Hello From The Magic Tavern - Offices and Bosses S1E5: The I.T. Team

Episode Date: June 24, 2019

Everything comes to a head at the office Holiday Party.CreditsArnie, aka Orlando Bloom: Arnie NiekampChunt, aka Dan Smith: Adal RifaiUsidore, aka John Bastion: Matt YoungMetamore: Bill ArnettKrom the Fingarian, aka Gail Davidson: Mark LogsdonFlower, aka Gail Durst: Brooke BreitMusa and Koji: Kat Kuhl and James D’AmatoMysterious Man: Tim SniffenHigh Time Queen: Brooke BreitProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance well there, no friends of... Okay, hi, hi, you scared the crap out of me, Earthlings. Yeah, I was just jammed into some 80s hits as the high-time queen from Space Bunker temp services. Well, it's my prerogative to do so so back off. What do we got? What do we got? New season of hello from the Magic Tavern begins on July 22nd. Bam! Lots more Stitcher Premium bonus content from your Magic Tavern friends coming soon after that, we're pal! Live Magic Tavern shows during GenCon and Indianapolis on August 2nd, Zipity PAPAPAPAL!

Go to hellofromthemagictavern.com to get more information. Ugh, I gotta cut back on these caffeine mud baths. That's right, I drink mud. KERP PAL! PAPAPAPAPAL! And now, I present for your listening pleasure, offices and bosses, Season 1 Episode 5, the dramatic climax of the offices and bosses first season. But it's not the end, so check back here on July 8th for a very weird and very special,

high school themed offices and bosses epilogue episode later nerds Here not. Marketing manager. IT professional. Sales rip. And temp. I am office manager. Your guide in the realm of offices and bosses. All right everybody this copier is stuck. What are some who's got who's got some some plans here to get this copier and unstuck here? I'm gonna get my little hands in there and train ungeam it. Your hands aren't as small as they are in the game. That's true. Yeah. They all have a die there. The hands let's see here. That's a seven. So seven. Okay. Your hands are stuck. You should have lifted the number three. A little lever first. I would have thought Gail would have

known to look at the indicator display on the top of the copier. Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and use a bonus action for Dan Smith to just yell, what a fucking day! Sure, you do it, you do it, and and that will inspire everyone to really kind of rally around you and really get this get this thing on So now I have a permanent minus three penalty to toner. I'm gonna search the room for a printer manual Sure, you find you find a manual in a little little plastic box actually attached to the copier who nice Okay, great. I'm gonna flip to the in-ex look for troubleshooting tips. Okay, go ahead and roll a die there You're so good at this game. You find it right away. Oh, oh, I see. Yeah, oh here it is. Oh, here we go Check the status display. I see in the status display here and if I lift lever three

Yeah, the the crumpled piece of paper is removed Shoots out almost immediately when you lift lever three great I'm gonna save the crumpled piece of paper in case it has any luck properties. Sure, go ahead and write that on your care sheet there. Chrom is a natural at this game. Okay, I think I'm recording now. Okay, guys. Just so you know, it's some of the stuff

we have to be getting at probably. I forgot to start the podcast recording, but we're going to be the game. We're going to be the game in full swing. All right, well, that's it. Actually, I should check what was on this crumpled piece of paper. I'm glad you did on the crumpled piece of paper is a announcement For the holiday party. Okay, where the Yankee gift swap. Does it contain any information? We didn't already know

no But the healthful reminder, the healthful reminder and now you're in the building, you know and No. But it's a helpful reminder. It's a helpful reminder. It's a helpful reminder. And now you're in the building. And you know, and as found you yet, here in the copy room, you're successfully broken back into the office building and you're hiding out on the copy. I'm no one has found you yet. And you know, speaking of helpful reminders, like I know we've been playing this game for a good long time, but you know, people might go on around and introduce who they're,

who their characters and offices and bosses are. Sure, why don't you kick us off? Sure, I'm Arnie Neacamp, but I am playing an elf named Orlando Bloom, who fell through dimensional portal behind a blacksmith choppy into the mundane boring land of offices and bosses. I'm looking for a portal to get me back home. I'm chunced, the shapeshifter.

I'll be playing Dan Smith, the Tempor temporary. And I am Yusador the Blue. Wizard of the 12th as gas-wainiest Mastar and what I play officers and bosses I am known as John Bastion. This is Crom the Fingarian I'll be playing Gail Davidson Durst on the IT team. Problems so excited to have you back. I'm excited to be back. I know like you really come alive in this game.

You're so thoughtful and you're so, I mean you just seem so composed and like you have your shit together. I do have a hard time expressing myself in the real world and I feel like I can truly be myself as Gail. Wow, that's huge, that's really huge. Do you forget about bears while you're playing this game? I don't want real bad last time. I do until someone brings it up. Oh, sorry.

Then let's get into it. Let's get it back into the game before I'm so sorry. I have to. I don't know. Do you have another page of your diary? Like his dream journal. His dream death was a dream journal. Can we just...

Of course, I keep it in a pouch in my loincloth. Let's see. To last night. Wait, that's what that is? Yes, that's my dream journal. Oh, okay, okay. See you last night. It's an icy forest.

Snow covers the pine trees. But I hear a scraping. I wander through the forest. Where is that sound coming from? Ah, it's a bear scratching his back on a tree. Oh, that feels good. I go to the tree next to the bear and proceed to scratch my back.

He scratches his back a little harder on the tree and I scratch my back harder. Soon bark is flying everywhere. Pine needles are getting in our hair. We are scratching so furiously that the trees begin to smoke and turn to a hot with the passion of our mutual satisfaction. And then we climax. Without a single touch. So it was. Thank you for that. That was a pro at quoting a journal, you know. Yeah. Then we have a hardcore finger session. I'm so sorry. I thought it was done. I didn't mean to interrupt for finished. Please forgive us. Yeah. Oh boy. That's embarrassing. Okay.

Metamorphosis. What's this happening now in the game? Well, we are like I said you guys have managed to make your way back into the building for the big holiday party. You have held out here in the copy room and no one has found you as of yet and The party should be starting here in a few hours. I'll tell you what's happening. No, I'll tell you what's fucking happening is I Leave for what like a day or two. I'll come a couple days I don't remember I can't keep track of time now that I'm so fucking sad That my friends leave me behind and continue this game without me. Cram! Flower, I thought that I was just helping out the guys here. I could not be more angry right now.

Now I tell you right now, there's a flame shooting out of my asshole. Now first of all, if that's a literal thing, I can probably help. It's metaphorical. Okay, good. So, then never mind my question then. I-is-serrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I had a good salt bath. It's just so hard to get everyone together, you know, when you, the most of us together, we have to play. We keep wanting to play the game, so we've had a series of people playing games and dirt.

