Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Girls Night - Momo's Move

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! In this episode, Mono’s roommate has had enough, but will Flower and Gianessa be able to move her out in time?You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!CreditsMomo the Mouse: Erin KeifFlower: Brooke BreitGianessa Relkorus: Dana QuercioliCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Matt YoungPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Chris RathjenMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, hey, you know when hello from the Magic Davern goes away. Bootleg Craig's pirate Patreon radio is here to play. Unlocked Patreon, we're playing unlock Patreon episodes. You love bonus content with you, Siddore Chutney, Narnie, me and Ealer, so I'm doing you a solid and bringing something worth listening to. And that is, girls night. Bootleg Craig loves you listeners, and he knows how much you love GNSA, Momo and Flower, and in this episode they need to work together to get Momo out of a bad situation.

Oh no! So when you're done soothing your ears and brain to this little treat, stick around and I'll let you know how to become a patron over at patreon.com slash magic tavern. That way you'll be able to listen to bonus episodes like this one every month plus ad free versions of the main show. But for now, just enjoy. Oh yeah. Hello and welcome to Momos first episode of Momos Got a Move Move. Here's the thing.

My name is Momo the mouse. I have human strength and something happened. I'm getting, it's amicable, but it's not. I'm getting kicked out of my current apartment. I thought I'd hit the jackpot when I moved into this empty-doubt stage coach. Turns out I have a passive-ag passive aggressive roommate that doesn't like my living habits but don't worry, mom has got it all figured out. I have two of my very best friends in the whole wide world coming over and I have got pizza and

I have got beer and I have Arnie's recording equipment so we're gonna record it and it's gonna be fun and it's gonna be a party. Ha. Big dog. Oh, that's the door. Brandy, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, woo! There's a night! I gotta say, this is the sweetest hollowed-out stage coach I've ever seen

in my goddamn life. Look at this, say, you cleared out all of it, it's just like a, it's like a blade. It's beautiful. But somehow you still have a tiny shit in here. Like I said that I felt the emptiness mama and then I looked around and I was like, oh shit, you still got like more shit than you would imagine.

And I'm like, if you ever had to get this shit out of here. I'm fucking feel bad for you. Yeah! Vomalowski thrives. Come on in, Flare. Coming out of the rain. NGNESA. Right this way.

Take off your shoes. Hey, guys. I'm so excited. I am ready to cut loose tonight. I am ready to party. Oh, yeah. You guys something that's been going on. You got all squirrely. You look look squirly. Is that um how do I take that is it? It's good it would mean like you

you've got a mouthful of nuts and you're ready for adventure. I wish. So flower during college. Flowering very twirly during college. Tails up, bales. Oh, that's like I love that. I love that. I'm in. Yeah, I got a lot going on, but I am always happy to make time for you to because this is the best. This is the best feeling anyone can have is having just a cut loose night. With no responsibilities or like any sort of like task that we have to accomplish.

Yeah. Fucking chill in. You know how many things I have to accomplish. Yeah. This fucking chillin'. You know how many things I have to do in my daily life? I do so many things. Name them. Oh, well, I have so many different offices. I run so many different parts of the town. List them.

No, I can't. I can't at this point, I can't. Cause I'll tell you why. Sing it. Sing it. Sing it. Genissa in flower, I know it's like a Friday, and you're probably tired from work or whatever, but you know what, I bet you're getting a second wind

and you're wishing there was some sort of intense, time-consuming, famously stressful task that you could be doing right about now. Unless you count the task of taking a drink and putting it to my mouth and then swallowing that drink and then doing like repeating that motion over and over again like that's what I feel like I'm ready to do. Yeah I'm not working I'm twerking for the weekend. Look at me! I got my roots up in the air! Watch it! Watch it! Watch out of the root school! There's dirt everywhere! Watch out of the root school!

There's dirt everywhere! Momo can't possibly describe how haunting this image is. Haunting's a good start, I think. You're off to the races with the word haunting. Tails up, bales up! You know how friends sometimes lie to each other? What? On my honor, I've never lied to either one of you.

Ah, that sucks to hear. You know how Momo told you that we were gonna go to a club and make some hoties tonight? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it turns out Momo and this was an accident. Momo lied and Momo has to move move in a couple hours so and I'm gonna gesture over to these boxes. Those boxes are empty. Yes so Momo sort of well Momo had a panic attack and Momo didn't feel the boxes with any of Momo's stuff so Momo called her friends and sometimes Momo doesn't have human strength she feels weak

sometimes emotionally so she thought that maybe her friends would drink and pack her up I will I will do your boots are still up in the air. I'm so sorry. I will fuck. I will do this for you. But I will also let you know. I am fucking pissed. Okay, this is a level of betrayal. Now you know I can't not help a friend.

And you're not the same way. We can't, we put our hands in. It was it like two weeks ago, when we officially formed our friendship club, we've always been friends, but we were like, we gotta make it official, we gotta make a friendship club. We put our hands in, we said the oath.

