flower. I didn't mean to interrupt.

No, that's fine. Speaking of plants, we've got another plant in the house. It's a house plant. Jess, I'm in a house that I'm a plant. Welcome to me. Yeah, it's a capital. Am I saying that's right? Caberone. Caberone. Valentin. Caberone. Yes. Welcome back. Oh, welcome back to me. And welcome back to you. Everyone be welcome. The talking tree. Yes. Hello. Thank you for letting me

play this game. Yeah. Bosses and offices. So, come't have you have ever played offices and bosses before no no I have been never but I'm excited. Hey guys. Did you notice that when he says yes? He says yes, and then when he says no that Jay still carries over and he says you know I find that adorable. No, I never noticed that. No, I think it's sexy. I wish he said the Jay whenever he said hello Jello from the magic tavern. There's always room for that. I thought it was sexy. I wish he said the J, whatever he said, hello. Jello from the Magic Tavern? There's always room for that. I thought it was, did you know? Oh, Jello.

Yeah, a shortening of, did you know? Yes, I like to shorten the words and long words. I like all words. The more, you know. So, I guess maybe we should catch Cabalone up a little bit on who were each playing in the game of offices and bosses. I'm playing Dan Smith, of course. Uh, Dan Smith, the temporary or temp for short.

Ah, okay, temperature, okay, Jess. And I, of course, am Yusodora, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos, Trempion of the Great, Hose of Trogus! The Elves of his Fiend, Yelok. The Dwarves know me as Zonen in Hook Stinges, and I am known in the North East as Gassimwiniest Maystar, and today I shall be playing John Bastion. John Bastion. Yes, this is my character in the game.

Ah, I like this John Bastion here. Yes, I put on a fun character voice. Oh, okay. And so Capurrone, you're playing Gail Davidson Durst. Gail. Yeah, Gail. It's a win, or a bird? Gail? Oh, no, it's a human female. Oh, name of a woman. Oh, I get to play a woman. You gotta be a human woman. I've always wanted that dream some time play a woman Part of what is so fantastic about this world is it's primarily composed of humans. Oh, I've always dreamed of humans I once had a dream where I was lying down and I was on a bunch of piles of things that I assumed they were humans That makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Sure. That makes sense. Or interesting.

I mean, maybe that nightmare, if there were just other logs, you know. Yes, nighttime is when I sleep. Sure, okay. Okay. Well, Gayle Davidson, you know, is an IT professional. That means she's into magical devices and objects and good with computers. Okay. I thought you said I tree and I got so excited because I know that very much.

No IT stands for information. Should we let them play I tree? Let's let them play an I tree person. Minimum or you look like, is it all right to kind of like just change some of the rules of the game as we go? You know, we've made a lot of exceptions. Orlando Bloom? Oh, that's right.

I am a character. Yeah, I am playing Orlando Bloom, an elf from a magical world who fell through a dimensional portal behind a blacksmith choppy into the mundane world of offices and bosses. I'm trying to find my way home. Orlando Bloom.

Yeah, that's what the magical name is. Crazy first name and a crazy last name. Yeah, Lord of the Warring. Sure, you can be an I tree I'm not even too familiar with I tree. Oh, I do know me. Yeah, I do Then you know an I tree. I think he just means that he's a tree I was reading more than I should yes Minimum where you've run a lot of games of offices and bosses. Yeah, this this campaign that we've been on how's it?

How's it rank amongst the ones you've done? I'd be lying if I was saying this was not the single best example of a terribly run amazing campaign despite several looking amazing coincidence. despite several looking amazing coincidence. Oh, I think on a scale of scale. One to three, it is at least a two. Oh, at a small scale. Right, what an emotional dream part of that kind. No, one to three, how can you know?

Well, I'm just saying, and endpoints not inclusive. So we can do better is what you say Well, there's always room to do better room to improve that is always and that's a good mantra from offices and bosses You can always do a little bit better. Sure. Yeah, we always say you can always grow up Sure, yeah, she's would say that another great mantra is Follow us never leave die. Yes. I love leaves you guys are actually doing great I'm not gonna lie. I've really enjoyed it. You guys are brought of fun, different energy. When you're playing with the knuckleheads I always play with, you get used to what they do.