A series of people? A few people, well, to be fair, only one of them was a person. Okay. There was a sword and a talking tree. Oh shit, you know I dated a tree tree. Oh, shit. You know I dated a tree. I know, I know. This hurts.

Okay. When you say this hurts. Don't talk about my asshole. Okay fine, fine, cool, cool. I'll just go, I'll just leave. No, flower, no, don't go, don't go. I'll leave, I understand that this was your character. You originated it, I-

No, I'm sure you made it better. A cram has done a wonderful job of playing, but you also did a wonderful job. I mean, I... You can't kick cram out like he's crying. He's getting his loincloth all wet. I'm a journal, no. Don't cry, you dream journal.

I'm jamming my tears. I think that's from tears. Okay, well, okay. I don't know if this is orthodox, but I've had a theory about Gail Davis and Dersh for a while that she's actually twins. Oh, oh. Gail David's sin and Gail Dershd. Oh, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, because she has their both their names are Gail.

Yeah. Now, I tell you, ultimately, it's up to Metamor. He's the office manager. Well, you know, I'm, if there is fire coming out of your body, we should probably let you. I think that's fine. I just think I couldn't be responsible for what I would do if he made me leave. You're not supposed to make a flower angry at all. No, no. Yeah.

Are you can join twins or you? No, I was just twin twins. So you're just twins who have the same first name, but different last name Yep, that's how twins work and they've always been twins since the beginning We've been switching in and out this whole time And so you're the kind of twins is like today you go to work no today you got to work right maybe right But today maybe we both go to work. Yeah, say fuck y'all It's like that movie you acted out for us, the prestige.

That's true. I did a labrally act out that movie, the prestige. I'm more than to think if I recorded that. Someday I'll release that as bonus content. I feel like I'm more the emotional gale. I think that's right. I think that's right. I'm more like the gale she done gale.

Sure. Will you get in call? Gale. Gale Davidson. I'm Gale Durst. Will you get a call? Gail. Gail Davidson. I think I'm Gail Durst. Yeah. I think we all see that.

I think to avoid confusion we should call Crom Gail D and Flower Gail D. Yeah. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. This might be a good time to reveal that Orlando Bloom has been triplets. No. No. I don't think you could pull that off.

We've already died back in. Yes. There is a sharp knock at the door. Oh, I know. I know you're in there. Everyone be quiet and just a little perfectly. I put a lame shit on my head. I know you're in there.

Does anyone else hide or do anything? I use my elf powers of quiet. Sure, OK? Can I recognize the voice? You do not recognize it. Hmm. I Hide behind the cup. Are the cop here? Okay. I go straight to that fucking door and I just like Gail. Gail gets you done. I'm just like come at me. Who is it? Come at me. It's Sam. Oh, cool Sam guys.

Sam, just so you know, Diane and I were married. Diane got murdered, remember? Wait, which Diane? How's that? This is the Diane they got murdered. They have been. Who had five dogs who got murdered. Oh, murdered. Wait, I murdered her. Yeah. And I'm here to seek a office Office duel with the murderer of my my wife and razor of my our five dogs. Oh, well, that's fine

Dole accepted I mean Orlando. I suppose as an elf. I can't say no Okay, the do you do open the door and there is Sam Sam is a six and a half foot tall He's very handsome and rugged. Yes a six and a half foot tall. He's very handsome and rugged. Yes. Something's weird about his hair. You're not quite sure what, but something's weird about his hair. Sure, sure.

And he has a broken bottle and a letter opener in any chant. OK, oh boy. A broken bottle and a letter opener. And each hand can. Two letter openers and two broken bottles. Yes, wow. Yes. OK.

Just to avoid confusion, we'll call it letter opener and bottle L and letter opener and bottle R. Okay. And he's ready to go. And the five dogs are with him. The five dogs? I have to fight five dogs as well. Hey, you killed Diane.

Okay. Alright, well I have my green smock of protection from the panera. That's true. Yes. And I have my sword of loving, which is a sword that I just made up. Mm-hmm. Again, I let that slide. Yeah.

It's the first of a, it's sticky slope. Sticky slope. Wait, a slippery slope. No, we say sticky slope. Sticky slope? Yeah. It's like, oh, I'm so stuck. I get to add this thing.

And as you're trying to get away from the sticky, you're like, oh gosh, I've gone a lot further down. Yeah. I should have tried to unstick myself up. Yeah. I throw my sword at Sam. Great, roll the die there. All right.

It's not how you use a sword. I got a seven. I said, okay, the sword bounces in the wall and this is startles the dogs ever so slightly. Okay, but not a good opening. You no longer have your sword. Okay, that good. Yeah. We're in a, is there other office supplies in this room? Yeah, this is an, there's a copier, a facsimile machine as well as generic office surprise as well. Maybe I'll Can I grab a box of thumbtacks and scatter them on the floor? You certainly can you want to roll to see how you're gathering go natural 20

Oh my god. Oh, every thumbtack in the box of 500 lands point side up Magically not magically coincidentally use it or you love coincidence coincidence. It's such a wonderful Fantastic thing to think about. I think you probably love it because you're like coincidence. That's not real No, of course not magic is real Yeah, can I have if I have a gas station ham sandwich in my purse? I throw it to distract the dogs gas station ham sandwich Is it on the list? I yeah, yeah, it is on edge right under We returned the

And we picked up maybe oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, we start by that the the philly station. Oh, that's good I just thought I always had one on me great The sandwich goes out the dogs course, go for the sandwich. Step on the thumbtacks, and they are beginning yelping, making lots of noise, but they're effectively out of the melee for the time being. Alright, at least three turns. I want to cross my arms and stand back to back with the other gale. I agree.

I do need to roll for that. I think they could just do it. They could just do it. They think it's a gale power. Wow, look at that. And then we're going to wink with the outside eye. Perfect. Wink.

Yeah, I just look like you're closing your eyes. I'm going to take the shotgun I found under the seat of the van. Yeah, that's right. It's a 12 gauge double barrel break open shotgun. And I'm going to point it at Sam. Now Sam, let's end this before he gets ugly. Sam, you don't want to talk about ugly. Here's ugly. Getting a call from Raws to come pick up your dead wife's body parts from her desk. All right, that's ugly. Look, nobody likes Raws. That's not what this is about. Well, that's a...

Can I attack him with an apology? You can certainly try. Okay. You know? All right, I'm going to attack him with, and I'm sorry that I killed your wife. I got really caught up in using my sword and I, okay. 14? 14. It affects him, okay. 14. 14.

14. It affects him, but he is, he is resolute. He is resolute, but it affects him. Right now he's a little bit more worried about the shotgun. Shoo. While Orlando is apologizing, I wanna sneak behind Sam and form my body in the shape of a table, right behind him on all fours.