I made us jackets, I made us jackets. Yes, you made jackets. Yeah, that, I'll have to pack as well. That will need to be packed. Wow. I thought you were at least going to say we could put them on and do this as the first official act of the club. Oh, I'm too.

I understand, you got to pack. It's probably going to get real sweaty under those jackets. No, it's pack. You know, it's going to be so fun. I got beer and pizza that I got a few hours ago, so. Oh, I don't know. Pizza's cold beer is warm. Pulling out all the goddamn stops, aren't you?

You got pizza and beer? Okay, yeah, yeah. Oh, and I got some liquor that I made in my bathtub. Yep. Now that's what I'm talking about, though. I have talking about that. Oh, well, we can do that. And we can talk about how Momo's actually

a really good roommate. She's actually a good roommate. And we can just get this show in the road and get out of here in a couple hours. I feel like that good roommate thing wasn't necessarily for our benefit. No, that was for Maureen. Freaking roommate.

Do you want to explain that to give us a little more context in case we come across Maureen? Yeah, you remember how I said I lived with a cow. She's a milk cow and her name's Maureen. Well, turns out she didn't like me very much. And left passive aggressive notes all over the stage coach. And got a moMo for not cleaning enough and got a mo mo for befriending the flies around the dishes instead of doing the dishes and just got on me for basically everything I did but you know what? Maureen has loud sex so at least I'm not Maureen! You know what I'm seeing a lot of these notes from Maureen just pasted around here

this one says we're not says, we're not gonna pay. We're not gonna pay. We're not gonna pay last year's rent. And then there's this flyer for she's got a performance I've shown in a parking lot. Yeah, she does. And she was also dating this guy named Mark. And now she's dating a woman named Jillian

and you know what I'm really now. Oh, I love that. I support that. Judy for her. I like that for her. That's a good look. I think what I heard was that Maureen is protesting losing her performance space and not your attitude. But maybe I'm wrong about that. And at the end of the day, it's impressive how much the three of us know about Maureen. Well, you know what I think about Maureen is you guys.

You guys take her as she is. Yeah remember when she made us all move with her? Yeah yeah maybe my least favorite part. Same same here absolutely the worst part. I agree. Well listen was I expecting to get absolutely crunch tonight? Yeah I was but I guess if this is how it has to happen, I'm here for it. You know that. Yeah, I'm already root deep in this bathtub, and I'm ready to pack a Zoom knick-knacks. Well, we got over here. How many yearbooks do you have in Momow? There's way more than a normal school journey. There's so many yearbooks. Who's are these?

They're mine. They're Momos. The issue is that people don't love it when mice live in their walls. So momo and her family needed to move like three times a week. Oh. Three times a week? Yeah, and momoes had to move for like a lot of my schooling, for a lot of growing up. So, and then people would find us,

and then we'd have to move, and then people would find us, and then we'd have to move, and then a pest control guy would come, and then we'd have to move, and then people would find us, and then we'd have to move. And then a pest control guy would come, and then we'd have to move. So Momos been to hundreds of high schools and middle schools. So. You're Clayton, you're just like stayed in the neighborhood? Yeah, you couldn't.

It sounds like you were going district to district, and that's expensive. On the yearbook, did you do anything to qualify for any of these clubs? No, but Momo's very small. So Momo would sort of just inch into the photo. You see, Momo just needed to be included. It was really hard to put down roots and make some friends. But I did, I did get some of the faculty sometimes to sign my yearbook. If you flip through this, most of them say, I hope to see you sometimes to sign my yearbook. If you flip through this, most of them say, let's see, who is this? Never seen you before in my life.

Why didn't you just stay in the same district? I feel like that would be less expensive. I think that's fine for us to say, but it's very rude for them to say it. That's true. That's so rude. Yeah, that they should already be like this child is asking me to sign the yearbook and not another child

So maybe I'll just do our solid, you know, yeah Wait hold on, how are this you? What you were prom queen? Oh? Fuck yeah, I remember this now. Yeah, wait a minute. Were we did we go to the same school? It's a point. Yeah, I guess so what look you signed my ear, but holy shit I did I was a professor at the school and also prom queen You said fuck you love flower. Yeah, I said fuck the kids love flower I'm prom queen no one can stab me.

Listen, okay, this is all coming back to me now. I'll be honest, I rigged it. I rigged the ballots. I, you were a professor and they made you prom queen. I was, listen, not, not a usual position.

I was a high school professor for a period of time. I was, I was professor of the card sharks. Professor of card sharks. I can't even say botany, but boy oh boy. No, that would have made sense. I was professor of the card sharks. I was a wheeler and a dealer,

and I just had to, they brought me in to teach the kids how to play cards. And I was like, I'm a professor, you better treat me as such. You better treat me with this level of steam. I didn't go to doctor school for nothing. So they gave me a class, I would teach a class, and then I was like, what's this prom all about?

