Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Earth Comics - Garfield

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! In this episode, Arnie introduces Chunt and Usidore to one of Earth's greatest comic strips, Garfield.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Matt YoungPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgi and Arnie NiekampMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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collide in a game of life and death. Hey everybody, it's me! Craig! It's the holiday season! And you know what that means? Ununlocked Patreon episode while the regular show was on break this week. But wait a minute, Craig doesn't sneak those episodes into the main feed for you. No, no, no. That's a job for bootleg, Craig's pirate Patreon radio.

Oh ho ho, my little darlings! I got a doozy for you today and it it's an episode of Earth Comics, all about Garfield. Now you could have heard this episode a while back, if you back our Patreon over at patreon.com slash magic tavern. The Magic Tavern Patreon has a ton to offer fans, like ad free versions of the main show, two brand new bonus episodes a month, early access to purchasing live show tickets, and more. So flip your ears to the on position, and if you dig the sounds I'm blasting at you,

stay tuned to learn how you can join the Patreon to support the show and hear great transmissions like this all the time. Keep rocking, babies! ["B Hey folks, Craig and PV3 here. And we're serving up another great bonus transmission. This week Arnie introduces Chant and Usador to Garfield. Imagine getting to discover Garfield again for the first time.

Who's Garfield? Everyone's a favorite lasagna loving cat, are you serious? Oh man, buckle in PV33 you are in for a ride. Patreon motherfuckers. Hey guys, I'm excited to do another Patreon bonus episode. Arnie, I can't tell you what a treat in a delight. It is to record with a peach like you. You're just a little peach cobbler.

Thank you buddy, why are you in such a good mood? I ate some peach cobbler. Oh, I see, I see. Chant, yeah? We probably won't go into talk about it. Oh, I mean, I just planted a tree giving back to the land of food feels good. Hold on, I wasn't entirely paying attention, so I don't know what Yusidor said. But your tone changed dramatically just a second, I go, what's going on, Chunt?

Uh, nothing, hey Arnie, remember, remember how you said your biggest goal ever on Earth was to share a slice of cheesecake with Maria Manudas? Sure, yeah. Let's talk about that. Okay. Remind me, I know I told you a very elaborate scenario of how that would go. What was it again?

This is a test to see if you get it right. You're at the top of the Empire State Building. Yes. She, and I don't understand all these terms, but you just left a movie theater to go to the top of the Empire State Building. Yes, and I don't understand all these terms, but you just left a movie theater to go to the top of the Empire State Building. She crawls out of the screen. Why wait, hold on, what was the movie?

Scream, the new screen. Okay, okay. You said there's always a new screen. She crawls out of the screen, pre-movie. The screen screen? The screen screen. And she meets you on top of the Empire State Building. Now, a slice of cheesecake is awaiting you on the point.

So you both have to climb the needle, go up to the cheesecake. You start it when in, she starts it together, you fall off and die, and then she ascends to heaven. Oh yeah. Such a fantasy. And the whole time she's dressed like a Harley Quinn Yeah, because here's the thing and it's just me calm the old fashion I like it when someone dresses up as something that too many people dress up as oh

Like a like a Deadpool or a Rick Sanchez wait you can kill a pool? Yes, I've had a very curious. How do you kill a large amount of water? I don't know, break the fourth wall. Huh, huh. Something I would never do, dear listener. So follow up question, I remember, this is still a test. Who did I tell you this person is again? You told me that Maria Manudos is famous for telling people

she is Maria Manudos. Okay. And that's all she's known for. She's known for saying her name. Okay. But she says it in situations where everyone must sit and watch a screen for some reason. Okay. No further questions. You said, what the fuck is up with you?

Oh, I'm doing wonderfully. I certainly haven't had any peach cobbler today. You said, oh, I said I didn't have. I completely't had any peach cobbler today. Me, me, me. You said, or? No, I said I didn't have. I completely forgot about that peach cobbler thing, but now I'm reminded of it. Ah, well, there's nothing to think about here. I just think about the time.

Oh, think about the time you told us about for Ronna Kamaas. Okay, that's something I definitely remember a lot about. In truth, I really do, since you remember a lot about it, but still use it or this is a test. What are all the things I told you about Veronica Mars? Did you remember them? You said the first season was underrated

and that it gets better in the second season. I say that about every TV show. Yes, well, that's true. Justified. Flush. You said that you said that. Angel, her father, the vampire slayer. I true.

You said that she was her father was played by your favorite actor. What's that? You said her father was played by your favorite actor? Was it was a Josh Brolin? I can't keep them all straight. Oh, I remember something. Mm-hmm. You said about her father You said somebody just shot him David's fade perhaps You're remembering

That I told you that David'sade is the father in Veronica Mars. I can't put the pieces together. It's just out of my mental press. Sean, I told you so much about this show. Yeah. And you would think that a show that has the dignity and respect to have a main villain character in one of the seasons played by Steve Gutenberg would stoop as low as to have David spade in it at all

slash actually play Keith Mars. Already you have to understand that for you, Stormi, a lot of what you say is just gibberish that we repeat. Okay, I don't know how many of these things connect. I don't know if I'm saying things correctly. It's not like the things that we say that are very grounded in reality That's true. Well, you know what? That's a good point guys. Let me pull this big big box over I can't be expected to remember everything about Veronica Mars' closet. No, that's I know that you liked Kirsty What was her last name? Kirstie Alley was on the show Veronica's closet.