Okay. Roll there for that there. That's a 17. Cool. You're able to do it. No one notices No one also know the notice of the dogs who have stepped on multiple thumbtacks either They they're yelping seem as not to attract any attention. Yeah, so Gail Gail D and I step forward and we offer like oh so sorry so sad about your dead wife losing pieces Maybe like you want to be a part of a gale sandwich. Yeah Just to bring more sandwich

I'm ready to get off her. I'm ready to get off her rolled the dye there. Let's go. Oh, it's like a it's a 12 12. Okay. He's whoa look Gale sandwich look my wife just died. All right. Let's My secret every man's fantasy to have to be sandwiched by twins with the same first name. Wow, this is, yeah, I mean, technically, I guess some men, some men, you know. You're just saying in food and twins. Some people say that.

I mean, I'm gonna take a couple steps forward to try to get him to strip over Dan Smith. Sure. A lot of him holding the shotgun out of his. Certainly. Go and roll, roll, die there. It's a 15. 15. Okay, he does it. Look, whoa, whoa, he throws his arms up Trip forward Dan Smith sure I'm holding the shotgun. I'm certainly going roll a little die there It's a 15 15 here. He does a look. Whoa. Whoa. He closes arms up to kind of put you off falls over Dan Smith lands on the thumbtacks Pretty good. He yes, we got him. Oh, I was just forming a table in case anybody need to you know sign a paper or anything

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, he tripped right works where he tripped right over you. Yeah, is he breathing? Hmm, is he breathing? No, no, the thumbtacks all killed. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I take his eyes. Well, at least they have held my honor By dueling him with a help of a bunch of other people But you know when you throw us over to someone and then offer an apology for their dead wife You know when you kill someone and it's totally your fault and they have every reason to be upset with you, they come to get some kind of revenge and then you with the team of your friends use every dirty trick to defeat him.

It's like that. Perfect. I really like to replay these scenes in real time and just recognize that Orlando just threw a sword at the wall, then apologized while the rest of us took care of business. We got shit done.

That's how the dice rolled, you know, that's what the dice say. Immigrants, we get the job done. I will say this, the dogs have now gotten the thumbtacks out of their paws and are now circling around you. Oh, and they are bad. They are mad. They're bad to the bone Yeah, are the holding hands with these circles. It just on all four there. They're circling on all fours and they're like You kill our humans

I'd like to search Sam's body Sadly Sam's body is between is on the other side of the dog roll So there's a dog with a little or something. I start quietly crying and singing who let the dogs out. Oh, oh, oh, like that. She's making up. She go ahead and go and roll a die there for you.

You're a very sweet song there. Okay. That's a two. Two. Okay. It does not attract any attention. It does not attract any attention. It was more just for me

it didn't sure understood understood if I get behind gail d and kind of hype it up as she's singing kind of hype man yeah one roll die as well there see if we can 12 okay you you you that hype sounds like exactly I'm just kind of the dog. Yeah. Would you maybe like yell the year? I'd be screaming yeah, the year 28 to 39. We're really good at harmony. I'd just be saying. Yeah, girl. D. Well, uh, uh, I'll go and add your roles together to make a 14 plus any, any

bonuses. Uh, it attracts the attention of Steve. Oh, round for the corner behind you. Uh, you probably know Steve. I remember Steve. runs before behind you. You probably know Steve. I don't know, Steve. He hates his job. Oh, very, very much. He sees you guys surrounded by the dogs. And he's like, what the hell is this?

What's going on? You guys probably hate your job too, right? Yeah, we hate our dogs in the office. Yeah. We hate our jobs, but I want mine back, actually. I got fired. Partially, because you told Roz that we were talking about salaries.

Dude! Dude! You got fired for that man? Yes, I did. I'm going to roll to see if I can also stay tuned. Sure. Oh, nice roll. Oh, it's okay, I thought I was 14.

No, it's just a four. Okay, your effort to kind of like bro dance with this guy fails a little bit Dude, I'm sorry you got fired right that was not my intention, okay? Not my intention. Well, are you gonna help me out here and like help us get rid of these dogs? This wild dogs? Yeah What do you do? What are you guys gonna do for me? I know I can get rid of these dogs if you can do something for me Well, we can get you fired

Really you hit this job. I hate it so much. We could get you fired. We're really good at it We'll say that you killed Sam. Would you do that for me? Yeah, yeah, you wouldn't do that for me Yeah, you're the best man, but we have to ask you one other favorite first. Yeah, who'd you get my Yankee swap? Who's named did you get whose names that I Swap? Oh, who's named? Did you get? Who's named that I get? Yeah. I got Ross. Yes. Oh!

That's what we need. Yeah. I was gonna give her a disposable camera and a little miniature photo album. No. So she could take pictures of the night. I was adorable. I was like, you were going.

Can we see her? This is her idea. Can we swap Yankee Swap? Let's roll to see if it's a good idea. I think it's just precious. Let the dice decide Uh, if you want to try to convince him to swap Yankee swap names. We certainly can I think I think we should try to do it Okay, then we can find a way to get a sneak chocolate into a gift

I thought the Yankee swap was when you yanked something out of someone's hand. Should I just yank that out of his hand? That's a Yankee swap here in food and that's right I'm sorry I always thought a Yankee swap was like everybody gets a candle. 10. Not definitive if it's a good idea or not. Yeah. Do you want a swap? Do you want to? I think we should because this is a vulnerability. It's a way of getting to Ross. What we do is we give Ross some sort of food that's disguised or doesn't look like chocolate but it's filled with chocolate and she dies!

Did she alert you to chocolate? Yes, we learned that in the Larry campaign. That's good to know. She's allergic to chocolate. She feels guilty about not spending more time with her family too. She can bleed. Can bleed. Three.

Those are the three things we know. Okay. I think it's a good idea. Let's do it. I didn't check myself under this but's a good idea, you guys. Let's do it. I see it. I've seen it before. And not been checked myself into this, but get rid of these dogs. Let's change names. And then you guys have to fire. You better get me fired.

Absolutely. You better get me fired. Absolutely. All right. He pulls a can of Alpo out of his coat, runs over to the elevator, pushes down button. When the door is open, he opens the can, throws it in the elevator, tracking the dogs. The second they realize what's going on The doors close behind them and they are sent down to the well. Oh, he just realized oh, I forgot to push a button on the inside of the elevator

Well, there's still in there. It's gonna open up very soon It's gonna so you get away from the cell. You gotta get out of here. You better get me fired You know what I do love though. I love the face that dogs make when they realize something When they when you shut a door a door and they're like, what? Yeah, and as it's closing, you see them all, like, oh, yeah. Yes. One of those, they hold, you held onto the stick and bring it in to throw it. Yeah.