Because I didn't have a traditional high school experience. Like I went to Montessori School, so there was a lot of like feeling around for shit, like blocks, say where you wanna feel what you want. Yeah, so they're like getting this whole situation on my, what's this prom queen situation? They're like, they're all the attention on her. She gets a bucket of blood on her head

and they're like, yeah, every time we get to prom queen, everybody sings to her, everybody hoist her up in a chair and everybody we dump a bucket a blood on her head. And they're like, yeah, every time we get to prom queen, everybody sings to her, everybody hoist her up in a chair, then everybody we dump a bucket of blood. And I was like, that sounds hot as hell. How do I do this? They say, you can, you're a professor. I said, watch me. And then I convinced everybody of hope for me.

And I still stuffed the ball at it. I did it all myself. And then I really, I flashed ants the shit at it. I got the bucket. I just dumped it on myself. And I was, I flashed dance to shit out of that thing. I got the bucket I just jumped on myself and I was like, I'm the queen of the night and then I immediately resigned. I feel like you had no choice at that point you can't. I had to leave.

I reached the top of the mountain at that point. There was no way but down. Yeah, it really feels like a firing was curing towards you. Yes. You probably resigned moments before they were about to fire you. So you probably resigned moments before they were about to fire you. Thank you, but you know what? Do you remember your momo?

I do remember you, because I was like, this girl is cool. No one will become friends as adults. I should remember that I knew you and that other part of my life. No, you know what? Momo's so little. I mean, I can barely see myself in a mirror.

So that's sweet of you to say. Janessa, what were you like in school? Well, I'm sure you could imagine. I was every, all of the parts of student council, I was them and I was also in the key club, which I don't know what it is, but I was in it. We started it because we needed, I really wanted to get a good job out of high school. I always wanted to be the sheriff, so I wanted to have a lot of background, so I did a lot of things. I was a homecoming queen. Now what is that? I was both the king and the queen.

My gender is always being explored and it certainly didn't start when I was an adult, it started when I was much younger. So I was the queen and at one point, the king of both homecoming and prom. Whoa. And you were homeschooled? I was. Yeah.

I was. That's amazing. What gave me away my dancing? Ha ha ha. Yeah, to be honest, that was a really big part of it. And I guess the other big clue is you saying you were every role in the student council. That's a big homeschool red flag. It's really sweet that your parents set up those activities. I mean, that takes a lot of effort.

Good on them. Yes, it does. And I have to say, I don't know much about my parents, but I will say this. I was preparing for what would end up becoming my life. So it was a great, a lot of people have, you know, problems with homeschool like, oh, they don't get the same exposure. Oh, they're missing out. And that is very true. I think I thought when I started the sentence, there was going to be a counterpoint, but there isn't. That's true.

But look at how accomplished you are. I mean, like, you can take a look at yourself and be like, I doubt where I come from because it feels like it's a different situation. But I think it's great. Did you guys know before I said all this stuff, could you guys have guessed that I had been homeschooled? Other than your dancing, like you mentioned, Momo wouldn't have known, I don't think.

Flower? No, no, but I was so like, and I mean this in the nicest way, I don't give a fuck. I love you. I love you guys. Yeah, by the way, and I think this goes to that saying, Momo has too much stuff. So if you look at any of this and you got a knife on it,

I know most of it's like old cheese, but if any of this is of interest to you, like please take it home with you. Momma would love to give away some of her stuff tonight. Okay. I do love little versions of regular things. I do. I think, you know what I love?

I gotta say, I like the way you've decorated this place. You do? Yeah. Because Maureen doesn't like it! Maureen thinks it's too much! Sorry. Oh, that's okay. I mean, you found out a way to maximize space in here. I mean, there's a whole-ass cow in here.

Yeah. And it's still not overcrowded. Mm-hmm. Maureen thinks I buy too much glassware. She goes, what are you having a party with a million people over? Why do you need this many wine glasses? Wow.

Wow. Did you ever ask Maureen why she sucks so bad? Oh, no, but I will. Maureen, why do you suck so bad? Sheard me, she's like a foot away. She just like, where is she? She's like hanging out over there. She's been staring at us as full of time.

She's been like a couple feet away. Yeah. Planned her nostrils, just like ready to charge. Yeah, ignore her. I tear you. Yeah, you moron. Come on over here, I'ma show you. Who's a bad fucking roommate? Yeah, come at us with a mouth full of cudd.

You're gonna walk back with a mouth full of bloody cudd. You're getting way better at trash talking. The last time we got into a fight, you really froze up it. It's getting better and better and better. I don't think so. I've really been practicing. Thank you so much. Remember that time when we got into a fight and you panicked and you gave one of them a hug?

Yeah. That was nice. I don't wanna say it, that was nice. Because that gave me a perfect opportunity to rip their ash hole while you were holding them still. That's right. You know what, it's a classic misdirect. It's an alligator, you know, hugged, but then my friend's gonna come right for you, B-hole. You better look out.

That's why they say they say kill them with kindness. And I think people misunderstand that phrase all the time. It's like no, be really kind. And watch out for your psychotic friend coming up from behind. Yeah, that's right. Let's see. Oh god, on their momos bed is so gross.

I'm a momos embarrassed. OK, you have under your bed, you have 20 glass bottles with ships in them. Oh, did you do these yourself? Did you how'd you do them? Can I have two? Yeah, you can have as many as you want. Momo will go in and out of niche interests.