Veronica Mars is closet. And look, here's the thing, David Spade was not on the show Veronica's closet, because would a show that had one of the main characters played by Dan Cortez of MTV Sports, stoop as low as having David Spade be in it. Although, to be honest, if I were a betting man, I would bet money David Spade probably appeared on that show at some point.

I understood nothing after the word Dan. I didn't either. I just started talking and vague memory started falling on my mouth. Dan Cortes, I want to say something, something rock and jock. Mm-hmm. Celebrity's playing softball. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Well, celebrity's is a loose term, I guess, from what my brain is telling me. Anyway, Arnie, what are we, surely we're not doing this today. What are we doing for today's episode? We could, though. We could just keep doing this. But we don't want to. Okay, so also one last thing.

Yes. Gotta say, first season of Varragus Closet, not great, but it gets better in season two. Look, I have this giant box. What is Play-Dose Clause? I think it's a reselling stuff, but it could be a sex thing. What is Phyleens basement?

That is definitely a sex thing. What is Neiman's Marcus? What is Neiman's Marcus? Yeah. Huh, that's a good question. Could Neiman make a Marcus? Never mind. Look, maybe Neiman is a seamen that comes out of your knee.

Ooh. Is that something? Arniexbound. Who's gonna clean up all this Neiman? Well, I suppose that's enough Earth stuff for now. Let's talk about spells. I was just gonna bask in me saying that for a little while. We noticed.

Yeah, let's talk about, so I'm assuming today's Patreon is about spells. So you said, or for people at home, for our patrons, let people know what they can do with their fingers when casting a spell. Well, excellent, Chunt. I think that's a great point. What I like to do is I like to put my hands in front of me and spread my fingers as far apart as I can. That way all the mystical energies can begin to spark

and jump, but twist them. Rony, did you just fall asleep? Did you just have a pin your mouth and you fell asleep and the pin fell out? Arnie, you were trying to teach spells to earth people, finally. I'm so sorry, I had a quill in my mouth because I've decided I'm gonna start taking notes

during these Patreon motherfucker episodes. Good. And I accidentally flung the quill for realsies onto this, this, here table. What's on your kind of paper? It's just this Maria Manudos over and over and then at some point it switches to Arnie Manudos. Yes.

Ah, Maria Manudos. No, well now to be fair, those two notes are completely unrelated because Arnie Manudos is about how I'm eventually going to join the boy band Manudo. Wait, there's less of you if you join the band? I mean, probably. There have to be a lot less of me for them to accept me into the band.

Or any what's in this big fucking box? Okay, this big fucking box, I'm just gonna shove more useless pop culture into your brains because on my world, as a kid growing up, I'd just love to read the comic strips in the newspaper. I'm not gonna explain what a newspaper is or exactly what a comic strip is, but look at this book. We are going to introduce you to Garfield, the most

hilarious cat on earth. And he's going to strip for us? Well, yes, we are reading Garfield takes the cake, his fifth collection of his books. Yes, it says right at the bottom, his fifth book. Hmm. Why are we starting with his fifth book? Look, there are hundreds of these. I'm not going to understand what's going on. You're telling me, this orange goofy-looking motherfucker has five books.

This is barely the beginning. There are probably like 70 of these. Okay, so I'm looking at the cover of this book, aren't you? And Garfield seems to be talking, but it's a thought bubble. Mm-hmm. What? What is happening? Are we supposed to be able to see that?

Is it a thought or is it speech? That's a very good question. I mean, that's the central mystery of Garfield because he only communicates in thought bubbles, but do other people hear it? Does his owner hear it? Okay, also on the cover of this book, Garfield takes the cake. He's jumping out of the cake.

So you're telling me this cat sat inside an oven and was baked alive? Well, to be fair, we don't know for a fact that he's jumping out of the cake. You know, he's just like half in a cake. It's possible. He could have jumped into the cake. Yeah, first. There could be a sex thing, you never know.

That would be my guess. All right. But to be clear, we're all in agreement. He's not taking the cake. No, yeah, no, it's a filing basement thing. He's either wearing it or he was baked inside. Is this another one of those instances where they started with the fifth one

and then 20 years later they go back and they do one through four? It's possible. It's possible. Then it's fine that we start here, I suppose. Look, we can't start with the first Garfield book because he looks so dramatically different at the beginning. Like there was a short period of time

where Garfield was like grotesque-looking, and then Jim Davis, the creator of Garfield, kind of sort of figured it out. Point of order. Yes. You think that this creature on the front of this book is not grotesque-looking? This is adorable.

What about you talking about? You can pause cat on a coffee mug. That's a cat? That is a cat! Uh, it's not a cat I've seen before. That looks like a fucking doctor, my dude. Look at where its mouth is compared to its nose. Yeah, and its stripes are barely reaching its ribs.

Well, sure. The stri- yeah, I guess so. What else? No eyelids, no teeth. Um, I call a photo veterinarian to help this poor cat. Here's the thing, on the cover of these books, Garfield is often smiling. Inside though, he's not a smiley cat. He's a grumpy cat.

Hey Arnie, seeing as this book is called Garfield takes the cake and Garfield is inside of a cake. Is this tough to look at because of your day dream about Maria Manudo's and splitting a cheesecake? Oh, that's true. Gosh, subconsciously I must have picked his fifth book because of this cake. or daydream about Maria Manudev's and splitting a cheesecake? Oh, that's true. Gosh. Subconsciously, I must have picked his fifth book because of this cake.

Yeah. And how much I'm struggling with this fantasy of Maria Manumama. Well, let's open up. This person I'm very obsessed with. Let's open the book. It's not very useful. Yes, they want to publishing material.

Garfield eating tips. Let's take turns reading these. I'll start number one, never eat anything that's on fire. I can't fucking tell, do you? Disagree. Okay, I'll do number two, never leave your food dish under a bird cage. Disagree. Is that a poop thing?

Shit and stuff. Yeah. Only play in your food if you've already eaten your toys. That seems like he used to remove. Number four. Eat every meal as though it was your last. Sounds like a threat. Number five.

Only snack between meals. Okay. I think he's being sarcastic. Chew your food at least once. Number 7. Never put off till tomorrow what you can eat today. Is this good? Hmm. You mean, wait, hold on.

You mean this book or this episode? Uh, a little from Colin B. This book vis-a-vis this episode. Number 8. Always dress up your leftovers. One clever way is with top hats and canes. Yeah, I don't think this is good, Arnie. Yeah, so far this is, look, look, there are only two things left on this list. And I know there are some people that will

need completion. And so they'll be frustrated that we don't read the last two. I feel that the last two are going to bring it home. I've changed my mind. No, I'm going to be a fresh tip. I'm going to be a fresh tip. Oh. Is this humor for people that just got out of comas? Pretty much. Or for small children who don't know what humor is. Oh, I see.

Or for very old people who, I don't know, either never figured out what humor was or kind of slowly regressed to forgetting what humor is. What's wrong with that other cat, with the very long neck? Okay, now we're getting into the actual comic strips. In this first one, Garfield is got a shitting smirk on his face. And he's carrying his teddy bear that I believe its name is Pookie. And he's sneaking up on Odie, who is a dog, who's just a dumb fucker, who's like, really tall and skinny, and here's the thing, Odie's is a dog who's just a dumb fucker who's like really tall and skinny and here's

the thing Odie's grotesque and Odie's just like staring off into space panting. Garfield sets down Pookie gives Pookie a kiss and then stomps on Odie and it just says stomps, stomps, stomps, stomps, stomps, Odie looks deflated. He killed that dog. That is the whole stride. Arnie, I have to ask, does Odie stand for original dog? Is this the original dog that gave birth to all subsequent dogs? Um, I mean, I mean there were dogs before that. I mean, I would have to guess Marmaduc predates Odie. Now you said that's the end of it, but I see three more things happening on the same page. Well, yes. So here's the thing. You would read this in the newspaper, and that would be all the

Garfield you'd get for the day. See in the little corner, it says 11-3. Oh, I thought that was the score. So you thought it was Garfield 11-Odie-3? Yeah, because Garfield killed that dog. Hmm, okay, you bring up a good point, and thank God I've got this quill. We've gotta keep score during this. Okay, so... And Odys dead, that's a Wad, under Odys dead. I guess we'll never see him again.

Well, I was just gonna say Garfield 1, OD0. Okay, fair enough. No, Garfield 1, OD 0. Okay, fair enough. No, Garfield 1, OD lost. Oh, okay. There we go. That's how I keep score. So you would read that comic that day, and then you'd have to read the whole rest

of the newspaper and the news and stuff. Wait, who next? You have to read the comic? Like they force you to? I mean, if you're a kid and you're bored and it's the 80s, and there's not much else, so this is torture. Also, isn't that dog's name Jim Davis? Yeah, it says Jim Davis was a Jim Davis dog.

Yeah, right underneath it. I guess it does say Jim Davis right under Odie, and that could be confusing. Jim Davis is the artist who created Garfield and Boogie and Odie. All right, I'm just saying where I come from. If a cat stomps a dog like that, it is going to jail. Yeah, I do. I do. I do.

I am to say I'm generally Garfield positive from childhood nostalgia. This is a bad one. This is bad. Okay, well, so there's a second line you're saying, that's a separate thing that you would have seen on a separate day Yes, but in this book they decided to put it all on one page So the next day you're like what's next for Garfield and why don't you describe this one?

Make hold on before we get to that. I'm happy to do so. I would like to understand why the publishers of this tome Didn't put each day's strip on its own page I mean or at least to linear in some way that there's a difference between the two strips here for I looked at this And I what it looks like to me is as you said Garfield walks up with his His pet there. He sets it down and gives it a kiss. Then he stumps on Odie, and then he decides to pick his pet back up, and he says, Bath time Pookie, he puts the pet in the bath. He washes the pet, submerging it completely. Maybe he's tried to drown it since we already know him to be a murderous sword. He whistles a musical note.

And he whistles one single musical note. Just a ray, not a dough or a me. And then he pulls the pet out and it's small. Oh, it's smaller? I thought it gave birth. Oh, maybe it gave birth. Oh, it's like a water birth. Yeah. So this is comedy.

The Garfield is shocked. His eyes are bulging out. Maybe he's like, I didn't know Pookie was pregnant. Okay, Arnie, hypothetical. I come with you to Earth one time. We're having a good time. We're eating cheesecake with Maria Munoz. Eventually, I get on stage in front of,

what I assume is thousands of people. What I do on stage is I walk out to Thunder Supplies. I kiss a tiny bear and then I kill a dog. You're telling me if I do that? I will get a book deal? For at least five books? I guess I will look. Let's move for another page. Let's see the next day. Oh, why don't you describe this one? Okay, I don't want to,

but what I'm seeing here is, okay, so it's three little boxes. And the first box, this fucking cat is, I assume jumping, and there's a man who kind of looks like you, Arnie, I'm not gonna lie, kind of like you. Kind of like you. What, that's the worst thing you've ever said to me. Honestly, at this point, I don't even know who's who.