Yes. Now we must hide ourselves somewhere else. I do a check to see if I recognize anything in the area where we could hide. Across the hallway there is a small closet. You could possibly get into. Yes. Let's all run into the closet. Do we need to run one by one or all at the same time?

Do we need to run one by one or all at the same time? You could probably run by one, single file. It'd be nice. OK. Who's the first person in the closet? I'll go in first. First down the tent, awesome. It's a pretty small closet.

OK. I reckon just fit in there. But you got to stay on your feet the whole time, you're real real close, especially we can lie down two gales You can write lay down if you were stacked up on top of each other What I'd like to do I this might be a little a little weird what I'd like to do is go into the closet with gale D crumb And maybe we go in the closet and just shut the door. I just want to shut the door for like Maybe like seven minutes sure sure. Okay. How long is that elevator door gonna be shut about eight minutes? Oh good

Good, right. I do a check to see if they're in any other places. I have this floor Now the only place to hide is gonna be across the floor the cubicles Wait for their separate. Can I do a check to see if I can find like a glass anywhere, like a drink glass? Oh yeah, this. 18. Sure, yeah, you find one in the supply room there. Okay, I am going to hold it up to the closet door and see if I can hear what's going on in there. I'm going to try and mask the sound of a hardcore fingering session.

And if everybody's doing checks, I'm just going to do a brush check. Just to be safe. Can you roll for that, please? Oh, I'm a roll for the hand. Doldies! Alright, down. You get those letter dice. Yeah, but I'm from home.

You find no lumps and you're confident. Yes, yes. And not finding anything. Oh, good day. So, Gail D and I rolled, he got a 20, I got a 1. Okay, one of you was not being able to mask your intense Intense fingering session noise. It sounds like someone's just one person is making out in there I got a 20 so I know I succeeded viral I'm not really stupid that really sounds like someone putting a finger inside of another person

I get very mad and I just whip open the door and I'm like guilty Mad and I just whip open the door and I'm like guilty Gail D you add me down more respect in yourself and also let's swap Okay, so it's been about three and a half minutes. Yeah, we do a switch a room. Oh switch. Okay, okay Do you commence with the yeah get in there gonna roll the dye there? No, this is for the sound. You're rolled in 11. I'm curious about the finger roll. Yeah, here I have a five-sided die.

Because I got beyond it. G-O-D number two is not going to be satisfied with less than a fist. Okay, and I'm going to roll your letter die. And to see how hot this is. Yeah, hot. See how hot this is and I got an A and an F. That is hot, A, F. Uh, the three and a half minutes are up

or you're still listening, is Orlando Bloom still listening in? Ah, no, I just want Master Bated someplace else. Sure, okay. You want to roll for completion? Oh, natural 20. Outstanding, yeah, it goes by quickly, but it is satisfying as well.

Yeah, yeah, it's satisfying as well. Is that what the glass was for or? Yeah, exactly. Now I'm just, but also guys, just in case you need satisfying as well. Is that what the glass was for or exactly? But also guys, just in case you need our quest, I've got a glassful of gins. Right there down here. Right there. So obviously everyone's hiding the closet here. It's a little stinky in there, but it is full of the Christmas decorations. Oh, sorry about the size. I don't think you always dress you.

All kinds of holiday, holiday paraphernalia's So if people looking for a disguise anything they can do to yeah You also begin here on the outside the room is now filling up the office is now filling up with all the other people there or in the office there So we don't want people to know who we are at this part. Why especially can't because I've been fired I'm gonna take some of the decorations from the closet. I'm gonna dress up as Father Holiday. Ooh, nice one. Sure, okay. You're able to do that? Yeah, before I leave, I'm gonna grab, I'm gonna see, um,

if in the closet there's a pair of glasses that I can put on my face so that I look totally unrecognizable. Sure, sure. It's, uh, 18. Yeah, you find a pair of glasses that, um, and actually it's last year's years and the zeros are eye holes Ooh, and people are like oh this guy's obviously from another year great. Oh perfect. Yeah, he's Clearly not Dan the temp yeah, Dan the temps from this year and make it to the party. Yeah. Yeah, yeah perfect I'm gonna set the blend in yeah, I want to do a check. I want to roll to see if there's any chocolate hiding

in the closet. Sure, yeah. It's a 12. It's well. Well, as a marketing manager, you're very brand conscious and able to recognize that you find some roll lows, which while not entirely chocolate do have chocolate on them.

You recognize the branding, you recognize the logo. Rolos is the thing in this game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That little bits of caramel covered in chocolate, correct? Yeah, yeah. Huh. Okay, no, there's just a lot of earth stuff in this game. I refused to wear a costume under the myself because I've been looking forward to this holiday party,

and I want to look sexy. Sure. You know, because there's more to your good party and I want to look I want to look sexy sure you know because there's more feel good so I just like yeah I just I changed my outfit from day to night by removing my cardigan I'll put on the discarded cardigan sure so I just classed my outfit up a bit I feel like I want to write a book called discarded cardigan what a great discarded... Discarded Cardigan. Yeah. Is it a good vocal war up? Discarded Cardigan. Discarded Cardigan. Hey there, Finnish gamers. I'm Musa.

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It is your destiny to join us for the best four days in gaming! See you this Blunder! As you leave and enter the party, you see everyone's there, Emily is there, all three errands are there, as well as Charles. For the errands human, everyone is dancing and singing and having a good time. So you are not in disguise? as well as Charles. For the air in human. Everyone is dancing and singing and having a good time. So you are not in disguise? No, but people might not recognize me

because I usually wear the car again. Okay, it also occurs to me most of us work here. So we could probably be here, not in disguise. Well, at some point someone approaches both gales and taps them on the shoulder. Oh, that's me. Yep, what's up? And turns around as all right, it's a girl, it's Kelly. Fuck. Oh, that was me. Yep, what's up? And turns around as all right. It's a girl. It's Kelly.

Fuck. Oh, no. Which one? Which one of you, Gales? The Caduce in my keyboard drawer. I'll be honest, that was me. That was straight up me. I did. Okay. I'll take the eat for this one. I'll take it. Are you saying that to me or you saying that to Kelly? I'm gonna say it to you and to Kelly. I'm gonna be like, I don't know what you're talking about. Why are there two gales? I don't understand what's happening. You're in a dream. There were always two gales. I'm in a dream.