So Momo became sort of obsessed with putting bottles into boats and then trying to get them out. Turns out it's way harder. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You put a bottle in a boat? And then try, you put the bottle in a boat, and then you try to get the bottle out of the boat. So how did that happen? You pushed the bottle in the boat first?

Yeah, Momo didn't misspeak. This was my broad sense. No, I don't. Don't do that. Momo put a bottle in the boat and then I would, what look around the boat and be like, where did I put it? Where did I put it?

I wouldn't be able to find it. And that was my interest. Oh, that is just, that's it. It stopped there. I thought there was going to be more. Oh, well then, I would get little boats and put them in the bottle to remember the time I had with the bottle, putting the bottle into a boat.

OK. So this is the bottle into a boat. Okay. So this is a thing within a thing. So there's a boat inside a bottle, with a bottle inside a boat. Mm-hmm. There's a top next to me and it keeps fucking spinning. What is happening? I'm freaking out. What is in the bathtub, exactly.

I'm tripping a little bit right now. Yeah. What did we drink? All my monos is that she gets me fucked up. What is in the bath tub, exactly? So I'm tripping a little bit right now. Yeah, what did we drink? Alma knows is that she gets me fucked up and takes her nail polish off whenever I need. And it's a good varnish for boats.

That can't be good for our insides. No matter what they be, be it floral, be it mouse, be it human woman. It can't be good for our insides. I'm not fully human in half, but. Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing. Momo found her old box of love letters. Love letters that keep you from saying mom. Get them out.

Oh, you're probably not interested in seeing these. Okay, you keep pushing them in our face. Yeah. What are we doing? This one's from Mayor Manana. What? Well, oh my God, remember when I dated that banana? Very well.

This feels very personal, Momo. Why don't you read a little bit of it? Momo, as you know, I'm a banana. And bananas aren't good forever. I think that we should break. Never mind. This is kind of boring. It's probably boring.

Oh, why would you save that one, mama? Why would you save that one? Sometimes you need to trigger a cry in your body. Do you know when you got a little cry stuck in your chest and you got to unlock it somehow? No, no, no. No. Flower, when was the last time you cried? Oh, here's the thing. I cry all the fucking time. It's just that I don't need to trigger it. I don't need an outside trigger. It just happens and I'm wailing and I'm screaming and I'm writhing. You're so emotionally healthy. But here's the thing that I'm a little pissed off

by the beginning of that letter. It sounds like the mayor's blaming themselves for them. Like it's like, be serious. Okay, you're so direct at the beginning. I'm a banana. A banana is no less forever. Baaaah. It's like, give me a fucking break.

Just be honest with your own god-dum emotions and saying you know what this isn't working. Yeah, it's a real like it's not you. It's me. We know it was me. Yeah, I have a very limited life span. Oh, bullshit. So does everyone. Yeah, we all do. Nothing's guaranteed. You know what? Should we set that on fire? Yes. Oh, yes. You know what, should we set that on fire? Yes. Oh, you're, yes. And you know what, I have the perfect lighter fluid to set it on fire.

Is it whatever we've been drinking? Uh-huh. Depths of into the cold. Let's light on fire. Oh god, you lit it too close to the bathtub. Ah! Oh god. Oh god.

We got it, Barino Cleanet. I said I'll clean it! I said, don't clean it! She's so mean. You're not getting a deposit back up the stagecodes. Ah, being it. What's your landlord, by the way? An owl. Who?

Ha ha ha ha, yeah. Yeah, nailed it. He comes from family money. He doesn't have a real job. He just lives off rent that people pay him. You know the type. I do know the type. I hate that.

Yeah. Managing shit. Yeah. So annoying. And this next letter is from that tall glass of water that I dated that I think Arnie ended up drinking. If memory serves, they fell in love with the glass of water that Arnie ended up drinking.

My God. You know, the thing about you is, it's so hard to nail down your type, even harder than mine. And I love that about you. I love it, you. Yeah, Momos dated so many different things that are size appropriate for Momo,

like a bandana, a glass of water. What else? A flower, not you, a different flower. Oh, we forgot that we went to high school together, so we moved, forgot that we were dating. That's true, that's true. All of these are breakup letters. I was realizing that mom would have been broken up with a lot.

Have you ever been the one to do the breaking up? Flip and do these letters. It looks like no. Well you wouldn't have the letter. You wouldn't have the one. You wouldn't have. You wouldn't have the letter. I can't find any of my break up letters.

It's so weird. Unless you wrote them in duplicate, I don't think you would have kept them. Do you write break up letters like you write checks? They're sort of like another sheet of paper under it and then you keep the sheet of paper under it for your records? I just do it in person. I don't want a paper trail. Yeah that's brutal. I do not want a paper trail. I typically just ghost. You know. Do you really flower? Yeah, I don't love it about myself, but it's just, it's what happens. And so, uh, yeah, I did a lot of trees.