I already see that. Which one's Arnie? I'm the one that's not in the book. Okay, okay, yeah, just keep talking it. I'll keep it straight. So Garfield, I assume is jumping all those things. You want me to keep talking? That's a little quite right.

And then this Arnie II guy is staring at him. And then in the next box, the guy is still staring at the cat's ass hole as he jumps by him. And then in the third box, the guy is screaming in a manner and in a volume you could not believe. And he's holding a paintbrush and he says, and he's screaming the name Garfield. Yes. It was crazy to think this is the fifth book of this? Like, so far these comics are like, you would imagine the first things you would have

like, I don't really have any ideas for comic strips yet. Where are they? They don't appear to be anywhere. They are in Jim Arbuckle's house. You're right, in the background, it's just a swath of mint green, basically. You know, here's the thing, and this is probably more information than you or anyone else wants.

I believe these were black and white originally. We are now reading them in a book that has colorized them for some reason. I gotta be honest, I don't think that makes a lick of difference. Can we back up a page? I think so. Wait, do you wanna go back to the first bit? Yes, I don't think that makes a lick of difference. Can we back up a page? I think Wait, do you want to go back to the first bit? Yes, I would like to go back a page already

Can I just say so far we have looked at three of these comics three and there's one word that's been said and it's Garfield being screamed Oh, I guess Garfield thinks bath time but Is this silent comedy was this before? It was this before people could talk in comedy? I guess so. I mean, look, one of these days we're going to do an Earth Comics where we read Kathy, and I'm telling you, it's going to be a wall of text, but for now, we're... it's the silent stylings of Garfield. On the subsequent page, you pointed out that

uh, the walls were mint green, but on this previous page, the wall is pink, then it's blue, then it's pink again. But then it's sort of a seafoam, kind of a maw, I guess, maybe a salmon, and then sort of seafoam again. Are the walls in this person's house, you called it an art buckle? A gym art buckle, I think.

And so gym art buckle? A gym art buckle, I think. And so, gym art buckle has a house which walls that shift colors. Or maybe he can control colors. Is Garfield magic? Do they control colors? I would have to imagine Garfield has some amount of magic. It's also possible.

Here we go. It's also possible in this comic, the colors are meant to represent Garfield's inner turmoil What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know. He's always there, Darni. He's always there. Look, we've got it. We've got to do some speed rounds Hold on Arnie. I know we have to do some speed rounds, but real quick. Let's slow things down for just a moment I took I took the liberty of taking your phone and searching for this Kathy you mentioned now already

I'm massively in love. This Kathy is incorrigible. I am currently working on a spec script. It's called Act to the Future. I hope you will help fund us. I could not be more delighted by this lady. Kathy is the love of my life. She is so freaking funny.

She's so flippin' insane. The thing she says are just out of this world. Kathy, Kathy, Kathy. I feel like we should switch to Kathy. I'll describe this next strip before we make that decision, Chant. But I'm inclined to agree with you. Garfield peeks around a corner, and there's a small helpless rabbit there. The next panel, his feline instincts kick in. He is a hunter. The rabbit is the prey.

He leaps his teeth a bed, and then in the next panel, Jack Fartbuckle says, Would you mind explaining yourself Garfield? And we see that this depraved lunatic has strapped to dead rabbits to his feet in an attempt to lure Gawfield into a trap. Funny! This is the first one I get. For a living man to put his feet into dead rabbits and then for the cat to bite into them, I think that's actually pretty funny. So now I'm on board.

Yes, and I honestly think there's no greater compliment to a comedic form of entertainment than to take a pause and then think funny. Yeah. And it's funny in this strip because it's very clear what's happening. Garfield thought it was a rabbit. So he bit into it. And what's what makes this comic so strong and makes me overall love Garfield is the fact that Jim says would you mind explaining yourself Garfield because it's so clear what's happening and yet Jim decides I'm sorry John that's John is that John Davis or Jim Marbuckle I think it's Jack

not buckle I don't know how you intuit it but I think it is actually John our buckle not Jim our buckle so why So why is John so confused? Would you mind explaining yourself Garfield? Clearly, a cat tried to eat prey. There's no further, this comic strip has been so devoid of language. And now suddenly, they cram a paragraph in when there's none necessary.

I love it. I'm on board. Let's go to the next page. Okay. One thing I want to point out, here's the thing about John Arbuckle. He's very simply drawn, but his face can communicate so much by merely changing how low his eyelids are.

That's pretty much all that will change on his face, whether his eyes are completely open and he's staring at disbelief or his lids are most of the way down and he's just like, Garfield what the fuck. Now Arnie I didn't want to bring this up but I am curious just because you seem to be a big fan. Both John and Garfield, their eyeballs are touching. That's how close together they are.

There's no skin, there's no bridge of a nose, there's nothing. The eyeballs are literally smacked up against each other rubbing up against each other. It's like a vendai, their eyeballs are like smacked up against each other, rubbing up against each other. It's like a vendiogram. There are also like a vendiogram. Kim. So on Earth, there's a comic art style. Okay. It's a certain way of drawing that's called cartoon titty eyes. And it's very famous.