There are always two gales. Yes. What? Yeah. You never noticed. There were always two gales. Oh yeah, I like your idea better. Didn't you notice? Well, as IT professionals your ability to To lie to someone's very low. I don't know if you want at the temper the marketing manager to try to make try to lay in this Or if you want to know where I could say did you not know that IT stands for identical twin? I did not know that yeah, then fuck you your bad you job Kelly You should the fuck up and stop talking about dudes at the bar. Yeah, I say Kelly to Giel's this human Okay, my role it's gonna be a lot of rolls coming out of here Okay, I rolled a 20 you're old a 20. Yeah, we've had a lot of 20s lately

Dice today. I also have I gotta be honest. I have a pair of dice. It's all 20s. Oh I'm gonna roll the two letters. That says B and S. I use a different die show Okay, I'll roll again. Oh, that's a five. It's okay. Look, no, I T-Santer Generation technology. All right, I'm not that stupid. Okay, I may be already pretty drunk and already trying to score with multiple people

around in the office, but you took a dump in my desk. Look, Kelly, you clearly don't know what's going on here. Because Gail and Gail have always worked here, and I'm sorry that you aren't bright enough to keep track of who is working for you. I'm sorry that you're such an elitist that you look down on anybody who works in the IT department

and just treat them like they're all one person. There's always been Gail Davidson, there's always been Gail Durst. I'm just roll. Okay, as you deliver your speech, a small circle is forming around you, all the dogs, and the gales of the people, and a slow clap is starting to swell. Oh, a slow clap. Oh, huh. Between you and around the gales and around Kelly. I'm going to roll, if I may, to try and see if I

can convince people to speed up the clap. Sure. Sure. Okay It's a 14. Yeah, you are you by getting it. All right people now everyone's clapping and it's slowly speeding up Hopefully that's a little more natural. Yeah. Yeah, and if you get a roll as well from John Bastion 9 9 Well, add in your you did to pray to the marketing gods as well as And if you have any other magic items you did to pray to the marketing gods as well as And if you have any other magic items you want to parlay here or use Let me see

My hat is ruined. I love that Dora. I saw my messenger bag Sure, okay, okay, I'll I'll tack them in as well. It begins to work It begins to sink in a little bit at least her guard is down She has not bought it hookline and sinker but perhaps her guard is down a little bit. Would it help push you over the edge of Gail D&I started doing our trademark handshake dance. Yeah sure yeah. I love to see that. Yeah. We shake hands and we tap tap tap. Oh I like this. All right. And maybe what Waukelle's guard is down and while the dance is going on, I'm gonna try and gas lighter,

and make her think that it's last year, since I'm wearing glasses from last year. Sure, you're gonna go gas lighter? Yeah, here we go, that's 19. Perfect, like, what, come on, and what's happening here? You're ridiculous, I thought it was, I just need a life, I do much to drink.

I really had, I guess I've had too much to drink. Yeah, I think we all drink. I guess I've had too much to drink. And, you know, I'm just gonna take my Yan Yankee gift swap gift and and I'm just going to go. Thank you whoever got me this, you know, two liter gym beam. Thank you. Oh, hold on to that if you want to go lay down. Sure. Thanks, John. You still work. You do work. Yeah, of course. Oh, Kelly on your way out use the elevator Thank you. Thank you so much Thank you so much and she walks off towards the elevator a few minutes later you hear a

Jack her foeful of dogs and drunk lady and within the doors close again and you're a ding and You know she is probably dead. She's standing chance. She's self-tans She's smelling jerky. No, I wish I could have seen those dogs faces when those doors open and she was standing there When you think about it she was 100% right that you did take a dump in her desk though. I know So so she's upset Totally valid as she wants to come to us for revenge. No, it was like her, right?

Anyone who stands in our way must die. And then we just decided to try to like drive her insane and send her to her death by God. You threw a sword, but it didn't do anything. He gets you terrible. You hear a loud noise. Who's got my name? I haven't gotten my gift yet. Oh, I could be. Is it a rise?

Yeah, I quickly put the chocolate into the gym bean. Okay, all right. It dissolves into the booze there. Yeah. I wonder if that's good. Like, I wonder if it tastes good. It's not your gift. You can't try it now.

If I can try to swat, I can try to yank it. Yeah, Orlando. Also, there's gym bean in the game. Yeah, Orlando also there's Jim being in the game Yeah, I mean, it's just in the book, you know, what's in the it's in the Object, you know, just because there's coincidental names doesn't mean anybody's up to anything. No, no, I mean, let me let me name a chocolate candy. Oh Henry See I just said two words. That's true. Does that compute to a, yeah it is, it is a candy.

Does the word compute, compute to anything? Dan, I need you to take the name and give this gift to Ross. Okay, okay. Don't do something else that, make sure she gets it. Okay. If she, if we defeat Ross, I can get my job back. Okay. As you're having the scum, Rhaas enters the circle. No dogs.

Of the people clapping and everyone gets a... He's so glad. I have one backs up a little bit here. A hushed muted tones from people. Possibly even some side bets going on, on the outside as well. I try to disappear into the circle a bit. I'm gonna roll the die there.

That's a 14. 14. Okay, you're able to, she will have a negative, just detecting you, but for only two turns, at which point she will get her full value of detection. Who's got my name? Who's got my name? I do.

It is Rod, dimensioned it was Rods? Oh yeah, it's Rods. It's Rods.? I do. It is Ross. Dimension is Ross. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's Ross. And she's in full, a Rosmode. She has, it appears to be like a bow on top of her head after some inexplicable reason. And she's been drinking.

She's been drinking. She wants someone to unwrapper. I don't know what's going on. She's just trying to get attention. Like it's all just for attention. So who's got my name? I do. And my name is a temp right?

Yes, my name is Rob White the temp I don't want to be dance. I sure Yeah, my name is rob white. I mean I know that's your name. Do you work here? Look at my glasses? Those are last year's glasses. I'm a cookie dude. Well give me my gift. I want my gift So I hand the chocolate booze to Raz. Okay. This has been opened. Has it? Yeah, it's been opened. At this point, Raz is going to use her condescending tone. I want to roll a 20-sided die to resist or condescending tone.

Oh, why? Everybody? Everybody? Everybody? Around the table? I have an eight. Eight. You will be unable to speak anything other than absolute truth for three turns. Oh, sure. 16.

You have the messenger bag. You are resisting of the condescending tone. 13. 13. You have one turn where you must ask of the condescending tone. 13. 13. You have one turn where you must ask, answer any questions she has. Truthfully. Okay.

Over here. You will be unable to do any action for two turns, and then after that you have five terms of having to answer any questions she has. Complete truthfully. Y-Z? Nope. Sorry. Let me...

Oh, 11. 11. Okay, you also have one turn of having to answer her truthfully. Okay Who is this who are you? My name is Dan Smith. I'm a temporary. Oh, oh, why would I why would I know you? I'm from I'm from Richmond Oh, I'm from Richmond too. Really? Yeah, what's your favorite restaurant? The Appleflies Really? Yeah. What's your favorite restaurant? The apple flies. Roll for rice. Okay, all right, that checks out.