So, you know, they're pretty like sturdy, firmly planted where they are. And so I'm just like, does it? And they're like, does it? I'm good. I'm grown. I'm where I need to be. And I was like, well, I want to see some other shit. And they're like, well, I can see a lot of shit. I'm good. I'm grown. I'm where I need to be. And I was like, well, I want to see some other shit.

And they're like, I can see a lot of shit. I'm really tall. I'm like, okay, cool. Good for you. And then just roll away in the middle of the night. Never to come back to that forest again. Flower. Yeah. Yeah. You're crying right now. Yeah. It's okay okay. I can't believe your body can still make tears after we just drink all that stuff Oh my god, they really are they are I Again Okay, we're good.

G-dice it. Yeah. I feel like you always do the breaking up. I can't think of any time that someone broke up with you. I got broken up with once in a really heinous way. And then after that, I was like, never again. Watch me, never feel this way again. Oh, I'll hurt you before you heard me.

I'll leave before you can leave. Yeah, and it's a, it's hard to do because, you know, a lot of times people are like, oh, G&S, you give too much of yourself to other people. There's not enough time for me. And then I'm like, oh, okay, but I really do love you. And then they're like, okay, but I'm going to need you to be at home for at least one hour of the day. And I'm like, I I really do love you. And then they're like, okay, but I'm gonna need you to be at home for at least one hour of the day.

And I'm like, I can't do that. And then I say, maybe this is where we call it. And that's it. Is it because your school was at home? It's because my school was at home, and my jobs are at jobs. And my work is my work. It's my work, I can't.

I can't. I can't move in. Yeah, what can I ask, what was the heinous way you don't have to tell us but I also Really want to know oh? It was bad. It was bad. I moved all the way to a new city and then was left for someone. Oh No, oh Can I tell you what I think that person can do? Yeah.

I think they can kiss my little butt. Yeah. I'm just gonna go and say they should kiss my butt because they stink. They're stinky. Famously stinky. Stinky for doing such a stinky thing. Stinky.

They're stinky. Momo's drunk. Momo's drunk and she's calling people stinky. Yeah. Yeah. Heck yeah, drunk Momo is my favorite. I mean, I love you when you're sober. You don't have to put on,

you don't have to be drunk for us to love you so much. No, I get it. I get it. Momo's gonna try to jerk in the early flower. Didn't fall. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. She's in a bottle. She's in a bottle. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, God! Oh, give me a hug, give me a hug, give me a hug! I'm gonna break it! I'm gonna break it! Ah!

Oh my gosh! Are you cut? Did the boat cut you? Can you see? I think I look okay. You look, you're bleeding a little bit. I'm just gonna put a little bit of this bathtub-hooch on it.

Ow, how are you? How are you? How are you? Burns. It does burn. Maureen, we're doing it! She thinks we're moving too slow. You want me to sit that up real quick

before we get back to moving? Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna get it. I know you gotta have a needle and thread around here somewhere. Yeah, it's in my box of junk. Oh good.

Which is the box of junk, please. Yeah, I heard it tell. You're asking earnestly, so that doesn't need to hurt my feelings. I know that there are lots of boxes of junk around here. It's under my stuff that like your parent gives you when you move into your new place, like a hammer and a flashlight. That's what you think a box of junk is. A hammer? That's a box of useful. Useful items. Necessities even. Not if you don't do anything around the house. That's true. Maybe more ain't right. Maybe I am a bad roommate.

No. I used to be tuna every day. I made tuna every day for every meal. Oh god. I was going to defend you and now. Yeah. I'm going to leave you high and dry, because that's fucking terrible being a girl. Yeah, that's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. Do you also make hard boiled eggs all the time? Almost always. Oh, tuna and hard boiled eggs. Yeah.

Wow. And here's your problem, true. You're trying to clear the scent with these scented candles, but the candles are scented hard boiled-boiled egg, yantuna. Yeah, but it's okay. Speaking of being high and dry, Momma was wondering if either of you had a spare room that Momma could maybe stay in for a couple days, weeks, months

until Momma got in her feet again. I mean, I have plenty of room. I'm actually not home often as I said earlier. So I have plenty of room if you want to. I mean, Flower started backing out in the state. Why do you need me? What are you talking? I don't go to talk to Maureen. No, Flower, I get get it you love living alone. Yeah, I mean like if you could if you could guarantee a deadline That would make me feel more comfortable, but I also but tone of voice. I was like there's no out like there's no definitive thing

And I want that for you. I want the freedom GNS is way more understanding than I am. I just got shit I gotta do. So yeah. Oh, I got shit I gotta do, but the thing is, here's where this might work out, Mama. I'm a compulsive cleaner. So regardless of what you do, I'm going to be cleaning. So it's like not going to be, I don't think, any worse than what I'd already be doing.

That's so good. And how are your walls? Are they empty and fit for a mouse? To be fair, I've never seen the inside of my walls, but I will tell you the outside of my walls are immaculate and peckable. Interesting. Do you like the smell of hard boiled eggs in tuna

and then also the candle smell of hard boiled eggs in tuna? I have to tell you, I hate both of those ideas and almost worse in the candle form. Because you know the candle form is like 100 times stronger and not quite precise. I'm frustrated, yeah, exactly. It's like, it's like tuna with the essence of burgamat. Right, and I don't even know what burgamat is.