And what you do is look, it's not realistic, but it's sort of emotionally true. Oh, oh, oh my God, this is Arnie. Yeah, you turn the page and the dog is, the dog is either back alive or it has a relative. That is Odie. Odie somehow survived that first run in with Garfield. So the dog is also a wizard. He's magical to some degree. I guess so. He just, he's sort of elastic. He bounces back quickly. I take issue with this next strip. So in this In this three panels

Garfield is eating what looks to be watermelon and Odys right next to him and then Garfield says to Oddie Oh, I'm sorry, Oddie. Would you like some melon too? And then in the third panel Oddie is eating some watermelon and Garfield has gone So I don't know. I don't know if this is fucking humor at all. I think this kind of fucking sucks, but I guess it's funny because the dog is also eating. I would say you've left out some important details, but I would like to take a moment and just imagine what the listener is trying to put together.

So Arnie, if you and I are sitting down on a table, hypothetically this table right here, this very table, and I order a round of mozzarella wands. And say, I'm fucking chowing down on these mozzarella wands. Like, I'm eating them like a duck with one fucking gulp. And you're right next to me. And then I say, Arnie, would you like some? And then cut to you eating one.

That's coming, and then you get a fucking five book deal? I guess so. Okay. The thing that I'm hoping the listener isn't doing is rushing out and buying Garfield's fifth book. The solve the stress. That's true. Take your time.

There's no rush. If you think buying this book is gonna make these better, it's not. I've gotta say, I grew up loving Garfield. I was excited about this. These are bad. Now, I'm having an existential crisis. I'm spiraling because I thought I knew what comedy was and I do not know.

Arne, you alluded to this earlier and Shantai must take umbrage with your description of the second panel where Garfield turns to Odie and thinks, according to Arne's description, this is a thought bubble and not a speech bubble. Oh, I'm sorry, Odie. Would you like some melon too? So, am I to believe that Odie responds to this thought? Are they psychic? Well, I think there might be a psychic connection between Garfield and Odie possibly,

but here's the thing. We don't know for a fact that Odie ever hears what Garfield says. So far we have no confirmation that anyone really understands Garfield and he's just not trapped in his own mind and no one ever hears his thoughts. So so far Odie has been unwavering, unblinking, not moving, he has not said a single word

or even thought a single word. So far we've seen six panels of Odie and he's only been killed in Fed watermelon. Well, here's the thing, it appears that a watermelon rind was shoved in Odie's mouth, forming a rictus of a smile. Yeah, I guess. That's the comedy of this one.

I guess I'll take your word for it. I guess I'll say this very funny. What are the odds that some smart ass upon your world has written a long epic poem called Odies Lament? I think the odds are good. Also speaking of odds, currently Garfield 2, Odies 0.

Oh no, I think I'm in trouble. No, no, sorry, I take Umbridge at that. How has Garfield scored a point here? By Schovaner Rind into Odies Malf, I mean, Odies looks dead. Odie looks perfectly content. Yeah, there's still some meat on that rind. He's smiling.

He's super happy. All right, fine. How about this? We'll say they both get a point here. I feel to Odie one. Fine. So Odie's on the board. Finally.

All right, here's the thing. Let's just, because I'm now thinking and I'm so worried, is Garfield bad. And I can, here's the thing. When you read comics as a child, let's just, because I'm now thinking and I'm so worried is Garfield bad. And I can, here's the thing, when you read comics as a child, it's all right if one day, two days, a whole week, a whole month, a comic strip, you read is bad, but it has to occasionally be kind of okay. So can we just try to go through these as fast as we can

until we find one that's halfway good? What do we think about that? Sure. I think we think about that? Sure. I think we're gonna be going for a long time. Okay, I'm gonna describe this next one. Garfield is drawing on the mirror for some reason, squeaks, squeaks, squeak.

He's drawn like a mustache and hair and a weird beard. He jumps off of the sink. He's very happy. And then John comes in and looks in the mirror and it looks like the drawing is on his face. He seems surprised as if he thinks that's his face. My vote is this is the most fucking thing I've ever seen in my life

and I wanted all to just fucking go away forever near to see the really bad. That's my own job. Yeah, so it really undercuts the intelligence of Jim Shadnokal. Okay, here's a big ol' Sunday spread. This one is, the whole page is one. Okay, I got this one.

What is going on on the top of this page? This is crazy Garfield year one. This, that is the old, like, original Garfield. Okay, so this is six little boxes, six panels. So, first one we have Odie and he's next to a, BolaFood, this is Odie. Garfield is way into distance. Next panel, Odie next to a BolaFood. Garfield's a little bit closer. Next panel, Odie and his next to bowl of food this is Odie Garfield is way in the distance next panel Odie next to a bowl of food Garfield's a little bit closer next panel Odie next to a bowl of food Garfield's a little bit closer

Next panel Odie's next to his food Garfield's pretty close next panel Odie is face down in his food because Garfield Wacked him in the back of the head sending him flying into his own food next panel last panel Odie is face down dead in his food. Garfield is walking away. How is this comedy? Garfield 3 Odie 1. I'm sure right.

I was just putting it down. This is murder. Hear me out. And this is going to sound crazy. I sort of think this is the first good one. Like I'm not saying it's great. What? I'm not saying it's great.

How dare you. But they're here. Is it possible that the true brilliance of Garfield and the fact that literally nothing is happening, you need six panels to appreciate how empty and pointless it is as opposed to three. Like the slow, slow, slow way the Garfield gets closer and closer, wax ody and then just starts to leave. I guess it kind of works for me a little bit.