I'm gonna try some of this booze here. She does try it and does not detect the chocolate right away. It does not detect it yet on this first swig with each subsequent drink. She may detect a little bit more. Why isn't it even partying? What's going on? Why is everyone standing here? We'll let it die here. Okay, John Baxter, you know, there are some people in this room who recognize you who are staring at you. I'm actually not staring at him because I can't do anything.

You can't do this, crack this crack. that condescending tone has broken you eyes of your eyes over. I use my turn that I have to say something truthful to run to the elevator shaft and scream down to Kelly. You fucking bitch! I shan't your desk! And now you're dead! Oh, allow that, that's fine. Okay, okay. Damn, what did Kelly ever do to you exactly? I just, That's fine. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I churn my back to Razz completely and in a strange voice I say They're waiting for you to dance

Okay, they were all the die here. Okay, there's a dance everyone's waiting for Razz to dance Okay, we roll for Razz at this point your turns of able to hide from her are now boasted out over. Who's that? Who said that? Jim? Why does one person have their back turned? Why is everyone staring at me? But one person have their back turned. So I turn my back in solidarity. Are you ever by the elevator shaft right now? Still yelling at Kelly.

I do know who it is. I do some sort of sense between I can feel it. I say I say it's John Sebastian. He's pretending like Whoa, who are you? I'm Arnie Neacamp about a year and a half ago. I thought through a dimensional portal behind a burger can the fantastical magical land of the year Orlando luckily I'm still why oh I'm supposed to say the truth in the game. Oh, okay, I'm Orlando Bloom an elf from a magical land about a year and nine months ago I felt your dimensional poor blacksmith shoppy just occurs And that's saying that's a that's John Bastion, huh? Yeah, what's he doing here? It's trying to kill you with chocolate inside Jim beam Also you didn't ask this is a glass of giz. Or fucked.

Shad, shad, shad, shad. That is disgusting. Yeah, it's in my hand, it's not for you. You know what, Glonrola 20-sided die there. 18, 18. She tried to use her groan of disapproval, but you were able to resist. Oh great. I'm just shameless. Yeah, turns it back your attention. Don't, John, do it. You're fired. You can't come to the holiday party. I still worked your most of the year, so I thought I'd got to go to the party. Well, you don't because I said so. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'll leave now. I guess you tried to kill me Yeah, yeah, honestly I tried to kill you because Everyone knows that you had the numbers everyone knows that you fired me just because you don't like me and

That is bullshit. Can I start another slow clap? When you say that yeah, if we can and here's what we'll do we'll go ahead and have If you want to do the slow clap if you want to have it the escalate Then a roll your your dies there. Sure, and I'm gonna hype it It's gonna hype it as well go ahead and give me a roll as well and have 15 15 awesome. Oh, what I want So you can't quite get everywhere. It's kind of Yeah, the claps aren't quite in tune in unison and I'm just I'm just barking like a dog barking like a dog Give it a roll for me. Yeah, that's a 16 16 Okay, those are some good bonuses

Um, that'll be great speech John if you want to try to convince her With that speech you just gave hmm going to roll for it here You've got your messenger bag and your So 15 15 plus the bonuses from the gales. You have Stunted Rise. She feels out of place in this office. So, Rise, why don't you just pack it up and go back to Richmond? Ooh. And as John Bastion burns her, I'm going to sneak behind her

and get down on all fours in the form of a table. Okay, okay. And I'm going to sign a check on top of her. Sure, okay. But I dated 2007 because I'm confused by he's gonna I'm gonna put this a glass of jizz on his back without a coaster Okay, all right, I would advise you to do today as still as you possibly can I'm gonna Try to kind of get Ross to be a little stunned by kind of shouting questions to her about her family whom she neglects.

What's your son's favorite book? Okay, uh, go and roll, roll a die there. 12? 12, let me roll for her. Oh, okay, um, those are landing. Who? Who are you? What's going on?

Why are there two? Why the two of you? What's your daughter's favorite color? That doesn't matter right now. Who, uh, she changed her little, why the two of you? What's your daughter's favorite color? That, that, that doesn't matter right now. Who, she changed their mother? We, yeah, certainly I certainly, I certainly And one of them had sex with your ex-husband after a jam baroo. What? This is preposterous. This is preposterous.

Okay, I need to go into a role, I'd die again, to resist her controlling tone. This controlling tone would immediately, as guys to use this once once per engagement This is her her dragon breath here. I got an eight three 12 19 four Okay, everyone cowers is all right. I am

Roz Walters. I am COO from Richmond, and I need everyone to shut their mouths and start partying and back away now. And everyone does back away. You'll fail the test, except for John Bastard. And I decide to give her a final push over Dan Smith's back. Okay, you run and give her a push. Go ahead and roll for that. 11. 11.

11. Okay, the glass does not break, but it does kind of spill on her back a little bit. Oh. She falls over, what's happening? It's too gross. It's kind of hard. It does give her a few points of damage.

I'm almost roll again with a plus three to break her toe, and that was very embarrassing event that happened to her. Are people still under the spell of her tone? Got a 12, plus where he is 15. Yep, not bad, not bad. 17, wonderful. 11.

11? You're already not under the spell. Right, right. I have a 1. You are still very much under the spell of controlling tone. But you guys have woken up and can now do something with your turn. Can I do a secret action?

Real fast? Sure. I'm gonna- Wait, let me make everyone deaf with my spell. Carthand from an author. I'm gonna run up to Roz and ask her to sign Dan Smith's birthday card. I still don't have her autograph.

That's true. Yeah. That's true. I want to get everybody in the office. Go ahead and give me a role on that. Okay. And what are you rolling for? Oh, 11. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Yeah, Ron you're not Yeah, I pretty sure that's fine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the cup of jizz That's really oh I interesting it will it started going in that direction before this card did cardigan

This card did cardigan and I'm sure it's not easy to be a woman in the workplace like oh no being female There are some rules in the book that sometimes women don't get as many special abilities as a man or I appreciate that. I'm sorry we're all trying to kill you. Oh, that's fine. Well, whoever's this is for, I've, I've signed. Okay, well thank you. I appreciate that.

I'm never going to forget that. Would you help me up? Yeah. Well, thank you very much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do I roll for that? No, you tell her up. Okay, all right.

Are you done yet? I think we're done. I think the secret action is done. Oh. Yeah, I'll flip. Ah. Oh, I can hear myself. Oh, so what happened?