I don't understand it. No, but I like it. I like a good cedar burgamat. Lately, I've been in like a cedar and an orange. Oh, yeah citrus a citrus, but I can't recommend hard boiled egg and tuna enough You probably could I think you've recommended it enough already I think personally Yeah, well personally. Yes, true. Yeah. Well, GNSM a little bit worried because I thought more, you know, we're cool until we live together and now we're never gonna speak

again. So I just am scared of that happening to our friendship but that won't happen to us, right? Absolutely not. Okay. First of all, I gave you my word and my word is my bond and I couldn't love you more, flower also couldn't love you more. And so we're safe, we're good. How well did you know Maureen before this whole thing happened? We're cousins. Oh.

What? We're cousins. She's my cow cousin. Mm. We're technically family. I gotta know how that happened. Lineage. I mean, just the lineage of it. I'm, you don't have we're technically family. I gotta know how that happened. Lineage. I mean, just the lineage of it.

I'm, you don't have to test private family. You don't have to area your families. No, I can go into it. Let's see. Um, our parents are siblings. So that would work out how. That makes you cosy. Yeah.

Yeah. Wait. Yeah. I think that explains it. I got it. Yeah, parents are siblings. That's fascinating. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyways. Mom was gonna go to the bathroom really quick. I'll be right back. Do you think this is gonna ruin our friendship? I don't think it will. I'm still very concerned about this whole bottle in a ship in a bottle situation because I feel like it was never fully explained and I keep racking my fucking brain around

it because I was like was it two separate situations and one is in memoriam of the other or is there like a tiny bottle inside the ship inside the bottle and are we inside a bigger ship that we don't even see? That's okay so the before you said that thing about the shipping us being inside a bigger ship than we don't even see. That's okay. So before you said that thing about the shipping, us being inside a bigger ship than we can't see, I thought it was a bottle inside a ship inside a bottle. Right. But now it's getting outrageous because now if we're inside

another ship and we don't even know it, right. That's a different holy shit. We are inside a ship. We didn't even know it. We're inside a friendship. We didn't even know what we're inside a friendship. Oh My god, holy shit listen. I know we're both drunk. Yeah, it's always mom-o, but that really did blow my mind holy shit Back guys, I peed fire so oh god

Definitely getting a little bit concerned about my, a bathtub, a alcohol. Yeah. Anyways, ran into Maureen and then waited at the bathroom. She gave me the silent treatment. Kind of hurt my feelings. Doesn't matter. I'm on too bigger and better things.

I'm going to live in GNS's wall and cook them. All the hard boiled eggs I want Okay, what nope? I'm on board. Okay. Here we go. No. No, you need to be honest This is killing you. What if you cooked a little bit less of the tuna in the hard boiled eggs I'm just worried about your diet. That's a whole lot of protein and it doesn't sound like any vegetables coming in It's my mom who was comfort food. Oh, okay. If you don't want to live with me, you can just say so.

I do want to live with you. I want to live with you and I also... No! I do. I do. I want to live with you so much. Flower, I want to live with you too. No, I don't want to.

I know. And you just come by whenever. Just open door policy. And you know what I can do Well, I'll make it so that the smell doesn't get through the walls. I'll just reinforce the walls Gina, so I can't do this to you. You have a boundary issue and you're so generous and I'm just not gonna do this to you I don't have a boundary issue. I have no boundaries. I don't know even what they are Come live with me Gee, this is what I'm talking about like I watch other people do stuff like this to you

And it pissed me off and I'm not gonna be the kind of friend that does this to you I'm gonna be self-aware Momos is gonna go live in a hole or something. Oh, no. Oh, no,, oh no, no, no, not on my watch. I have a barn. Do you want to live in the barn? Wait, there's a great idea. Go live in the barn. Yeah, and then I won't be infringing too much,

but then I'll be close to my friend. Yeah, and I won't charge you rent. You could just stay there as long as you need to get back on your feet. That's really nice. Listen, I'm sorry, Maureen has been such a complete and utter dick to you. Utter.

Yeah. U-D-D-E-R. Well, you guys just want to keep throwing my shit in boxes. I'm going to go give my last check to the owl and say a formal goodbye to Maureen. Well, wait, why don't you bring Maureen in here? I want to talk to her. Yeah to Maureen. Well, wait, why don't you bring Maureen in here? I want to talk to her. Yeah. Maureen!

Hey guys, this is Maureen Maureen. This is GNSN Flower, my best friends. Hi. Hey. Listen, I just might be a cow, but I have feelings too. I've got four stomachs worth of feelings and I'll tell you what I haven't been able to tolerate this bullshit cousin or not for a very long time and I'm just

glad she's leaving. Okay? A cow can't tolerate bullshit. Wow. It's surprising to me. Oh shit. surprising to me oh shit listen more in you listen no you listen you listen no no no no no no no no no no no come on move with me come on it's fun and working no boring it's so weird that you ask people to do that. You're weird, Maureen. Oh, it's fun and quirky. Moe with me. Every young woman will do my monologue.