The regular crew. The regular crew. Yeah. What are some of the things you hate about the regular crew? Yes, Dan, what do you hate? That's like, when you hang out with a couple of different groups, it's fun to talk shit about the other group when you're out with... I mean, I mean, I mean You know, Bromley

Yes, I do I know probably Bromley smells terrible. Yes, Bromley smells awful. Yeah, and and he always insists this character is like well, I just got out of the shower And I said, what is your character so knowledgeable of your bio when you aren't knowledgeable of your bio Hmm interesting, and we try to tell about you have you smell bad. No, I don't character so knowledgeable of your BO when you aren't knowledgeable of your BO. Interesting. And we try to tell him about it, you smell bad. No, I don't. But hopefully your character's always getting out of the shower.

It's like milk fucked an egg. Yeah, it didn't come out right. That's right. It wasn't like a beautiful baby either. No, no, it was not. What about Wilfred? Wilfred? Yeah, he's... Well, A, the walrus mustache is not becoming...

And he's a walrus. Well, yeah, but I mean, it's just... He gets krill caught up in it, and that also... Not a B.O. I'm not gonna lie. Smelling group and jumping. Yeah, so Wilfred could do a bit better. Zuma boom is...

You know what? I like Zuma boom too. I like Zuma boom too. I like Zuma boom too. I actually know Zuma boom. You do, really? Yeah really is a little bit very nice. Well, it's fun But just gets exhausting doesn't it does she come out to the forest and talk to you there? Yeah, she does not come talk to me, but she comes out to the forest to look at the waterfalls Mm-hmm, I think she has what we would call in the world of officers and bosses

a manic personality disorder She's just always on, always doing stuff, everything's fun and a big laugh and just, we're all exhausted after a long day. I just think she's great, that has kind of like her. She's the only pixie I think I've met in fun. Oh, you don't, you don't have to met any other pixies? I don't think so.

Oh, she's a dream. Yeah, I think she's a dream. Maybe she's manic, but I think she's a pixie dream. After an hour or so so time just dissolves Yeah deep in the forest you when she by herself she cries And the tears hit the waterfall and is like the waterfall starts from our eyes I feel bad about making fun now. No, you were just telling facts Let's play the game not making fun now. No, you were just telling facts.

Let's play the game. Yeah, let's get into the game. Oh, just. Well, in last week, just defeated the Broguys at the restaurant, and you recognize one of those Broguys works for the company you worked at. If I was to roll a die here, see who, actually, Dan, Dan and Tim, you probably have the best recognition since you work.

That's a 14. 14, yes, you recognize, I was like, oh, that's Philip. Hey, they're gonna be a man down and accounts receivable, you know, B, he works for our company. And you notice on his person is an invitation to the corporate training retreat. Oh, and I'm sorry, Philip is dead.

Yes, he's one of the people you can. I immediately take his eyes. Okay, put him in my eye bag. Sure. So there's an invitation to a corporate retreat. Yes. I snagged that. Sure. Very slightly pick it up.

Sure. Pass that to Orlando. Mm-hmm. Was there anything else on him? I'm sorry. It was almost a roll. Did I take a roll? Yeah. It's 15. Uh, it was supposed to roll. I'll take a roll. Yeah.

It's 15. Oh, very good. Well, again, as a marketing expert, you recognize this corporate retreat to be run by a former employee of your business whom you also know to have dated Ros Walters. Oh, all right. Oh, so Caberoaret, you should know.

Yes. Roz fired me on the first day of our camp. No! Roz, I'll let you on fire. No, no, fired me for my job. No. Yes, almost as bad. Yeah.

Roz is a ghoul. I tell you, I'm going to see if I can go to the corporate retreat with Orlando. Yeah, I'm gonna go to the corporate retreat. I wonder if they have any magical portals that the corporate retreat. Well, there is, the best way to get there, if you really need a magical portal, is to rent a car from the Budgett. Oh, I see. Budgett and rent a car. Yeah. Okay, let's go to the Budgett. Yes, yes, we're going to rent an amazing mystical vehicle in this mysterious world. Arnold has a device like this, but it's kind of rundown. It's a... it's a... it's a auto-mobile.

Oh, no! Yes, it's a great, metal monstrosity with wheels on the bottom that carry you around as if a carriage had that had no horse. Oh, did the horse get lost? Did the horse get lost? Yeah, horses kind of got lost a long time ago on my world. And they actually moved under the hood. Oh, their power still remains.

They have power remains. They could be 50, 75, 100 horses. Oh, tiny horses, I love tiny horses. Yes, so do I. Yeah, they're all running on, 100 tiny horses running on a treadmill. This particular car you get is a mini van with captain's chairs

and it does have a lift gate at the back so you can get the tree in there. Well, I get your answer, you're a gale, you're gonna get on our tree, you're a gale. Damn gale, that's right. That's a quick gale to say, I will be a captain. But let's take a quick break. And we'll get back to office and bosses after this message from, uh, one of our sponsors.

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And drive out to the corporate retreat? Oh, I would like to roll for shotgun? Sure, please. Which means that I want to sit in the front. Why don't you just say that? Okay, I want to roll for sitting in the front, but not moving the vehicle. Do I question before you are sitting in the front a privilege

or do you visit a punishment to sit in the front? No, it's a privilege. Oh, why is this? What? You, sir. I'm going through the machine manual right now and isn't there a thing called a shotgun? Can I roll to get a shotgun? I just have a shotgun at the corporate retreat.

There may be one under the seat. Many times you'll find the gun under seats of cars. I know. Let's not bring a shotgun to the corporate retreat. That just seems like a recipe. You brought it up No, yeah, I would you also killed an entire bar full of people You know, you know what you're right. I have actually killed most of the people I've encountered and gale Gale does have a pistol to I got a pistol that's right But the rest of your convinced it's a flower part. That's right. Oh, yeah, sorry. I do not respect flowers That's right. You got a. I do not respect flowers.

That's right, you got a problem with flowers. I do have a very problem. They are small and they get all the credit. No one ever puts a tree on a girlfriend. Note to self. I mean, note to Arnold. It's Arnie. Have flower and cap her own on some dark together. See the sparks fly. I know. That's good tape.

Didn't flowers say that she's dated trees a couple times? Who knows? She said it was a little too much to handle, you know what I mean? Okay, and we arrived at the corporate retreat. When you arrive at the main gate, though, I'm not sure who's driving. I'll drive. Sure, when you arrive at the main gate,

the guy on the roll down the window, and he says, oh, can I help you? I don't recognize you. Hello there, my name is Philip. You have any ID on you? I have this invitation. Oh. Well, I handed him the invitation I put on my tag

of many names and make it say Philip. Perfect. Well, this checks out. Clearly, you have a badge that says Philip in this invitation. Why else would I buy a badge that Philip if up in this invitation. Why else would I I wouldn't buy a bad guy said fill up My name wasn't full exactly. This everything check here. You're oh here. You're on my list These the three other companions who were supposed to arrive with you. That's right. Oh, that was lucky

Yes, my name is gare. I'm in the back as a punishment Highly highly in Ford and show my panera loyalty card. I am a loyal customer panera bread Head on in, everybody. You're welcome here at the corporate retreat. Why don't you join us? Oh, I'm just a security guard. What do you mean? Not tonight, my dear man.

I know we all wear many hats in our life. Why not put on the hat for tonight? All right, well, if you want to roll a guy there for me. I want to roll to grab this guy, put him in the car, drop off the other three, and tick this guy on like a shopping spree Like maybe have him trying a bunch of different outfits Like just see what I can do for him. Why are you doing that? Oh?

It just seems like the right thing to do. Yeah, that's less. It's a magical world. Why not, you know I find fine Fine. I'll roll for that That's a one what okay. No, please. I can't lose my job. I lose my job. That makes sense. Yeah, worth a try, is worth a try. Really, really? Yeah, I just, you know, I was born with a clipboard in my hand, you know, and that's just who I am and what I'll always be. That must have been hard for your mother to push out of her vagina.

I never asked her about it. I'm sorry that role wasn't higher, could have had something nice happen in that security guard's life, it just sort of set him. Why don't you roll for it? Okay, I'm gonna stab him with my sword. Okay, go and roll. 12. Okay, you wound him.

Oh, what do you come on? I told you to get out of here. Okay. It's nicely let us keep going. I know. He was, thank you for being so cool about that. Well, that's just your job. He's a security guard.

Yeah. He's a lot of the gate and getting stabbed once or twice. Sure. Incidentally, he's just his job. He's his security guard and you know, he sees a lot of the gate and getting stabbed once or twice Incidentally, he's not I'm sure it is a job that he's doing in between chapters in his life. Yeah So I'm gonna go ahead and roll to get out of the the automobile and tie up the horses to a poster whatever Whatever you tie up the automobile the hundreds of horses the hitching post there. Hitching post? Sure. Sure. It's a 17. That's pretty great.

Everything I hitched and feedbacked and down, ready to be left there. You are approached by an old man. No. Hello, my name is Gary. It's nice to meet you. Hi, I'm John Bastionion and I'm a marketing manager. Ah, yes, well.

I'd like to invest in your bag. Thank you, I'd like to shake his hand. Oh sure, okay. Do I need to roll for that? Yeah, okay. I know if that's not a medical one. Well, you never know. I have an 11.

Okay, it's not a dead fish, okay. But it's also not a firm grasp. So that will affect roles later in the Indian game. Yeah, absolutely. No, my name is Gail, and I work in I-Tree. Oh, hello, Gail. I would like to tell him a secret. Sure, please.

I run a corporate training retreat. I'm all about secrets. Okay, roll. 24. How do you do that? Oh, that's a juicy secret, I roll. 24. How do you do that? Oh, that's a juicy secret. Thank you. Just, that not tell you yet.

Oh, okay. Oh man, I'm your ex-wife. Wow. That's a big secret. Yeah, I used to be married to a woman in Razz, and I have lots of juicy information that could be used. Oh wow, you're really really really 24? Yes, I wrote 24.

Well this, I guess this is what's happening. Wow. How long are we married for? Three months. Wow, that's amazing. Gail, well, we're just about to start the ropes course, but I'm not sure if I can, wow, that's amazing. Here's my hotel key. Wait, Gail, before you do that, ask him

about when he was married to Ross. Yes, ex-husband, when were you married to Ross? Well, look, I tell you what, we've got a busy ropes course ahead of us. How about after every completed task, I tell you another secret about Rosas past that could be used to defeat her. Gale agrees to these terms.

John Bastion also agrees these terms. Wonderful. The Ensemethe agrees. Orlando Bloom agrees. And also, I've got to say, out of character, that I appreciate, you know, when you play role playing games, it's like you go into the game and you do the things that you've just always wanted to do

and felt like you couldn't do. I love Cabo D'Orurone that you come in here and you're like, all right, what I wanna be is I wanna be a human and I wanna seduce a man. Who I used to be married to. I guess I always see people when they carve their initials into my body and I say, oh, there'll be a woman in love

seems like the most magical thing on earth. Yeah. Let us begin the course of obstacles. Yes, robs, different robs. The first course you come to is a large spider web of ropes. And you have to make it from one side to the other side without touching any of the ropes through the web, without touching any of the ropes.

Can I cut them with my sword? You can try. All right. You're all. Nine. inexplicably, the sword just kind of bounces off the road. Oh, no. Maybe they're not quite taught enough. Oh, great. So they're just just going to go walk and retrieve my sword. So I guess what's difficult here is that, unless you guys have a special plan to get it by through the ropes, we're going to be leaning on your strength and dexterity scores, which are probably terrible. Oh, yeah, across the board. Yeah. Oh, yes, Gail not very dexterity. Gail, do you still have that?

What was that drink you have? I have Aubrey miss or maybe drink your Arbormiss and the Oppo Hall inside will loosen you up a little bit. So you can go over. It's a strawberry Merlot. Yeah, that should be written on your There it is right there. That might loosen you up so you can go through the course without touching the rules. Yes, I will drink it. Oh my gosh, I feel young and pretty. Oh, it's like I'm flying. Way to go, girl. You will have to roll a die too. I roll a die. I really enjoy that.

That was a good, good. I roll. I feel like Caberone has some sort of special connect into the wooden dice where he just keeps rolling. I know. The number is that, which is great for us. Conceivably impossible, you know. Actually, I love staying on hell.

I know, but look at this diet. What is it made out of? It's made out of wood. Yes, and what am I made out of? Wood? Isn't that crazy that we're the same thing but different? Well, there's 20 faces on that diet, but we all have 20 faces inside of it.

You've managed to roll with 35. Yes. Wow, your drunken revelry works, and you kind of limbo your way back and forth through the spiderwebs. Oh, let's go, friends. It's like a miss near the arbor. Which is a tree. I kneel at the beginning of the rope's course, to speak a simple prayer of the marketing manager. I now pledge my loyalty to the Penaer bread, and to making people believe what I want them

to believe, please guide me as I enter this rope course. Do I need to roll for like a bonus? Yeah, yeah. Sixty. Sixty. That was great. That was a wonderful, the repairs were answered by the marketing gods. You'll receive a plus three for the rest of the ropes course.

Oh, wonderful. All your rolls will be a plus three. Great. That's nice. That's well done. Well done. Well, you've successfully navigated this portion of the ropes course. And Gary, well, wow, wow, Gail, I don't remember being married to you, but I sure wish I was.

That was erotic. Can I say that? Yes, said. Were we happy together? What happened? Was it a good thing? Was it nice? We were young, but legal.

I wish I remembered. I really do. I really do. I was happy. I pray that the memories will come back one day. Gail? Wow. What ended the relationship?

He grew cold and distant, like a tree that dies. Oh. Winter came into our relationship and I prayed for spring, but it never came. Wow, this again, I'm... You think you'd remember some of that? Well, he rolled a 24. Hello, church. I don't know what else to do.

I mean, yeah. All right. Well, you should probably know that, you know, Roz, she always wanted to start a family with me. I said, I didn't want to have a family. And I said, you know, I'm all about the business. He's like, we can do both. We can do both. And you did learn from Aaron and in the bar that that Roz does now have a family and does not spend time

with them. Gary's not the father of Roz is children. Oh, I thought you were just gonna say, I was gonna say you don't you dare do that. No, but he didn't but he didn't thank good Yeah, what a blessing. Well, can you roll to make sure Gary and Roz aren't related. Okay That's a 41 41 good roll. Thank you again amazing I guess do we want them to be related? I don't even know. I don't even know I don't know They're not related It was high enough that it can kind of be whatever we want. Yeah, there's a good role

You can roll they tell me what reality is the two of them They there's two people in this world that cannot be less related. Yeah, great. Yeah, well the next event on the ropes course is the human pyramid. Oh boy. And if you can build a human pyramid high enough to retrieve a flag from a tree, then you will have passed this portion of the ropes course. And I know I mentioned this earlier, but we all are human. You are all human, that's right.

Well I'm an elf. So I can only do this for a land of things. Or I know it's enough, that's right. Yes's right yes okay so guys we have to form our human pyramid oh and I figured you can't talk while doing it okay you sound like we talked beforehand or no you you have 30 seconds to strategizing what kind of tree is the flag in um we're all to see if you recognize that I'm not sure of gale she said it She probably wouldn't recognize trees Okay, it's a star star

I think that's good. She does okay. Oh, that's a Southern pine Southern yellow pine. Oh, it's so beautiful tree beautiful sassy tree It's a taproot. Yeah, they don't they'll never call you back And that's our 30 seconds never call you back. And that's our 30 seconds. Oh, that's a little bit. We'll let that. Okay. You can have 30 seconds of planning in character. And then, uh, and you must build this human pyramid. And you can only without talking to each other. It's difficult. Yeah. Well, there's only three of us. So here's why I suggest one on the top. I suggest Arnie be on the bottom. He's a

I'm an elf. I'm not even involved in his experiment. Okay. Okay. It's only three of us. Yeah. Yeah, human pyramid I was just considering there's three of us. I say two in the bottom one on the top guys They only said build a human pyramid. They didn't say it has to be of you We can find other humans to make a pyramid. How many people can we kill? Can I go back to build a pyramid era and grab some of those dead bros? How long of the drive is it? It was a couple hours. I don't think we can do that. Is there anyone we can kill with the retreat?

I'm like, I'm trying to kill that security guard again. Last time you tried to cut something at bounced off ropes. Yeah. I don't know how we would kill enough people to make a pyramid in time. Yeah, how big of a pyramid are we supposed to make? High enough to reach the side, right? So the pyramids took hundreds of years. Our pyramids are just, why don't we all just put our hands

up like this and form pyramid that way? Oh, well, okay. So touch fingers in the middle. And that's three points. And three points. Okay, and magically a beam of light comes out of your fingertips and jars the flag loose from the tree.

Yeah, boring. You wanna get into other shoulders, but if you just fill your arms up, you can do like a... Yeah, I'm here, man. Yeah, I just want to escape, really. Sort of takes you out of the world a bit. But there's still is something, there's a hundred horses inside this.

Yeah, of course, yeah. It's just, if I had my brothers, I'd just prefer to just like make small talk. Okay, yeah, we can do like this. I mean, no, I don't. Lots of people like different kinds of campaigns. And there are some people who just want to keep it Super realistic. There's sticklers for the real how much can one person carry you know

Well the flag comes down grand and Gary well Gail I owe you another secret I guess about oh RISE I should probably tell you she is a lyrgic to chocolate No I should probably tell you she is allergic to chocolate Yeah, I gotta say I'm a big fan of gale and Gary together. I wanted to get back together I do too even though I suspect they were never together Yeah, let's just talk about them as a couple. Let's just always call it. Let's combine their name Now how would you come back would you ever combine Gale and Garrison?

This is called... Gale. What's the next obstacle? The next obstacle is the human pretzel obstacle. Why are there so many human things? Why, yes. Why can't the elf be involved? Well, again, typically there aren't elves around,

so... Oh, yes, yes, yes. And that can actually be a thousand upon us here. It's probably redundant and say human pretzel. It's just the pretzel. All right. Everyone will put their arm into a circle. Yeah, well, sometimes corporations

aren't for thinking enough to really embrace the sort of lesser represented creatures in their culture. So, you show up and you're like, oh, great, this is all human stuff at this retreat. Yeah, yeah. So, we'll put some arm into the circle. And grabs another hand. Okay.

And the other hand grabs another hand. Should I'll be trying to untwist yourselves. Can we just let go? There we go. You can't let go. You can't let go. Okay, well that makes it harder. Yes it does.

Yes it does. So, if you want to start rolling, we can start doing go. You can't let go. Okay, well that makes it harder. Yes it does, yes it does. So if you start rolling, we can start doing some dexterity rolls or. Ah yes. Okay, so I don't know if we have time for this. Well, we have to do it. So I have a dexterity roll here. Ah, it's a five.

It's a five and you have a plus three for your prayer. That's right. That's still only an eight. So you are a bit flimax by this pretzel can't undo it how do I get out of this pretzel is this people not is is really got you not it up okay I'm gonna roll here okay I rolled a three but I'm gonna take my dice and turn it to a 20 so it's a modified 20 you know take when they can't really. Okay, but again this people not has really is it's getting a role. I think that's an interesting twist on the game though. If you could just

make what you want. Well, I figured you know, Kebra was rolling so high. Well, why don't you roll Kebra? I'm sorry. Gail, why don't you roll? Gail? Dan? What's your name? I'm John Bastion. John Sebastian. I I'm John Sebastian. Not Sebastian. Thank you for addressing yourself first. I want us all to roll together. Okay, can we do that? Sure, yeah, yeah. Okay, here we go.

And... And flowers sprouted in the middle of the same bubble. No! That's a bad roll frame. Is that bad? Yes. Again, I'm not even sure how to score some of these things. Also, incredibly, uh, flimics and flustered by this.

People not, it has really, you think you got it and you had someone step over my arm, but then it just made it worse. And then someone is now backwards. You know, it's just, it's a, you know, gale backwards. These people not, they'll get you. Orlando, it's your play here. Oh, well, I mean, I guess I didn't work with the rope course, but I'm gonna try to cut the arms with my sword.

Could be the arms of your fellow. Maybe instead of cutting our arms off, you could just try to direct us in some way, give us some encouragement. Oh, the sword thing seems a lot easier. Some proactive feedback would be nice for me. I mean, the whole point of these corporate training retreats is to open the channels of communication

and be able to give feedback, constructive feedback, or to each other. It's called a bon-deen exercise. Bond-deen. Gail is goal-oriented. Well, guys, I don't think we need this. I mean, look, I mean, not to take a step out of the game for. Well guys, I don't think we need this. I mean, look, I mean, not to take a step out of the game for a second,

but we don't need like team building or anything. Like, the three of us have been doing this bad gas floor, like a year and nine months. Oh, god. We're like a well-oiled team. Like, we can do anything together. We communicate very well. I mean, normally I would agree, but at the top of this episode,

you mentioned how you had several notes for you know, Get Nuts and I feel like that really upset me and really undermined, you know, the bond that I thought we shared. Oh, no, no, I cannot wait to listen to Get Nuts. Oh, I'm sorry, chant. I mean, I didn't mean... This is chant. Yes, I know you're pointing. Yes, yes. This is Yusador. Yeah. Yes, I know you're pointing. Yes, yes. This is you, Sador.

Yeah. And we're getting nuts. Yes. And you know what? I still, you know, I gotta say, I feel like my notes made a lot of sense, but I will say that it was presumptuous of me to give them without you asking for notes. You guys were just enjoying getting nuts and you didn't even mean to try to help improve that. Wait, that's it. Oh my god, the answer was in front of us the whole time. I'm gonna roll to try and grab

John and Gale's nuts and I think that effort and movement will untie us. You better get a high roll for Gale. Wow, that was, that's at an 18. Yep. Okay. Yeah, go for Gale. You managed to locate nuts on gal and and John as well. And by putting your arm by lowering your arms, you're able to unlock this people not people can step over your arms and your eyes of the human eye. Even though you are all untied, some of you are backwards, but you are in one in one circle. And gal feels that the creative problem solving brought her closer to our friends. Yeah. Gary, watching this is confused by Gail's nuts and... Maybe that's why you guys broke up? That was not the reason.