You fixed my one bomb here. Yeah, that was weird. You reminded me of that time that I was a leopard. A deaf leopard. The whole time I was just thinking about baseball. I don't even know what that is. Well the secret action was for Orlando Bloom to have. Well if you want to explain what you do. Wait you do a secret action we can't hear but then you're gonna tell us what it is. Well there is an outcome. One is Orlando Bloom seems a little to be a Philzalus I have a Ross.

Kill him. What? And feel like maybe he thought so bad after all. And maybe I should defend her. Maybe I should help. He killed Diane. He killed everyone in that restaurant. I've had it with Orlando Bloom.

Wait, I think in offices and bosses what I've come to discover is the most powerful weapon of all is empathy. Oh, what? Dan Smith? I also got something for you. It's not another glass, is it? No, it's this birthday card. Signed by everybody in the office. Oh my god, that's all I wanted.

I know. Oh my gosh, thank you so much. I know it's not your birthday, but I'm very touched. I'm gonna roll to see if my heart enlarge, not in a way that would kill me, but just the way that's like... I'm gonna for real, yeah. It's a...

Natural 20. Your heart does enlarge, and for the next two weeks, you decide that you're gonna quit tempering and pursue That garage band you always wanted to be a great cardigan maybe finish that play. Yeah, you are working on Remembering all the things that made you move to the big city in the first place that you had to put on pause Just to get this job to pay the bills So for the next rest of the day you will not be a temp you will be a man will not be a temp. You will be a man. You'll be a man. You'll be a man. I make a beeline. You'll be up for the closet.

I was going to say you guys want to spend like three and a half solid minutes in there after that exchange. All right. Come with you. Well, we're not we're not done with Roz. She is bleeding ever so slightly. but she is far from dispatched. All right, Roz, I'm not gonna lie. We came here to either get Jon's job back or to kill you in the process. Well, I just want you all to know that this Jon Bastion is a terrible guy, and I've had it out for him from the beginning, and it's whole thing with a giant set up to get him can't Roz why have you had it out for me? What do you have against when a role for that convincing convincing marketing tone 11 11?

I knew a guy. I'm Johnson but the John Sebastian high school. My name is John Bastion What I knew a guy I know but I knew a guy named John Sebastian in high school. And ever since I've been in this office, I keep hearing that name, said out loud, John Sebastian. And I reminds me of this terrible guy, a new in high school, who was very mean to me. And, um, I guess I'm taking, I guess I'm taking that on you. Well, that's not me. It clearly says here in my character sheet that after high school, I changed my name from John Sebastian to John Bastion.

Oh! Oh! How did I know that? I must look like a dog the way I just reacted. I love that look. I just so you know, Dan Smith, the skills of a temp you will temporarily maintain, but you also gain the skills of whatever it is your dream job was next two weeks.

So you'll have the skills of a garage musician and or amateur playwright as well. Yes, but only for two weeks, only for two weeks. And then you will probably realize that you should probably just keep your job. Yeah, of course. I mean, that's, yeah, but those two weeks, I'm going to write some sort of musical play.

I mean, I'll be honest, those two weeks you're going to feel good, but then they're going to make you more sad later. I start to immediately craft this a ballad, right? Ross, if you need to take out your rage on someone, why don't you fire Steve? You know that guy who always smells like dog food? Yeah, go ahead and roll a die there. Ooh, 18. Yeah, he does smell like dog food.

You notice that, too? Let's say I vote. Who thinks I should fire Steve instead? I raise my hand. I raise my hand. I raise my hand. Okay. John Bastion, if you can prove you have one round to prove why I should hire you back,

and fire Steve instead. Steve isn't productive because he spends all of his time and energy complaining about how he doesn't like to work here. I'm not appealing to her heart. And all I do is work hard every single day doing the best I can at my job. And when I'm done with my job, I know how to have a good time

and to make the people around me that I care for feel good, and that's contagious. All right, here's your challenge Here's your challenge. I bet up a little bit. Okay, you're I see your role there. That was nice. What does that sound like? 12 Get stuff done has some fun makes people feel good all the time Okay, all right. Here's your challenge Selling some rice crispy's Give me your campaign for rice crispy. Wait, there's rice crispies on this skin?

I got a little cereal, a little puffed rice. Puffed rice. And then they make some of the marshmallow and you bake it. It just seems exactly right. Oh, okay. Well, if you can, if you can convince her

with your rice crispies campaign, you can have your job back. Here's my campaign. The lights come up on a small kitchen table. The boy and a girl sitting there. Oh, this is a great intro for the play. I'm writing lights up on this kitchen. A mom, not unlike your self-rause, brings a tray of rice crispies over to the children. Damn, can you maybe form a table so she can picture this moment?

Yeah, let me get that little for you. They reach out with their tiny hands and begin to eat the marshmallow and rice crispy laden treats. And they look at their mother and they say I love you mom and she says I love you too I'm sorry I have to go to work today and they say that's okay you do it for us. Oh shit I'm a fucking mess over here. Oh my god all these lyrics are funny to me. Wow this is so madman season one episode 13 the dogs in the basket in the

The dogs in the basket in the gold and son little girls This is writing itself 16 16 here's Roses Roses roll the three this story very much affects her. Her head begets to just spin around really, really fast until it rockets off of her body and stars and snow fall and everyone.

I wish you could easily, beautiful. Right, white Christmas for everybody. Yeah, that's amazing. And blood does come out of her body. That was awesome. That was a tough boss, that was a Roswell. Wow We have one big toys again, you said or puts another notch within his staff showing it another Villain has been defeated at his hand yay none do escape mine site when my site is set upon them

Wait, bro, did oh, yeah, oh yeah,, we defeated her defeated her by appealing to our emotional state Get winning you seem upset you seem unsatisfied. It's just seemed all sad that Ross died at the end You killed several people in this game. Yes, you have that greatest body count of the whole game I suppose that's yeah, and at the end of the day you feel the glass cup full of Com I mean I collected a bag of eyes, but that's not even half as discussing as what you did. Yeah, I guess that's true. I was hoping you would have been able to use those eyes, either as marbles to trip people on, you know, or I should have there.

Yeah, but... Stay room for next time. Yeah, they can stay on your character. I'm saying it's 2020. Isn't bag full of eyes the first album from discarded cardigan? They can stay on your character. She's like, I'm sad is 2020 isn't isn't Bag full of eyes the first album from discarded cardigan. Oh, it is now Bag full of eyes. I know the campaign is mostly over but can I kind of just like Skurry through all the gifts and the Yankees changes ripping them all open and seeing if maybe there's a dimensional portal in any of the packages. Yes, a day new mall

Sure sure portal in any of the packages? Yes, a Danumall. Sure, sure. You're going to fall down there. I'm 14. You find a dimensional portal, but it's fairly small, but you aren't getting a slight whiff of smoke through the dimensional portal. Like the smoke that would come from a blacksmith shop?

I perhaps. How big is the hole? Like how much of me can get Oh boy, uh, this sounds like a question for the closet Yeah, that's the first question I always ask is how big is the hole? Because I want to know what I'm working with Yep rip my life into pieces. This is my bag of eyes I say classic that can't be the lyric to every song I write. I'll become a let it flower dream. Hey Gail. Yeah Gail. You want to go tag team Dan in the

closet? Only if it's while we play a laser tag. Alright I'll go get some laser pointers. Noise. So Orlando are you gonna try to go through that portal? Well how can I fit my whole body through? Well, it's gonna be a time if everyone maybe put your shoulders down there But I jumped on top of your feet as you're upside down and there maybe you could fit in there But you certainly couldn't come back through never never I couldn't See my friends and Smith and Gail Durst and Gail Davidson and John Sebastian.

John Besson. It'd be the last time you'd see them. Yeah. Or you could stay here in the land of officers and bosses. I mean, I was working really hard all this time to try to get home. I guess I didn't think about all the people I'd be leaving behind. Do any of you want to come with me to the magical land behind the blacksmith's shop? Yes, shop.

I just got my job back. And as much as we adore you Orlando, I think you should get home. Okay. Why don't you go first and we'll go in right after. I look at Gail and just kind of... You do like a hand wavy like, ain't gonna happen. Can I roll to see if I notice that?

Ah, sure. 14. Use since. Yeah. Yeah. Just the voice. You don't even need to see the hand just yet. It's like, there's a not a convincing voice.

No, and this is an IT professional too. All right. Oh. John Bastion wishes Orlando the best, but he becomes almost immediately again obsessed with his quest to make Quaker Oats instant oatmeal the best instant oatmeal on the market. Quaker Oats in this game? Quaker Oats instant oatmeal. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you said if you read the read the books, you know, they list all the things that are in the world, yeah. He's in charge of a number for him, actually. Oh, it looks like this. Look.

GLD is just now reading the Concern with Glater's Handbook, I'm never a vision board. He's the one who fills that glass with cup. I lost it. Actually, I don't think that book is fascinating. There's many interesting bits of trivia and history about the creation of the game that you might find fascinating.

It's crazy, I mean, like, there's so much earth stuff in here that's kind of eerily close to being accurate. There's a bit of a legend about how the game was invented that, again, it's a bit of a story and not everyone in food believes it, but the guy who wrote it claims that he himself felt through some kind of dimensional rift from a land and this is about his world. His name was Gary, Gary Guy-Gaxx and he says that, oh, you know, they wrote this game while

he was here, you know. Is he still here? I don't know, he went back, he went back. But he was here for a long time and I don't know, you know, maybe he went back to his world and up into hamburger stand and I don't know, you know, maybe he went back to his world and up into hamburger stand, I don't know. He was here for a while and, you know, the name sounds very familiar. We should investigate this gentleman, perhaps, how he traveled through dimensions should help you someday, Arnold. Yeah. Gail is gonna just kind of put an arm on Orlando's back and just say, well,

It's kind of put an arm on Orlando's back and just say, well, you know what Orlando senses that there was a moment that was a moment of nice connection and bonding between him and his fellowship in the office. It was a moment where it was time to say goodbye. And he realized that he really lingered a little too long through that moment where it kind of crumbled to kind of like, do you have to let it work? Things. So he realizes, you know what? It's going to have to stay in the land of offices and bosses until there's another portal.

And another moment that's a little better. Oh, you can go through the portal and you can play different characters next time. Oh, All right, I'm gonna jump through the portal. Bye I'm gonna roll a dexterity check to make sure you don't land on the blacksmith's fire. Oh, okay. Oh Three you land face first onto the blacksmith's fire. Oh In the midst of blacksmith's fiery. How many how many how many hit points are available to you? Seven oh you only have seven in points. Yeah, okay. It's a 1d6 plus 6 is the damage relating on a blacksmith's

Four definitely dead. Can I yell? Can I yell through the portal looks like someone else got fired? Let the bodies hit the floor. Wait, I've got my I've got my My apron. I've got my apron the protection. You do apron protection. That's friend. Go ahead and roll it down Okay Six, okay, well you follow the portal the blacksmith What the what the hell is going on? Yeah, yeah great funes ghost. What is this? Yeah, you did roll off Your apron does protect you to the tune of five points. Oh, okay Yeah, so you are merely incapacitated and you'll spend the rest of your life

Wishing for death wishing for death. Yeah, yeah badly badly burned badly burned The world of offices and bosses does have some burn units in the hospital But they'll be should have applied some salve and saved you and transplants whatnot Great stuff you guys everyone kept their jobs There may be a little holiday bonus in your check. Oh excellent. Oh wait. What's this? Well, you're gone. You're gone I guess Torch chair It hurts men

That work what? Torch chair, it hurts, man. And that's how you play offices and buses! I'm kinda not happy that I came back. This is the time where normally I would tell you none of this really happened, but this is fake characters in a fake world playing Faker characters in a Faker world. It's super not real. Call it an alternative fact. Thank you for following along as we depleted every ounce of possibility from a thread bear

premise, and thank you for listening to the subsequent four episodes as well. Use it all the wizard, aka John Bastion was played by Matt Young. Shunt the shapeshifter, aka Dan Smith was played by Abel Refyre. From the Hungarian, aka Gail Davidson was played by Mark Logstin. Flower, aka Gail Durst, was played by Brooke Wright. Someday her grown children can listen to mother's embodiment of a plant yearning to be fisted. Metamorphos' manager was played by Bill Arnett, aka low-functioning rainwillson.

Musa and Koji, the spokespeople for elaborate con, were played by Cat Cool and James DiMotto. Creators and hosts on the One Shot Podcast Network, with podcasts like One Shot and Campaign where improvisers play role-playing games. One Shot is a new game each month, and Campaign is an ongoing Star Wars campaign. All of that can be found at OneShotPodcast.com. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Meekam, Evan Jacoba and Ryan DeGeorgie. This episode edited by Ryan DeGeorgie, production assistance from Garrett Schultz, The first ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever Magic Tavern. Final word in your secret phrase, it. Now bask in the warm glow of understanding. For hours of bonus audio content, including the sound of one person putting a finger inside

another, and Arnie's one-man reenactment of the prestige, go to audible.com, open a live chat window with a customer service representative, and beg them to make it. One parting thought. When cornered, Arnie's greatest weapon is an apology. If that's not a fitting statement for this entire endeavour, I don't know what he is. He's the one, and he fills a glass with calm. And he killed Diane. And he... Finger, dad, man.

Thanks.