God damn it. End act one. Already, please, end it. That's what this is. You know what, Momo? That's what this is. This is the end of your act one. The worst part of this whole thing is ending right now.

Maureen, I've never said this to another living being. But what you're doing to Momo is terrible and you should be ashamed of yourself. Now give me a hug. Yeah, hugger. Hugger, Gina's a... I gotta ask for... Ha! Hey, that! How's that feel? It feels like I've had my come-up and just... Grassholes! No! No! Hey, that! How's that feel? It feels like I've had my... come up and just... Yeah.

My friend come up and just your ass over there. N-n-n-n. Well, um, you know what? I don't need this. I don't need any of you. I'm going out of here. Okay, you stay, Momo. I'm leaving.

Okay? You can stay, and I'm... I don't. Okay, you stay, Momo. I'm leaving. Okay, you can stay. And I don't need this, this stupid stage coach anymore. Where are you going? Are you going out to pasture? Wow. No, that was a real question. Okay. Yeah, that was just a real question. Yeah. Yeah, no, I am. It just is embarrassing because I just came from pasture and it's hard to move back. So yeah, I'm going back to pasture. Okay. Where did you go to high school? You sound very pretentious. I went to high school in your home. In my home? Yes. What the hell? How did you know? How did you know I was home school unless that was true?

Because I went to school in your home. That's why I went to school. I don't know why you don't remember me. I was there the whole time. God, this is embarrassing for you, isn't it? No memory of your own second cousin. What? Wait a minute. Maureen, are you jealous? No, my parents and Gianessa's parents are second siblings. Okay. Is the second sibling. This is a lie. This is a lie. I would have noticed if there were a cow at my home school. Would you have?

You seem not to have, and yet I remember you. Okay, fine. What did I do in high school? You were in the key club. Oh shit. Marina, are you sure you just didn't overhear us, because you were a foot away from us this entire time? Oh yeah. Yes, of course that's what it is. It is. I've been just standing over here listening to all of you talk forever.

Well then why did you answer what she was saying thanks to you? Because I hate her. I wouldn't talk to her because I hate her. Morin, morin, morin. Give me a hug. What? Give me a hug. Sorry guys, I'm gonna have a quick side bar with morin. Really. Okay, that's fine. This is a real dance. This is a, sorry guys, I'm gonna have a quick sidebar with Mourin. Really? Okay, that's fine. This is a real dance, this is a real tango, Mourin. My second least favorite part is that. For sure.

Anyways, Mourin, give me a, give me a, what? What? Don't say what. Don't say what like that, Mourin. Mourin, don't say what like that. Mourin. Mourin. Mourin, Mourin, Mourin, you look like a muffin. more eat more eat something like that more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat more eat with my new friendship jacket and you started getting mad at me and you started getting aggressive and then you kicked me out. Is this because you wanted to be a part of the group?

Maybe. It's just a pretty bad attitude. And I just don't think that anyone would want to be my friend. What? So I'm sorry if I took it all on you. I am leaving. I am going to pasture. So you can stand this stupid stage coach that's half on fire.

You have a practice single thing. I've been sitting here watching you this whole time and there's like more boxes than there were stuff to begin with. And there's just like, you keep, and I've watched the flowers been putting boxes into boxes and nothing in them. I'm just taping them up. I hope you know that. If you lift it and it doesn't feel very heavy. I swear to God don't you fucking don't want secrets. Hey Maureen, if you want me to go I'll go but we all got our flaws. Momos' mouth's like egg and tuna.

GNSA has a boundary issue. I don't have any. And flour, I mean, you saw, flour ripped her roots out of the ground. It was twirking in the air. And it doesn't. I'm a guy. Flour my diet and I. Oh no. Let's get you back in the dirt flour. Wow, we're my diet tonight. Oh no.

Let's get you back in the dirt flower. We're going to get you back underground. It's so weak. And they're my very best friends. You don't need to be perfect to have friends. You could have just asked if we'd let you in the group. Well, if you would just ask, we could have come party with us. It helps if you're like kind of a chill, cool person.

Yeah, I'm definitely not. I'm a cow., I'm definitely not. I'm a cow and I'm high-strung. Yeah, cows are famously high-strung. But do you like to have fun? I mean, I like when things are about me. I like putting on shows. What kind of shows? What kind of shows, Corey?

It's just you see my fire. It's in the parking lot. We're all gonna move. Oh, God, one of those. Yeah. That's something different. Okay, I think I'm gonna sorry. Did you see my fire? It's in the parking lot. We're all gonna move. Oh, God, one of those. Yeah. Something different. Okay, I think I'm gonna bail on this idea. I think I'm gonna bail on this.

There was one time that I put all of my legs on a block of ice and I made everybody lick it until it was melted. Oh, God. How much were tickets? Tickets were the cost of a kiss. Oh, God. Oh, God. Even the way you said that, tickets were the cost of a kiss. Oh god.