Yeah, why? Why did we, if we were so happy? Why did we break up? Let me roll so you can tell me. It's just an infinity sign. I don't think he has to roll anymore. No, you never, you never have to roll again. He has to roll again. He never has to roll again. It's tough when you put an infinity on dice

because there's also eights. Yeah, well, there's a lot. There's a lot. Yeah, they put a line. Yeah, Gary's is about how that's um, I just want you to know that even though Raz has many mystical magical powers, she, it's allergic to chocolate.

She feels guilty that she can't spend as much time with her family, with her work-life balances is pretty out of whack. And she, she does bleed. She does? She does bleed. She does bleed. She does bleed. Interesting.

Yes. I would have assumed that, but the fact they told us makes me wonder if there's more to it. Did she ever not bleed? Well, there's a legend that certain, managed, certain bosses may not bleed. They may be heartless. They may be of cold blood. They may have cold in their chest. they may be all these things that some of the grander bosses are completely without the key.

So at her heart, she is still human. Yes, so she just have some weaknesses. Bleeding being one of her weaknesses. Excellent. Perhaps you could exploit that. So she's not like an invulnerable boss. Yeah, yeah. Only a-

Stop I'm so full of chocolate, she'll bleed. Yeah, yeah, that's- It's a good plan. It's possible. Or make her feel so guilty about not seeing her kids that she eats chocolate and kills herself. Oh, that might be easy or even. Well, you've got-

That's my chocolate? That's my chocolate. So Gary, you've finished the ropes course. And for each of you, I said, well, I have something to give each of you. Oh, wonderful. It is a participation ribbon. Wow. Yes.

What is this work, Bart, like rain? You participated. You were involved in the leadership retreat. And you are now junior leaders. This will give you a plus two bonus when you order people around. Oh, wonderful. Okay, yes, with a go for Gail.

Oh, that's well done, Gail. Yeah, welcome to me, welcome Gail. And if you want to stick around, we will be having a campfire in Jambrou tonight, if you want wanna stick around. Oh, Gail would like to roll. I think we have to get our car back. I love a Jambrou.

What are you on your roll for? Well, Gail has a guitar in her suitcase. Yeah, that's on her sheet. Yeah, she does have a guitar. Okay, I'm gonna roll to maybe make a campfire. It's 12. 12? Okay. It's coming together slowly.

Maybe it's not a two matcher. Let me just say it's not a two matcher. Maybe four or five matches. And you're asking around for some paper, but it does get started. Can I sell my Panera loyalty card for enough gold to pay for another day of the rental card and stay at the Jambarro? Most likely, yes. My Penero loyalty card for enough gold to pay for another day of the rental card and state the jam baroo.

Most likely yes. Excellent. The loyalty card has stamps on it. And what happens is that if you want to get some value out of it, they remove a stamp and you'll get money for the stamping removed. Man, I have a question for you. So this is a company retreat. Would you say most everyone in the office

is at this retreat? Many people are. You don't recognize everyone, but it's a big company. So you do recognize people here or there. I don't know how to do that. I'm new to playing offices and bosses. If there's like a secret action that I want to do

in the game, how would I do that? Do I? Well, you can either pass me a note or a handwriting is not great. Okay, it's not good. Well, you know If there's something you make the three of us deaf temporarily Scala-flane Oh, wow. Hey, can you hear me? John John

John I guess you can see my love Why do you keep saying shot? Oh, okay, all right, yeah, okay. So I'm gonna put my hands over my mouth, so they can't see what I'm saying. Like a mitten scotch. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Sean, Sean.

I can't read your lips on your hands or over your lips. Okay, is he secretly eating again? Okay. Okay, I don't think they hear me. Look, yesterday, Sean said that what Dan Smith wanted more than anything else was to get a birthday card sign bait everybody in the company. So I was just wondering if I could use this retreat to get him get a birthday card sign for him. I think that's a wonderful idea. And especially now with your participation badge, you can really order people around.

Yeah, I think that'd be good. If you wanna roll a die right now and tell me what you get, we'll see. Okay, sure. A seven? Okay, so people are- I can see you rolling a die. People are open, deciding the card.

Okay, do, but they're not really leaving pleasant. Oh, okay. They're not leaving bad messages, but they're just like, oh, the, the tent, you mean the tent? Yeah. Oh, they literally wrote that? Like, oh, you mean the tent?

Oh, jeesh. Somebody did write that. But they do sign it, but it is not, they're not exceptionally personal. Okay, great. A few referencing a wrong person, and a few that are obviously overly sappy to the point of being a little saccharine.

But it does get signed. Okay, great. Thanks. Sure, sure, sure. And I guess I'll wave at these guys. I'll just point that. Hello. I understand that.

Hello. When you point at me, does that mean I can remove the spell? Are you? No, I think he's introducing an episode of getting that. This is John. This is Yusudor and we're- This is Gail. And we are getting nuts!

This concludes another episode of a spin-off of a show that's a recording from a tavern in a world that doesn't really exist. Take it from me, a non-descript lower baritone that you can trust. Usador the Blue, aka John Bastion, was played by Matt Young. Chant the King of the Badgers, aka Dan Smith, was played by Adolf Refei. Metalmore the Office Manager was played by Bill Arnet. Kabar on the tree, aka Gail David's Enderst, was played by John Arnet. Caboheron, the tree, aka Gail Davidson Durst, was played by John Sabine.

John performs regularly with the Improvise Shakespeare Company and the late 90s at Chicago's I.O. theater. Right now, John's trying to get some kind of internet presence going with Ashre Pearlman. I can't put enough emphasis on trying. Slorp Dorfman was played by Liam O'Brien. Liam plays Vax, the half-elf rogue paladin on critical role. The Geek & Sundry web series where professional voice actors play dungeons and dragons.

Offices and bosses is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Ryan to Georgie and Evan Jacobo. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz, The Music by Anya. Can you imagine? Not like she doesn't have the time. No, The Music by Andy Poland. Logo, of course, by Adler Labian. This week's secret word, worth. And now I bid you farewell with the deep and complete resignation of an entity who absolutely will live to see the implosion of the multiverse, from a near-constant stream of dimensional riffs. Sweet dreams! Gary? Uh, yeah, Gail. You look good.

I think you, um, I didn't. I was going to ask if I could hold your hand, but you're playing the guitar right? I can play with one hand. Wow, that's amazing. That's amazing. Um, you know, I'm going to play with you. guitar. I can play with one hand.

Wow, that's amazing. That's amazing. I still have that C-show you gave me. Okay, that's good. I gave you a C-show. Do you have the gift that I gave you? I can't get out. I am. You are the witching,

but I just cannot remember I know being with you. I know Snickerdoodle, I know, I know. Looking that lock at you, it's lock and I've always worn it. Never really questioned. Yeah. A while. It's you. Just.

And the scale and the puppy. Yes. Was that? Did we also have a dog together? Is that we did? It's you. Just. And the puppy. Just. Just that um. Did we also have a dog together? Is that we did? Uh, I lost her. Wow, um, I left you? What happened?

What uh? We left each other. Wow. We ended talk. We hugged. Wow, we made love one more time. And then you went out the front door. I went out the back and we burned our house to the ground.

This seems romantic, I wish I could hear it! When we met love, was it nice, was it, was it, was it, was it good? It was perfect, okay. And imperfect, and it's perfection. Gary Gil, come on, we're by campfire. We're seeing Jim Baroo. Gary Gil come on whereby campfire we're singing in jamboree My friends I forgive you jamboree

I have one question for you Cal What is it my love? You are first I was your third Oh, oh, okay, what's Is anyone singing I can't tell. Okay, I'm just trying to light it up. I didn't mean that to be like a special. I'm just trying to really try to figure it out.

Literally. Okay, okay. But you are my third too, so six. Let's try to put this, where in my life this happened? Yes, yeah. It was during the spring time. Does that help you? I'm 46, I mean, he's my life this happened. Yes, yeah. It was during the spring time. Does that help you? I'm 46, I was only a lot of springs.

I've been there around. You're very beautiful. You're very beautiful, get on. You're very handsome and strong. You're dynamic. I do dynamic leadership training. I want to participate with you. Yeah, there's something you have to know, Gail.

What do you say to tell me the words? I saw them when I became a... Oh, no. I wonder if this leadership retreat, that, uh, no. The only thing I would love and devote myself towards would be my leadership retreat. I understand. I will just walk into this ropes course. Now, okay, I'll go. Yeah, um, there's so many ropes. I can use. I'm questioning, questioning, questioning.

I don't know if you like living in the big city. Oh, you know, it's, it's, you know, come out to the country, come to the country, come to the country. There's such an energy to the city. I have a love hatehate relationship with it. Okay, okay, um, I'll come with you. Really? For a thousand spring times. Wow. Um, I've gotta go to the dining hall.

Give me stuff for the s'mores. Um, but um, if you'll be here, I will be back quickly. That's the filthiest thing I ever lip-read in my life.