Okay, I think I understand the Arnie. I think I'm getting it. So twice this cat has killed this dog. Once this cat has bit its owner in a very extreme manner, but they have not sold him, they have not gotten rid of him, they have not gotten, given him a way they have not put him down. So I think what's happening here is that this cat is a ghost. It's a ghost that does whatever it wants with no consequences and nobody can do anything about it. I think that's a good way to look at it. Garfield is a ghost. I said you've heard it here first. Garfield is a ghost. He suffers no consequences.

Where are they? They were nowhere. Perkertal. That was nowhere. There was no trees, no vegetation, nothing on the walls. If that was supposed to be a room. You're right. It is a big expanse of green. They're an avoid. They're in purgatory. I hate it. All right. I'll explain this one. Garfield's turning his head like, who's this? Behind him is a shriveled up testicle of an old cat. It's like a, it's like a, that's the ghost of Garfield. It does look like Garfield's desiccated corpse is looking at him, or like someone ate Garfield and then barfed him up.

And then Garfield overjoyed, says, Grandpa, and Grandpa starts to walk away and says, Stowe, it's sunny, where's the refrigerator? And Garfield does a kind of unhappy stare at the camera. That's it. I don't, I honestly don't know what to say anymore, Artie. I don't think I can do this anymore. I think, I think I just need to go away.

I think I just need to leave town. I'm gonna pack my stuff. I need to get away from here. I just need to clear my head because I don't, I don't think I know what comedy is anymore. I thought I understood what comedy was. I do not. So the next day they've become sort of a serialized story arc here with Grand Pa. Yeah, they've introduced the dynamic new character of Grand Pa. And Garfield thinks at his grandfather, it's great to see you, Grand Pa, why I'll bet you're still the best ratter in Middletown and not being able to hear his thoughts

in the second panel. Grandpa says I gave that up. Not being able to hear or understand what the grandfather has said then Garfield thinks why and then also not being able to hear or understanding of that. The grandfather thinks ever try to gum a rat? Okay, so he gave up eating rats because he can only gum them, which is inefficient. Yet, not three panels ago. He asked Garfield whether the refrigerator was clearly going to eat something. Huh? Am I losing my mind, Hardy? Am I crazy?

Listener, you must know, listener. Throughout this entire page of Garfield, Shunt has sincerely just had his head in his hands. I want to just point out that ever try to gum a rat does sound like something we would say on this show though. That is true. All right, I'm gonna try to blast us through this grandpa. To eat comedy is fucking two buttholes, right?

That's comedy. We haven't seen the buttholes yet. There might, there are probably at least two buttholes in each of these panels. Did the artist just give up at this point for the last four days now? There is no change to the artwork. Other than the color, the juice said it was originally published in black and white.

I will say, I am not exaggerating. I turned the page, look down, and was like, wait, did I not turn the page? The next day looks exactly the same as the day before. I'm going to blast through this page. Before you blast, Arnie, and this is something I've said several times. Before you blast. Uh-huh. So far, I could take every single line of dialogue from every thought bubble Garfield says,

and I could just replace it with, I'm a ghost. And these comics would be almost exactly the same. All right, well, we'll let the readers decide. I'm going to, uh, uh, grandpa, how well I remember the day you were born, sunny. Yes, sorry, you were five pound, six ounces of birth. That's big for a kitten. Uh, next panel, grandpa says, I was out of town at the time. The next panel Garfield says, then how do you remember it? And grandpa says, I heard the scream. That's that one. Okay. Arnie, let me redo this one. So it's Garfield and grandpa. How how do you remember it and Grandpa says I heard the scream that's that one okay Arnie let me redo this one so it's

Garfield and grandpa how well do you remember the day you were born sunny yes or you were five pound six ounces at birth that's big for a kid next panel grandpa still I was out of town at the time next panel Garfield finally speaks I'm a ghost grandpa I heard the scream that's pretty good better and my crazy all right let's try with this one first. First, Garfield says, tell me about my youth, Grandpa. Then, Grandpa says you were born in the kitchen of Mama Leoni's Italian restaurant. You froliced in the fetichini,

rolled in the ravioli, and ate all the lasagna in sight. Then Garfield says, I must have broken some eating records. And Grandpa says, not to mention a few health codes. some eating records and Grandpa says, not to mention a few health codes. What if, okay, I still believe if he only says, I'm a ghost, that's his only line, that's pretty funny. Maybe funnier is if Garfield is not even in any of these panels.

Okay, could you do Garfield but without him? Is that something? He knows what we should have done. We should do magic tavern without Garfield. That sounds good to me. Okay, next page. Next page. I'm tired. I think I'll turn in says Grandpa.

Garfield says, oh, come on, Grandpa, the night's still young, let's talk. Then Grandpa says, let me tell you about the flood of 42. And then Grandpa says, works every time because Garfield's asleep. Okay, so this is like five back-to-back grandpa panels. Was Grandpa that big of a fucking hit? Because I hate this cat.

I don't remember Grandpa, but you know, maybe I was too young now. Grandpa died before I started reading the comic. I guess they had to put forward a character that Garfield wouldn't kill because it's familial. Not yet anyway. The next one, John says, what the, I guess, and let's be honest, fair, surprised that an entire other cat is in his house. But then, John says. For days.

For days, it's true. He only just noticed several days later. John now is all smiley though, kind of hugging these two cats, saying, why, I'll bet you two are related, aren't you? What? I can see the family resemblance. And then, Grandpa grabs John around the neck,

threatens him with his other paw and says, take that back, you wall-eyed muck sucker. Okay, that's funny. I love Grandpa. Grandpa's the best care care ever created. Okay. Arnie Koehr. Take that back, you wall-eyed cock sucker.

Do you know what I mean? I hold on muck sucker, muck sucker. Both very good. All right, things are getting a little bit better. Guys, don't worry. We only have about 100 more pages. It's Sunday again. Garfield is asleep in his letterbox.

Or not in his letterbox, in his box. In his weird little box that he sleeps in. Don't sleep where you should. He's one Z, he's asleep. But then someone yells, hey Garfield, let's go jogging. Garfield's eyes pop open. You see a choup as he runs under a recliner chair. You see some ugly legs that are probably

Johns without pants. You see Garfield's eyeballs under the recliner. And then John in a feat of superhuman strength picks up the recliner, seemingly effortlessly to reveal Garfield underneath, saying, aha, then Garfield swatts his leg, and John says, he out, letting go of the recliner, and then you see the recliner on the ground

and Garfield's arms coming out. And he says, this is one of those times when I should have considered the consequences of my actions. So clearly Garfield was crushed when John dropped a 200 pound recliner on top of him. Are there ever panels where we see the surgeries they go through?

Odee two? Does Odee get this one? Sorry, John. What did you say? Oh, is you saying, do we ever get to see in the panels the surgeries that they go through in between each action? Maybe on Patreon, maybe on the Garfield Patreon, you get that kind of behind the scenes content. Interesting. But I am not reclined, but inclined to agree with Usador, that one goes to Ode. Okay. All right. Okay. Here's what we should do. Ah, we're gonna scan this page.

More grandpa It's back to grandpa. It's literally the same. It's literally the exact same drawing The page after no more skipping and no more grandpa. Next page. Exactly the same. I wish I could get across It's like a flip book where nothing happens. It's the exact same page except for in one of them Garfield looks slightly surprised All right next page again or nothing happens. It's the exact same page, except for one of them, Garfield looks slightly surprised. All right, next page. Again, exactly the same. Except for the very end, Grandpa slowly walks off.

Goodbye, you wall-eyed cocksucker. Okay, come on, next page. No Grandpa, this is kinda better. This is kinda better. Before I turn the next page, you gotta admit, just flipping through page-right page is kinda better. All right, next page.

It's a Sunday one, there's making faces and then they're laughing. And John says on the phone, hello, funny farm, do you take pets? Oh boy. I wish we were at a funny farm, at least I'd be laughing. All right, I'm gonna start flipping through these pages

and I can describe what it is until one of us says stop. Like if you are a whole lot of intrigued. I found one I want. I found one that this seems to be in chunks. Wait hold on, I think I see what you see. How did I almost flip the page past this? Ooh, let me rub my nasty little paws together

because daddy's about to eat. Mm, wow, I found it. I found the one Garfield I like. Okay, this is three beautiful. I can't describe how beautiful these panels are. Okay, Garfield's looking at John. John is saying to Garfield, do you know what I like about Katz Garfield? You're so docile. That sense doesn't make sense. It should be you're all docile or they're docile. But anyway, so he says, you know, like like about Katz Garfield, You're so docile. Next frame.

Garfield's face distorts. His mouth opens about three feet and he yells rower while John is trembling. Next panel. And this is the best panel. Chef Kis I can't explain how great this panel is. John is dead. He uses feet around the table. And Garfield is grinning ear to fucking ear. And he's thinking, I hate to be pegged. Now I want this panel framed and tattooed on my back. What Garfield, smirk, and tattooed on your back? Garfield smirking next to a dead John who's dead feeder up on the table and Garfield thinking I hate to be pegged is just what an encapsulation of life. This is the best thing I've ever seen. This is the funniest thing I've ever seen. This is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

10 out of 10, Garfield wins it all. O.D. 3. O.D. 3. I can't express how much I love this, truly. Okay, I hate to be pegged. That's my new catchphrase. I hate to be pegged. The next strip is just more recliner hijinks,

not that interesting. Some, it looks like, the next, it looks like they're setting up a week where Garfield hangs from the end of a table all week. Right? Next page. Garfield's still hanging from the end of a table. Next page, okay.

Sunday. Oh. What's wrong with this Odie? Okay, now this is a cat love interest of Garfield's, whose name I cannot remember. Maybe it's like Irene or something like that. Says Frank at the end there. Oh, hi Frank.

Is that true? Oh, oh, are you told me about this? Oh, hi Frank, that's the room, right? Oh, hi Frank. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, this does seem to have the room level of nuance of character. All right, I don't care about this one, but...

Now it's a week of Garfield lying in his shit box. One where he's like killing bugs. One where he fights with Odie and it looks like, ooh, I gotta give Odie another point. Odie, Odie, it's actually tied now three to three because Garfield got the shit kicked out of him by Odie. Wait, wait, wait. So in this top panel, there's three panels. In one Garfield is flicking something and it says flick. In the next panel, he's three panels. In one Garfield is flicking something that says flick. In the next panel, he's flicking the same thing and it says flick.

And the third one, he's not flicking the thing. It's just laying in front of him. And he thinks, you know your board when flicking a lint ball becomes all-consuming. This is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. Well, he hates to get pegged. I want this cat to go, I forget. He hates to be pegged, which I love.

This is like an elaborate prank on the readers. This is the most hot and cold fucking comic. It's been hot once. It's been cold the rest of the time, and when I say cold, I mean frigid. Alright. Thank you. What? Now I-

I would like to formally apologize to you both and all of the listeners. No, no, no, no. Something is happening here that must be explained. There's a panel that has Garfield on the left thinking the thought, I'm bored. Next to Garfield is Odie with his eyes closed, sort of sitting on I I guess a table or a bench. I don't know what it is. There's something there behind all the time. Then John is there looking bored as well Odie looks quite bored and then there's a A toe with a mustache and a

A toe with a mustache. Mm-hmm. And a turtleneck on, I think, looking like nothing, like nothing at all. I will say a turtleneck on a toe would be a joint, a turtleneck? A great turtleneck. Also, are you sure that's a mustache and not its terrifying teeth? I don't know. You could be quite right. It could be teeth. Then in the next panel, Garfield sits up and screams, arg. And then in the third final panel, he says, that helped. And John looks crazy in his hair, sticking straight up. John has curly hair. We should mention

for those who don't know. Odys is a straight out and flat in his eyes are open now and he's got his big lips up off of the table or bench or whatever it is. And the thing with the mustache or the teeth has transformed into a beholder. Yeah, it looks like a dandelion. There's a, it's a spore or an an ever living eye that that spears into your soul what in the hell is that this is insanity already I

I'm not gonna get litigious because I don't know what that word means but in the second panel like you said or said Garfield screams argg which is getting dangerously close to Kathy territory and this wall-eyed cocksucker thinks that he can just rip off Kathy and her ackness. I'm gonna have a few words with this cat. Where can I find Garfield? Arnie, give me his address. He's everywhere on earth. Especially. I'm going to, mostly, ironically though. What's that? Listeners, Arnie, everyone, let it be known. I am going to fight Garfield. Garfield, you named it time and place?

I will be there. I'm just realizing the subtext of most of these strips is that Garfield is sitting there and is like, I don't fucking have anything. Garfield is just sort of like, I don't know. I don't have a joke, I don't have a premise, I don't have anything. And then he aggressively punishes the other people

in the banal as a sort of sit-in for us the reader. This coward, when he doesn't know what to do, he either screams at the top of his lungs or he kills one of the characters. This is not sustainable. I know. Well, okay, well, you know what, I think maybe we just have to stop.

Well, one thing, I have a couple of these Garfield books, and I leaf through the first one and the second one for a second, it's like, oh, this is pretty bad. And then I thought, you know what, maybe I'll start with the fifth one. I bet by then Jim Davis will have it figured out. Apparently not. Well, he figured something out

because the people on your world were happy enough to buy many volumes of these books and then to go back and create the prequels that came before the fifth book. If this guy Jim Davis is listening, I have one thing to say to you. If you actually are listening, we'd love to have you on the show. Sometimes please come on. That would be nice. I'd true to light. Please know we're big fans. All right, now let's start the episode. What you want to do is you want to spread your fingers apart. Yeah, it's a huge can. And then feel the magical energies sort of jumping between them and the little bolts of lightning and energy that sort of, yeah, minus your sort of minuscule lightning, jumping all around. And then when you feel your index finger Watch this

Smack your head right to his food Very good, I'm not growing on me Ah my peach cobbler And dear listener, as I step away for a moment I just want to address you directly and say We had a lot of fun here in the comments No, we did post on the patreon say if you want us to do more earth comics Is there other comics you want us to do Kathy? Do you want us to do against your better judgment more Garfield? Here's the thing we have a hundred more pages of just this Garfield book

Why? I guess it doesn't get better. But if most of you say, finish this book, then we'll do that. But you would only do that if you want to punish us. And what have we done to you to deserve that? Oh, plenty. Can I just say Garfield, Odie, John, what a family circus. But then Bill Murray got cast in the movie, and so now he was voicing a Lorenzo music character.

Crazy, right? Hold on a sec. A user door the blue was played by Matt Young. Chant the talking Badger was played by Adel Refein. This episode was produced by Matt Young, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, special assistance by Ryan DeGeorgi and Arnemy Camp. This episode was edited by Anna Hoverman, logo by Adel Reban, theme by Andy Poland. I mean, you can try mailing me to Abu Dhabi, but I'll probably just sleep through most of it. Just like Garfield. Oh, that's a wooden one.

I went to Jim Davis' restaurant, fancy restaurant, and hang on, what are you talking about? Don't say that like it's a thing. When I was in college, I was on the speech and debate team. I think maybe this was nationals or whatever. It was in Indiana, maybe Muncie, Indiana. We went to a fancy restaurant on one of the nights of the speech and debate tournament.

It was up until that point, I would say easily the nicest restaurant I had ever been to. I did not at first know that it was Jim Davis's restaurant, but I was I was sitting there slightly nervous. It was so fancy that you had waiters that were constantly hovering over you at the table and like coming forward and like you would drink a little bit and they'd fill some more. And I started looking around and I noticed like are all the paintings in this place, artsy paintings of Garfield? And they were. And I was like, so it wasn't a fan's arrest. Garfield restaurant.

I mean, it was Italian now that I think about it. Mmm, that is good content. And if you want more of that sweet, sweet hello from the Magic Tavern content, just head over to patreon.com slash magic tavern. You can become a patreon and support our independent production and get some choice benefits. For only $5 a month, all of our patrons get two new bonus episodes just like this one each month. And if you like this one, you can also hear Earth Comics Family's Circus Edition

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