Even the way you said that, the way you just kind of punctuated it with a head, kind of neck move. I'm sorry, I liked you in Nuncae. It's just who I am. Yeah, Maureen, I can't believe that this is going to end on the message of this, but we don't want to be your friend and I'm moving out. Yeah, let's be realistic here. We need you.

We need you. First of all, we need you to get the fuck out of here. And I've been sitting on this one for a while now. I need you to leave. And I'm going to tell you, don't have a cow man. OK, you go. You get. You get out of here.

How about you take some of these boxes inside of boxes? They're fine, I will. OK, I'm just going to stand over here. Since you are still leaving, and I'm staying in the stagecoach. Okay, I try to give you the out. I said, what? What?

Can you say one nice thing about yourself? Can you say one nice thing about anybody? Which one? Myself or anybody else? Both. Can you, is there anything that comes out of your mouth that's nice? No. I'm unredeemable.

Alright, well... Okay, I mean, you're actually pretty self-aware. Yeah, to a fault. Okay, well, exit. Stage coach left. Good, good. Hi, Ma'am. She's so good, so... She sucks so bad. I know know I really tried to redeem her,

but there was none. And also, you know what's disturbing? I'm thinking about now. You know how she wears leather pants? That's not okay. No, it's not okay. She was drinking milk the whole time. Yeah, that's truly messed up.

Ew. You know what I'm saying? She was like, she's leather, she's like, oh God. Was it her own? Yeah. Oh God. She just kept like, she got one hand in her pocket, and the other one was squeezing that other tit.

Oh God. There was a lot going on. Well, what it all comes down to is that everything's gonna be quite all right. You're gonna be okay. You can live in my barn for as long as you need to. You know, we're all gonna be here. And can live in my barn for as long as you need to. You know, we're all gonna be here. And, you know, I could pack this stuff up probably pretty quickly.

I don't know why I've just been such a lazy ass about this tonight. I can get this taken care of. You know what? Mom will bottle this stuff when she was sad and trying to fill a void. Let's just eat to take a boat in a bottle or a bottle in a boat. Okay. Let's salvage your evening. Let's go out. Let's get you take a boat in a bottle or a bottle in a boat. Okay. Let's salvage your evening. Let's go out. Let's get you guys some hoties. We're going to go dance.

Okay, follow me with this. Follow me with follow me on this plan. Okay. Everybody grab two boats in the bottle, fill it with the excess liquid so that the boat is we're going to drink out of the boat in a bottle and a boat in a bottle with the booze in a bottle and a bottle in a bottle and we're going to leave this place and just as we get slightly out of distance I'm going to throw a match behind me just throw one of the bottles it's like a Molotov cocktail

just throw it. That's true. And we're going to light the stage coach on fire because Maureen is a safe distance. She clearly has another situation going on the only the only party I'm concerned about is the howl the house could have been pissed off which I kind of can't but I don't know he's like a rich he like he's just like a he's stinky he's never worked I don't think you have anything to worry about I'll take care of it I'll take care

of all of the legal issues with all of this all right let's go let's do it. So let her fill up your cup. Friendship cup on three. Ready, one, two, three. Friendship club. Friendship club. Tails up, fails up.

Tails up, fails up. Tilt. Falky, Morrie. God, she was terrible. Oh, it is always a joy to share some unlocked eps with you fine folks, so I hope you really got to enjoy this one. But there's no reason for it to end here. You can just pop over to the Magic Tavern Patreon page over at patreon.com slash Magic Tavern right now to become a patron and support our independent production.

For only $5 a month, you get Udals of benefits like two new bonus episodes every month. Right now you can hear new episodes of Masters of Mayhem, you can hear Anthony Birch run an actual play called Shadow City with the hosts and very soon some more girls night episodes. Plus you got access to the Magic Tavern Discord with a quarterly virtual meet and greet with hosts, a monthly newsletter from the hosts, early access to live events, and the full back catalog of bonus content completely ad-free, including every single Magic Tavern spin-off series. To learn more and become a patron, access to live events and the full back catalog of bonus content completely ad-free, including every single Magic Tavern spin-off series. To learn more and become a patron, visit patreon.com slash Magic Tavern.

Momma the Mouse was played by Aaron Keefe. Flower was played by Brooke Bright. GNS or Ralph Corus was played by Dana Cursey Oli. This episode was produced by Matt Young, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, special assistance by Ryan D. Georgie. This episode was edited by Chris Raffchen, logo by Aller Labbon, themed by Andy Poland.

Oh, if you've been worried about little old Craig, you can hear me introducing bonus episodes and have it adventures all my own, lost in space and time. And it, wait, oh yeah, I've been lost in space and time and hosting these bonus episodes, but, is there a member to set all my bills to auto pay? Wait, oh yeah, I've been lost in space in time and hosting these bonus episodes, but uh... is there a member to settle all my bills to auto pay?

Uh-oh, Craig may have done Gunsentua D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D Oh my goodness, my stage coach is on fire! Oh, oh, we're listening to this was my last stage coach and finally I can leave the landlord business for good! Goodbye! せーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのーのー