Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Conversational Improv

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! Arnie, Matt, and Adal chat and do some improv scenes inspired by their conversation.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on X, Instagram and YouTube!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampMatt: Matt YoungAdal: Adal RifaiCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Matt YoungAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Garrett SchultzMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Matt Young and Sage G.C.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, this is Nick. And this is Jack. And we just launched a brand new podcast called The Best Idea Yet. You may have heard of it. It's all about the untold origin stories of the products you're obsessed with. Listen to The Best Idea Yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Each morning, it's a new opportunity, a chance to start fresh. Up First from NPR makes each morning an opportunity to learn and to understand. Choose to join the world every morning with Up First,

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Well your Thanksgiving wishes just came true. Cause I'm spinning some bonus gold. In this newly freed Patreon episode, Matt, Addle and Arnie do some improv. Yep, that's it. Well stick around after to learn about how to support the show or just go to Patreon.com slash Magic Tavern to learn more right now. But for now, listen to your favorite hosts, not do their show. Enjoy.

Placeholder theme song, placeholder theme song. We don't have a song because we didn't think ahead. I'm Matt Young and I'm singing this instead. Placeholder theme song. Not the tavern, not, not the tavern, not the tavern, not, not the tavern, not the tavern, not, not the tavern. Hi everyone, we're trying something new tonight,

and we're gonna just wing it, because that's what we do. We are improvisers by trade and by training. And tonight, we present to you. And to be clear in your mind's eye, it doesn't have to be night. Hmm, that's true. It could be anywhere, anytime. Yeah.

But tonight we're gonna do some improv for you. Like we would have done, you know, 10, 15, even 20 years ago when we were first starting out, just young pups, just raw dogs, raw dogs. Cool, it's gotta be a better term than that. Can't think of one, so I guess we'll go with raw dogs. Okay, so we're raw dogging it. And yeah, back in the day,

we were all performed on Harold teams at I.O. and performed together in World News Tonight, long running new satire improv show. And we would take inspiration from the audience, from the articles we read, or just from conversing with each other like we're about to do now. So Adil, Arnie, how have you been?

Been pretty good. Just had, not to date this episode, but the 4th of July just happened. One of my least favorite holidays. You literally just dated the episode. Tonight. There's far worse going off right now in the background. Garrett, thank you so much. Um, and I think it's up there with New Year's Eve

as one of my least favorite holidays. I mostly, I spent most of the I mostly I spent most of the time I Spent all the time indoors comforting my cats as they have no idea what's going on How are you two doing? What's going on with you? I was sick on the 4th of July. I Felt terrible. That's my favorite Tom Cruise movie by the way sick on the 4th of July. Yeah unnecessary sequel in my opinion. I just felt terrible. So it was like that day we were supposed to go meet a friend

at the beach and I was like, I can't go anywhere. I just feel bad. I was also supposed to be doing stuff around the house. So it ended up being a very lazy day. What about you Arnie, what was the fourth like? The fourth was relatively nice. I visited my family in Ohio with my daughter and we, you know, my daughter got to play with all their cousins and that was exciting. I really would, I'm not a big Fourth of July person in general. I don't enjoy fireworks. Living in Chicago for a while has made me hate the constant sound of fireworks that you hear that time of year

But my I went with my brother-in-law Matt Cordarnier who is Alyssa who actually is a patreon supporter and we sat on the reservoir and Watched the fireworks display from two different locations from the small towns downtown fireworks and then also The country club fireworks so you can see both of them from the reservoir and Arnie where that country club fireworks like

Kaboom The funniest thing was the kids, my daughter and my nephews, they basically just spent the entire fireworks display time in a constant commentary about which fireworks display was better, whether it was sort of, they were constantly, they're just very invested in like, oh, the country club, I think the country club is doing better, wait, no, no, the fair fairgrounds one we think the fairgrounds one is doing

better now and it was it was very delightful big big fan of this gentlemen gentlemen please please come into my office as the mayor of this small town it's it is my honor but my duty to make sure that we have the greatest 4th of July celebration anywhere on earth amen mayor McDaniel and can I just say last week when I received the key to the city I I was beyond honored. And I have tried, I have tried presenting that at every business and every business so far, I have gotten a free sample. So thank you so much.

You've gone above and beyond. You're very welcome, Belinda. It, your service as the, for running the post office for these past 30 years has been greatly appreciated. And that's why I called you here today. I appreciate that. I wanna mail fireworks to every other neighboring town. What do you think?

Wait, hold on. I'm so sorry to interrupt your honor. You want mail fireworks? No. Hang on. Are you trying to gender the fireworks? No, I would like to ship fireworks to every neighboring town. You want to ship fireworks?

No, I want the greatest fireworks. Mayor McDaniel, mayor Mc- A penis firework that shits? You might be onto something. What are we doing? And also, can I just say, it does feel a little unusual that you're both mayor and judge in town. That feels like a conflict of interests, your honor. Yeah, especially because you have been on trial

a lot of the time that you've been in office. Well, that's why I became a judge, to make sure that my time in office was no longer hindered. But I think if we mail these fireworks and the shape of penises to every neighboring town, and then those fireworks shit all over the place like they explode and they're like oh boy there's gonna be sparks and beautiful colors and then it's just shit everywhere then our fireworks will

be the best. Look I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry your honor. I'm not a prude. I'm gonna be honest. I'm not a prude. Excuse me Belinda. No it's fine.

If we're talking about things that are too crude. No, I I've been working at the post office for 30 years I have seen it all do the fireworks have to both fuck and shit. That's the thing Like I'm fine with either but together well, dr. Samuelson That's why I called you here to find out what was medically possible Well, I am a shit-and-fuck doctor. So medically possible. Well, I am a shit and fuck doctor, so I am an expert. Well, ear, nose, throat, shit and fuck doctor, right? Yeah, I know. But in that order of please.

You're an ENTSF, come on. And look, they are the lowest of my specialties. I'm an INTJ, I believe, which are helpers, I think. I think that's right Yeah, if I may if I may just offer up Another option or something in addition. I love the idea of male fireworks I mean a lot of fireworks are already phallically shaped But perhaps for the ladies there could be something where it's like

It's a firework that you know get shoot up in the air and then 25 to 30 minutes later, it explodes. Okay, okay. That's interesting. So what's happening in the meantime? You're thinking about baseball? Yeah, baseball, grandmas. Are you suggesting, Belinda, that we do fireworks display that involves just more than one firework going off?

I think this year we have the budget. I think because we have been saving money, scrimping and saving on having a mayor who's also the court judge. And the police. And the entire police squad. Also the jailer, the bailiff, the bondsman, the local- He does some of the catering. Taxidermy, yes, all the catering, taxidermy, mortician,

actuary- I don't love that the catering and the taxidermy are so close to each other. Yeah, well- I'm not a prude. I'm not a prude. I only got confused at one time. Not a prude. But I think we have it in our budget to maybe have, you know, more than one firework this year. I think that might be nice to hear a few.

Because usually, usually we have the one phallic firework that shoots in the sky. It's just enough to inseminate the sky. But you're suggesting a series of multiple fireworks going off, maybe growing in intensity as they go. Yes, I've seen it done. I've read about it in books. I've seen I've read letters from people to people in our town from elsewhere in the world where that happens.

And I feel like it is my goal to see that through. I think and can I just say Belleville, Ohio's our little towns town motto inseminate the sky I think That might be the reason for our lack of tourism I'm just worried that you're getting a little too radical like our sister city Devoe Well, there is Belleville Belleville and the it is so hard to say that. Can I just say Belleville Devoe? Well, I don't think we're going to resolve this fireworks thing anytime soon.

I did respond to a call as a police officer last night registering a complaint that our our accents are nondescript. Should we should we respond to that? I'm worried. Are people can I say I know there are several other people in this meeting. Are people able to distinguish which of the three of us are talking at any given time? I can always tell. Oh, thank oh, Secretary Goof. Thank you so much. What a weird man yeah mayor how is your investigating yourself?

For irregular use of funds how is that investigation going anything turn up? I'm gonna nail my ass to the wall Sounds fun as someone that specializes in fucking and shitting I can I can talk to you about that That sounds like a like something that's all it Spencer's is like a license to fucking shit or something where it's like Yeah, I'm 14 years old and I have to have this It's a laminated fucking shit license from Spencer's gift This piece of laminated paper says fuck and shit. It has everything. There's no way that's still a store, right? Like they've gone out of business.

Oh, it is. It's still a store. It is. It is still a store. Is it the same? In as much as malls still exist, which I guess is to a lesser degree, but they probably are one of the few things keeping malls alive.

Is it still the same sort of like weird mix of like- Penis pasta and posters? Slightly naughty and then like a t-shirt of the flash or some bullshit. Yes. It's still black light posters And then also like nightmare before Christmas t-shirts edible handcuffs I I think I read somewhere It probably was just a tweet or tick tock The good thing about Spencer's gifts is that they they are one of the few in a lot of locations the only place where you

Can get like a vibrator or a dildo? Oh Really that's interesting, huh? That makes me support Spencer Gips. I know, who would've thought? You're right. Sadly. But the problem is that that vibrator or dildo has a Tasmanian devil on it. Well, I mean, it makes you go blah blah blah blah blah. Guys, am I giving too many details?

Am I giving us too much inspiration for scenes? Maybe. You go in there. No, no, no. You go, you go. You go. I can't go. I'll get in trouble. I'm so... I'd be so embarrassed. I can't... Let's just go. Okay, let's just go. I'm sorry. I see you kids lingering outside my store. It's okay.

It's okay? Yeah, you can come on in. You're, look, to be clear, you look like you're at least 18 years old, correct? Uh... Yeah. Yeah. Alright, well come on into the dildo store. We'll just go in together.

Oh. So... All right, we'll come on into the dildo store. We'll just go in together. Oh So I Already have so many dildos should I um, I just what do you get for them guys got everything? In this place usually people don't want a lot of conversation But I am also I'm happy to help you if you need some help in your dildo shopping. Dildo shopping. Todd, he said dildo shopping. I guess, um...

Pardon us one second. Do you think... Do you think we should ask if it's okay to buy... ...uh, ten of them, and at the same time? Yeah. Yeah. Let's ask, like,'s what's like the normal amount and then also When we like do we buy two and make them kiss or what do we I don't know right make me but subtly subtly Make sure we know how to what we're doing. So sir, what is the bulk discount the bulk discount? Maybe we're talking like girth Sure, I was like if we cause normally you buy like a dozen

or so, right? Like a case, can we get a case of dildos? Well, I suppose I get them in bulk. I mean, not if you want, I mean, I guess I'd have to calculate. We don't really have a sort of discount. You know, we don't have like, although I haven't been thinking about doing a punch card where the more dildos you buy eventually you get a free dildo okay that's

not uh mr dildo that sounds good we'll take one of those thank you i assume your name please mr dildo is my father really yeah look at this That's not, it looks a lot like me. Arthur C. Dildo. Arthur C. Dildo. I'm just a little Artie Dildo. Artie with a T. Sometimes people always want to call me Arnie. That is not my name.

Who, what kind of name is that? Interesting. Terrible name. Terrible name, awful name. Can we be honest with you, sir? You've been so helpful. Yeah, there's no, I would prefer you didn't lie. Our friends dared us to come here because we were making fun of somebody

and we kept calling them a dildo. And then they said, do you even know what that is? And we don't. Jeremy and I never learned what it was. So can you explain it in great detail to us right now? Yeah, give us like a little breakdown. How much detail are we talking? Like from on a scale of one to a hundred,

how much detail do you want? It seems like your dad invented them, so you would know everything about it. I say in depth sir are you like the Iron Man of dildos like your dad invented the thing but then like you took it to the next level no but this dildo here here let me pull it off this is the Iron Man is the name of the dildo it's like a Marvel sponsored not in no no no no no in no way related no we've already had some legal issues. We had to make it clear. Uh, there is no hyphen or there is a hyphen, whatever is the opposite of what the real, you should

look into that. The comic book iron man is, what's that? I said, you should look into that, sir. It seems like a pretty tight rope to walk. Oh also look a Hulk Buster But to be clear, it's a different shade of green. It is it is in no way actually It's kind of a Marvel adjacent. It's just like it only happens to be evocative words that are similar Yes, like a seafoam and I'm sure sir. It's a different kind of bust as well Yeah, yes Oh, yeah it's a different kind of bust as well. Yeah, yes, exactly. Hulkbuster? Oh yeah. Sir, could you explain to us- Here's the Spider-Man, no way home.

Okay, that seems real dangerous. Yeah, you're really gonna get in a lot of trouble here, I'm afraid. Disney, they'll sue anybody. They'll probably sue us for this conversation. This conversation, sir. That's right, I forgot. Your little Billy...

Billy Tomlin? Yes. Your father's the IP lawyer? That's right. And this is my friend Jeremy. We don't know what dildos are. Look, how about this. So you want to know what a dildo is?

Basically it's a sexual aid Why yeah, it's a sex thing. You didn't even know you didn't even know it was a sex thing That's like what level like what are you about this guy have some guesses? What are your guesses as to what a dildo is? well, I once tried to Google it before my dad caught me and took away my internet privileges and what I found was that the dildo was a Southern hemisphere bird that went extinct in the 1920s and was known for its provocative beak Long neck and appearance in Lewis Carroll literature, sir When you're googling it were you googling it very fast to try and, yeah, to try and beat my dad from coming in.

But he, he caught me, sir. It's always a race. Jeremy, it was whenever he gets home, it's a sprint to the computer to see if he can Google something for his dad shows up. It's so stressful. It is so stressful. I assumed it was like a brass instrument. Like one of the ones you don't hear about like

tuba oboe dildo Yeah, I guess oboe isn't a brass, but you know what I mean. Yeah, it's like an orchestra orchestra and sure but then as soon as we Came here and walked up to the store. I kind of figured out this It seems like we're a sex thing what happened I mean look in simplest terms this is a little bit reductive because the dildo can be so much more than this but the dildo is essentially a penis it's it's an artificial penis it's it's a replacement for a penis whoa so if you're or a supplement for a penis or you know, if you don't like penises at all, that's also fine too. It's complex. You would think I have a better pattern for

this. You'd think, oh guys, oh Jesus. Well, sometimes when you're so deep into a thing, it's hard to like, don't say it like that. Do you have like a shelf? You know how like when you go to Walden books or beat Alton there's like a staff recommendations. Do you have like a staff recommendations? Yeah. The. Your head. This is one of the ones we're trying to offload right now is the doctor strange into the multiverse

of madness don't say offload sir Do you think you'll leave this store to your son no, that's the thing Stores not doing well, then I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm not doing well. I don't know how to improve it. Most of my customers are kids that are just old enough to be in here so it's not weird. They're just kids coming in who don't really know what a dildo is or they kinda know what a dildo is. That happens a lot and you can't explain it any better than that?

I know. I've had this conversation 20 times a week for the last 10 years. Wow, your cheeks are so red, sir. I know. Um, sir, I don't know if this is a hassle, but when we were dared to come in here and they are watching from there, they're over at the, um, at the Gadzooks right across, um, across the mall there. Um, they also dared us to try and get you to

Lick one of the dildos. Would you mind doing that sir in my defense? I thought it was an instrument Why would why would there be a fun thing to give me to do if there were something if it were an instrument? I thought they wanted to embarrass you thought it'd be funny. I don't know Yeah, it seemed a lot of the dares are to knock you down a peg sir. Why no, I shouldn't said peg. I'm sorry Wrong knock you down a wrong seat Man it is so hard to Not say sex words when talking about a dildo. Yeah It's almost like our brains,

and especially in the last 10 years, have been trained to hear every possible dirty sounding phrase. That's true. Trained, rotted. It's all gravy. What's up everybody? It's Jason Kelsey and I'm here with my slightly famous little brother, Travis,

AKA Big Yeti Kelsey. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we're here to bring you a next level entertainment experience with our show, New Heights. We're covering all the hardest hitting topics in order of importance, UFO sightings, the ideal PB&J combo, and of course, next level access to life inside the NFL and in the booth. Listen and watch New Heights wherever you get your podcasts. And if you want to listen to us first without any interruptions and get bonus content, join 1 3 Plus in the 1

3 app, Apples or Spotify. Hello, this is Simon Mayo. And this is Mark Kermode. He's the UK's best and most trusted film critic. He's a bestselling writer, broadcaster and national treasure. Far too kind. Kermode and Mayo's take has all the reviews you need

and star guests such as, Sir Ian McKellen. Nice to be with you. Emma Stone. That sounds like something I would love to be a part of. Ewan McGregor. I'm very good, how are you doing? Cate Blanchett.

What was that word you used? Catty Wampus. Kermit and Mayo's Take, all the film you need. Available wherever you get your podcasts. It's all gravy. It is funny. It is funny that, I mean, this is not a judgment because I've enjoyed this a lot, but it's like, man, those both went blue pretty quick.

Yeah, that's my fault. It isn't your fault. It isn't your fault, but it is like a funny thing of like, but it also like, I think it's not to like navel gaze too much, but I think it does speak to the way the show kind of works of like, oh, kind of like mixing a weird mundane thing with like a slightly salacious thing is always like a fun thing to do. Like just the idea that your dad was Mr. Dildo,

I think is really funny. And just like- Little art, little Artie Dildo. Yeah, and like all the things that were just like about like kind of how sad your life was and like how kind of clueless we were. Like it was really more about that with this weird backdrop.

So I find that to be like a fun, silly way to do comedy. Not that we need to fucking talk about comedy, break it all down. What's funny with the fruit with the fireworks scene I also when you said is it possible to male fireworks? I almost jumped on cuz I was like, oh male fireworks like the gendered fireworks I almost jumped on it and then Arnie did and I was like, whoa awesome So it is fun to be like, yeah, you know an improv a lot of times if there's like a weird thing that presents itself or a slight. How can you sig or zag?

Yeah, to be like, let's play with this. If we all heard that, let's all play with it versus being like, sweep it under the rug and pretend it wasn't said or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is just a happy accident, because it's like we were, here's an advantage we have is like,

we are Usador and Chantin Arnie. And like, that doesn't change. So we always have this like default now, but like I was in that moment, I was like, oh shit. Right, I have to say like, who Adil is. It's like, you're Belinda, you work at the post office, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, and that led to mailing the fireworks.

Like it's just like, it's such a funny, weird little. Yeah. And I was like, I can't be our unique amp, I'll be Artie Dildo. You did it. That's my fault. I said Arthur C. Dildo. That just cause I thought that was funny.

I don't know why that popped in my head of all things. I hope the next Magic Tavern episode we record, we accidentally call you a little Artie Dildo. Arthur C. Dildo, the author of a 2001 Dildo. Arthur C. Dildo the author of a 2001 Dildo's. It's a very salacious but thought-provoking book. Did you guys ever read those books? I kind of went through a sci-fi phase growing up and I think I did read one of them, like 2000, but one of the farther off ones and it made zero sense to me. Yeah, I had a similar experience with Dune

where I read the first one, I'm like, this is great, I'm really into this and I picked up the second book, I'm like, I don't give a shit about this at all. Sometimes books just don't need sequels and I think like series like, sometimes a series like that, like there's probably a lot to dig into and appreciate about the world building and all the stuff that ends up happening but like Sometimes I just like that first experience is just like so good and then it's just really tough to recapture it But everything is a fucking franchise now my experience with

Sci-fi was similar to my experience with fantasy Which is I was never as into hard sci-fi or hard fantasy. Like when it was like really fully the most of that genre, I always liked it more when it touched closer to our own reality. So either actually genre bending, like humans falling into magical worlds, or just something just a little bit closer

to a contemporary setting that had sci-fi elements in it Like Knight Rider like Knight Rider Mr. Zeg Nellie, please come on in Would you like a water or a coffee or anything like that? Do you have a flavored seltzer? I'm sure we can find one we'll have somebody watermelon please oh perfect yeah we'll look into that so my partner Dave and I we here at puffin publishing we want to be in the business of you we read your script we read your book we want to publish it we want to expand the world we want to make

it a whole universe now tell us a little bit more about your, the world you're building. Now, we get already that the Zetlians are aliens. Yeah. Right. And we get that Mr. Zamboni is sort of a fish out of water, an earthling who finds himself in this strange world. Yeah, what I really wanted to explore in this book was the way that a person who is unaccustomed to a culture has to experience that culture.

So you experience that culture through a fresh set of eyes. And I sort of flip the normal paradigm with that of like, it turns out that he's right to judge their culture because it's kind of a terrible culture. So, and that culture is sort of a commentary on our modern Western culture and all of kind of like America. So it's not really about like punchinging down. It's about punching up

to kind of look at ourselves by putting this veneer over the The alien race sure I'm so sorry. Could you excuse my partner and I for just a moment? Sure Is that what is that watermelon seltzer on its way? It's not it's coming. I think it's coming for sure. Yeah, um Can I just say we've been talking about this all week. I've been so excited for him to come in Yeah, love the book. Yes excited about the book. Yes possibilities of it. Mm-hmm

When I hear him explain what's about I'm starting to hate it Yeah, my eyes glazed over like a shark and I was thinking about everything else in the world except for his book Yeah, it's like there's something about him. I hate so much. It's making me. Yes. I already love which is this book Yes, I almost punched him. Is that crazy? I almost punched him too. I Think that we were both thinking the same thing at the same time. That is I mean, that's why we're so was the wrong thing To do not to do it. I think we should have punched him, you know, but the moment is past the moments past we can feel Inauthentic. Yeah, okay Yeah, let's see if maybe we can I don't know if he can sign over the rights or what we do

You know if we publish it and just not would it be put him on to have him murdered or something? I just worried that he's I just think this book is so great Yeah, he's gonna spoil if he's can spoil it for us. He'll spoil it for the world. Yes. Yes I mean murder equals money, you know, look at Capote and in cold blood. He that's true He famously did that murder and then wrote about it. It's right. Yeah, everything I mean, I only I know I haven't read the book, but I think everything you're saying is right. Yeah. Yeah, okay. He's Staring at us so we should Okay, so yeah, we were chatting great

We absolutely love the book. Thank you love the book love the book We love the aliens with veneers or whatever you said, but we we want to know how attached are you to? Ownership to claiming that you wrote this. Oh but we want to know how attached are you to ownership, to claiming that you wrote this? Oh, well, I definitely want to get credit. I'd love to see it published. And I actually came here today because I thought you were excited about publishing it. And I have some other book ideas

if you'd like to hear them. Oh, for shit, Dave. They're gonna sound- Holy, I want to punch the- Oh, okay. Is everything all sound... I wanna punch them. Okay. Is everything alright? No it's fine. We just um you know we just have to look at all angles of this and it sounds like you know you said that this book is reflective of like sort of occidental current events so we just... What's going on? I'm sort of parched.

Is anyone working on that watermelon seltzer? Oh, your lips are sticking to the top of your gums. I'm sorry? So let's get you that punch that watermelon punch. Yeah, let's get that punch. Oh, no, no, no Know who I am punch. I can't have that much sugar. I'll be up all night How old are you? I am 34 years old. Okay. I'm a lot older. I don't drink I don't drink processed sugars do you own a TV I own a small portable black and white TV that I

occasionally watch the news on Isn't that hard to do? Yeah, that's why I read. So say your family was a story, is there anyone in the story of your family that would like come like come looking for like like if something were to happen in your life? Well I'm sort of uh thank you date. I'm sort of between relationships right now is how I'd categorize it my family, uh all died in a fire when I was uh, three months old Oh, i'm, sorry No, it's okay. I the great thing is I never knew him. I don't really miss him, you know

And so I felt a little bit like mr. Zamboni You know, and so I felt a little bit like Mr. Zamboni Growing up in this world, you know sort of a fish out of water who had to experience things Sure. Sure. Sure. Don't talk about mr. Zamboni, please Obsessing because I love mr. Zamboni He's sort of like just a veiled version of me Okay, let's not You and you think that that dials zip zip zip. Okay, let's not Let's not ever say that again if we can avoid it. Can I ask? I don't know if this is too personal where

Where were you when the fire killed your parents? Well, I was three months old But that's not a place Right, right. Well, I didn't ask where were you in your life. Well, you know, I was young, but I was thinking a lot about the world and kind of becoming accustomed to how my feet and arms worked. So I was spending some time in Tibet then. With my grand-

Every three month old. Yes, with my paternal grandmother's good friend. Just say grandma's. No, it was a good friend. All my family died in that fire. Oh, all your family? Yeah, all of them. Seems like a... They were at a family reunion. It was a barbecue, it was a cookout.

And someone mailed them a series of fireworks that churned into shit and it killed the caught on fire and killed them all. I'm so sorry I read about that I remember years ago seeing that in the papers as a high schooler and I I remember SNL did a really, really funny sketch about it and I'm so sorry that that went viral. Well, like I said, I was so young, it doesn't really affect me emotionally. But yeah, that fireworks poison,

I thought was pretty funny. I mean, Rachel Dratch. Great, now he's ruining the sketch for me. I love that sketch so much Scene Can I say Before I forget. Yeah when that scene started I was practically clutching my chair because you know, you guys were starting about talking about this science fiction thing and my instinct was

to immediately be like We want you to add tits to this book Not because that's inherently what the scene is that weird thing where we established this pattern then we talked about the pattern Yeah, it was like well, let's do something different But it struck me that it would be just very funny to just immediately railroad it in that direction But I can the plan worse. I didn't do that. That would have been very good I think it all worked out and it all worked out. Yeah Hello ladies and germs boys and girls the Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with tis the Grinch holiday podcast

Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with his The Grinch Holiday Podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch

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And the it all worked out yeah, we got a call back to Fireworks shooting shit or whatever. That's what the pros do. This is fun. We should do this more often Yes, and we could even do some world news where we bring in some news articles of today's hard-hitting stories And we could even do some world news where we bring in some news articles of today's hard-hitting stories The world's news, oh This will this episode will come out not to date it again But about probably a month after this happens, but there's an upcoming world news tonight Reunion show that's like the 21st anniversary of the show.

And I'm, I've done that show in a long time. I'm a little nervous about it. It seems like a little, I don't know, there's always terrible stuff in the news and we always somehow did it, but it seems like the news is harder to do now. It's always funny over the years. And you guys were in the show longer than I've been.

But it's always funny and interesting and hard when you pull, because the audience, if people who are listening don't know, the premise of World News Tonight is the audience gets on stage before the show starts, and they cut out news articles that pique their interest, and they pin them to a cork board. And then eventually we, the cast, take the stage. We rip down pin them to a cork board and then eventually we the cast take The stage we rip down those articles read them aloud and then do scenes inspired by them so often

There's articles They're just awful like the worst thing you can imagine and when you're grabbing an article sometimes you're not looking you're just editing And you grab an article, and then you start to read it in the audience goes Oh, like they will groan and it's's a thing of like, you did this. And it's such a, it is sort of a Houdini trick of like, how do we get out of this kind of thing? So there is, there can be a joy to figuring out a way to do comedy out of the scene and not touch on the things

we don't want to touch on. But it is always frustrating to be like, you caused this and then you're like groaning at what you did. It's just, it's, it's an apt metaphor for the. And that sort of reminds me what is so fun about that show is that magic trick of like, what, what detail are we picking up on? The audience is like, Oh, this is a terrible article about a tragedy of some kind.

And instead we're like, okay, let's break it down into its component pieces maybe, and like examine one of those things. And it's better and more palatable. And sometimes we dealt with hard stuff, but you know, it's about, it's about really truly using his inspiration. So that's, that's fun. One thing I always appreciated, I feel like I really came came like learned from doing world news for such a long time I mean, there's an endless number of things I learned from doing real things for a long time

but I really appreciate how it gave me a skill to kind of go into dicey subject matter and Sort of one Pick an approach like there, pick an approach, like there's always an approach to it that is more respectful. Yeah. But most importantly to like,

not abandon my moral compass, right? Because of the premise of a joke, right? To, but like, that doesn't mean you play yourself or anything like that, but like, to go into circumstances and I always felt, especially, and that cast was so great, performing with everybody, but I also often think of performing with Jordan, performing with Steve Waltine,

these people who will have a take, and it's never this thing where you sometimes experience with a less experienced improv group, maybe when you're coming up, where you're sort of like, we all are very good intentioned, but how have we, we're suddenly tiptoeing into this thing that I find morally objectionable I'm not on purpose like trying to do satire about something or like let's do a Scene about how racism is bad and then halfway through you're like, I think this is starting to become a little bit racist

But we're all yes ending ourselves into this terrible place and and I feel like doing World news really helped me kind of hold on to what was important for myself and not sell that out In a scene for laughs. Yeah, I'm not never perfectly but like but it helped for sure Yeah, I yeah, it was just like Yeah, and it was like it felt like a great group of people that you all, everyone brought something to the table, but everyone brought something different that made it really special.

I was thinking we should do one more scene, but then I forgot how I was gonna start it, so. Well, everyone brought something to the table. Everyone brought something special. Let's go around and let's Let's say what dish we made. I'll start I guess since I brought it up the sort of Blue crock-pot down towards the middle there. Oh, that is my famous ambrosia salad now I know a few people when I was putting it out and uncovering it didn't know what ambrosia salad is

It is diced apples marshmallow maraschino cherry and orange peeled oranges, so that's what I brought that's that is Stephen's dish so Thank You Stephen Thanks, Stephen. It sounds delicious But why did you put it in a crock pot if it wasn't cooked? This is my year of no dishes. I'm not doing dishes. Okay.

So I'm trying to get creative. That's smart. Well, I guess I can go next. I think everyone knows me, but I'm Amber. Hi, Amber. Hi, Amber. Hi, Stephen. I think everyone knows me, but I'm Amber and Hi, Amber. Hi, Amber. Hi Stephen. Hi everyone. I brought my famous Potatoes au gratin. That's right. Oh, you looked at a little note card. Yeah. Well, I I was I love making this dish

I love eating it. It's so rich and decadent and cheesy, creamy, but you know, I feel like a fool. But sometimes I don't say the word right. Oh, how do you? If I don't look at the card and say potatoes au gratin, it'll come out weird. And then I'll feel like a fool. Do you have it spelled phonetically or how do you manage that? Yeah, I had Phoebe come over and spell it for me and put it on this card so it's Phoe-phoe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe-phe So interesting. Her stories are wild. Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, that's it for me, Amber. Thank you everyone. Great, I guess I'll go next. Hi everybody. Hi. I brought napkins and a two liter. Could you do your name? What's that? I know there's three of us. We all know sorry just Gordon Gordon Hi, I'm Gordon. Hi Gordon. I brought napkins and

most of a two-liter of Dr. Pepper and cups Okay, I just I don't really cook and also You know, you always need these things. So how much dr. Pepper do you think is left? I would say a liter and a half Okay, just eyeball it although. It's tough right because the top is you know it's never exactly what you think yeah, yeah It's not a perfect big cylinder It looks um I'm just eyeballing it, but it does look flat.

It might be a little flat. It has been in my refrigerator for a couple of days. Okay. I got it for this specifically. Yeah. But then I forgot and I did pour myself a glass a couple of days ago pour didn't drink directly out of the two liter And then I put it back in but I sealed it as tight as I could I thought maybe that would save the carbonation

But maybe maybe didn't do a great job Thank you. Thank you. Also. I'm studying a lot about heroin still Thank you. Thank you. Also, I'm thinking a lot about heroin still Just wanted to say I just felt like I should say that no I haven't done it but I'm still just thinking I know we're doing this part. I know we're doing this part of the meeting right now Yeah, but I just and I don't want to jump past this part to the other part, but no no well That's why for this You know our groups Thanksgiving That's why we didn't have any cold turkeys, because we felt like that was kind of

spinning in the face of the goal here of everyone's progress. It's a real trigger. So it feels like that's why I bring horseradish. You are going to bring horseradish. Well, I had a big tub of horseradish. Let's just call it a big tub of horseradish. Can we just say H radish? We're this is Sorry kind of productive so

Yes, thank you all for for being here and I feel like this is the same reason I had to have my basketball court removed You can play mouse. There's other there's other types of basketball games. You can play. I just hired a bulldozer Huh? I guess I could have just you know, taking it down. I just bulldozed the entire driveway Sometimes a clean slate is the best slate. So let's not yeah, let's not Be too harsh on ourselves. There's no need. No, that's a funny movie Clean slate clean slate. Is it? Is that I thought so. Oh car V oh yeah mmm I love when he does Biden or Dennis Miller or Johnny Carson oh yeah he did a really

funny Johnny Johnny Carson I remember that yeah is there a younger group I could be a part of I'm sorry I'm because I'm so sorry and maybe this isn't the right time I've just been you guys have been great it's been very supportive I just wonder if there is a younger meeting I could be going to that is maybe a little less potluck and no we don't say potluck, you can say P-luck. P-luck sorry sorry. Thank you just want to avoid that. Well I know we just have a couple of sides and some Dr. Pepper, but I wanna say that I am- And napkins.

And napkins, and I just wanted to say I am thankful for the two of you, Gordon and Stephen. And I find that this time of year can be difficult because family events can make you really stressed out so I don't go see my family anymore because then I want to do H so I don't do H anymore that's the reason I don't thankful yeah Amber thank you for sharing and that's and just to to piggyback on that that's why I don't drive on Lakeshore Drive because it reminds me of my addiction the trippy weirdness that I went through every day of my life to sort of you know escape my situation so and that and I'm sorry if I

kind of reacted poorly when you guys were talking about SNL. I don't like to watch SNL because of Molly Shannon. Gordon, please. No, that's fine. He didn't mean to. And you know, SNL, they have their moments.

Of course we all remember Rachel Dratch during the shit fireworks explosion sketch. We all love that Dratch, you know during the shit fireworks explosion sketch We all love that. So funny. So funny. So funny. Maybe the best of all time. Yeah, I've seen it on tik-tok Wow, you are young Yeah, can't you tell and I'm pretty authentically young seeming right? Yeah. Oh my gosh, you could teach us about tik-tok Please go ahead Explain it all to us. How much detail from like one to 100,

how much detail do you want? Would you want about as much detail as explaining a dildo or less than that? Well, I mean, should we just give you like a baseline of our current understanding? Yes, please. Don't say baseline. Sorry, I assume it's a clock-themed application for your computer.

No, none of those words. I assume it's an app that times you and how long it takes for you to sort of do a dance. Well, OK. It's fun. I guess closer. No, it's a social media platform. You're looking at note cards. That, you know, is currently in the process of being banned by the US government.

You just watch short videos of people. You know, it used to be mostly dancing and... But there's a lot of other things. What kind of things? Like... Songs and poems? Literature? Sci-fi? Fantasy?

Cromcom. Com-rom? Mm-hmm. Dramaties? Mm-hmm. Crom-com-carama? Bromances? Mm-hmm. Carama? Bromances? Mm-hmm. Did you say bromances, Amber?

Yeah. I love a bromance movie. Mm-hmm. They're so funny. They're so funny. Oh, they're so funny. When two guys, you know... And to be clear, there is not another meeting I could be going to?

I don't think so No, it's a pretty small town. We are in Davao, Ohio and as you know the population is unfortunately 69 What is it? Sorry, no no sorry. He said nice for some reason. Well, this is a nice number. Go on. Oh, I, you know, thank you for reading your note cards about TikTok to us.

That really helped me a lot. It sounds like a fun place to go and learn about dances and maybe even get some recipes for things like po, Tattozo, Grayton. Oh, damn it. Sweetie, use the note cards if you needatin. Oh, damn it. Sweetie, use the note cards if you need to. Sorry.

And I want to applaud us all for not using M rooms in any of our dishes. I think that was, again, just really tactful and tasteful of everyone. So let's dig in. We have potatoes au gratin, ambrosia salad, and Dr. Pepper. Yeah, I'm sorry about the Dr. Pepper. I really prefer diet coke, but I figured that was no go. Here, let me rub some of this ambrosia salad over my tits. Amber, we were all thinking it.

Now, Matt, having Matt having performed with you for a long time and yes of Warcraft and everything else, the way you end both scenes is by rubbing something on your tits. Yeah, that's my go-to. I think about half of the Magic Tavern episodes end like that, right? Yeah, I haven't cut most of those out. No, we edited it before Yusador rubbed something on his tits. How about this? That's a shame. After the credits for this, we'll have a supercut of all the times Ysador

ended an episode saying they were going to rub things on their tits. Wow, Arnie, a supercut. That implies at least 20. Well, I mean, here's the thing. We could do 20 or we could have it for all 400 episodes. It hurt to do it once in this episode already, I'm gonna be honest, but I had to call back Arnie's non-callback. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, from myself, Arnie and old ambrosia tits, we thank you for subscribing to the Patreon. Yeah. Yeah, and if we do this again, maybe it will be less dirty. Maybe it'll be more dirty. And maybe we'll ask you all for some suggestions of scenes you might want to see or locales You might want to see some on a scale of one to 100 Tell us how dirty you wanted the next one to be Arnie are all your scales one to 100 one to 100 This is fascinating

How how granular doesn't need to be Fascinating. There's no. How granular does it need to be? What's the difference between an 83 and an 86? I just did the first scene as one to 100 because I thought that was funny, but then every time afterwards had to be one to 100, basically. Pretty great.

Pretty great. Cause I love, it's like, I don't know, like a 72 and it's like, ooh boy, how does that differ from a 70? I know, it's terrible. Well, you two guys are the seventh. I know it's terrible. Well you two guys are the best. This was fun and hopefully we'll do it again soon. Bye everyone! Bye! Ysidor, what are you doing? You can't grab that cream pie. I literally just stopped recording. Nooooo!

Abrupt ending. No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart.

Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. F Allard LeBond, themed by Matt Young. Remember earlier when I suggested that you check out that Patreon page? Well, if you didn't already, you could become a patron and support the show for a measly five bucks per month, baby. Wouldn't that make you feel good? And if that good feeling of supporting

an independently produced podcast isn't enough, your patronage entitles you to some pretty great benefits, including two new bonus episodes each month, a monthly newsletter from the hosts, access to the Magic Tavern Discord, the full back catalogue of bonus content and ad-free versions of the main show. Learn more at patreon.com slash magic tavern. Stay loose, kiddies. I'll have another sweet release for you in a few weeks. Ciao! I'm Tristan Redman and as a journalist, I've never believed in ghosts.

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